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THE CONYERS WEEKLY VOL. XI. Pin statistics prove that each inhabit ant of the United States consumes on* in per day. This makes necessary the daily manufacture of sixty millions of pins. The tigers were a little behind in India last year; one thousand four hundred and sixtv-four of them were killed by hunters, and they killed only about one thousand persons. Statistics of the peanut trade show that those who are fond of the humble <mnber paid $ 10 , 000,000 last year to 3 100,000 bags of the nuts were pro , duced, of which the greater portion came from Tennessee. A report just made by Fertsion Com¬ missioner Black shows that, excluding the eighty-two counties from which no (Statistics have been received, the grand total of Union sold ers supported in Government and private charitable in¬ stitutions was in October, 1837, 35,953. Of this number, 15,152 were in soldiers' homes, while 21,801 were in State and county institutions or supported by charitable aid in towns. i The German Army Commander recent¬ ly attempted a “minor mobilization” ex¬ periment near Metz. The railroad station master received at 1 o’clock an order to prepare coffee for 2,800 men at 4, and a dinner for the same number at 6:30. At 1 o’clock 2,800 men came in, had their coffee, and took the train for another station, and at 6:30 the next 2,800 promptly appeared, dined and went to the next station, where they had coffee, and both parties returned to their quar¬ ters the next morning. The a ttern p t was highly successful. The history of such millionaires as Cooper, Cornell, Peabody and the late W. W. Corcoran shows that it is possible for rich men to bo public-spirited and generous without impoverishing them¬ selves. Mr. Corcoran gave away $5,000,- 600, and. continued to make money until i the last. If he had been miserly and I grasping, says the Commercial Advertiser, | he might have died a poor man. As it | I was, everybody ready back loved him him. Good men were to in any enterprise, I and furnish him with any amount of I money, if h e needed it. Texas is a large State, and it does things on a large scale, says the New lork Observer. Its new State Capitol is a magnificent structure, looming up four feet above the Capitol at Washing¬ ton. It has not cost the State a cent of money either, and that is where it differs from the Capitol at Albany. A syndi¬ cate was given 3,000,000 acres of public lands to build it, not a very larg amount, considering that Texas has about one hundred and seventy millions of acres left, The State has a balance in its Treasury, too, of about $9,000,000 in cash and securities. Commodore Samuel Barron, of the late Confederate States Navy, who died at Eis home in Virginia not long ago, may I>e said to have been born in the United States Navy, for at the early age of three years he was appointed a Midshipman by ffie Secretary of the Navy. This ap¬ pointment is the only one of the kind ever made in the United States Navy, •ilt the age of eight years he made his first cruise, being ordered to the Medi¬ terranean Station; and from that time on until the breaking out of the late war he served almost continuously, and rose to the rank of Post Captain. ” i The area of dry land in Holland is a tttllion acres greater now than it was in the sixteenth century, thanks to the saeigetic works of reclamation which St. a 'e long been proceeding,” says the James's Gazette. “It is computed that eight acres of land are daily re¬ stored to cultivation in the wonderful httle country which has fought so sturdy a “git against the ocean. For forty years Dutch engineers have been proposing the reclamation of the Zuyder ee—-a greater work by far even than the raining of the lake of Harlem, which occupied twelve years. The Zuyder Zee " a “ ^°rmed in 1282 by an invasion of the which engulfed seventy-two villages. ® tna ^ er is now being taken energetically up very throughout the country, several organizations have been ^enned of to the collect preliminary funds for defraying the surveys. It is r °posed to separate the Zee from the CaQ ° u * s 'de by means of dykes of great ^ogth, and then to pump out the *ater—obviously °Peration. a long and costly r That this colossal work of Wm mati011 5s P^cDcable there can " lly bea d ™bt. The effort is worth * or if it be successful, it « HotedT “"**»» NATIONAL CAPITAL, interesting ROTS about oUR UNITED STATES’ OFFlCtALs. C.osstp Abo ill t|,e White House—Army and Navy Matters—Onr Relations With Other Countries aud Naiioas, CONGRESSIONAL. The Senate after spending a day in de¬ bating the bill for the admission of South Dakota as a state, which was at times quite excited, and which occasionally CiUlsed manifestations of laughter or ap Eautsssss. vote Oh the bill. The sub ti ram were . l0 de¬ re- . feated—yeas ute was passed—yeas 23, nays 26—and the bid 26, nays 23—a strictly party vote. It declares the state of Sou h Da¬ kota a state of the United States of Amer¬ ica, and ratifies and confirms (subject to ceitain provisions) the constitution which the people of South Dakota have formed. It fixes the boundaries of the state and gives the state concurrent jurisdiction of the river Missouri, and every river bor¬ dering former on the state-. The port on of the territory not within the state of South Dakota is to continue as a Dakota, teiritory under the name of North with Bismarck as its capital. .... Mr. O’Neill, of Pennsylvania, pre¬ sented a petition in the House of the Maritime Exchange, of Philadelphia, against the sugar and mola-ses schedule of the Mills bill. Referred. The House then went into committee of the whole, Mr. Springer, of Illinois, in the chair, for further considera¬ tion of the Indian appropriation bill. Mr. Payne, of Pennsylvania, offered an amendment providing that at Indian training schools, which were church or¬ ganizations, as assisting in educational work, the Christian Bible may be taught in the native language of the Indians, if in the opinion of persons in charge of the schools it is deemed conducive to the moral welfare of the pupils. Adopted. Bills for lighthouses at Newport News, Middle Ground, Virginia, St. Joseph’s Point, Florida, Holland Island bar, Ches¬ apeake bay, Maryland; and one for a light ship at Bu-h’s Bluff Shoals, Elizabeth river, Virginia, were reported from the committee and placed on the calendar. Among the petitions presented in the Senate and referred, was one by Mr. Brown Atlanta, signed by seventy-three citizens of Ga., protesting against legisla¬ tion to brand or tax refined lard, and stating their belief that cottonseed oil and beef fat are as wholesome and valu¬ able foods as leaf lard from swine.... In the House, Mr. McCreary, of Ken. tucky, submitted the conference repoii upon the bill authorizing the President the United to arrange a conference between States and the South and Central Ameri¬ can republics, Hayti, San Domingo and the empire of Brazil. Mr. Belmont intro¬ duced a bill to prohibit the coni'ng of Chinese laborers into the United States. Referred. The floor was then accorded to the committee on labor, and the House resumed consideration of the bill to es tabliih a department of 1 .la 1 or. Passed. The bill as passed by the House to estab Ibh a department of labor provides that there shall be at the seat of government a department of labor, the general design and duties of which shall be to acquire and diffuse among lhe people of the United States useful information on sub¬ jects connected with labor, in the most geneial and comprehensive sense of that word, and especially upon labor, its earnings relation to of capital, the hours of laboring men atid women, and the means to be used in promoting their material, social, intellectual and moral prosperity. r I he next bill called up was that to create boards of arbitration for the settlement of controversies and difficulties between interstate common carriers and their em¬ ployes, and it was considered in commit¬ tee of the whole. GOSSIP. Mr. Crisp has made a favorable report from the commerce committee on the measure allowing the Tennessee bridge and Coosa Railway company to build a over tne Tennessee river at Guntersville, Alabama. The Senate committee on claims have reported favorably the measure passed by the House, to relieve the Agricultural and Mechanical college at Auburn. Ala¬ bama, from all money responsibilities tor so much of the advance and advince stores issued to said college in 1886, as was destroyed by fire June 24, 1887. in a letter wn'ten to nrepresentative Whitthorne, chairman of the naval re¬ serve sub-committee of the House Com¬ mittee on naval affairs, Secretary W hit ney declares himself enrne-tly in favor of the proposed legislation for the estab¬ lishment of a naval reserve. If the pro¬ goes through, two Southern cities will be benefited. The sub-committee of the House com¬ mittee on education decided to report to the full committee a substitute for the Blair educational bill as passed by the Senate. The substitute provides the for the df use of money realized from sale public land not to exceed $ 8 , 000,000 in any one year for educational purposes. The money is to be distributed among the states in proportion to the number of persons of scholastic age. The House Committee on agriculture have prepared a favorable report on the measure to amend the act to establish agricultural stations in connection with the agricultural colleges. Under the law the grants of money author¬ ized by Congress are subject to the legis¬ lative assent of the states to be affected thereby, but Col. Blount proposes to di¬ rect that such installments of the appro¬ priation as may be due, and the legis a ture, not being in session, shall be paid on the governor of the state making the assent provided by law. CONYERS. GEORGIA, FRIDAY, APRIL 27. 1888. STRANGE CASE. X Soliiti Cnbqliiia Belle Wed, Two Men and COnfes.es iter Fault to One of Them. Gaffney, S. C., and the surrounding country have been gieatly excited over the marriage ot Miss Florence Little, who was the belie of all the young ladies, aud was without a rival iu the beauty of her features and the splendor of her magnifi cent form. Mi»s Florence Was a gicat dirt, and cuild not resist a little pastime in this way with any dt specimen of the -turner sex. Augustus Miutz was her d voted slave. T ie cou se of true love w is smooth until Dr. D. C. Atkinson, of Che.tir, S. C , came upon the scene of Tie u rivalle I belle of Gaffney City, ami forthwith ihey became engaged. This was in Novem er last, aud the happy event was postponed from time to tune until the lit of February last, Ju.t be¬ fore this day, a friend >f Miss Litrie tel¬ egraphed Atkinson ti.-t Mi*s Tattle was very ill and condued to her bed, and that the marriage would have to be post¬ poned. The doctor became suspicious and came to the place, and when he got there he found his affianced so well aud heal'tv that she and her other charmer, to wit, Augustus driving Mintz, that they hill and were down out in the country over dale behind a spanking team of prancing steeds. He took the next train for Chester, con ideting the engagement received ar an end. Iu a day or two he a letter from Miss Little, sating that he hid had treated her shamefully, and if he waited until she returned from the rifle that she would have complied with her part of the agreement. Atkinson paid no attention to this letter, and very soon he received other letters from the imme¬ diate family of Miss Little saying being that Miss Florence was greatly and hurt at and jilted by the doctor, to e me see her at once. They became engaged again, and on the 12th of February last they were married. created Of course the marriage of tne belle a great stir, and was heralded far and wide—so far and so wide that Augustus Mintz heard. Thereupon Mr. Mintz went out in the country and brought Rev. Mr. Carter, and both made the statement that on the first day of February last, when Mintz and Miss Little were out riding, that they had been married by Rev. Car¬ ter, and that the mairiage was to have been kept a profound Mintz became secret of for two years, until age. v\ hile the doctor and bride were regal¬ ing themselves at breakfast at the Char¬ leston hotel the newspaper containing the statement of Mintz was brought in. The bridegroom was quick in discover¬ ing that Mintz laid claim to his wife. The paper was passed to Miss Little, and she bitterly denied that she had marriedMintz, and said it was a jealous lie he had told on her because she would not marry him. He was settling down to the belief that Mintz and Carter were liars, when all at once Miss Little confessed to the doctor that she had really been married to Mintz on the day they were out riding. Atkin has published a card giving these facts, and “earnesily hopes that a gener ous publie and a kind providence will deal lightly with the poor, unfortunate lady.” ON THE BRINK. The Very Lntrst News of tlie Condition of Emperor Ere.t erick of tier many. The North German Gazette, of Berlin, says: The emperor’s fever slightly abated. His appetite is improved, and be expressed himself as feeling better. The discharge of pus was lessened, and he suffered no respiration piin. He swallowed unim¬ freely and his was peded. A special edition of the North German Gazette, says: Although the emperor’s reit was frequently broken by fits of coughing and expect iratiou. he enjoyed intervals of quiet sleep, which, tiken in conjunction with a slight abate¬ ment of his fever, had a strengthening spirits. effect and put him in better Despite his small appetite, he chiefly took a milk. fa r qumtity of nourishment, The doctois attending the emp ror de¬ clare that the published with descriptions the of the emperor’s sufferings, excep¬ tion of the difficu ty in breathing, are exaggerated, He suffers from no local pain whatever. Ctiarlottenburg was full of visitors. An endless stream of car¬ riages moved to and fro between Berlin and Charlo’.tenburg all day. Prince Bismarck repotted to the emperor the arrangements made for the reception of Queen Victoria, aud discussed the ques¬ tion as to who shall represent the emperor duiing the queen’s stay. A number of flower girls appeared Acting at Charlottenburg, selling violets. on a sudden impulse, the crowd bought the whole stock, and sent them as a pres¬ ent to the emperor, who was delighted with the gift. The emperor recently summoned his old deaf servant Becker, who is now a pensioner, and after shak¬ ing h inds with him, wrote on a slip of paper: “We are both unfortunate. You cannot hear, and I cannot speak. But I am much more unfortunate than you.” The old servant was deeply moved, and reverently kissed the emperor’s hands. It is stated that the financial ar¬ rangements witti reference to Emperor William's estate have been concluded and that each of Emperor Frederick’s daugh¬ ters wi’l receive 3 , 000,000 marks, and Prince Henry an estate of the same value. A Tourist's Cable Code. Suggustions for a geographical cable code for American tourists: Mother has left for home—Marseilles. Were you acquainted with her?— Genoa? Charley is very ill—Carlsbad. He is no good—Homburg. brother’s daughter—Nice. She is my It is impoitant, you should leave at ance—Moscow. Mother is not here, but—Par is.— Pittsburg Chronicle. SOUTHERN GOSSIP. BOILED DOiVS FACTS AND FAN¬ CIES Interestingly stated. Accidents on I, a ml and on Sen-New Enter priscs-Suicides—Religious, Teiuperanse and Social Manors. A Baptist Ci invention met at Bruns¬ wick, Ga., represtnting nearly 300,000 white and colored communicants. The jury returned a verdict of “not guiLy” iu lhe case of Col. Hamilton tried lor the murder of Editor Gambrell, at Jackson, Miss. Col. J. Quitman Marshall has been ap¬ pointed secretary of si ate of South Caro linn by Gov. Richardson, vice, W. Z. Leitner, decea-ed. The entire force of laborers employed in construction of a railroad from M inton to YVilkesboro, N. C., struck for an in¬ crease of 25 per cent in wages. A bund of counterfeiters has appeared .of in Chattanooga, Tenn., aud a number business men have been taken in by them. The coin is made in imitation of both gold and silver process. At Boyce’s Station, La., a locomotive engine turned over, instantly killing George Woodward, fireman. 0. F. Brownell, engineer, was badly scalded, and died five hours afterwards of his in juries. The Savannah, Ga., police on the strength of a telegram from Augusta, ar¬ rested by mistake, Charles Burton Chad wiok, the well-known theatrical agent, and a suit against the authorities has been started. On opening the grave of S. O. Gillett, in the A.ugusta, Ga., cemetery, the body was found turned to stone, The face was clean-shaven when the remains were buried, but it was found a beard several inches long had grown since. The Shiloh section of Sumter county, S. C., is very much excited over the prevalence of hydrophobia. Fifteen rabid dogs have been killed already, and it is believed the disease has extended to other dogs, and perhaps other animals in the neighborhood. Edward Cossar, a colored man of con¬ siderable wealth, of Sardis, Miss., re¬ turned to his home unexpectedly found Rev. Sidney Hubbler, pastor of the Methodist church, and principal of a school, at his home. Not being sat sfied with the minister’s explanation, he shot him in the head, killing him instantly. There was a large fire at Wadcsboro, N. C., which burned the Grand Central Hotel, livery stable, two stores and one dwelling. The fire starte d in the hotel aud spread so rapidly that the guests had to run for their lives. The hotel was new, of brick, three stories high, with new furniture. Most of the latter was burned. Union City, Tenn., was thrown into the wildest excitement by the explosion of the engine in the bathrooms of Jerry Johnson, a barber. Three men, Sara Ford, a wh.te man, who was waiting for a bath, Jerry Johnson, attended the proprietor, the and a colored boy who to bathrooms, were badly but not seriously hurt. The amount of Ex-Treasurer Tate’s de¬ falcation, of Kentucky, with all credits made, is now placed at $150,000. It is learned that just before having, Tate sent a negro porter to the bank for a large sum, saying he wanted to pay a school claim. As no school claims were due, this is more evidence that he took with him $70,000 to $100,000. A young man named Shoemaker, was bitten Iasi December by a hound pup in St. Matthews, S. C. The wound was on the back of the hand, and appeared Shoe¬ to be a very sli Jit one. A few days ago maker began to feel pains running up his arm, which soon s iffened that, side of his neck, and then the other. From that time until h s death he suffered from vio¬ lent convulsions. 'lhe jail at Plymouth, Washington county, N. C., was burned. A n itorious negrowbo was in jail endeavored to es¬ cape bv burning hi* way out. The fire became uncontrollable, the alarm building, was irivcn, but too late to save the It requi-ed hard work to save the pns oners from burning. The jailer was out of town, and citizens had to break the jail open to get them out. It is reported at Birmingham, Ala., than various towns and counties in Miss issippi have voted a total of $180,000 in subscription to extend the Georgia Pa cific Railroad from Columbus west to the spooM. oqi gntqoanas uooq o.uiq sp.'Ki'j Sutino jo suazrjpoqj, ‘Xanoutux cgf jnoqu - 3 s ‘jiiddadinQ paimra oigan uxmi ojnpw n pmi uosdiuoq /anr [ p.uiniii u poqqor put; dn man Unaqqot WuSiq t.tv ‘spoon 10 uwoj aqi anon ppiq o.vn poipra -moo uou, po,,snm L nozop u iCpuoooji ’ D 1 sifoAjns uaaq suq .Gr.nimpord^oqa , aua\ jo . y pun * 9 ono po.moos m 3 -oq |[W 5 |JO.» pun ‘uoisuajxo aqj ppnq oj papioop Apnrup) oAiiq ttiooipo oqj, joaii for the masked highwavmen, and say they will ham' them to the nearest limb if they succeed in finding them. Aromant , . c we ,„* g ‘ *},„ Palace hotel, Coattanooga „ T , in • . F. Sim-', of Conyers, Ga., am c in Chattanooga, two or three days ago. Mrs. Berth Briton, of Memphis arrived —lateron, the two tvere married. I wenty years-ago they were lovers at Conyers, Ga., their former home. A strange mis unders anding arose between them, and they bee tine c stringed. Bolh married, and each having lost their companion, the o!d love flame was renewed, which terminated in marriage. m The --—rt——. elds about 450 gal- . average cow y Ions of milk ayear, giving a total of <xk Ihewhokeounlr ? 8 ? WORLD AT LARGE. PEN PICTURES PAINTED BY A CORPS OF ABLE ARTISTS. Wbat U (loin* on Nortli, Knst anil West nnd Across iDtr Water—Tlf© Coming; Eu¬ ropean Ktoruu Arknah S. Abell, founder of the Bal¬ timore, Md., Nun, died in his 82d year. Earthquake tremors were felt at dif¬ ferent points in the province of Quebec. The chief clerk of the treasury of Greece has been arrested for embezzling 5,000,000 francs of the public funds. All the indications are that a revolu¬ tion may be looked for in France nt anj moment. Gen. Boulauger is the idol of Paris. An avalanche has destroyed fifty and me¬ tres of railways between Gosscnsana Schellonberg, on the queen’s route to Berlin. An, explosion occurred in St. Helen colliery, Workington, England. and several Seven teen persons were killed were injured. Minister Pendleton, Who was stricken down at his post of duty at the court of Berlin with apoplexy, is on (he mend. It will be a long time however, before he will be able to go on duty. Rear-Admiral Charles Stewart Boggs, United States Navy, a brave officer who was familiarly known as “Vanina Boggs” because his crew fought so well during the War, died at Bruuswick, N. J. Dr. Cornelius R. Agnew died in New York. He was one of the consulting physicians in Mr. Conkling’s case when the trouble in his ear developed. He died from peritonitis, for which no cause has been a signed. He was an eminent specialist on diseases of the eye and ear. “Acute alcoholism” was the doctor’s certificate in the case of the death of little Willie McConnell, the seven-year old son of a foundrymun of Ban Fran¬ cisco, Cal. Wihie and a playmate found a quart bottle of strong whisky while i hey were playing alone in the house. Willie drauk fully one-linlf the contents. Fire at Palo Alto, Cal., burned a portion of the stables of Senator Leland Stanford. The following horses were roasted to death : Clifton Bello, Rexford, Emma Robertson, Troubadour, Lowell and Howard-Norlaine, which has the fastest trotting record for a yearling others will in the world. Two or three probably die. The loss will reach $200, 000 . The Egyptian cotton plants are in a very advanced and healthy condition, owing to an unusually hot March. In lower Egypt 15 per cent and la upper Egypt 60 per cent more land is under cultivation than in 1887. Large districts have been sown with Mitafifi seed, which yields 50 per cent more than Ashmouni. ‘With a fair good season a very large crop is expected. At a meeting of the Central labor bu reau in New York, it was resolved to or¬ ganize a vigilance committee in each of the twenty-four assembly districts in the cilv to carry on the boycott against the pool beer. Upon motion of the building trades section the secretary was in¬ structed to ask President Cleveland to dismiss Collector Magone for permitting eighteen marble worker^, who were im¬ ported under contract from Italy, to lund at Castle Garden. The first successful strike of the season was inaugurated by ffie journeymen bak at Chicago, Ill. The strikers were able to show that 150 of 320 union. employes had signed the terms of the This means that in addition to recognizing the men’s organization, which the bos d had announced their intention of smashing, the signers give up the project of insti¬ tuting an employment agency of their own, through which to secure men not belonging to unions. A Snowbound Bridal Couple. A very affectionate couple , with a new ly married air were among the passen Ufa on one of the snowbound Central Hudson trains the other day. when ihey the Beeped to be rather pleased ^ hours, and they settled down jg or for a qu5et ckat on t j le sofa , n one end jj K , drawing-room. It was all very we ]j f or a time, but even love is not a preventative of hunger, and after five or six hours they began to lose interest in everything except the problem of food distribution. They sat in gloomy silence for two or three hours more, when a kind-hearted passenger informed them that they would probably have to remain where they were two or three days without prospect of eating. Then the pretty J bride cried just enongh to make her eyes and nose red, and said g ^ e gL© “was home with mo ther.” The wedding tour might have ended with a scene in a divofee court had not a foraging party just then brought in a limited supply of edibles. The groom gave his better half the larger half of a small piece of cranberry pie which they obta j ne d ; and she was so overpowered him with by t j, e generosity that she forgave much first & i lear ty kiss without so as „j f anc ing around to see if anybody scrupulous- was o 0 ijj nf r a practice both had j observed during the early part of the *__. bany Journal. GOT THE KEG - sharp Portland, Maine, constable opened J a cement barrel on suspicion. He f uBd k cked solidly with W(t d "as and ia tlje middle of the barrel a twenty-gallon keg of whi-key. NO. 9. GRANDMOTHER S COTTAGE DOOR, In the fair, fresh mornings years ago, When the world was good to see, When earth seemed a little heaven below. And youth was a joy to me; When friends were real and love was tru< And life was sweet to the core, What beautiful morning glories grew At grandmother’s cottage door I I can smell the fragrance of rose3 red, And of mint as the soft winds pass, While the dew like a web of jewels is spread All over the crowding grass. The pinl: sends love in her fragrant way, And the robins chirp as of yore, When the morning glories in rich array Clnng close to the cottage door. The cottage was old and sma!! and quaint, A picture without and within; . The coating of age was its only paint; And moss hid its shingles thin; Its windows twinkled under the eaves, With the laughter of light they wore, And the morning glories with dancing leave* Laughed back from the cottage door. And grandmother, too, like her house was old, But the burdens of love and care Had changed the dims of her life to gold. Until she was angel fair; T.ii-n the glories, her heart, at the morning: hour, Unclosed to the sad and the poor, She was symbol and queen of the daint , flower That grew at her cottage door Oh! many and many a year, the sod Has greened over grandmother's grave; She went like a little child to God— Her soul was so puro and brave; But I know though heaven’s gardens be fat to view She remembers the days of yore, And the morning glories she loved that grew Round the dear old cottage door. —Mary A. Dennison, in New York Graphic. PITH AND POINT. An innovation—A hotel serenade. A cheap garment—A coat of white¬ wash. Joe Cook says he would rather live among Sioux than in Sioux city. Ho can be easily Siouxted. — Graphic. A poet wants to know “where the fleecy clouds are woven.” In the airloom, of course .—Burlington Free l*ress. We regret to learn that the Chicago Anarchists have disbanded, We h ave always thought they should hang' to¬ gether .—Philadelphia Press. Many a man goes down under the slings and arrows of an outrageous for tune, because if hit by one of the arrows he fills up with the slings.— Picayune. The candidate’s boomlet now bulgingly boometh, buzzeth the beggarly bee; And bashfullv "his humnieth In the bulge of bonnet it busily sounding A tong like the sob of the sad sea. With microbes iu the drinking water, is tyrotoxicon in ice cream, malaria water melons, Bright’s disease in beer and paralysis in iced tea, wherewithal may the thirsty soul refresh itself? After a midnight lunch of mince pie, a citizen complained of horrid dreams, in which he was chased by pirates. “Mince pirates, probably,” calmly sug¬ gested his wife.— Youth’s Companion. Mr. Waldo—“So you don’t eare for poetry, Miss Breezy?" Miss Breezy— “No; I acquired a great distaste for it in early life." Mr. Waldo—“Indeedl How so?” Miss Breezy—“Parsing Mil ton’s ‘Paradise Lost .’”—New York Bun. Before the wedding day he vows and protests that his dearest care will be her happiness, and that there is no sacrifice too great for him to make to secure her comfort. Thiee months after they are married she has to tack the blankets to the side of the bed to keep him from roll¬ ing himself up in all the clothes.— Neio York Mo cury. Teacher (in loud tones)—“What is your name?” Boy (in a week voice)— “Johnny Wells, sir.” “How old are yoa, John Wells.” “Twelve years old, sir.” “Now, John, tell me who made this grand and glorious universe?” “Don't know, sir.” “What, twelve years old and don’t know who made this noble sphere! James Smith go and cut me a whip.” The birch is brouglit and held over the trembling boy. In thunder tones the rigid disciplinarian demanded: “Now, tell me who made this great world we live in?” In a tearful voice Johnny answered, “I did, sir, but I won’t do it again.” An Abundance of Glasses. Some forms wh cli human eccentricity takes arc dectdedly amusing and instroc tive, too. It is somewhat rare, however, to find mental eccentricity combined with and wedded to physical infirmity, There is an old gentleman in this city, who, at the age of seventy-five, rejoices in remarkably good eyesight, which is, however, subject to the weakness of age. It is peculiar that, although he can see clearly enough to read his newspaper without any kind of artificial aid in the early morning, as the day wears on he needs increasingly stronger assistance from his glasses. Instead, however, of having a properly graded series of lenses, he is satisfied at 8 a. in. with none,, at 10 a. m. with a pair of pin cenez, at noon a second pair third placed pair in front of these, at 2 p. m. a are fi xet j on the nose and held by long arms over tlje enrs a t 4 p. m . another pair are added and held in place by a ribbon sur r0 unding the head, and when the gas is lighted the old gentlman quietly holds another pair of “nippers” before the rest ‘ him glance the “latest t0 eDab] to over quotations” in the evening papers.— Y<nk Press.