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—~ T ~
<# HEAP SMELL.”
Tie Indian Knew What He Wutd
and Where to Get It.
Some Indians from Buffalo Bill’s
Wild W-est, arrayed in bright colored
blankets and an exceptional amount
of face paint, were taking in the sights
of the city one afternoon. They stroll
ed down Walnut street, single file, and,
headed by a buck who now and then
gave a grunt of satisfaction when some
thing that pleased him caught his eye,
they halted in front of a drug store and
gazed at the window display for a
moment. Then the band filed into the
establishment and began to look
around.
The clerk thought the place was go
ing to be besieged and that he was like
ly to lose his scalp, but when the “big
chief,” who acted as spokesman, ad
dressed him with, the customary Indian
greeting of “How!” the clerk regained
his composure enough to ask the Indi
an what he wanted.
“Heap smell,” was the reply.
Directed by the Indian’s finger to a
showcase, the clerk produced a bar of
soap. The brave took it gingerly, re
moved the wrapper, smelled it and bit
into the toothsome looking article.
With a deep grunt of displeasure he
handed it back to the drug clerk. With
a disgusted look he remarked. “Heap
smell!”
The clerk began to tremble, and the
Indian pointed to a perfume bottle in
the showcase. The bottle of perfume
was handed to him. The Indian held
it in both hands for a moment, closely
scrutinizing it. He slowly removed
the stopper, closely watching it as if
he expected it to explode, and took a
long sniff at the bottle, gave a grunt of
satisfaction, handed the clerk some
money and led his band of braves out
of the store, to the delight of the fright
ened clerk, who had not been in the
practice of waiting on real Indians.—
Kansas City Journal.
Dangerous Economy.
A paragraph about an economical
merchant in Broadway saving the
backs of old envelopes for scratch pa
per reminds an old friend of this story:
A New York dealer, who left about
$2,000,000, for a long time kept up the
practice of tearing off the fly sheets
of the numerous foolscap letters he
received and sticking them on a spindle
for scribbling purposes. Envelopes
were not yet in use. A lawsuit arose,
and the merchant thought he had won
his case when defendant’s letter, duly
signed, was produced. Counsel for
defendant examined the letter and,
turning it over to look for the super
scription, found that it was missing.
He immediately saw his advantage
and said: “This letter is incomplete,
your honor. A sheet is missing. I
claim that there might have been a
postscript on the other sheet which
would entirely change the character
of the order.” The court so ruled, and
defendant won the suit. The practice
of utilizing fly sheets in that mer
chant’s office was at once discontinued.
—New York Press.
ANECDOTES OF FORREST.
Why the Confederate Leader Declin
ed to Correct HI* Spelling:.
“General Forrest of the Confederate
army,” said an ex-Confederate officer,
“was a military genius of the first
rank. Without previous training or any
developed taste in that direction he
went Into the army from a place as
overseer and attained commanding
rank absolutely by merit. Rough and
uncouth at first, be became in later life
a courtly gentleman whom it was a
pleasure to meet and to know. I re
member on one occasion some time aft
er the war coming up the Potomac
with him I wanted to introduce a
young woman who was under my es
cort He said he was flattered by the
request but that he could not megt
her unless she knew perfectly well who
he was and that he was not held in
high esteem by the northern people
chiefly on account of the Fort Pillow
affair. I assured him that she was ful
ly apprised of his record, and then he
went with me to meet her, and she told
me later she had never met a more at
tractive man.
“Earlier in his career —that is, be
fore he had learned to spell—he was
asked by a young lady to put his auto
graph in her album. He wrote his name
as requested and under it his title, ‘ma
jor general of calvary,’ as he spelled it
The lady called his attention to it in a
very delicate way, and he looked at it
a moment, and with a full conscious
ness that he was lacking o in that regard
and with a beautiful and scarcely to be
expected humility he said, ‘Let it stand
to show how ignorant General Forrest
is.’ There are not many men who
would have done that I imagine, and
it was the little things that showed
the man’s true greatness.”—New York
Sun.
“As Mad as a Hatter.”
Probably very few persons who fre
quently use the expression “As mad as
a hatter” have any idea as to what it
means or why a hatter is necessarily
any more subject to fits of anger thaii
a plumber, a blacksmith or a carpen- j
ter. The expression is said to have j
come into use half a century ago, when j
the manufacture of hats was done
wholly by hand. The most striking
thing about the process was that of the
beating up of the felt. The hatter first
dipped the mass of wool and hair fre
quently into hot water; then, seizing a
stick in each hand, he belabored the
mass most vigorously, stopping now
and then to get his breath, until the
material was matted together in a
rough sort of felt. The lively beating
administered to the felt as if the work
man were actually incensed, gave ris
to the familiar simile.
An Apology and a Settlement.
When the theater crowd was at its
thickest on Broadway on Saturday
night, a well set up man of medium
size, wearing a glossy silk hat, hurried
along. In dodging through the throng
the handle of the cane he carried
caught the arm of one of two burly
persons who were going in the same
direction. He half turned as if to apol
ogize, but before he could do so one
of the pair smashed his silk hat with a
heavy stick.
“I beg your pardon, sir,” said the
man, blandly taking off his battered
tile. “My rudeness was unintention
al.”
Putting back the damaged hat on his
head, he dropped his cane and said,
“Now I propose to settle with you for
a blackguard.”
Those on the spot saw a flash of
fists. The big man went flat on his
back from a clean smash on the jaw.
“If you want any more, I am ready
to oblige you,” said the other.
The other apparently didn’t. The
smaller man picked up his stick, took
off his damaged silk hat, brushed it
and continued on his way down Broad
way. And the crowd of spectators,
who had gathered as if by magic, broke
up with the feeling that they had seen
as neat a bit of work as it would ever
be their good fortune to encounter.—
New York Sun.
METHODS OF SUICIDE.
How Desperate' Person* Adopt Pze-
Talling Style* of Destruction.
“The remarkable methods several sui
cides have adopted in this city recently
call attention to the fact that methods
of self destruction are largely matters
of suggestion,” said a doctor. “When
a man gets in that condition where hje
wants to die, he has little inventive
ability and adopts the method that has
been brought to his mind. You will no
tice that after one person kills himself
with acid there follows a long list of
acid suicides. It is the same with any
unusual method. One person gets up
an original way, and that inspires the
next one to try his hand until we have
a whole series of such grewsome nov
elties.
“I have proved this theory. Several
years ago I was discussing this feature
of suicide with several friends, includ
ing the coroner. They ridiculed my
theory. I offered to prove it. It hap
pened that shooting and hanging were
popular, just then. I wrote an article
for a newspaper on the horrors of
strangulation and pistol wounds and
explained tht? ease with which one
could kill himself with prussic acid.
Death from prussic acid, you know, is
absolutely instantaneous and, many be
lieve, painless. There had not been a
suicide with this acid for more than a
year, but within a week after the arti
cle was published there were four, and
one of the unfortunates had clippings
of my article in his pocket.
“Of course I was accused of killing
these' four by suggestion, but I was
never arrested and do not feel guilty,
for when once a person has decided to
kill himself the method is a slight mat
ter. No person in his right mind will
commit suicide. We all know in our
sane moments of easy ways to end life,
but when in the suicidal frame of mind
nature seems to rob us of our reason in
this direction, as if in a desperate hope
of preventing.the sacrifice.”—New York
Mail and Express.
Divining: Rods.
The only trustworthy divining rod
that has ever been made is fortunately
cheap. It has a steel head and a wood
en handle and is shaped something like
an anchor. Any man who wants one
should go to a hardware store and ask
for a pickax.—Youth’s Companion.
ise
An Uneven Contest.
“They had a lively boxing match at
Splinter’s the other night.”
“How was that?”
“Splinter came home late, and as he
passed through the hall his wife’s tall-
Mnch of Little.
The stranger in any city half a hun
dred years old, if he knew nothing of
the city’s history, would learn from
many of the signs that the second and
third generations had succeeded to the
business of father and grandfather. It
is especially true of New York. The
New York Tribune mentions some pe
culiar signs and relates the following:
A Londoner who had strolled about
the streets of the city with a New
Yorker who called his attention to
some of the signs of sons agreed that
in this respect New York was very like
London, but in neither city was there
any such sign as he saw in one of the
old English towns a few hours’ run
from the world’s metropolis. The sign
reads, “John Littlejohn’s Sons & Little
(Little Littlejohn, Doolittle Littlejohn
& John Little).
According to the Londoner the first
Littlejohn and Little were partners.
The former gave his first son his part
ner’s family name, and Little gave his
boy his partner’s Christian name. Lit-
A fool forms an alliance with the
straws driven by the wind; a wise man
forms an alliance with the wind.—Chi
cago News.
The first savings bank in the United
States was established in 1816.
C ASTO R IA
For Infants and Children.
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est palm touched him on the cheek. , , „ „ ^
Splinter was in an excited condition 1 \ ec0 » d so * f °l 3
and thought it was somebody’s fingers. I mothers fa “ J l y ’ + K ^ re . e
So he struck out wildly with both fists
and sncceeded in knocking over two
palms and severely bumping his own
head.”
“But why do you call it a boxing
match?”
“Because Splinter, put up his knuc
kles against his wife’s palms.”—Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
sons succeeded to their fathers’ busi
ness; hence the sign is entirely correct,
and the Londoner was right in saying
that the successors had no intention of
being “funny” when they had their
sign written as it appears.
Why His Life Was a Failure.
4 ‘Yes, I consider my life a failure.”
“Oh, Henry, how sad! Why should
you say that?”
“I spent all my time making money
enough to 5 buy food and clothes, and
the food disagrees with me* and my
clothes don’t fit.”—Life.
There is always danger in using
iounterfeits of DeWitt’s Witch
lazel Salve. The original is a
afe and certain cure for piles. It
s a soothing and healing salve for
ores and all skin diseases. H.M.
Toltzclaw’s Drugstore.
To The Deaf.
A rich lady, cured of her deaf
ness and noises in the head by Dr.
Nicholson’s Artificial Ear Drums,
gave $10,000 to his Instute, so
that deaf people unable to pro
cure the Ear Drums may have
them free. Address No. 1474. The
Nicolson Institute, 780 Eighth
Avenue, New York.
Census statistics show that every
religeous denomination has in
creased in the last ten years ex
cept the TJniversalists, which
church shows a decided falling off.
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