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m WEDNESDAY JUNE 18, 1902 THE! GAINESVILLE NEWS, ujl tne muics, ana tnen sue snppea into Senator Hawley’s hand a silver quarter. “My dear madam,” said Senator Hawley, “I am one of the senators from Connecticut, and you. cannot expect, me to accept anything for doing }'ou a kindness.” “Goodness gracious!” exclaimed the lady. “Are you a senator? I thought you were a doorkeeper.”— . Washington Letter. And He Winketh Not. If there is one thing more annoy ing than another that a cabinet offi- /cer has to contend with, it is the'oft repeated rumor that he is about to resign or that the president is trying to force him out. Both Secretaries Gage and Long grew very tired an swering questions about their tenure of office long before they were ready to' step out, and now Secretary of Agriculture Wilson and Secretary of the Interior Hitchcock are having the same experience. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do when I get ready to leave,” said Secretary Wilson to a knot of inquirers the other day. “ill wink my left eye very impressiwly, and then you’ll know that the resignation is in.” “But you may forget some day and wink when you have no inten tion of conveying that idea,” he was told/ . “Don’t be alarmed,” was the, an swer of the head farmer of the gov ernment. “You know the Scripture says, ‘Cursed be he that winketh with the eye.’ ” Which was taken to mean that he has no immediate intention of quit- :ing.—Washington Letter. ~ A LITTLE NONSENSE. Bits of Comical Sayings From the Mouths of Babes. Little Elmer—My father keeps a coachman and a footman. Little Georgia—Huh! That’s noth ing. My mother keeps six boarders. “Oh, dear!” exclaimed little Sam my, whose clothes are all made out of his father’s old ones, much to his regret. “Papa has had his whiskers shaved off, ttnd I suppose I’ll have to wear them too.” “Mamma,” asked a little three- year-old miss, “is papa’s picture torn?” v “Hot that I know of, dear,” re plied the mother. “Why did you ask?” “Because,” answered the little one, “this morning he said, ‘Darn my pic ture!’ ” , V. , . Little Margie’s father is a sales man for a baking powder firm, and one evening while repeating her prayers before retiring she astonish ed her mother by adding, “And please, Lord, make me pure, like the baking powder papa sells.” Aunt Mary—Ho wonder you ate not feeling well,' Harry. You ate too much plum pudding at dinner. Harry—That’s not the trouble, Aunt Mary. IPs thinking of what a lot I couldn’t eat ’cause I had no room fot it that makes me sick.— Chicago Hews. manages to have mmseii interview ed by a bright reporter.—Philadel phia Press. , Her Opinion. “Some men,” said Willie Wishing- ton, “act like perfect fools when they are in love.” “Yes,” answered Miss Cayenne, “and a great many more do not wait even for that excuse.”—Washington Star. _ An Explanation. “What does it mean by saying that a war correspondent must be ubiquitous?” “Why, iP’means that he must say he was on the spot whether he was or was not.”—Puck. My/ TVe Mw roast b« gently stirred so Jh&t {/Um bile will be thrown off fat the right channel; \v\ ( Um aye'Mi at the same time should be larigorated \ by a tonic that Nature may begin her .work antf WffeU the cure. P AMOK’S LIVER PILLS JV^andTONIC pellets porm the modern mild power cure that completely does (be work, without shock or injury to any part of the system. Booklets and samples free of any dealer, J \ Of complete treatment, Twenty-five Doeee, 25c/Jk Sfcfcv BROWN MFG. CO. Ma NEW YORK Av/M AND QREENEV1LUB. »TENN, - Small crops, unsalable veg etables, result from want of Potash Vegetables are especially fond of Potash. Write for our 'free pamphlets. GERMAN KALI WORKS, ^ 93 Nassau St., New York. Quits Appropriate. Young Mother—John, for good ness’ sake, take that knife out of baby’s mouth. ' Young Father — Oh, that’s all right, my dear. He’s cutting teeth. —Chicago Hews. CONDENSED STORIES, How the Committee on Military Af fairs Got an Appetite. “Will yon lunch with me at the Country club?” asked Secretary Root, and all the members of the committee on military affairs said “Yes.” If some of the committeemen had only known where the Country club is situated, this story could not be told, i As it was, they immediately Concluded that the Country club and the Chevy Chase-club were one and the same, and out to the Chevy Chase club they went. And when they arrived they learned that the Country club was another place en tirely. “It is over there,” said the Chevy Chase steward, waving his hand indefinitely toward the‘ west ern horizon. Senator Hawley and Representa tive Jett, reconnoitering along the highway, bargained with a passing yokel for a horse that was knock- kneed and spavined and a wagon that seemed about to drop to pieces, like the old one hoss shay. They rode off in triumph. Ho other ve hicle being in sight, Representatives Mondell, Brick, Prince, Keteham and half a dozen more started on a tramp across the Chevy Chase golf -course and finally reached the Ten- nallytown road. “How often do the cars run?” asked Mon dell, hailing a native. “Once every hour,' and one has just gone down,” said the unfeeling citizen, grinning with delight. Down the railroad track the par ty tramped until they reached Ten- nallytowh. Then they made their way across fields and along muddy roads until finally they ascended the broad stairs of the Country club.—Washington Post. Thought Hb Was a Doorkeeper. Two ladies were wandering through the senate wing of the cap- Itol one day recently when one of them approached Senator Hawley. “Will you please show ns the ’s room ?” they asked. x a w f T f Will sour the sweetest dispositional - M\ gV g f | I I f transform the most even tempered, I07. MX I V 3 I ^ \ J able nature into a crc>ss-grained ad A U 1 ^ irritable individual. . S -I If impatience or fault-finding jj| B ■ I L«| - ever excusable it is when the body is J j j tortured by an eating and painful sott - It is truly discouraging to find after months of diligent and faithful use of external remedies that the place remains as defiant, angry and offensive as ever. Every chronic sore, no matter on what part of the body it comes, is an evidence of some previous constitutional or organic trouble, and that the dregs of these diseases remain in the system; or, it may be that some long hidden poison—perhaps Cancer—has come to the surface and begun its destructive work. The blood must be purified before the sore will fill up with healthyffei and the skin regains its natural color. It is s* rv through the circulation that the acrid, corroding a iq) fluids, are carried to the sore or ulcer and keep it irritated and inflamed. S. S. S. will purify add invigorate the stagnant blood when all sediment or other hurtful materials are washed out, fresh rich blood is carried to tie diseased parts, new tissues form, and the decaying flesh begins to have a healthy and natural look; the discharge ceases and the sore heals. - _ S. S. S. is the onlv blood purine Several years agro, my wife had a se- ... - <yr . aTn „**~d tw, vere sore losr and was treated by the Juut is giiaranteea ntirely veg. best physicians but received no benefit. table. It Dtulcls Up tile blood sis Our drug-grist advised her to try S. S. S., tones up the general svstem as no wMchEhs did. I-ourteea ■bottlea cured ot her medicine does. If yon hr- her and she has been well ever since. , . , J , ■ j. e. marold, 22 Canal St., a sore of any kind, write ns andgeB Cohoes, N. Y. the advice of experienced ariSj skilled physicians for which no charge is made. Book on Blood and Sbl Diseases free. THE 5WITT SPECIFIC CO., Atlanta, G&. I The Terrible Temptation. “How did you know the burglar 'tfas a woman disguised as a man ?” “Why, when we peeped through the crack of the door he was trying on my wife’s new hat at the mirror.” —Puck. The Mornirg After. “Is it true ihal- a man is as old as he feels?” asked Highflier. “That’s what they say. Why ?” ’ “Because if it is 1 must be about eighty this morning.” — Chicago Post. Before and After. “What does your wife call you?” “When we were engaged, she used to call me ‘sweetheart.’ Howadays she usually calls me down.”—Hew York World. A Thorough Pessimist. ^ “He never looks on the sunny side of life/’ “Or if he does he complains of the heat.”—Detroit Free Press. Bowden Lithia, Harris Lithia, and Tate Springs mineral waters, for sale at Will Sum- That word BESTf*has a potent meaning, and you it'exemplified in every article purchased at this store, stance.* president’s room ?” they asked. Senator Hawley nbt only did the honors of the president’s room, but Sick headache, nervous head ache, tired headache, neuralgic headache, catarrhal headache, headache from excitement, in fact, headaches of all kinds are quickly and surely cured with DR. MILLS’ Also all pains such as backache, neuralgia, sciatica, rheumatic pains, monthly pains, etc. *T)r. Miles’ Pain Pills are worth their weight in gold,” says Mr. W. D. Krea mer, of Arkansas City, Kan. “They cured my wife of chronic headache when nothing 4be would.” “Dr. Miles’ Pain Pills drive away pain as if by magic. I am never with out a supply, and think everyone should keep them handy. One or two pills taken on approach of headache will prevent it every time.” Mrs. Judge Johnson, Chicago, I1L Through their use thousands of people have been enabled to at tend social and religious func tions, travel, enjoy amusements, etc., with comfort. As a prevent ative, when taken on the ap proach of a recurring attack, they are excellent. Sold by all Dniffifts, 25 Dosea, 25 oents, Dr. Miles Medical Co., Elkhart, Jnd. the best and most satisfactory flour on the market. Let you a sack, we know you’ll come back again. Other things are here in profusion—in fact, you can more complete line of “What is the shape of the earth?” “Round, sir.” “Like what T* ... “You, sir.” Wary. “Ho,” said Miss Cayenne, “I could not think of marrying him,” “Why not?” “He is a dentist.” “Dentistry is a very lucrative and highly esteemed profession.” “Yes, but he would have the right to insist on filling my teeth. Fancy giving any one such a deadly advan tage in an argument!”—Washing ton Star. / _ THE RED GROCER “thank you very much.” escorted them to the room of the •committee on military affairs to dis play to the visitors the handsome frescoes of that apartment. “Thank you very, much.” said qtw>