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Declare among the nations, and publish, and set up a standard;
publish, and conceal not. - Jeremiah 50:2
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2019 winner: Best Layout and Design
2019 winner: Best Serious Column - Don Daniel
ON THE PORCH by Will Davis
DRAWING ON THE NEWS by Gary Varvel
Back-handed compliments
I was talking to a Monroe County public official on
Monday and we were laughing about back-handed
compliments.
“You’ve done a lot better than I thought you would!” a
friend had told him about his job performance recently. “I guess
they didn’t expect much out of me.”
“Oh I get that too,” I replied. “Someone
told me the other day that they met me
in person and were pleased to learn that I
wasn’t really THAT bad”
I cannot really complain. I’ve had battles
with foot-in-mouth disease for much of
my life. I was trying to make conversa
tion with a very pregnant woman before
Sunday school when we lived in Sylvania.
“Did you get that big before having
your other children,” I blurted out.
Several women in the class spit their
coffee through their noses while I
tried to remove my loafer from my
mouth.
Here are some other conversation starters and back-handed
compliments that will make you the best conversationalist in your
circles.
• “Your haircut makes your nose look smaller.”
In other words, your nose is a really big honker.
• “That’s a beautiful photo of you. I didn’t recognize you at first.”
And you’re really not beautiful.
• “You’re not as dumb as you look”
And you look pretty dumb.
• “I love how you just don’t care what anyone thinks of you.”
You’re a real slouch!
• “I don’t care what others say about you. You’re alright in my
book.”
Everybody hates you, but not me!
• “Your Instagram makes you seem so fun!”
The keyword being “seem”.
• “I didn’t expect you to get the job - Congratulations!”
Wow, the company must have been desperate.
• “You’re so charming when you make an effort.”
But when you’re just yourself, you’re a real bore.
• “Those earrings are so nice. My grandma would love them.”
You are so fashionable — if it was 1967.
• “Your house feels so cozy and lived in.”
Nice shack you got here. I hope it’s paid for.
• “You’re pretty... on the inside.”
The outside? Not so much.
• “You might not be the prettiest, but you’re definitely the
funniest!”
What you lack in appearance (and you lack a lot), you make up
for in wit.
We laugh at these conversational missteps because most of us
have probably made one, or else (heaven forbid) one has been
made to us. But I imagine it’s only going to get worse.
With the advent of social media, social skills seem to be declin
ing, especially among young people. We’ve all watched a group
of teenagers, or adults for that matter, seated around a table at a
restaurant where each one is looking at their phone instead of
making conversation.
Social media has made us the most anti-social generation ever.
Do people even have parties anymore? But there have been a
series of articles in major media publications recently that have
wondered if pickleball, of all things, might help reverse the trend
toward isolation.
“Can pickleball save America?” New Yorker magazine asked in
July 2022.
“Can pickleball save democracy” the Chicago Triune wondered
last September.
“Pickleball raises our social capital,” the Washington Post an
nounced last August. “That’s what America needs.”
Indeed our church has a thriving pickleball group, and we
enjoyed the fellowship and fun. And then my wife pulled a disc
playing pickleball and wound up needing back surgery. OK,
maybe shuffleboard will save us, I thought.
But on Sunday night a friend and I went to the new Mary
Persons tennis/pickleball courts to play tennis, which is clearly
superior to pickle ball. But I saw something that encouraged me.
There were dozens of young people, kids from Mary Persons and
Monroe County, boys and girls, taking turns playing pickle ball.
Some of them even — seriously, listen to this — some of them
even put the phones down to talk to their friends. Yes, it happens!
Young people relating to one another in way that doesn’t involve
Apple or Verizon! You love to see it.
As we were leaving, one of the kids told me that I was a pretty
decent tennis player — for my age. Hey kid, I replied, get back on
your phone and shut up. LOL.
is published every week by The Monroe County Reporter Inc.
Will Davis, President • Robert M. Williams Jr., Vice President
Cheryl S. Williams, Secretary-T reasurer
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Publication No. USPS 997-840
REECES PIECES by Steve Reece
Sue-happy lawyers don’t always win
A ccording to the American
Bar Association, there
are currently 1,116,967
lawyers practicing in the
United States. That equates to about
one attorney for every 300 peo
ple. More than any other country.
They’re everywhere. We see their
stern honest faces smiling down on
us from signs high above the inter
state. We watch them standing atop
18-wheelers on TV commercials
shouting out big numbers over the
roar of passing traffic. We see them
wet taking an important call about
a wreck involving an injured driver
while soaping up in the shower.
They may not be of the people but
they sure are for the people.
Every year the number of lawsuits
crowding the courts of our country is
increasing at an amazing pace. Out of
every 1,000 American citizens, nearly
75 of them are currently going through
some phase of a lawsuit. Many of
these legal confrontations are
frivolous.
Frivolous lawsuits are legal
actions that lack merit or
have no reasonable chance of
success. They typically aim to
extract financial settlements
or gain media attention
rather than truly seeking
justice. They waste time,
money, and resources
that could otherwise be
used for legitimate legal disputes. They
don’t merely clog up the court system,
they also undermine public trust in
our legal system.
There are many examples of frivolous
lawsuits, including cases where indi
viduals sue fast-food restaurants over
spilled hot coffee or for using too much
ice in their drinks. Some even sue
people for absurd reasons like claiming
they caused a UFO or Big Foot sight
ing. After the famous McDonald’s hot
coffee incident in 1992, everyone from
litigious monkeys to prison inmates
with split personalities has tried to take
advantage of our court system.
Ironically, the McDonald’s case was
unfairly thought of as an example of
frivolous litigation in the public eye.
Everyone knows that coffee is hot and
can burn you. The well-publicized
lawsuit seemed ridiculous to all that
followed it on the evening news. ABC
News called the case “the poster child
of excessive lawsuits”.
Stella Liebeck was 79 years old when
she went through an Albuquerque,
N.M. McDonald’s drive-thru sitting
in the passenger seat of her nephew’s
’89 Ford Probe and ordered a 49-cent
cup of coffee. Her nephew
pulled into a parking spot so she
could add cream and sugar, but
his Ford had no cup holders.
Liebeck instead placed the cup
between her knees and as she
was trying to pry off the plastic
lid, the entire cup of hot
liquid spilled into her lap.
Her cotton sweatpants
immediately absorbed
the 190-degree coffee and
held it tightly against her skin, giving
her third-degree burns. It was later
revealed that McDonald’s coffee at that
time was 30-40 degrees hotter than
other restaurants and that they had
received over 700 previous complaints.
Liebeck was hospitalized for eight
days. Her burns required skin grafts
and it took her two years to recover.
To help with expenses, she asked
the cooperate giant for $20,000. The
company made a counteroffer of $800.
When McDonald’s refused to raise its
offer, the elderly woman then retained
a lawyer.
A 12-person jury reached its verdict
on Aug. 18,1994, that found that Mc
Donald’s was 80 percent responsible
for the incident. They awarded Liebeck
$200,000 in compensatory damages,
which was reduced to $160,000. In ad
dition, they awarded her $2.7 million
in punitive damages. According to The
New York Times, the jurors arrived at
this figure from her lawyer’s suggestion
to penalize McDonald’s for two days
of coffee revenues, about $1.35 million
per day. The judge reduced punitive
damages for a total of $640,000. The
decision was appealed by both parties,
but they settled out of court for an
undisclosed amount. Liebeck used the
money for in-house nursing care to
help her through her few remaining
years.
And then there’s the story of the
slick high-dollar Charlotte lawyer who
back in the early 2000s bought a box
of high-dollar cigars and had them
insured against fire. Then, after the first
premium was paid, every evening for
the next few weeks he put a flame to
the tip of one of those expensive stogies
and enjoyed a nice leisurely smoke
after dinner.
When he smoked the 24th and
final cigar, he filed a claim against the
insurance company because his cigars
had been destroyed “in a series of small
fires”. The insurance company balked
at paying the claim arguing that the
cigars had been consumed in the way
in which they were intended.
The lawyer then sued the company
and won because there was not a clause
in the policy defining an “unacceptable
fire! The judge agreed and the insur
ance company coughed up $15,000. A
sum much cheaper than an appeal.
As soon as the lawyer cashed the
check, the insurance company prompt
ly called the sheriff’s office. The lawyer
was then arrested and convicted on
24 counts of arson. He was fined and
sentenced to two years in prison for the
crime of intentionally burning insured
property. Score one for justice.
Steve Reece is a writer for the Report
er and a known crime fighter. Email
him atstevereece@gmail.com.
CAROLYN S CORNER by Carolyn Martel
Let’s ketchup’ with Henry
T oday I was reading the
biography of Henry
John Heinz an American
businessman who found
ed the H.J. Heinz Company. Who
hasn’t heard of or tried
Heinz Ketchup, right? I
found Heinz to be a very
interesting person and
entrepreneur. He was
one of the first to really
understand global mar
keting and branding. He
not only saw the value
of branding, but
also how important
it was to generate
consumer confi
dence and trust by
providing superior products and
service. His philosophy was one that
we can embrace today. He said, “To
do a common thing uncommonly
well brings success.”
Heinz was a devout Methodist all of
his life and was known for treating his
employees like family. He took good
care of his workforce and provided
many amenities for them that were
unprecedented in his era. His
character was forged by his
parents, and he learned from his
mother at an early age to show
respect and concern for people.
He always tried to practice her
golden rule: “Always remember
to place yourself in the other
person’s shoes.”
EARLY IN his career
Heinz went bankrupt,
but he learned from his
mistakes, rebounded and
his business grew and prospered. It
took five years of hard work to repay
all his debt. Under bankruptcy laws
he was not obligated to do so, but he
promised his debtors that he would
John Heinz
pay them back and he kept his word.
HEINZ BECAME a millionaire
by age 52. In addition to his business
success, his good name earned him
an excellent reputation, honor and re
spect that money could not buy. Prov
erbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be
more desired than great wealth; favor
is better than sliver and gold.” The
exemplary manner of Henry Heinz
proves that it pays to be honest. You
can’t go wrong by practicing the
golden rule, and by all means be a
man of your word. These are common
godly principles that Heinz practiced
uncommonly well.
Carolyn Martel is the long-time
former advertising manager for the Re
porter who writes a weekly inspirational
column. Email her at carolynmartell @
bellsouth.net.