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BRIGANDAGE IN TURKEY.
In Bale Condition oftbeConntry about So
lonic-n nnd Aidin.
The latest exploit of brigandage near
Balonisa, according to the Constantino¬
ple correspondent of the London Haiti/
Telegraph, has caused consternation at
the Palace and Porte. So long as the
brigands confined themselves to plun¬
dering and carrying off foreigners or
small farmers the authorities hardly
chose to interfere, and seemed to have
regarded them only as levying back¬
sheesh in a slightly irregular manner. Mehmet
When, however, they brigade, catch broth¬
Pacha, a general of his
er-in-law, and a wealthy local merchant
of Salonica. the case is regarded as more
serious. There has been always a strong of
impression that there was some kind
understanding between pursuers and
pursued. Some of the watches which
were sent to the captnrers of Colonel
King were worn by Turkish employees delivered
not long after they had been
to the brigands. After the capture of
Colonel Synge Salih Pacha was sent to
Salonica.* A thorough soldier and an
honest man, he buckled to the job with
resolution and skill, and in a series of
ably planned and vigorously executed
operations dispersed most of the hands
and filled the prisons of Salonica with
brigands. It will hardly he believed
that not a single one was brought to the
gallows, and that many of them were
allowed to go out on bail, a washerwo¬
man’s son becoming surety for several
dozens. The few who were killed died
resisting the troops, and of those who
surrendered the majority appear to have
escaped without even nominal punish¬
ment. Salih’s exertions were almost
thrown away. He was thwarted at each
step hv the provincial authorities and
finally called to Constantinople. Almost
before his hack was turned Niko and the
other chiefs collected fresh followers and
resumed their interrupted occupation.
GUESTS OF TITK FARMERS.
The vilayet of Aidin is nearly as badly
off as Salonica. At Smyrna, its capital,
a few years ago—perhaps regular the system
still flourishes—a agreement ex¬
isted between certain notables of the
province and some of the brigands. The
thieves labored Turks on the large farms of the
influential during the winter
months without wages, in return for a
distinct understanding that if they got in¬
to trouble while robbing in the summer
their masters should employ their influ¬
ence to obtain tlieir release. To this
day the traveler in Aidin may have
pointed out to him, swaggering in em¬
broidered garments and with a belt full
of knives and pistols, miscreants who,
though guilty of scores of murders, have
cheated the hangman and actually been
made guardians Midhat Pacha of estates appointed and mines.
When was Gov¬
ernor in 1880 lie found Aidin overrun
with brigands. attacking He instantly made
preparations for them, and
within six months the delighted citizens
of Smyrna were witnessing the death
struggle on the gibbet of a dozen or so
of tlieir worst enemies, Moslems and
Christians alike. At the time of his
arrest, in the spring of 1881 His High¬
ness could boast that he had already
given to the vilayet the same security
with which he had endowed the Syrians,
liis successor was Ali Pacha, back'. superseded Under his
a couple of months
rule brigandage Smyrniots assumed its old propor¬
tions, and the now dare not
put foot outside the town. At Castam
bol, on the Black Sea, further evidence
of the difference between good and bad
administration may be had. Said Pacha,
formerly a Woolwich cadet; compelled
the villagers, by tines aud other punish¬
ments, to attack the brigands, who were He
ravaging the country with impunity.
completely cleared the vilayet protected of these by
ruffians. Rustem Pacha,
the charter of Mount Lebanon from
Stamhonl’s interference, banded over to
Wassa Pacha a province where peasant
and tourist are as Bafe as in England.
Puns and Ihinislimcnt.
“Well, that’s a nice-looking man,”
said Justice Patterson, sarcastically, as
Joseph Slosser stood up at the rail.
The prisoner looked as if he hod had
a hard season. His clothes were in rags,
liis hair was matted over his eyes, liis
hands and face were black with dirt, and
he acknowledged that it was a long time
since he had made a home happy.
“The officer snys yon were drunk,
Joseph,” continued the Court. “Is
that so?”
“Spec’ I was.”
“What is your business?”
“Confectioner.”
“What ?" said the court, iu astonish¬
ment.
“Candy maker, yer Honor.”
“Aren’t you giving me taffy?”
.* No; I’m a sweet one, I am.”
“Yes, you look like a sugar plum; you
will lie iu season about Christmas time.
I guess you cau go up where you will
keep. The rain might melt you.”
“You cau serve me better than that,
Judge. To be candid—”
“Stop that! I do that sort of thing
here myself. I 1 feel did it my duty to pre¬
serve you, as a similar punster
last week. It will be a sweet meet be¬
tween yon. island, They want a confectioner
on the too; so I gness I’ll make
it three months. Yon will see mo’
lasses—”
“Make it a year, only send me out at
once,” gasped the prisoner, and a com¬
mitment for ninety days was laughingly
signed by the Judge.
A Great Year for Pears.
••'This is a remarkable year for pears,"
said a Washington Market fruit dealer
tea New York reporter. “I have
never known them to he so abundant
aud of such excellent quality. Pears
are fifty per cent, cheaper thau they
were las’ year. The finest Bartletts
bring six dollars per barrel, while these
rough-looking dollars pears of the same variety
sell for three and fifty cents per
barrel. The appearance of fruit deter
mines its price more than anything
else. These pears, put up in neat-look
tug baske s, and arranged with an eye
to artistic effect, will sell for twenty-five
percent more than they would bring
in ordinary baskets.’*
AMERICAN FABLES.
The Sleek Rnt-The Tvro Citizens-The
Waxon Wheel.
[From the Detroit Free Press.]
A Rat who had grown fat nndsleekand
n os ted undisturbed in a Peasant s Corn
Crib was one day visited by the Badger,
who inquired:
“How long since you have had any
Cheese !”
“Cheese? Why, I haven t even smelt
the article for a year
“Ah ! me ! lmt you must be a curious
Rat not to help yours, i to cheese, l
wouldn t stand it a single hour if I were
in your boots. You will never be a
happy Rat until yon have cheese. ’
After the Badger had gone the Rat got
to thinking the matter over. He was
fat, content and safe, but now that Cheese
had been mentioned lie felt that lie must
have a taste. He left the corn-crib and
went nosing around until he discovered
a piece of Cheese hung to a wire. lie
rushed for it, heard a click, and turned
around to find himself in a Trap and to
hear the Peasant call out:
“Ah ! here is another Rat who didn t
know, enough to remain in the corn
cr *k l
MORAL :
Let com enough alone.
THE TWO CITIZENS.
A citizen, having painted the front of
his grocery, bang out a sign bearing the
word “Paint.”
“Ah! so you have been painting?”
queried the first man who came along.
“Yes, sir.”
“Is it fresh paint?”
“It is.”
“Will it rub off?”
“It will.”
“Ali! tiie yes—I see—so it does,” con¬
tinued man, as he rubbed bis hand
over the boards and brought it away
covered with daub.
moral:
Never leave a fellow-man to find out
anything by rubbing his hack against it.
TIIE WHEEL AND TIIE WAGON.
Upon an occasion one of the front
wheels of a wagon became sulky and ob¬
stinate, and called out to the other parts
of the vehicle:
“I am tired of being dragged around
as if I had no mind of my own. As the
tongue bends I must follow, and I am
always behind it. I not only have a
mind of my own, but unless I can here¬
after run this business I shall refuse to
move.”
The Driver of the vehicle thought the
matter over, and finally told the Wheel
to go ahead.
“The first thing I shall do is to get
out of the dust,” replied the Wheel, aud
it made for the grass. It next decided
that it was easier to travel in the meadow
than upon the highway, and it balked at
every nill and rested so often that little
progress was made, and two of the other
wheels were finally crowded against the
bank and broken.
“Alas ! that I did not know better !”
sighed the Driver, as lie jumped down
to contemplate the wreck. ship “One who the
undertakes to steer a from
cook’s room will surely bring up on the
bt ach.”
moral:
A house where the head isn’t boss'
Wobbles as it runs.
ILnvkejc Dots.
IIY R. J. BURDETTE.
“Why should people sometimes marry
in haste?” asked young Harry, looking
up from his book. “Oh,” replied old
Harry, “because time and tide wait for
no man, and if they waited for any wo¬
man they would never get there.”
A Philadelphia dentist makes take you them a
set of store teeth and lets you
home on ten days’ trial. It’s an un¬
grateful customer that will go back on
liis own teeth. How mean that would
be. “ How childer than a thank.” serpent’s
sharp it is to have a toothless
A man niukes an awful row if his wife
takes his razor to trim a little maize on
her little toe or sharpen a lead pencil, scoffs
but be thinks it is all right, and protests
at her, if she skrieks her feeble
when he takos her little embroidery
scissors to cut a copper telephone wire.
“ Don’t hurt the scissors at all,” he
says. Ohio, writes to the
A Dayton, his man “had fifty tits in
papers that child
twenty-four hours,” and is now well,
hearty aud rugged. Oh, well, we should
think it very likely. A child that has
made a record of fifty-two fits in twenty
four hours ought to be tough enough to
board all the year round. The Asiatic
cholera would balk at that infant.
There isn’t a sardine on this side of
the Atlantic ocean, and yet there are
three big sardine factories in full blast
oil the coast of Maine. Now, how do
yon make that out? Easily enough, swallow
“easy as lying,” in fact. One
does not make a summer, all that glis¬
tens is not gold, and that which we call
a sardine would be a her-ring, had ho
been allowed to swim a year or two
longer. Massachusetts consider¬
A man very
ately staked out a burial lot on his farm
and dng his own grave before he went
to the house aud committed suicide by
eating a little striebnine. While he was
trying to be obliging, however, we can’t
see why he didn’t walk out to the grave
aud climb in before be took the poison. doing
Still, the man deserves credit for
as well as he did. It was mncli better
than going off into some lonely place and
and being taken, to the morgue
costing the estate no end of trouble and
expense in advertising, searching and
identifying.
New Paper Stork.
-
The consumption of paper is now so
great that the supply of rags for its
manufacture cannot keep pace with the
demand. Hence various other materi
als are being constantly impressed with into
the service of the paper mills vary
ing success. M. Reynand has found in
the Algerian dwarf palm a valuable ad
dition to these, and he utilizes the whole
of the plant except the roots, which are
reserved for fuel. The stalks and leaves
are treated with a special lye until the
fibre easily separates, after which it
passes between rollers, and is subjected
!o constant washings. The product t>
finally tied into bundles for transport
TRAVELERS IN ARKANSAS.
The Story that Win Tolit Them by an Old
California Miner.
Here is the substance of the recital of
the old California miner, made when
p )Ur friends had been joined by sev
era j many miners who are pros
pectiug ; n t lie Boston, Ozark, aud
White River Mountains:
“I owned a mountain of sulphur fifty
miles out of San Francisco, and was snp
plying California at something under
the price of Ihe imported article. I had
a Bure fortune. I knew that every one
of my teamsters had killed liis man, and
that their leader was a noted desperado,
But tl given out that they were
goil) to work that route . and as I could
affor[1 to pay their price I deemedit pru
dent to say nothing. At length, after a
uigllt in w fijeh they had filled them-
8elves with rum> their leader came into
my offic0t arme j w ith two pistols in his
alld sai j that the men had deter
mined to demand an increase of about
twenty-five j„g per cent. He then said,
clapp his ban( ] 8 to his pistols, that
no other teamsters should run that line.
j Knew I could not pay the increase and
unclersell the importers; but without
betraying myself I said in back an uncon¬
cerned way, ‘All well; go to your
hauling aud load up for San Francisco.’
“After the train had got well off I
hastened to the Sheriff of the county.
‘Hurry down,’ he said, ‘and see Jim
Johnson, ten miles from here. He
knowns your te.-.ni.sters, and they fear
him. He has killed his man, but in self
defence. He has a hundred horses, just
thrown out of employment and they’ll
eat their heads off and ruin him. Get
him and his men to your place before
your teamsters get back, and the instant
they see him they’ll cower. ’
“I found it as the Sheriff had told me;
but Johnson required me to buy him out,
as he had debts to pay. I promised
him the $16,000 that he demanded, and
two days later his teams and men were
at my place. My teamsters were there
also. There wag blood on the moon.
After a night’s debauch the leader en¬
tered my office wanting to know the
meaning of Johnson’s presence. I re¬
plied that I had bought Johnson out,
and should thereafter do my flwti haul¬
ing. The leader returned to his men, ami
and was soon confronted by Johnson
his teamsters. The desperado quailed that
as Johnson bade him get out of
ranch, saying, ‘I’ll kill you the first man
if you are here at sunset!’
“There was a consultation, and then
one after another of the desperado team¬
sters came in to be paid off. They I were had
dumfonnded when they saw that
the money ready for them. I had also
two good pistols under my counter, aud
Johnson and his men right at hand like¬
wise ready for-them. They took their
money, and walked away. They van¬
ished that afternoon, but not long after
that they attacked Johnson’s teamsters
from ambush. Johnson killed then
leader, and the rest fled.
“Well some months later, discoveries
nearer San Francisco made my sulphur
mountain worthless, and after several
fruitless efforts at compromise I aban¬
doned the place, and to-day the sulphur
mountain and the machinery stand there,
utterly abandoned. Moral: Keep out
of Milling .”—New York Hun.
Shakespeare’s Bones.
The vicar of Stratford-upon-Avon has
at last given his consent to have the
bones of Shakespeare exhumed in order
that the light of science may be thrown
upon the character of England’s almost great
poet-playwright. Tradition
alone has heretofore given to the world
its idea of the personal appearance of
Shakespeare. Now, however, science is
to place his bones upon its table and
announce hi all people how one Wil¬
liam Shakespeare lived, moved and had
Ids being. Science takes no cognizance idiot.
of king or beggar, scholar or
Just as calmly will it take up the mold
ering remains that have laid for centu¬
ries in the old tomb at Stratford-upon
Avon as it would the freshly-mangled
body of a pauper to determine the
cause of his death. The examination,
it is thought, will determine many
things. The shape of the skull will be
examined, to see if its contours indicate
that it contained a brain capable of writ¬
ing the plays attributed to Shakes¬
peare; the other bones will tell the physi¬
cal build of the man. and the whole
takeu together will reveal to the world
whether it has been lookiug upon the
likeness of Shakespeare in the prints
that flood every city, town and harulet,
or whether these are but the offspring
of brains whose possessors never saw a
correct picture of the playwright. For
years the vicar refused to grant the re¬
quest that the bones might be exhumed,
hut now that he has consented the whole
county of Warwick is aroused aud the
seveif thousand people, who compose
the village of Stratford-upon-Avon, are
holding tlieir breath in suspense lest the
slightest zephyr may scatter the sacred
dust that lies by the side of the ashes of
Ann Hathaway. Ail gaze, and all won¬
der, but none remember to observe the
touching injunction that is affixed to
Shakespeare’s last resting place:
Good friend, for Jesus’ sake forbeare
To dig tiie dust enclosed lu-are !
Blest he ye man yt spares tiles stones
And curst Vie lie yt moves my hones.
— Philadelphia News.
A Business Melody.
There was a man iu our town, and he
uus wondrous wise, for when he marked
his prices down he then did advertise.
And when he saw his trade increase,
with all liis might and main he marked
stiil lower every price and advertised
again. And when he advertised again his ri¬
vals loudly swore, to st>e folks rush with
might and main to patronize his store.
And while they sat iu solitnde and
saw him custom win, that man behind
the counter stood aud raked the shekels
in.
And when he raked the shekels in,
and saw his fortune rising, he took a
goodly lot of tin and kept ou ndvertis
ing. Each day he’d sink,
a generous plain sum
aud demonstrate full the more one
pays for printer’s ink the greater is his
gain.
DETECTING FORGERIES
AN EXPERT TEELS HOW FORGERS
OVERREACH THEMSELVES.
An Jntcrcstina; Interview Between n Re¬
porter and a Detective in Which the
Latter Explains the Mean* oi Detection.
“Beyond cases in court an expert is
no doubt often called in by business
men in instances of doubt about a signa¬
ture, I suppose ?” asked a reporter of
Detective Ames of Boston.
“Yes, many times. I was lately sent
for by a bank cashier and informed that
my services were needed. I arrived at
the bank just as he was leaving. He
took me into his office, however, and
took from a drawer about forty different
checks, which he handed to me and
told me to look them over while he was
gone, to see if there was anything settled the
matter with them. I at once
down to a study of them, and on pass¬
ing them through my hands rapidly the
first time picked out about fifteen about
which I had the least suspicion. Con¬
fining myself to these, I found two with
signatures of the same person so exactly
alike that I was convinced there was
something wrong.” be
“Why should that circumstance
suspicious ?”
“Because a man never writes his name
twice exactly alike. I felt sure that
these names were forged, and that the
forgery was done by tracing over the
original signature and then retracing
these two. I held them to the light,
and on placing one over the other found
that they coincided exactly, the size and
form of the letters, length of the signa¬
tures and everything common to them
being exactly alike. I was certain then
that they were forgeries and were the
ones suspected. When the cashier re¬
turned I handed him the two checks
and said:
it < Here are your two forged checks.’
‘ ‘He looked at me in wonder and ad¬
mitted that they were. It seems that
the only cause he had for suspicion was
that one of them overdrew the amount
the party had in the bank and couldn’t
be cashed. The first one was cashed
without suspicion. ” Mr. Ames
“A very interesting case,”
continued, “occurred a few years ago,
involving the amount received by a
farmer for the sale of his farm. The ,
farmer claimed that only £300 had been
received, but the purchaser claimed that
£8,000 more had been paid by him, and
on looking at the bond kept by the
farmer it was seen that the words
‘eighty-three hundred dollars’ did ap.
dt nr. ”
“How could that happen?” the repor¬
ter inquired. writing the
“It seems that upon re
ceipt for ‘three hundred dollars’ a space
was left in front to put in the figures.
The farmer neglected tiie to do this, and,
passing it to other, requested pretended him
to add the figures, which ho
to do, and, after folding the bond, re¬
turned it, and it was laid away without
being opened. It was my duty to the see
if the word ‘eighty’was written at
same time as the rest of the receipt.
My examination convinced me that it
was not. The pen presure was not the
same; it was also written above the base
line of the rest of the writing and the
general indications were that it was
written by a different hand and at a
different time from the rest.”
“How did the case come off?” asked
the reporter. eleven
“At the first trial there were
for guilty and one for acquittal, and on
the'second his counsel, waiving writing, the
question of his making the
claimed that the indictment should be
for fraud, He was consequently ac
quitted of forgery in this way,” dif¬
‘ ‘Where do you find the greatest
ficulty in detecting forgery ?”
“Probably the most difficulty is in the
case of a skillfully executed signature.
Often these forgeries are made by per¬
sons as skillful as the expert. In many
cases it is well nigh impossible for the
most skillful expert to determine beyond
grave doubts as to the genuineness of
the writing. Yet it is rare that ever a
skillful forger will not overlook some
point or habit in the genuine. When a
number of pages are written you will
always find that as yon read further aud
further you find the writer forgetting
himself and allowing his own peculiari¬ he be¬
ties of pemnanship to creep iu as
comes absorbed more in the composition
and less in the hand writing, Yon will
find the first part a clever imitation.
Turn over to the last page and you will
notice a vast difference. His own per¬
sonality lias crept in and betrayed him.”
i’rison Life in Siberia.
Ou the 10th of June a steamboat ar
rived at St. Petersburg from Tionmen,
towing a transport with (it»4 prisoners
ou board, bound lor Siberia. The trans¬
port had a terrible passage. Caught in
the ice, it was delayed six days in the trip
from Tionmen to Tomsk. On account
of this delay the prisoners, on their ar¬
rival at the latter town, were in a de¬
plorable condition, deprived of every¬
thing, and infected with diphtheria,
tvphus, small-pox and other diseases.
Two days afterward there came from
Tionmen another transport with 538
prisoners. Finally, on with the 21st of June, those
a third vessel came 700 of
unfortunates. The prison was too small
for these 2,000 crammed people, but nevertheless
they wore into it.
Among them were one hundred politi¬
cal prisoners; aud this fact is noteworthy
since it cannot be ascertained from
whence they came. Whether they
are. condemned to famishment or to
penal servitude iu the mines nobody
knows. Neither can it be ascertained by
what tribunals they have been tried,
since, according to the official figures,
the total number of convictions for polit¬
ical offenses during the few years falls
short of so high a figure.
Must we, then, believe that there is
some trnth iu the rumors according to
which people arrested on the charge o!
high treason have been brought before
secret tribunals ? Or have ihe political
prisoners been simply branch dealt with Govern¬ by th<
administrative of the
ment? There is no choice except be¬
tween these two alternatives equally tc
le depLred.
A Child Killed by Fright.
[From the Arkans&w Gazette,]
Few people seem to properly estimate
the great wrong of frightening children.
Nearly every household has its “ugly
old man.” or its “great old bear.” This
terrible old man aud this great old bear
are powerful factors in nursery disci¬
pline.
“Come along here, now,” a mother or
nurse will say to a child, “and let me
put you to bed. ”
“I don’t want to go now,” the child
replies.
“You’d better come on here now, or
I’ll tell that ugly old man to come and
take you away. There he comes now.”
This has the intended effect, aud
the child, trembling in fear, submits at
once and goes to bed, probably to see
in imagination all kinds of horrible
faces.
The sad death of a little girl, which
occurred recently, shows what a strong
impression these “boogers” make on the
minds of children. The little girl was a
beautiful child, and every one at the
fashionable boarding-house where her
parents were spending the summer
months, loved her with that parity of
affection which a child so gently yet so
strongly inspires. She would stand at
the gate and clap her little hands in
glee when her father came to dinner,
and when he would take her on his
shoulder, she would shout and call to
every one to look how high she was.
One day a large shaggy dog came into
the yard, and when she ran to him and
held a flower to his nose, he growled
and turned away. She was terribly
frightened, and the black nurse, who
stood near, was not slow in making a
mental note of the impression the dog
had made. Several nights afterward,
when bedtime came, the child was un¬
usually wakeful.
“Yer’d better come heah an git in dis
bed,” the nurse commanded.
“I don’t want to.”
“All right, den. I’s gwine out an’
call dat ole dog what growled at yer.
When he comes an’ fin’s yer outen de
bed, he’ll bite yer head off.”
The little girl grew deathly pale.
“Nothin’ would suit that dog better
den ter git a chance hat yer. ’Tother
night he cotch a little girl across de
road an’ eat her up.”
The child screamed.
“Come on heah den, an’ I won’t let
him ketch yer.” obeyed.
The poor little thing Her
father and mother were at an entertain¬
ment and there was no appeal from the
negro woman’s decision.
When morning came the little girl did
not awake with her glad “good mornin’,
papa an’ mamma.” She had tossed all
night and a hot fever had settled upon
her. She grew rapidly worse, and the
next day the physician declared that
there was no hope for her. Site became
delirious, and struggling would exclaim
“Dog shan’t have mamma’s littlegirl!”
It was a sorrowing circle that sur¬
rounded her death bed. The parents
were plunged into a grief which none
but the hearts of fathers and movers
can feel.
Her last moments were a series of
struggles. How hard the beautiful can
die. Sbe wildly threw up her little
hands and shrieked :
“Go away, dog !”
A gen tie hand wiped the death froth
from her lips. struggled and shrieked:
Again she
“Dog shan’t have--” hut she died
■ re the sentence was finished.
“Her little Serene Highness.”
In a letter from Robert J. Burdette,
at Nantucket, declining an invitation simply told to
lecture at Chautauqua, is
the touching story of the favorite humor¬
ist’s home life, and of his devotion to
the wife who has inspired ali his work
and by her inspiration has made him
world-renowned:
“Seriously, and in all ‘truth and sober¬
ness,’ I cannot come. Mrs. Burdette’s
health—if the poor little sufferer’s com¬
bination of aches and pains and helpless¬
ness may be designated l>y such a sar¬
castic appe’lation—has been steadily
failing all winter, and we have come
down to the sea-girt island to see if old
ocean and its breezes may do what the
doctors and mountains, and prairies
have failed to do. And here we are
waiting—‘Her little serene Highness’ stand
in utter helplessness, nimble to
alone—for years she has been unable
to walk—her helpless hands folded in
her lap. She must be dressed, and
carried about, cared for like a little
baby, suffering countless pains and
aches day and night, and I cannot leave
her even for a few days. No one at
Chautauqua will feel the disappoint¬
ment as we do, for we had planned could to
go there together. If she go
with me I would be glad enough Her to
creep to Chautauqua on my knees.
life has been a fountain of strength to
me. In her long years I have never
seen the look of pain out of her eyes,
and for more than half so long I have
seen her sitting in patient helplessness,
and I have never heard a complaining
murmur from her lips, while she has
served as those who stand and wait,
never questioning and never doubting
the wisdom and goodness of the Father
whose hand has been laid on her so
heavily. The beautiful patience of her
life has been a constant rebuke to my
own impatience, and her sufferings I
have seen and known, and believed the
‘love that know no fear.’ ,7 and the faith
that ‘knows no
A Weil of Hot Water
Two negroes in Philadelphia were
very much surprised the other well which day.
They were in the bottom of a
they were engaged in digging, they peace
. nlly eating thc-ir lunch, when no¬
ticed a thin cloud of steam coming ont
if a rift in the earth, followed by a
•dream of water. The water was boil
ng hot, and before they knew it their
‘oes were scalding. "With the horrified
exclamation, “Fob deLord, what am de
mat tab wid dis watah?’ they wildly
clambered out of the well, which they
•ould not be induced to enter again.
The explanation of the mystery is that
near the well was a hole in which tiie
1 loiler of a large engine was blown off,
md the hot water trickled through a
loose vein of earth into the well
TIIE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS.
NAUTICAL ELOQUENCE,
A speaker who attempt", to use nauti¬
cal metaphors should be thoroughly
familiar with the sea and the working of
a ship, or he will strand his speech. 0
clergyman A
by the seaside. was once Thinking supplying a pulpit
the truth distinctly to impress
more upon the con¬
gregation, many of whom were seamen,
he drew the figure of a ship trying to
enter harbor against head wind. J
a a
metaphor, Unfortunately he knew for tiie success of his
little of seamanship.
After putting the ship into several singu¬
lar positions, ho cried out in a tone in¬
tended to be emphatic;
‘•'What shall we «o next ?”
“The Lord only knows,” exclaimed a
disgusted old tar, “unless you let her
drift starn-foremost!”
That prince of sailor-preachers, Father
Taylor, was ouce silenced by a Compli¬
ment to his eloquence. He had de¬
picted the impenitent sinner under the
figure of a storm-tossed ship, with her
sails split, and driven by the gale toward
the rock-bound coast of Cape Ann.
“Oh, how,” he exclaimed in tones of
despair, ‘ ‘shall this poor sin-tossed sin¬
ner be saved ?”
Instantly an old salt in the gallery,
who had listened with open mouth and
straining eyes to the preacher, jumped
to his feet, and in a voice that would
have sounded above a hurricane shout¬
ed—
“Let him put his helm hard down,
and bear away for Squam !”—Christian
Advocate.
SELLING HIS STOCK.
“As I understand it,” said the Chicago
lawyer, as he leaned back, “you run a
grist mill ?”
“Yes, sir.
“It, is owned by a stock company, and
you have ten shares?”
“Yes, sir.”
“The stock now sells at 95. You want
to bear it down to about JO, and buy in
a controlling interest?”
“Exactly.” welt. Your is to report
that “Very mill is game machinery
the unsafe, the
out of order, the wheat crop poor, the
stockholders discouraged, and your £10,000 be¬
lief that the concern will lose
during the next year. Then offer your
ovfli stock at 45.”
In about a week the man returned, and
when the lawyer asked him how it
worked, he replied: doing
“I followed your advice. After
some tall talking I offered my stock at
45.”
■. . Of course.
i i And you have cleaned ’em out?”
“No, sir ! They bought my stock in
before 1 couid turn around twice, and I
am *£5,000 out of pocket!” Humph !
“Yes, I see—I* see—I see.
Of course I see ! Your game now is to
feign insanity; go to the asylum for a
few weeks, and have me appointed your
guardian !”— Wall Street News.
ANOTHER KIND OF ROARING.
She had a little boy with her as she
sat down in the street car beside a lady
acquaintance and drawled out:
“Oh, you don’t know how glad I am
to get home again. We were away seven
“So long as that?”
“Yes, indeed. You vlon’t know how
monotonous the roar of the sea becomes
after a week or two.”
“I’ve heard so.”
“Ma, what sea ai - c you talking
about ?” suddenly put in the boy.
“Hush, child.”
“But Uncle George lives up in the
woods in Isabella county, and it was all
woods and mosquitoes and snakes, and
such old beds aud poor living that you
cried to come home Is that the kind
of roar you heard?”
The other lady was awful good. She
looked out of the car window, and be¬
gan ta talk about the weather .—Detroit
Free Pres s.
Civilization.
It is a touching evidence of the grad¬
ual civilization of the American Indian
that he is beginning to care more for his
clothes than for his dinner. Little
Chief, a Cheyenne, has appealed to the
Secretary of the interior for a new suit
of clothes. “I don’t care much for
grub.” says this Brummell of the prairie, style.
“but I do like to dress in proper
I want the best white liat you can pur¬
chase in the ufarket.” The wording of
this pathetic petition leaves it a little in
doubt whether in fashionable Cheyenne
circles at present a white hat constitutes
a suit of clothes, or whether prairie fall
styles prescribe for the aboriginal
“dude” that a white hat shall top off the
splendors of a dirty army blanket and a
coating of red and yellow ochre. But
by all means let Little Chief have his
hat. And as Wall street, New York, is
just about shedding its tiles' why not
collect them and send them out to equip
the rest of Little Chief’s Tribe? Like
bread east upon the waters they will re¬
turn to us in a few days with a bland
request to put something in them .—New
York Hour.
A New Use of the Electric Motor.
Thousands of experiments are now
under way to develop the capabilities of
electricity as a motive power. Its latest
application is on a pleasure Jaunch on
the River Thames, m England- The
boat is forty feet long and of g° 0< *
It is propelled by screw driven by a bie
The «£J
,vX,»t the .,»<■ the_machinery «tl»l of .»» alo
the weight of is
hut the advantage is m the vuy
same S«» taken te the. Jgj
twenty-foot K electrical lani.cn
tors A for Passengers
will allow as much room
batfjgS
journey.—