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The Times, Gainesville, Georgia | gainesvilletimes.com
Friday, November 23, 2018 7B
FRIDAY EVENING
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M'A'S'H M'A'S'H M'A’S’H
Dealing with temperamental in-laws
CAROLYN HAX
tellme@washpost.com
Dear Carolyn:
I haven’t spoken to my
husband’s parents since a
week after our wedding.
Several things happened
that caused increasing ten
sion, including: my mother-
in-law blowing up at me
when I articulated concern
about a racially insensitive
comment (I made several
olive-branch attempts to reason with
her on the importance of my speaking
up); my father-in-law dramatically
suggesting they not come to the wed
ding (for reasons we could not deter
mine); and my mother-in-law uttering
the morning after the wedding, “Now
you don’t have to worry about me try
ing to convince [my son] not to marry
you anymore.”
When my husband and I asked
for “clarification” about this — not
jumping to conclusions — my in-laws
turned to gaslighting and said they did
not want to speak to me until I dealt
with my insecurity.
I have since opted out of interac
tions with them and, except for
relatively transactional information
sharing, my husband has as well.
Given his lifetime of being close with
them, this has been very difficult for
him, and I empathize.
I am now pregnant with twins, and
they have — quite predictably —
reframed their distance from us as “a
kindness” as we went through difficult
IVF procedures. My husband wants
to find a path to reconcile with them,
whilst they have made zero effort to
reconnect. They have continued to
judge me, my personality, my opin
ions, my family and my past despite
their son being the happiest in his life.
Am I wrong in continu
ing to opt out of this rela
tionship? I’ve suggested
that if one or the other of
them was declining, I’d
do what was necessary to
ensure that my husband
did not have regrets after
their passing.
— Boundaries for
Sanity
I don’t like any of this.
I don’t like that awful comment
from your mother-in-law, of course.
Or the “not speaking.”
I don’t like that “my husband and
I” asked for “clarification.” There’s
value in not jumping to conclusions,
yes, but there’s also a time for sons
to say, “You owe us both an apology.
You know where to find us.” Even if
you started this whole domino-run of
tension, her remark cannot stand.
I don’t like iterating “the impor
tance of my speaking up” as an “olive
branch.” This might seem minor by
comparison, especially to racism, but
it matters when you’re talking about
mounting relationship tension. An
olive branch is a concession; attempts
to reason are taking a stand. When
you take a stand and try to pass it off
as peacemaking, you reveal yourself
as at best an unwitting party to this
escalation.
I don’t like “I’ll let you see them on
their deathbeds” as proof of generos
ity of spirit.
I don’t like that an always-close son
is now estranged, since that means: (a)
They were healthy, and you brought
dysfunction; or (b) they were dysfunc
tional, and you brought health; or (c)
it’s all dysfunctional. Each warrants
careful attention and remediation.
I don’t like that babies are coming
with this attention yet ungiven —
happy news though they are after your
difficulty conceiving.
And I don’t like your declaring a
man painfully estranged from his par
ents “the happiest in his life.”
So please: Call in the cavalry. Find
a good family therapist to help you
understand yourselves, each other and
his parents — and de-escalate. What
ever you possibly can.
Chat with Carolyn online at noon each
Friday www.washingtonpost.com.
L E B A N O
A G E N
AST
VOLT
DAILY CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Taper
7 Triumphant cry
10 Nosegay
14 Real
15 Grass
16 Earthenware pot
17 Changes skirt
length
18 Trickier
20 Like some
crystal
22 Existed
23 Charlatan
26 Keogh relative
27 Chirps
28 Wept over
29 Still
30 Musical notes
31 Kind of poem
32 Plant sci.
33 Put on the
block
37 None
38 Luau strummer
39 TV brand
40 Sheep call
41 CIA file
43 College degrees
44 Tackle a slope
45 Wis. neighbor
46 — Alamos
47 Stagger
48 Change a bill
51 Cereal plant
spike
52 Helsinki citizens
53 Do a jig
54 Sheet material
56 Front
58 Bach
instruments
62 Jetty
63 Sault — Marie
64 Egg dish
65 Weight rebate
66 Funny — Brooks
67 Conference
PREVIOUS PUZZLE SOLVED
SHASTA
RULE SMS CAT
O H A RElAR L O
BOR A xBl OC O
O L
A G
I L
U E
OURN
NDER
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R I T EHN O S
M E S SBG REY
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|
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DOWN
Lemon or
clunker
All-star hurler
Ultimate degree
Fought with
swords
5 Weaker, as an
excuse
6 Bride in
“Lohengrin”
7 Claim
8 Civic or Accord
9 Sweet drink
10 Slowest
11 Uniform color
12 Slumber
13 Fabric measures
19 Llama cousins
21 Calorie counter
23 Palm branch
24 Kind of cassette
25 Hull parts
29 Rube
30 “Star Wars”
director
2018 UFS, Dist. by Andrews McMeel for UFS
32 Contractor
33 Where roses
climb
34 PeerGynt
creator
35 Like some
chests
36 Catches red-
handed
42 Open
46 Mountain flower
47 Look-alike
48 Modify
49 Enthusiasm,
plus
50 Put in the
ledger
51 Steal the scene
52 Terra —
55 Downtown
Chicago
57 Tenet
59 Completely
60 Society column
word
61 Farm shelter
1
2
3
4
5
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8
•
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*
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“
55
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1
58
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1
63
64
65
66
"
BRIDGE
WINNER, WINNER
Both vulnerable, South deals
NORTH
A 9 4 2
VJ987
O A2
* A754
WEST
A J 10 6 5 3
A32
OQ5
*10 9 2
EAST
*87
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0 10 8 74
*0 J8
SOUTH
* A K Q
VK6
OKJ963
* K 6 3
The bidding:
SOUTH WEST NORTH EAST
2NT Pass 3* Pass
30 Pass 3NT All pass
Opening lead: Five of *
Today’s deal is from the semi
finals of the World Championship
Rosenblum Teams, held reeently
in Orlando, Florida. All four tables
reached three no trump on some
variation of the above auction. Three
South players made their contracts
with three spade tricks, three diamond
tricks, and either three club tricks or
two club tricks and one heart.
At one table, Italian stars Antonio
Sementa and Norberto Bocchi, West
and East respectively, cooperated
beautifully to defeat the contract.
Declarer won the opening spade
lead and played diamonds normally,
leading to dummy’s ace and then
back to his jack, losing to West’s
queen.
Sementa did not continue with
another spade, as they had at the other
tables. Instead, he tried the effect of a
low heart. Declarer played
the seven from dummy and Bocchi
had to decide what to do. He knew
his partner had three to an honor,
and declarer a doubleton honor, but
which honor? Bocchi decided that
the defense couldn’t succeed if South
had the doubleton ace, so he played
declarer for a doubleton king.
Bocchi played the five, letting the
table’s seven win the trick. South
cashed the king of diamonds and led
a diamond to Bocchi. Another heart
and the defense smoothly took three
heart tricks to defeat the contract.
Nice defense!
(Bob Jones welcomes readers'
responses sent in care of this
newspaper or to Tribune Content
Agency, LLC., 16650 West grove
Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.
E-mail: tcaeditors@tribpub.com)
Unscramble these Jumbles,
one letter to each square,
to form four ordinary words.
THAT SCRAMBLED WORD GAME
By David L. Hoyt and Jeff Knurek
UGOBS
'Y ■nk
YKALE
'S
RUPINT
v^Z
BTEEAD
7^
Z 1 N
©2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC
All Rights Reserved.
THEY EXAMINEP THE WALL
IN THE NEW &0LP MINE ANP
PISCOVEIZEP IT WAS —
Now arrange the circled letters
to form the surprise answer, as
suggested by the above cartoon.
^Z
^Z
^z
^z
^z
Yesterday's
(Answers tomorrow)
Jumbles: BUTTE SKULK VERIFY LIZARD
Answer: The Thanksgiving cooks' conversation became
serious when they — TALKED TURKEY
SUDOKU
DIFFICULTY RATING:
1
8
9
8
1
9
8
1
8
1
8
HOW TO PLAY
Each row, column and
set of 3-by-3 boxes must
contain the numbers
1 -9 without repetition
11/23
© 2018 Dist. by Andrews McMcel Syndication for UFS
PREVIOUS SOLUTION
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