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VOL. XXVI. NO 49 INUKfISOLL TALKS SENSE. And do you know wlmt is 11n? jnatter with tl n country today? MV wu! t mom business. Talk about chani’.y! Jiti-ir.e-- is tlx'’ liu"-t chtiiily ever conceived of Jfc.sinV>s that feeds the hungry, i ITai el it lies the naked; business . Riat wipes the tears from the widow's* eye.* and orphans’ j checks: business that puts dim-I ties iff joy in the cheeks of sor- ! Jlw; business that fills the! \yrltl with art and song, with! «nmcr<v', the land with happy jfflif Wind and water are ourkrvants; let them work. I/igting and steam are our shtvj let them toil. Starttho sue l l let labor v ith its count less:. # - have work, and where rtlieii irk thero is no want. IT KK:d‘WOItK, MY BOY. S< you can’t do it. You canbtill through this world witlit work, unless your way is q very short. Men have tried before you. Tlu-y have loafnroiind the street corners, Bund cigars, told windy sto ries,lank whisky and all that, but |y hav > never succeeded. Youte probably no smarter tbaiiher boys. You had bet ter Uu a trade of some kind raththan become a chronic loafejprodueing nothing what %yprlr yourself, nothing to help the world along. This worljius little use tor beys who V' unwilling to pull •• It theirfials and tarn their way to fan ami fortune. Thecod things of this world al re n handed around to idlers onSi.vir platters. GREW/fOME GAMBLING. When Tommy Atkins was in tne Sudan, he amused himself during the hct season with ay original game of chance called “taking the temperature.” t/ As nenrlv .-veryb --.y had a flight touch f fi-y-r, m mmit ‘ therm meter would • e borrowed from a surgeon and the temper ature of t-ach oiiv taken. Each man would put up u small stake,and the one having the -highest. temperature would ts I* t: l pool "^TtVwinner would sometimes no d a tempeiatunl as Irigh as us 102 F.|‘ which speaks Cor it nelf. It is a good illustration of the rsckl-ssiiess possessed by the averag British soldii-r and the philosophical way in which he takes his troubles. —Strand Mag azine. THE DIGESTION OF STA BLE EDIBLES. RnUi.d rice will digest in one hour boiled in milk, however, it recfies two hours, if eaten withinhoild milk two hours anti ievn min'd '*• Rajegg will digest in about one Itirand a hair fritd. three hourtnd a half; soft-boiled, ! r -.jours, hard-boiled, three b maud u half. The white and How should bo served to getl-tas on • assists in the di gi s’ i( of Ihe ot 1 er, '*Sa[beef requires four hours and ft i-< ii minutes . It-(steak, broiled, time hour: Sited Viters, throe hours and tialf. Oysters require a 1 n?ij time to digest than broil ed nit. Ibit v<:il requires live hours for |fle.t digestion. Fork the ■uiiiq S it i udding is supposed to take hours at.d a half.— Mrs.j. T. Borer in February Ladij’ H- one Jqurnel. A NECESSITY. In, o any community, ai d ,i |1 find that the most sue upon are those who pat uewspap*rs and road le.s« days tho newspaper j jucatar. Tt xt books and j ho iks ciiiinot take its A man cannot bo at his i it | rofessionul man, iner chutjfurmor or mechanic un* Jess t x a4# th« newspapers and i'ps up with the progress of 1 1" >r'<.l • I jin;;- .1 etrerson said that | be will rather live in a conn-, try jth newspapers, and with out] t" i (inn nt than in a co .ry i ! v* t‘ • en» 'ud w itll' nett -p pel's TJ ' out- is .i liece-si- [ tv, tom r, luxury, un ad- and s fri-u.t. The man | - tod - without it will 4-_a\Hs h handicapped and otli-j iii | * ut 111 t i see and j wil m sat o s. 1’ Lavina t»eeit stated lately I|l 11 lie L'.igbst pmi era Unit j Q,u>.i i Vic, ilia nos ho-n a total abstainer tor solera! year*, isnin U , |y ll IS deemed tt worth inv sti ta'o the impor* t int me't-r and now this an liotiuc-m ill i' made; “Her J 1 tj )S tv drit k - little w me, l ut at t o’clo k lunch —which |r. al jv constitutes her dinner —her l)>jvri ugn is a ulus, of weak Hj,,t 'h whisky and mineral tin- P|. At dinner bur Majesty dots ] l more that merely touch , ' f » Jur it me. The Gwinnett Herald. FOR MATHEMATICIANS. ! HOME qt'RKK FliltmiNll KOI! AMI’SK MI,NT ANI) t NsTßl'i I Ton. Philadelphia Times. In what month and on what iday of the month weft'.you .born ? Write down the • "tnber of ;t he month and to t . right of it the number of the n Mill j t iply hy 2, add s,.mt.liiply by 60, add your age, subtract 8(56 and then add 110. The result will he the number of the month and the day of your birth as well as your age. Thus: Suppose you were 10 on March 7. March is the third month, so you write down 55 and to the right of it 7. Now multiply by 2, add 6, multiply bv 60. add your age, 1(1; fcubstraet 6(50, add 116, and you have 8,710 —that is, you were born in .the t hird month on the seventh day, and your age is 10 Try the process with any person Vs age, and you will get a similar result. If you take in y number con sisting of throe consecutive digits, like 264, and permute them, making six numbers, then add these up,.divide by 0 (1 tell me the quotient, I will tell you the number thought of. In this case the quotient al ways cousists of three equal numbers. The number thought of will consist of one of these equal numbers and of the next lower and the next higher num ber. Thus: < 264 246 624 642 426 462 1,998 Dividing 1,998 by 0, we. get J 666, so that 6is the middle digit of the number thought of. Here is a queer bit of reason ing. What is wrong about it ? j 4 minus 4 equals 2 minus 2, since each is zero. Divide each | side of the equation by 2 minus 2. and we find that 2 equals t. Mathematically, 4 —T—2 —2. 4—l 2—2 !fence = , that is 2 1 2—2 2—2 We have" spoken of perniut- I ing. The subject of permuta- an interesting one. In how iminy wavs do you suppose, \ for example, it is possible for the 12 clubs of the National Basoball league to wind up at tho close of the season? Let us set*. Call the clubs by the letters A, B, C, I), etc. 'The first •let ter, A, can, of course, have but one arrangement; but, taking in B, we find that we now have two arrangements possible, All and BA—that is, twice as many as one letter. Now bring in the third letter, C. With AB we civil arrange C ill three way CAB, ACB and ABC—and with BA we can arrange C in three more ways, making <> wavs in all—that is. 11 letters may be arranged in three times as many wiiys as 2 letters. Similarly we shall find that 4 letters may be arranged in 4 times as many ways as 15 letters. By proceeding in this way, we find that the 12 clubs may be urrungt d in us many ways as 1 times 2 times 8 times 4, and so ou up to and including the whole number of clubs. If you will multiply the first, 12 num bers together, you will find that tli * product is 479,00! ,000, which number represents tin* number of possibilities of tin* case. If it were undertaken to print all the possible guesses at the relative standing of the dubs at the conclusion of the season therefore, and we allow two square inches for each guess, the paper required would cover 152 acres of ground. Tho sensitive plant seems al most to possess intelligence. When touched or even approach ed, it- leaves shrink away, a i hough in fear. The philosopher of the Atchi -3(i.. Ul ,b ns .- to ii mark thal marriage seems to have on • good effect upon women: it cures them < r keeping a diary, and starts good many of them to keepi g dai y. All C l ift old hook dealer hough oil'lo from a tramp, who said >iu found it ‘‘on the road” between Cortland, On*., and Omaha. The Bible was printed in Psoi> and has maim scrip notes made in Plymouth, Miss., in 11159. The bookseller lias refused <176 for the volume. LAWRENCEVILLE, GEORGIA, TUESDAY, FEBRUARY I 6th 1897. ! ’l’ll K NEWEST FI UK ESCAPE a enAOTioAi, sum-: koi: i.ikk. A tiro-eseapi that, has just been perfected and is being erected on school and other pub lic buildings, is so arranged that children lind it a pleasure to forsake studies for fire-es cape drill. Instead of compell- j ing a tenant in a burning build- j ing to climb down a steep'and i slippery iron ladder, the new j lpe-e,scape provides a way to j the street by means of a gentle! slide, which a child can accom plish without any danger. The fire-escape is shaped like a cylinder, is (1 feet in diameter ane is made of smooth sheet steel. In the cento# of the es cape is a chute, which winds round and round a pipe that is intended to carry the water for the fire hose. The chute is so arranged tlidt it is Impossible! to slide down at a dangerously fast [nice. When a fire breaks out in a building to which one of these (ire-escapes is attached all the occupant has to do is to open the window nearest to his rooms, place his wile and family in the chute, down which they will tfently descend to the ground, and then follow by the -.atne comfortable route. It is as pleasant as a toboggan slide, and to children it is a fascinat ing pastime. The new escape was given a trial at a school building at Oswego, X. Y.. recently. The children were busily at work with their books when the alarm sounded, but they made fur the fire-escape landing in the usual orderly manner. One by one at the word of command they clilulled into the chute and j descended to the ground in safe ty, They went down at the rate of lot> a minute without i confusion, and in a little over four minutes 6<X> pupils had reached the sid.-v. ilk. Besides the chute the new fire-escape is supplied with plugs to the water pipe in the center, so tlyit hose can lie at tacheil at any of the landings. This practically makes it a fire escape and water tower com bined. A fireman’s ladder has been placed on the outside of the escape which reaches to flu tup of the-building, and an end less rope for twisting the hose to the top of the building has also been added. The time saved by this contrivance which dors away with the necessity for ladders, will be of great value when a fire is being at treked. The fire-escape is especially adapted for use in hospitals! where sick and maimed patients 1 could not be carried down an iron ladder without great dif ficulty and danger. Tho de scent of the chute.is so easy that no harm can come to a sick * person, provided care is taken I to properly place the invalid in j the chute ready for the descent, j The shape of the chute renders j it as sate when used in counec- j nectibu with a skyscraper as when attached to a low build ing, and the slide for life is as easy and pleasant as walking downstairs. As is well known, one of the greatest dangers when a tiro breaks out in a crowded build ing is the likelihood of a panic. Stairways are often rendoied impassable in this *iav. Thro’ hurry one or more of those seek irg to escape will fall, and those behind will crowd over them, trampling them underfoot and often packing the stairway sol idly with human bodies. With the chute sueli a condition is impossible. Th<* person who falls into it will slide to the bottom as sately as -lie who starts carefully, and it cannot be choked except at the bottom and with a door of sufficient nize there that danger is obvia ted —X. V, World. WIDOWS OF RKVOLI TION AKY SOLDIERS. “Seven women are still draw ing pension# as the widows of men who saw aetiv service in the war of the Revolution; women whose husband# served Washi gum mo*-, than a hun dred and twenty years ago,” w rites .Howard in the February Ladies’ Home Journal. “The eldest of these -urviving widows of tlx* Revolution is living at L’*s Angeles, California. .She ii Mrs. Lovey Aldrich, now in the ninety-i ighth year of her age. Her husband was Private Caleb Aldrich, who was horn in ! the year 111(18, and served us a soldier boy in the New England j campaigns of 1 hr? war. Mr.- Nancy Jones, of Jonesborougl Tennessee, whose husband wa Darling Jones, a private m on ul the North Carolina regi menls. is the youngest of tin- Revolutionary widows, beim i now about eighty-three years o !»g" “The other five Nancy Cloud, w ho is living at Churn, Virginia and is the widow of Sergean William Cloud, of Captain Christian’s Virginia line; Estliei S. Damon, of Plymouth I nion Vermont, whose husband was Private Noah Damon, of Massa chusetts ; Mary Snead, living at Parkslev, Virginia, widow of Private Bowdoin Snead; Nancy A. Weatherman, who lives at Elk Mills, Tennessee, and whose first husband was Robert Glas cock, a'fifer in one of the Air giniafregiinents, and Rebecca Mayo, living at Newborn , Vir ginia, w idow of Stephen Mayo a soldier from Viginia. That these women can be tile widows of Revolutionary solde-rs i,- roadily understood in view o! the faet that their husbands were well on in years when they ; married. As, for example, j when Est her Sumner married Noah Damon in the year 1866 —fifty-two years after the close of the war—she was but twenty one, while he was seventy-six. “The last Revolutionary widow pensioner who had mar ried prior to the close of tin close of the war, and had there i fore,actually lived during Revo lutionary times, was Nancy Se rena, widow of Daoiel F. Bakt mati., She died about, twenty- seven years ago, only a year m two after her husband, who wa the last of the ReVolut ii na \ soldiers on the pension roll.” THE OFFICE OF CII.KF JUSTICE. The office of chief just.ieo o the supreme court of the I'niti i States'was established by tin constitution concurrently with office of president; but ivhih the presidency has been open t< all native-born citizens above the age 66, the ofi’eo of ebie justice of of the supreme court, bestowed usually upon men of mature if not advanced year.-, has been ln-ld in fact by seven persons only since the founds ♦ ion of the government. Tlier have been more than threi times as many presidents. John Jay, of Now York. w,-s the first chief justice of the su preme court He was appoint ed by Washington in 1789 Judge Jay at that time was only 44 years of age. When lie attained the age of 60 he re signed and retiled to privet life. He died 84 years later— in 1829. The second of the supreme court chief justices was Join Ellsworth, of Connecticut!. IHe was 64 years of age yrhet -appointed and served until : 1801, when he resigned, resign * j lions from public office being somewhat more frequent then | than now. His successor was John Mar shall, of Virginia, who was It - ! years of age when he assumed this post by appointment nt President John Adams; In* led it uninterruptedly for thirty four years, until his death in 1885. Andrew appointed as his sue censor, Roger B. Taney, o' Maryland, who held tbs office’ until his death in 1804. Judge Taney was 59 years of age when appointed and 87 at the tim of his death. No chief justice of the supreme court, perhap had more intricate questions i*i determine or to vote upon in that tribunal than did Judg* Taney, and his tenure and thal of Chief Justice Marshall stretch over nearly one-half of the hi-- tory of the Cnited Stut-es as n nation. Chief Justice Ta iy\ tuicce-- sor was Salmou P. Guano, ol Ohio, who had previously been secretary of the treasury, and was 50 year# of uge when ap pointed. He served for nin years, dying in 1878. M Cha si* win appointed by A bra ham Lincoln, and it is a parti I the political history their day that Mr. Chase was a candidate fertile Democratic nomination the presidency, though lie Mind been one of tie* founders of (lie Republican party. Chief Justice Chase was suc ceeded in 1878 by President i i rant’s appointment of another j Ohio man, Morrison R. Waite, | who was 67 years of age w hen | appointed, and served until 1888, w hen he was succeeded hy tin-present Chief Justice Mel ville \\. Fuller, npjjhintcd by President Cleveland Mr Ful ler is a native of Maine. He was, when appointed, 66 years of age, and was 04 on Feb. 11. lie is thy seventh of the chief justices of'the supreme court and has served t Inis far a briefer term than any of bis predeces-l sors since Chief Justice Ells-1 worth. ♦ In addition to the eliief jile- j t iees who have served, several! men who have been nominated for the office, but rejected by the senate, which has confirma tory power. The office of chief just ice is by many citizens more highly coveted 'haif that of the presidency. The labor is less, | 11he responsibility much smal ler, tin tenure'onger and the honor an exalted one. FARM HANDS NEEDED. An American who hail lived in Mexico for twenty years eame lack to this country a few months ago and visited the places and people .that were once familiar to him. His opin ion of his native land, as re ported by tin- Mexican corres pondent of The Boston Herald is by no means flattering, says t ln- Yoatli’sYotnpniii- ii. There are “nice people” here yet, but lie thinks that the prevailing tendencies in Am rican life favor extriivagHin <-, prenten sion, 1" v and worry; and! along „ . the overdriven man i \e have the lazy man also. ‘Just to text this In bo? ques tion.” the visitor told tfio cor respondent, “1 went to planta tion- in Virginia and to farms hi < >hio, dressed in my old dials and asked for work. There was plenty i ,e it. The planters and farmois were all w illing to give me $lO month and good hoard and a clean lied all the year round. I reckoned it tip that I could savo SIOO a year at that rate and get fat, too. I have worked hard in mv time in rough employments and have no fe - r of sweating. “W ell, then, 1 met some voting Hows in Washington, loafing -out the barrooms and in f. in • of the hotels, talking i ulwni ! rd times. “ . i ffl 1 said, “there is no need < t loafing and grumbling. I ll teP yotj where yon can get work. 1 over to Alexandria and there i.Mr, So-and So wants a man; another wants three, mid still another two. Wages |l(t a month, bread, butter and meat, and peaches and cream in the season “ ‘You can read Sundays and learn something, and coine out with money in your pocket at the end of the year. Why leaf |on your friends and talk poli tics? Better work.’ “My reception by tln seyoung iiu*n was not aiit husiastic. Home said they had never worked at hard manualJabor; others de spised farm-' , it was so dull in “ ; v. All sorts of excti r* given, but not one prompt good sense anil a willingness to do lione t, bard work. “Now, that's a fine lot of jyoung men for you! You call 11hem, 1 suppose, the hope ot America, and all that The fact js our cities are crowded with men w that there is a surplus in every depart meat jof labor. Tie-country has been j emptied of the brawn and mu,- :cle that should b ,:v**n to ug riculture. On a farm a man can nt least raise food enough tq avoid starvation, and if In* is not abb* to purchase land and i cannot find occupation in our cities, there are farmers in near . 1 v all parts of the country who will be glad to employ him. It has been calculated that mi Great Britain tin* output of books is as follows: Sermons, .me volume a day.' novels, live a day; educational books, two a day; art and science, two of |each every week; histories and biographies, six a week, and law, one every two wicks. The science of biology dates from Trevirauus’ work on the subject in 1802. He dealt, ac cording to the know ledge ol his I time, with the science of lift*. In 12 days a letter from Ca di/. will be delivered in New ' York. SNEERING AT A ME CHANIC. __________ * ‘Loys, says an exchange, “do not sneer at, the hardwork ing mechanic, for beneath that dust soiled jacket may rest the spirit of true nobility.’’ . The exchange is eminently correct. It is indeed wrong to pass through this world sneer ing at mechanics A good.’ av erage, able-bodied mechanic is a bad man to sneer at. At al most any unexpected moment he is quite liable to transfer some of the dust of his jacket to the broadcloth coat of the sheerer and jolt him severly if he sneers to hard at the me chanic. If a boy or young man is contemplating sneering at a mechanic, it would he quite as well not to'let a hard-working mechanic catch him at it. When the liov wants to siw-i-r real hard an if feels that he can’t hold it any longer, it would be far b«-t --ter, instead of plunging right into t tie midst of a lot of Hard working mechanics to seek some seluded locality and have the si.eer out all by himseff. It would look a great deal better, and the boy would look better when he went back to the bosom ( of his family. No. boys, it is neither polite, genteel nor wise to sneer at a met hiinie Neither is it healthy. Thi• sneerer, is too often found in a pensive mood, abstractedly engaged in applying pieces of raw beefsteak to his eye. trying to reduce a swollen nose with a gi-iierniis decoction of arnica, feeling his lame back or pick ing the gold filling out of lib teeth, which he happeiid to cas ually cough up soon after in dulging in his playful littic sneer at the hard working me chanic'. This is a practical les son in psrrlor etiquette which •the’youth will not I* liable to forget in a month or six weeks. —Texas Siftings. great girl. “Greatest girl at our board ing house you every saw,” de clared (Juirkly, with a giggle. “Never says what you expect her to say, and you’d be disap pointed if she did, after hearing her. ‘•Dry goods clSrk sitaopposite her, and asked the ether day if she really thought there were bargains in the matriirionial lottery. ‘Of course there are,’ she answered with a laugh. ‘1 myself have been maiked down from !18 to 20. ’ “Old bachelor that sits next toiler at the- table spilled liis ice cream in her lap. She nev er screamed nor ran away, but effusively took him by the hand and congratulated him on the coolness of the entire proceed ing. “Dude boarder had the nerve to propose to her, ami she took half an hour explaining to him how it was a'.l she could possi bly do to support her’ mother ami herself. When she thought of taking on any more obliga tions, she would certainly have another talk with him. The chump went around telling it, proud as a turkey gobbler. “Ileal estate fiend wanted to sell her a lot for twice what it ; was worth. Sho closed the deal j by offering to take half his com mission and give him a quit claim to tlie lot. lie still scratches his head and looks at her from the corners of his eyes. “Think of laying my own for tune at her feet. Haven’t the slightest idea that she will ac cept. and for that very reason am inclined to think that sin will. ” —Detroit Free I’ress. in most states of the t’nion a bushel of wheal equals sixty pounds. In the pupa state, the lies siuu lly can sea rely be distin gnislioii from a Itxseod. Conductors on smoking cars should at least help the ladies to alight.—Philadelphia Roe old. Sarah Thomas, a.lively wo man lini years old, in Wales, possesses all her faculties, but is a dangerous somnambulist The Princess of Wales annually sends her on her birthday a* many shillings as she has lived years. 'l'lie late A. T. Stewart, speak ing figuratively rather than lit eral iy 4 once sad, “If you have two bushels of potatoes to sell, •l>eiid the price of one bushel in advertising the price of the other.” . 1.00 PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE Highest of all in Leavening Power.—Latest U.S. Gov’t Report RoYaI Baking lv*'SS Powder PURE | Ol'R LITERARY STATES MEN. .Southern lawyers, as « rule. | are lovers of good literature Sargent S Pn-ntis* stored his retentive memory with thou sands of the brightest gems in song and story. Our own Chief Just ice Lump kin was a great reader, and his decisions arc noted for their lit erary flavor. He road the best fiction and poetry, and this accounts for liis graceful style, his re-It vo cabulary and his wealth of.» il j lustrat ion*. Robert Toombs was a cion reader of the leading reviews. He found in their pages the cream of thp literature of the | period, and thus got in touch with it. Tile reviews were bet ter periodicals in his day than i they are now. Alexander H. Stephens was ready at any time to drop law , and polities for a literary dis-' j mission. Beiijiinin 11. Hill cured noth ing for fiction, but In- loved Milton, and quoted liberally from him in his speeches and writings. Judge John Erskiis- and Judge. Richard 11. Clark were very fond of good novels and poetry„ami they wrote much that piisse> ed superior literary merit. A contemporary of these great lawyers, Judge Jeremiah Black, of IVniisvlvaiiia, had a more •pointed poli-fied style than any man at the bar in bis genera tion. Black explained his literary superiority in this way. Jlis parents*were (Junker#, and they limited him to a£few religious bookstand text -books, t hie day lie found in the garrett u copy of jßhnkespenre. The liov read the book through. Then hej|£iead it agtyiii Night after night he perused it *in secret. For years he studied and memorized Shakespeare “until his mind was saturated with the genius of the iinmoitnl bard. At the age of sixteen he wrote I a liook which wu*complimented hy eminent scholars for its ad ; mirable style. The. early’and constant study of that’one book in his,boyhood made Black the best writer at the Pennsylvania bar. A PATHETIC AD. . Here is an advertisement which should bring trade, says the Boot and Shoe Recorder, even though people had to use a grindstone to wear holes through their shoes: I am the father of 2fi chil dren. No tw ins. lam also a cobbler anti need work.- If I have served my country well, it is evidence that 1 will mend your shoes well. One good turn deserves another* My shop is in the rear of Cald well and Lanier’s.. Let me half sole those. J. M. Linnky. RAM’S HORN BLASTS. To dose our hearts against a brother is to shut heaven against ourselves. No trial can come to the Christian that may not tell him more of God. The only giving that is real giving is giving that is done ac cording to ability. Showing our best side to others will cause them to show their best side to tis. A poor man wii li a sunny spirit will get more out of life I ban a wealthy grumbler. You can sometimes te]) how well a man knows Christ by tin wr v he treats ills horse. f,ove is dead when the bin band begins to grudge the money it lakes to support his wife. t It is not wlmt wo have, but what we do with wlmt we have, that proves our fitness for pro mot ion. Tlu-re is something wrong with our soul’s health, if we have no appetitn for any kind of Christian work. In everything, from praying in public to getting a tooth pulled, self wants to obtain a lilt In dist inction -for itself. No station gives immunity from heartaches and disappoint ments to the man who is not putting lus trust in God. Wlmt sick man wouiu send for a doctor who had gone no deopej- into medical books than some preachers have into the Hilda? m Moiiors. 1 ourisf—Are we near the tails ? Guide—Yes, sir. As as tlie ladies stop talking von can hetfr the roar. Friend—ls your picture in the academy a su’cess ? Artist — I’hat's what I'm won dering, Some one said it was worth the prie^ofadmission. ll(—denes is all right, I sup pose, but he anti I do not like each other a bit. She—Well, that is much to the credit of both of you.- Amateur Humorist—That’s a pretty good joke of mine, don’t you think so? Experienced Editor—Well, it is just as funny now as it ever was. Robert—When I get into my new house I mean that every thing shall go like clockwork. Richard— I see; the same as heretofore; tick, tick. The English language must lie tough, At least that’s what I’ve reck oned. For it is still alive today Though murdered every sec ond. Inquisitive Lady—Why do yon hate soap so ? Dismal Dawson—l don’t. I simply ignore it. We don’t move in the same set; that s all. Miss Itanknumber—Youdou’t mean to sav you became engaged to him after but livb hours’ ac quaintance ? M iss l p-to-Dnti—Certain Iv. I Imv much time would you have me devote to one engagement? Hobby—ls oxygen what the 'xen breath all day ? I’upn—Of course, and what everything else breathes. Hobby—And is nitrogen what every one breathes at night ? Wife—Those Eskimos up in Alaska have good, sound com mon sense. Husband: —How so ? W ife—Why, when they fall in love with a girl they un- * nomine it by sending her a seal skin sttiypio. Sister—There,you have candy all over your new suit! What will mamma say ? Little brother —Well,mamma won’t let me have any fun in these clothes till I get ’em spoiled. This world is but a fleeting show, And U w are they, alas! Who can rake up a pull that’s strong Enough for a free pass. ‘ls Wheelhed a man of his j word?’ ‘l fear not. He saya he has a bicycle lamp that never goes’ out ’ —New York evening Jour nal. Smith—So you wero married on election day, were you? You didn’t, vote, then. Brown—No, 1 was paired Somerville Journal. ‘Well, now that you are hack, i you can tell us how much it I costs to go to Europe.’ 'AH you’ve got and ull you i can borjow over there. ’ —Judge. ‘What is a ‘coign of vantage, ’ papal’ ‘Something American girls use in catching foreign hus bands, my son.’—Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Maud—Why’did .Mabel give uj> Clarence Sprocket? Maydie—Oh, In* got a new wheel and she objected to the make.—New York Commercial Advertiser. Hi own—l wonder who origi- Haled the idea (fiat It is on -1 lucky to begin anything on Fri ; day V Robinson—Probably it was some lazy individual who pre i ri el to wait until Saturday. Lawyer—Wlmt 1 want is to prove that my client is montal | ly deficient Expert—Certainly. There i won’t be the least trouble in showing tlmt. so long as In- lias mployed you us his luwyer. Prof, (!e during)—Oxygen, -gentlemen, is essential to ail I animal existence; there could !be no life without it. Strange j to say, it wits not discovered | until a century ago when— Student—What did they do j before- it was disoveied, pro fessor ? Adolphus—l ’ve half a mind — Kate—There, Deity, don’t ex aggerat".—lJnston Transciii t. Hewn* Tubules: at lirgggista Riyaus Tubules cure Hut uleucs.