Newspaper Page Text
July 30, 2008
On the outside looking in
Tullaybear is
kidnapped,
don’t be next
A t the end of this column, if you would like
to contact me, you can do so by e-mail at
tullaybear@bellsouth.net. I get a lot of e-
mails at that address and a majority of
them are from friends, family and others
who want to comment on this column.
Last week, all of the sudden I was not getting any e-
mails. It became obvious something was what I found
out to be dastardly wrong.
An hour-and-a-half conver
sation with my Internet
provider solved the prob
lem, or so I thought. Debbie
told me someone had prob
ably stolen my Tullaybear
password and was having
all my e-mail forwarded
to somewhere. She
couldn’t find out where
my e-mails were going
and we began the
process of changing my
password.
Then a telephone call from a friend began to unravel
the mystery. “Don, have your parents passed away?”
My immediate reply was not that I was aware fol
lowed by the question why do you ask? Then the
explanation: “I just received an e-mail from Tullaybear
saying your parents had died followed by a request to
send Tullaybear some money so you could bury them.”
He further explained that the request did come from
Tullaybear and-here’s the kicker-to send money to an
address—get ready—in South Africa! Debbie was
right, my password was stolen, compromised, and
attempted to be used for nefarious reasons.
Not only was Tullaybear kidnapped, I felt embar
rassed, humiliated and violated because some idiot
was smart enough to unravel what I assumed was a
personal, private and known-only-to-me key to com
municating.
So, here’s some advice I didn’t heed but will in the
future: change your password often and make it total
ly irrelevant to anything. Use your imagination, but
make sure you write it down and keep it in a secure
place. Just make sure you remember where you put it.
WHILE visiting with some Atlanta friends who work
for the state, the topic came up about how the state is
facing some serious budget woes. They were telling me
that it looked as if they were going to have to cut at
least 3 percent from their department’s budget with
the possibility of cuts going as high as 10-percent.
“If we have to cut much more, we are going to have
to lay-off employees,” one department head expressed.
Then on Sunday morning, the friend called express
ing frustration and confusion, telling me about the
story hitting the airwaves and on front pages in
regards to our state government adding and hiring up
to 400 people in new jobs.
Here’s my suggestion: lay-off employees due to man
dated budget cuts then hire them right back since
there is $21 billion in the state budget for about 400
jobs! Sounds logical to me but don’t forget, government
very seldom uses logic or common sense.
WHICH whopperdiddlydoodlymac has the fastest
drive-through service? The reason I bring that up, I
finally drove away from a “fast food” emporium the
other morning after, even being the only car at the
window, waiting 14 minutes for a sausage and biscuit.
Their specialty is fried chicken, obviously not sausage
and biscuits. Went across the street and got the same
order in less than five minutes with three cars in front
of me.
So, send me your vote which fast food emporium has
in your opinion the fastest drive-through service.
REALLY makes you feel good and proud when all of
Monroe County’s schools meet Adequate Yearly
Progress. My only problem is the use of the word “ade
quate.” But, I guess adequate is good enough when our
school system was the only system to meet AYP in the
middle Georgia area. Hats off to the teachers for doing
a great job.
HERE’S more evidence Monroe County and Forsyth
need to have an administrator form of government.
Through the month of June, the Forsyth/Monroe
County Building Department collected $75,739.81 in
permits for electrical, plumbing, mechanic, digging,
building and demolition. The total number of permits
issued so far this year is 221.
Here’s another reason: each and every county
employee, besides having an immediate boss, has five
other “superior” bosses who can fire the employees and
their bosses. The only way the five elected superior
bosses can be fired is to not re-elect them and have a
county administrator do the job.
TRUST me on this. You need to be at the county
commission meeting next Tuesday night. From what I
hear, it is going to be business more than usual.
SUPPOSEDLY, the state appointed surveyors are to
begin work on a “new” county line in a couple of days.
Since this is going to be a major impact event, here’s
my idea: Let’s have a ribbon cutting at the point they
are to begin. Surely, at least three of the commission
ers would show up. Jump on it Chamber and let’s have
a ribbon cutting. Or, better yet, let’s have a Chamber
of Commerce Business After Hours event at the site.
Donald Jackson Daniel is the founder and former
publisher of The Reporter and he can still be contacted
at tullaybear@bellsouth.net.
c; Reporter ^
Around the Bend
Don’t be stupid, buckle up
M onday would
have been
Dottie’s 34th
birthday. I
cannot imag
ine her being 34. She will for
ever be 23. She will forever be
young and beautiful, frozen in
time as she was on her 23rd
birthday.... her
last birthday.
She had just
given birth to
her son a few
weeks before
and yet she
looked like a
super model. I
always hated her
for that. She
ate like a
teenage boy,
but never
gained an
ounce. I have secretly
prayed Michelle will be
blessed with Dottie’s
metabolism just as she has
been blessed with the
same long legs and beauti
ful hands.
I would love for Dottie to
see Michelle now, how
she’s grown into such a
lovely young woman. I
miss her every day.
DOTTIE was my sister-
in-law and my very best
friend. She was killed in
1997 in a car accident. She
was not wearing a seat-
belt. So many times I wish
I could go back to that day
and tell her to make sure
to keep it on. She was only
a few blocks from home.
The baby was crying in the
back seat. He had dropped
his pacifier, I imagine.
Dottie unfastened her
seatbelt just long enough
to reach him. However, she
ran off the road, over cor
rected and the car flipped
several times, ejecting her
and killing her.
It’s been almost 11 years
but the pain is still fresh.
Life goes on.
It does. I know. But, it’s
hard without her.
I try to find answers.
Why could God allow such
a wonderful per
son to be taken
who brought so
much sunshine to
this dreary
world?
I have come to
accept the fact
that He knows
what He’s doing.
That’s all I
can do. . . .
have faith.
IF ANY
good can come from
Dottie’s death, I believe
that maybe people will
realize the importance of
wearing a seatbelt. They
save lives. . . period.
I have preached this
before, but it bears repeat
ing over and over and over
and over . . . until everyone
finally gets it.
If you think I will drop it,
just ask my kids. I can lec
ture with the best of them.
Seatbelts save lives. I
was in a car crash almost
identical to Dottie’s just a
couple of years earlier and
walked away without a
scratch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. . . I
know. . . lots of folks die
anyway, even if they have
on a seatbelt. I have heard
that argument over and
over again. It’s lame.
Most of the people who
are killed in car crashes
are not wearing a seatbelt.
. . . period.
I don’t care that your sis
ter’s aunt’s cousin’s
friend’s boyfriend works
for the Twiggs County
Sheriff’s Office and heard
about some guy who had
his seat belt on and got
trapped in the car and
died. Those instances are
rare, if not totally untrue.
Seatbelts save thousands
more lives than they take.
Probably tens of thou
sands.
So, just because you
think there’s a slight itty-
bitty little tiny chance that
you will become stuck in
the seatbelt, you’re willing
to take a chance of being
ejecting (the number one
way people die from car
wrecks) rather than buck
ling up?
That is sad and selfish.
I KNOW that Dottie did
not mean to hurt her fami
ly. She was trying to help
her son. There is no doubt
in my mind, she would
have done anything for
any of us. I just wish she
would have kept her seat-
belt on.
School starts next week
and hundreds of teenage
drivers will be on the road
in the mornings and after
noons. Their minds and
eyes will be on everything
but the road. Several times
I have sat in the MP park
ing lot and watched kid
after kid drive away with
out a seatbelt on. The
Forsyth Police Department
has vowed to crack down
on this. I have seen police
officers all over town this
summer stopping people
for “not coming to a com
plete stop” at a stop sign.
Even though I was one of
the ones they stopped, I
welcome their presence.
The cop who pulled me
over was very understand
ing and let me go with a
warning and a promise to
always stop completely at
the stop sign near the rail
road tracks by Pace and
Pace. (For the record, I did
slow down to almost a stop
and looked both ways, but
didn’t completely stop as
the law requires). He may
have very well saved my
life. Now, I am more atten
tive to stop signs and
make sure I stop complete
ly every time.
The key is consistency. If
we let our guard down, it
could be disastrous. It
takes just one wrong turn.
One distraction. One jerk
of the wheel to take a life.
I hope the cops are just
as diligent and consistent
when it comes to pulling
kids over for not wearing a
seatbelt this fall. The law
says that they can stop
drivers for not wearing a
seatbelt or if others aren’t
restrained. They do not
have to have any other
reason.
It only takes a few stops
to make believers out of
them darn teenagers.
Show them we care.
BUCKLE UP. Don’t let
anyone ride with you
unless they are buckled
up.
The life that may be
saved could be your own
sister’s life, your mother’s,
your best friend’s.
Dottie would be proud to
know she helped in some
way. That’s just the way
she was.
Gina Herring may be
reached at 478-994-2358 or
ginaherring@bellsouth.net
There’s hope for difficult marriages
O ften when writing this
column I cover
topics that
address the nega
tive effects of
family breakdown and trends
that spell trouble for our cul
ture. It’s helpful to under
stand them to know what
kinds of solutions are needed
to address the problems.
More importantly, however, is
that doing so reminds us that
there is hope change can
occur - that something can
be done to make things right.
Hope gives us a reason to
try harder and keep moving
forward, despite tough chal
lenges. Hope can make the difference
between failure and success. Hope is
essential whenever we face difficult
circumstances. That’s true as we
look at broad cultural trends, and it’s
true in our own families and mar
riages, especially when things are
difficult.
Divorce, as you know, is rampant
in our culture. But considering that
two-thirds of divorces end low-con
flict marriages, it’s likely that many
could have been saved. One study
discovered that 86 percent of couples
who were unhappy in their marriage
reported being happier five years
later. In fact, 77 percent of very
unhappy married people described
themselves as “very happy” or “quite
happy” five years later. In other
words, a bad marriage doesn’t
always remain that way.
So why don’t more marriages last?
Perhaps because of the culture of
surrender that exists today. That’s
not to say that a divorced person
reading this did not put a great deal
of effort into saving his or her mar
riage. But these days, surrender
(versus working through difficult
times to save a marriage) seems
more common than ever. An escape
hatch mentality, fueled in part by
widespread cohabitation, often
results in less energy being put into
saving a relationship.
The good news is that a marriage
can be brought back from brink of
divorce to a place of restoration and
flourishing. It happens often.
Russell and Celena were divorced
in March 2004. Two years later both
of them were involved in
new relationships. Russell
was engaged to another
woman and Celena was
dating another man. In
January 2006 Celena was
diagnosed with breast
cancer. When Russell
heard about what his ex-
wife was facing, his heart
went out to her. He chose
to go and take care of his
wife and the children
while she recovered from
her surgery. Over time he
realized that he needed to
be with his family.
Working together their
relationship was restored. They got
reengaged and then remarried on
July 15, 2006 - exactly five months
from the day his wife had surgery
for cancer. Russell described the
wedding as “the biggest party ever.”
Jonathon and Elaine met in college
and were married. It didn’t take
long, however, until his secret addic
tion to pornography took its toll on
their relationship. After multiple
affairs his secret became too hard to
conceal. Elaine left. During the
months of separation that followed
Jonathan hit rock bottom. But it was
during that time he found help for
his addiction through his church and
a support group. Nine months later
he and Elaine renewed their mar
riage vows to one another in the
same church where their wedding
was held.
Five years into Cathy and Bob’s
marriage the death of her best friend
sent her into a grief that drove a
wedge between her and her hus
band. Seeking solace she turned to
alcohol, prescription medication and
eventually a three-year affair with
her husband’s best friend. She even
tually ended the affair and admitted
her unfaithfulness to her husband. A
few days later he too admitted hav
ing relationships with other women.
Amazingly, the days that followed
began a time of healing for both of
them. Through years of counseling
and accountability with their pastor
the couple’s marriage was restored.
Twenty-five years later Cathy and
Bob are helping other couples who
have experienced difficulties in mar
riage.
These, and other true stories I
have heard, show broken marriages
can not only be saved, but made bet
ter than ever. It just took hardship
to reach that point.
Most of us want a transcendent
relationship with one other person.
That is, we long for a connection
that transcends purely physical
desires; that can endure dramatic
changes in health, income and even
passion. Most of us want to know
that someone will love and be faith
ful to us even at our worst, and even
when feelings wane - a connection
with someone else in a way that is
bigger, better and more fulfilling
than any other relationship. For
most of us, marriage is an expression
of this desire.
But getting a relationship to that
point isn’t easy. There is a lot that
you can do to improve the health of
a marriage: work on communication
skills, spend time with one another,
get advice on controlling your
finances, and improve the romance
in your relationship. All of these are
essential to the health of a marriage.
A relationship isn’t transcendent
because of feelings; it is transcen
dent because of overcoming and
experiencing something difficult
together. Russell and Celena had to
transcend two very difficult things:
divorce and cancer. They did it and
their marriage today is stronger
than ever.
There is hope, even for a broken
marriage. Change is possible. It is
certainly my wish that many more
married couples, faced with divorce,
will do everything they can to tran
scend difficult times so that they too
can have a marriage that is better
than they ever could have imagined.
Randy Hicks is president of the
Georgia Family Counci, a non-profit
organization that works to strength
en and defend the family in Georgia
by equipping marriage advocates,
shaping laws, preparing the next
generation and influencing culture.
For more information, go to
www.georgiafamily.org, (770) 242-
0001, stephen@gafam.org.
By
Randy
Hicks