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8 Sunbeams. The baker is the only loafer entitled to respect. If you cannot lick a man be lenient with liis faults. A blizzard and a mad woman are apt to ca’eli a man by the ears. Tin* sedidi man has most presence of mind. He never forgets himself. “Tins is my sphere,” said a happy wife, a< she patted herbaid-headed hus band on the pate. A wild Western poetess sings: “Oh, hug me closer, closer still ” She must take us for a hay press. Women as a rule are not profane, and yet a great many rip. tear and darn — their husbands’ old clothes. Bigamy is becoming such a frequent crime that the only way to check it seems to be to raise the cost of dry goods and millinery. When he was married he promised to cleave to her to the end. And the very time they visited the theatre he clove at the end of each act. Every man in this country would be a millionaire if he would work with half the energy that his wife does when she starts out to catch a flea. Flipkins was passing along the street and saw a trunk outside the door of a dealer, bearing the legend, “This size for $10.” “So do I,” said Flipkins. A fashion paper says seal sacques are rapidly going out of fashion. It is probable that by next Fourth of July not a seal skin sacque will be seen on the street. Boarder—“l’m tired of eating cakes three times a day.” Landlady—“l should think you would be. No one can carry all the load you do without being tired.” “Oh, mummy, dear, I do love you, oh, so much!” said the bad boy. “No one could tell you how much I love you; no, not even the biggest story teller that ever lived.” Scene, Water Color Exhibition. Fail- One — “I do loye water colors so much more than oil paintings. You can always see yourself in the glass.” She has a soul for art. “Have you any poached eggs?” asked Jack Long of the sable waiter. “I don’t know, sah, wedder de eggs am roached,” responded the darkey; “but knows de chickens is.” In the class-room "Master 8.,” j asks the professor, “what member of the animal creation shows the greatest attachment to man ?” Master 8., after reflecting—“ The leech.” “There are times,” says Gail Hamil ton, “ when a woman does not feel like learning a language or saving a soul.” It is just after she has pounded her linger with a tack hammer. Love is said to be the motive power of 1 the world, and yet fifty-six women out of every ninety- two will stick to it that a well-seasoned broom-handle is more reliable than moral suasion for immedi- , ate results. It takes a very strong-minded young ; Borneo to talk nonsei ce to a gentle Juliet at 11 p.m. when the screams of a collicky baby across the street are split ting the stilly stillness of the night from the cradle to the curbstone. The Boston Traveler is authority for the statement that at a recent enter tainment in that city one of the young women present said", referring to her coffee: "‘I like to have all composite parts of mv beverage both saturated and coagulated. ” It is said io have been discovered by sei nee that the wind alwavs moves in a circle, but no explanation has been made as to how it happens that when t he p ayful zephyrs seize hold of a man’s hat, they always make a straight shoot for the nearest mudpuddle. At Lake Nyassa, Africa, a young man can be bought for forty yards of white cotton cloth. In America a young man sometimes goes for a piece of calico. So there isn’t much difference between the youths of Africa and America — merely a matter of color. “ Bobby, whispered young Featherly, “did your sister Sadie get a note from me last night? It was written on pink j>aj)er. ' “I guess she must have got THE GREAT KENNESAW ROUTE GAZETTE. WESTERN 4ATLANTICR.R. THE GREAT KENNESAW ROUTE. CONDENSED SCHEDULES BETWEEN ATLANTA and BOSTON, NEW YORK and the EAST, —1 ■ ■ I —l 1 read down. VhTpENN. R. K. read up. North-bound. STATIONS. South-bound. i _ ..... ■ 1.30 pml llJio pm Lv ATLANTAAr.| 2.25 pml 5.51 a m 2.41 pm 12.14 ain Lv Kennesaw Lv.; 1.0 pm LL am 7.00 pm 4.30 am Lv Chattanooga Lv. B.si> am 1.00 am 6.50 am 6.00 pin Ar CINCINNATI Lv. 8,47 pnr 8.0.) a m ~7\25 a m 84)0 Lv CINCINNATI. Ar. 4.45 pml 6.10 am 11.30 a m 11.45 pni.Lv Columbus Lv, 12.5-) pm 2.00 am i 7.10 pmi 7.00 am Ar. Pittsburg Lv. 6.30 a m 7.4.) pm ; 2.35 am 1.55 pm “ Harrisburg “ 11.50 pin 2.00 pm 5.30 a m 4.40 pm “ Baltimore “ 8.2.) p m 10.55 am 6.30 am 5.50 pm “ Washington “ ! 7.10 pm 9,.)<l am 5.35 am 4.45 pm “ Philadelphia .. “ 8.50 par 11.20 am 8.00 am 6.55 pm “ NEW YORK “ 6.00 pm, 0.00 am’ 6.00 pm' 6.50 ain Ar BOSTON Lv. 10.00 am 10.30 pm j Pullman Palace Buffet Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati and New York, without change; and lullman Palace Sleeping-Cars between New York and Boston without 1 change. Via BEE LINE and NEW YORK CENTRAL. 1.30 pm 11.00 pmLv ATLANTA Ar.; 2.25 pm 5.51 am 2.41 pm 12.14 am “ Kennesaw.... Lv 1.17 pm 4.47 am 7.00 pm 4.30 am “ Chattanooga “ 8.55 am 1.00 am 6.50 am 6.00 pin Ar CINCINNATI Lv. 8.47 p m 805a in 7.15 ami 7.02 p miLv. CINCINNATI Ar. I 6.35 pm 7.55 am; 9.00 ami 8.50 pm “ Dayton Lv. 1 4.40 pm I 6.00 am 2.35 pm 2.50 am Ar Cleveland “ 10.45 am 12.25 am 8.00 pm 7.40 am “ Buffalo “ ; 5.20 am 7.45 pm 11.05 pm 10.30 am “ Rochester “ I 4.00 ain 6.50 pm 6.10 a m 4.00 pm “ Albany “ 10.15 pm 1.15 pm 10.30 a m 7.30 pm “ NEW YORK “ 6.00 pm 9.50 am 10.57 am 12.40 am “ Springfield “ 6.05 pm 9.00 am 2.45 pm 6.25 ain Ar BOSTON Lv. 3.00 pm 5.00 am Elegant Wagner Drawing Room Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati and New York, and ; between Cincinnati and Boston without change. All connections made in Union Passen ger Depots. Via N. Y., P. & O. andERIE RAILWAYS. 1.30 pm 11.00 pmLv ATLANTA Ar.' 2.25 pml 5.51 am 2.41 pm 12.14 am “ Kennesaw Lv.; 1.17 pm! 4.47 am 7.00 pm 4.30 am “ Chattanooga “ j 8.55 am 1.00 am 6.50 am 6.00 pin Ar. CINCINNATI Lv. 8.47 pm 8.05 am 7.50 am 10.00 pmLv CINCINNATI Ar. 6.45 pm 6.45 am 9.52 am 12.30 am “ Dayton Lv.i 4.40 pm 3.25 an. j 10.43 a m 2.50 am Ar Springfiefd “ ; 3.47 p m 2.10 am I I 9.45 p m 5.23 pm “ Salamanca “ 4.40 a m 10.25 a m 2.47 a m 10.25 pm “ Elmira “ | 1.44 am 5.48 a m 4.26 am 12.07 am “ Binghampton “ 12.15 am 3.53 am 11.25 a m 7.30 am “ NEW YORK .. . . “ 6.00 p m 8.00 p m 2.15 pml 6.45 am “ Albany “ 10.45 p m i 3.00 pm Ar BOSTON Lv. 3.00 p m Pullman Palace Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati and New York without change; and between Cincinnati and Boston without change. All connections made in Union Passenger Depots. Via B. & O. R. R. 1.30 pm 11.00 pmLv ATLANTA Ar. 2,25 pm 5.51 am 2.41 “ 12.14 am “ Kennesaw Lv. 1.17 pm 4.47 am 7.00 “ 4.30 am “ Chattanooga “ i 8.55 am 1.00 am 6.50 am 6.00 pm Ar CINCINNATI Lv.i 8.47 pm 8.05 am 8.25 am 7.20 “ Lv CINCINNATI Ar. 5.15 pm 7.45 am 12.38 pm; 10.25 “ “ Chillicothe Lv 1.00 pm 4.40 “ 5.10 pm 2.30 am Ar Parkersburg “ 9.40 am 1.40 “ 1.13 a m 9.25 “ “ Cumberland “ 2.43 a m 7.45 p m 3.35 “ 11.24 am “ Martinsburg Lv. 12.28 am 5.29 “ 6.00 “ I 1.15 pm “ Washington 11 10.10 pm 3.30 “ 7.10 “ 2.15 “ “ Baltimore “ ; 9.00 pm; 2.30 11 10.47 “ 6.11 “ “ Philadelphia “ ; 4.02 pmj 10.16 a m 1.20 pm 9.20 pm Ar NEW YORK Lv.; 1.00 pm! 8.00 am Elegant Palace Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati, Washington and Baltimore, without i change. All connections made in Union Passenger Depots, Through Palace Buffet and Alaim Boudoir Sleeping-Cars between Atlanta and Cincinnati without Change, Connecting with above Through Sleeping-Car lines for New York and Boston. r I rilßm ■ I ■ Il I Only via the Western and Atlantic railroad can you go to Elizabeth, “the marble city of Georgia. ’’ where there is the most wonderful marble cutting machinery in the world. Tourists ; will miss it if they do not stop at Ma rietta and go up to Elizabeth, only two miles distant, immediately at the foot of the famous Kennesaw Moun tain. Sam Jones, the evangelist, lives on the Kennesaw Route. Sixty-eight different kinds of miner als and ores found on the line of the Western and Atlantic railroad. Only via the Western and Atlantic railroad can you get to the healthiest 1 county in Georgia, if not in America. it,” said Bobby, “’cause when she came down to breakfast this morning her hair was done up in pink curl-papers.” Mistress (to Mary, who is wearing soft shoes)—“ How you frightened me. Mary, walking about so quietly. I wish you would have some nails put in your shoes.” Mary “Please niinn. there are nails in am.” Mis ress—“Are you sure?’ Mary—“ Yes, mum, me toe nails. ” Little Edith—“ Mr. Sapley, why does my sister pray when you come to see her?” “Surely she doesn’t. What do yon mean?’ “Why, every time you come here and the servant comes upto tiie library to say you are in the parlor, Clara just shrugs her shoulders and says: 'Oh, Lord!’” A Hoboken father, who has a beauti ful daughter, has replaced the “God Bless Our Home’’ motto, which hung in the parlor, with an illuminated card bearing Ingersoll’s remark: “When the Dog Barks It Is a Sign that I am Mov ing On.” Its effect on Sunday nights is quite thrilling. A Normal teamster who bumped up against the business end of a mule one day last week, remits seventy-five cents and the following: A mule can’t vote nor sing but one note, which he war bles the livelong day, but he can kick a. man hence, over a ten-rail fence because he’s built that way. You look tired, Miss Golightly.” “Doi? Getting old, I suppose. You know the saying, ‘ A man’s as old as he feels, and a woman’s as old as she looks.’” “Well I’m sure the saying does not hold good in your case.” (And then he smiled his killing smile, as who should say “ I have fetched her !” but she withered him with a glance, and the conversation suddenly flagged). A celebrated scientist has been trying for several years, without success, to discover a means of making the shells of eggs transparent without injury to their hatching qualities. It is needless to say that he has not taken the right course. What he wants to do is to stop fooling with the eggs and persuade the hens themselves to use gelatine or something else for shells that a bodv can see through. . “ Willya-a-m! Wilya-a-m! Come right along in here now and stop playin” with them bad Smith boys, ur I’ll thrash you within an inch of your life.” “Yessum, mother, purty soon.” Then he adds an aside to the boys : “Don’t mind what she sez. She’s off her nut.” Young Mrs. Vassarline—“You are sure this is the regular English break fast tea, Mr. Grocer?” “Oh, yes, wo warrant it. ” “Well, I will take a pound, if you are sure. Our visitors are from London, and I should be dreadfully mortified to give them Japan tea by mistake.” “Do you allow drunken people on the train ?” asked a fussy clergyman, at the City Hall elevated station the other day. “Sometimes, but not when they are too drunk, ” replied the brakeman. “Just take a seat near the middle of the car and keep quiet, and you’ll be all right. ” When Brown opened the front door one morning and found a strange baby in a basket on the front steps, he picked up the bundle, and, as he carried it his wife, he was heard to remark: “ Some men are born babies, some achieve babies, and some have babies thrust upon them.” Somebody says that a healthy infant, cooing in a cradle, is a sight that makes angels lean over the battlements of heaven and gaze longingly toward earth. The idea is poetic, but the cold facts in die case are that life is full of howling discord to the inexperienced father of colicky twins. French Visitor—“ I call to see Mon sieur Bollard. ” Maid—“ You can’t ses him, sir; lie’s not up yet.” French visitor —“Vat you tell? I com yester, and you say can’t see heem because he not down; now you say can’t see heem because he not oop. Ven vill he be in ze middle, mademoiselle ? I no compr’end!” “Did he pop the question last night?” eagerly asked the mother, as the daugh ter caifle down late to breakfast. “No, not quite.” “What did he say?” “Why, lie squeezed my hand twice and said he believed I’d make some man an excellent wife if the fellow had sense enough to take me so far that you couldn’t visit me more than once in twenty vears. ”