Newspaper Page Text
THE LITERARY OUTLOOK.
A NEW SYSTEM OF PUBLISHING
BOOKS.
KcKulntfa the Trice According to
Quantity—A Small Edition of
What May Prove to Bea Great
Novel—Comparison* in Book
Sales—Life and Letters of Green
a Notable Work-News About Au
thors—“ What’s What” Gives Ad
vice to Editors.
New York, Dec. 6.—The unit system
of publication has not yet invaded
America, but it is so sane a method
of regulating prices by quantity, that
doubtless we shall have it before long.
The system has only been recently in
troduced in London, though it has been
In use by a Llepsig publisher for some
thirty odd years. It consists merely
in fixing the price of books according
to the number of pages. The pages are
supposedly of the uniform 12rho. size,
and twenty-five make a unit in the
case of the London publisher, who has
just taken the matter up. The price per
unit is one-half pence (one cent). For
a paper cover one pence is added; for
cloth binding five pence; and for leath
er ten pence. A book of 250 pages
bound in cloth, therefore, will cost 20
cents. Thus far che London publisher
has brought out books of a kind on
which there is no royalty to be paid,
but they have been books which are
worth having or keeping. It would be a
good thing if this system could be in
troduced here simply because there is
a gerat need of some method for pub
lishing books which would be simpler
than the present. There is a most de
plorable lack of harmony, both as to
size and price of books. A sort of un
written law- insists that a copyrighted
novel, exceeding 50,000 words in length,
shall be made up in book form at a
retail price of $1.50. As the system oF~
net selling has not been extended to
books of fiction, this price of $1.50 is
itself Action. No one now-a-days ex
pects to pay more than SI.OO or sl.lO
for a novel which is listed at $1.50.
T was told on reliable authority the
other day that one of the prominent
New York publishers .had bound up but
five copies of a novel, which since has
been selected as one of the best Amer
ican novels by a leading English critic.
The circumstances came about in this
manner; The novel was accepted dur
ing the absence of the senior member
of the firm, and on his return this gen
tleman expressed great displeasure.
The author insisted upon holding the
publishers to the contract, and in spite
of the fact that the publishers stated
to him that they would not announc*'
the book or advertise it in any way
whatever, he was foolish enough to al
low them to set up the copy and bind
five books in accordance with the let
ter of the contract. Since that time the
author has been tglse enough to secure
the rights of the book and another
publisher is going to bring it out next
spring. The book stands a good chance
of being one of the successes of the
season, and it seems very strange that
the matter should have had such a his
tory as it has. The author has been
taken up by his present publishers and
is now receiving from them a regular
stipend. Under this arrangement he i
engaged on another novel which he will
have finished early in the spring. With
the praise of the London Academy for
this young writer ringing in our ears,
it is reasonable to infer that his for
mer publishers will regret not having
given him better treatment. The bind
ing up of five copies of a book in order
to carry out all that the publishing
contract legally demands is one of the
most unheard of proceedings—particu
larly difficult to understand in the light
of the author's cordial reception oy the
leading critics of England into the
ranks of the best authors of the year.
Enough books have been published
this fall to make interesting compari
sons. The most noted authors—Kip
ling, Hope, Weyman, Zack, etc.—were
first in the field, a fact which on the
whole is an advantage to the lesser lit
erary lights who were fortunate
enough to be delayed until the season
was under way. But the most note
worthy feature of the present output is
the falling oil in sales of the famous
authors. Kipling’s Kim easily ranks
as the best book of the year in fiction,
yet, as one said of it recently, “Kipling
lias written a book in Kim that will
make more fame for him than money.
However, as Kipling received $25,0i)
for the several rights of Kim, he may
be regarded as ahead of the game. Of
the twelve best books of fiction se
lected by a London commutes, only
two or three have exceeded a sale of
50,000 copies. “But for the blessed prop
and stay of serial rights,” says one
author, “I should be in the poor house,”
and doubtless this is the situation with
many other of the notables. Some of
these have hals a falling off of 90 per
cent, in book sales.
The publication of "The Life and
Letters of John Richard Green," re
cently revealed to many the reftson
why the "History of the English, Peo
ple" by this distinguish author,' did
not treat more of the part English lit
erature played in national affairs after
1860. In one of his letters. Mr. Green
explains that when he reached the year
1660 he was suddenly impressed with
the fact that sometime and somewhere
his book must come to an end. His
publishers lnsiseted that 800 pages
should be the limit. It was necessary
then to let some of his matter go, and
the author deliberately chose litera
ture as the part which he should
throw overboard. At some length he
explains his reluctance in coming to
this decision—ho was anxious to do
justice to the famous writers of his
time, for one thing, but the true his
torical spirit, as he understood it, urg
ed him to sacrifice his personal pref
erences. Literature, he explained,
ceased to stand in the fore front of na
tional characteristics after 1660. Sci
ence and industry played the greater
part and therefore he was obliged to
let them take precedence in his work.
Green’s letters were edited by Mr.
Leslie Stephens, who has shown bis
superior fitness for editorial tasks, by
his work on the National Biography
Shakespeare, etc. He has shown, or
rather the letter themselves have
shown, that Green was something
more than a historian, something more
than a mere lover of books. He left
a fascinating record of his own life
which shows unmnstakable literary
quality.
Richard Whiting, known in this
country as the author of "No. 5 John
Street," was reported to be danger
ously ill not long ago. He is now back
at his desk working at another novel.
The long years which Mr. Whiting
served as leader writer for the London
Dally News doubtless had much to do
with his illness. Most of his newspaper
work was done at night, and for sev
eral years, Mr. Whiting spent parts of
his days studying the sorts of condi
tions which are shown so vividly In
"John Street." To this day, American
visitors in London Insist on having No.
6 John street pointed out to them be
cause they could not believe the house
did not actually exist. The author
compiled whole volumes of notes on
slum and labor subjects, which be
came the material for his book.
Mias Lafayette McLaws Is a young
woman who makes a bid for fame In
"When the Land Was Young,” a his
torical novel which hue been well re-
ceived. The reason I say Miss Lafay
ette McLaws is a young woman is be
cause a recent review of her book in a
very prominent journal called her Mr.
McLaws several times in a single col
umn. Agnes C. Laut, who signs her
books, A. C. Laut, had a similar expe
rience. The names, George Eliot, John
Oliver Hobbes and Lucas Malet, are
stumbling blocks to the unintiated.
I have frequently seen rediculous at
tempts at publicity, but the following
is about the worst. The English publi
cation of a book recently brought out
here with several portrait illustrations,
was issued without the American pic
tures, and the explanation given was
that the author was so well known in
certain social and diplomatic circles
abroad that the portraits of herself
would at once establish her identity.
Of course, her identity must be kept
hidden—what rot! No one abroad has
yet taken the trouble to send for an
American copy of the book, in order to
discover which particular Princess
wrote the contents.
“What’s What,” is the title of a gen
eral mine of information, misinforma
tion and opinion recently published.
The whole work contains some 900.000
words. The compiler says he wrote 350,-
000 of them.
Under the head of Advice to Editors,
he gives the following—submitted to
the public without comment;
All articles are too long and most
should not be written.
News, rather than opinion.
Avoid a series.
Suspect criticism and leave It out If
possible.
Don't let your contributors be per
sonal; that’s an editorial privilege.
An editor does not argue; he asserts.
All contributions should be cut occa
sionally—keeps the staff in order.
An editor should be grumpy—that’s
business.
Editors have enemies but no friends.
The former are persons of the lowest
character; the latter, if they existed,
would be the angelic host.
No contribution is better than the
paper deset ves.
A contributor should always be
thanked (even if he be dismissed) but
never praised.
Everyone is to work all day and
every day if required—he does it him
self!
An editor’s judgment is infallible.
His pen. however, sometimes "slips.”
Never apologize—except to insult.
Mistakes are inevitable—misstate
ments excusable, compensation incon
ceivable.
Full acquaintance with law of libel
is necessary.
Never see clergymen, inventors or
educators.
Never take a favor.
Be liberal with your best men and
mean with your worst.
Bully your staff—but discreetly.
Have at least one, if possible two
“close" days in every week.
Read the provincial papers.
Always notice but never mention a
rival periodical.
Praise actors, picture dealers, dress
makers, politicians of your own party,
sailors, sportsmen, popular novelists,
and music halt singers. “Take It out”
of men of science, religion, literature
and art; these last only make good
copy when they do wrong.
MODERN FABLES
BY GEORGE ADE.
A Drove of Mavericks was herded
every 1 Night In a sad European Hotel.
One of them was a Lady-Killer, who
didn’t deny it. He had left a Trail of
Broken Hearts from Penobscot, Me., to
Puget Sound. He had a Style of Beauty
made familiar by the Wood-Cuts in the
Weekly Story Paper. He was the Po
lice Gazette’s Idea, of a Gent. Also he
was an identical Ringer for the polish
ed Villiian of the Ten-Twent-and-Thirt
Repertoire Troupe. He a long,
silky Gambler’s Mustaohe and he wore
embroidered Suspenders. He was Ele
gant In every Detail. Trust him for
that.
His name should have been Chilton
Travers or Lionel Lyndhurst, 'but his
Parents could not foretell that he
would grow up to be a manicured once
a Week, so they called him Bill.
He wore Satin Fronts and Velvet Col
lars and put BrlTliantine on the Mus
tache. Bill had massive Jewels on each
hand and a Watch-Charm the size of a
Padlock. When he had combed his Hialr
so that It stood up In front, a Va the
Polite Brakeman, and whitened him
self with Talcum Powder and splash
ed himself with Musk and eaten a few
Cacbous to perfume the Breath, he was
more than Satisfied witlh himself. He
wore sharp-toed Patent Leathers with
Green Tops at all Hours of the Day
and Night. Bill read the "Smart Set’’
every Month and told how mudh his
Clothes cost and before he had con
versed with a Stranger very long he
would bring up the Subject of Silk Un
derwear. One of the yearning Ambitions
of his Life wa to own a S^al-Skln
Overcoat. „
Wlhen Bill was on the Road there
was never a Waitress with a waspy
Waist and high-heeled Shoes that did
not tremble violently when she handed
hint his Tenderloin of Beef Larded
with Mushrooms. It is not often that a
poor Working Girl gets a Chance to
see the real Kafoozalutn, although she
often reads about him in The Duchess.
At the Hotel which he illuminated
with ills Presence, Bill was wont to
gather a few Friends about him and
tell of all the Happy Homes he had
wrecked He let It be understood that
when he held up one Finger atid whis
tled, they came running from all Direc-
U h'|s Stock Narrative always began
with a Scene In a Parlor Car. Accord
ing to his Tell It was practically Im
possible for him to ride any Distance
In n Pullman without having some
Society Girl of ravishing Beauty fix
a hungry Gaze on him and begin to
wig-wag for a Better Acquaintance.
She was usually the Daughter of a
Cincinnati Millionaire-, with a Swell
SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS; SUNDAY. DECEMBER S. 190 L
What Is Life Without Health?
By the use of Haggard’s Specific
Tablets, thousands have been restored
to health and saved from a premature
grave. They are an absolute Specific
for Indigestion, Nervous Debility, Con
stipation, Kidney and Bladder trouble,
Sexual Weakness, Impotency, Seminal
Losses. Lost Manhood, etc., they never
fail. Haggard Tablets are the product
of the latest, most skillful and learned
research in Materia Medica and are
different from all other remedies o| the
class. They begin at the seat of the
disease, and act directly and speeific-
Elly upon the Mucus, Gland, Venal
and Nerve Structures, and give vital
effect to the tissue of which the struc
tures are formed, cleansing the entire
system from all impurities, giving re
newed vitality and vigorous health.
Call on your druggists and try them. If
they can’t supply you, they can be had
on receipt of price from the Haggard
Specific Cos.. 404 Norcrosg Building, At
lanta, Ga. Price $1 per box, or six
boxes for $5. Booklet-of testimonials
sent free on application. Sold by Ltpp
man Bros.. Savannah.
Have a waste paper basket like a
bucket, a constitution like a horse, a
revolving arm chair and a heart like a
nether millstone.
Herbert Brewster.
MID-WINTiITFOOTBALL.
The Fun Loft in anil ilie Hard
Knocks Taken Out.
For those who like to play football
on the milder days of the winter, and
who want lively exercise without
roughness or danger or the necessity
of special clothing and yet with plenty
of fun and excitement, a game which
has recently been contrived is admira
bly adapted. Its great advantage is
that it needs no specially prepared field
or elaborate lines, and that five on a
side are plenty to make good sport,
while as few as three, or as many, if
the field be large enough, as 11 or. a
side may play. Take, for example, a
game where there are five players on
a side: A’s team against X’s. All that
is required is a fairly level space, a
regular oval pig-skin football, and two
goal posts, the size of the regulation
goal, but with the cross-piece only a
yard from the ground. The field for a
game of five on a side should be ap
proximately 80 yards long and 30 yards
wide.
Now suppose that A's team has the
bail. It Is placed 20 yards in front of
the goal for the kick-off. A’s team lines
up on a level with the ball. To cover
the field well. X's side will dispose
themselves about as in the accompany
ing diagram. A kicks, full and fair, and
the opposing team starts for the ball,
which is not in play till It touches one
of them. Suppose the ball flies toward
A", and he sees that he can catch it
on the fly. He may now do one of two
things; either make a fair catch, or
catch and run with the ball toward the
opponent's goal. In the former case, he
calls out “Fair catch,” and if he
catches he may, without opposition ad
vance the ball five paces. It is then
put in play for his side from that spot.
If, however, he elects to catch and
run it back, he may run with it until
Copyright, 1001. by Robert Howiird Rawll.
Place on Walnut Hill, or mayhap he
learned afterward that she belonged
to a Prominent Family living in Euclid
Avenue, Cleveland. If he cared to
mention Names he could tell of a cer
tain Party that moved in the very
highest Push of Fifth Avenue, who
wanted to break off an Engagement
with a Guy from Boston, and all on
his Account. He was a Devil among
the Women, and he admitted it. As
soon as a Lady had counted up nis
Rings and Lockets and got a good
whiff of the Musk, she Capitulated and
fell In a Swoon.
Sometimes, when the Pipe was draw
ing very freely, he w-ould tell all about
being invited out to spend the Even
ing with a certain Queen whose Fath
er owned one of the principal Banks
in Omaha. To prove that all he said
was True, he would show a Pink En
velope with Sealing Wax on the back
of it.
Those who had obtained a Flash ol’
these Missives noticed that they were
addressed in Blue Ink, with a little
Curly Tail to each Capital Letter, thus
proving that they must have been
written by Heiresses.
One Peculiar Fact in connection with
the Killings made by this Commercial
Don Juan was that all the Victims
of his Fatal Beauty lived at least 200
miles away. Here in the Town which
was Headquarters for him, he seemed
comparatively Harmless. He could
put on his fawn-colored Prince Albert
with a Red Carnation and a Jaundice
colored Cravat, and carry his gold
headed Cane all up and down the main
Thoroughfares and then come back to
the European Hotel without having
any of the Elite tagging after him and
trying to Date him up. In fact, if he
hadn’t Confessed so often, no one
would have suspected that Rainbow
Bill, the human Mardl Gras, had ever
cut any Melons outside of the Switch
men’s Ball.
At this same Hotel there lived two
or three Young Fellows who did not
use Brilliatlne or Scented Soap and not
on# of them had ever made Cruel Sport
of the trusting Affections of a Rail
way President's only Child. They
thought they were good and lucky If
they could sally out after Nightfall
and while away a careless Hour with
a few nice Stenographers and Music-
Teachers. All they expected was a lit
tle Coon Stuff on the Piano and then
some Dutch Lunch.
It happened that they told the Girls
about Rainbow Bill who lived dowp at
the Hotel and was receiving come
baek-to-me letters every Minute or two
from the Leaders of Kansas City's 400
nnd thi' Prize Beauties of Lexington.
Ky., to say nothing of the Hot Looker
whose Old Man had Just built ft $260,000
Hut outside of Philadelphia. The Girls
•aid they would like to meet one who
touched —not tackled, but merely tagg
ed, by any man of the other team who
was behind the ball when it was kicked
off. The ball is then down for his side,
at the spot where he was touched and
is put into play from there. If the
leather is not oaught on the fly it Is
put into play on the spot where It is
finally stopped, but cannot be run back
or advanced from there.
After the kick-off X’s side has the
ball, and must return it either by punt
or drop kick. The kicking is done in
the alphabetical order of names, each
player taking his turn. The first kick
for X’s side is therefore by V, and the
ball is turned over to him by what
ever player caught it or stopped it. He
may return it from the spot where it
was “down,” or from any part of the
field not forward of that line. For A’s
side, B has next kick; then comes W,
then C, then X, then D, and so on. Any
player may catch and advance the ball,
but only the one whose turn it is may
kick. 'Hie object is, of course, to gtiln
ground, and to return the ball into a
part of the field not covered by the en
emy’s formation. If -the ball goes out
of the side lines, it is put. in play from
the line where it crossed through the
boundaries. Presently one side will
have worked the ball far enough down
to try for goal. The trial may be either
by punt or drop kick. The ball must
go between the air space marked by
the goal posts alt any highit over the
cross bar, but it does not count a goal
if it he caught on the fly by the de
fenders of the goal behind the goal line.
If the trial for goal falls the other side
punt out from their goal line. Re
member that the trial for goal may al
ways be made from directly in front, as
the ball may be carried straight across
the field in either direction -after a down
before kicking. After a goal the side
defending the goal kicks off again. If
the ball is successfully carried by one
side behind the opposing goal line it
may be brought out directly in front
of the goal for a kick for goal.
It will be found that after a little
practice the passing and kicking will
be very fast, and will keep both sides
on the jump to cover the field and pre
vent the ball from being run back too
far. Quickness and accuracy of Judg
ment, surene=s of catch, fleetness of
foot, and ability to place punts, four of
the most valuable qualities in regular
football, will soon be devolped by this
game, which Is lively enough to fur*,
nish plenty of excitement and exercise.
If desired, Interference may form and
protect the man running with the ball,
though this makes the play rougher,
and la likely to result in some sharp
collisions and hard tumbles.
Forty Modern
Fables
By GEORGE ADE
Amusingly sarcastic narratives of the W ise
Piker, the Once-a-Wceker from Town,
Thing and the rest of the Bunch.
Price $1.50
For sals by *ll de&lsrs or mailed,
postpaid, on receipt of price
R. H. Rl;sSEl7u
5 West 29th St„ New York
The Modern Fable of the He-Flirt Who
Was Very Jimpsy in the Hotel Office
but a Phoney Piece of Work When
Turned Loose in a Flat.
had got in right with so many of the
First Families, but they were afraid
that he wouldn’t pause to dally with
them, seeing that they .were on Salary.
Perhaps one occustomed to show off in
a spacious Drawing Room would find
his Style more or less cramped when
thrown Into the 6x9 Parlor of a $22
Flat. However, the Boys said they
would try to Inveigle Rainbow Bill.
Only, they gave Fair Warning that he
claimed to be a Sorcerer and that after
he looked a Soubrette in the Eye and
made a couple of Passes, she was his
Willing Sluve and took Orders from no
one else. The Girls said they were
ready o take a Chance. Besides they
had been Vaccinated.
The Boy with the Wardrobe of many
Colors did not show any Eagerness
when told that he was wanted up at
the Flat. He began to back Water nnd
fake up Excuses. They had to tell him
that the Girls had Seen him on the .
Street and were dying for an Introduc- i
tlon. At last he fixed himself up un
til he smelled like the front part of a
Drug Store and they took him In Tow. |
He begun to lose out’ from the Min
ute that he came up the front Steps.
His Reputation had preceded him and
it was the kind that would sink a
Ship. The nifty tailor-made Damsel
of 1901 doesn’t ask any better Sport
than to walk up and down on the ton
sorlal Wretch who fancies that he Is
Irresistible. As soon ns a Man bills
himself as a Girl-Tamer, the whole So
rority wants to get out and stab him
to death with Hat-Pins. For some
Reason, the latest variety of New Wo
man resents the Suggestion that she Is
a Soft Maj-k for the eurb-stone Masher
who stands In front of Cigar Stores
and does the Ogle.
It may have been True that Rainbow
BUI cut a wide Swath In Kansas City
and visited all the warm Tamales in
St. Paul, but up in the dinky Flat he
was one cold Portion of Lobster ala
Newburg. The Girls sparred him back
Into a Corner and kidded him to a
Frazzle. They passed the Sarcastic
Shots at the Rate of one per Second
with no Return, although frequently
he had told that he was a great Hand
for Repartee. They hurled the Jave
lins lnt> him until he curled bite a
Rubber nand. The fascinating M iles
that had played such Havoc among
the Soclaty Belles at othar Points
somehow refused to come to the Sur
face. All he could do was shift his
Legs and look Sheepish. In the whole
course of the Evening he found his
Voice 8 times, but he didn’t sny any
thing that would have Induced a < Irt
to liMve her comfortable Home. After
the first half hour they wouldn't have
known that he was there at nil. If he
hadn’t got In the Way occasionally.
MORAL; Copper all ConlwMons.
MR. DOOLEV ON ART PATRONAGE.
BY R. F\ DUNNE.
Copyrighted, lftOl, by Robert Howard HuatelW
"I see in this pa-aper,’’ said Mr.
Dooley, “they'se a fellow kickin’ be
cause an American painther ain't got
anny chanst again foreign conipyti
tion.”
“Sure,” said Mr. Hennessy; "he's aisy
displazed. I nlver knew th’ business
to be betther. Wages is*high an’ ’tis
a comfortable thrade barrin' colic.”
“I don’t mane that kind iv pain
thers,” said Mr. Dooley. "I don’t mane
th’ wans that paints ye'er barn, but
th' wans that paints a pitcher iv ye'er
barn an’ wants to sell it to ye f'r more
thin th’ barn is worth. This man says
no matther how industhrees an Ameri
can painther is, no matther if he puts
on his overalls arly in th’ mornin' an'
goes out with a laddher an’ whales
away all day long, he can hardly am
a livin’, while th’ pauper artists iv
Europe is fairly rowlln' in th’ lap Iv
luxury. Manny a la’ad that started In
life with th’ lntintion iv maltin’ th’
wurruld f'get that what's his name —■
Hogan's frind—ye know who I mane —
Michael Angelo tver lived, is now glad
to get a. job decoratin' mountain scen
ery with th’ latest news about th’ lit
tle liver pills.
“Ye see, Hinnissy. whin a man gets
hold iv a large hatful iv neegotyable
money, wan iv th’ first things he does
is to buy some art. Up to th’ time
whin th’ ton blew off th’ stock mar
ket, he bought his art out Iv th’ front
window iv a news an’ stationery shop
or. had it put in be th’ paper hanger.
He took *V Sundah pa-apers that are
a gr-reat help if ye're coTTectlh' art,
an' he had some pitchers iv fruit that
looks natural enough to ate, d'ye mind,
a natntin’ iv a deer like th’ wan lie
shot at in th’ Manotowisn counthry
in eighty-eight, an’ a livin’ likeness iv
a Lake Supeeryor white fish on a sil
ver plate. That was th’ peeryod. mind
ye, whin th’ iron dogs howled on his
lawn an' people came miles an' miles
f’r to see a grotto made out iv relics
iv th’ Chicago fire.
“Menetime his daughter was illus
tratin' suspinders an’ illuminatin’ china
plates an’ becomin* artistic, an’ afther
awhile -whin th’ ttme come that he had
to keep a man at th' dure to sweep out
th’ small bills, she give him a good
push to'rd betther things. Besides, Ills
oardner down th' sthreet had bevun
collectin' pitchers an’ ivry time he wint;
abroad, th' mannnyfacthrers iv pitcher
frames bought new autymobilos f'r th’
Chappe All Easy. So ’twas a soft mat
ther f’r our frind Higbie to be per
suaded that he ought to be a pa’hron
iv art, an’ he wint abroad detarmined
to buy a bunch iv ehromos that’d make
people come out iv th’ gallery iv his
pardner down th’ sthreet stifiin their
laughter in their hands.
“Now, ye’d think seein* that he made
his money in this counthry. h e *
thronize American art. Yed be i
he'd sind wurrud down to his
r/to secure forty feet Iv KvansviUe
be moonlight an’ be con-tint. But he
don’t.
THE INSTALLMENT PLAN.
A Moving Day Story.
By J. O. Northrup.
They had Just moved from a suite
in Huntington avenue to a modest
little house In Newton.
He had had a slight raise In salary,
she had experienced a great raise in
spirits, and as a result they both
sought for a raise In position— they
wanted to be considered "swagger.
No one knew them in Newton, so
affectation on their part would aPPMJ
as a reality to the neighbors, and If
they (the neighbors) would only not
look when their limited supply of fur
niture was being moved in, success
seemed certain. .
Now they had occupied only four
rooms in Huntington avenue, so. of
course, they (ltd not have enough fur
niture to make a good showing In a
real house, in fact, all the worldly
goods of this happy couple could easily
be accommodatel in one wagon.
The woman was the first to arrive
at the new home. She tripped smartly
up the steps, looking straight ahead
of her, just as if she had moved nearly
every year, but all the time hoping
that someone was watching her.
Once inside she proceeded to wait
for the furniture, which had started
several hours before. She spent most
of the time while waiting In looking
out of the window, and hoping that
no one would notice the furniture when
It arrived .
At last a rumble of wheels told her
that the wagon had come. It had, for
there were the men lifting out the
hair sofa. '
Piece by piece, article by article, the
men took the furniture from the
wagon and laid it on the lawn prepara
tory to taking It into the house. The
little woman "didn't see why they
didn’t take it In a piece at a time," and
noticed that two little boys were
bouncing up and down on the sofa.
Then it was that she saw neighbors,
large and small, peeping out of win
dows, "taking in" the furniture. At
the same time she saw her husband
coming up the street. He needed a shave
and his trousers were bagged at the
kr.ees.
Finally all had been taken Into the
house and piled up In the hall; husband
and wife were alone In their new home
with all their furniture. She gave a
little sigh, and then burst Into sobs.
“What's the matter?” asked the man.
COCKROACHES, SATER BUGSt
RATS, MICE and all other vermin eat
Stearns’ Elactric
Rat and Roach Paste
and die, leaving no odor, as one ingredient dries tip their
bodies. It has been in general use in houses, stores,
hotels, factories, offices, public buildings, etc., for 25 yrs.
I 16 cents s box at Druggists and Grocers or sent direct prepaid.
STEARNS’ ELECTRIC PASTE CO., Cl cago, IPs.
"Ye don't catch Higbie changin' iv
anny iv his dividends on domestic fin
ished art. He Jumps on a boat a.n’
goes sthraight aerost to th’ eiuthral
deepo. The first thing he gets is a por
thrait iy himsilf be wan iv th’ gr-reat
modhren masthers, Sargent be name.
This here Sargent. Hogan tells me,
used to live in this counthry, an’ faith,
if he’d stayed here ye might see him
to-day on a stagin’. But he had a
mind in his head an’ he tore oft f’r
Europe th’ way a duck hunter goes
f’r a rice swamp. An’ afther
awhile, Higbie shows up an’
says lie: ‘l'm Higbie iv th' Non-Ad
hesive Consolidated Glue Company,’ he
says. 'Can ye do me?’ ‘I can an’ will,’
says Sargent. ‘l'll do ye good. How
much have ye got?’ he says. 'Get some
more an’ come around.' he says. An’
Higbie .puts on his Prince Albert coat
an’ leaves it open so that ye can see
his watch charm —th' crown iv Poland
with th' Kohlnoor In th’ top iv it—
an’ me frind Sargent does him brown
an' red. He don’t give him th’ pitcher
iv coorse. If ye have ye'er porthralt
painted be a. gr-reat painther, it’s ye'er
porthralt, but 'tis his pitcher an’ he
keeps it till ye don't look that way an
ny more. So Higbte’s porthralt is hung
up in a gallery an’ th’ doctors brings
people to see it that ar-re sufferin’ fr’m
narvous dyspepsia to cheer thim, up.
Th’ pa-apers says ’tis fine.’ Number
108 shows Sargent at his best. There
is th’ same marvellous ttcknick that
th’ great master showed in his cilly
brated take-off on Mrs. Maxenheimer In
last year's gallery. Th' skill an’ ease
with which th’ painther has made a
monkey tv his victim are beyond praise.
Sargent has torn th’ sordid heart out
!v th’ wretched crather an’ exposed It
to the wurruld. Th’ wicked, ugly little
oyee.Ti: crooked nnse. th’ huge graspin’
hands, tell th’ story iv this misereent’s
character as completely as If they were
written In so manny wurruds, while
th’ artist with wondherful malice has
painted onto th’ face a smile Iv sick
enin’ sllf-complacency that Is positive
ly disgustin'. No artist Iv our day has
succeeded so well in showln’ up th’
maneness iv th’ people he has mugged.
We ondershtand that the atrocious
Higbie paid wan hundherd thousan’
dollars f’r this comic valentine. It Is
worth th’ money to iverybody but him.’
“But Higbie don’t se th' pa-aper.
He's over in Paris. Th' chimes are
rung, boneflres are lighted in th’
sthreets an’ th' Pannyma. Com'ny de
clares a dividend whin he enters th’
city. They'se such a demand f’r paint
that th' supply runs out an’ manny
gr-reat imprlshonist pitcher fathries Is
foorced to use bluein'. Higbie ordhers
paintin’s be th' ton, th’ r-runnin' foot,
th’ foot pound, th' car load. He in
sthruets th’ pitcher faethrles to wurruk
night an’ day till his artistic sowl Is
satisfied. We follow his coorse in th'
pa-apers. ’Th’ clllybrated Galnesbor
ough that nlver wud be missed has
been captured by Misther Higbie, th’
American millyionaire. Th’ price paid
is said to be wan hundherd thousan’
dollars. Th’ pitcher reprisints a lady
in a large hat fondlin’ a cow. It is
wan iv th’ finest Gainsboroughs paint
ed be th’ Gainsborough Mannyfacthr
in’ Comp'ny iv Manchester. At th’ las’
"Why, we haven’t half enough furni
ture, and you need a shave, and the
neighbors—oh--oh.”
"Well, dear, don’t let that worry you.
I know a place where we can get all
the furniture we want on the Install
ment plan—a little now and then. I
will make use of my raise In paying
the Installments for enough new fur
niture to fill the house.”
"Oh, you dear,” Joyously exclaimed
the wife, now looking Jubilant through
a mist of tears.
Next day. true to his word, the hue- ,
hand ordered a lot of things from one
of the furniture houses, to be paid for
on the installment plan.
It could not hurt their reputation In
Newton, for no one would ever know,
the clerk said so. Again the little
woman went to the house and waited.
“The neighbors will think that we
had two wagons full,” she said to
herself.
Soon the ball rang, and the woman
stepped to answer It.
She opened the door and knew that
there was a man on the porch, but she
did not see him. Her eyes were strain
ed to a point Just beyond him—to the
wagon which contained the furniture.
It was red, yellow, green and other
colors. It looked like a circus wagon,
only more so; but the colors did not
gladden the artistic sense of the matron
—it was to the sides of the w'ogan
that her gazp was directed, for there,
in large black and gold letter, was
the inscription:
NO MONEY DOWN.
YOUR CREDIT IS GOOD.
ONE DOLLAR A WEEK IS ALL WE
ASK.
And horros of horrost—the neighbors
were looking!
THE SEVEN STEPS SOCIAL.
Air Form of Bllndma n’a Tin ft
That Is Sure to Be Popular.
We had such a Jolly time one evening
last week at a Seven Steps Social giv
en by the Neighborhood Club. The Idea
was new to u, and. as we are all de
voted to lively games, it scored an in
stantaneous success with our party,
and, Judging from the laughter, with
every one else as well.
Perhaps other boys and girls In
search of fun will welcome the idea and
a little description.
As soon as the entire company had
come together we out cards to decide
which player should be blindfolded, as
the blind man Is an Important figure
In the game. The person drawing the
public sale, it was sold f’r thirty dol
lars. Misther Higbie has also purchas
ed th’ clllybrated Schmartzmeister
Hobooma., wan iv th’ mos’ horrible ex
amples tv this delightful painther’s
style. He is now negotyatin’ with th’
well-known dealer Mooeoo Mortheimer
f’r th’ intlre out-put iv th’ Barabazah
School. Yisterdah In a call on th’ jan
ial dealer, th’ name iv th’ clllybrated
painther, Mooney, was mintioned. ’How
manny pitchers has he painted?’ ‘Four
hundherd an’ forty-three thousan’ at
iliven o’clock to-day,' says th’ dealer.
‘But four hunderd thousan’ lv thim ar
re in America.’ ‘Get th' r-rest iv
thim f’r me,’ says th’ connysoor. ‘What
did ye say th* gintleman's name was?’
We ondershtand that Misther Mooney
has had to put in two new four-deck
machines to meet th' ordhers, which in
clude thirty green an’ mauve haystacks,
forty blue barns or childher at play,
an’ no less thin ninety riprisintations lv
mornin’ at sea, moonlight avenin’, flock
Iv sheep, or whativer ye may call thim.’
’’An' whin he comes home, he hangs
thim in his house, so that his frinds
can’t turn around without takin’ off a
pasthral scene on their coats, an' he
pastes th’ price on th’ frame an’ whin
he dies, he laves his pitcher to some
deflnceless art museem. An’ there ye
ar-re.
"So I tell ye, Hinnissy. If I was a
young an’ ambitious American painth
er. I’d go to Europe. Whin Hannigan
was over there, he met a young man
that painted that fine head lv Murphy
that looks so much like Casey that
hangs in Scliwartzmeister’§ back room.
’Ar-re ye still at th’ art?’ says Hanni
gan. ’I am,’ says th’ young man.
'How does it go?' asks Hannigan. 'l’ve
more thin I can do,’ says th’ young
man. ‘Since steel rails got so high,
I’ve had to hire an assistant. Ye see,
I didn’t get on In Chicago. Me
“Brldgepoort in a Fog “was th’ on'y
pitcher I sold, an' a sausage manny
facthrer bought that because his fao
thry was In It. I come over here, an'
■o's me pitchers will have a fair show.
I sign annyman’s name ye want to
thim. Ye’ve heerd lv Michael Angelo?
That’s me. Ye've heerd lv Gainesbor-.
ouglv" That’s me. Ye’ve heerd lv Mil
let, th’ boy that painted th' pitcher
give away with th’ colored suppllmtnt
Iv th’ SUndah Howk? That’s me. Yls,
sir, th’ rale name iv near ivry distin
guished painther iv modhren times la
Remsen K. Smith. Whin ye go home.
If ye see a good painther an’ glaxier
that'd like a Job as assistant Rlm
brandt f’r th' American thrade, slnd
him to me. F'r,’ he says, ’th’ on’y
place an American artist can make a
livin’ Is here. Charity f'r artists,’ ha
says, ’begins abroad,’ he says.
"Well,” said Mr. Hennessy, “per
haps a bum European pitcher is bet
ther thin a good American pitcher.”
“Perhaps so,” said Mr. Dooley. “I
think it is so. Annyhow, no matther
how bad a pajhther he is, annywan
that can get money out iv an American
millyionaire Is an artist an' desarves
It. There’s th’ rale art. I wish tt
was taught In th' schools. I’d like
to see an exhibition at th’ Museem with
‘Check iv American Gintieman,
Dhrawn fr'm life,’ hung on th* wall.”
lowest card was duly bandaged.
We were then Informed that, after
i the bell rang, we would each have sev
en steps for use In escaping from the
blind man, who wae called the "Buf
fer,” and were advised to take up our
Positions In portions of the room where
wo would Judge ourselves safest fixwn
, his attacks.
I Corners, curtains and recesses were
| all legal as hiding places, but standing
! upon chairs, table* or other furniture
: was vetoed under pain of forfeiting
1 points.
The seven steps, as I said, were to be
used In escaping when the Buffer ap
proached our retreats. The player cap
tured, we were told, would be forced
to become bltndman; and he or she
wtho when the game ended should have
served fewest times in the capacity of
buffer would win the prize.
After this explanation a bell rang
and away we all flew to take up our
positions. A minute later another bell
gave the buffer permission to set out
uopn his hunting expedition. '
The next moment the room rang with
the gayest sort of a frolic. The buffer
played his part capitally, and kept us
all quivering. it was thrilling
to feel him fumbling around
your retreat, but maddening to
waste one of the precious sev
en steps unless one was In positive
danger, since, after the steps were ex
pended one would be obliged to stand
perfectly still and take his chances of
being caught. When It came to close
quarter we bobbed, we dodged, ducked,
swayed this way or thht. Did every
thing. In fact, to escape except take
a step. But sometimes his attentions
became so pressing that u step or rath
er a spring became necessary. When
this occurred we made the step as long
as possible in order to get as much as
possible out of the privilege.
This continued for fully ten minutes:
but at last one unwary player who had
rashly expended her quota of steps
was captured. She became buffer ex
actly as the first person and the game
began anew, each having a fresh sup
ply of seven steps. T forgot to say
that bdng blindman by lot. the first
time, did not count against the player
or disqualify him for the prize.
There were six buffers and six games
or rounds. All those who were never
captured drew for the prizes, which,
for both gentleman and lady, were
handsome handkerchiefs, suggestive of
the blindfolding in the game.
After the stirring events of the first
hour and a half we were ready to par
take of refreshments, but the club hud
still a trial of skill In store for us.
The dining room folding doors were
thrown open, displaying a table re
cently decorated and loaded down with
good things. Each player was then
blindfolded in turn, given a fork and
spoon and told to help himself to the
viands. He was given two minutes to
make up his selection. The dishes were
to be touched with fork and spoon
only. Naturally each convive was sup
posed to go about making his selec
tion In a careful and quiet fashion, so
as to destroy nothing.
The fun and chafing which occurred
when each player tore off his hand
kerchief and examined his plate can
be readily imagined. This preliminary
selection was, of course, merely a
"catch.” When all had been put
through their paces we returned to the
table, wearing no bandages, and chose
our supper as fancy dictated.
Brennan & Go.,
—WHOLWALBL-
Fruit, Produce,
Grain, etc.,
W BAY STREET, WBOT.
Tel, phone Mg
OLD NEWSPAPERS. K 0 for K cento, al
Business Office Morning News
25