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n\/ENTURES OF MR. AND MRS.
A ?IS SISTER BEE AND ME.
„ anpaks volumes for an amiability I
! ' ahvays claimed for myself
baV -h sundry fierce disputes on the
v vith my sister, that even after
!U J , l - ars of travel in Europe with her
'"i \vuli Mr- and Mrs. Jimmie they
i still wish for my company for
f ‘ , ney across France and Germany
* CuUa beginning with a week on
“ ” houseboat at Henley. Bee says
th ' ,k- volumes for the tempers of
" jimmies, but. then. Bee is my
or. to put it more properly, I
SlSte p e e's sister, and what woman is
"heroine to her own sister?
, n anv event, lam not. Bee thinks I
‘ „ creature of feeble intelligence,
"ho must be ••managed.” Bee loves to
manage" people, and I. who love to
h her circuitous, diplomatic, vel
lv crooked way to a straight end,
.now myself to be managed. So Bee
r enily took ship and landed safely
the SEr of Hotel Cecil in London,
!‘ vi „ K been escorted up from South
anVton by Jimmie. Here we found
” Jimmie in boating costume, hav
,, g just come up from Henley to meet
ind whisk us down to spend the
most delightful week upon the friendli
®t an d most useful river in all the
"Houseboat hospitality at Henley we
discovered to be conducted on a very
irregular plan, for it appeared that the
casual afternoon caller always meant
tea and sometimes dinner. This is all
"... well if the people happen to be
pgreeable and the food holds out, but
ft kept us constantly scurrying for
" to eat, as houseboat provisions
Tre all furnished by firms in town, and
mu are expected to let the purveyors
know in the morning how many to
provide for at each meal.
I like the English people very much,
hut I cannot help observing that some
who are very well born and are sup
nnsed to he exceedingly well bred, take
advantage of American hospitality in
a way which they would never dream
cf pursuing with their English hosts.
For instance, Americans were very free
In remaining so dangerously close to
the dinner hour that we were pushed
into asking them to remain, but never
once did they make It obligatory to in
vite them to remain over night, while
no less than half a dozen times dur
ing Henley week our English friends
said to Jimmie:
"I S ay old man, beastly work getting
hack to town. Can’t you put us up
for the night?”
As this occurred when every state
room was filled, even Bee’s scared Duke
being among the number of our guests,
they knew that It would force Jimmie
to sleep upon a bench in the dining
room and be seriously inconvenienced.
Towards the end of the week this su
preme selfishness so annoyed me that
with one Englishman who had thus in
sisted upon dispossessing Jimmie for
the second time, I resolved to make
a test. So I said: "Of course. It’s a
little hard on Jimmie, your way of
turning him out of his stateroom to
sleep on the table, so if you’ve quite
decided to remain over night my sister
and I will let you have our room and
we will sleep on the benches in the
dining room. Jimmie doesn’t get much
sleep. You know, we keep it up so
late, and. of course, you always wake
him up when you turn out for your
swim at 6 o’clock in the morning.”
“Oh! say.” he replied. “That’s aw
fully jolly of you. It is a beastly shame
to turn the old man out of his bed two
nights in one week, but your boat is
the only one on the river where a fel
low feels at home, you know. Thanks,
awfully, for letting me have your
room.”
Bee, who was standing near, cleared
her throat and looked at me.
“Did you ever in all your life?” she
said.
“No, I never did,” I said. ”1 never,
never did.”
Never did what?” asked the Eng
lish gentleman.
"I never saw' anybody like you in a
book or out of it, but I suppose there
are 10,000 more Just as tall and well
built and selfish.”
“Selfish,” he blurted ont. “What Is
theie selfish about me? You offered me
your room, didn’t you?”
“Yes, she offered It,” said Bee, sit
ting on a little table and tucking her
feet on a chair, “Just to see If you’d
take it. You haven’t known my sister
very long, have you? Why, she’d no
more let you have her room than I
would let Jimmie turn himself out a
second time for you. If you stay to
night, you’ll be the one to sleep in the
dining room on that narrow bench.”
bench.”
“Oh, I say,” he ejaculated, with a
very red face. "I can’t do that, you
know, it would be so very uncomfor
table.”
“You can lie on your side," said Bee.
"We three women have decided to have
Jimmie go to bed early to-night. We’ll
make it as comfortable as we can for
you, and you’ll get fully three hours
sleep, perhaps four. It Is all Jimmie
would get.”
"Why, I don’t believe that the old
man will let me sleep there. I think
he and rather I had his room. He and
his wife were so awfully good to me
when I was in America. I stayed two
months with them at their place and
they entertained me royally.”
"Where’s your wife?” I said sud
denly.
She’s in our town house,” he an
swered.
And where’s your sister, the Hon
orable Eleanor? I said.
"What’s that got to do with It?”
our friend.
. I said. “I Just wondered
‘ you and noticed that every single time
we have been in London for the past
’wo years neither your sister nor your
has ever called on Mrs. Jimmie,
although you stayed two months with
them in America. All that you have
ii?. ne , n re,urn for the mountain trip
t‘i it Jimmie arranged for you, taking
y°u in a private car to hunt big game,
taking you fishing and arranging for
,n s °e everything in America that
you wanted to—all, I say, that you
dale ,j on p for him wag to put him up
i vour club and take them to the
r.nos twice, and, even though your
was there, you never introduced
'ii’ni although once you stopped, and
•'"k to her. Now, what do you think
of yourself?
I think—l think,” he stammered.
Yo you don’t think,” said Bee. "You
n.,t*- r yourself.”
stared at us maliciously, but we
enjoying ourselves too much to
" li P on him.
I never was talked to so In my life."
n- Said.
perhaps not," I said pleasantly,
j ’’ it has done you good, hasn't it’”
tj. * acp ’ "hich was very red at all
grew a little more claret col-
P A, and he evidently wanted very
in h to get angry, but Bee and I were
, ’*' - v cheerful, almost affectionate in
• ™ f,nner °f mentally skinning him.
' o e couldn’t seem to pull htmself
'Ogethir.
!, “il never stay after that,” said
r. ( " complacently to me afterwards,
h i stay. and although Jimmie
. urious, he- had every intention of
; ! “g him have his bedroom again.
~ 'li Bee and I so fiercely resented
"e locked Jimmie In his stateroom,
j “re. after a few feeble pounds on
, “ l,oor - he resigned himself to his
; and got the only night’s sleep
he had In eight days of Henley,
nether the Honorable Edwardea
■vardes slept on his side on the
"ich or on hia back on the dinner ta
ble, or stood up all night, we never
knew. He was a little cross at break
fast and complained of feeling ”a bit
Kut nobody petted or sympa
thized with him, or ran for the linl
ment. So by luncheon time he was
drinking Jimmie’s champagne again
with the utmost good humor.
One day Jimmie invited his wife to
go canoeing. While he is not more
conceited than most people, he is what
you might call confident, and he would
have been all right in this instance if
he had noticed that a race had just
been rowed and that the swell from
the racers was rippling over the boom
and creeping gently toward the house
boat. The canoe was still at the steps.
They were both seated comfortably,
and Just about to paddle away when
a swell came along-side and tilted the
canoe in such a succession of little un
expected rolls that it shipped enough
water to submerge their legs entirely,
giving them a nice cold hip bath.
Mrs. Jimmie screamed, and we all
rushed down and dragged hej out of
the boat, dripping like a mermaid, and
thoroughly chilled. Bee took her in
to cheer her with a brandy and to
hurry her into dry clothes, while I re
mained to see what I could do for Jim
mie, who was very wet, very mad and
very uncommunicative.
“What a pity,” I remarked pleasant
ly, “that you are so thin. Shall I come
down and hold the boat stilj while you
get out? Wet flannel has such a cling
ing effect."
Jimmie Is a good deal of a gentle
man, so he made no reply. I was Just
turning away, resolving in a Christian
spirit to order him a hot Scotch, when
I heard a splash and a remark which
was full of exclamation points, aste
risks and other things, and looking
down I saw the canoe bottom upwards,
with Jimmie’s head alongside, indig
nantly blowing a large quantity of
Thames water from his mouth in a
manner which led me to know that the
sooner I got away from there the bet
ter it would be for me. I kept out of
his way until dinner time, and then
my silence was so exasperating that
finally Jimmie could stand It no longer.
“Did you see me go down?" he de
manded.
“I did not,” I answered him firmly,
whereat he released my elbow and I
edged around to the other side of the
table.
"But I saw you come up,” I said
pleasantly, "and I saw what you said.”
"Saw?” said Jimmie.
"Certainly! There was enough blue
light around your remarks for me to
have seen them In the dark.”
“Well, what have you got to say
about it?”
“Did I mention before that I thought
you were thin?”
“You certainly did.”
“Your legs,” I went on, but Just
then I was interrupted by the reap
pearance of a little German musician,
who had floated up the river two days
before in a white flannel *uit without
a change of linen, and who played ac
companiments of our singers so well
that Jimmie permitted him' to stay on
without actually inviting him. He
nts as offensive to our English friends
on the subject of England as he was
to us concerning America.
“Your sister sent me to tell you that
there is a houseboat up near the Island
flying the American flag, and we are
all going up there to see it. Would you
like to go?”
"Thanks so much for your invita
tion,” said Jimmie, “but I’ve got two
Americans coming in half an hour.”
“I’ll go. Just wait until I get my
hat,” I said.
The boat containing Bee, Mrs. Jim
mie and two men, and the one with
Miss Wemyss, the German, Miss
Memyss’ fiance. Sir George, and me
pulled up the river to the island, where
on a very small houseboat, named the
Queen, a large American flag was fly
ing. and beneath it were crosesd a
smaller American flag and the Union
Jack.
Sir George, who was one of the nic
est Englishmen we ever met, pulled off
his cap and cried out:
“All hats off to the Stars and
Stripes!”
In an Instant every hat was whip
ped off, ours included, although there
was some wrestling with hatpins. Even
the boatmen obeyed Sir George. All,
did I say? All—all except the German!
He folded his arms across his chest
and kept his hat on.
"Didn’t you hear Sir George?" I said.
“Yes, I heard him. Of course I heard
him,” he answered.
“Then take your hat off!” said Miss
Wemyss.
“Yes, take your hat off!” came In a
roar from all the others, none being
louder and more peremptory than the
Englishman's.
“I will not take my hat oft to that
dirty rag,” he said. “It means nothing
to me. I can go into a shop and buy
that red. white and blue. It Is only a
>rag—that flag.”
Sir George leaned over with blazing
eyes and took him by the collar. i
“Don’t do that, George," said Miss
Wemyss, excitedly. "His linen Is not
fit to touch.”
"Let’s duck him,” said the Prince
ton man.
But Mrs. Jimmie Interfered, saying
in a quiet voice, although her hand
was trembling.
“Don’t do anything to him until we
take him back to the houseboat.”
At this the German smiled with such
insolence and pulled his hat further
down on his brow with such a vicious
look of satisfaction that I had all I
could do to hold on to myself. The
boats flew back to the houseboat as If
on wings.
"You, see. Miss,” he leaned forward
and said to me In a low tone, "you do
not like me. You love your flag. Ah,
ha, I revenge myself.”
"Just wait till I tell Jimmie," I said.
"Ah. ha. he will do nothing. I play
for his concert to-night.”
As the boats pulled up to the steps
of the houseboat Jimmie met us with
his two friends, who had come dur
ing our absence. We had never seen
them before.
"What do you think, Jimmie?”
stammered Bee. stumbling up the
steps in her excitement.
"And. Jimmie, he wouldn’t take his
AN OLD AND RELIABLE CARE FOR
Blood Poison, Cancer,
Ulcers, Eating Sores, Eczema,
Itching Humors.
Many Suffer and Don't Know It.
If your ancestors suffered, if you have
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dry sore or warts, swellings, aching bones
“ Joints, mucous patches, ulcerated
throat or mouth, dull, aching or lancing,
■hooting pains, bleeding, festering sore*,
■rales or scabs, you have either Blood
poison or the beginnings of Deadly Can
cer. Don't experiment or wait a day. but
take Botanic Blood Balm (B. B. B.) which
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ail the sores and every symptom by giving
_ healthy blood supply to the diseased
flesh Botanic Blood Balm (B. B. B.)
cures all malignant blood troubles, those
named above, and old eczema, itching,
scabby humors, scrofula, pimples, often
■lve eruptions, carbuncles, rheumatism,
etc and makes the blood pure and rich.
Sold at drug stores, *l. Trial treatment
free if you describe your trouble and
write Dr. Qtllam, 160 Mitchell street, At
lanta Ga Medicine and free medical ad
vice sent prepaid. Dr. Gillam originated
Botanic Blood Balm Treatment for blood
troubles over thirty years ago Thous
ands cured, many after doctors, patent
medicines and surgical operations failed.
THE MORNING NEWS: SUNDAY, AUGUST 4,1901.
Y
do you keep on suffering and going about
wtth that annoying and ever present fe
ver and still hesitate about getting rid of
tt, when you can be cured at a trifling
expense-
Read what one of the many who have
have sought relief and has never been
troubled since has to say:
The Dr. W. N. Van Brederode Cos., Pat
erson. N. J.:
To Whom It May Concern—l have used
Dr. W. N. Van Brederode’s fever ague
medicine for three months, and found it
(after taking several worthless patent
drugs and doctors' prescriptions) to be
the best preparation for fever, also a
most effective formula as an'appetizer
J. H. STEELE,
Contractor and Builder,
676 East 23d street. Paterson, N. J.
Ask your druggist for it. Price 40c per
bottle. Made only in the laboratories of
THE DR. W. N. VAN BREDERODE CO.
Paterson, N. J.
LIPPMAN BROS., Agents, Savaa*
nuh, Ga,
hat off to the flag.” “And, Jimmie, I
wish you had been there; you’d have
drowned him!” came from all of us
at once.
“What’s that?” cried Jimmie In a
rage at once. ,
"What’s that?” came from the tmen
behind him. "Wouldn’t take his hat off
to the flag! Who wouldn’t?”
“That discolored little German,.”
We were al lout of the boats by that
time except the unhappy object of our
wrath, whose countenance was quite
frightful to behold.
"Mr. Jimmie,” he said, coming to the
end of the boat with every intention
of stepping out, “I apologize to you. I
am very sorry.”
"Get back into that boat,” thunder
ed Jimmie.
"But, sir, your concert to-night. I
play for you.”
"You go to the devil,” said Jimmie.
“You’ll not put your foot on board
this boat again. Off you go. Take him
down to Henley!” he ordered the boat
man.
“Very well! Very well!” said the
German, "I go, but I do not take my
hat off to your flag.”
“Ah! don’t you,” cried the Prince
ton man, making a grab for the Ger
man’s sailor hat with his long arm,
just as the boat shot away. He stooped
and took it up full of Thames water
and flung it thus loaded squarely in
the little wretch’s face, while the man
at the oars dexterously tossed it over
board, where it floated bottom up
wards in the river, and the boat shot
out towards Henley with the barehead
ed and most excited specimen of the
human race It was ever our lot to be
hold.
Then Jimmie Introduced hts friends.
Bee has just looked over this narra
tive of the pleasantest week we ever
spent in England, and she says:
"You haven't said a word about the
races.”
So I haven’t!
But you read about them In the pa
pers.
HOUSEHOLD LABORATORY.
Happiness In the Kitchen Mean*
Good Cheer In the Whole House.
New York. Aug. 2.—As the stomach
is the laboratory of the human sys
tem, so is the kitchen the laboratory
of a great deal of the comfort of the
house, and If all is not well with it
the trouble will at once be felt
throughout the whole dwelling. With
the demands of the maids, and the
gradual but constant increase of
wages, the various panaceas of the re
formers in domestic affairs, with such
examples as the rumored eight-hour
relays of servants in the homes of
Mrs. Emmons Blaine and other wealthy
and philanthropic women, things are
in danger of reaching such a point that
only the wealthy can keep servants.
It Is then for the Interest of every
family to make their home attractive
and comfortable for the maids, to
have the kitchen made as pleasant,
and as easy to do work In, as conven
iences, good-nature, good food, and
freedom from undue exactions can
make it, to have it so Inviting in its
way that it will be preferred to the
shop or any other of the various
places of employment.
The drawing room or the boudoir it
self is not more attractive than is the
kitchen of spotless floor, shining range,
white tables, bright tins and porcelains
and neat maids with cheerful faces.
But there will not be cheerful faces
there if the kitchen does not feel it
slf appreciated in the parlor, and—un
less the establishment be on the scale
of those where earlier meals are served
expressly for the servants—does not
have its share also of the good things
of the dining room, and is not given
full share of pleasures and frequent
holidays, too.
The housekeeper who looks after the
well-being of her maids usually finds
herself rewarded by their regard in
turn for her own well-being. She needs
not be told in this age of the world
that it robs her dignity of nothing if
she takes an Interest in her mails’
wardrobes, In the becomingness of their
hats and jackets and four-in-hands,
in their friends and families and likes
and dislikes; if she affords them an
easy bed to sleep on, If she places toilet
articles on their wash stands to take
the stains from their poor hands. If
she gives them tickets now and then
to such entertainments as there are, if
she lets them alone at their meals and
takes pains not to interfere with their
religious observances, and allows them
the kitchen to themselves in the even
ings for their friends and followers.
Happiness in the kitchen means, to
a great extent, good cheer in the whole
house, "a merry heart goes all the way
your sad tires In a mile-a.” The girl
who is contented, and goes singing
about her work, does twice as much
and does it twice as well, as the one
who is half-hearted and feels the world
gone wrong; she puts her honor and
conscience into It, her heart is in the
cooking, honesty In the dusting and
bed-making and all the rest, and rhe
relieves her mistress of a hundred
cares.
It Is worth some amount of trouble
of thought and of forbearance, to bring
about this state of satisfaction in the
kitchen; and sooth to say It requires it.
It demands tact and good nature, also
the power to overlook trifles, the qual
ity of not expecting gratitude to be
proclaimed at every turn, and of per
ceiving it when it is shown in the work.
The mistress who practices these gen
tle arts will seldom want for good ser
vice. "I have heard you well recom
mended.” said an applicant for a place
to a woman whose endeavor it was to
make her kitchen a home rather than
a slave pen. Perhaps the employer
smiled at the phrase: but a second
thought must have told her that she
needed indorsement as much as the
other party, and that in the wide un
derground telegraphy from kitchen to
kitchen there was little left unknown
of her own tricks and manners. It is
not the dependents in such houses as
hers who band against the employer
as a common enemy. Save in rare In
stances of stupidity or of evil dispo
sition, the servant in such a house be
comes an ally, a treasured member of
the family which makes her happiness,
and whose happiness she helps in
crease, coming In the lapse of time to
share the Joys and sorrows of the
house, Its secrets. Its sentiments and its
confidences, beloved by the children
and leaned upon by the older*.
Harriet Prescott Spofford,
MODERN FABLES
BY GEORGE ADE.
Copyright, 1901, by Robert Howard
Russell.
Hubby had promised to be home ear
ly for Dinner. He had one Foot on the
Step of the Street-Car when he hap
pened to remember that his Wife had
told him to bring home a Basket of
Gem Melons, because the Grocer did
not keep the Kind she liked.
Hubby did not fancy the Notion of
playing Pack-Pony on the Streets, but
he knew there would be a eatch-as
catch-can Talking Match If he failed
to show up with those Melons, so he
turned reluctantly and allowed the Car
to go its Way.
He sought A Delicatessen Store and
WITH A FRIEND FROM MEMPHIS.
bought a 5-pound Basket of undersized
Canteloupes that looked as if they were
Chapped. He started back to take the
next Car, when he ran plump into an
Old Friend from Memphis. They stood
and shook Hands for a while, and said,
"Well, -well,” and wanted to know how
Tricks were, etc., and then the Ac
quaintance from the South said it was
the Custom in his part of the Country
when two Gentlemen met after a long
Separation to pour a small Libation
on the Altar of Friendship.
“You will excuse me if l don’t re
fuse,” said Hubby, and the two be
gan to look around for a Place with
Potted Ferns in the Window and Ca
thedral Glass in the Swinging Doors.
As they laid their Breast-Bones
against the metallic Hand-Rail, Hub
by saw a Vision of a Lady with Au
burn Hair. She was watching the Cars
unload at the Corner. There was what
you might term a Baleful Gleam in her
Eye, and she was beginning to tap the
Flosr with one Tootsie. Those who un
derstand the Matrimonial Code know
that when a Lady with Zaza Tresses
begins to telegraph with one Foot,
then is th,e Time to climb a Tree.
Hubby did not mention the Vision to
his Friend from Memphis. HE did not
believe in unloading his Troubles on
an innocent Third Party or admitting
to any one that he could be Scared by
a Weak Woman weighing only 120.
The Man from Memphis ordered two
Juleps. The Julep is built in a tall
Vase. In consists of a leafy Roof Gar
den superimposed on a Display of
Small Fruit, the whole underlaid with
a Nansen Ice-Pack. Hubby had to
take off his Hat in order to crawl
through the Mint, and get to the Bev
erage. As he looked at the fading
Sunlight through the Kaleidoscope of
Prismatic Flashes and Blushing Cher
ries, the Picture of Mabel with her
MR. DOOLEY ON
THE TRUTH ABOUT SCHLEY
BY F\ F\ DU IN IN El.
Copyrighted, 1901, by Robert Howard Rnssell.
“If they’se wan thing I’m prouder lv
thin another in me past life,” said Mr.
Dooley, ”’tis that whin me counthry
called me to go to th' Spanish war, I
was out. I owe me rayspictlbility an’
me high standin' among me fellowmen
to th' fact, Hinnissy, that where th'
shot an’ shell fell thickest, I wasn't
there. If I had anny childher, th’
proudest title lv fame, as Hogan says,
I cud hand down to thtm’d be that I
nlver see th’ shores tv Cubia- ‘Childher,’
I’d say, ‘Ye’er pah-pah’s life was not
entirely free fr’m crime. He had his
triflin’ faults, was something iv an em
bezzler, a little iv a safe blower an’ oc
casionally a murdherer. He dhrank too
much an' bate ye'er poor mother that
now is dead, or wud if she lver lived,
but wan thing he niver did. He niver
took a hand in th’ war in Cubia. There
ar-re no dents on his armor plate.’ I’d
have Congress sthrike medals f'r th'
absentee hayroes: ‘To Martin Dooley
f’r not bein' prisint at th’ battle lv
Sandago,’ or. ’ln reconition iv gallant
absence fr'm th’ battle iv Manila.
Sweet an’ proper it is to remain at
home f’r wan’s counthry!' Be hivins,
Hinnissy, If a man’s brought up be
fore a judge on a charge lv larceny, th’
coort says: ’Anny prevyous convic
tions?' ’No,’ says th’ polisman. ’Five
years,’ says th' Judge. ‘But he was a
hayro lv th' Cubian war.’ ’Make It life,’
says th’ judge.
“First they was Hobson. He kissed a
girl an’ iverybody says: ‘Hang him.
Kilt th’ coal-scuttler.’ Thin they was
Dewey. He got married an’ th' people
was f’r makin’ mathrimony a penal of
fince. Ye raymlmber Gomez. Ye recall,
Hinnissy. how th’ corryspondlnts used
to poke their way to th’ Jungle where
he set makin’ his simple meal iv th’
leg iv a scorpyon. an' a piece iv sugar
cane, an’ offer him th’ freedom iv th’
city of Noo York whin th' war was
over. Well, he wint to Noo York las'
week, this George Wash’nton lv th’
Ant Hills. He was met at th’ ferry
boat be a rayporther that twishted his
head around to take a phottygraft tv
him an’ called him 'Manny' an’ said he
looked like Mike Feely, th’ aldherman
iv th’ third ward, on’y darker. A county
iv seegar makers waited on him an* ast
him to Jine their union, an’ that was
all th' honors he had. Freedom iv th’
city, says ye? Oh, he got that, an’ all
—Consul Winter of Annaberg sends
the following translation of an article
appearing in the Deutsche Export Zel
tun’g: The increase in the trade of the
United States with Russia Is notice
able. This is due to the cordial rela
tion* which exist between these two
Face against the Pane faded away and
he beheld 10,000 star-eyed Sirens in
White playing Rag-Time on jeweled
Mandolins and singing "Dixie.” He
felt a great Love for the Southland
welling in his Heart.
So he told the Barkeep to put the
Basket of Melons on the Ice and get
busy with two more of the same.
He took Memphis by the Hand and
said that Mason and Dixon's Line was
only a Memory. He wished to propose
a Toast —to Sunny Tennessee, brightest
Gem in the Diadem of States, the
Home of Fair Women and Brave Men.
After the second Julep he told the
Barkeep to take the Melons and feed
them to the Cat and to order up a
Carriage tvith two Drivers. On Sec
ond Thought he decided to take the
Melons along to throw at the Arc
Lights in order to prove that the
North and the South were One and
Indivisible.
Hubby arrived home at 2 A. M. car
rying the Handle of the Basket. When
she opened up on him, he proved to
her that he would have been there
at 6:15 if she had not asked him to pur
chase all those Supplies.
MORAL: Usually the Woman Is to
Blame.
The Wedding Trip mid the Bad
Break In the Dlnlug Car.
John and Emma were on their
Honeymoon Hike, but they were not
advertising the Fact.
“Is It not dreadful to be spotted as a
Newly Married Couple?” said Emma
to John. “They say that all the World
loves a Lover, but it seems to give the
Ha-Ha to the Bride and Groom. Now,
in order that we may escape the At-
SHE CARRIED A HEAVY SUIT
CASE.
tentlon of the busy Rubbers and the
low Chuckles of the Nesters who loaf
in Hotel Offices, let us pretend that
we have been Married a long time.”
So when they started to Niagara
they wore Old Clothes and she carried
the heavy Suit Case, and he went and
sat in the Smoking Compartment and
talked to the Drummers while she kill
ed time by reading the Hotel Direc
tory. It was a very faithful Imita
tion. They acted just as Married as
they could. They wanted to lean
against each other and ask what Pid
gy would do if Little Widgy were to
die, and whose Caramel is Oo? But
they cut out all the Wrestling and the
Baby Talk in order to keep the Public
in the Dark.
They got on swimmingly. He neg
lected her so persistently that every
one thought she must be his Sister. But
finally an o!d Gentleman across the
Aisle leaned over and said he hoped
their path in life would be strewn with
Roses, provided they did not travel In
their Stocking Feet.
‘‘How did you get Joseph to the Lay-
Iv that. He was free to go an’ come
without annybody payin’ anny attin
tion to him. He was as free as th’ air,
because th’ polis didn't know him. If
they’d known, he might've been locked
up.
’’An’ noiv It’s Schley’s turn. I knew it
was cornin' to Schley an’ here it comes.
Ye used to think he was a gran’ man,
that whin ol’ Cervera come out iv th’
harbor at Sandago called out ‘Come on
boys’ an' plunged into th' Spanish fleet
an’ rayjooced it to scrap Iron. That’s
what ye thought an’ that’s what I
thought an’ we were wrong. We w’ere
wrong. Hinnissy. I’ve been r-readin’ a
thrue histhry lv th’ campaign be wan
iv th’ gr-reatest hlstoryians now em
ployed as a clerk in th’ supply stores
tv th’ Brooklyn navy yard. Like mesijf,
he’s a fireside vethran iv th’ war. He’s
a mimber lv th’ Martin Dooley Post
No. 1, Definders iv th' Hearth. He’s th’
boy f'r ye. If iver he beats his sugar
scoop into a soord, ye'll think ol' Far
ragut was a lady cook on a lumber
barge. Says th’ historyians: ‘Th’ con
duck iv Schley durin’ th’ campaign was
such as to bring th’ bright blush iv
shame to ivry man on th’ pay roll iv
our beloved counthry. ’Tis well known
that whin ordhered be th' gallant Jawn
D. Long to lave Hampton roads, he
thried to Jump overboard an’ swim
ashore. He was chloryformed an’ kep'
undher hatches till th’ ship was off th’
coast iv Floridy. Whin he come to, he
fainted at sight iv a Spanish ditchnry,
whin a midshipman wint by with a
box iv Oastile soap, he fell on th’ deck
writhin' in fear an’ exclaimed: ‘Th’ war
is over. I'm shot.’ Off Cyenfoogoose, he
see a starvin' reconcenthrado on th’
shore an’ cried out: 'There’s Cerveera.
Tell him to come on boord an’ accept
me soord.’ He was knocked down be a
belayln’ pin in th’ hands Iv th’ gunners
mate an’ carried to Sandago. Whin th’
catiff wretch an' cowr’d see brave Cer
veera comin-’ out iv th' harbor, he r-run
up th' signal: ‘Cease firin’. I'm a pris
oner.’ Owin’ to th’ profanity iv daunt
less Bob Ivans, which was arisin’ in a
dark purple column at th' time. Cer
veera cud not see this recreent mess
age an' attlmpted .to r-run away. Th’
American admiral followed him like th’
cow'rd that he was describin' a loop
that I'd dhraw f’r ye if th’ head book
keepers lind me a pincll an' rammln’
th’ loway. th' Matsachoosett* an' th'
Oregon. His face was r-red with fear
an’ he cried in a Voice that cud be
countries and to the less friendly atti
tude of Russian merchants toward the
manufacturers of other countries. The
greater part of the orders for the Si
berian Railway has been placed In the
United States Another large order,
amounting to 8595,000 in value, has Just
been placed In America for machinery
The Modern Fable of the Brotherhood
of States and the Wife Who Was
Responsible for the .Jublke.
Out?” asked Emma, who was provok
ed. We thought we were too cute for
anybody.”
“I will tell you,” replied the Gentle
man who had pushed In. “While you
were at Breakfast in the Diner I no
ticed that he doctored your Coffee for
you and asked how many Lumps. No
Woman will permit any Man to fix
her Coffee except during the first Blind
ness of Love. Then he tipped his Hand
when he wanted to know how many
Lumps you would take. If you had
been married more than 48 Hours he
would have known. But what really
let the Cat out of the Bag was his
giving you part of the Newspaper."
MORAL: Carry your own Meals and
engage a state-room.
The Good People Who Bnllled to the
Support of the Church.
Once there was a Congregation that
needed money for repairing the Church,
so the Women got together and decid
ed to hold a Raspberry Festival. Sis
ter Frlsble Invited them to come and
Carouse on her Front Lawn. Some 22
E FESTIVAL ON THE FRONT
LAWN.
Members of the Flock flew out and
bought a few Things to Wear, the
Outlay for Washable Finery running to
about 88 per Head.
Mr. Frisbie got $9 worth of Chinese
Lanterns and strung them around. He
wanted to do the Thing up Brown so
as to get a Puff in the Weekly. The
Paper came out and said that the Fris
bie Front Yard with its Myriad of
Twinkling Light was a Veritable
Fairy-Land. That kind of a Notice is
worth 89 of anybody's Money.
Mr. Frisbie and three other Pillars of
the Church devoted 8? worth of valu
able Time to unloading Tables and
Camp Stools.
The Women Folks ruined 814 worth
of Complexion working in the hot
Kitchen to make Angel Food and Fig
Cake.
On the Night of the Raspberry Orgy
the Public came and trampled down 845
worth of Shrubbery.
When it came time to check up the
Linen and Silverware it was found that
817 worth of Spoons with Blue Thread
tied around them had been lost In the
Shuffle.
The Drip from the Candles ruined 829
worth of Summer Suits and Percale
Shirt Waists.
Four Children gorged themselves and
each was tied up in a True Lover’s
Knot with Cholera Morbus before an
other Sunrise.
After clearing the Wreck, paying the
Drayman and settling for the Ice
Cream and Berries it was discovered
that the Church was 86.80 to the Good.
So everybody said it was a Grand Suc
cess.
MORAL: Anything to avoid drop
ping it In the Basket-
heard th’ lenth lv th' ship: *He don’t
see th’ signal. I’ve surrlndered, Cer
veera. I’m done. I quit. I’m all in.
Come an ’take me soord an’ cut off me
buttons. Boys, Are a few lv thim eight
inch shells an’ atthract his attintion.
That was a good wan. Give him some
more. R-run alongside an’ ram him If
nlcissary. Rake him fore an’ aft. There
goes his bller. Now, perhaps he'll take
notice. Great hivins, we’re lost! He’s
slnkin' befure we can surrinder. Get
out me divin’ shoot, boy, an’ I'll go af
ther him an’ capitulate. Oh, war is a
tur-rble thin!’ I have attlmpted to be
fair with Admiral Schley. If I'm not,
it’s his own fault an’ mine. I can on’y
add that ’tis th’ opinylon Iv all th’ boys
in th’ store that he ought to be hanged,
drawn, quarthered, burnt at th' stake
an’ biled in oil as a catiff, cow’rd an’
thraltor. ’Tis a good thing f’r th’ Unit
ed States that me frlnd Sampson come
back at th’ r-rlght moment an’ with a
few well-directed wurruds to a tllly
graft operator, secured th’ vlcthry. Ol’
Loop-th'-loops was found lyin’ head
first in a coal bunker an’ whin pulled
out be th’ legs exclaimed: ‘Emanuel,
don't shoot me. I’m a Spanish spy in
disgeese.’
“So they’ve arrlsted Schley. As soon
as th’ book come out th’ sicrety iv th'
navy Issued a warrant again him,
chargin’ him with vlcthry—an’ he’s go
in’ to have to stand thrile f’r it. I don't
know what th’ punishment is, but ’tis
somethin’ hard f’r th’ offinse Is on
usu’l. They’re sure to bounce him an
maybe they’ll give his Job to Cerveera.
As far as I can see, Hinnissy, an’ I cud
see as far as me fellow vithren Maclay
an’ some nine hundherd miles farther,
Emanuel is th’ on'y wan that come out
tv that battle with honor. Whin Schley
was thryln’ to give up th’ ship, he was
alongside it on a stagin’ makin’ dents
tn th’ armor plats with a pick ax,
Sampson was off writin’ letters to hlm
silf, an’ Bob Ivans was locked in a
connin’ tower with a life preserver
buckled around his waist. Noble ol'
Cerveera done nawthin’ to disgrace hi*
flag. He los’ his ships an’ his men an’
his biler an’ ivrything except his ripy
tatlon. He saved that be bein' a good
swimmer an' not bein' an officer iv th’
United States navy."
"I shud think Schley’d thry an’ prove
an allybl,” Mr. Hennessy suggested
pleasantly.
“He can’t,” said Mr. Dooley. "His
frind Sampson's got that.”
to cut a tunnel of about one and a
half miles in length not far from Char
bin, in Manchuria. The tunnel is to
be finished in one year's time. Direct
connections will then be completed be
tween Europe and Vladivostock. The
United States has outdistanced Ger
many in the markets of Russia
THE CHATHAM BANK,
SAVANNAH.
LEOPOLD ADLER. President.
C. S. ELLIS. Vice President.
JOHN R. DILLON, Cashier.
BARRON CARTER, Assistant Cashier.
Solicits the accounts of Individuals,
Arms, banks, associations and corpora
tions.
Liberal favors extended to correspond
ing banka, as our unsurpassed facilities
for collecting insure prompt returns.
BUYS AND SELLS FOREIGN EX
CHANGE. WRITES LETTERS OP
CREDIT AND ISSUES BANK MONEY
ORDERS PAYABLE IN ALL PARTS
OF EUROPE.
Interest compounded quarterly on de
posits in the SAVINGS DEPARTMENT.
Safety Deposit Boxes and Vaults for
rent .
SOUTHERN BANK
of tbu Slate ol Georgia.
Capital 1600,00
Surplus and undivided profits 6427,000
DEPOSITORY OF THE STATH OB'
GEORGIA
Superior facilities for transacting a
General Banking Business.
Collections cnaoe on air points
accessible through banks and bankers.
Accounts of Banks, Bankers, Merchants
and others solicited. Safe Deposit Boxes
for rent.
Department of Savings, Interest payable
quarterly.
Sells Sterling Exchange on London a
and upwards.
JOHN FLANNERY. President.
HORACE A. CRANE, Vice Proeidant.
JAMES SULLIVAN, Cashier.
DIRECTORS.
JNO. FLANNERY. WM W. GORDON.
E. A. WEIL. W. W. GORDON, Jr,
H. A. CRANE. JOHN M. EGAN.
LEE ROY MYERS. JOSEPH FER9T.
H. P. SMART CHARLES ELLIS.
EDWARD KELLY. JOHN J. KIRBY.
The Citizens Bank
OF SAVANNAH.
CAPITAL $500,000.
Transacts it General Banking
Business.
Solicit* Account* of Individuals,
Merchant*, Bank* and Corpo
rations.
Collection* handled with safety,
economy and dispatch.
Interest, compounded quarterly,
allowed on depoaits In our Saving*
Department.
Safe Deposit Boxes and Storage
Vaults.
MILLS B. LANE, President.
JOHN H. HUNTER. Vice President.
GEORGE C. FREEMAN, Cashier.
GORDON L. GROOVER, Asst. Cashier.
-■
No. 1640. Chartered 1866.
—THE-
Mills iiii ill
OF SAVANNAH.
CAPITAL. 6600,000. SURPLUS 6100,000
UNITED STATES DEPOSITORY.
J. A. G. CARSON, President.
BEIRNE GORDON, Vice President.
W. M. DAVANT, Cashier.
Account* of banks and bankers, mer
chants and corporations received upon the
moat favorable terms consistent with safe
and conservative banking.
THE GERMANIA BANK
6AVAa.\au, LA.
Capital 6200,000
Undivided profits bo.ooa
This bank offer* Its aervices to corpo
rations, merchant* and Individuals.
Has authority to act as executor, ad
ministrator, guardian, etc.
Issues drafts on the principal cittea la
Great Britain and Ireland and oa the
Continent.
Interest paid or compounded quarterly
qn deposits in the Savings Department
Safety boxes for rent.
HENRY BLUN. President.
GEO. W. TIEDEMAN. Vlca President.
JOHN M. HOGAN. Cashier.
WALTER F. HOGAN.
THE GEORGIA STATE
BUILDING AND LOAN ASSOCIATION
U YORK STREET, WEST.
5 PER CENT, per annum allowed on
deposits, withdrawable on demand.
Interest credited quarterly.
6 PER CENT, per annum allowed on
deposits of even hundreds, with
drawable at annual periods.
OEO W. TIEDEMAN. President.
B. H. LEVY, Vice President.
E. W. BELL, Secretary.
C. G. ANDERSON. JR.. Treasurer.
S., T. & I. of H. R’y
and C. & S. R’y.
SUNDAY SCHEDULE.
For Isle of Hope. Thunderbolt, Montgom
ery, Cattle Park and West End.
Bubject to Change without notice.
IBHTOF HOPE AND 40TII STREET
Lv City for I. of H. | Lv Isle of Hope.
945 am from 40th j 916 am for 40th
10 15 am from 40th | 10 15 am for 40th
11 00 am from loth 11 00 am for Kith
1 00 pm from 40th 1 00 pm for 40th
2 00 pm from 40th 2 00 pm for 40th
230 pm from 40th 280 pm for 40th
300 pm from 40th 3 00 pm for 40th
330 pm from 40th | 330 pm for 40th
400 pm from 40th | 400 pm for 40th
430 pm from 40th | 430 pm for 40th
500 pm from 40th | 600 pm for 40th
530 pm from 40th ! 630 pm for 40th
600 pm from 40tb | 600 pm for 40th
630 pm from 40th j 630 pm for 40th
700 pm from 40th j 700 pm for 40th
730 pm from 40th | 800 pm for 40th
830 pm from 40th | 900 pm for 40th
930 pm from 40th j 10 00 pm for 40th
10 30 pm from 40th j 11 00 pm for 40th
isle of Hope andbolton stT,
VIA THUNDERBOLT.
Lv City for I. of H.fLvTof H. for 6. at.
via Thun. & C. Park|vla Thun. & C. Park
8 00 am from Bolton 8 (X) am'for Bolton
2 30 pm from Bolton 3 30 pm for Bolton
3 30 pm from Bolton 4 30 pm for Bolton
4 30 pm from Bolton 5 30 pm for Bolton
6 30 pm from Bolton 6 30 pm for Bolton
6 30 pm from Bolton 7 30 pm for Bolton
7 30 pm from Bolton 8 30 pm for Bolton
MONTGOMERY”
Lv City for Mont’ryi Lv Montgomery.
10 16 am from 40th ] §B6 am for 40th
100 pm from 40th | 12 15 pm for 40th
800 pm from 40th | 230 pm for 40th
630 pm from 40th | 545 pm for 40th
THUNDERBOLT AND ISLE OF HOPE
Comencing at 3:00 p. m , car leaves
Thunderbolt every hour for Isle of Hope
until 8:00 p. m.
Commencing at 3:30 p. m.. car leaved
Isie of Hope every hour for Thunderbolt
until 8:30 p. m.
THUNDERBOLT SCHEDULE.
Commencing at 7:00 a. rn.. car leaves
Bolton street junction every 30 minutes
until 2:00 p. m., after which time car
leaves every 10 minutes.
Commencing at 7:30 a. m., car leave*
Thunderbolt for Bolton street Junction
every 30 minutes until 2:25 p. m., after
which time car loaves every 10 minutes.
The 10-minute schedule is maintained as
long as travel warrants It.
WEST END.
The first car leaves for West End st
7:30 a. m., and every 40 minutes thereafter
until 11:00 a. m„ after which a car runs
In each direction every 20 minutes until
midnight. LUCIAN McINTYRE.
General Msnairsr.
17