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THE BAD BOY AND HIS PA.
-
TIl P BOV tkikb TO play prodigal
won.
Iaxead •! • Felled ( alt He l.et* Kicked
Milk Jwoaded CaJf-xkia.
“Hello, "".r.irrr got back aga:n, have y/a. -
ba id the grocery man to the ba<l boj,ae
he came in the store looking tired,
his d thes boiled, and a genend appear
pected you had run away for good and
that you might not come back. Where
yon been T*
“Chicago,” said the boy, as he took
out a toad slabber knife and proceeded
to take the ulster off a smoked herring.
“Been plaving Prodigal Son in two act*.
But time* Lave changed since that young
fellow in the Bible went off on a tear
and came back and the old folk* killed a
young cow for him to eat, and fell on
hi* shirt collar and cried down the back
of his neck. They don’t receive prodi¬
gal sons that way in our ward. They
fill a prodigal son’* coat tail* fuii of boots
and he can t find cold veal enough in the
house to make a sandwich.”
“I thought your folk* were pious and
would be inclined to overlook anything.”
said the grocery man, as he charged the
herring and crackers to the bad boy’s
father. “You don’t mean to tell me they
went back on the teachings of the good
book, and wanned your jacket?”
“You have guessed it the first time?”
said the Mv. “This prodigal son busi¬
ness is all right in theory, but in prac¬
tice it’s a dead failure. You see, at Sun¬
day school the lesson was about the
prodigal son, and the minister told us all
about how the boy took all the money
he could scrape up and went away to a
distant country and painted the towns
red, and spent his money like a country
man at a circus, and how lie took in all
toe sights, and got broke, and got hun¬
gry and took a job at the stock yards
feeding pigs, and he was so hungry he
used to help the pig eat their rations,
and finally he thought of his home,
where they had pie and he went home
expecting to Vx: fired out, but his pa was
tickled to see him, and set up a free
lunch of calf on the half shell, and
hugged the boy and made him feel
bully. When we got home pa and ma
talked about the lesson, and pa said it
was one of the most touching things he
ever heard, and told me to think of it
and it would do me good. Well, the
more I thought of it the more I felt like
trying the prodigal business on, and I
told my chum about it, and he said he
hadn't had any vacation and be would
go off prod) gal ing with me if 1 would go,
and we could see the country, and bave
a good time and come back and lie re¬
ceived witb open arms. Well, we got
all our money together and a brakeman
on a freight train that goes to our church,
cause hi» wife sings in the choir, he hid
us in the caboose, and we went to Chi¬
cago. Ob, my! but we had a good
time. I never saw money wither the
way it did with us. We eat about twenty
times a day, the first two days, and then
oar apjietites left us, because we didn't
have any more money. The first two
nights we slept in a two shilling lodging
'Louse, the third night we walked around
and the fourth night we slept in the po¬
lice station. When our money was
gone half the fun was gone. If a fellow
can walk around with money in his
pocket, he feels good, even if when he don’t
want to buy anything, but the
money is gone, he feels bad, and wants
to buy lots of things. We waited two
days for our lirakeman, and when wo
got on his train he put us in a cattle car,
and it was vile. I traded my collar
button for a postal card, and wrote to pa
'pearahbe $iat the prodigal & woih-J and tor him ftp.
at p. m., to pre¬
pare to fall on my ueok, and to send
down to the meat market for a hind
quarter of fatted call, and have plenty
of gravy. You wouldn’t believe it, but
there was no carriage at the depot, and
we had to walk home. I could bave
overlooked that, if there had lieen any¬
thing to eat .when I got to the house,
Ixit there wasn’t enough for a canary
bird. Pa was there, however, and I was
just going to hold ont my neck for pa to
get on to weep, when lie grabbed it
with his hand and came near twisting it
off, and then he turned me around and
began to piny the bass drum on my
clothe* with his feet. I never was so
annoyed in all my life, honestly. It was
not the treatment I had a right to ex¬
pect, after they had told me about the
prodigal son of ancient times. As quick
as I could catch my breath I aBked pa
what he thought the prodigal son of the
Bible times would have thought if his
pa hail mauled him when lie came home,
aud wbat kind of a story it would have
made, if it had told about the old man
taking him by the neck and kicking him
all over the room instead of falling on
his neck aud weeping, and giving him a
veal pot pie. Pa said he wasn’t running
any old back nundier prodigal sons, and
he thought his way was the best, and
He sent we to boil without any supper.
1 M-riles the prodigal Imsiness Hank, with
No more fatted calf for
ise,” and the lsiy got lip and
herring peelings off his lap.
how did your chum come
d the grocery man, with much
* hasn't come out yet. He is
ip,” said the him, boy. “Hisnia
lice onto and when he
they run him into the police
n tramp. I think we have
uinslratod that this climate
agree with the prodigal busi
. however much they may try
as the beauties of such stories,
not expect us to try and imitate
When I go to Chicago after this
go in a parlor car, with lriuch
to last me, and a return ticket.
nnderstand it at all. Now I did
, half the mean things in Chicago
he Prodigal son of old did in the
.IT country, and yet he got taffy
i he got home, anc t I got my spine
*. It may be all right, hilt they do
,s different in the old country, von
If 1 understand the kind of a Prodi
j son you are,” said the grocery man.
as he sprinkled the floor from » wash
basin, preparatory to the semi-annual
trj^S
treatment. That is, mind you, I don't
suggest anything for you to play on him,
but from what I know of you, the ac¬
count is evened up before now. Am I
right?” Well, I should remark. Any
“ person
who thinks I cannot re&ent such an in
dinner to-day, and pais always in his
e jement when we have company. He
pr j de- himself on his carving. We had
a roag 4 0 f l^eef. and before it went on
u» m I ewA a* Md .b., p. .-b^
ens the carving knife on, and made two
holes right through the roast, and then
I took a rawhide whip that pa basted me
with once, cut it in tvro, and run pieces
of the rawhide in the holes of the beef.
Pa began carving with a smile, and
asked the minister if he would bave his
beef rare, or an outside piece. He was
bearing gently on the carving knife,
when the knife struck the rawhide and
it wouldn't go any further. Pa smiled
and said he guessed he had struck a
barbed wire fence, and he turned the
roast around and cut again, and he struck
the rawhide. The minister drummed
with his fork and spoke to ma and said
' we had a splendid meeting Wednesday
night,' and ma said it was perfectly
gorgeous, and pa began to perspire and
turn red in the face, and he said some
words that would sound better in a
brewery, and he tried to gouge off some
meat, but it wouldn’t come, and the
minister said, ‘ Brother, you seem to be
having a monkey and a made parrot time with
that roast,’ and that pa mad and
he said he could carve his own meat
without any sky pilot’s interference, and
ma said, ‘ Why, pa, you should not be
impudent,’ and pa sold said he could whip
the butcher that him that piece of
work ox, and he sent the beef out to
the kitchen and the company ate cold
liver. The girl set the meat in the ice
chest, and pretty soon I went down cel¬
lar, ’cause I didn’t like cold liver, and
pulled out the rawhide, and I had all
the fatted calf I wanted, and I gave the
rest to that lame dog you see me have
here a spell ago. Oh, a boy can get
enough to eat if he has got any origi¬
nality about him. 1 think if pa would
show a Christian spirit, and wear slip¬
pers when he kicks me, I would do any.
thing to make it pleasant hunting for him, but
when a man wears ont boots on
his own dear little prodigal, I think the
prodigal is apt to get hard. Don’t
you ?”
The grocery man admitted that per¬
haps the boy was right, and he raised
such a dust sweeping out that the boy
coughed, took a few peaches off the top
of a basket, and went out whistling,
“ Home again, from a foreign shore.”
A Novelist's Terrible Death.
Mrs. Julia P. Smith, the anthoress.xjf
Hartford, Conn., who was killed at her
summer residence in New Hartford late
It, was driving about the grounds uur
rounding her beautiful homepreparatory
to taking her husband to Hartford us
whs her custom every morning. The
SSSSSS which the carriage struck
trees ’ one of yio£e
with Rieat The wL, vdiicle was
Smith throan
violently to the SSy immnd A lxmlder
happened nappenea to to lie ue uirecuy in nu the me way wuy.
sr^torriblv'larwra^^thafthedox^or summon^ WMum&IetoTwakof who
was tlT ^verity emnSsis of the Snries with suffi!
cicnt mutilatld Mrs HmiUi’s features ^m
wero to.mblv The by^hear
was made aware of the accidxmt
mI 1 itoce lip immediately h?r« ran to
Mrs. MmmPs’ Hmith s aasistance, tmt rmi ne was oi 0
uo service. Her husband was also a.
the spot immediately afterward, Hewas
nearly prostrated with grief. Mrs. Hmith
died immediately after Uie accident. She
was about oO y. ears “ d > 1a “ d
markably intelligent { woman with an m
tense love for literature. Among tho
most popular of her vork* Widow
d T,!Vu Married
m ^ tbo I' .n/ “ The
li.i -„ ft "l Onfdimitfi’s Farm W ”
At the time 4 ..n. The Widow Goldsmith s
Daughter was published demand. it wa« very The
popular and was in great
characters in thos work were
daughters. Hartford peo^.Jdm.ii^th I hose who Burnve hedfcmr her ar
Faunie, Charlotta and -j; el lie, tho latter
being the wife of W. W. Llhsworth, of
New York. Mrs. Smith lived in Hart-
25 years. She resided at Chestnut and
Edward streets. Her daughters, under
her guidance, were the organizers of he
Baturday Club, comjrosoil of young ladies
^ "
culture.
The Boiut; Outlook.
“How is it that you are not at the sea¬
shore this summer, Mrs. Fussanfeather?”
said Mrs. Yeast to that lady, whom she
met in the market tho other morning.
“Oh, nay husband says he can’t afford
it,” replied the lady addressed, taking a
peach from the basket and biting into
it just to see if it was ripe.
‘ ‘But you were at Long Branch last
summer,” continued Mrs. Yeast, laying
down the money for the purchase she
had just made.
IJinueii, “Yes, we spent last summer at Long
but business was better mat
year than it has been this,” said Mrs.
F., Irving another peach.
“Why, my husband says business is
a great deal better this year than it was
last year,” remarked Mrs. Yeast, a little
surprised.
“Well, it may lx: better in some
branches of trade,” said Mrs. Fussan¬
feather, making a cavity into her third
sample peach; “but I know last year my
husband failed and only had to pay ton
cents on the dollar. This year he has
been obliged to pay cash for everything,
and of course he has had no opportunity
to fail. Warm to-day, isn’t it.”— Yonkers
SUtfcaman.
Whenever you commend, add yoni
reasons for doing so; it is this which dis
languishes the approbation flattery of of sycophant a man ot
sense from the
and admiratfl 11 of fools.
A LEGEND OP THE CATSKILLS.
SalUUry Hoo*e on 014 landmark aad ■
Struct Her lose YVbo Lired There.
Lucv C. Little, in Harpers for Sep
tern her, says Of ali the old landmarks
the Salisbury house is, I think, most in
teresting. We drove to it one sunshiny
day when the moutains were like great
purpling monuments ahead of us, the
greener country looking strangely fresh
and young for that old country; and as
we went past cornfields and buckwheat
meadows we talked of the Indian and
I>u1ch traditions of the land almost as
though we had all of us the associations
with them to which one of our party
could lav Salisbury hereditary claim, and the storv
of the house was told as I
faithfully rive it here.
Francis Salisbury built it on his
share of the land purchased from Mahak
Vf*minaw in 1705 wb&n it munt bav<
occupancy’there been a verv stately dwelling After his
ScTudesaromLn^ lived in it a H^tho™ man whose
which
would Lave illumined with his weirdest
fancies. He was a person of strange and
arbitrary temper, and so ill-used a slave
or bound a girl in his service that
%ZS£2££\ 2Z
SS
of her, discovering the girl at nightfall
He tied her to the tail of his horse, and
started furiously back to Catskill. As
might be expected, the horse dashed
the unfortunate girl to pieces on the
rocks; and slight as was the law of the
land, it found means to arrest the mur
derer and put him on public trial. His
family united when political power with great
wealth, and the man was brought
to trial, and justly condemned to death,
they obtained a respite of the sentence.
Btory, But herein The h^ decree the curious of tne part magistrates of the
was that he should lx* publicly hung in
hxs ninety-ninth year, and meanwhile
be was condemned to wear about his
neck a halter, that all might know him
to be a murderer doomed to death.
From this time forth the criminal
rar h l m lSol g from°his
skill, iscdating hiim%dff bimself ro h full, f .-11 w m
but doggeddy _ 1
creatures, weanng
halter, and, singular complete a. it seems h
actually lived to his 100th
year! rule the order o!
George s gone, have swept new into obnvion
tlungs seems to
the curious decree of the Colonial magis
trates, and the unhappy owner pf the
Salisbury house was left to die m his
bed ;bnt hn, Hir)gn]arHtor>-aflectelthe
neighborhood that i s the nai„l>t house be * e haunted, spec tod,
with a belief was
and strange tales used to be told o a
spectral horse m dnder wth theshnek
ing gure o a,g .yi
old lady told me that when a a child she i
used to live m terror of the peaceful
spot where the Salisbury house ghostly stands,
firmly believing that its occu
pant, with a halter about his shriveled
neck, could at any moment appear.
--—
A Request Denied.
an 7 tll ing alxiut it, and the reverend
»«»ber i .truc«d requested write that to the I»gen»ll Secretary be
a»<l U ascertain. tp direct
“ Wbat am de object?” queried the
Pfegldent
"I P TO P^‘ <lat dis club take steps to
prove dat dar’ am a hereafter fur de
^^1.”
“Yondo, eh? If de pusson who de
a theory urn a fool, de pusson
who sots out to already prove what l»eheves, seben-eights
of de world am ncx
(b,ah to a " idiot - a,n ™ au ’ Kavc
. ...
mv dootv as a Christian
tQ contr o V ert Ingersoll’s argy
,
«it am your dootv as a Christian man
(0 let Bol) Ingersoll have all de rope he
wants , jf y o„ has got de prop-r faith
) e can * t hn ;. t ye If your T i >e Iief won’t
'
^ attack deQ it am too weak to
stan’ alone. If, alter men an’ women
have believed in God an’ hereafter an’
Heaben fur 6,000 y’ars a lawyer with a
slmb noae a b ke a dog barkin’
in a co me along an’ scare ’em
. ^ flte HOmebody had lM . tt c r go to
work an’ plug * up de knot holes an’ put
^ rivet in do j’ints .”—Detroit Free
p. rces •-----
Facts Wortli Knowing.
--
That salt fish are quickest and best
( reH hened by soaking m sour milk.
That cold rainwater and soap will re
moTe machine grease from washing
“r,-„ That fish , may lie , scaled , , much h easier .
by first dipping them into boiling water
for one minute.
That fresh meat beginning to sonr will
sweeten if placed out of doers in the
cool air over night.
That iKilling starch is much improved
by the addition of sperm oil, salt or a
little gum arabic, dissolved.
That a tablesjmoni'nl clothes of fnrpentine
boiled with your white will great
ly aid the whitening will process.
That kerosene soften boots and
shoes that lmve lieen hardened by wa
ter, and will reader them pliable and
new.
That clear boiling water will remove
ten staiiw; pour the water through the
stain, and thus prevent it spreading
over the fabric.
That salt will curdle new milk; hence
in preparing milk iKirridge, gravies, etc.,
the salt should not be added until the
dish is prepared.
“That- kerosene will make your tea
kettle as bright as new. Saturate a
woolen rag, and rub with it. It will
also remove stains from the clean var
Di.hotl hiruitOT...
“Yrs," says Mrs. Suaggs, “I left my
husband at home to take care of the
baby while I went to the theatre. He
didn’t say anything much when I came
home exoept that I never before looked
so handsome to him, but I found out
the next day that our parrot had learned
some horrible, horible words .”—Flo si <>11
Post.
DIDN’T MEAN HIM.
A Mu Vn>» wan Determined to be Fultj
l'nder«t®od.
“Take a square look at me !’’ he com
manded as he halted in front of a police
man on Michigan avenue yesterday. ali
The policeman looked him over.
He was a pretty good chunk of a man,
carrying a bond face, a prominent nose,
and an air of general anything innocence. about
“1^ don t see wrong
?°te “““ ,e officer
Do my mothes bt. Do I wobble
I waiE . Do I wipe my moritn
on my coat tails? Does the sight of
me remind vou cf cabbages and other
green things? look nke
/‘Well, no. You to me an
Lunest, good-natured fellow.
“TheD,” said the stranger as he
brought his fist down with a thump,
“there’s going to be bloodshed in the
town, I c &m fe in tbiB morning witb nn
excursion. We had scarcely landed
when a man called out: ‘Did vou bring
along the keow ?’ ‘Did vou mean that
*« me ?’ says I. He said he didn’t and
I P»**d on
“B.e might not
“Then, I _ the street,
as was going up
“Well, I got up to rut GnswcM street,
&Tj d I was looking the post-office
and a man calls out. Ill bet he brought
along raw omens and tnrnips_ for his
' tv,” 1 ‘
rai T ^ i, rr
; ia ' “ is Js
-
h \ r
’
He must have referred to . some one
NVe11 T \ , “ ,, ro, l g , l ,. e i:>OSL ;
“most ’ a^o^ r 1 ? 11
[ ™ toere°whcn feltow our
a sLop calls
the l rest rS C abWe-head me^that of
f ‘D f ° “^him for
me . sa s i, as a wa.as up xo mm. He me
9a 7, f L ie f K /i l ’ an ,f 1 P® 88 ^ °n.
“He could not have mean you.”
C ; tv I U j TgrZT llg ovS-g.‘!wrf ^Behold chap
sings out through his nose: the
second crop of dandelions! Oh, mv ^ !’
^ u m that for me r 8aV8 j j
np { Efe saiJ he and
^^at’s D ».
right ”
“Mebbe sc, £ but you \ look a-here ! I’m
. d(rvn the dock> The first
f S erry
nan Qr ]>oy w j io ca ;j 8 D, t carrots, pump
^ 011 j 0 £g turnips scare-crow green
blossom
- have ‘
$q m(; WOE t no ch;moe to Jle about
j-p tlirn on Llm alld rftrjd hlm> and
R]av / ljjm and hammer i lim sfcrjne blind ,
M bbe nobodv meaDS anvthing, and
-
mebl>e itg S ; mp Jv tLeir way but got
dar , der up, and if you hear a roaring
sound like a cyclone you ^ may know that
ou“ r ‘summerYquashTto y M f ^ '"-IMrSt h
q me
----
a . hmu Rj T „. 0 j» oninlne Discovered
Germau me dical journals discuss a
new medical agent lately discovered by
Professor Fischer, of Munich. In the
of a white crystalline powder, from coal
tar, which greatly resembles quinine in
Fischer has given it the nameot ltainn.
The chief effect produced by it as yet
observed is the rapid diminution of fever
heat, and its efficiency in this respect is
descnlied as remarkable. It is believed
that it will render the use of ice in fever
cases unnecessary, and that its skillful
employment wall enable the physician
to moderate the temperature of the
patient also reported to have less .
Kairin is in
convenience for the stomach than qui
nine. But observation does not show
as yet, at least—that it possesses that
tonic and restorative influence for which
quinine is so frequently administered,
Perhaps, from a chemical and physio
logical point of view, the most valuable
thing about the new discovery is that it
seems to bring us nearer to finding out
the chemical nature of quinine itself and
the true character of its agency. The
discovery has been patented and a manu
factory of kairin established, under the
direction of Professor Laubenlieimer of
Giessen. But, as it is said that the cost
of producing a kilogram (about 35i oz.)
of the new agent is £15, it will l*e some
time before its patrons can hope practical to see
d take the place of quinine in
pharmaev. I -.---
Didn’t Whip Him.
__
« v, nv me 4 a vou thful aennaintance in
is,, street and exclaimed
Busby, that I
wag a „ oin - to wbi p yo(1 w i ieH j caught
y „ o«
.. Go uwav Bill I don’t want to fight.”
“Afpl.he vou don’t think ( can whin
’
Y0U ?”
“It don’t make any difference whether
^ u can wldp me or no t. I do n’t want
“Yes' d iq v mo ther—”
’ your mother knows I can whale
‘
Y0U ”
* mother’s dead. She <lied this
morning”
bl a moment the braggart boy was
transformed into a gentle child. “J
didn’t know it, Jack,” he said, “and yon
mustn’t think hard of me. 1 ain’t got
nothing against you. I wouldn’t hit
and’hit you and if another boy knock was ter come down, up
you now, I’d him
There don’t cry. What ver got in that
* ’
bun dle?” j,
u A b u , k dress .”
“Come on and let me carry it. for
y 0U .” Arkansan’ Traveler.
liT Uif. .. tb ., | T ™,, - . -J rWa
ln . ™ ltu3g • v r Tonathan
The AmeriZl
; .. ..Thtn urn
name! Pat, is alwavs next to the date on
a„the
can name tan yez find on ont, at an,
at all!”
Wb sliould never make enemies, if for
uo other reason, because it is so hard to
behave toward them as we ought.
THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.
WHAT Wt FLND H TEE ffrWGROCS
PAPERS TO LACGH 0TER
a chance foe eifassios.
A comme rria: traveler dropped off Die
train in a small Western village, and
npon getting into the ’bus, was driven
about three miles to the hotel
Ig tblg towa incorporated?” he
finallv inquired of the hotel runner who
wafi the only other occupant of the ’bus.
“So.”
“Whv don’t vouincorporate? If vou
d j d von " wotdd "have a town bigger than
York.’— '
"New Texas Sifting*.
a s»-E6Ure. j
A certain physician, hired who has not got ,
much practice, a small colored boy
to accompany him in his visits, and nold j
tbd iiorsc.
“How does yer like yer new place?”
asked the boy’s mother when he came
home on Saturday night.
“I likes it fustrate. We neber has to
stop at de houses at all like the udder
doctors. I jess gits all de ridin I
wants, was the repiy. Austin Sifting a
~estate
s?’ " J ™'" eot “ ~ ” w ~
“Be i {, abers - 111 d ° nayther.” j
.. We rU show you.”
«.jf ow , don’t be’ afther talkin’ that
way> £ Mist her Brownin; lit ush raison
aw ne togither. Af yez dollars put me out sixhtv by
lah, it will cost vezsixh an
cints, an’ af yez’ move ma out yerself it
will cost Tez onlv foor dollars. Now,
phat will yez do? -
The owner sent a team around and
moved him .—Merchant Traveler.
waebartkg ms iktegbitt.
A man at the Central Market was in
need of a bov to assist him at his peanut Sown
stand, and in some wav it became
to a colored man on Calhoun street. Yes
. , - . cj J B
.^“S “ • ■* fo/the A. , twelve’
“cln place read'
vour Do- and write?”
asked the peanut man.
“He kin, sah.
“Is he willing and industrious ?
“ Hfe am dai”
“Can vou guarantee his integrity? ’
<‘l-I-dat’s a leetle mixed, boss,
Does you refer to his gittin’ up airly ?”
“I refer to his honesty. If I should
leave him in charge here for several
hours would he abuse my confidence?”
“Well, sah,” said the man as be walked
around the stand to see how it closed up,
“if you shet down the kiver an turn de
key an’ leave dat boy on de cha’r heah
wid plenty of apples to eat, I’ll warrant
his integrity agin de prominent man
m Detroit "—Free Press.
could not be crushed.
She wascomplamingabout the Browns.
She c said that Mrs. Brown was shoddy,
vulgar and illiterate, and the young
women were silly, impudent, and put
ting on altogether too many airs.
‘‘ They 8bould be cru8bed >” ^ ^
p *
«*!!!!„ . tbpv 1 should _ wld ’ .. n added dea Mrs.
'
^try.” p arcbaae ail the cucumbers in the
“Werfl!" to chord,.
“We ll foroe up prices, bust Brown. ^
^ crowd his family bock where it be:
, OT1 -Splendid! „ H ..
Splendid hold 1” Alas!
“ A . d we will-bat on !
We m undone. Come to think of it,
Brom doeS n’t use the real cumber in
big trade _ but has ’em made to order
out of gutta-percha Ladies we can’t
compete l with machinery. Let us be
iatis fied with snubbing the Browns.”
a “rasher ‘ punished.
Coming down the nver from the Flats
the other day was a man about fifty-fiva
years old, neatly dressed, white plug
hat, kid gloves, and appearing to be a
real nice man. As he was alone some
took him for a widower, while others
argued that he had been disappointed had in
love m has early days and never
married. But he was nice. He chuokled
to the babies, patted boys and girls on
the head, and sat right down among the
ladies and related all the Indian legends
of Lake St. Clair. Ever so many of
them said he was the nicest gentleman
they ever saw, and one little woman who
turned up her nose at the idea of liis be
ing too sweet for anything was promptly
wilted by a score of glances.
When the boat arrived at Detroit the
nice man with the white plug hat had
agreed to see a lady and two children
over to the Central Depot. Oh, no ! it
wouldn’t be the least trouble to him.
On ,W «!»,> had ™ MUM satchel at
the pnvilege. He a in
either baud, and was in the crowd wait
“g for the gang-plank, when a woman’s
voice was heard crying from the wharf:
“Yes, that’s him—that’s the miserable
old deceiver !”
The nic « man suddenly dropped both the
satchels, and tried to push back, but
crowd was so dense that he was pushed
along up the plank. He had no sooner
reached the wharf than his white hat
went sailing, and a voice hissed out;
“Had to go to Pontiac on business,
Aid yon? This is the way to return
from Pontiac, is it?”
He dropped tlie satchels again and
broke for the street, but she hit liim
whack! whack! whack! with an um
brella, and called after him:
“It’s the first time you’ve had on
gloves in 9 year, and you’ve got your
whiskers died since morning ! Oh, yon
base deceiver 1 Here the children and
I haven’t had a square meal in two
and you are around playing
masher!”
“Give it to him!” cried a voice in the
crowd.
-Oh, jon b., I will,” .be „pli^. O
him before he did me, and he
aa lf he bad “ 4 bee “
.
nl play maKher till he hasn - t a whole
fioue left!”
“You bet!”
“Yes, and you bet. Which way did
be go? Who’s got a club?’’—M. Quad.
KAST WATCH CHADfS.
A young man with two watch chains
across his vest bearded a Woodward
avenue car at two o’clock the other after
noon. Among the passengers was an old
woman w^o bad been inquiring crossing! about
taking the Bay City train at the
one looked across at the Toting man with
great interest for a minute or two and
then said:
“Your time must be very valuable,
yonng man. ” y
He bowed and mumbled something
which she could m,t catch, and leaning
forward she asked: 6
“I s'pose one o’ them watches is for
when you go down, and the other is for
when you come up, eh ?”
“He shifted around to look out of the
window, aud, seeming vexed at his want
of courtesy, *he continued:
ms ™ e w0 ' Qj, , cheaper , to
. , ‘ “ elght . day ciock ] ‘_ “ to shir t
‘
-
tj-j*jia. He dld ? 1 ft. }° ,■» . ld
a r
t ^^? lng ° n tb* knee with the handle
of tbe ^rella, she inquired:
Cl , J^ 2 maD ’ 1 Wan * tocatcb the Ba 7
Z
„^h time j. j. bv „ii . K
hal -
n na
*"“ —
irife fortv-eight’
Iv brL vears and never had an
inch of’ chain hitched to it. Fll
bet it shows the right time nearer than
anything hauled you’ve got.”
She out a watch almost as largo
as a saucer and rattled it around and
waved it about, and as be slid along the
seat toward the door she said:
“I'd let them chains run down and
hitch to vour boot-straps ! Anv hims’e’f voung
man as will go and toggle up
and criss-cross his breast with chains
^ spangles must have got strayed
from some twenty-hve-cent store,
and " an;s to and returned,
Have you got baked taters hitched to
the pocket end ? bay--!”
But he dropped off and fell down and
got up and got away before she could
further abuse him.-DetroitFree Press.
thhx mpsx sc™.
The proprietor of a restaurant was
recently discovered looking as though
he had lost the last friend in the world,
sighing heavily, and apparently ' about
to shed tears.
“What is the cause of your grief ?”
inquired a customer,
The melancholy man explained that
several gentlemen had ordered splendid
dinners, and having gorged themselves -
to their hearts’ content, hail dropped
out without paying for them, and the
unfortunate restaurant man completely
broke down at the magnitude of his
misfortune.
“It’s pretty bad, said the sympathiz
customer, “but don’t take on so
about it; you will weather the crisis."
“ A h !” replied the proprietor, smiling
through £ his tears, “I’m not losing any
mone by the transaction. I never
wee p 0 ver now’on my own misfortunes, I am
crying waiter, account of mv head
out from whose salary I shall de
duct the amount of the loss. He is a
poor man with a large famdy to support,
-
TAKTSO A HTKT.
A rather superstitutions young man,
who is fond of quoting fag ends of wis¬
dom in old sayings and maxims, was re¬
cently sitting'by the girl of his choice
trying in vain to summon up time courage he
to pop the question. Every approach¬
plunged in and said something seized with
ing the subject, he would be
a spell of bashfulness and would contort
his face as if about to have a fit. One
day he had proceeded as far as—“Sup¬ to
posing a young man should ask you
-” Then he wrinkled his nose and
became silent
“What is the matter with your nose?”
asked the young lady solicitously.
“Tickles. I must go and kiss a fool,
as the saying is.”
The girl smiled into his face with
sweet innocence.
“Mother says I look like a fool some¬
times,” she said archly. improve
He had sense enough left to that
the opportunity, and now he says
actions speak louder than words, and are
better, too.
To Get Rid of the Trauip.
Judge Gifford, of the County Court of
Westchester, is said to intend proposing ork
to the Board of Supervisors it be that sent a w
house be built and to every
vagrant who sets foot in the county, the
said vagrant to be compelled to earn his
living. This is the most practical plan
yet devised for ridding the principal the ap¬
proach to New York of tramp.
Home of the laws against vagrancy others are
severe enough to be inhuman; than the re
quire more jails and lockups
towns possess, but a workhouse, prop
erlv managed, will be exactly the thing.
It‘need not be very large or costly,
either, for as soon as the tramps learn
of its completion—and they have a mar¬
vellously quick ear for news concerning
themselves—they will cease to infest
Westchester county. Then other conn
ties. for self-protection, may be obliged
to build similar workhouses, but tne
rural taxpavers will not grumble; any
man will pay handsomely for the assnr
anee tliat his family will no longer be
Apple Pudding.
not is made thus: bottom of a
enough apples to cover the of
deep tin plate; then make a batter
r^VStoenongh aC which will cover flour the tomake apples.
ter
™ »Trge p5
putting the*sugarland cinnamon on
A man s prayers wall fr 0
good heaven M
deepest dungeons climb
and bring a blessing down.