Newspaper Page Text
Tlji? carriage, upholstered in a blue and
p 0 ,1 Silk Damask, with lace parasol, rub
i„.r tires, steel wrtieels, anti-friction bear
ings worth $17.5(1,
jjjjjg.
The Dixie
Mosquito Net
Canopies,
For wood, brass, iron or
folding beds,
THIS WEEK
$1.39.
We take your Carpets up, clean and store them
for the summer, at a nominal cost. Have your work
done by experienced workmen.
A beautiful Ladle*’ RATTAN ROCKKF.,
of the celebrated Haywood Bros & Wake
field make, worth $3.50; this week at
$1.98.
MODERN FABLES
BY GEORGE ADE. ‘i*
Copyrighted, 1901, by Roibert Howard Rus
sell.
Once there was a Family named Til
bury U was what might be called an In
tellectual Family. Instead of lolling
sound at the Breakfast Table, calling for
more Waffles and making Cracks on what
the Morning Paper has to say about Tod
6ioan, Secretary Root, Carrie B. Nation,
Aguinaldo and otherß, the Tilburys al
ways sat up straight and kept their El
bows off the Table and talked somewhat
like the North American Review.
Old Hiram Tilbury, the Chief of the
Clan, wore black Over-Gaiters as a Mark
of extra Respectability. The Frown
which he used as a Trade-Mark kept his
Brow fluted like a Wash-Board. He was
such a Reserved and Scholarly Lawyer
that very few Clients had the Sand to
'TH A TRADE-MARK ON HIS BROW
* and break In on him. He was the
b'">k. Oar In a Club made up of top
beavc Exclusive* who seldom smiled. The
h. is of this Coterie used to write
• if ihat was too awfully Hot for an
tir '"' ar .v Publisher of Commercial In
stun ts, so they kept it under Cover and
"I it to one Another. They were given
' 1 tabling In a Front Hoorn atoeked
s-i'h Hair-Comb Furniture and a few Dln
' >' Boom chairs brought In for the time
■' and they would lead out Popular
• one after another and Rip them
R‘k and Ham-String them and
f ,lt be grand Evisceration and go Home
Hiking with Gore.
•*'' Tilbury had been a Jubbleson te
'ha flew to the Arms of the Ice-Ms
-1 in an Accidental Way aha
bi' i-d ihat a certari Ike Jubbleson had
‘ h Teamster or something during th
nl - nonary War. That act her la Go
!'he began to wear rad, white and
Banner* and Join Patriotic clubs
’'* “II rneaead up n, the Politics of
>( ip-Deug biers Of the Revolution,
i,, ‘"m* hum* after a Scrap wttti
1 M'iy Praid*gt and have to ro si
"‘••lllog Malta aad tilt the Cayloii Tea
tlrnaa ! refer# aha could coot
sufficiently re tell how eh* bod h**h
, “i lt> Ik* Jubbmsoo hod knees of
* t'uuW* ha waa breading for bar
j *“ Posterity taohoWy h# tefflltdff't
■be t . > itauiing for the Hold rets
~ ’ideal ‘‘hrld of the Tilbury# *•*
# , *"•' 'he Pumtatdbu* H had
' i.u tm until he #>•# Pi in- in*l of
SIMM*# immti V* I urn |u teiked he
*' 1 u * a h ffyUaht* y*#y oieUn U
HEADQUARTERS
For Co-Carts, Baby Carriages and Summer Furniture.
Over One Hundred Co-Carts and Baby Carriages
from the Best Makers in the Country.
This carriage, upholstered in a tan
coachman’s cloth, with white satine para
sol, rubber tires, steel wheels, anti-fric
tion bearings, worth $22.50,
$14.98.
Some folks scrub and scour their lives
away. That’s a case where ignorance is
not bliss. People who know of YANKEE
CLEANER and Its everlasting goodness
don’t do it. It displaces scouring soaps,
metal polishes, silver pastes and polish
ing soaps and powders in endless variety.
YANKEE CLEANER outdoes the best of
them at their own specialty, and at a
trifling cost. A 25c can will brighten a
home.
FOY E & ECKSTEIN.
ly. He was a hefty Proposish when he
was in a Bevy' of School-Mums, but he
Broke and went Into the Air when he
tried to Galt himself with a lot of Rude
Men. Theodore had plenty of Dignity
for the Pay he was getting.
Also there was a Daughter named Sue,
who was not annoyed by having Men
come around to ask for her, so this gave
her bushels of Time for Anti-Cigarette
Work and Dress Reform. Sue was one
of the Bold Spirits that lit out and got
so far in Advance of the Times that no
one made an effort to overtake her. She
was down on Tight Lacing and used to
say that no one could get a Corset on
her, and nobody ever tried. Sue was the
kind of Girl that looked Just as well
without one as with it. She had been
known to write these teeny little Verses
about the Wildwood and the Heather, al
though they didn’t have anything of the
kind within ten miles of their House. Sue
was so Emancipated that she used bull's
eye Spectacles and a Man’s Shoes, and
she took Long Steps when she went out
to crush the Clgarttte Evil. The Worm
of a Man who saw Susie bearing down
on him wearing a kind of a Roosevelt
Look, usually got oft the Sidewalk and
tried to hide behind a Tree-Box.
It will be understood that when Papa
Tilbury and the former Jubbleson and
Theodore and Sue got together and began
to gather a Head of Steam, they created
an Atmosphere of Culture that you could
cut with, a Knife.
Sad to relate there was a Youngest
BUB, THE REFORMER.
child named Jimmy, who carried all the
Ivar-Marks of * Hl *^ k K Bh *!T'
He did not like to wah hi*
Neck or Comb hls Hair, and he
Bucked like a Cayu*e against MttlUg In
the Library to read Essays by Hamilton
Wright Msbl*. ills mother often said
that th Lass of Heredity mutt have Jump
ed * Co* in hi* C’aae. for aha -outd n*<
under*'and how anyone with JubWaaon
Blood in Ida V*tn* could want to got oat
" , h . Alley and play will, ihe lrt*h
When Theodore and ua and h Old Fan
oU ast *t ha Table and lalhod about the
coemoanny ol Correigttva Forte*, Jimmy
.liner looked • feta Fl*la or eie* point
•d M Hi# dlsfeea it* wanted pushed ***'
at* way. A* aasor sa ■* had *n<*’d
•tarngb id fa** him b* would wwh a
(U<apa by way wf •** MJMmt
no i on, wh* •** w# Fol. "m k.
Gan* t* *ara •*** w * • m *' o ' **'***
f *r oaomaby fed M*** **
THE MORNING NEWS: SUNDAY. APRIL 28. 1901.
THE PATENT aSSR*, The Celebrated
“Block” Reclining Haywood Bros. &
Co-Cart. J j* Wakefield Cos. Co
_j. mm J Carts and Baby
The F. A. Whitney jg&mJ _ .
JpPSim Carriages. The
Co-Carts and Carriage and Toy
Carriageß ' Company Co-Carts
The Dann Co-Carts and Carriages.
This carriage, upholstered in a green
terry, trimmed In plush, with white lace
parasol, rubber tire, steel wheels, anti
friction bearings, worth $19.00,
$12.10.
A Solid Oak Dining Chair, worth $1.25,
this week,
79c.
The Modern Fable of the Youngest Til
bury and the Proud Colonial Stock on
the Jubbleson Side.
through his Clothes and discover one of
these dog-eared Five-Cent Libraries that
was being handed around from Kid to
Kid as long as it would hold together.
It was generally something about Hand
some Harry, the Boy Prize-Fighter, and
Jimmy’s Mother would come very near
having a Duck Fit. It did seem strange
to her that a Lineal Descendant of Ike
Jubbleson should want to read such de
moralizing Trash.
The Family held many Conference* to
worry over Jimmy’s Future. There did
not seem to be much Chance to pad out
his stunted Mentality so as to put him
in the same Class with Theodore and
Sue, but it was decided to give him as
much Education as he was capable of
taking on, in the Hope that, at least, he
might turn out to be o Business Man
or something like that. Jimmy was sent
to a neighboring Freshwater College and
told to follow in the Footsteps of Theo-
Ii m iiiiu n i
THE BLACK fIHEBP OF THE FLOCK.
dore, but he lost the Trail the first Day.
Now, although Jimmy was hopelessly
N. G. In hls Htudles. he had not been
wanting hls Time while playing In Vacant
Lots with the Tough Outlit that lived
over beyond the Tracks. He imd de
veloped an Up-hoot. that fooled tho Best
of them, and he could slam them right,
over the Die every time. Give him a nice
Chew of Gum and let him work up a gen
tle Perspiration and he could wrap the
Ball around the Batter’e Neck every time
he let go of It and Fen them out as
fast a* they were fed to him. 80 he
became the Star Pitcher of tho First Nine.
The new South-Paw Twirler Waa greeted
with glad Acdalro by th* whole School.
Hrnafl boy* followed him and talked about
him In Whispers. He bod hls l’lcturn
in th. Monthly, and tha College GUIs
made Sofa Pillow* for him, and every
body *ald h# waa a Nectarine A* a Pub
lic Charaotar and Popular Idol he mad*
Thcodote and So* and Ilia root of hls
Foepla look Small and cheat' <*n lha
Night after he w>ai the Inter-Collegtata
Cnamp’or.ehrp for il* Team by retiring
all ta* vaulrtad Hatsmari of th* Jflvtl
iMfitulten. th* whole Mob of |pud*ta
•*•>• around to tba Tilbury (*!•<-* and
lore down ♦** Fang# **d rs o**r It*
Flaw* A*4* and wlumped and yowlM
# ,U wanted to baud' what waa ue Matter
with jMnmt Tb* Bead played “A Hot
Ttauseat Jtmffiy had tg make g Nper h
*tey gala aim Mr** Mar** and there
ware nigh living* until far MM* Mur Might ,
To* alar Tilbury# ware feyAu.g arou-ef
A Large Rattan Porch Rocker, Just the
Thing for Tybee,
This week at $ .34.
TRY A CAN OF YANKEE CLEANER.
ln different parts of the House, feeling
sort of Dazed.
Jimmy’s Fame was spread abroad by
the Associated Press, and presently a
League Manager came along and Signed
the Celebrity at a Figure representing
about four times whait Theodore got for
being a Professor, and at least twice as
much as Father could pull out In a Year,
even when Things were coming his Way.
Jimmy went out on the Circuit and began
to get his Name sprinkled all through
the Baseball Column. The only way Theo
dore could have got his Name into the
Papers would have been by going ouit Into
the Street and letting something run over
him. Jimmy mailed all the Sporting Pa
pers home to Sue, so that she could study
the Scores and see that he was a Credit
to the Family.
Thus the oljscure Name of Tilbury was
lifted to Renown. Mr. Tilbury now has
a once-removed Hold on Fame, for he 1s
pointed out everywhere as the Father of
Jimmy, the left-handed Wizard. Mrs.
Tilbury attracts Attention every time she
gets on a Car. Theodore now commands
more Respect from his Pupils, for they
are truly Proud to be Instructed by one
whose Brother can throw a Cork-Screw
Curve, and put Whiskers on It. As for
Intellectual Sue, whenever she meets a
Stranger the Stranger always asks. “Are
you related to the Great Tilbury?**
MORAL: Most of us get our Real Start
outside of the Home Circle.
George Ad*.
UNCLK MINGO ON A SFHBE.
The Old Man Did Hl Best to Assist
His Friend.
Among the guests at the recorder's
matinee yesterday morning was the old
darkey familiarly known as Uncle Min
go. He was accompanied by his friend,
the restaurant waiter, and was looking
distressingly dilapidated.
The policeman reported that he had
found the pair dead drunk and sleeping
In the gutter an hour or so after mid
night.
The old man was profoundly humiliated
at his predicament, and fervently assured
the recorder that it was the first and last
time he would ever be ”cotch in sich a
fix.” As it was a first offense the pair
were let off very lightly.
It will doubtless boa surprise that *uch
a thing should happen to so respectable
a person as Uncle Mingo; the way It came
about was as follows:
While Uncle Mingo was eating supper
the everting before, the waiter remarked
tp ,him:
"W en you go home now, you got money
’nough to open a sto\"
’’Diinno 'bout dat,” replied the old man;
”1 'lows I’ll Open gump’n, but I don’t link
rt'W be a sto’."
••Wot you goln' to open, den?” “Well,
you see Its disher way," said Uncle Min
go meditatively. ”1 notice* dat dem gen
slmens wot has a office like Bquirs Haw
kins |D' Doctor Crosby an" Judge Good
man alius seems to ha* mo’ money dan
dem wot has a sto'. So L 'lows I’ll open
a office.”
"Wot kin’ o’ offlee you goln’ to open,
Inquired the waiter, "ef you ain’t no law
yer nor yet no doctor?”
”! dunno.” answered Uncle Mingo, evi
dently non-plussed.
”1 toll you wot you kin do," suggested
th waltar alter a pause: "You might
opeti a branch office for do Great Atlantic
Policy Oortip'ny."
••Wot dat la?" aokwl Uncle Mingo.
"Its d* lottery buatnese. dry sells tickets
for and policy dt a win’s an’ day Jlat coin*
4* mon*y Mpoeln wa walks ’round dero
to night an’ 'veailgata d* aubjac’"
t nda Mingo aaroff and *< an hour
m too taler h* ac.-oaipanttd his friend
to the offv a ' tit I’imirtai snort lane,
attars ilia tires< Atlantic Potto? fomtrs-
Iry wa* opotat*4 lor lit* letcD. of lit
widow* and orphan* of dec eased imdoro4
fcSSIMt 4*4 ftet***e)><*tl**
Mara tea ••Mar taatao ><** to
release to lb* e 4 mat* the bidden
a.yaieiioa of IP h*i* and ssitWlt soi
gurimiinncK
This Carriage, upholstered in Gray
Corduroy, with white, sattne parasol, rub
ber tire, eteel wheels, anti-friction bear
ings, worth $21.50,
$13.20.
A FINE SUPPLY OFFICE DESKS
AND OFFICE FURNITURE VERY
CHEAP THIS WEEK.
contributions and drawings and prizes;
but the old man got all mixed up. and
could not make head or tail of the mat
ter. He thought maybe a little drink of
whisky might clear his "idees” a bit.
With this object in view, they went
across the lane to a neighboring bar
room to make the experiment. The old
man thought the drink did freshen up his
wits somewhat, so the waiter proposed
that they should try another; but even
after this the old man still found that he
couldn't exactly “git de hang o' de busi
ness.”
This led to a third and fourth, by which
time Uncle Mingo began to feel decidedly
muddled, and so announced that he would
postpone further examination of the
methods of conducting the policy business
until next day.
Then they net out to see a little of the
town, and migrated from one barroom to
another. They encountered a number of
the waiter's acquaintances, they treated
and were treated In return, and, In short,
got on a regular tear; so that about mid
night, the five-dollar note which Uncle
Mingo had broken early in the evening
looked exactly like thirty cents. The
old man was disgracefully drunk, and hlB
companion was Just as bad.
They came staggering along the *treet
arm In arm, leaning against one another
for support, and singing boisterously.
"Dls Is de way we long has sought,
Eber sence we was boys.”
Arrived at a corner, the waiter stopped.
’’Hoi’ on minute, unc,’ ” he said; “Icm
me light shegar.”
He disengaged his arm from Uncle
Mingo’s. Alas! In union there is strength.
He tried to strike a match on the sole
of his shoe, lost hls balance, clutched
wildly at the air, and then toppled over
into the gutter.
After several ineffectual efforts to rise
he appealed to Uncle Mingo.
“Can’t git up, unc;’ gimme Ilf.’ ”
With extreme caution the old man
stooped on the edge of the curbing, but
he soon found fclmeelf quite powerless to
assist. In fact, thing* were sailing
around so that he didn’t know whether
he ohght to lift hls friend up, pull him
down, or merely try to hold him steady.
“Can’t, my son,” he said; “don’t Stan’
still long ’nough. But nummlne, unc’
Mingo ain’t man to resert frien’ In time
o’ distremlty. I can’t git you up here wid
me, but I tell you wot I kin do."
"Wot kin you do?"
"I kin git down dere wid you,” said
Uncle Mingo, consolingly; and down he
went.
SERGEANT 7 BOYD FORGETS.
He Most Have Broken Ihe Command
ment More Than Once.
Editor Morning News: My old friend,
Bergt. William Illley Hoyd, who seems to
be dissatisfied with most everything now
aday*, says, In a recent article In your
columns, that he never broke the Eighth
Commandment during hls career as a
Confederale soldier. Hus he forgotten the
day after the first land attack on Buttery
Wagner, when he appropriated the boots
of a dead Yankee? It Is true the “Yank"
did not want them; hut still they were
not Billie's,” and he technically broke the
commandment.
He knows that hls company had In Its
ranks the star forager of the western
attny, an Irishman named "Tom" Cuddl
gan, and that Cuddlgnn's "war bags"
wets always loaded With the hint the
surrounding country for t.dles afforded
If tti* Colon*! did not forage lie oft"n
partook of Cuddlgsii'a linepttaltty, and 1
l,4V* no doubt "Hlllle" did also, for he
and f'uddlgan wa* great friend* Whn
mill* - ••* commissary for the com
pauy, and want to draw ration*, lie gen*
. tally took "Tom ' along, and whn
'buy ***<■ back to lamp t'uddlgso
would bar* lor MM**tf n ritn sack of
Wi*l Is was bad at ••Minilug and iws
llMff|i| working Mliltl't, * kills” know*
This carriage, upholstered In a red and
gold 811 k Damask, lace parasol, rubber
tire, steel wheels, anti-friction bearings,
worth $18.50,
$ll.BB
A Large Line of Iron and Brass Beds
from $3.49 to $75.00.
A large line of Refrigerators and lee
Boxes Just received, from
53.49 to $66.00.
We have Pedestals, Taborettes, Jardin
iere Stands and Fancy Tables In Oak,
Walnut, Birdseye Maple, Mahogany,
Bamboo and Rattan. They are beauties.
You should see them.
GREAT LACE SALE
AT
MORRISONS
23 Broughton, West.
At 10c per yard, 10,000 yards
Laces and Insertings, worth 20c to
35c per yard. All to go
At 10c per yard
THIS WEEK.
whenever a forager oao caught hls plun- ,
der were confiscated, and the provost i
guard and headquarters enjoyed It. He
doubtless remember* the time at Cheat
ham's Ferry, Term., when our brigadier,
general, Smith, cat the dog. I don’t know
what quartermaster he refers to, but I
do know that I have eaten fresh i*>rk
and flapjacks at the mess of our brigade
quartermaster, MaJ. 3. He said he got the
meat from MaJ. Rambaut. and
wanted us to chip In, and help him pay
for It, but we were dead broke; had not
been, i>aid off for months. The Major
Is still living, Is as Jolty as ever, and still
inelsts we owe him for “that hog.”
Company H.
NOT THE Kilt ST.
Other Snathern Boys Graduated
With lllg treat Honor at West
Paint.
Editor Morning Nows: The following I
saw and clipped from the issue of your
valued pajvr of date 25th Inst., entitled
“Georgian at tin Head;” "Columbus
Enqulrer-Bun: Mr. Will Mitchell, who
was appointed to a cadetship from Co
lumbus, arid who entered the class of 1902
at West Point, will graduate In June, 1908,
with first honors, and by so doing will be
the first Boutherner In all tho history of
tha Institution to achieve tha enviable dis
tinction."
I lug leave to state that In reference
to young Will Mitchell there la evidently
an error somewhere, which I shall be able
Ur prove ertlsfactorlly,
AlsMtt twenty years ago. more or less, I
wa* a teacher In the High •rhool of
Charleston, 3. C„ and amongst my puplk*
was a mild-mannered boy almost as re
tiring In hls disposition as fowprr la said
lo have I* • n wls.se name la Henry Jer
sey 'llia Jervey family Irelon* to that
good old Huguenot stock which tia* been
■nih an elevating element in Carolina.
Milt* Henry was truly a pro’ttgy Thare
wa* nattilug In vklih fee was not always
■
This Carriage, upholstered In a green
and gold Silk Damask, white satin para
sol, rubber tire, steel wheels, antt-frietlon
bearings, worth $27.50,
$19.98.
The Dixie
Mosquito Net
Canopies,
For wood, brass, iron or
folding beds,
THIS WEEK
$1.39.
A beautiful Ladles’ Rattan Rocker,
very strong, very pretty, u orth $4.00,
This Week $2.28*
perfect. Teaching I found not exactly to
my taate and I abandoned It after aome
little time—but It was a pleasure, per se,
to teach Henry Jervey.
Well, time rolled on. I had severed my
connection with the High School and It
and young Jervey were “out of sight, and
out of mind.” Several years thereafter on
looking over the News and Courier one
morning. I saw that my quodam pupil
had received his appointment to West
Point. Turning to my wife I remarked
that although 1 knew there would ba
bright fellows from the whole Union at
the Point, J predicted that Henry would
push some of them very hard. The time
for graduating came. A cadet from New
York (I think! and Jervey tied for first
honor. On re-exam lnatlon my former
scholar curried off the prize.
I make this statement In no spirit of
contention. It is my earnest hope that
Will Mitchell will also prove what a
Southern boy can do. and that the first
honor will fall to him when the time for
graduation shall come in June 1902. Al
though fharleaton Is my birth-place, some
of my happiest boyhood's days were spent
In Georgia, and I am now a citizen of
this city, and very naturally wish success
to Georgia boys.
Before I close this little not# 1 would
like to ray that both as a small boy, and
us a young man at West Point, Jervey
made It a rule to never study on Sunday
—and that proved to be no lost time for
him. As long ss I knew him he was al
ways found by me to be truthful,
straightforward uod polite, and I do got
think any of hts classmates wers Jealous
of him. lie was a thorough little gentle-
It hr it, and could liava scarcely been other
wise, as in this particular ba was "To
the manner horn " Hugo J&aott.
Havanush, (1., April M, tWi.
Mr, New saw -Mo you're glad your
sister's get ns for her Heady company,
• to? ,
Johnny— Top T'Sllllii Brown's Hefei"#
got Heady natipsny, an' Tommy suit*
him fur candy an' tiring* to beat the
band Philadelphia Meow 4.
11