Newspaper Page Text
jtNK RAX NEWS.
C ottou factory at Birmingham
ISE ” acres, cost $500,000
0 ver four
1C ^ „,iov 500 operatives. witlield for
number of patents
, of the final fees was 2,056:
F2L of patents all expired was 7,471. $1,
from sources was
£ ^’expenditures $518,255. including Increase printing in
Kipts surplus, $155,020
over 1882,
[Pratt Coal and Coke Company, of
PL 11 have bought ten mining ma
r \ bave them cutting coalra the
® es ‘ about 100 tons per
iaft. The v will cut
of caveats filed was’ 2,
^ip'immber of patents designs, granted, 21,185; the in
Wing reissues and
mbU' „f trade marks registered was
jjje number of labels registered was
; 22,686,
IS;» tal
s8A6 Democrat: There will be a
_
jderable falling off in the cotton
* mffl people can bear it much
?■ but tlm
than they could have done last
lt!er more nearly out of debt
ktr. They are
jjsoare better, enabled to “live at
L ivjusG the past year over received a third in of the a
0 £ dollars was
pi ^ States land office at Gainesville,
l nearly a half a million acres of
ii.. a m There also
ill were disposed of. were
homestead entries, and the num
$ entries was 2,181.
j 0 J cash
, pEAB orchard in Thomas county,
was sold five years ago for $650. It
next sold for $1,800, the $650 hav
■ ecovered from euttings in the
{been r
Bintime. A month afterward $2,800
offered for it, and now it could not
[bought for $25,000. awaiting
He Lumber of applications
kon on the part of the office, July 1,
b, as 4,799, au increase of 28 per
"'
Lt over 1882. The Commissioner
L ^ business of the office is steadily
El [ja appally increasing, but nearly stands two to
half Million dollars now
Lcredit of tbe office in tba Treasury.
Euan- L by the name of Gallium living C.
Low Gap, Surry county, N.
L quarrelling with a neighbor a few
ks ago, threw au ax at him, cutting
[clothing L slightly and remained killing his in own the
instantly. The ax
ffis head for several minutes until
Lgot [child’s through fighting. Mrs. greatly Galliati exci
mother, became
[ jinl it is feared she will die,
Lle [southern the amount of cotton consumed
Lnth mills last year was only one
of the entire consumption in tho
Led [in States, the increased consmnp
the United States was nearly 25
[cent, of that for the whole country
pillowing that tho south’isjprogress
kmuch more rappidly in cotton man
piling than the North.
L Jacksonville, Fla., is to have a pal
factory. The machinery will all
lew, for the most part recent inveut
L and will consist of eight fibre rna
jies, jiior six machines for preparing immense pal- the
mattrasses, etc., an
no crusher, steam dyers and other ma
pery for manufacturing palmetto pulp
I for converting pine straw into
■for the upholsters, for mattrasses,
^H=vrrvsooo ^Wension vTimes: Considerable ap
is expressed by the press of
| |State as well as the prominent stock
te at the prevailance of murrain
the cattle in certain sections.
1 disease has made its appearance in
■■vlocalities, jone and is not confined to
grand division of the State. To
k 8 extent the cattle raisers of the
* frave discarded the old thorough
t* * scrub stock and have expended
plerable their wealth and time in improv
herds. Consequently an epi
r of this dread disease would be of
pitiable in jury to the State in a fiiian
P°mt of view.
Lax Telegraph: The Savannah
1 * iar mers are investigat ing fruit cans
' - st ablishments for the benefit of
E association. The true solution of
H pk question lies in this direction,
•season, experience, if it taught any
■■ taught that truck is of too perish
* satiue to be shipped long distan
® owner’s risk. The demand for
fruits we are told, has never
supplied, and should the sup-
1 ; r t 1j e time exceed the demand,
® 110 danger of [a glutted market
. utive ‘'ton, canned fruit can be held
market,
f a ’trollogiste who selected 1883 as a
‘fear for earthquakes, pestilence and
I®* 8 se em to have made a hit.
■•■- tlie eight months of the year con
p more than 143,000 lives have
! ; st in notable disastrs, in that
■‘Tito account the yellow fever in
r WEEKLY
Sk
VOLUME Vi.
the south. By simply following the big
news of the press dispatches the follow¬
ing table of people killed is made up:
Loss of the Cimbria 434
Milwaukee Hotel lire 80
Poland circus tire 268
Australia mine flooded 72
Tehiehipa(Cal.) Flat-boat railroad accident 21
disaster N. C. J8
Loss of City of Brussels 10
Mine explosion, Ill. 10
New York scool panic 16
Braidwood mine disaster — -j
February Drowned floods 56
at Drowns ville Minn 11
April tornadoes 200
Fall of a Texas hotel 14
Brooklyn bridge panic 14
May Sundernand tornadoes
June floodi (Eng) school panic I -
59
Baltimore pier disaster 72
Carlon (N, Y. (railroad Occident 17
July London (Out) floods 17
Hungary fire 0
Ischia earthquake 4,500
English fishing fleets CC
German floods t-H
Mt Ararat avalanche 150
Powder explosions in Europe 230
Two mine explosions in Europe 162
Rochester Bombay factory panic,etc. 104
(Minn) tornado 16
Lake Chiem pa ace accident 23
Cornwall mine accident 12
Collision off Edystone lighthouse 18
Great Banks fishermen lost 60
J ava earthquake 100,000
India cholera 15,000
Egyptian Cholera 21,000
Italian steamer Ansonia 2H
Steamer Kenmora Castle 32
Steamer Gypsy Navarre 18
Steamer 46
Ship Dunshoffrage 25
Rome explosion 21
ingBurnL Steamer Grapp’.er theater 70
ike Como 47
amerSte Daphne on Clyde 150
AN ENGAGED SEAT.
The Traveling Ilojf Properly Reh iked.
It was a day when everybody was tired
and anxious to sit down that a large
man, carrying a gripsack, boarded an
Eastern railroad train, and after walk¬
ing through several crowded cars, finally
found the one vacant seat. Seating
himself, he placed his bag on the
cushion at his side. Just as the train
was about to start another man entered
and made the same journey in search of
a seat. As he stopped inquiring before
the large man the latter said:
•‘This seat is engaged, sir ; a man just
stepped out, but will return in a mo¬
ment; he left his baggage here as a claim
to the seat. ”
“Well,” said the second traveler,
frankly. “I’m pretty down tired, and if you
don’t object I’ll sit here and hold
his bag for him till he returns.”
And without further ceremony this he
proceeded to do. Then the large man,
who was bound for Lynn, earnestly
prayed within the inmost chambers of his
little heart that his companion might
get off at Somerville, or Everett or Chel¬
sea—anywhere but Lynn or a station
beyond. And the tired man thanked
his stars for even a moment’s rest, ex¬
pecting every second to be ousted by
the owner of the gripsack. the sta¬
The train moved out from
tion. In vain did the large man try to
read the stranger's ticket to see what his
destination was. Somerville was reached,
but the stranger sat quietly in his place,
and the large man grew nervous. The
train stopped at Everett, and still the
stranger gazed peacefully ahead, never
budging, and the large man began the to
perspire. Then came Chelsea, but
straneer still held fast to the bag and
never offered to stir. The agony of the
large man was simply frightful, but he
saw he could' do nothing but grin and
bear it, and get out of the fix as best he
’ the stranger had by this
could. But and
time fully grasped the situation,
though thankful for the seat, de¬
termined to punish the unaccommodat¬
ing pig for his selfish deception. So,
when Lynn was reached, the large man
put forth his hand for the bag, but the
stranger drew back the same with an
expression of surprise, saying, “I beg
your pardon, sir, but this is not your
baggage.” isn’t stammered the
“But it yours,
owner, blushing. but I to it
“To be sure ; purpose see
returned to the proper person. Here,
conductor, here’s a man who wants to
run off with this baggage that doesn’t
belong to him. Somebody put it in the
seat to secure a place, and evidently got
left at Boston, for he hasn’t claimed it,
and now this man wants to run away
with it,” and he gave the conductor a
wink, and as that official knew the
stranger personally, he understood the
wink, and promptly replied :
“The only thing to do is to return the
bag to Boston, and store it among the
unclaimed expostulated baggage.” the large
“But,” man.
“Hold on there,” said the conductor,
showing a police badge, “none of this.
What kind of a man was it who left the
bag?” And then the stranger and the con¬
ductor and one or two sympathizing the pas¬
sengers combined to confuse large
man, and he, hating to confess to Ins
piggishness, and knowing not what to
do, precipitately fled amid the frowns
and sighs of the observers at his wicked¬
ness. But the stranger, with a happy
contented smile, had the bag returned to
Boston, where the large man had to
come next day, and identify it. I he
moral of this true tale is obvious.— Bos
ton Globe.
The pope is troubled with insomnia
and cannot sleep enough to make it
worth his while to go to bed. He ought
to join the night police and he could
sleep all the time.
CONYERS, GA.. SEPTEMBER 28, 1883.
SUNDA Y EVE AT SEA.
Sitting alone at the Sunset hour,
With my good ship moored in a foreign
bay,
Comes a hallowed thought with memories
fraught,
Of the loved ones far away.
Faces familiar upon me smile,
While my heart with the sweet remembrance
swells,
And I seem to hear the music clear
Of jubilant marriage bells.
Of marriage bells on a Sabbath day,
In a beautiful village by the sea,
When the world was bright, all filled witb
delight,
For my own Annie and me.
A score of years have passed since then,
And I’ve anchored my ship in many a bay,
But my loved ones, dear, ever seem more
near
The farther I sail away.
Moments there are when I may forget
To think of one spot o’er the sea afar,
Of the joy and light of a home made bright
By love, where my treasures are;
But whenever the Sunday evening comes,
An! the waves are fierce and the night is
drear,
Like angels of love, as if sent from above,
My loved ones seem hovering near.
I behold them, then, my treasures dear,
As at this moment they come to me;
For sail where I will their images still
My companions are at sea.
Caleb Dunn.
The Irish Seer.
Squire Ormbsy’s pantry was broken
into and robbed of a large amount of
valuable plates. Mr. Ormsby distrusted
the police and publicity in these cases,
and his wife prevailed on him to send for
Patrick 0’Rafferty, the village seer.
That worthy came, and heard the
story. He looked at the lady and gen¬
tleman, and his self-deception began to
ooze out of him. To humbug his hum¬
ble neighbors was not difficult nor dan¬
gerous, but to deceive and undeceive
and disappoint bis landlord was quile
another matter.
He put on humility, and said this was
a matter beyond him entirely. Then the
Squire was augry, and said bitterly,
“No doubt he would rather oblige his
neighbors, or a shopkeeper who was a
stranger to him, than the man whose
land had fed him and his for fifty years. ”
He was proceeding in the same strain
when poor Pat, with that dismal whine
the merry soul was subject to occasion¬
ally, implored him not to murder him
entirely with hard words; he would do
his best.
“No man can do more,” said Mr.
Ormsby. ‘ ‘Now, how will you proceed ?
Can we render you any assistance?”
Patrick said, humbly, and in a down¬
cast way, he would like to see the place
where the thieves got in.
He was taken to the pantry window,
and examined it inside and out, and all
the servants peeped at him.
“What next ?” asked the Squire.
Then Patrick inwardly resolved to get
a good dinner out of this business, how¬
ever humilating “ye’ll the have end might be.
“Sorr,” said he, to give me a
room all to myself, and a rump-steak and
onions; and after that your servants
must, bring me three ale. pipes and three
pints of home-brewed Brewers’ alt
hasn’t the same spiritual effect on a
seer’s mind.”
When the first pipe and pint were to
so to him a discussion took place between
the magnates of the kitchen who should
take it up. At last the butler and the
housekeeper insisted on the footman tak¬
ing it. Accordingly he did so.
Meantime Patrick sat in state digesting
the goqd food. He began to feel a physi¬
cal complacency, and to defy the future;
he only regretted that he had confined
his demand to one dinner and three pots.
To him in this frame of mind entered the
footman with pipe and pint of ale as
clear as Maderia.
Says Patrick, looking at the pipe,
“That’s the first of ’em.”
The footman put the things down
father hurriedly and vanished.
“Humph,” said Pat to himself, “you
don’t seem to care for my company.” mind
He sipped and smoked, and his
worked.
The footman went to the butler witb
a scared face, and said, “I won’t go neai
him again; he said I was one.”
“Nonsense!” said the butler: “Ill
take up the next.”
He did so. Patrick gazed m his face,
took the pipe, and said, sotto voce.
“This is the secondthen, very re¬
gretfully, “Only one more to come.”
The butler went away much discom¬
posed, and told the housekeeper.
“I can’t believe it,” said she. “Any¬
way, I’ll know the worst.”
So in due course she took up the third
pipe and pint, and wore propitiatory
smiles.
“This is the last of ’em,” said Patrick,
solemnly, and looked at the glass.
The housekeeper went down all in a
flutter. “We are found out, we are
rained,” said she. “There is nothing to
be done now but— Yes there is ; we
must buy him, or put the comether on
him before he sees the master.”
Patrick was half dozing over his last
ippe when he heard a rustle and a com
motion, and lo 1 three culprits on their
knees to him. With that instinctive sa¬
gacity which was his one real gift—so he
underrated it -he said, with a twinkling
eye: “Och, thin, you’ve to make
come a
clane brist of it, the three Chrisehin var
tues and haythen graces that ye are. Ye
may save yourselves the trouble. Sure
I know all about it. ”
“We Bee you do. Y’are wiser than
Solomon,” said the housekeeper. “But
sure ye wouldn’t abuse your wisdom to
ruin three poor bodies like us ?”
“Poor !” cried Patrick. “Is it poor ye
call yourselves ? Ye ate and drink like
fighting cocks; y’are clothed in silk and
plush and broadcloth, and your wages
is all pocket money and pin-money. Yet
ye must rob the man that feeds and
clothes ye.”
“It is true! it is true!” cried the
butler.
“He spakes like a priest,” said the
woman. “Oh, alanna ! don’t be hard on
us; it is all the devil’s doings; he timpted
us. Oh ! oh ! oh !”
“Whisht, now, and spake sinse,” said
Patrick, roughly. “Is it melted ?”
“It is not.”
“Can you lay your hands on it?”
“We can, every stiver of it. We in
tinded to put it back.”
“That’s a lie,” said Patrick, firmly,
but not in the least reproachfully, “Now
look at me, the whole clan of ye, male
and faymale. Which would you rather
do—help me find the gimcracks, every
article of ’em, or be lagged and scragged
and stretched on a gibbet and such like
iligant divaisions?”
They snatched eagerly at the plank of
safety held out to them, and from that
minute acted under Mr. O’Rafferty’s
orders.
“Fetch me another pint,” was his first
behest.
“Ay, a dozen, if ye’ll do us the honor
to drink it.”
“To the divil widyour blarney ! Now
tell the master I’m at his sarviee.”
“Oh, murder! what will become of us ?
Would you tell him, after all ?”
“Ye omadhauns, can’t ye listen at the
dure and hear what I tell him ?”
With this understanding all expectation. Squire Orms
by was ushered in,
“Yer honor,” said Patrick, “I think
the power is laving me. I am only able
to see the half of it. Now, if you plaze,
would you like to catch the thieves and
lose the silver, or to find the silver and
not find the thieves?”
“Then “Why, the silver, to be sure.”
you and my lady must go to
mass to-morrow back will morning, look and when you
come we for the silver,
and maybe, if we find it, your honor will
give me that little bit of a lease I’ve been
wanting so long.”
“One thing at a time, Pat; you haven’t
found the silver yet.”
At nine o’clock next morning Mr. and
Mrs. Ormsby returned from mass, and
found O'Rafferty waiting for them at
their door. He had a long walking-stick
with a shining knob, and informed them,
very solemnly, that the priest had sprin
kled it for him with holy water.
Thus armed he commenced the search.
* . e | >encrat 8 I ? t < ! 1 “ to STT , 0 pt-houses, nf »nd JW* ap
'
3 non nn P
N ° luck '
Then he proceeded to the stable-yard,
and searched every corner; then into
the shrubbery; then into the tool-house.
No luck. Then on to the lawn. By
this time there where about thirty at his
k< >el8 '
Disgusted at this fruitless search, Pat
rick apostrophized his stick;
Bad cess to you, yore only good
to burn Ye knpe turning away from
every place; but ye don t turn to any
anything whatever, ktop a bit. Oh,
holy Moses . what is this .
As he spoke, the stick seemed to rise #
and point like a gun. 1 atnek marched
in the djrection indicated, and after a
while seemed to be forced by the stick
into a run. He began to shout excited
ly, and they all ran after him. He ran
full tilt against a dismounted water bar
rel, and the end of the stick struck it
with such impetus that it knocked tlie
barrel over, then flew out of Patrick’s
hand to the right, who himself made a
spring the other way, and stood glaring
with all the rest at the glittering objects
that strewed the lawn, neither more nor
less than the missing plate.
Shouts and screams of delight. Every
body shaking hands with Patrick, who,
being a consummate actor, seemed daz
zled and mystified, as one who had sue
eeeded far bevond his expectations.
To make a long story short, they all
settled in their minds that the thieves
had been alarmed, and hidden the plate
for a time, intending to return and fetch
it away.
M, Ormsby took the seer into his
s udy and gave him a piece of paper
stating that for a great service rendered
to him by Mr. Patrick O’Rafferty he
had, in the name of him and his, prom
ised him undisturbed possession of the
farm „ , long v he his should farm
so as or
it themselves, and pay the present rent.
Pat’s modesty vanished at the Squire’e
gate; he bragged uo and down the vil
lage, and henceforth nobody disputed
his seership in those parts.
A neighbor’s sold estate, mortgaged up tc
the eyes, was under the hammer,
and Sir Henry Steele bought it. and laid
some of it down in grass. He was a
breeder of stock. He marked out a
park wall, and did not include a certain
little orchard and a triangular plot.
Patrick O’ Rafferty observed, and ap¬
plied for them. Sir Henry, who did
his own business, received the appli¬
cation, noted it down, and asked him
for a good reference. He gave Squire
Ormsby.
“I will make inquiries,” said Sir
Henry. “Good Ormsby morning.” and
He knew in London,
when he became his neighbor the Irish
gentleman was all hospitality. One day
Sir Henry told him of O’Rafferty’s ap¬
plication, and asked about him.
“Oh,” said Ormsby, “that is our
seer. ”
“Your what?”
“Our wise man, our diviner of se
crets; and some wonderful things he has
don e .”
He then related the loss of his plate,
and its supernatural recovery.
NUMBER 27.
Then Sir Henry said that he would
put these pretensions to the test,
At his request Patrick was informed
that next Thursday, at one o’clock, if ho
chose to submit to a fair test of his
divining powers, the parcel of land he
had asked for should be let him on easy
terms.
Patrick assented jauntily. But in his
secret soul he felt uneasy.
However, he came up to the scratch
like a man. After all, he had nothing
to lose this time, and he vowed to sub
mit to no test that was not preceded by
a good dinner. He was ushered into
Sir Henry Steele's study, and tliere he
found that gentleman and Mr. Ormsby.
One comfort, there was a cloth laid, and
certain silver dishes on the hobs and in
the fender.
“Well, Mr. O’Rafferty,” said his host,
“I believe you like a good dinner?”
“Thrue for you, sorr,” said Pat.
“Well, then, we can combine business
with pleasure; you shall have a good
dinner.”
“Long life to your honor !”
“I cooked it for you myself.”
‘ ‘God bless your honor for your con
descinsion.”
“You are to eat the dinner first, and
then just tell me what the meat is, and
the parcel of land is yours on easy
terms. ”
Patrick’s confidence rose. “Sure,
thin, it is a fair bargain,” said he.
The dishes were uncovered. There
were vegetables cooked most deliciously;
the meat Wfts a chef-d’oeuvre; a sort of
rich ragout done to a turn, and so fra
K™ 11 * that the very odor made the mouth
water.
Patrick seated himself, and helped
himself, and took a mouthful; that
mouthful had a double effect. He real
* ze< l 0116 and the same moment that
this was a more heavenly compound than
he had ever expected to tasteupon earth,
and that he could not and never should
divine what bird or beast he was eating,
He looked for the bones; there were
none. He yielded himself to desperate
enjoyment. he When he had nearly cleaned
the plate said that even the best
cooked meat was none the worse for a
quart of good ale to wash it down,
Sir Henry Steele rang a bell and or
dered a quart of ale.
Patrick enjoyed this too, and did not
hurry; he felt it was his last dinner in
that house, as well as his first.
The gentlemen watched him and gave
him time. But at last Ormsby said,
‘'Well, Patrick—.”
Now Patrick, whilst he sipped, had
been asking himself what line he had
better take; and he had come to a con
elusion creditable to that sagacity and
knowledge of hnman nature he reaJ]
p OSSegged and tulderra ted accordingly.
He would compliment the gentlemen on
their 8U P erior "' isdom - and own he could
not throw dust in such eyes as theirs;
then he would l)eg them not to make his
humble neighbors as wise as they were;
but i e thim still pass for a wise man in
the parish, whilst they laughed in their
superior sleeves. To carry out this he
impregnated his brazen features with a
wor j d 0 f comic humility,
“And,” said he, in cajoling accents,
.i a jj your honors, the old fox made
m a tnrn but the dogH were too
mftny for him atlaat ...
What more of self-depreciation and ca
jolery he would have added is not known.
for sir H enry Steele broke in loudly!
“Good heavens ! Well, he is an extra
ordinary man. It was an old ,, dog-fox , I
cooked for torn
delighted , at J the i eU success yOU? of his 0rm country- * by '
maD '
“Well, sir,” said Sir Henry, whose
emotions seldom lasted long, “a bargain’s
a bargain. I let you the orchard and
held for-let me see—you must bring me
a stoat, a weasel, and a polecat every
year. I mean to get up the game.”
Mr. O'Rafferty cunningly, first stared then stupidfv, blandly
then winked
absorbed laudation ■ and land; then
retired invoking solemn blessings;
then, being outside,, executed a fan
dango, and went home on could wings; from
that hour the village not hold
him. His speech was of accumulating
farms on peppercorn rents, till a slice of
of the country should be his. To hear
him, he could see through a deal board.
M wben ’ eonfidi Blake? in his 8 W, he
ied Nor ah a beautiful girl,
,, ut a m ost notorious vixen,
Tbe ? t ,, ,c ™ J , ucky . , forgave , him . a
ones
great * deal; for sure wouldn t Norah re
f them? Alas ! the traitress fell in
, ov< with her hnsband after marriage,
and ] et him mold her into a sort of
" an ‘ <jelic duck.
This was the climax. So Paddy Luck
j* uow numbered among the lasting in
st itutions of old Ireland (if any),
May he live till the skirts of his coat
| <1!0 ck his brains ont, and him dancing
m j r i s L fling to “the wind that shakes
the barley V’—Harper’s Magazine.
Smoky. —In Mexico nearly everyone
is a smoker. Tlie school children who
have done well in their studies are re¬
warded by being allowed to smoke a
cigar as they stand or sit at their lessons.
The schoolmaster is seldom without a
cigar in his mouth. In the law courts
all persons commonly enjoy their to¬
bacco freely, and even the accused in a
criminal trial is not denied this indul¬
gence, but is allowed, if his cigarette goes
out in the heat of the argument, to light
it again by borrowing that of the officer
who stands at his side to guard him.
" J have no wealth,” she said; “I can
6^ e onl y my hand and heart.”
A.nd then he thought that if her heart
was »« big as her hand she was indeed
wealthy.
WIT AND WISDOM.
Abstaining from food, it is said, wi??
cure rheumatism. If you have rheum**
Hem go live in a boarding house.
Thebe is so much sand in the straw-
1 terries that are brought to market now
that they seem quite fit for the desert.
Logic is logic, and it does not follow
that- Noah brewed beer in the ark be¬
cause the kangaroo went on board with
hops.
“Yes,” said the gilded youth, “I hate
to make the sacrifice, but I will. My
tailor must wait for his money and she
gets the bouquets.”
The City of Houston, Tex.. offered to
pay Ingersoll more to lecture one night
on infidelity than it pays a single one of
its ministers for a year’s work.
Speaking of the avocation of the heav¬
enly bodies, there is no doubt but
‘bat the sun is a tanner. —Oil City Der¬
rick.
“Why are these flats called French
flats ?” “ To distinguish tlum from
American flats.” “What are American
flats ?” “The people that live in French
flats.”
The “gentle reader” is supposed to be
one that doesn’t get on his ear and,swear
whenever the newspaper man is lucky
enough to get a full-page advertisment.
— Wheeling Leader.
“Remember who you are talking to*
sir,” said a father to his fractions boy.
“I am your father.” “Well, who’s tc
blame for that, ?” asked young imperti¬
nence ; “It ain't me.”
The meanest man we have heard of
'his season is the fellow who telegraphed just
his sympathy to a friend who had
lost everything in speculation, and made
him pay for the message.
Commercial traveler—“My narno is
Muller. I am agent for Schnltze, in
Berlin.” Merchant—“Schnltze, in Ber¬
lin ? Iu that case I must beg you to
shut the door from the outside.'”
It is a very small village indeed that
doesn’t contain a billiard champion bil¬ of'
the United States. There are more
liard champions in this country to-day long
than there are billiard tables by a
chalk.
A negbo baby was born in Georgia
recently which weighed only a pound
and a quarter, and a “literary feller."
hearing of the circumstance, remarked
that it was funny how anything so dark
could he so light.
The other day a Paris lady abruptly
entered her kitchen, and she saw the
cook skimming the soup with a silver
spoon. She said to her, “Francoise, I
expressly forbade you to use silver in
the kitchen.” “But, madam, the spoon
was dirty.”
Oub contemporaries are now making
the time-honored saying: “What is m>
rare as a day in June.” There is some¬
thing far more rare, and that is an ad¬
vertiser who does not want his notice a,t
the top of the column and next to the
reading matter.
“The last link is broken,” the fellow
said when he kissed his girl good-by for¬
ever at her request, because her parentis
wished a dissolution. A few days later,
he received a note saying “Dear George:
There are plenty more links ; come and
break them ”
Editob to city merchant: “Colonel,
I’d like very much for yon to advertise
with me. Suppose you put in a small
card for six months ? Shan’t cost you
much.” “I don’t believe it would help
me.” “That’s not the question. I want
it to help me. ”
A soandal, or quarrel, or murder, is
often explained by the statement that
“there is a woman at the bottom of it"—
as the man said when liis wife fell into
the well. There is generally a the woman
at the bottom of everything; lint Cap¬
itol at Washington is a notable excep¬
tion. There is a woman at the top of
that .—Norristown Herald.
The Melon Losses.
No watermelon suicides thus far,
says a New York letter, though the
price is low. In fact this is a year of
melon misfortune. Its great lesson has
been, beware of sudden success. Ex¬
perienced hop growers have said that
the extraordinary price obtained last
year was a damago to the business. It
will lead to such extended planting that
a glut may be expected. This is tho
cause of the present melon misery.
Last year the priet s reached an extra¬
ordinary mark, and the result was that
the South became melon crazy. Last
year the price was $20 a hnndrc d, which
yielded an immense profit. The freight
is $10 a hundred, but this was so easily
paid that growers lost sight of it. This
year, however, melons will not bring
enough to meet this debit, and commis¬
sion dealers have declined receiving
them unless freight prepaid. One ship¬
ment of 20,000 was refused by the con¬
signee, and on top of this came fifty car
loads, which had first been sent to Cin¬
cinnati, and finding no market there
sent to New York city. Being refused by
the commission merchants, they hardly were
sold by the railroad agents, who
got enough to pay freight. The market
was thoroughly glutted make by this forced'
sale, and then to matters worse
the very next day 63,fb 0 melons arrived week,
by steamer, making 230,000 in one
and it became almost hard work to give
them away. The health inspector, how¬
ever, interfered and ordered an immense
quantity destroyed to prevent disease.
The melon mania is uow over and the
mud will lie devoted to other crops.
Melons will probably be dear next sea¬
son. since one extreme generally follows
another. The money made last year
has been lost by the glut, and exper¬
ience thus proves that an average profit
even of moderate amount is better than
extraordinary prices and sudden wealth.
The waste of melons which occurred*'
(hiring the past month has probably
never been equaled in the memory of
man.
A wild storm of applause followed,
during which some one hit Shindig Wat¬
kins a blow on the neck which rendered
him unconscious for seven minutes.
The orator was then escorted to the
ante-room and placed before a water¬
melon and a pitcher of lemonade, and tbe
meeting resumed the regular routine.
