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NEW YORK TOPICS.
„, K Ts AND BSDBRCTBRESTS OP
the metropolis.
Ib e City I a Hard Smoker Nonr.
mi'kne* and Soot Cover the Just
jml 1 lijnat—Police CoiumlsMioncr
partridge’s ShaUe-ui) and Its Woe.
lU I E fleets —The Great Peter De
laov. Mammoth of the Pool Room
M „ r |d. Is Routed Hoofs.' Horns and
Hide by Man Prom the Village
0 j Brooklyn—Central Park's Parl-
Condition—'The Bronx Man and
,he Bronx Monkey.
\; e x York, June 20. —Such gloom as
&as never before draped this city dark
ens it now. It is a visible', tangible,
re spirable gloom; its popular, or rather
unpopular, name is that double-quali
soft coal smoke. If you want to
see the prevailing darkness lit up by
lurid Hashes, just ask the first man
vou meet how he'likes the soft coal.
U first warning of what was coming,
* N - ew Yorkers regarded the matter as
somewhat insignificant. Every man
said, "Well, it won’t affect me much.
Anyway, it’ll last only a short time.
The first week they stood it uncom
plainingly. The second week they be
gan to grumble; now the whole city
is in a ferment of fury against the
soft coal burners. That which was no
body's concern in particular is now
every man’s concern. How can it help
but be when It is written across his
face in letters of smut. We think of
nothing, we talk of nothing, we
breathe nothing but soft coal smoke.
The news that criminal proceedings are
to be instituted at once against th'e
elevated railroad system has been
greeted with universal satisfaction.
The fact is that many concerns are
burning soft coal, not because they
haven't plenty of hard coal in stock,
but because they are saving money by
it. Some weeks ago I referred to a
statement by a high official of the Met
ropolitan Street Railway Company
that the company always kept a six
months’ supply of hard coal on hand
as a precaution against strike or block
ade. This I find to be true in a lesser
degree of corporations which confine
large amounts of fuel. Nearly all of
them have from one to six months’
reserve fund of coal. It follows, there
fore, that those who are befouling the
air with soot are simply taking a dis
honest advantage of the strike situa
tion and the supposed tolerance en
gendered in the police mind. More
over. they are using an inferior grade
of soft coal. The result is that the
city which a few weeks ago was the
cleanest great city in America or Eu
rope. is a derision to the visitor from
anywhere and everywhere, who wipes
the grime from his forehead with a
streaky handkerchief and devoutly
wishes himself back in the clearer air
of his home.
The elevated roads have been sin
gled out for prosecution because they
deliver the defilement closest at hand
and are therefore subject to the most
complaint. Sixth and Ninth avenues,
in particular, where only steam trains
are run on the elevated, are caverns
of darkness through which unhappy
citizens plunge, gasping and splutter
ing. Op threat of action the company
pleaded that it couldn’t afford to use
hard coal and added the threat that
It would close down if the soft coal
Embargo were persisted in. Of course
this is pure stuff. Should the Manhat
tan Elevated Company close down it
would lose its franchise, and some
body else would get it. It is to be
hoped that the authorities will not stop
with the elevated roads, but will follow
up all the corporations that are mak
ing the metropolis look like a perma
nent storm center.
If the physical atmosphere is grow
ing worse, the moral atmosphere seems,
to be lightening to some extent. Police
Commissioner Patridge gave his lat
est "shake-up,” which seems for the
most part to have been a half-hearted
sort of measure, an effectual feature by
transplanting some Brooklyn police of
ficials to New York. Now, police busi
ness in Brooklyn is different from that
of Manhattan Island. The training is
stricter. There is far less “graft,” par
ticularly because the chief source —the
disorderly house—is so rare in Brook
lyn as to be almost unknown. There
is no such thing as a "Tenderloin”
there. Moreover, such has been the
character of the headquarters ‘officials
in the borough across the bridge, that
their orders have been enforced pretty
literally! Consequently when Capt.
Miles O'Reilly was brought
over to Manhattan and put
in the tough Oak street precinct, vice
Captain Vredenburgh, who was re
moved to a far away precinct protest
ing at every command to "clean up this
district” literally. Here’s an instance
of how he cleaned it up. Peter De
Lacey, the "pool room king,” does bus
iness on Park Row, and does it pretty
much as he pleases. Captain O’Reil
ly calls up the patrolman on whose
beat De Lacey’s pool room is.
officer, have you got the Park Row
beat?"
Yes, sir.”
“Know Peter De Lacey when you see
him?”
N’o. sir.”
"Humph! Know the Postofflce when
you see it?”
"Yes, sir.”
Glad you know something about
J’our beat. Now, I’m going to have
You introduced to De Lacey. Who is
too roundsman who has that beat?”
“Here, sir.”
"Roundsman, do you know De Lacey
fc y sight?”
"Yes. sir.”
“Take this patrolman and Introduce
him to De Lacey.” The details of the
ceremony are not known, but shortly
*t ,f r. De Lacey was making complaints
In certain quarters and in other quar-
* Wa inquiries as to whether it would
no any goods to “see the captain.” He
* a med that it wouldn’t. What bus
inc-s he rlid on the Suburban Handi
ca l‘ was done very quietly, and its
'niume is said to have been discour
sing. in qther respects also the Oak
, 'et precinct has been greatly alter-
M by the infusion of Brooklyn
nethods.
Another Brooklyn policeman who has
"‘‘U brought to this wicked old island
ir H is enforcing the laws In a manner
r itf painful to the local branch Of the
■‘Partment Is Inspector Murphy. Sev
rjßl V'-ars ago Murphy was captain of
Jr Precinct which includes the Park
:°pe in Brooklyn. At that time the
I'vcling erase was at Its hlght and
rf!’ * of bicycling clubs sprang up
J’u headquarters on the Slope.
P eve* we r e the bane of these clubs,
and h ■ contributed as generously a* un
" - to a thriving trade In stolen
The precinct detective didn’t
' ‘ 1 take much Interest In the mat
’Then on* of th* principal clubs
upon the clover device of electing
I.* 1 ’ Murphy an honorary member of
n. lie wm much pleased. Nat
h* Moon heard of the bicycle
"'■"V neat. Ha took hold of the
hlmaelf, anil a*venal of the
’ to jail, *nd in a month render*
1 lub Immune Within *ls
li. waa an honorsiy member
than twenty wheeling club*,
•lo an hi* yet* graft wae par
' r in os mi up In Ibal pari of
4 ciijgag of Maw Tofll |
alarl at the report of Sam
bii- P I ? on *’ the c “y's landscape arch
-1"* L Central Park - who says
m-tr park is d y in S chiefly of
an?hnrtn re ' k S ° partlcu >ar have the
authorities been to remove all dead
tht V^-i a u n<l deca >' ,n & vegetation that
the soil has become impoverished, and
the splendid trees, which are the glory
awl!) 6 P aCe ’ are beginning to wither
an ay.
“What we need,’’ says Mr. Parsons,
is a systematic plan for the rebuild
ing of Central Park. We should or
ganize a force of workmen and keep
un *** *he task Is completed."
,J h ® Proper renovation. Mr. Parsons
cost from *l-500.000 to
*-.000.000. He despairs of getting any
such amount in a lump sum, but hopes
that a certain amount may be set aside
each year, for the rehabilitation of the
park, section by section. Otherwise its
natural beauties will so disappear that
in time the quiet but steady demands
or those who beiieve that the great ex
panse should be cut up into building
lots, would win the day. The gain of
the city pecuniarily would be enor
mous; probably not less than $3,000,000.
But at that, or any other price, the
notable monument left by the igno
ble Tweed would be an incalculable loss
to New York.
“Better be a monkey than a man,”
•s a saying that has come to be bit
terly popular in the Bronx. For the
monkeys and other denizens of the
Bronx Zoo are better looked after by
the city than any of the other citi
zens. They get a good supply of water,
whereas in many ijarts of the Bronx
there is a water famine of long stand
ing. Incredible as it may seem, there
are sections where many of the peo
ple beg tbelr drinking water from their
fortunate neighbors who own wells,
and buy their washing water at 25
cents a barrel from peddlers who cart
it from the river. This seems more like
a Chinese town than the most pro
gressive city in the world. Duane.
THE LITERARY OUTLOOK.
English Colnborntlon— The Anther*
of “The Experience* of nn Irl*h R.
M.”—Complete Edition of Hn*ktn.
Literary Method* of Ruakin—A New
Edition of nn TnpnhlUhed Novel.
By Herbert Brewster.
Colaboration is an art which seems
to flourish in England more than in
America. Witness the long period of
literary partnership which existed be
tween Sir Walter Besant and Mr.
James Rice, KipUng and Wolcott Bal
estier might have been doing novels
together to this day but for the un
timely death of the latter shortly af
ter the completion of “The Nanlahka.”
Perhaps it is the English disposition,
though in the case Just cited Balestier
was a transplanted American. Far out
on the Pacific washed shores of Sam
oa, Robert Louis Stevenson and Lloyd
Osborne found combined literary ef
forts congenial—another case of inter
national amity in the province of let
ters. Asa matter of fact, however, few
literary partnerships exist in this
country, and, proportionately, many
more exist in England.
One of the most successful of these
writing firms came into wide promi
nence not so long ago under the names
“Martin Ross and O. E. Somerville.”
There was considerable surprise when
it was learned that the pseudonyms
concealed the identity of two Irish
girls—cousins, Miss Violet Martin and
Miss Somerville. It had been supposed
by many, at least by those in this
country who read "The Experiences of
A.n Irish It. M.,” that the authors were
men. Even the editors who correspond
ed with them about their MSS. used
to address them as men until the au- j
MR. DOOLEY COMPARES THE
SOLDIER’S LIFE WITH THE POLICEMAN.
BY F. P. DUNNE. (Copyright, IWK. by Robert Howard Russell.)
"The’ life Iv a sojer though gloryous
is hard,” said Mr. Dooley. "Here’s
me frind, Gln’ral Fred Fustian, wan iv
th' gallantest men that has come out
iv Kansas since Stormy Jordan's day,
has been called down f’r on'y suggist
ln’ that Sinitor Hoar an’ th' rest lv
thim be hanged be th' heels. I’m with
th’ gallant gln’ral mesilf. I'm not sure
but he’d like to hang me, though as
ye know, me optnyions on th’ Ph'lip
peens is varyous an' I don’t give a
dam ayether way. If he runs me to
earth I on’y ast lv him as a fellow
pathrite, that he won't give me th’
water cure. Th’ very thought lv it
makes me flesh creep.
“But th’ Prisldint called him down.
Afther th' publication iv th’ fifteenth
speech whin ivry colledge pro-fissor in
this broad an’ fair land was undher
sintince iv death fr’m th gin ral th
prlsidint wrote to him sayin’: Dear
Fred: Me attintion has been called to
ve’er pathriotic utthrances in favor iv
Edward Atkinson on his own
cook shtove. I am informed be me
advisers that it can’t be done It
won't fry beans. So I am compllled oe
th' reg’latlons iv war to give ye a good
slap. How ar-re ye ol' commerade
in-arms? Ye ought to’ve seen me on
th’ top iv San Joon hill. Oh, that was
th' day! Iver, me dear Fred, reprov
ingly but lovingly, T. Rosenfelt, late
colonel First United States Volunteers
Calv’ry, betther known as th' Rough
Riders an’ ex-officia prisldint lv th’
United States.’ That was wan f’r Fred.
I wisht th’ same cud be handed to
Gin'ral Miles. Ivry time he opins his
mouth, if tls on'y to say ’tls a fine
day—which I must say is seldom—all
they do to him is to break his back.
" 'Tls a hard life, a but a
gloryous wan. I wisht me father had
enthered me f'r a martial career In
stead lv tadhin' me by precipt an ex
ample, as Hogan says, to be quick on
me feet In these days whin a man
gets to be a gin ral because he’s been
a long time a doctor or because he a
supprissed a naygur rite 'tls me hat
wud go boundin’ up to th top lv th lad
dh ’ e -Janooary wan, Private Dooley dis-
himself at th’ Battle lv
Ogoowan in th’ Island
rushin’ out in a perfect hell IV Putty
-1,.,11* rice, arrers, an harsh cries, an.
leisln’ th’ gin’ral lv th’ Tamales* an
ratin’ him over th’ head with his own
b *” "janooary twlnty; Col. Dooley Iv
th . hundredth an’ eighth Macabebe*
Icouts ylsterdah th’ fcaat
nuifiiivf*it part iv th uinfong
to an rsl Ainco nun In th’ prMnc*
v a Urge n' smllln 1 audj**nc#. Th’
rihil hmi
rJi.ns to th’ gallant colonel, but after
h.. had had aulHolant irrigation hi*
conversation* wa. mar* e*tlnd*d. Ho
FchTy"Hghth: Gin’ral Dool.y, th’
4v th' Pti , lliP++ni who t *t
rJh a* large spU which h* got
SffSibuf n“.ghV H* Mt-weahud
‘ *ive u th' I’h llpaan# which had
baauJalberad hr a' l '"* ,v ,h ’ *•**
in our land, h* might aar all
didn t know mwk *>ou !>'
t<,i Mon, Mi fr m what M haard abowt
SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS: SUNDAY. JUNE 22. 1902.
thors would one day walk in and an
nounce themselves by their pen nam-s.
Miss Martin and Miss Somerville are
great-granddaughters of Charles Ken
dall Bushe, formerly chief justice of
Ireland, and a great wit and orator in
bis day. He must have been a man of
extraordinary literary and artistic
tastes, because all of his descendants
have been more or less imbued with
one or the other talent. Among the
best known of these are W. G. Wills,
the dramatist; the Hon. Mrs. Greene, a
writer of short stories: Mr. Plunket
Greene, the singer, and Robert Mar
tin, a poet of no mean ability.
The two girl cousins had written a
little separately before they met. One
day they chanced upon a curious old
house, which suggested the plot of a
story. A sprained knee of one of them
started the work together. They de
cided to write a “Shilling Shocker.”
what we in America would call a “yel
low back.” Before they had gone far,
however, the shocker element dropped
out, and “An Irish Cousin” was the re
sult of their joint labors. Since then
the two have made several tours to
gether, each of which has been follow
ed by a book which relates their ex
periences. Probably the “Irish R. M.”
story is the best known and best ex
ecuted story they have written. It is
understood that another book will come
from them this fall.
Within a short time a complete edi
tion of the works of John Ruskin will
be issued, and strange as it may seem,
it will contain more matter than such
an edition would have contained had
Mr. Ruskin been living. The present
editors and publishers are of the opin
ion that Mr. Ruskin was too careful
and too exacting with his own work.
Take the case of “The Seven Lamps.’’
The manuscript as it now stands ready
for publication has had restored to it
some good words which Mr. Ruskin
had cut out. There are also numer
ous notes from diaries which the edi
tors declare are not personal chronicle,
but are pages of set literature.
Mr. Ruskin had peculiar methods of
writing, and as we have noted, he held
himself rigidly to a standard of per
fection. “Nothing was too much for
him." says Mr. George Allen, his pub
lisher, “and nothing could be too well
done. He would get up in the night,
if an idea occurred to him, In order
forthwith to put it on record. He once
said, what was very true, that he nev
er wrote a line for money. He wrote
because he had something to say. If
he had not been a rapid as well as a
careful writer, he could never have got
through so much work. I am think
ing not only of his books, but of the
many letters which he was in the habit
of writing. I think I have myself a
thousand letters from him, and most
interesting they are.”
Two of the best historical novels of
the present season locate the scenes of
their actions mainly in the Mississippi
valley. “The Mississippi Bubble" is
fairly well known, and in spite of the
fact that it is a “popular” book, it is
a piece of fiction w'llch does credit to
the author. Mr. Emerson Hough. It is
said that the publishers have delegated
to a representative the task of making
the book the best selling volume in
twenty cities. No reasonable expense
is to be spared in this plan. Just what
effect these methods will have on the
book trade is not clear. At
any rate, Mr. Hough is
to be congratulated, provided
his contract calls for a royalty on
every copy of his book sold, regard
less of the expense of its selling. The
other Mississippi novel in mind is “In
the Eagle’s Talon,” a story of the
Louisiana Purchase. The author,
Mrs. Sheppard Stevens, is not un
known to the book world, but it is
doubtful if she has done so good a
book as this last. The eagle in the
title is the great Napolean, who has
become infatuated with a cousin of the
hero. This young man, Louis Le
freniere, leaves the wild country,
where St. Louis now stands, and goes
it fr’m a man in his rig’mint who cud
spell, it wasn’t lntin-ded f'r use out Iv
coort. He thought no wan shud be 11-
ieted to Congress undher th’ rank lv
major. There was much talk iv pro
gress in lithrachoor an’ science which
he was in favor Iv hangin’. All th'
army needed was rope enough an' all
wud be well. Th' Supreme Coort was
all right, but if ye wanted justice hot
out iv th' oven, ye shud see it adinin
isthered be three or four laughin’ sub
alturns on th’ stumps iv threes, jus'
afther lunch.
“ ’March eighth: Prisldint Dooley,
chafin’ at th’ delay In th' Sinit requir
in' all clvilyans to submit their opin
yons on th' tariff to th’ neighborin’ ray
crultin' sergeant wanst a week, wint
over to th’ capltol this mornin' with a
flle iv sojers an’ arristed th' antl-ad
minifthration foorces who are now
locked up in th’ barn back iv th' White
House. Th’ prisldint was severely lace
rated be Siniter Tillman durln’ th' en
counther.
“Yes, sir, I'd like to be a sojer. I
want to be a military man. An' yet I
niver wanted to be a polisman. 'Tls
sthrange, too, f'r If ye think it over
they ain't th’ lot iv difTrence between
th’ rnos' ordhlnry, flat-footed elbow
that iver pulled wan leg afther an
other to mornin’ roll-call an’ th'
gr-greaiest gln'ral that iver wint
through a war behind a band on a
horse. They both belong to th' race iv
round-headed men. Whin ye len
then th’ head iv man or dog. ye ray-
Jooce his courage. That’s thrue lv all
but th' bull-tarryer an’ th' Turk. Both
Iv thim fight like th' divvle. Th' Joo
ties is much th’ same but th' polls
man’s is harder. Th’ polisman has to
fight night an' day but th’ sojer on'y
wanst a month. A man's got to be
live foot nine to get on th' foorce. He
can b* flvo foot eight an’ get Into th’
army through West Pint or three foot
two an' get in through th' War De
partment. Didn’t Mike Oilligan take
more chance* when he wint up to th’
patch where Red Starkey was holdin’
th' fort with a Krupp gun an’ took him
be th' hand an' pivoted with him out
lv a window, thin m* frind Fearleas
Freddy whin he assumed false whis
kers, pretlnded to be a naygur an - stole
little Aggynaldoo out lv hts flat" Ye
wudden't explct a pathrolman to be
promoted to be sergeant f'r kldnsptn’
an organ-grinder, wud ye? An' GIUI
- didn’t ask f'r lave iv absence an’
go down town to th' Union Lague Club
an' tell th' asslmbled mannyfactherer*
iv agle-grease what ought to be done
with th’ wather taxes. No, sir! What
happened to Gtltlgrm was at roll-call
th' nex’ mornin' th’ Loot says: 'Offi
cer Oilligan. in capturin’ Starkey, ye
reflleted gr-real credit on this precinct
an’ ye’er ow n brlngln’ up Hut I want
ye to know, officer, that this Important !
arrist is no excuse fr ye goin’ out an’ .
loadin’ ye’erallf to th’ Joo-plnt with
Haqnigun’e paint. Th* nax time va <
miss pullin’ ye>r box. I’ll have ye up I
befure lh‘ thrile boord Put that in
y*>r pl|*e an’ amok* H. Mtk* Oilligan. |
An’ OlllHran blushed
"No, air, between lh’ two. lb’ PoH
man a life* lh’ hard wan H* can’t re
threat f’r r*inf*s‘*m*nta or aurrlnder
nh all lh’ hnor* Iv war If he aur- .
.. < . y til an* it h# Ml
nr * Kill an • l,r a
button cornea It H* !••• no aooed
(r ra i • mgr< a* whin h* bring# in Star-i
kc> l>a lh’ feurnln' hair lv bl# bean if J
baa insaeUd to Mans#
to France to rescue his cousin. The
new and old worlds are contrasted in
a way which makes the reader prefer
the purer atmosphere of the great
Louisiana territory, but there is noth
ing impure in the story or unpleasant.
The revelation of Napoleon’s charac
ter is saved by his own act in signing
the Louisiana Purchase treaty and
thus making the young girl a subject
of the United States.
Mr. Adrian H. Joline. whose "Medi
tations of An Autograph Collector" has
Just been published, is a member of
a New York law firm equally cele
brated for its legal skill and its lit
erary reputation. One of the part
ners of the firm is William Allen But
ler. who wrote “Nothing to Wear.” the
celebrated poem which details the do
ings of Miss Flora M'Flimsey of Mad
ison Square. This poem first appeared
in Harper's Weekly 1857, and at once
became popular. The “Meditations" is
the first book Mr. Joline has done,
though from his earliest years he has
had a pronounced leaning towards lit
erature, and a marked capacity for
making literary finds in the way of
autograph letters, many of which are
reproduced in his book.
Theodore Dreisser wos so unfortu
nate a year or so ago to publish a
book through a firm which, for some
reason or other, refused to place more
than a half dozen copies of the book
on sale. The fact that the London,
Academy called this book one of the'
two best American novels of the year
did not seem to alter the publisher's
determination to kill the work. Mr.
Dreisser, however, has finally arranged
for the purchase and transfer of the
plates and contract to another firm,
and “Sister Carrie” will shortly ap
pear in anew and attractive edition.
Mr. Dressier is now at work on the
proofs of another novel which he com
pleted recently. The theme is a moral
one, as may be Inferred from the title,
"The Transgressor.’’ It is the life
story of a young woman who feels
justified in making certain charges in
the accepted standards and who sac
rifices herself because of those who
love her.
WHO WILL WEAK FINEST UEMSf
V Forecn*t of the Dlniilny of Corona
tion Week.
From the London Mall.
On coronation day there will be
gathered together in Westminster Ab
bey all the wealth, beauty and nobility
of England, and not the least gorgeous
part of the historic pageant will be the
wonderful display of flashing gems,
worn alike by their majesties the King
and Queen as well as by the peeresses,
the royal guests and the various for
eign envoys and representatives, who
on this occasion are certain to be as
resplendent with gems as their posses
sions will permit. Undoubtedly the
scene will be the most brilliant ever
witnessed. It was the Queen's wish
that Jewels should be worn, and this
intimation was more or less expected
when it was given out, as for some
time past the Jewelers had been beset
with inquiries as to the cost of reset
ting and the time necessary to execute
various orders, while several peeresses
have taken time by the forelock and
have their coronation jewels already
reposing safely in their Jewel cases or
at their bankers.
The British crown jewels, which will
be seen on this occasion, although per
haps not quite so magnificent as those
owned by Russia, whose regalia in
clude the Orloff diamond, which is the
largest in the world, are nevertheless
of very great beauty and value. They
include not only the historic pear
shaped ruby which was worn in the
front of the Black Prince’s helmet at
the battles of Cressy and Polctiers. but
also the Pitt diamond, renamed the Re
gent, which has had many adventures
and was sold to the French govern
ment by a Hindu in 1717, was worn by
be bounced be th' first, rayform admin
lsthration. He takes his ordhers, car
ries his stick iv timber up hill an’ down
dale unher th’ gleamin' stars, has naw
thln' to say but ‘Move on there, now.’
an' if his foot slips another round
headed man pushes him into a cell an'
a impartial jury Iv men that’s had
ihrouble with tli’ polls befure convicts
him with three cheers.
“Now, suppose Gilligan's father whin
he was young had looked him over an’
said: ‘Aga.lhy, Michael’s head is per
ftctly round. It’s like a baseball. ’Tis
so pecoolyar. An’ he has a fightin’
face. 'Tis no good thryin' to taehe him
a thrade. Let’s make a sojer iv him.’
An' he wint into th’ army. If he’d
done there what he's done in th’ patch,
’tis Gln’rel Gilligan he’d be be this
time. Gln’ral Gilligan stormin' th'
higths lv San Joon hill; Gin’ral Mike
Gilligan suspindin' th' haveas corpus In
th’ Ph’lippeens an' th’ anti-impeeryal
ists at home; Gin’ral Mike Gilligan
capturin’ Aggynaldoo, an ’he'd do it
with ba*e hands an’ without th' aid iv
a mustache: Gin'ral Mike Gilligan
abolishin’ th' third reader, Gin’ral Mike
Gilligan discoorsin’ to th' public on
'Books I have niver read: Series wan,
th’ Hlsth'ry iv th’ United States.’ If
his foot slips an’ he grows a little cross
with a priu'ner iv war on th' way to th’
station an' dhrops his soord or his club
on th' top iv him, is he up befure th’
Judge an' thried be a jury iv his peers?
Officer Mike, yes; Gin'ral Mike, no.
Gin'ral Mike has no peers. He ray
celves a letther notifyin’ him that he
ha* broken a human skull divine an’
th' regulations iv th army an’ must be
thrled. ’Who will me brave frind
have to go through with this .here aus
tere but hail-fellow inquiry?’ ‘Oh, an
nywan will do. Anny iv th' gallant
llft-nar.ts Iv me brigade will do,’ says
Gln’ral Mike. So th'. Gin'ral is put on
thrile an’ a frind lv his addhresses th'
coort. ‘Gintlemen,’ says he. 'th' ques
tion befure th' coort is not so much
did our gallant leader hammer th’ coon
a* whether our flag wanst stuck up
where we have wathered so
many precious citizens shall Iver come
down. (Th' coort: ’No, no!’) That’s
th' pint. What do th' people at home
who know nawthin’ about this here
war. exclpt what we tell thim,
what do they mane be subjlctln’ this
her* hayro, gray an' bent with infirm
ities but pretty spry at that, to this
ignominy? He has fought f'r thim an'
what have they done fr him? In more
thin wan year he has on’y risen fr’m
th' rank lv captain to brigadier gin'-
ral an’ his pay is less thin twlnty times
what it was. (Here th' coort weeps.)
I ast ye, I ast ye, ye fine little boys,
ls It mete an’ if oper, nay, is it meat
an’ dhrink fr u, to punish him?’
"An' th' coort puts th’ verdict Iv ac- ;
qutttal In th' shape Iv th’ pop'lar song ;
'F'r ha's a Jolly good fellow,' an' add*
a rlcommlndatlon that Harvard col
ledge is gettln' too gay annyhOw.
"That's th' dlffrenea between sojer
an’ polisman. Why I* It that th’ fair
set. aa Hogan says, wudden’t be seen !
talkin’ to a polisman, but If ye say !
lajap* to thim, they're all out Iv th*
v but lb' feet’ I wsnt to know "
"I can't tall,” said Mr. Hannessy. “f |
heard a frind fv Wilium J, Bryan say |
we was In danger Iv havin' thim run j
lh’ i ounthry like they do In—ln Ger
many, d'ye mind ”
Niver fear.” said Mr Dooley. !
"There * too manny Gilligan* not in !
la ar-rmy fr that," J
MODERN FABLES
BY GEORGE ADE. ir
One Autumn Afternoon a gray-hair
ed Agriculturist took his youngest
Olive Branch by the Hand and led him
away to a Varsity. Wilbur was 18 and
an Onion. He had outgrown his last
year’s Tunic and his Smalls were hard
ly on speaking terms with his Uppers.
He had large warty Hands which float
ed idly at his sides and his Wrists re
sembled extra Sets of Knuckles. When
he walked, his Legs gave way at the
Hinge and he Interfered. On his Head
was a little Wideawake with a Buckle
.at the Side. Mother had bobbed his
Hair and rubbed in a little Goose-
Grease to make it shine. The Collar
that he wore was size 13 and called the
Rollo Shape. It rose to a Hight of a
hall-inch above his Neck-Band. For a
Cravat he had a Piece of watered Silk
Ribbon with Butterll'es on it.
Wilbur hud his Money tied up in a
Handkerchief and he carried a Paper
Telescope loaded down with one Com
plete Change and a Catalogue of the
Institution showing that the Necessary
Expenses were not more than $3.40 per
Week.
As the Train pulled away from Pe
wee Junction, Wilbur began to Leak.
The Salt Tears trickled down through
the Archipelago of Freckles. He
wanted to Crawfish but Paw bought
him a Box of Crnckerjack and told
him that If he got an Education and
improved his Opportunities, some day
he might be County-Superintendent of
Schools and get his S9OO a Year Just
like finding It. So Wilbur spunked up
and said he would try to stick it out.
He got out the Catalogue and read all
of the copper-rl\*eted Rules for the
Moral Guidance ot Students.
The Curriculum had him scared. He
saw that in the next four Years he
would have to soak up practically all
the Knowledge on the Market. But
he was cheered to think that if he per
severed and got through, he would be
entitled to wear an Alpaca Coat and a
Lawn Tie and teach in the High
School. So he took Courage and be
gan to notice the Scenery.
Wilbur was planted in a Boarding
House guaranteed to provide Whole
some Food and a Home Influence. Fa
ther went back after making a final
Discourse on the Importance of learn-
Napoleon 1 on the pommel of his
sword, and fell Into the hands of the
Prussians at Waterloo.
Then also there will be the Koh-I-
Noor. with its wonderful history, as
well as what may be called the private
jewels of the Queen. The Queen owns
some particularly fine diamonds, but
her rubies and emeralds are not so
beautiful or so valuable as those owned
by many of the peeresses. The pearls
owned by the young Duchess of Marl
borough, and now known as the Van
derbilt pearls, were once the property
of Marie Antoinette and a part of the
French regalia.
Tne largest row of pearls posseased
by the young Duchess contains some
of the biggest and most beautitul
which have ever been seen. Their
value it is almost impossible to gauge,
as one of them alone is said to have
cost over £IOO,OOO, and their beauty is
greatly enhanced by an idea of the
Duke, who had placed between each
one of them a wheel of white sapphire.
These, too, wall he worn in coronation
week, as well as the magnificent dia
mond tiara with pearl points presented
to the Duchess on- her wadding by the
Duke of Marlborough.
Countess de Grey, who has recently
paid a visit to Paris to have her Jew
els reset for the coronation, on special
occasions wears a magnificent all
round tiara, the shape of the old royal
crown, and the string of pearls she
has around her throat was valued some
years ago at £25,0C0 and must now be
worth £5,000 or £IO,OOO more, so great
ly has the value of pearls increased.
The Marchioness of Londonderry, who
owns some mugnificent gems, has also
had them attended to. Lady London
derry has, it is said, eight different
parures, but she very seldom wears
anything but her diamonds and pearls,
which are of great value,*and these
she is having reset. . The Countess of
Carnarvon, who possesses some mag
nificent emeralds worth many thou
sands of pounds, has lately received a
good many more from her mother,
which she ls having specially worked
up for the great occasion.
The Countess of Aberdeen has five
wonderful emeralds, said to be the
largest in the world. They were a wed
ding gift from her father, the late
Lord Tweedmouth, and are being set
Into her coronation tiara.
Lady Wlmborne owns the most su
perb rubies in the world, and her col
lection includes the celebrated Hope
ruby, which was given her by Lord
Wimborne and belonged originally to
the Hope family. It is very much more
valuable than the celebrated Hope dia
mond, which is worth £30,00(1, and is
so blue in tint as to be almost like a
sapphire. It is now set into a sapphire
and diamond butterfly, but is not very
often seen in public. Lady Wimborne's
jewels also Include a beautiful dia
mond crown and a splendid diamond
chain, which she frequently wears. The
Duchess of Devonshire’s tiara ! a very
splendid one, and so is that which was
the property of the lata Duchess of
Rutland, and may be worn by the
Marchioness of Granby at the corona
tion festivities. The Dowager Countess
t.f Whurncllfl* has a noted turquois of !
large Atxe. which is engraved with Per- i
elan characters, and quite cover* th# !
front of her dress. She used to wear j
thta ornament In the front of her gown J
among others of the same stones, of 1
which she possesses a great number,
and Lady Hothfleld’s turquoises ara i
probably quite matchless.
Th* Countese of Ilchester’s black i
pearl* an not only famous, but sbao- j
liitaly unique and prlceles# on account i
of their *is< and uniformity. Tba
airing la said to has# coat aomatking :
Ilka CXI.MO and was one# tls* proparty j
of tba aa-F-mpras* Jslugaala.
Lady Roth*'hll<l has (wo row* of
pearl* tba at** of bierM**, and tho
Copyright, 1902, hr Robert Howard RiuelL
ing most everything in all of the Books.
Nine Months later they were down at
the Depot to meet Wilbur. He had
written several times saying that he
could not find time to come Home as
he was in pursuit of Knowledge every
Minute of the Day and if he left the
Track. Knowledge might gain several
Laps on him. It looked reasonable,
to, for the future Superintendent of
Schools'had spent S4OO for Books. S2OO
for Scientific Apparatus and some
thing like S6O for Chemicals to be used
in the Laboratory.
When the Train suddenly checked it
self. to avoid running past the Town,
there came out of the Parlor Car
something that looked like Fltz, on ac
count of the Padding in the Shoulders.
Just above one Ear he wore a dinky
Cap about the size of a Postage
Stamp. The Coat reached almost to
the Hips and was buttoned below. The
Trousers had enough Material for’ a
Suit. They were reefed to show fev
erish Socks of a zig-zag Pattern. The
Shoes were very Bull-Doggy, and each
had a wide Terrace running around it.
Father held on to a Truck for Support.
Never before had he seen a genuine
Case of the inflammatory Rah-Rahs.
Wilbur was smoking a dizzy little
Pipe from which the Smoke curled
upward, losing Itself in a copious Fore
lock that moved gently in the Breeze.
Instead of a Collar. Wilbur was wear
ing a Turkish Towel. He had the
Harvard W’alk down pat. With both
Hands in his Pockets, the one who
had been pursuing Knowledge, tee
tered toward the Author of hts Being
and said, "How are you, Governor?"
Father was always a Lightning Cal
culator and as he stood there trying
to grasp, and comprehend and men
tally close in, as it were, on the Bur
lap Suit and the Coon Shirt and the
sassy Pipe, something told him that
Wilbur would have to switch if he ex
pected to be County Superintendent of
Schools.
"Here are my Checks." said Wilbur,
handing over the Brasses. "Have my
Trunks, my Golf Clubs, my portable
Punching Bag, the Suit Case and Hat
Boxes sent up to the House right
away. Then drive me Home by the
Outside Road because I don't want
to meet all these Yaps. They annoy
me.”
“You'd better git out of that Rig
Countess of Shaftesbury had a pearl
and diamond necklace given her by the
late Duke of Westminster which is
valued at £15,000, while her diamond
tiara, too, 1* very line. Countess Cado
gan has a rather narrower tiara, but
it contains some very bright Brazilian
stones. Georgians Countess of Dudley
owns some fine diamonds, but the Star
of South Africa, for which the sum
of £11,200 was given before it came to
England, beclongs to the Countess of
Dudley and ls mounted as a head or
nament with ninety-five smaller bril
liants.
Lady Carew's emerald and diamond
tiara is a very fine one, and she also
possesses a beautiful uncut but en
graved ruby, which weighs 130 karats.
She also has an exceptionally fine em
erald, which was presented to her by
the Shah of Persia, and this she will
probably wear at the coronation. There
was a marvelous sapphire given by
Georsre IV to the Marchioness Coving
ham of that day, and it is believed
OLD PEOPLL^Ok
Do x not always receive the sympathy and attention which
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Good Blood is the secret of hoalthy old ago, for it regulates
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The Modern Fable of What the Col
lege Incubator Did for One Mod
est Lambkin.
mighty quick If you don't want to be
Joshed.” said his Parent. "Folks
around here won't stand for any such
fool Regalia and if you walk like a
frozen-toed Hen you'll get some Hot
Shots, or I miss my Calkilations. ’
“Say, Popsy, I've been eating Raw
Meat and drinking Blood at the
Training Table and I’m on Edge,'*
said Wilbur, expanding his Chest un
til it bulged out like a Thornton
Squash. “If any of these local Geor
gie Glues try to shoot their Pink Con
versation at me. I'll toss them up Into
the Trees and let them hang there.
I’m the Gazabe that Puts the Shot.
Any one who can trim a Policeman
up and chuck a Hackman up right
back into his own Hack and drive off
with him. doesn't ask for any sweeter
Tapioca than one of these GafTer
Greens. The Plow-Boy who is mus
cle-bound and full of Pastry will have
a Prud Chance any time that he
struts across my Pathway. In my
Trunks I have eight suits a little
warmer than this one and 47 pairs
of passionate Hose. I'm out here to
give the Corn-Fields a Touch of High
Life. It's about time that your Chaws
had a Glimpse of the Great Outside
World. Any one who gets Fussy about
the Color-Combinations that I spring
from Day to Day, will be chopped
up and served for Lunch. To begin
with. I’m going to teach you and
Mother to play Goif. If these Mutts
come and lean over the Fence and
start to get off their Colored Weekly
Jokes, we'll fan the Hillside with
them.”
“What do they teach up at your
School—besides Murder?” Inquired
Father. "I thought you wanted to be
County Superintendent of Schools.”
“Ive outgrown all those two-by-four
Ambitions,” was the Reply. “I'm go
ing to be on the Eleven next Fall.
What more could you ask?”
That very week Wilbur organized a
Ball Team that walloped Hickory
Crick, Sand Ridge and Sozztnsvllle.
He had the whole Township with
him. Every Club at Pewee Junction
began to wear a Turkish Towel for
a Collar and practice the Harvard
Walk.
MORAL: A Boy never blossoms in
to his full Possibilities until he strikes
an Atmosphere of Culture.
gpiw 1 ?
that thl* was made an heirloom In the
family, and is now in the possession of
the present Marquis, but will probably
be worn by the Dowager Marchioness
Conyngham.
Emeralds and diamonds form the
beautiful tiara of Lady Alington, and
Mrs. Dudley Leigh ha* a beautiful all
round diamond crown, with big pearl
points, as well ns some matchless
pearls. Lily Duchess of Marlborough
has some magnificent Jewels, Including
a diamond tiara of great size, and Prin
ces* Henry of Pless, who, as she Is not
a peeress, will wear no coronet, will ba
seen with some of her magnificent dia
monds, including her all-round crown,
which ls of delicate workmanship and
of great value.
Altogether, the blaze of Jewels dur
ing the progress of the coronation fes
tivities will be quite overwhelming, and
it will perhaps be safe to *ay that at
no other period has there been such a
simultaneous display of gems that in
the aggregate must have cost many
millions.
17