Newspaper Page Text
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
Cacial Amenities in a City P/ade Pa
mevj by It* Beverages.
The teacher of an intermediate
grade in the Third Ward school was
lowing of?” her pupils before a
mir ! or of visitors.
[ n*!I.n* ... <••«« , w. on ,. th*
floor aid one email, redheaded boy
var given the word “introduction.”
He paused, twisted his lips,
stared, and then in a faltering way
spelled it correctly, and seemed
Tc';. r r surnri- -! that he had done it.
“Do you know what the word
means? - ’ asked the teacher.
“NVrn.”
Von don't know what
introduction mean*?
“Xccm.”
«TV , now. HI explain it to you.
Does vour mother ever have ca.l
- •*
ers;
3 Y«*m I*’
3 WelL now, suppose that two
;r. - tame to cad or your mother,
Y m-tner knows one of the
) bn : doesn’t know the other.
S i ts never seen the lady and
r ' even, know her name. Now,
bow WO II ;!d she become acquainted
with 1 his ladv and find out her
nam
She’d send me out for a can of
beer,”
A- that was the correct answer
the teacher had nothing further to
say.—Milwaukee Sentinel.
Both In Hard Luck.
t
-n
h‘>- A\
wm 5.S
7 ^ i
&
"
•*-r ft \
\
Stout Gent—I haven’t an appe¬
tite for anything.
Lean Gent—An’ I ain’t got any¬
th.’;: for a bloomin’ appetite.
After the Reception.
B-xter—What’s the matter be
tv. f<}. you and Mrs. BrownstufF, my
d • vr ? You were introduced to her,
were vou’not?
M . B.—Yes, but I had scarcely
f word when she went off vexed
about tomething.
Mr. B.—What did you say to her?
2Ir? B.—I simply asked her if
tlie tar.ned very much.
21 r. Ik—Oh, my dear! You did
put vour foot in it, sure enough.
Her husband runs a tanner}’.
His Mission.
“It is your aim, of course,” said
his intimate friend, “to make people
thin.;?”
“No,” replied the popular lectur¬
er in a burst of confidence, “my
business is to make people think
tl»ev think, or, rather, to make them
think I think they think.”— Chi¬
cago Tribune.
One Great Adventure.
“What is the advantage of know¬
ing a foreign language, anyway?”
demanded the aggressively Ameri¬
can woman.
“Why, it enables you to say un¬
kind things about a great many peo¬
ple right in their presence,” an¬
swered the wise guy.—Chicago Post.
Her Share.
lovely “Cdi, Lucy, where did you get that
new hat?” asked Mrs. l’os
dick of Mrs. Kecdiek.
“Frank gave me the money t®
buy it. It’s my share out of a for¬
tunate investment he made with a
21 r. John Pott.”—Detroit Free
Press.
But It Avail«d Him Not.
Nurvy— wilfyou Say, old man, lend me a
hundred, ?
Turvy—What! Why, you must
have lost youf senses.
Nurvy—Not all of them. I’ve
still pot the sense of touch, you see.
—Philadelphia Press.
How He Knew.
Huiks—He’s a poet 1 See his
bumps?
Jinks—Arc you a phrenologist?
Hinks—No; I mean the bumps
he’s got going down editorial stair
ee on bU tjead,- T Ofcica;»<? News.
A MORGAN INTERVIEW.
J. Pierpont Morgan makes hi»
boast that he never lias ljeen inter
viewed, and declares that in the last
seven rear? but one interviewer ever
has been able to approach him. This
v&3 on a resent tr.ptoh.rope U...(lon
, representative of the
Time? would not take No lor ins
answer.
“Tell The Time? man my time is >
worth £10 a minute,” at last said
Morgan. he’ll take
“T K e Time- man savs
two minutes at that/’ came back the
reply. handed Mr. Mor
The intervkvrer
; ;m £20. talked just two minutes by
hot their watches, did all the talk
m himself and rose to go on the
li.-tant.
“Why did you want to see me?
Morgan asked in curiosity.
“On I wagered £100 that I would
interview you personally; that’s
Id's '
all,” was reply.
Morgan congratulated him on with- his
enterprise, and dismissed him
j n the third minute of his call.
When asked the other day if he
kept the £20, Morgan said, “Yes,
gnd I haven’t earned monev in a
Jon«■ time that gave me the satisfac
tion that £20 did.”
Undaunted by Majesty.
The “gillies that were a feature
of Queen Victoria’s household have
been retained by the king. 1 hese
servants have always been noted for
their faithfulness' of service and
frankness of speech. Recently the
kin?, exhausted by a long dav’s
«-ork, ordered some light rrfrteh
ment, vlucli u as brought by a gn
lie —one Macdonald.
“I think I’d like to change places
with vou, Macdonald,” said the
kin?, with a smile.
“Awin daurin’ tae theenk, vour
maw - is tv,” replied the honest Scot,
“that it takes an unco guid mon tae
be aye a gullie.” I’m ‘guid*
“Do you mean that not
enough ?” that,” answered the
“Aw’ll no say
undaunted Mac, “but awm makin’
bold tae tell your mawjusty that
you’d hauv a bitter lot tae learn.”
“You’re right, Macdonald,” was
the smiling response. “Some kings
are made, but clever gillies are born,
not made.”—London Mail.
The President’s Name.
The name of the president The is
“Kosyvelt,” not “Roosefelt.”
indiscriminate pronunciation of the
president’s name by the hundreds
of callers who throng the White
House these days has resulted in an
official and authorized statement of
the correct way in which the name
of the chief executive should be pro¬
nounced. This statement an¬
nounces: “The accent is on tlie
first of three syllables, and this first
syllable is pronounced with the long
Bound of the letter V as in the
word ‘rose and not aa m the word
goose, d he nr>t letter e is also
sounded, and the entire name is
Spoken as though it were written
Tlosvvelt. ? Pt The statement con
eludes that all other ways of pro
nounciug the president’s' variety, name, of
which there is a great are
incorrect.
The Czar'a Tartar Servants.
The Tartar servants of the czar
commanded the respect of the
maitres d’hotel at Compiegne. They
only drank milk, water or tea, were
sober in eating and quite as faith
ful to the czar as the dog that was
always with him. Thev are sons of
the ants’were prophet. The Orthodox serv
too fond of the juice of
the vine and of more potent bevor
ages. There are, a Russian tells
me, 900,000 Tartars in Russia. No
Russian can obtain a situation as
servant for which a Tartar com
petes. Thev are extremely pae'e quick
and handv. Their nimble would
alone enable one to distinguish
them from Russians, who have a
heaw , waddling gat .
lrutu.
Molten Wood.
Molten wood is reported a3 a new
invention discovered by M. de Gall,
inspector of forests at Lemur,
France. Bv means of dry distilla
tion and high pressure the escape of
; developing gases is prevented, there
ST ifteHooUn/ TZ
ma, s assumes the character of coat.
yet without showing ait nee of the
organic structure of that mineral.
This new body is bard, but can be
; Shaped and polished at will; is im
pervious to water and acids and is
a perfect electrical nonconductor. —
I J,oq4on House. , .....
WEEKLY - UA>
' Two Circus Feat*.
«a great deal of unnecessary sym¬
pathy i 3 wasted upon the circus man
‘ spangled
w i l0 stands up proudly in
tights and lets a not her circus man
bring down a sledge hammer upon a
rock placed tin n Ids head witli force
enough to break it. says an old emeus
-”^ s ’ n ' (I ca!i , {or „ 0 gerat
rtn .' nh , jr cndlIr; „„.,, r „™ the era
U - VVA , )f tte stJ ., nir n , ;)n is put an iron
contrivance weighing al) 0 «t 150 pounds
an( j provided with cushions lvoth above
an ,j where it rests upon the head. A
pretty good sized rock is used, and the
hammer is a heavy one, so you can see
that the blow that cracks the rock is
really a serious one. But most of the
force is taken up by the rock and the
rest by the iron and cushions, while
the only sensation felt by the subject
is a gentle tap. the
‘•No more difficult than this is
act whereby tlie hero of the canvas
tent permits a reck to be broken upon
his chest with a blow from a sledge
hammer. So long as the subject s back
Js ^ ee ® UfI <ioes not ri ^ t
1 rii^^lu.snation:
J Take a l>oard
and , M it Ke frteIv ia T0Ur
and yt it gmartly wit p a hammer, it
j s difficult to hurt- your hand, and the
thicker the board the less the sensa
tlon. But now put your baud on the
table and hit the board. Hurts, doesn 1
it? Well it s the same with the rock
ou th(J cbesL ”
How Oar Ancestors Quarreled.
A «tudy of mediaeval rural life is apt
tbs impression that the princi
pa i part 0 f the life of the people was
spent j n quarreling or in the commis
tion or prosecution of offenses. Our
ancestors certainly were a very liti
elom- and a very disorderly people,
Therecoids teem with instances.ofmen
^ ln to houses,
p r0 secming one another for slander,
Then we have such entries as these:
"it j S ordained by common consent
that all the women of the village-must
refrain their tongues from all slander
iug.” "Thomas, s n of Robert
is fined 12 pence l •-■cause hi* wife Ag
nes beat Emma, the wife of Robert.
the tailor, acd Robert, the tailor, six
pence because bis wife Emma swore at
Agues, the wife of Thomas.’’ "It is en
joined qpon all the tenants of the vib
lage that nine of them attack any oth
ers in word or deed, with clubs or ar
rows or knives under penalty of paying
id shillings.’’
Such entries, frequently occurring. U
addition to the innumerable instance,
of individual attack, slander, pettj
theft and other immorality seem to
show a community of far from perfect
virtue.—Lippincott’s.
Italian* Love Tomatoes.
Italians more than any other people
value tomatoes, and each one that
comes to perfection is as carefully tend¬
ed as though it were an apple of-gold.
Not ouly do the housewives delight in
the fresh vegetables themselves* but,
generally speaking, those home tended
are better than any purchased at the
market, and so each one is jealously
saved to make tomatoe sauce for the
spaghetti, without which no Italian
Sunday would be Sunday. One soapbox
gardener one season sold enough toma
*«•«® give her quite . a l.ttte pm . idomt
sm . pi . lsMl t0 lo3rn tbat nmny ot tbe
p PX0S are devoted to peppers, for they
j u truth furnish much of their spice of
pfe, and even the little Italian girls
know how to stuff and cook them in a
dozen different ways that tempt the
palate.-Bostou Transcript,
Coloring: of Flowers.
A florist says that the law governing
the coloring of flowers makes a blue
rose impossible. According to this law
the throe colors red, blue and yellow
never all appear in the same species
of flowers. Any two may exist, but
never the third. Thus we have the red
and yellow roses, but no blue; red and
blue verbenas, but no yellow; yellow
and blue in the various members of
the viola fauiil Y < as Posies, for in
«“!*>• r f d ani r cl10 "'
clad ' 0 “' but 110 b,uc ’ and 80 on '
Briber Plants.
Many plant growers become annoyed
because the older leaves at the base of
J 1 their fall off. rubber This plants natural turn yellow and It
is a process.
does not indicate any defect in the
P lant - It is simply the ripening of the
which cannot be retained
loss of foliage results from the want of
roo t room, but in such cases the plants
refuse to grow.
HU First Impression.
Civil Service Examiner—What do
you kn0 w about Budapest?
Applicant For Position on roliee
Force— Budapest is tbe name of a cat
tie disease. It Is usually fatal!—Clii
MS ° ~
T|)( , fellow
dribbler wnt In a poem this morning
clltitM , ,. fV rr
Tlie Editor—What did yon do with it?
The Literary Editor - Returned it
with an inclosed slip saying. "Because
you mailed this instead of bringing it
persgpaUy,’’-i 0 aianapqlis N'ewp. . t
MULES and HOM r
stable We have and a large better addition al J
are prepared
ever to please our customers w
got a new lot of stock every U .J fJ
and the best stock that we can
and our sales are greater thaneJ
before at this time of the sea J
Every animal guaranteed to be j
representated or your money bJ
Our prices are lower than the sar If
class of stock can be bought fro]
other dealers. Everybody is invij
ed to call and see our stock am
get our prices.
Sharp & King.
urn Mrns & ms m
BUTLER BROTHERS Proprietor
MANUFACTURERS AND FINISHERS OF *-G^>
Italllae, Vermont and Geop
gia Marble.
Monuments and gravestones.
OFEVERY DESCRIPTION ESI
W . "V', Almand, ^Lg-eiit,
CONYERS, Ga»
nto fall iani. 1!r
This is the handsomest line of millinery we have e;ei
shown and we will be more than pleased to show youtb
The Beautiful Hats We Haye
Stock
And make you prices that will savi
you money.
We have a stock of hats that mu t please alL
Miss McCowen, an experienced and artistic trimmer
is with me this season and will strive to please all.
Be sure to visit us.
JtUti ^emctUkop ■
Vesting His Wit.
Charles Battell Loomis recently
gave a lecture in a little church in
Scotch Plains, where he makes his
home. Tbe subject of his lecture
was “American Hunjor.” After the
author had quoted from and criti¬
cised several so called American
humorists and had eulogized a few
that pleased him well he drew to
the close of his lecture by reading
what he called “several bits of really
exquisite humor.” When the-W
ture was over, and the author was
on his way home, a friend who had
ly: accompanied him asked interested
“By the way, Loomis, who was
rt you
gave?” °
“yy e ll PR tell vou” said the
trerg criticisms on mv Wlbam
was anvions to know whether I
really lunl any or not. I decided
to put it to a te?t TUcko ln«;t fnw
bits which sent our rural friend*
; n | 0 ST) . 1(;r „ * i «JL»»» v, (
thino^ erQ P 00r
thing., but mme own.
Cosmic Dust.
It has often bc-en claimed that a#
of nickel in dust is a s 1
presence distinguish ]
cient criterion to
of cosmic rather than of torre ®
origin. It has lately been 51 ',
that nickel is found in soot ai
h'ence that nickeliferous ^ l! ‘
he terrestrial. Gallium
found in all aluminous mineral-,
flue dusts, in manv iron w.-n
many atmospheric u.i
in soot and in. •
The Largest Warehouse
Liverpool has the bigg?' 1
house in the world. It i ; aUli
.
side the docks, and is intenocu
house the imports of tobacco
form important a part 1
so ■,
pool’s trade. The ware-‘?“- J
725V> feet in length, lb-3 fed Tbe ‘
and 124 feet 10 inches high* .
ground area h 13,300 sq ja;b ^
and the area of the svyem
174,098 square yards. lhcr
bond in Liverp ,
present in -
93,000 hogsheads of tobacco, ' ■
ing 50,000 tons, which ]- ’ duty
roughly estimated, to a cu-sv- —
Of £18^000,000,