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M iX yeTT irj^M£ WrT, n Tuesday Eve ■h is IP' l 1 • Hrir.u T 1 Kills 50 ■ must 1)0 paiti in ■ ivm-weil prompt - ■ , W1 ;1 |„. .liscuntin ■ ~n’l-KMKXTS H ’ ' I', irii l-T w ill 1.0 chain 111 , i.i~. iti.-n, ami 500 ■> '< ' lt ni insertion. ■ ■ intomlod for ■ 1 cmirjred for ,/u,.,n-.-<l rates. ■ riovsy ooinimmica ■ lueral Directory. CIVIL fIOVKiNMB.VT . Hl]trh ; n « Fndge Snp. Court ' Llerk »U|). Court, p Oosby, Jsberiff ‘ Brown, Treasurer. ( 'Andrews Tux Receiver. Vtruer, Tax Collectorr V jiaffett, Surveyor. [l Wilton, Coroner. OOCNTY COMMISSION*!!*. a V r C e Chairman and Clerk, N. j k Cloud, J. R Hop Kins, An- „ ljU <D or EDUCATION. L W nn School Commissioner J. r;" ,|. Patillo,. j. Webb, justices. Lft.ille, 4u7th diet—W. C [j [> M. L, Adair, N.E, Ist Fri- L irt 405 .list—-T, W. Andrews [Charles M, Kinney, N. F 3rC 5.316 dial—W. I).,Simms j (j Hawthorn. N. P. 3rd Sat- L. k !29')dist—W. J. Baggett n |. McKlvuney, N. P. 7*l Bat- L 406th diet—J- M, Arnold. J, |\ V Na-h, X. I’,'2nd Saturday. L’s s62nd dist— A. Adams, J. T L S P., 3rd Saturday Lb 1263 dial.-W.E. Brewer,.) Lon Huberts, X P., Thnrsday be ll Saturday. • . thin’s47B dist— G. L. Rnight I j. W. Hamilton, N. P. Lybefore Ist Saturday. [ Mo intain, 444 dist —A. L lons, J P, W- L- Andrews, I 4th Saturday. [in's, 544 dist—Asa Wright, [.J U. Nowell, N. P. 4tn (lay. [rress 406-W. R. Simpson, LA. Martin, N. P. Friday [3rd Saturday. k Bridge, 671 dist—A. J. L J. P„ E. J. Mason, N. P. Iturday. fenee, 404th dist—T. N. |J. P., A G. Harris, N P. ■turdiiv. |rd, 550th dis—T. C. Bur [p.; J. JI. Posey, N- P. Fri- Ifore 3rd Saturday. I MUNICIPAL,. IC.Smith, Mayor. | COUNCIL. , lloor-, E D Herrin S A Townley lets ■aland dkfarti'RHOF train Is from Suwannee, 5 50p. in ■ tor Suwannee, 7 a- in. Li, and departure of mail*. kson — Arrives 12 m, depart* ■unday and Tharsd ,iy. les Store.—Departs 6am ar tui, Monday and Thursday. ■tills.—Arrives 10 a m, de ft m.—Daily. It River.— Arrives 12 m., de- It m,,\Veiriesday and Saturday w. ii. harvey, p. m I CHURCHES Ist-■ Rev .1 L R Barrett, pastor livery Sunday ftnisT—Rev M D Turner Pastor 100 the Ist aud 2nd Sundays. |l School.— a T Pattillo, Supt ■anday at 3 p m literian -Rt-v J F McClelland, services on 2nd and 4th Snodavg ■Booth. Is School.—T R Powell. Supt. ■anday at 9.3 ) a in* I FRATERNAL. Pkcevillb Masonic Lodge.— R ft-W M., 8 A Hagood, S W„ f J tV. Meets on Tuesday ftwbefoie full moon in each Iknon Chapter, No 39, R A H P, A T Pattillo, Finlay nigh' before the Pyiu each month. P Wt Superior Cuurt.—N. L. Convenes on the Ist l ln 'larch and September. liter, 10. H H~localud ill Gwin. ■ ■ I'M-s liis professiona 1 H’/* I to the citizens Hint.r" 1 "'! 1 *" all falls will lie H> l| i'! icsiilence at the resi Ho-! 1 iti ’ l "" tlu! Hurrifttiie H ailt > MW-Oiuo I ' lieil’s I %e Salve, H etleetivn remedy for |i- IMfyg ■t ir n B " us "‘f "Id S rat,ula,ioti > E-. T 1 \ d E > ea ’ M[it ■ E, ‘ BLfct S and I dl ‘ tUl h' cjdick H Ifcllef iiiul^er ■ taatient H r, ire ‘ w hen used Hi"-' 1x..;..,"'',V* S lTlw «. *>- H W " r "li,,:; iur, "‘. Hheuin* H’»j> S ' ,lvt ' ■"ay be us. <1 ' Idl artists at 25 cents, r-telON FFwEEi TYLER M. PEEPLES, Proprietor VOL XIV. editorial brevities. Judge Go.ige J Buffett, of Macon, is Lead. There have hecu jail escapes iD both Quitman aud Dougiassville, Ga. The Exposition is $360,000 in debt and asks Congress for half a million. The Floridians are gieatly dis tut bed about the' low price of oranges. Some poisons entered the Stone Mountain granite work and de faced SI,OOO worth of work. Farming operations are consid erably retarded in Baker county by the protracted cold weather. “Never judge a man bv his sal iry.” This is a safe rule. Nine times ou/ of len he will lie about it. Butts county Las deeded to have whisky a while longer. The e/eetiou resulted in giving whisky 150 majority. The farmers of Quiunan county are busy hauling guano lt is thought they will use fully as much as last year. A new cave has been discovered in Mercer county, Ivy., which lias been explored for three miles without tLe end being leached. The murderer of Robt. Purtain, of Hart county, hus been con victed in a Texas court and seu t need to sixty years in die peni ten liaryj Tests made in the mineral ranges of tne Cobutta mountains of Georgia confirms the previous re porn of /he existence there of large gold deposits. Couyerh has three full-fledged Lula Hursts. They profess to duplicate anything Miss Lula does, and can satisfactorily ex plain the phenomena. When Stonewall Jackson’s war horse “Old Sorrel, passed through Knoxville the other day, old men who had seen the animal in battle fell upon its neck and wept like children. Tiie Washington hotel keepers are said to be earnestly in favor of an extra session of Congress. Without an extra session the hotel business will proDably be pretty dull iu Washington next summer. A bill against the manufacture and sale of dynatni e, and other explosives of like cliarae-ar, Las been introduced iu the New Yoik Legislature, The Connecticut Senate has such a bill unuer con sideration. The la'o Senator Ben Hill has two surviving brothers. Mr. LaFayette Hill is a wealthy farmer of middle Texas, while the Rev. Allen //ill is a lawyer and a Bap tist minister living in Northern Arkansas., The North Carolina Legislature is considering - a bill to prohibit the sale or gift of cigarettes to boys under ten years ot age The increasing us 9 of cigarettes by mere infants is general over the country, and such a law might be profitably passed in every Sta.e. With the undoubted spread of education the American public is every day becoming more and more n reading public, and pro portionately the demand for writ ten thought in small compass on political, historical or literary sub jects by close thinkers and men ot letters is steadily increasing. There are hut three statues raised to Women in this country, and it is a little remarkable that all have been raised within the pas ear. One it Harriet Mar tiueau, another to Margaret llaugh ertv, a succe sful New Orleans baker, anil tlie third to Mrs. Julia A. Tevis, a Kentucky teacher. The Washing on monument has had stiange visitois since i's erec tion A gaunt and hungry cat climbed to the top; live ru s have made the uscont to get the crumbs fro n the workingmen s lunchet,; wasps build their nests and pige ms ro st at night 4J4 feet above the habitation of man- The Warder. The eyes of tuy love are dark, com rode, As blackest tales of dole; Put they flamed with a light too joy ous and blight For the quiet of my soul. The voice of iny love is sweet, com rade, As dream wrought symphonies: But the silvery tones hurled do n from their tliroues All mind s life-laid harmonies. The touch of my love is soft, com rade, Not rose-lnd effing start; But her touch on my arm gave great est alarm To the sentries of my heart. The town’s warder was a sad traitor; He let the drawbridge full : Aud the enemy’s host, with clamor and boast. Sealed the gate and ramparts tall. Her spell o’er iny heart was quick victor. Her voice subdued my mind, And her eyes my soul keep iu a dun geon-oell.deep, With inflexible fetters twined. The maid of my heart is now warder; For aye is the ~orteullis down. Aud the drawbridge on high; all foes we defy To assault the'happy town. A TERRIFIC ICNCOUN* TE R “My (.Icar, said Mrs. Spoopen dyke, glancing nervously out of the window and then timidly at her husband, “my dear, I wonder how i hat goat got into our yard?’’ “What goat*’’ aske 1 Mr. Spoo[> endyke, looking up from his break fast. “Why, the goat that’s out there.’’ “Oh!” groaned Mr. Spoopsn- Jyke, approaching the window ‘You mean that one, do you? i’he principles that generally reg ulate your conversation betrayed me into thinking that your mind might be fixed on some ocber goat. As for him, I suppose h<? broke through the fence Jrom the back lot—or," continued Mr. Spoopendyke, hastily, correcting himself, “perhaps he came to call on you. Better ask him in." “I’m afraid of him,” peeped Mrs. Spoopendyke, drawing closer to her husband. “ IFhat do you think wa had b tter do ? If he stays out there he'd eat up every thing.'’ “I believe I’ll go and drive him out,” said Mr. Spoopendyke, eye ing the brute with no particular amount of favor. “You come along to head him off, and you’ll see a goat begin to wish he had been born a girl that some might learn to love him.” And with tht ß prognostication Mr. Spoopeudy ke sallied forth, followed by his wife. •‘Be careful/’ she whiskered. “When goats gei angry they bu/t, and that hurts." “Shoo!” commenced Mr. Spoop endyke, waving his hands and fol lowing the goat to a hole in the fence, where a couple of boards hid been knocked ou/. “Shoo there nowl Ski! Hold on! Head him, can’t ye! Turn him! Whoop!" he roared, as /he goat whirled sud denly and dashed to the other end of the yard. -'‘Wirat’d ye ccme out here for?” he demanded of his wife who had made a littla bet ter time than the go it, and hud reached the top of a step Sad der. “Don’t let him come up here!’ she squealed, stamping her feet on the top s'ep, and trying to climb up the side of the house. •‘Hold on to him and call a police man.” “Great scheme.” growled Mr. Spoopendyke, looking around for a stick. “But I haven’t made up my mind whether to call the po licemau, or do the holding on first- What’re ye making stucco work of yourself up theiefur? Cume down, and get bthiud that goa', will ye, while I teach him the ways and admonition of Spoopen dyke. If you ain’t mighty care ful he’ll rub up agaiusi tnat step ladder, and you’re liable to come down in sections.” This prophesy brought Mis. Spoopendyke to the ground with out much delay “Say, dear,” suggested, “sup pose you should go to the otbei side of the hole, and call him Don’t you think he’d come? ’ “Come in a minute, if he hap pened to nit Ins right name.” re. (41 I, OW N SECTION-WE LAHOU FOR ITS AI)V\Nc •F, M HINT LaWRENCEVILLE, o'A. FEBRUARY 24 18 6. totted Mr. Spoopeudyke, who lmd found a stick and was preparing L-r war. “iVow, you edge around behind him, so as to give him a starter, aud I’ll put myself in com muuicatiou with him as ns be, gets under way. ’ (io along, dear. Run through ■ tiat p.dty little, holepu the fence, bke a good goat,’’ fa tered Mrs. >ponpendvke. apostrophizing the unit); a: in a purely feminine sash - ion “Shoe, dear, now, and be real nice.” The goat looked at he,, there bv freezing her blood, aud start ed slowly so; the bottom of the yard. 4 cs, love! rapped Mr. Bpoopeu dyke, bringing uis stick down oo the back of the 1 east with a vtn dictive grin. “There’s a nice lii 'lo opening lor goats that’s await ing for thee!’’ and down came the s ick once more. ‘Who e-e-e!’’ squeal d Mfs Spoopendyke, ns the goa- whirled ike a turn-table, and face’ all tho points of the compass atone* “Hu must be looking for the p’ace to get out isn’t he? What do you suppose makes him act th t way f Whe -e-e-e! The list yell was extract rd by a sudden straightening up )f the goat, who tore around (he yan, like a cat in a fit. “Witn that Headway he 11 Leapt io go through the 1 ole in the fence if he ever hits it.” observed Mr. Spoopendyke, who had joined his wife in the middle of the circuit rather precipi/ously. “I tbiuk I must have stiuck him a little harder ihan he meant to ba.e me Now you get him again an 1 we'l fix him so that the next ii.no he sees a Lola m our feac e Lc’ll get a hammer aud board up /no temp tation” Mrs. Spoopendyke eele I along the fence and took her station wi ll considerable pertu. batiuu, the goat came down on a /rot, and finally stopped and looke i a trifle bewildered. Mr. Spoopenuyke grasped bis stick with firmer grip figuratively speaking, waited for his wife to deliver the ball. “Now star/ him,” said she. Mrs. Spoopendyke waved her apron aud the goa/aiming straight at the hole in the fenco b re down upon it with three hundred got! power. Mr. Spoopeudyke aimed a lick at him, missed bin, and went tumultuously through the hole as Hie goa/ struck iLe fence and bounded oack. “Great Gracious !” ej .culated Mr. Spoopeudyke, swarm.ug up the step ladder and squatting at the cop “Are you bur/ dear ?” //nrt howled Mr. Spoopeudyke, peeping through the hole and con temp'ating his wife with a savage glare. Think I’m a nail to come through a board fence and be clinched without feeling it ? Ctn’t you scare that goat awaj from this ole so I can come back and commune with him once more ? Come down off that dod gasteti ladder can't ye? Got a notion that measly goat is coming up here to be scared? Come down and throw brick at him will ye ?” “I haven’/ got a brick," mur mured Mrs. Spoopendyke, as she scuttled down the ladder “but Ili get a liat-iron,” and hat ing provided herself with a weap on the use of which she under stood, she sallied for/h to effect an exchange of situation between the goat, and her husoand. “Now go long/’she exclaimed, sternly, holding cut her war ma terial at arm’s length. “Ain’t you ashamed of yourself, you nasty coat! O-w-w-w —I Look out, dear!” But Mr. Spoopendyke, constant to bis want of faith in his wife’o suggestions, incautiously looked .11, and he and the poa/ rolled over eacii other in the vacant lot. “Did the whole business work in accordance with the schedule? he yelled as he picked 'himself up and shied the remnaut of his slick at the Hying foe. “Did the whole measly goat get through,or is tlier, mote to follow? Da n’t omit a stanza in this refreshing season of worship! Let’s have the whole hymn!” and Mr. Spoopendyke pre senting himself at the opening in tho Lace, with mud streaked face hud mitered habiliments. ‘h ne in, dear,” said Mrs. •ipoupeadjke soothingly. “Come in, lto.v He's gone,’’ ”1 snow he's gone!" howled Mr. opoopctulyke, crawling through the hole. “I saw him when be went! Oh, you s‘acted him! When he saw that vigorous mind of yours hacked up by a dod-gast ed fi t iron. alFhecould downs to g- ! At other ,itue you see me tiring a goit out ol a yard you let things alone, will yet ’ and Mr. Spoopeudyke bobb'ed into the house us change his clothes. "I don't care,’’ murmured Mis. "poopeudyke, dragging a burrel ag inst the hole us protection against further incur ions, “i on’t care: Ihe way he was chop pi“g at that goat with las stick, ho wouldn’t have had him out iu it mo th. You want to treat a goal ike a crease, aud iron it out or,” Hhe continued, referring t) s .iiiii prtviou experience, “if you want to make sure of having it go out, you might hire it as a servant girl.” And with these luminous retiec t o .s, Mrs. Spoopeudyke tors her skirt on a nail iu the barrel aud joined her husband with a bun dled consolatory caresses. WISE WORDS Good luck must come to /hose who nobly earn. It is not the clock with tho loud est tick that "oes the boss. The beßl backing a young man can have is a good backbone of his own. Fine sense ami exalted . sense are not half so valuable as common sense. A tart temper, like other acids, is apt to sour whatever it comes in. coatacl wiib. Fretting does a great deal of mischief and never yet accomplish ed t ny/hing good. Furi v, sincerity, obedience and se f surrender are tbe marble s/eps tl) it lead to the spiritual temples. Instead of complaining of the thorns among the roses, we should be thankful there aru roses among the thorns. The hast comforts iu affliction, are those like Job’s friends who sar with him three days aud ’spake never a word. He who refuses to do jus ice to the defenseless will always be found making unreasonable con cessions to the powerful. R r i.en life has been well spent, ago is a loss of what i: can well sp.ae. But the central wisdom, which was old in infancy, is young in four score yeais. and dropping off obstructions, leaves in happy subjects the mind purified and wi e. Happiness depends not so ■ much on means and opportunities ! as on the capacity of using them. And this depends so much on ex perience and self-control that 'he prob ibility of happiness in old age j is as great, to say the least, as it, 1 youth. l.ivu f«>r SoiiM-tliiHg. l’iiousauds of mer. Lreailie, move and live—pass off the stage j of life and are heard of no more, Why? They did not a particle of good in the world: and none were blessed by them, none ccu.d point to them as the instruments of their redemption; not a line they wro e, not a word they spoke could be recalled, and so they perished, their lig’ti went out in darkness, and they were not re membered more than the insects of yesterday. Will you thus live and d'e, O man immortal?—Live for som«thing. Do good and leave behind you a monument of vir ue that the storm of time can never'destroy. Write your rame by kindness, love an! tnorcy, on t ie hearts of the thousands you co ne in contact w ; th year by year, and you will never be for go tin. No, your nume, your d-eds wi 1 be as legible on the h ar s you leave behind, as the stars on the brow of evening. Go >d deeds will shine as biightly 0 • the earth as the stars of j heaven. TIIE HITER IUTTEV A short man with i round face the color of a enmpnighn-badge and a nose which glistened and shone as if it htuljbeeu varnished s hvggcted into a Broadway bar room, one day last wet k, aud slouched over to tho lunch coun ter, where’the well Jdrossrd eusto Biers readily madoja'l tho spue for him that lie desired After satisfying an appetite that was comprehensive enough t > cover an entire fashionable boarding house ue sauntered over tl e bar. "Uinline a little brandy (hie) and a touch of ginger ale,’ he re mar net! to the b,r keeper, “Forty cents please,’’ respond ed t'iat individual. “Forty cents," replied ihe vi-i tor: “is (hie) a sum of money. 1 asked for a drink. If 1 (hie) called for money, I would (hie) go to a bank." “You had belter then go to a bank to get your drink," respond ed the bar keeper curtly as he turned to wait on one of the eusto t»ers. After waiting a few minutes in thirsty silence, the abort mm again renewed his request. “I tell you replied tho drink mixer, annoyed at his pci’sistance “you can’t have n drink here un less you pay for it in advance." “Oil, that's (hie), is it, ? you won’t trust me for a diink. Wed will you hike it for collat/eral ?’’ and he laid an old fashioned watc.ii on the counter whoso col or was the shade of brass. “No sir I won’t take that. This is no junk shop at.d if you don t get out of here you won’t want a drink so the next ,ix months ! ’ “Hold on,” replied the short man “don't (hie) gel excited. That wa'ch is a family (hie) keepsake It was given to my (hie) grand father by the Emperor Napoleon. It's pure silver.’’ “Pure brass you ueun. Come gei oui I’’ “Let go my coat (hie). I’ll leave it to any gentleman (hie) present if it ain’t silver." “What’s the matter," in'irrupt ed a quiet man » ho had been u si i nt observer of controversy.” “Why ibis bum,” responded the bar-keeper, “says this brass turnip is silver, and wants me to stand him a drink on it.” “Le! mo look at i*.” The watch was handed over and the quiet man, after a careful inspection, returned it with a smile of contempt. “I’ll tell you (hie) what I’ll d>, interposed the tramp : I’ll bet you a hundred dollars it’s sil ver.” Take your bet; put up your money,” returned the quiet man quickly. “The bar keeper by this time had let go Ins hold on the short mail's sleeve, and the rest of the eu,turners Lad gathered alosely around ilio pair. The tramp drove into his ragged pocket and pulled out two fifty dollar no es, which were promptly placed into thu bir keeper’s hand’s. The silent man also laid a hundred dollar bill on the count-r and a man WuH sent out for a jeweler. In a few minutes he returned wi b a workman, and /lie watch was handed to him for in spection. He looked at it and hen tiled through the surface, aud applied a drop of acid to the ex posed metal. In a half a minute ho returned it to the bar keeper and remarked that ii was solid sil ver hiavily plated w /ii linns. Five minutes la er a short man with a rod nose slouched into a cross itroct gin mill and sat down oelido a t ill ied baited, urn.star ial appearing , an. “Well, Jimmy,” inquired the second mai. “wtniZ luck? ’’ “I worked the watch racket for a bund. ed. “WI e’s the bio lie?” laconical ly imp. .ed the other. “Here. ’ and he pulled* out the oil! ue had won. “Well, remarked the red haired man, with deep disgus; : You’re a ime man to belong to the pro fp ■ 'o*, von are.” “ tVby,’ waspnd the eh >rt r,,in ‘Wl’i'N toe matter with mo ?’ JOHN T. WILSON, ,Ir , Publisher. "l’ln re’s nothing the mu a with you except tlmt you're i i liot. “Why?’ “The bill is counterfeit,” lt was. C OMPELLED TO DANCE. A story lias just come to light at Canton, On., which affords much nmmoment to (lie natives ai i he expense of three Boston dudes whoso connections wnh the open ing of a Georgia marble quarry Imd brought them there. Their in.iuesare John SheHmat, Edward Amiuen and Henry* Rondeuu i iiey have hud much amii ennui with mountain liooziers and do lighted in showing of! then su 11 crier accomplishments. Whib on /he way to Tates Weduesduy i hey met two harmless-looking country boys who, barefooted and with but ono suspender over their shoulders, were trudging to town I’ho Bos’oniaus stopped to the front of them and ordered them io dance to a Massachusetts jubu W hon the mountaineers became satisfied that tiie Bostonians were ill earnest they pulled on 1 two ugly louking revolvers and turned their programme by ordering the dudes to dance. Thinking to humor tho joke and thus escape easily they danced awhile, hut (lit boys would not let th'in halt For five hours under the cover of revolvers the Bostonians danced cuoli a jig as has never before been seen. When tue time wus up ono of the mountaineers ex claimed; "Nov, dang if, run!’’ Th Bostonians were only too glad to do so, and reached the towu footsore aud weary. They are now seekiug legal redress. HITS OF SOIDNCK. Sharks have eyelids; whales h ve none. et winters have been found 'o result disastrously to insects. T io grasshopper develops from the young larva to the winged ad ult without changing its inode of life. it is a .curious fact that the looms used in the manufacture of silk in New Jersey are almost sac smiles jf those employed for the same putp >se in India and China. A member of the London Met eorological Society has invented an instrument called the anemo graph, which is operated by elec tricity and keeps a tecoiV on pa per of the direction and velocity of the wind. Mr. F. Day has discovered in artificial breeding among the Sal monidie that, while all the hybrid ie 1 ween the salmon and the trout had proved sterile, the crosses be tween the salmon and chars had proved fertile. Discussing the manufacture ol bone dust, Prof. .J Konig shows that when bones, previous to grinding, are freed from fats by j teal men t with benzol they are! purified from ingredients which I ave no agricultial value. \\ bile our country is supposed to be neatly free from earthquakes j no less than 3G4 shocks were re corded iii the United .Sta es and Canada in the twelve years ending with IHB3. This is an average of about one in every twelve days. j A French investigator lias found that chloroform is decom posed 111 from two to five days by the combined action of sunlight and the air. In the dark the air dvos not affect it, and light pro duces no alteration when all oxy gon is excluded. * bir Henry Bessemer has au uouuced tint, by Hie use of a very pure chrrcoal pig-iron and its treatment by a special method, a Bessemer steel i» produced whicn on analysis is found equal in purity to the highest brands of steel made from blistered bars. ••Cyanide of potassium” will re move all indelible ink whose base is nitrate of silver. Being a dead ly poison, it will be hard io get from the druggist in most cities. Turp*htin- or alcohol, rubbed in hat, rtm ve. the new inks, usi g soda and soap freeiy in hot water afterward. GWLYjYETT RE HALT), OUR JO ft DEC A R Ml: JIT IS complete. AL,. ORDERS FOR I? j// r* i it, , Nh.V ILYT ? NTD PROMPTLY EX ECU- * El) Entcri-ii in (lie Pont Office at Law rcticevl lie, (Ja,, us second class mall matter. NO 49 lIUMO’ OP THE DAY. Woman’s sphere—Apple dump <iug A tl rury composition— A bread pudding. Little He louin boys are allowed i'd the dessert they want. A near sighted man can be in ue best of health and yet look bad Its rather a singular thing that if yin txpect to find coal you uni t look for it in v< in. Easiiionnblt wa king sticks are very heavy UiP winter. It wil 1 now be iinpo; siblc to tell the dude from tiie cane. Victor //ugo, at the age of 83 js building a house and oversee ing tho work himself, so as to 1)0 certain it will stauj a lifetime Alcohol can be produced from mound gas of Western Pennsyl vania. Alcohol, when misapplied, is productive of natural oratorical gas. Dot t fret if you can’t gei into society. The oyster is often pres cut at a supper whin ho would perhaps prefer to be at home in i: is bed Kate Fields says Mormon wives ute horrible cooks. This is not s/range. It L a maxim old as the hills : “Too many cooks spoils the bruin.’ Alt old maid iu Nashville keeps u parrot which swears, and a mon key which chews tobacco. She says between tho two she doesn’t miss a husband much Florence Marryat ui.Rs in a lecture un bout and a half long : “Vfhat shull we women do with our men ?” If Florence would apply to a widow she would get a cor rect answer inside ol five mic “Dou r t talk /o mo about W ug ner. 1 was un in limine friend of Rossini, and 1 admire uis mu sic above all other operus. “1 think that ‘William Tell’ is his best work,” “Do you know his ‘Baiber !' ” “No I always shave myself.” “I’d have you know sir,” Said tho irate citizen to a man on tho sWoot, “that rny wife is a high toned woman, and I won’t allow you to speak iat her.” ‘High toned,” replied the other, “1 should say sue is high-toned ; you can hear her a mile when she is quarreling with the neighbors.’’ “Ah. yes, tie raid; “/ iuve you. ’ “1 aui not young John. There is a it/lie gray in my huir, and some younger w -man may—” “Never. Ah, my own darling, you remember what the poet says The old is always the best.’ ” The engagement was suddenly broken off'. “What makes you so late coni', i g tins mom asked Mr Leon ard, a teacher in one of the New Yolk public i ciio ns, of a tardy pu pil, named Mornbrooke. “They arrested a burg'aron i!8 aired, and ma sent mo to the sta tion house to sec if it was pa,’’was lhe reply. I‘iitle iuil Humility. Once upon a time two turkeys went to roost uj on a tree. “I am the finest bir d that flies,” remarked one comp'acejjtly, ‘‘anil nothing is uigo .d for me.’ So he picked out a 1 ice, sof' springy 'iiub almost at lie 'op of the free, aud went cont ntedly to sleep. Tho ot o oue ha 1 teen brought up to eousi ler mod. sty a great virtue, and humbly remark ed: lam content to sleep near our dear Mother A’arth. ‘Pride goeth before a full,’ a“d who know oth but that a storm may come and bow my ambitious compan ion to the ground, thus breaking his vain tieekf’ So be took a seit on the lower limb. Astound'd not come, but the owner o* he turkeys did, and the pin* on the lower limb was caught and eaten. Moral. No. I—A “turkey gob bei strut 1, is sometimes an ad tage. Moral No. 2 —Dinger comes as often from he ow <8 from above. There is a obias of men ever x -eady to pump you te'- any extent, you only give them a handle.