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IVil and Humor. Tito oilier day in New York :t sharp looking little fellow said to his twM-.lier, vci y abruptly, * Teacher, I ain’t coming to school any mote.’ “ Not coining to school any more ? why, what’s the matter ; don’t yon like yottr teacher 1” “Oh, jitnini, don’t I, tho’ i Hut I’m going hack to the theatre." “ Back to the thea tre 1” “Why, re*, I act, 1 does.’’ ‘ You act; where ?" “ Yes, I’ve been on the s age lots. I sin an old hand at it. 1 was an angel to the Black Crook and bullfrog down to tho White Fawn, and 1 tell you what it is, teacher, I'd a heap site rather he a builfrog than an an angel any day.” We read of a queor sort of mild lynching in West Wyndham, V 11. “ A seedy stranger,” as lie is desig nat'd, made his uppearance in that hamlet, and, by way of becoming more pro-parous, stole a lot of tools and clothing. Upon this the primi live West Windhamites, instead of taking the rogue before * justice, tried him by a self constituted jury of the cit : z*-ns, found him guilty, and ordeiod him to run a gauntlet out of town. For half a mile he passed through parallel rows of citiaens, who now horsewhipped him, and anon kicked hini. “Brick” Pomeroy is responsible for the following on “ Brother Greely,” but we don’t believo one word of it: Horace Greclv sent to San Domingo ; for fiftv peanut trees, to set out with walnut trees on his farm in Winches ter county. He lias a theory that by grafting the peanut on the black i walnut, something out of the ordi- ] nary line of nuts can he produced. On told being that peanuts grew on root* in the ground, he looked dis gnsted, and replied to his informant: “Do you think Pin a fool, and can be made to believe that nuts and pertaiers aro the same thing?’’ “ Martha, my dear,” said a loving husband to his spouse, who was sev eral years his junior, “ what do you sav to moving to the far West?” “ Oh, I am delighted with the idea ! You recolioot when Mr. Morgan moved out there he was as poor as we are, and in three years ho died, leaving his widow worth $ 100,000.” A married man, somewhere or other, is reported to have recently terminated a long discussion with an insurance agent who wanted him to insure for $15,000 by the remark : “ No, a widow with more than ten thousand dollars would bo a danger ous legacy to leave to prosperity.” “ Don’t you think my son resem bles me ?” asked an apothecary, as he introduced his greasy-faced boy to the witty I)r. 11. “ Yes,” replied ' the doctor, pretending to scan the physiognomy of each : “ as, I think I see your linimonts in his con ntenance.” A Yankee was walking wilh an Irishman on the road to Now York, and thinking to roast his companion, said to him : “ Where would you be now, Paddy, if the devil had his due ?” “ Faith,” replied Paddy, *• I’d be walking by myself to New York.” Among the newest conundrums is, “ what will the sixty odd papers, who have in type full obituaries of Mr. W. W. Corcoran, the distin guished Washington philanthropist, do, now that he is rapidly getting well again J" The Louisville Courier-Journal ask*, if Mr. Toomba doesn’t like the •* new departure,” why the deuce doean’t he get up one of his own! Ten cents’ worth of strychnine would bo amply sufficient for the pur pose. An old lady gave this as her idea of a gieat man: “One who is keep ful of hi* clothes, don’t drink spirits, kin read the Bible without spoiling tho words, and sat a cold dinner on a wash-day without grumbling.” Tho World says : ** Mr. Groely is generally understood to carry the brains of tho Tribune with him in his excursions.” It is notorious that Mr. Greely carries but little luggage when on his travels. A New Orleans thief returned some abstracted clothing that proved too email and wrote the owner that he would would wait on him to grow. The town in Coos county, N. 11., named “ Success,” is a failure. Af ter twenty years it has only five in habitants. Sleeves are tight, say the latest London fashion*. So are the wear ers, according to the latest London scandals. A Chicago paper says of a con tem porary that it hae “ doubled its cir culation. Another man takes a copy now.” A darkey who witnessed the ex plosion of a shell for the first time exclaimed : “See dar! hell hub laid an egg." An Ohio lyoeuiu is trying to cy pher out, “ which is the oldest bat tle cry, Erin go bragh or Indi go blue P Why do girls kiss each other and men do not? Because girls have nothing better to kis# and men have. A quack doctor has invented a medicine of such remarkable virtue that it wiH cure a Ijhiu. Wbat does a grocer do wilb all his things before he sells them f Gives them 3 weigh. When, is a mother a father! Wheu she’s a sigher.^, LOOK mPAItE FOK HARVEST! MAIiKW. JOHNSON, BROAD STREET, ATLANTA, GEORGIA, Is now receiving a fall supply of HARVESTING MACHINES, such us Mowers and Reapers, I hreshers ami Separators, Fan Mills luid Horse Powers, (.’rain Cradles, etc. Also, Cider Mills, Churns, Feed Cutters, Smut Mills, und the celebrated FAN AND FLY DRIVER, which all should have. Send (or price list. Address MARK W. JOHNSON, ap 26~3m Broad Street, Atlanta, Gj. Established 1858. A Southern Institution, “Employing Southern Tulent MOORE’S actual business college CORNER WHITEHALL AND HUNTER STREETS, ATLANTA, GA. The Course of Instruction includes BOOK-KEEPING, In all its branches, taught thoroughly and practically. PENMANSHIP. A rapid, free, and beautiful style. In struction by a superior Penman. COMMERCIAL CALCULATIONS. The most rapid, concise, and improved methods. BUSINESS PRACTICES, PARTNERSHIP SETTI.EMENTR, BUSINESS FORMS, CORRESPONDENCE, COMMERCIAL I.AW, &C. The accumulated advantage of sixteen tears’ praitioal EXPERIENCE in busi ness, and the important improvements recently introduced, renders the course of instruction at this Institution, unequalled. Circulars mid qiecimciis of I’enmaship furnished on application. B. F. MOORE, ap 26-3 m Principal, Box 227. $lO 00. NO HUMBUG! NOTICE EXTRAORDINARY ! TO FARMERS AND GARDENERS ! A SOLUBLE FERTILIZER! Manufacture your own manure at home, and learn economy from the exfierience of the past year. You can only prosper by being independent; and to be independent you must make what you consume. Ma nure is no exception to the rule. Buy it, and you will be poor; make it, and you will be prosjieaous. Mr. A. Smith, a scientific and practical farmer, has deposited with me a receipt for making a Soluble Fertilizer and Gen eral Invigorator. It is founded upon the most approved principles of the chemical science, and was thoroughly tested by him before offering it to the public. It differs from ull other fertilizers in these essentials: I. It is almost instantaneous in effect. 11. It is cheap, and can be mode at home without hauling virgin soil or muck land, which would pay better, if tended where found. 111. Seed soaked in a solution of it, no mole, bird oi worm will touch. IV r . Cotton seed sou kid in it, and dried, will escape worms, and produce a larger pod. V. If applied as directed, to fruit trees, it wiil invigorate them and destroy the worms. VI. It hastens the growth of melons and vegetables, and gives vigor to the vines of the grape, etc. Before offering the recipe for sale, 1 carefully compared it with the teachings of Johnson, Porter, and other chemists, and must say, I regard it a great inven tion. Every farmer, gardeuer, or fruit grower, should have it. Send ten dollars to the undersigned, in registered letter, or by money order, and it will be sent by return post. Oil. BEARCY, mar 22-ts Griffin, Ga DARBY’S PROPHYLACTIC FLUID. This invaluable Family Medicine, for purifying, cleansing, removing bad odors in all kinds of sickness ; for burns, sores, wounds, stings ; for Erysipelas, rheumat ism, and all skin diseases; for catarrh, sore mouth, sore throat, diptheria; for colic, diarrhtea, cholera; as a wash to soften and beautify the skin; to remove ink spots, mildew, fruit stains ; taken internally os well as applied externally ; so highly rec ommended by all who have used it—is for sale by all Druggists and Country Merchants, and may be ordered directly of the Darby Prophylactic Co., 161 William street, New York, or Dr. T. K. Mitchell, laiwrenceville, Ga. sp!9-lyr HR. T. G. JACOBS, SURGEON DENTIST, Being prepared to practice his profes sion in all its Mhinchcs, informs the citi ■eos of Lawrenceville and vicinity that he will be at bis office in Lawrenceville from the sth to the 18th of each month. By prompt attention to business, and reason able prices, be hopes to secure a liberal patronage. fcajr* All work warranted. mar23!y NOTICE. I have a nick and wkll selected stock of SPRING and SUMMER GOODS. I will receive New Goods every mouth, and will sell as good bargains as can be bought in this place, fob cash. R. N. ROBINSON. Lawrenceville, Q«., April 12,1871. ap 12~6m DRY GOODS! AT JOHN KEELY’S STORE, ATLANTA, GEORGIA, Will now be found a very large and carefully selected stock, comprising in part, DRESS GOODS, in every grade ; SUMMER SHAWLS, a very choice line of WHITE GOODS, LINENS, TABLE DAMASK*, TOWELS, NAPKINS, etC., etc. ALSO, PARASOLS IN GREATjVARIETY a beautiful lot of LACE COLLARS JUST RECEIVBD, IN ENGLISH THREAD, MALTESE, HONITON, VALENCIENNES, And other styles. A large assortment of GUIPURE LACES just received, at snrpi isingly low prices. BARGAINS in Real Isima Points will be offered. A FIRST CLASS SELECTION OF ENGLISH HOSIERY In every Lyle, shape, mid quality. AI.SO, JOUVN’S KID GLOVES, IN ALL COLORS AND SIZES. ®@u An examination of this stock is earnestly solicited, as no tains have been spared to make it attractive, ap 26 3m GENERAL CONFERENCE EN GRAVING. Before the war, I sold this magnificent and incomparable historical church pic ture at $lO |kt copy. I now oiler it to the friends of the church at $5 per copy, and will allow $1.50 per copy commission, to any who will undertake its sale ; or I will sell it to clubs of five or more at $15.50 per copy. Every Methodist family in the South ern States should have a copy of this Itcautifu) and hallowed picture.’ Every official board in every station in the church ought (in my humble judgment) to pocure a copy, frame it handsomely, and hang it in the parsonage. I would say the same of every Sabbath-school con nected with the church: all should have a copy neatly framed and hnng it in their school-room. let ns remember and re vere the memory of the great and gwod men of the church, now dead, and whose likenesses are on this picture. If my friends will take hold and assist me to sell a large number of copies of this charming and attractive picture, they will confer a great and lasting favor which will be heartily reciprocated in any and every way that I may be able to return their kindness, I have a recent letter from Bishop Kavanaugh—he says, “If you can afford to sell your beautiful picture on the terms proposed, and make money by it you will do a good thing for yourself, the church, and the public. Reducing so fine a pic ture to so low a price ought to put it in every Methodist family who are in cir cumstances to five in any tolerable com fort." At the time the war broke out, I had in the hands of a number of »y friends in the Southern States, books and engra vings amounting in value, to upwards or fourteeu thousand dollars ($14,000) since the close of the wur I have only realized of that large amount, aboat $40(1. Those of my friends who still have any portion of these books and engravings on hand, will please advise ine of the fact, at an early day. My address is Fost Of fice Box 3,328, New York. ’ Wiixiam T. SiirrnsoN. May 24-ts. EASTMAN BUSINESS COLLEGE. A Southern School. I ax; at id at Atlanta, Ga. Patronize a Home Institution, And the recognized head of all commer cial or business schools for tbe practical, useful education of young men, training them for an active, successful life. Stu dents are admitted every week day in the year. For further particulars of tbe course of study, terms, etc., address A. R Eastman, Principal. ap 2C-3m THE CONSTITUTIONALIST, A DEMOCRATIC PAPER, edited by JAMES GARDNER, Esq. PUBLISHED Daily, Tri weekly, and Weekly, AT AUGUSTA, GA. Terms, Per Annum : Daily, sio • Tri-weekly, $6 ; Weekly, $3. Advertisements inserted at reason able rates. All business letters should be ad dressed t 6 STOCKTON <fc CO., a P Proprietor*. Mcßride & go., IMPORTERS i>P EARTHENWARE, TABLE AND 1 I POCKET CUTLERY, AND MANUFACTURER’S AGENTS FOR SUverelated Wave. TO MERCHANTS. a®-We will duplicate any New York assortment of Crockery, Cutlery or Glass Ware. gfct>’“We have assorted crates of best IRONSTONE AND C. C. WARE, of our own importation, packed to onr order, and exactly suited to the wants of country merchants, containing no high priced dishes or tureens, or other hard stock, but just such goods as those in coustaut cash demand. Uni' Wo sell these crates, for net cash, for SBO, and guarantee entire satisfaction to every purchaser. Id-Will send lists on apptteution. Gkantvillk, Ua., April 7,1871. Messrs. Mcßride <k Co., Atlanta, Ga.: We have jnst marked the Crockery, etc. We are pleased with the bill. Al low us to congratulate you on securing such a good packer. Scarcely a piece broken. Fill tho order for Cutlery at lowest prices. Truly yours, Garrett & Zellars. june 21-6 m SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS. The Savannah Morning News is now in the 21st year of its existence, and is acknowledged by the Press as one ol the Leading Dailies in the South. As a news gatherer, the Morning News is energetic and enterprising—up with the .times in every particular. It is care fully and vigorously edited, and is em phatically a journal of to-day. In politics, it is earnestly and hope fully Democratic, and is an unwavering advocate and disciple of the principles of ’76. It is printed in the interests of the people of the South, us Georgia, and of Savannah. The current local new* of Georgia and Florida is made a speciality ; the commercial department is full and relia ble i and the general make up of the paper is fresh, sparkling and piquant. More reading matter is given in each issue than is to be found in any other daily journal South of Louisville or East of New Orleans. The Morning News has a circulation equal to that of any newspaper printed in Georgia, and double that of any other Savaunah journal—thus affording one of the best advertising mediums in the country. THE WEEKLY NEWS. The Weekly News is a large, neatly printed, carefully edited journal, each issue containing an average of 30 columns of reading matter. It commends itself particularly to those who do not enjoy the facilities of a daily mail, and who desire to have the current news of tbe day in a cheap, compact aod reliable form. The Weekly is made up with great care and discrimination, and contains the cream of the Daily Edition of the Morn ing News. Its extremely low price, its careful make-up, and the large and varied amonnt of reading matter which it con tains, commend it to all who desire a j first-class family newspaper. Tbe Weekly will be sent one year to any address for $2 00; six months, $1 00. THE TRI-WEEKLY NEWS. The Tri-Weekly Morning News pre sents all the best features of the Daily and Y\ eekly editions, and is made up with an eye to the wants of ‘.he farming community of Middle, Southern and Southwestern Georgia. It contains all tbe Latest Commercial ami Telegraphic Intelligence up to tbe hour of going to press, ami the very large circulation to which it has attained convinces us that it fills a high place in public estimation. Tbe Tri-Weekly News will be sent to any address one year for $6 00; six months, $3 00. „ Money by the Southern Express Company may be forwarded at our risk and at our expense. Address, J. 11. ESTILL, june SI- ts Savaunah. Ga. jggf I ligkt J. Wiun, Proprlttor. B. H. McDonald A Co.,Dru*sU&s i * Om. tc, Ban Fnmctoco.Csl. ,»ud 84 Commsros 9*. ,».T. I Bear Teat In* on y Ui thetr j Wonderftal Curative Effect*. They are not a rile Fancy Drink, made of Poor Ban, Whiskey, Proof Spirit* and Reflue Liquors, doetored, spiced and sweetened to please the taste, called “Tonics,” “Appetizers,” “Restor ers,” Ac., that lead the tippler on to drunkenness and ruin, but are a time Medicine, made from the native roots and herbs of California, free from all Alcoholic Stimulants. They are the GREAT BLOOD PURIFIER and A LIFE GIV ING PRINCIPLE, a perfect Renovator and Invigorator of tho System, carrying off all poisonous matter and restoring the blood to a healthy condi tion. No person can take these Bitters according to directions, and remain long unwell, provided their bones are not destroyed by mineral poison or other means, and the vital organs wasted beyond the point of repair. . f They are a Gentle Purgative as well as a Tonic, possessing also, tho peculiar merit of act* ing as a powerful agent in relieving Congestion or Inflammation of the Liver, and all the Visceral Organs. —. i FOR FEMALE COMPLAINTS, whether In young or old, married or single, at the dawn of womanhood or at the torn of life, these Tonic Bit ters have no equal For Inflammatory aad Chronic Rhea* mutism and Gout, Dyspepsia or Indiges tion, Hiltons, Remittent and Intermittent Fevers, Diseases of the Blood, Liver, Kid neys and Bladder, these Ritters have been most successful Such Diseases are caused by Vitiated Blood, which is generally produced by derangement of the Digestive Organs, /DYSPEPSIA or INDIGESTION, Head ache, Pain in the Shoulders, Coughs, Tightness of the Chest, Dizziness, Sour Eructations of the Btomach, Bad Taste in the Mouth, Bilious Attacks, Palpitation of the Heart, Inflammation of the Lungs, Pain in the regions of the Kidneys, and a hundred other painful symptoms are the offsprings of Dyspepsia. r They invigorate the Stomach and stimulate the tor pid Liver &nd Bowels, which render them of un equaled efficacy in cleansing the blood of all impuri ties, and imparting new life and vigor to the whole system. FOR SKIN DISEASES, Eruptions, Tetter, Salt Rheum, Blotches, Spots, Pimples, Pustules, Bolls, Carbuncles, Ring-worms, Scald Head, Sore Eyes, Erysipelas, Itch, Scurfs, Discolorations of the Skin, Humors and Diseases of the Skin, of whatever name or nature are literally dug up and carried out of the system in a short time by the use of these Bitters. One bottle in such cases will convince the most In credulous of their curative effects. Cleanse the Vitiated Blood whenever you find Its impurities bursting through the skin In Pimples, Eruptions or Sores; cleanse it when you And it ob structed and sluggish in the veins; cleans* it when it is foul, and your feelings will tell you when. Keep the blood pure, and tho health of the system will { fbllow. I Fin, Tape and other Wonus, lurking in the system of so many thousands, are effectually destroy ed and removed. Says a distinguished physiologist, there is scarcely an individual upon the face of the earth whose body is exempt from the presence of worms. It is not npon th.. healthy elements of the body that worms exist, but upon the diseased humors and slimy deposits that breed these living monsters of disease. No system of Medicine, no vermifuges, no anthelmintics, will free the system from worms like these bitters. BOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS AND DEALERS. J. WALKER, Proprietor. R. H. MCDONALD * CO., Druggists and Gen. Agents, San Francisco, Califor nia, and 32 and 34 Commerce Street, New York, TWO GOOD MAGAZINES FOli $3 00. THE SOUTHERN FARM & HOME, A FIRST-CLASS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE OF Ag •iculture, Horticulture, Domestic Economy and Literature. Terms , $2 per annum , in advance. Gen. Wm. M. Browne, Editor. BURKE’S MAGAZINE FOR BOYS AND GIRLS! A Splendid Book for Young Folks. Interesting Stories, Biography, History, Science. handsomely illustrated. All adapted to suit the Youth. Terms, $2 per annum, in advance. T. A. Burke, Editor. Both these elegant monthlies will be sent for $3 to any address. Specimen numbers sent on application to J. W. BURKE & CO., ap 19-ts Macon, Ga. 1871~ ~ 1871 THE SOUTHERN CHRISTIAN ADVOCATE. E. H. MYERS, D. D., Editor. THIRTY-FOURTH VOLUME. This old and well established religious family weekly is devoted to religion and the Church ; to literature, science, art, the news, the markets, advertisements, etc. It is proposed to keep it equal to any family newspaper in the country j being all that a family that takes ones newspa per can need, and also worthy of a place with other newspapers, where several are taken. Terms : Three dollars for one year, in advance. The Ministers of the M. F,. Church, South, are agents for the paper; but.any person who will send six subscribers, and $lB, shall hat ethe paper free one year. Address, J. W. BURKE & CO., ap 12—ts Macon, Ga. THE SOUTHERN FARM ANH HOME. GEN. WM. M. BROWNE, Editor. TERMSI Single copy one year $ 2 00 Three copies one year 5 00 Five copies one year 7 50 Farm ami Home and Daily Tele graph ami Messenger one year. 11 00 Farm and Home and Weekly Tele graph atid Messenger one year. 400 Farm and Home and Gwinnett Atlas one year 3 50 invariably in advance. f J. W. BURKE & 00., mar 29-ts Publishers, Macon, Ga. THE WEEKLY * 1 GWINNETT ATLAS. A PAPER FOR EVERYBODY. PUBLISHED EVERT WEDNESDAY MORNING , -4$ ** AT LAWRENCEYILLE, GWINNETT CO., GA., By DENIS W. D. BOULLY, Editor and Proprietor. lERMS Only $2.00 a year ; SI.OO for six months, or 60 cants far thrat months, payabla in advance. V J Any one furnishing us with fire snbscribers and SIO.OO, will reeeiv a a copy of the paper free for oaa year. jar Reasonable rates for JOB WORK and ADVERTISING! jar Sand in your ORDERS.