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THE GAINESVILLE NEWS*. WEDNESDAY JULY 30. 1905 A CLEVER CLERK. A LITTLE NONSENSE Once upon a time the famous banking house of Hope of Amster dam sent a young clerk to negotiate a matter of.business with the Bar ings in London. Treated with gen erous hospitality, the clerk became intimate with the family and made an impression upon the daughter. He asked 'permission of the father to urge his suit, and after rebuking him for his presumption Baring told him that were he a partner in the Hope house he might listen to him. The clerk, after succeeding with his mission, returned to Am sterdam and told what Baring had held out to him* He then asked to be made a partner on the strength of his prospects, and the Hopes agreed. As a partner the clerk re turned to England and eventually married Miss Baring. He remained in England, entered parliament and became Lord Taunton. The clerk’s name was Labouchere, the father of Henry Labouchere, the famous ed itor of Truth and an M. P. Some Paragraphs That'Are Intended > to Make You Smile. Bacon^—Did you say he had col ored blood in his veins ? Egbert—Yes; it’s as red as red can be. ^ -> Bill—Do you remember the first cigar you ever smoked ? . Jill—Gh, yes; it was the last. She—William Penn was a short, stubby man, they say. . >.. He—Yes; I think he was the orig inal stub Penn. Constipation *. makes Biliousness,. ^ and Bad Complexions 5o result. Then whereJs your beauty ? >e system in good order by taking removes from the soil large quantities of \V^andTONIC PELLETS and good blood, good digestion and good health will keep the roses in your cheeks. Ramon’s Liver Pills and t l Tonic Pellcta gently assist nature. Free sample and J vt booklet at dealers, or write to /A SKjS, BROWN MFQ. CO. jy/J A |e\x\S^ New York and ; Qreeneville, Term* 1 The fertilizer ap plied, must furnish “An umbrella seems to he any man’s property," remarked the ob server of events and things, “ex cepting, perhaps, the one who . buys Mr. Styles—There must be a lot of gas wasted in this house in a month. Mrs. Styles—How do you know, dear? You haven’t got your gas bill this month yet ? “Ho; but here’s a telephone bill for fifty extra messages.’’—Yonkers Statesman. GERMAN KALI WORKS; 93 Nassau St., New York, Taking a Cneerful View. “There’s one thing .about the king’s recovery that encourages me,’’ said the man who was being taken to the hospital. “But his trouble wasn’t anything like yours,’’ replied the nurse. “I know it. Still he was worked over by five or six doctors.’’—Chica go Record-Herald. One of Senator Hoar's Habits. One of Senator Hoar’s peculiar street car habits is his - seemingly unconscious desire to get a seat near the door where he is to get out. The other day he boarded a long F street car which was well filled. The venerable senator had to take a seat near the front end. As the car proceeded toward the capitol the passengers gradually got out. Ev- m*y time a person next to the sena tor got out he promptly slid into the vacated place. By repeating thi$ sliding operation a half dozen times the senator arrived at the seat next the door, which he held the balance of the journey. The senator seemed preoccupied the while with other matters, his lips were moving rapidly, evidently trying to keep pace with his thoughts, and when he executed the move for his departed neighbor’s seat it was with the unconscious ^eagerness of a small bov after an .apple.-—Washington Star. A w ja, W|| gT *nlk jfgg Inf|Af' -Is tne name sometimes given to vht ■ C B @ B w ifS m 8 S S 8 S P I s generally known as the BAD DR ^ vice or the lower classes, q The purest 4k 4k 40 IHfc AHAA fk and best people are sometimes Hi! 0101 infected - with this awful maladv fg M 'v M Ha through, handling the clothing, drinking from the same vessels’ using the same toilet articles, or otherwise coming in contact with persons who have contracted it. It begins usually with a little blister or sore, then swelling in. the groins, a red eruption breaks out on 5V , j ^ . . Ten years agro X contracted a bad case the body, sores and ulcers appear of Blood Poison. I was under treatment in the mouth, the throat becomes of a physician until I found that he could ulcerated, the hair, eye brows and Z 10 sood. Then began taking fall nnf - tbo- KInnd hppemitio- »•»•». I commenced to improve at once lasnes iau out, tne Diooa becoming and m a very short time all evidence d A Canny.Canvasser. A Quiet Time. Visitor—You say things have been quiet out here this season. Kansas Rube—Ya-as, stranger, very quiet, ’cept fer a cyclone, two tornadoes and four waterspouts and a few seventeen year locusts.—Hew York Journal. Untrammeied Man. Mrs. Dash—-Don’t you ever visit in summer? Mrs. Rash-—Oh, no. David al ways wants to go where he can pay board and act disagreeable when he feels like it.—Detroit Free Press. That Catches 'Em. u Young Mr. Bolus is achieving a phenomenal practice, they tell me/’ said Hojaek. “Well, why not?’’ replied Tom- dik. “He’s making a specialty of pingpongitis."—Judge. Not Her Forte. “She says she would like to get away somewhere where she would have time to think.’’ “Well, 1 always feared she wasn’t out out for a society girl.’’—Life. A Breezy Day in Douglas. Douglas has had a little warm “spell,’’ writes a correspondent o f the Arizona Republican. The ther mometer stood at 106 in the ice box, but as there was no ice in it ai the time the mercury was excusa ble. These warm days the valley is entertained and malaria dissipated by an endless succession of little corkscrew winds. They are about as big around as an old maid’s wais i and about a mile high. They go waltzing along among the mesquites and across the street, where the dust is so * deep you have to wear snowshoes, and they will chase you as a coypte chases a jackrabbit, till they catchT you, douse your nose and ears full of sand and skip merrily away, almost laughing at you. I saw one yesterday that filled the heavens with everything, from a Po lice Gazette to a War Cry. “Can I see the lady of the house ?” asked the canvasser. “Yes/’ she replied candidly, “you can.’’ “Madam, I’m selling a can open er which can’t be beat. It opens any can that can be opened by any can opener, and any can can be opened by this can opener that can be opened by any can opener, and if 3'ou can show me a can I can’’— But this was where the door was slammed in his face. Nothing Doing. - “What is the matter with Bills ?’’ “Worrying over business affairs." “I didn’t know he had any busi ness." “That’s it; he hasn’t."—Indian apolis Hews. Plausible Enough. Ascum—-How did you make out *ith that story you sent to the Klaptrap magazine? Scribbler—Rejected. I fancy it was too clever. ■«, Ascum—Too clever? Scribbler—Yes; I suppose they were afraid it would distract atten tion from their advertising pages.— Philadelphia Press. > A One Point of View. “Considering the work they do," commented the citizen, “the police are poorly paid." “And yet," replied the old lush, “in considering the rate of pay we must also consider the expenses. How, a policeman doesn’t have to buy either cigars or drinks if he had the right kind of beat."—Chi cago Post. 1 - Mark Twain’s What you buy here is fresh and nice—you can count on French Politeness. Leon Bourgeois, the new presi dent of the French chamber of dep uties, represented France at the peace congress at The Hague and .gained there a reputation as a dip lomat. He has been minister of public instruction. He is an orator and possesses all the arts of the trained parliamentary speaker. To M: Deschanel, whom he has beaten in his new office, he said: “I suc ceed you. . I shall never replace you." That was a delicate, -way of softening defeat which is not habit ual at the Palais Bourbon. that. We have no old stuff to unload on our customers, * • stock is always new and clean. G. C. Clemens, of Topeka, Kan., the no- ted constitu- tional lawyer, who bears so JjKjpjpiltg striking a re- /gpASSIfSll semblance to Mark Twain, (Samuel B. Clemens) that • j jaSSyT ^||||pj| he is frequent- I ly taken for the original Mark, G ; C * Clemons, is a man of deep intellect and wide experience. _ He is con sidered one of the foremost lawyers in this country. In a re cent letter to the Dr. Miles Medical Co., Mr. Clemens says: * * “Personal experience and obser vation have thorough. satisfied me that Dr. Miles’ Nervine contains true merit, and is excellent for what it is recom mended.” Mr. Norman Waltnp, Sup. Pres. Bank ers’ Fraternal Society, Chicago, says: His Sympathetic Nature. “Well, I’m glad this ragtime mu sic is getting out of date," re marked the business man. “Tm sure it gave me indigestion." “Honsense!" “Fact. The orchestra at the res taurant where I take my lunch al ways played it, and I couldn’t help keeping time with my jaws."—Phil adelphia Press. Contested Seats In Congress. Under the law every contestant for a seat in congress is allowed $2,- 000 for expenses, provided the con test is regular, and it is remarkable that in nearly every such case the contestant finds that his expenses; foot up just the $2,000. Congress* man Tompkins of the Twelfth Ohio district, whose seat was contested by John J. Lentz, is a notable ex ception to the general rule. Mr. Tompkins sent in a bill for $1,- 999.06, positively refusing to charge the government a penny more than was right. Exercise Without Exertion, , Mark Twain occasionally makes a grim effort to earn a reputation as a philosopher. Recently he laid down the dictum that; a malarial chill has one advantage, for through its agency, according to his concep tion, it is a means by which “an all wise Providence has devised a way by which man can indulge jn exer cise without exertion." . Miles* * CVaa* * are invaluable for- headache .and all pain, I had been a great sufferer from headache until I learned of the efficacy of Dr. Miles’ Pain Pills. Now I always carry them and prevent recurring at tacks by taking a pill when the symp toms first appear.” Sold by oil Druggists. Price, 25c. per Box. vV Dr. Miles Medical Co., Elkhart, Ind. Copies of the Congressional Rec ord continue to come in spasmod ically, and the contents remind us that we still have trouble in the Philippiaes and Cuba. . ‘ ||||| 3/jull P7/j f jy/a? 11 mJa