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•© SUBSCRIPTION PRICES. .$1 25 0B(y eiJ m o7t£~- 75 40 ; fijree months. Atlanta Constitution, 1 yr„ 2 00 j jits Weekly FrBLlPHFD EVERY FRIDAY BY v BALE. I HALE A WHITE, Editors. VW..WHMB. • __ for Sample Copy Free 6. I WEAVER & BRO. ■ Con vers, O DEALERS IN aLL KINDS OF Dry goods & Notions IT Clothing, flats, Cups, Boots & Shoe? also Groceries such as Sugar, Coffee- Tea, Syrup. Ki«“, Grits Meal, Oat Meal, Tobacco, Snuff etc. We call especial attention to our line of FANCYGROCER’ES&CONFECTIONERI’S canned (teaches, pineapples, ojsters, salmon, Mack¬ g uc |, as tomatoes, erel, sardines, condensed mi,k, jelly, pickles, candy both fancy and slick, nuts, raisins, citron, macaroni, Our one spoon baking powders, Hors ford’s bread preparation, etc., etc. pepp*. r and spices both ground and grain are the very best in the market. sits tm mm & stmt We also keep a good variety of Fresh Crackers, both plain and sweet, Also the celebrated, Lustro Shoe arid Stove Polish. A good line of Table and Pocket cutlery, Crockery, Glass and Woodware, etc SSrWE MAKE FINE CIGARS A SPECIALTY,“©a Our motto; Short Profits and quick Sales- Terms strictly CAS H- Hx. IF. WEAVER & BRO. i- Jones Corner Commerce and Warehouse Sts. CQNYEBS. GA. ODTTON OTJYBBS -HEADQUARTERS FOR ALL KINDS OF General Merchandise at Bottom PriceS. ir"Dents for the NEW HOME Sewing Machine. BfsT’We keep all kinds of SEWING MACHINE * NEEDLES.“©8 • He adquarters For all School Books adopted by the Board of School Commissioners ef’.his counly. MORE POPULAR THAN EVER. -Tbe Recent Improvements’Made in The WHITE SEWI’G MACHINE ! ADI) MUCH TO THfl ANY EXCELLENT QUiiL ESof this uper i o r Machine. m ---:o:- ilSiSi'jSSfk m | It is an Espeial Favorite of Ladies, jgggSfc Tat!os aud Others, ho use them fir the many advantages V uj ! eypisess over o'her Sewing Machines, EVERY WHITE MACHINE Wom-nted for 5 years. "I# \ J. I) & T E SMITH. Dealers, - . A’ A Wholesale ami Reiail 50 Broad St., Atlanta Georgia. P. &D. M. ALMAND, Agents, Conyers, Georgia. Carriage Manufactory J W InANGFOBD « i Carriages,. Wagons, make. Bugies, MY own li WARRANTED T3 BE FIRST GLASS IH EVERY PARTICULAR. Ikeep also a GOOD LINE of Western Carriages and Bug¬ gies which I sell LOW DOWN jllipairing of Carriages, WigonS and Bugger, Fa.iH.ng and Tiimmin Wl grades done on short notice. ■all kinds of furniture repaired asgood as new I It should be re me ill be id that My establishment is BN have now on hand the largest and best stock of waggons, of my own ih bugies homemade atm of western build that 1 have evu came l^aiit l bargains y u had better cal). All wh > owe me need for the work areear . 11 ! H-quest to come forward and settle promptly. I money an. J ►‘haveit. These who do not pay promptly will be given but stior ►’ So you will please settle promptly. ^QUARTERS UNDERTAKERS ROODS. WPFINS and CASKETS of all grades.and sizes, an d COFFIN HARDWARE *f everything tha is kept in a first class Undertaker. 'COFFINS DELIVERED ANYWHERE IN CITY OR COUNTY fhankir ng for their liberal patronage in the past, I solioi . ‘““atca my customers very done give satisfaction. of the same, wiih theevCivilii ig wil he to Most Resoectfur'-, J*. W. LANGFORD. A combination of Pro 'S toxide of Iron, Peruvian J ut^Pri’st^t^of virei 7 u,inaispensa Power* it ^^S*S8Stt./PURIFIES " BJIV.J.L.TOWSSB. Industry. “/^Sdder it n,'YVfneJited by ita / Y nrtll //'a. most debilitat excellent ed vital remedy forces- for and. Pub- the 1 : w ' lU And it fcerti fespSs fry. v a I u e neoes- Vi I ' Properties. Get. 2, _________ _ ........ ^ - *•’ 1882. ........ ST., ST. 1 0313 B 7 iss vr A OTT-Tt MEDICIHE CO., SI 3 H. UH - . r,j e onijcrs cchln SUBSCRIPTION $1.25. Volume VI. “INDEPENDENT IN ALL THINGS.” CONYERS, GEORGIA, MAY 25, 1883. THE VIKING’S DEATH. Down to the shore slow marched the mourn¬ ful throng, Bearing within their midst the dying king, And sadly rose and fell the plaintive song, As ’mid the rocks the cortege moved along, A song as of a people sorrowing. Down through the gorge, where, huge on either hand, The stern cl ids raise their bare heads to the sky; Where nothing breaks the silence of the land, Save fitful sound heard from the neighboring strand, Of Ocean’s moan, or lonely sea-bird s cry. So to the waters edge t hey slowly passed, And there laid down their load with tender care, Fearful lest each faint breath should be the last,— For life’s enfeebled tide was ebbing fast— And it should be too late to grant his prayer. For he, their king, whose deeds dim legends tell, Had made with trembling lips this last request: That, rocked to hislast sleep on Ocean’sswell, Lone ’raid the waves whose voice he loved so well, He might sail slowly to the fabled West. So, near the shore a glorious galley lay. Splendid with gems, and awnings, [fold on fold, Wondrous and rich in light of dying day, Which lit with varied hues the sparkling spray, And shot the purple sails with threads of gold. On to the deck the aged king they bore, And gently laid him op the silken bed ; Placed near his hand the sword he ever wore, With shield and crown, that on the distant shore He might still be a king among the dead. The snow-white decks they strewed with flowers bright, And set the sails to catch the gentle wind, And theD, ere changed the evening’s mystic light Into the glimmer of the starlit night, The vessel left the shore and them behind. The pale stars watched the galley glide all night. Wave-rocked, whereon the living, lone king lay; But when the sun uprose in lordly might, Aud bade the world—aroused to life and light— Renew its toil—the king had pasted away. “CHRIS-” BY CATHIE CUTTER. “Chris!" came floating faintly up the broad staircase. And Chris, stepping to the door asked,— “What is it, Valerie ?” “Run down to Farlan's, and get some more of that lace ruffling, please.” When Valerie Richards tacked her “please" on last, she always meant to have her own way. So Chris took down her linen ulster, and donned her pretty shade hat, with something of a sigh. With the murcury up to—well. Jack said twas up farther than he could count—the prospect of a two miles’ walk over a hot, dusty, country road does not seem particu¬ larly inviting. “You must hurry, Chris,” as she passed the sewing room, “for when Guy gets back with Keith Falconer, I shall want you to help me dress. So obliging little Chris hurried. Half way to the village she espied a phaeton w hich she instinctively knew contained her Cousin Guy and his chum, Keith Falconer, For the good opinion of.this latter gentle man, whom she had met a few times before, she had already conceived quite a respect. And as our little Chris had the good sense to realize that the aforesaid good opinion of mobt gentlemen is not usually heightened by the {appearance of dusty, red faced heroines, she tilted her hat down over her face at the lowest angle, and, lowering her SUB umbrella perilously near her nose, tried to skulk by without being recognized. Of near-sighted, absent-minded Cousin Guy she had no fear, but with Mr. Falconer it might be different. Any way she got by and hurried along to Farlan’s, the great commercial eporium’’of the little village. Coming back, with head aching, blood boiling, and eyes before which little black specks seemed continually dancing, Chris conceived the brilliant idea of slipping in the back door, and up the back stairs, thus avoiding observation. Which idea she im¬ mediately put into execution. Now it so happened that Keith Falconer, catching sight of the little dusty figure slowly entering the side gate, became sud¬ denly convinced of the necessity of solving in his own mind its identity with that of a certain other little dusty figure which had crossed his line of vision something more . 1 Making^ts’excuses to the ladies, he stepped lazily out of the long French win dow tothe piazza. Once out of sigh* he quickened his pace till he reached the back door vine’grew which stood invitingly open. A grape conveniently near, and, inwardly blessing the hand that planted it, Mr Fal coner ensconced himself comfortably in its SLl ^ Chris ubbe’ries, coming slowly up through the sb - had not seen this little stratogii ! PV pr shp heoarr.p b a much more vigorous and exDres8 J ive pantomime—Valeria at one of wind . jwg w ,. v i n g her hand furious I, Wkoning her to hurry. Obeying . l ,- >s m,1 “ v , pi • T, ' ’ projec , , run; a wg ro ^ , .boot and she leli heav .y to e gro.n . In an instant Keith a coner was “J side; in another, he act raise c-r e g orm, and, supporting ier with ms s g arm, inquired anxiously if she were burL h« Then, of a sudden, she burst into tears, and darted into tbe house. Perhaps if Miss iValerie Richards had been aware that tke sewing room window was directly over the afore mentioned grape vine, behind which Mr. Falconer had again seated himself, with a somewhat disturbed countenance, the greeting she gave Chris might have been a trifle less shrill; her key note pitched a trifle lower. As it was, the young man’s reflections pleasant or otherwise, were somewhat abruptly checked by,— "Where under the sun have you been all this time? Here Watkins has been waiting a whole half hour for the lace, and we began to think you were wating for Farlan to send to New York for it! Hurry now and help her get, it, on, for you’ll have to do my hair in an hour. Do for goodness’ sake get rid of those red eyes, for you’ve got to play this evening, if”— Then Mr. Falconer, with a curious little smile on his face, left his retreit, and re¬ traced his steps ^o the piazza. Chris, coming out of the sewing-room] met Jack in the upper hall. Jack, be it known, was the only real "true blue” friend that Chris had in the whole Richards fami¬ ly. Uncle Richards was too much immers¬ ed in business; Aunt Richards too much en¬ grossed in getting a rich husband for her daughter; and the aforesaid daughter—Val¬ erie—too much takeu up with the same idea. Absent minded, book loving Cousin Guy knew there was a “Chris," for he had occasionally noticed that industrious young person dusting his books, and he had a vague idea that she always put bis dressing gown and slippers in the right place. If questioned about her, however, I doubt if he could have told whether she were eight or eighteen. So in all "the wide, wide world” Chris reckoned only Jack as her one friend and admirer. “What is it, Chris? Has Val been nag¬ ging again?’’ as he noticed her red eyes, flushed cheeks, and weary step. "Oh, no, Jack,” hastily, “it isn’t any¬ thing!” “Well, but it’s something! You wouldn’t look all fagged out for nothing," he persist ed. "I only got a little tired walking,” she answered evasively. “Needn't tell me that!” and he snapped his fingers derisively. “Or, if you did, Val had a finger in the pie somehow. I’d like to se“ a pie she didn’t have a finger in,” he muttered. "Come ‘Chrissie, tel! a fellow all it,” he added, suddenly changing his And Chrissie does “tell a fellow all about Sympathetic Jack listens, part, of the time an imaginary Valerie a piece of his mind, and then, in imagination, shaking admiringly with Keith Falconer. Chris remembers herself with a start.. "O Jack! I must help Watkins now," aud leaves him. “Yes ” he mutters wratbfully, “walk two miles in the blazing sun, help Watkins til tea time, then ring out Val, and afterward, play quadrilles for the rest to dance two or three hours! I don’t see what in thunder makes girls so hateful to each other.” Jack had no idea of being profane, but he was of the opinion that it took strong words to express strong indignation. That evening Miss Valerie Richards found Keith Falconer rather more indiffent to her charms than was altogether pleasing to that young lady. To all her witty remarks he seemed insensible, and was once rude enough to interrupt a brilliant sally with,— “Are we to have the pleasure of seeing cousin this evening? ’ your “My cousin?” she asked, arching her jetty brows in well-simulated surprise. “I beg your pardon,” he answered, “I had reference to Miss Eustace." ‘ Oh, you mean Chris! Why, I no more think of calling her cousin that I would vVatkins, my maid, Her father was only papa’s half brother any way, and we’re only keeping her till she can get a help r chance.” ‘Indeedl” The gentleman nodded rather too stiffly to be entirely gallant, it must be confessed A slight movement behind caused both to turn. Chris, with a fierce little flush on either cheek, stood waiting for them to stand aside that she might pass. “Oh, is it you?” Miss Valerie didn’t care to conceal a cer tain scornful emphasis. “Pardon me 1” exclaimed Falconer, much disturbed, for he knew she must have heard that unkind remark a moment before. But he managed to posses himself of the roll of music, and, notwithstanding Miss Valerie's Uhconcealed d.sgust at th.s proceeding accompanied poor little Chris to the ptar.o There, although he exerted himself to the u ‘ raost t0 be agreeable-and no one could °e more so when he chose-he could not altogether banish the cloud from the pretty face, or the pained look from the tender brown eyes. ^ore than cnee he looked up to see 8lic ^ en tears *> ac k Oy a great effort, aod P erba P s thhfact t0 « ether Witha 8troni! I Phonal interest, made him more devoted and tendei! y s° ll e"ous for the welfare of ; his little protege than suited the fair \ Valerie. But be that as it may, she fairly ground ber teeth in rage, as Keith Falconer stood turning Chris’ music, and once, when he capped the climax by bringing her an ice, wbo was peeping in the window, was htard tQ dec i are ._ l ., tTwhoi riQ , mad gbe shook her fist at caboodle of’em 1" "Caboodle” was a word al! Jack’s own, coined for the occasion. After that quadrille he look her out to walk on the piazza in the delicious moon¬ light, and made himself so pleasing, talking with her so kindly and geDtly, and insisting upon arranging the flecy Shetland shawl about her shoulder to suit himself, that poor, foolish Chris half wished that this moonlight walk might last forever, and the morrow of which she had such painful foreboding never come. The next morning Chris did not appear, and Aunt Richards commenced severely, in a general sort of way, about people who would go wandering about moonlight even¬ ings. “If one must expect to be sick," and so forth. Valerie said very little, but that little was so decidedly tinged with acidity no one wanted to hear more. Keith Falconer felt uncomfortably cub prit-like, just as they intended he should; but, contrary to their expectations, he un¬ derstood precisely with whom he had to deal. Beside, he had a certain little scheme in his own mind, which he meant in a quietly determined way peculiar to himself, to carry out. Therefore bis manner was urbanity stself, and he seemed so delight¬ fully easy and indifferent n > one would imagine that he ever took moonlight walks or knew of any one who did. Meantime, while one of the offenders was pouring oil upon the trouble waters below, the other, in a little chamber up three flights. was industriously fashioning pale blue satin'bows for a white muslin dress of Valerie’s. Nothing ha! been said to her about last night’s escapade, and Chris felt almost happy, even though she had been working since daylight, and the memory of the unkind words of the evening before sometimes thrust itself upon her. Valerie had come in early, and ordered dress finished for the lawn party that And for dear life, never won in the least when Valeiie informed her briskly that probably she wouldn’t have time to finish the dress otherwise, and she needn’t come down to breaKfast. Watkins brought it up to her soon ; and toward noon appeared with a mysterious white tissue-paper parcel. “How is this ?” he remarked, trying to tvppear careless and indifferent, and making a sublime failure throwing the parcel into a chair. A beautiful pale pink saslt, which Chris had long coveted at Furlan’s, greeted her delighted vision. “O Jack I dear, Jack, it is for me ?” she hugging him rapturously. "Of course it’s for you; bow’d I look with it on?” receiving her caress with good-na¬ patience. "Now try it on, and see how it looks.” So it was tried on and tied, looped and in every conceivable, shape, admired by Chris, and criticised by Jack, who wound up with,— “I’ll bet two cents you’ll look better’n the whole kit of ’em this afternoon 1” Soon after, betook its departure, and met Valerie on the stairs just going up to Chris’s loom. Whether a good or evil genius took pos¬ session of the boy at this moment ’tis im¬ possible to relate, but lie tiptoed softly back to the door, and, applying his ear to the keyhole, listened diligently. An hour afterward, Keith Falconer, re¬ turning from a gloomy and unsuccessful fishing expedition Guy was busy on some critscal review and couldn’t accompan him—saw the lad seated at the foot, of the long avenue of oaks near the road. A fierce frown disfigured the usually frank, boyish face, aud his lips were compressed in a manner not altogether in keeping with his youth. "Mr. Falconer, I should like to speak with you, he began abruptly. “Very well, my boy, what is it?” Keith asked encouragingly. “It’s about Val - and”—after a moment's pause’ “and Chris.” Keith’s face suddenly glowed with in terest. “1 suppose it seems_sort of mean to you for a fellow to be down on his own sister and 1 hate being a tell-tale too—but when a din tolls such lies as Val told Chris ibis morning, about things you never said ; and twists her about trying to attract a gentle man’s attention, who doesn’t eare a straw for her, and who’s just the same as engaged to somebody else; and orders her not to stir out of her room until after this gentleman has gone; and stamps all ever her new sash which somebody has just given her’’— Here Jack’s lip quivers, and he pauses a few moments. Did your s.ster say all this to Miss Chnstabel ? halconer asks gravely, “Yes, she did.” answered Jack, recklessly, “for I listened: 1 know that’s mean, too, but 1 don’t care. And she made ma be )i e ve Chris was sick with a cold,and couldn’t come down, when all the time she was working ou an old **ne gown of Val’s and now she’s crying,’’ Jack breaks down ajjain. For a few moments Ar. Falconer looks deep ly thoughtful, then takes a sudden res olution, and m ikes a confidant of Jack. The lawn party passes off pleasantly, and Valerie declares it a success. From some distant shrubbery Jack alter nft tely glares at her, smiles on Keith Fal c -, Qf . r , arid then excutes a war dance for b is own private delectation. Of course Miss Valerie knows nothing of thia and Mr Falconer is so amiably polite, and 8eems so sublimely indifferent to the fact of Chris’s absence, that this ambitious C. W. WHITE, Publisher. Number 10. maiden confessed to herself that uijiht in the solitude of her own chamber, that she musi have been a little precipitate in supposing he could care for a chit like Chris. “But after all ’twas just as well to be on tbe safe side ; men do take queer fancies sometimes 1 Of course any such affair is safely nipped in the bud now 1” And this self-satisfied “nipper” crept to bed. where she slept the sleep of the just. The next morning after all the family except Chris and Uncle Richards had as¬ sembled in the breakfast room, FaleonsrFt fly the bomb shell straight into the enemy’s camp. “Jack, will you please be kind enough tc ask Miss Cbristabel to step into the break¬ fast-room a few moments ? I shall bf obliged to return to the city to-day, on the next train if possible, and I should like to speak with her before I go.” In the consternation and surprise elicited by the information that he was to leave so soon, the oddity of his rt quest passed uunoticed. Ail were clamorous for him to remain, but, during Jack’s abscence, he contrived to impress upon them the fact that urgent business, whose nature lie couid more fully explain in a short time, required his immediate presence. The numerous regrets were interrupted by the entrance of Chris, whose pale face, drooping eyes, and weary, listless step, formed a strong contrast to Jack, coming in behind her with an exhuberant appear¬ ance suggestive of walking on air. Mr. Falconer turned to her instantly, leaving Valerie in the midst of a very pretty, pleading request that he remain. “Miss Cbristabel, pardon me if what 1 to say seem abrupt or premature to but indeed, 1 feel that 1 may have al waited too long 1 I believe the strong¬ feeling of my life to be my Jove for you, 1 cannot leaie without asking you to me as my wife. Will you go ?’’ The brown eyes, drooping before, were open enough now, at this strange woo¬ ing, with a pleading, half hewildered look scanning the faces of the little group assem bled in the room. Aunt Richards and Cousin Guy express ed genuine surprise; Jack, beaming with delight, was clapping his hands softly; and Valerie—oneglanceat. her half averted face, and the contemptous, scornful curve of her lip, was sufficient. With a sudden graceful accession of dignity. Chris held out one mite of a hand, "I will go,” she said, quietly. "God bless you, my darling I And Keith Falconer drew the trembling little figure to his own broad breast, and gently the rough curls In his great happiness not, much room was left for unkind thoflghls or harsh words, but he couldn t resist the temptation ol a parting shot. “Your uncle gave his consent this morn tug, and though, in Miss Valerie’s estima lion, this may not prove a better change, God willing, you shall never regret the change.” « Women Doctors. “Why,” said Miss Chapman, ‘ of Pittsburgh, „ don , , t diner , from the sterner members , we of , our profession... , our methods , , of .. practice, j We just prescribe for people and cure them as they do,” with a significant nod toward | a passing procession, following the result o< j some brother’s practice. ‘‘I have been here I over eight years and consider myself sue cessful. The gentlemen of the profession f could not be more courteous to their own j sisters. I am a member of the Anatomical Society of this city as well as of the County , and State Medical Societies. 1 have held elective positions in all of them which is, 1 think, an indication of pretty fair treatment, I fur a woman, at least. J “1 had a bard time getting a start., per¬ haps not harder than the ordinary begin-' ners in this and other professions, but it was i discouraging. College and the dissecting room are the worst features to be encoun tered. The first four nights I was in the I dissecting room I cried. The gentlemen! limghid so much at our timidity. Then 1 j heard one of them remark how becoming | tears were to the profession, and I left them ! off. Ladies are not treated well in many institutions whose charters compel their admission. The faculty take that course ; gentlemen to discourage will their attend attendance, what since they many call j not a : femine institution. i “Any lady with good r.lucaiton . and , j a a mature mind, above feathers and lace, can j succeed in the profession in this city if she j perseveres I prescribe sometimes for gen¬ I tlemen, but my practice is largely among the ladies and children. Half of my prac- I tice is amoug poor people who cannot pay j Many physicians send patients to me whom j they cannot treat from tbe fact that, a ; proper diagnosis of the disease cminot be ; obtained. Woman can understand woman, , and it often does a patient more good to I talk to ber of spring bonnets andwiapsj than if effected bv the medicine.” A mas employed in Brush’s Electric L'ght building, in Cincinnaiti, on Saturday called out from- the top of the stairs on the third floor to bring up a pail of water and put out the fire. Everybody rushed ! j up to see the fire, but no one brought the j water, which would have extinguished it. ! , Before n°i the water could be got the build ing was all in flames, the whole ueighoor j hood threatened, and the city is in the darknesi which the ordinary gas lamps make visible. During the flood, which i drowned out the gas works a few weeks ! since, the electric lights were the only source of street illumination. <© VtOSfr CITY AND COUNTY ORGAN, THE LARGEST CIRCULATION, FINEST ADVERTISING MEDIUM. Advertising Rates. One column, one v.at JK»-* O ne column, (lx month , *» 0* One column, three months._,_____ MM . Bmall advertisement*, 10 cents a line. Special Rates to General Advertisers. ALL SORTS, The provincial press—A cider mill.— New York News. **t . ., Government pastry—a mint spy.—New York Advertiser, Flash times—when the young man pro¬ poses.—Burlington Free Press, The music of the rooster is not composed of crow-bars.—Georgia Major. The mosquito as a public singer draws well, but never gives satisfaction.—Boston Star. Any raw recruit can write about face by preparing an essay on Cheek.—New York News. Eva noticing a flock of chattering black¬ birds, said. —“Mamma I guess the’re having a sewing ’ciety.’’ “You are a great coquette,” said a young man to a Madison avenue young iady. "I plead jilty," was her response.—Harlem Times. The aisle of a church is not the proper place for a sexton with squeaky boots. He should try some other kind of "ile.”—New York Advertiser. “I am going to turn over a new leaf,” as the caterpillar remarked when he had suc¬ cessfully ruined the one he was on.—Balti¬ more Every Saturday, What is the difference between the pass¬ ing of a full dressed lady and an eafran ehised grub? One is a flutter by and the other is a butterfly.—Boston Transcript. The mill owner who turned the fire hose npon some of his disorderly employes explained his conduct by saying he was only washing his hands.—Boston Cotnmar cial Bulletin. Teacher: “Can you tell me which is the olfactory organ?" Pupil frankly answers. “No, sir,” Teacher: "Correct.” Pupil goes off in a brown study.—Boston Tran¬ script, "The jack’s trumped,” said the card play¬ er as the train jolted uncomfortably. “And the track’s jumped,’’said his partner, as they rolled into the ditch.—Pittsburg Telegraph¬ Mi s. Spaggins was boasting of -her new house, The windows, she said, were stained: "That’s too bad; but won’t tnrpentiue or benzine wash it. off?" asked the good Mrs, Oldboy.—Burlington Hawkeye. Mulchey says the statement that John Roach’s ship is the first iron vessel launched in America is a mistake, as Mrs. Mulcahy frequently launches iron vessels at him.— Boston Commercial Bulletin. The profits on the sale of Arthur Sullivan a .. Lost chord” have reached 1200,000. By Saint Cecilia, an’ we had a chance, wo wou ( ( j ] oge a whole woodyard for half the money.—Burlington Hawkeye. The fat Pittsburger who sat down upon and flattened out a lot of tin measures at a grocery store, the other eveuing, has gone to Colorado to accept a position as a quartis crusher.—Pittsburg Telegraph. “Oh, dear," exclaimed Edith to her doll. " l do wish y0U W0 “ ld sU StilL * such an uneasy thing in my life. Why don , t you act like grown people , afid .4 u. be .»-n still ^ fm . awhile .. Bllrlington H.wkeya. Samuel Gunn was recently arraigned in a local court for intoxication. When he shot his breath at the judge the latter re* marked that it was evidently a muzzle-odor but he conldn’t permit a discharge.—Yonk ers Gazette, He stood before her holdihg both her lu>n(lg in hia and he aake(} 80 ftt yi “Why am , Hk(j ft railroa(1 tra j n ?” Because you never get anythillg to eat y- “No, my own, it is becauae ( hold two wrist8.”-Pittsburg Tel ngraph. ‘Was at the club last night; had a bang up dinuer, remarked I om. Ah! said Char¬ Ey, “then I suppose you have a fine head ac ‘ le Ibis morning. A headache generally follows a stuffed club, you know.-Boston irauacript. Jilifkins belongs to that class of mortals never go to the same church two Sun days ruuning. He was met by Fogg last Sunday, who asked him if he didn’t think steeple-chasing was a desertion of the Lord’s day ,—Boston Transcript, “I notice one thing about this hotel,” said one drummer to another as the pair were seated at dinner; “the people here under ^ ^ ^ of bread . maklDg .-- “So they do,” was the response, “but they can’t he’p it, you see; it’s inn-bread.—Yonkers G 1 - zette. To Borrow a Phrase-Jack: ’ Say, c.d man, will you let, me take your hat and .op noat to night; mine are looking a little the worse for wear? Chum: Certainly you can have them; but don t you call that taking your partner s best and going it alone? Harvard Lampoon. ’Mr. Jones, I think I will have to raise hoard,” said One-bundred-and-twenty ninth street boarding-house keeper to a gen tlemau whose appetite seemed to increase every day. “Ah, I thank you very much for your kindness in raising my board. I have been unable to raise it myself for some time.”—Harlem Times. An old head—The bead of navigation. How to know a sail-maker—By the “cut at his jib. A bug that still continues to thrive—Humbug. I he soldier who was at a los 3 lor something to write about, was ordered to right about face. When are certain persons who travel in France like dissipated young men?-When the, are ou Rouen.-Boston Traveller.