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ir— r - < '< ; x| ■ [ ißllßfes A U ♦ ~fh <t> Vs. > Z (S :^> ' ~- ? =CT- view of kehhesaw V— ' - - fo *• ALLEY. rt-TQ Vol. IV. The Old-Fashioned School ma’am. How dear to my heart is the old-fashioned schoolma’am, When sad recollections present her to view, The way which she’d often we boys with a rule lamm Would make the whole future fearfully blue. And still in my farcy I feel my flesh tingle; Time never can quite the sensation destroy, For when she got rattled she made the house jingle — The old-fashioned school ma’am I knew when a boy. The red-headed schoolma’am, the strong muscled schoolma’am, The argus-eyed schoolma’am I knew when a boy. If we dared crook a finger ’twas quickly detected, And followed at once with a punishment dread, Until all the boys in the school half suspected She could see just as welljwith the back of her head. There, then, was no use in our trying to fool her, She had an impression we couldn’t destroy, And so she would earnestly lay on the ruler— The old-lashioned schoolma’am I knew when a boy. The red-headed school ma’am, the strong muscled schoolma’am, The argus-eyed schoolma’am I know when a boy. And yet, notwithstanding her constant en deavor, Our school days with sly, boyish pleasure were fraught, We always were into some mischief when ever We thought we could do without being caught. We threw paper wads and were noisy and pranky, And did everything which we could to annoy; No wonder that once in a while she was cranky — The old-fashioned school ma’am I knew when a boy. The boarded-round schoolma’am, the under paid schoolma’am, The much-abused schoolma’am I knew when a boy. The Engineer’s Story. Which Caused Justice to Be Done to the Extent of Nine Dollars. In the smoking car, along with half a dozen others of us, was an engineer who was going down to Peoria, and after a time the judge started to draw him out by saying; I presume you have had your share of close shaves, along with other engin eers? “I have, sir,” was the reply., “Been in many smash ups?” A. Imixiorous dare-devil—the very man to suit my purpose. Bulwkb. OT7R. “G-EISr. JOSEPH E. JOHNSTON'S ’’ ISJTTMBER,. “A full dozen, I guess.” “Any particular adventure that might be called wonderfid?” “Why, yes, I did have one,” replied the man after relighting his old cigar stump. “I didn’t think it any great shave myself, but the boys cracked it up as something extra.” “Let us hear about it,” said the judge, as he passed him a Havana. “Well, one day about three years ago I was coming west with the light ning express and was running to make up lost time. Down here about twen ty miles two roads cross, as you will see, and there are a lot of switches and side tracks. I had just whistled for the crossing and put on the brakes when the coupling between the tender and the baggage car broke.” “I see, I see,” murmured the judge. “At the same moment something went wrong with old No. 40, and I could not shut off steam. She sprang away like a flash, and as she struck the crossing she left the track and entered a meadow filled with stumps.” “Good heavens!” “She kept a straight course for about forty rods, smashing the stumps every second, and then leaped a ditch, struck the rails of the D. and R. road, and ATLANTA, CA., NOVEMBER I, 1889. I • Mi ggvaa ||||h ■ ■ t V' ;, ' GEN. JOSEPH E. JOHNSTON. after a wabble or two settled down and ran lor two miles.” “Amazing! Amazing!” “Then, at a crossing, she left the rails, entered a cornfield, and, bearing to the right, plowed her way across the country until she came to our own road again. She had a long jump to make over a marsh, but she made it, struck the rails, and way she went.” “You —don’t —say —so! ” “I was now behind my train, and after a run of two miles I got control of (he engine, ran up and coupled to the palace car, and went into Ashton pushing the train ahead of me.” “Great Scott! And was no one hurt?” “Not a soul, and not a thing broken. The superintendent played a mean trick on me, though.” “How?” “Why, the farmer who owned the meadow paid the company $lB for the stumps I had knocked out for him, while the cornfield man charged $9 for damages. The superintendent pocketed the balance of the money.” “The scoundrel! And how much are you paid a month ? ” “Ninety dollars.” “That’s for running on the road?” “Yes.” 1 “And nothing for lying?” I “Not a red.” T “That’s an outrage. \ The" 1 superin tendent is an old iiriend of mine, and I’ll see that you get the $9 on the stumpage and a salary of S2OO a month as long as you live. It is such men as you who make a line popular.” — New Forfc Sun. Send Us Those Gloves. The Western Journalist gets off the following, a la Hiawatha: fcHe killed the noble Mudjokivis, With the skin he made him mittens, Made them with the fur side inside; Made them with the skin side outside; f£He, to get the warm side inside, Put the inside skin outside; fjQHe, to get the cold side outside, ..sPut the warm side fur side inside; gs That’s why he put the fur side inside, Why he put the skin side'outside, “Why he turned them inside outside. The above reminds us of a speech made in a public meeting in which those in front stood up, thus prevent ing those in the rear seeing what was going on. Said a chap in the rear: “Mr. President, please make the peo ple in the front part of the meeting sit down, so that the people in the back part of the meeting can see what is going on in the front part of the meet ing. As it is those standing up in the front part of the meeting, keep those in the back part of the meeting from w r hat is going on in the front part of the meeting, thus very much inconveniencing those in the back part of the meeting,” etc. A girl who had got tired of single blessedness wrote to her intended as follows: “Dear Jim: cum rite off if you are cornin’ at al, Ed Hilton is insistin’ thet I shell hev him and he hugs and kisses me so much that I can’t hold out much longer.” “Jim” at once started for the scene of action, but he took the wrong route, arriving in time to see “Ed” and the girl made one. Had “Jim” taken the W. &A. he would have arrived in time to have had those “hugs and kisses” transferred to himself. Moral: Always travel via the W. & A. As you go over the W. & A. ask the conductor to show you the great “horse-shoe bend.” NO. 21.