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THE WEEKLY CONSTITUTION: TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1883.
LAUGHTER.
ITS CAUSES, CURIOSITIES AND CON
SEQUENCES.
Different Deffloitlona of Laogbtcr-The Physical
ht,. Zffeo e ofUirraent on tbe Human Byitem-A
8aamer Ltash-A Professional Liogh.
The illusive character of language never
shows itself so plainly as when we make an
eiFort to describe some common phenomena
Take, for instance, laughter. Everybody, or
nearly everybody laughs, and yet, to give an
exact definition of laughter would puzzle
thousands of intelligent people. Webster
says that laughter is “convulsive merriment,
an expression of mirth peculiar to man con
sisting in a peculiar noise and configuration
of figures with a shaking of the sides and ex
pulsion of breath.” Would that give a per
fect idea of what laughter is to some heathen
who bad laughed, and had never seen any one
laugh? If it would not, would he be en
lightened by Beattie’s statement as to the
cause of laughter? "An uncommon mixture
of relation and contrariety, exhibited; or sup
posed to be united, in tbe same assemblage."
If the heathen did not grasp this through,
perhaps he would see more clearly after hear,
ing tbe same author’s amplification of the
idea. “Laughter," be says, “arises from the
view of two or more incongruous parts as cir
cumstances, considered or united in one com
plex object or assemblage, or as acquiring a
sort of mutual relation from tbe peculiar
manner in which the mind takes notice of
them.” Now surely, our heathen will know
how to laugh. Wbat! not yet? Then let old
Philosopher Hobbes put him on the right
road: "Laughter is a sudden glory, arising
front a sudden concep ion of some eminency
in ourselves, by comparison with the un
formity of others,or with our own, formally,'
WHAT ISLAUGHTKU?
Laughter! 'its the poor man's plaster,
Covering up each sad disaster.
Laughing, he forgets his troubles.
Which though real, seem but bubbles.
Laughter! ’its a seal ot nature.
Laughter, whether loud or mute,
Telia the human kind from brute,
Laughter! 'tis hope’s living voice,
Blddiug us to make a choice.
And to cult from thorny bowers,
Leaving thorns and taking flowers.
Tbe heathen in search oi information had
better be content with what we have given
him and.nt once make practical efforts at
laughing Ha need not wait until he “feels
real good,” for we have it on high French au
thority that “we must laugh before wo are
happy, for fear we die before we laugh at ell.”
And old Ben Johnson tells us:
Langh and be fat, sir. your penance Is known,
1 hey that love mirth, let them heartily drink,
'Tis the only receipt to make sorrow sink.
We bare ample teatimony that laughter is
good, Douglas Jerrold speaks of “glorious
laughter, who taketh blood-taking melan
choly by the nose and maketh it grin in spite
of itself.” Henry Giles advises us to laugh
and grow fat. ‘ If yon ahouitl grow exorbi
tantly fat by laughing, laughing still will
keep you in healthy motion.” An anony
mous writer says that “whether laughter dis
covers the gums of infancy or age. tbe grind,
era of folly, or the pearls of beauty; whether
it racks the sides or deforms the countenance
of vulgarity or deep lines the visage, or
moistens the eye of refinement—injits phases,
and on all faces, contortiag, relaxing, over
whelming, convulsing, throwing tbe human
form into happy shaking and quaking of
Idiocy, and turning the human countenance
into something appropriate to Billy Button’s
transformation, under every circumstance
and every where a laugh is a glorious thing.
The physician tells us of tbe physical benefits
of laughing. There is not the remotest corner
or little inlet of tbe minute blood vessels of
the human body that does not feel some
wavelet from the convulsion occasioned by
good, hearty laughter. Tho lifo principle, or
the central man, is shaken to its innermost
depths, sending new tides of life and strength
to tbe surfscc, thus materially tending to in
sure good health to tbe persons who indulge
therein. The blood moves more readily and
conveys a different impression to all the or
gans of the body, aa it visits them on that
particular mystic journey when the man is
laughter, from what it does at other times.
For this reason evenr good hearty laugh in
which a person indulges tends to lengthen
his life, conveying as it does new and distinct
stimulus to the vital forces. Doubtless -the
time will come when physicians, conceding
more importance than they now do |to the in
fluence of tbe mind upon the vital forces of
the body, will make their prescriptions more
with reference to tbe mind and lesa to drugs
for tho body, and will, in so doing, find tha
best and most effective method of producing
the required effect upon the patient. But one
English writer that we can call to mind has
spoken cynically of laughter. His opinion of
the origin of laughter is that it resulted from
the practice of tickling babies, which practice
has made it a confirmed habit on tho part of
the hnman race. He would have made a
good companion for Mayson, tbe Greek
philosopher, who was one day found laugh
ing in a ■ olit try pltfce. Some one came np to
him on a sudden and asked him why he
laughed when he was by himself? “For that
very reason,” he replied.
thz varieties or laughter.
There is the hearty langh, the convulsive
laugh, the explosive laugh, the he-he laugh
ana the uproarious, almost tumble out of
your chair laugh. There was the laugh of
Prince Hal, who was said to laugh “till his
face is like a wet cloak—ill laid up.” There is
the incipient laugh, which is not a laugh bnt
a smile. Tbe late Charles Bickns, the min
strel, who, it will be remembered, bad a very
large mouth, was once having bis photograph
taken. The operator told him to look pleas
ant, to smile a little Tbe famous minstrel
gave an elaborate smile. “Oh! that will
never do,” said tbe photographer; “il’a too
wide for the instrument.’ Speaking of a
western actreas the reporter wrote: “Her
smile opened out like the Yosemite valley in
a May morning.” When Mias Marie Wilton,
the English actress, played Hester Graze-
brook in the Unequal Match, her iangh was
said to be of tbe character “that first asit were
looks out of the eyes to see if tbe coast was
clear, then steals down into a pretty dimple
of the cheek and rides there in an eddy for a
while :'then waltzes at the corners of the month
like a thing of life; then bunts its bonds of
beauty and fills the air for a moment with a
shower of silvery tongued echoes and then
steals back to its lair in the heart to watch
» ain for its prey.” How different from the
nd of laugh of Prince Hoare, a friend of
Haydon, tbe painter. This gentleman was a
delicate, feeble looking man, with a timid ex
pression of face, and when he laughed hearti
ly be almost seemed to be crying. It runs in
families sometimes todistort the countenance
in laughter. Mr. Labouchere speaks of a
family who langh a great deal, and who al
ways shut their eyes when they do so. It is
fanny nt tbe dinner table, when something
witty is said, to look around and see the same
distortion on every face. There is not an eye
left in the family. A trio of sisters is spoken
of who shows half an inch of pale pink gums
when they laugh. In their pres enc like
Wendell Holmes, one “never dares to be aa
funny as one can,” for fear of seeing this ap
palling triple of gums. A laugh is sometimes
only a sneer. Diogones, of tub notoriety,
saw a great deal of this kind of ianghter.
Some one aaid to him, “Many people laugh
at you.” “But I,” he quickly replied, “am
not laughed down.”
THE SUMMER LAl'GH.
Tbe reader bent on laughable information
may not be aware that there isle kind of laugh
ter peculiar to young girls which is especially
suitable to tbe summer months. It goes like
this:“Te-he, te-he! Ha,' ha,ba! Oh-b-h h-
ha. ha ha!” Tbe directions are as f ollows:
A low and sly beginning is made with the
“te-be,” aa tbongb mirth was straggling in
side to break out through maidenly reserve,
and the mouth is kept tight cloeed, while the
eyes are opened wide, thni giving sn express
ion of mingled demurenen and mischievous
ness. Then follows the “Ha, ha, ha,” higher
and loader, with a parting of the lips, toahow
the teeth, if they be white and regular. Tho
“Oh-h-h” comes next in a tone of surprise,
reproof or artless gayety, according to the
nature of the thing laughed at, and the voice
rises into a pretty Tittle scream. The ensuing
cause covers a sudden sense of the Improprie
ty of makingso much noise, the eyes are cast
down and a blush can in most instance be
produced by holding the breath with the
lungs very fully inflated. The final “Ha,,ha,
ha!” ia given as a crescendo, spiritedly and
without any show of rertraint, like the out-
bursting hilarity of an unconventional milk
maid. With a little alteration thia laugh can
be made to fit any nouth.
A PROFESSIONAL LAUGHTER.
A San Francisco “funny man” speaka of
being approached on bia way to court, where
he had a case, by a solemn-looking man, who
explained that be was a professional laughter
He explained more fully the nature of his
business by saying jurors could never see the
point of a joke, no matter how plain it was,
but they were always ready to follow up a
laugh, just like a Hock of sheep. His experi
ence was that a large majority "of mankind
needed to be told when to laugh. They had
to be set in motion, so to speak, like a row of
bricks. Speaking more specifically, he said;
“I’ll tell you what this has to do with your
case; you see I sit on one of the front bench
es, where the jury can sec me easily, and
whenever your attorney cracks a joke and
says anything funny, or what is meant to be
funny, I laugn like a hyena digging up a fat
missionary and pound with a big cane.
THE POLITICAL POT
Hf nry D. Psyns Has Fatth in (lie Indfc»tlon« of (be
Zell Bleat lone- J adg • Hoim«n Refers to Dana's
Amiability-Ben Butler oa Tatbe 'a Re*
oeot Letter—Keaooe Denounced.
New Yobk, October 0.—Henry B. Payne,
who is prominently mentioned aa a democrat
ic candidate for president, was asked to-day as
to tbe relative chances of prominent demo^
crats for tbe presidential nomination. “At
present,” he replied, “it is a matter of con
jecture, Dut tbe result of the election in the
several states this fail will unquestionably go
far towards the solution of this political prob
lem. If New York state goes democratic by
a large majority this fall—a majority that
will assure democratic success in that state in
188-1—GovernorCleveland will undoubedtly be
the strongest man before tbe democratic con
vention. His administration has been char
acterized by discretion. He has made no
mistakes and has tbe confidence and trust of
the people. Butler has no cha-'ce whatever.
He could not carry a single northern state—
not mentioning tile south, where lie is not
cherished with feelings of pleasure. He
could not carry his own state in a presidential
cottrae the jury join in, and theoMd. & ! contest. I rouoid.,■»Jto **£«*»*
comes perfectly furious. The madderjheir
lawyer gets the more tbe jury and audience
ore impressed in your favor. Wby, in Boggs
versus Skinderiy, last week. I actually laugn-
ed the plaintiff clear out of court. You see
when the opposition lawyer tries to be funny
in return I scrape my feet on tbe floor, cough,
drop my stick and look as a solnmn as a
darky gravedigger. I throw that In, though,
without extra charge. The business will cost
yon $23, and if you make it $33 I'll also put
on a couple of boys, apprentices of mine,
They ain’t very reliable yet, but when we
work together we’re a team, I tell yon. One
of them has a mouth like a crocodile, and can
break an ordinary window at six feet distance
by laughing at it, five times out of six.
Nearly shook down tbe gallery while doing
tbe ’deafening applause' and 'uncontrollable
merriment’ for a political meeting at Platt’s
hall, the other night.”
CURIOUS CAUSES Or LAUGHTER.
“Nothing,'auys Goethe, ‘is more significant
of men's character than wbat they find
iaugbable.” George Eliot, commenting on
this passage, says: “The last thing in which
tbe cultivated man can have community with
the vulgar ia their jocularity; aud we can
hardly exhibit more strikingly tbe wide gulf
which separates him from them than by com
paring tbe object which shakes tbediapuragm
of a coal-heaver with the highly complex
pleasure derived from the real witticism.”
Tho trifllog incidents that have caused some
great men to be, as Shakespeare puts it,
"iliihhM ofilh Umshtop ’• ttynnlrl mnlrn nlmn
'stabb'd with laughter,” would mako a chap
ter of themselves. Ubrysippus, the philosopher,
died of immoderate laughter. 8eeiog his
ass eating pig he told tbe old woman who
kept bouse for him to give the ass some un
mixed wine to drink afterward, and then
laughed so violently that he died. Philemon,
when be was an old man, died front precisely
the same cause. Marcos Cras>ui never laugh
ed in his life but once, and that was when he
saw an ass eating thistles. These three
instances might be said to illustrate the as-
sinine style of laughter.
The merest trifles have seemed sufficient to
make some people merry. The Marquis of
Blanford would be convulsed for half au hour
on seeing somebody fillip a crumb of bread
intoa blind peddler's face, and the fit would
recur to nim long afterward, whensoever he
would recall the Incident. One man laughed
for hours after seeing tbe Egyptian antiqui
ties. Some men laugh at the misfortunes of
others. There is a character in one of
Trollop's novels who nearly exploded with
laughter when he was Informed that his next
door neighbor had been tossed by a bull.
John and Charles Wesley, the famous
Methodists, were once holdings camp-moet-
Ing in the woods. They had started to sing
when something ludicrous struck one of them
and ho began to laugh. The other caught tbe
infection and both, much to tbe surprise of
the congregation. laughed till the tears came
to their eyes. They afterward ajxtloglzed to
their -Hock and said that the devil bad
conquered them. There is a story told of a
country fellow who saw a woman fall off a
seat in church, and to whom tho incidentap-
teared so comical that he laughed constantly
or three days, end was then seriously affect
ed in health for a long time. One of the old
painters who had just finished the portrait of
an old woman, stood contemplating bis work.
As he gazed at the short, dry. toothless,
bloodless thing with hollow eyes and hang
ing cheeks, her chin bearing oat and her
mouth bearing inward, her noic fallen and
flowing out at the end of it, the whole por
trait struck him as being so comical that he
fell into an immoderate lit of laughter, and
died on the spot.
Even old Or. Samuel Johnson, who, of all
men, was noted for his good sound sense in
most matters, furnishes a singular illustra
tion in the curiosities of laughter. Tbe old
gentlemen was once dining with a friend of
tis, Mr. Chambers, and appeared to be suffer
ing unusually from the peculiar melancholy
to which he was a life-long aubject. Cham
bers tried to cheer him up, and told him, as
a bit of news, that a friend of theirs had that
day made his will. Johnson, strange to say,
found something very ludicrous in tbe mat
ter. He aaid be imagined the man hailing
every traveleron tbe road and confidentially
informing them that he had made bis will.
He hoped that tbe testator had described him
self as of sound mind, and tiiat he left him a
legacy. This raillery Chambers did not like
at all, and finally, when Johnson told him
that ho would make a ballad of the document
and have it set to music, he became ao in
censed that he left tbe doctor to himself.
But Johnson kept on adding one funny
conceit to another, and it ia aaid that on the
way home he leaned up against a railing and
laughed himself almost into convulsions.
In thia case laughter parted two friends
only, however, for the time being. Another
instance may be mentioned wnere it brought
togetber|two enemies. Canning and Brongham
bad passed through a very acrimonious ses
sion. Daring the gammer they met by acci
dent in the country just as they were in the
act of going through a turnpike gate. Tbe
situation seemed very comical to each of
them; they both laughed and were aiways
belter friends afterward.
To a pig belongs tbe honor of having once
made the grave and melancholy Washington,
whose features were seldom even adorned by
a smile, give utterance to a hearty laugh
When tbe commander-in-chief was stationed
with the troops at Princeton, a neighboring
gentleman, named Van Horne, determined
on one occasion to treat the gneata to roast
pig. A victim was selected, and several of the
servants of tbe establishment started lncbase.
But the pig was opposed to the arrangement,
and tbe skilifulnea of bis maneuvers baffled
the pursuers, “etand away,” cried tbe bust,
at last, and throwing off coat and bat, started
himself after tbe provoking brate. His guests
end his negroes stood still watching his exer
tionssnd tbe pig's manifold escapes. Shouts
and laughter at length proclelraed the vic
tory, and tbe ebaseenr held the animal np in
triumph, while the big drops coursed over
his mahogany face from forehead to chin.
Amid the squealing of the victim the stentor
ian tones oi Van Horne were heard to ex
claim, ‘I’ll show ye bow to ran down a pig.”
As be spoke he looked np into the face of
Washington, who, with bis suite, bad trotted
on bone back into tbe coart yard, unheard
amid the din of tbe chose end tbe shouts of
triumphant success. The ludicrous expreeron
of surprise at being so caught, with bfs at
tempts to speak to his heroic visitor, while
the pig redoubled bis attempt to eecape by
kicking and squealing, produced ss hearty a
bant of laughter from the lint of the dignifi
ed Washington as any that shook tbe sides of
the moat vulgar spectator of tbe scene.
cy.”
JUDGE HOLMAN’S VIEWS.
“Judge Holntau, how is tbe ‘old ticket'
looked upon by the democrats of the west?”
I asked, rather abruptly changing the topic
front principles to persons. i
“The people of the west look upon Governor
Tildcn and Governor Hendricks very favora-
biy, they believe that tbe great fraud of
18707 should be vindicated by the re-election
of those candidates to the office of which tuey
were fraudulently deprived.”
“As between McDonald and Hendricks
how does the fsvor stand?”
"That I could not say. Governor Hen
dricks is only talked of in connection with
the ‘old ticket,' but I heard no comparison
drawn between McDonald and Hendricks.”
“There is another gentlemen,’’ I remarked,
scarcely venturing to look at Jadge Holman,
“whom tbe New York 8un and quite a num
ber of other prominent papers are advocating
for the presidency.”
The modest Judge Holman blushed like
bashful maiden at the early hlnta of love, as
he replied : “Oh, that is all due to Mr. Dana’s
amiability. That gentleman you speak ofia
a very humble personage and baa uosuch po
litical ambition.”
Aa we were leaving tbe dining room a few
minutes after the above conversation, we met
General McCbristie, who said: “Ah! Jtulgo
Holman, I am glad to see you looking so well
after your trip, and I hope I may see you
well until you become president.”
"You always were amiable,” replied the
judge, laughing and reaching for his over
coat.
IIASE BEN BUTLER, OF MASSACHUSETTS.
Governor Butler, of Massachusetts, was at
the Fifth avenue hotel to-day. In conversa
tion on tile Talbot difficulty, ho said: “Tho
facts in the coso are simjily these: For a lonj
time I have been endeavoring to get hold ol
tbe books containing an account of the ex
penditures of the board of health, lunacy,
and charity. I made a formal demand upon
Mr. Talbot for the books, asking a yea and nay
voto upon the demand, so that if it became
necessary to apply for a writ of mandamus I
could know upon whom to serve it. The
refusal to surrender the books was
by a strict party voto. The last
examination of these accounts was made—
never. In 1870 an abortive examination was
begun. I have alao mado a partial investi
gation, but aa the books containing an item
ized uccount of expenditures have been held,
of course it was impossible to detect any ir
regularities. They can’t keep the books from
mo much iongar. With $Wf),OQO a year pass
ing through tbe office, you can see what an
opportunity for stealing is offered.”
The conversation then drifted into politi
cal channels. Hefei ring to the approaching
campaign in Massachusetts, the governor
said: “Tarty lines will be badly broken in
this fight. Manyj staunch republicans wilt
support my nomination, whtlo many so-call
ed democrats will as bitterly oppose me.”
"Do you attach any imjxjrtance to tbe
meeting of indejiendenls, at which Colonel
Theodore Lyman, Charles Francis Adams,
Francis A. Walker, and others adopted reso
lutions opposing your election?”.
“Oh, they are a lot of republican dudes,
that is all. They are too nice for the party,
and have come out. They don't know what
they want. They indorse Mr. Kobinson, and
decline (o indorse the candidate for lieuten
ant governor, Mr. Ames?”
“Why do they not support Mr. Ames?”
"Simply because he is not nice enough, and
was not born on Beacon street. Why, sir, his
father actually made shovels. You can’t ex
ited such men to indorse so plebean a candi
date."
“George D. Robinson, the republican can
didate, uoes not suffer from such a stigma,
does he?"
"Oh, Mr. Robinson is a great man. Why,
he haist-rved in congress six years.”
“How did he happen to be nominated?'
“After every available nutn had declined
tho position, a draft was ordered and Mr.
Robinson was pressed into service; but I
thought everybody had beard of Robinson.'
DENOUNCE. HAHONE.
In Senator Mabone's recent speech in tbe
Islo of Wight, Virginia, he was rejtorled aa
saying of ex-Congressiiian John Goode that
he bad held his seat by fraudulent votee, and
was therefore a cheat, also that it was a dis
grace to mention his name in connection
with the legal fraternity. Mr. Goode pub
lisbed a card to-day in which he says he has
juat seen tbe report on bia return home. He
then goes for Mahone aa follows: "As to his
reference to my connection with the legal
fraternity I have not the remotest idea wbat
he means; as to the other allegations, be
knew when he made it he uttered a deliber
ate lie; he knew that the state board of can
vassers bad unanimously awarded to me the
certificate of election, and that after tbe full
est investigation tbe bouse of representatives
decided that I was legally and fairly elected.
Where ii this man that thus traduces me in
my absence? Professing to be a democrat,
be made a corrupt bargain with the republi
cans by wblcb be betrayed his constituents—
sold for a price the people who hod honored
Itim with a representative trust. Pretending
to be tbe champion of tile people, he has
done more to debauch public morals and
ruin the good name of tbe state than
uay other msn who bos ever lived upon
her soil. Protesting bia devotion to tbe
material interests of Virginia, lie has bank
rupted one of ber greatest railroads, taking
core, however, to fill his own pockets with
enormous sums of money, for which be has
rendered no service whatever. Boosting of
bis prowess as a major-general in tbe coaled
erate army, he gave a vote in tbe senate by
which be attempted to write the word “trai
tor" ujton tbe brow of every confederate Jiv
ing and tbe grave of every confederate dead.
Claiming to be a believer in tbe so-called
code of honor, he brant upon his forehead to
day the brand of “liar and coward,” placed
there by General Jubal A. Early ia tha pres
ence of 10,000 people at tbe city of Richmond,
finch a men is unworthy of shy further notice
from me, and I dismiss hint ss beneath con
tempt.”
quarantine. Dr. S’ord telegraphs™™™™ I A CHARMING STUDY.
Brewton to-night that there have been two
deaths from malarial fever since the third,
and there are thirteen cases under treat
ment. On the recommendation of tbe board
of health, the post authorities to-night re-es-
atablished the quarantine against Pensacola.
It is said that owing to the indignation ex
pressed by the people and the press of Pensa
cola against the physicians who discover
yellow fever, the medical fraternitv find it
safer not to report to the board of health.
Statements by that board therefore, are not
regarded as satisfactory, especially when the
physicians are reported os declaring that there
have been a dozen cases of fever in Peusacola
during the past two weeks. The fever is said
to resemble the disease prevailing at Brewtou,
and to have been fatal in a large numberof
cases.
FROM THE FRENCH FRANCOIS COP-
PEE.
YELLOW Fa VAR.
Msblle lt«-CiUS:l.h,. Ike rmrQiarutlHAiilii
CiBiwa i ut Un«Ua>
New Oeleaes, October 9.—A special to tbe
Picayue from Mobile says: The board of
health here received to-day such advices from
Brewton tied it to advise the establishment
of a quarantine against that place. No egree-
ment apparently has been reached aa to the
character of the disease, but it is fatal and
VERY RAW RECRUITS.
(‘•(.Catered Patriot. MS. tV».t Itsodf. Hut Are Not
Aailm far Wood.
A few days ago tbe war department caused
placards to bo posted on all tbedead walls of
Atlanta calling for recruits for the great
American army. Theae placards gave the
graded pay of the several arms of tho service,
Including the non-commissioned officers ami
privates. These wages run from $U! to $10
per month, including feed, clothing, etc.
These placards staled that jtarUrs desiring
to serve Uncle 8am for these figures and per
quisites should apply at Camp Mitchell, at
the end of Pryor -treet. As soon ns these
terms and conditions were duly trait-dated to
the colored braves of tho city there begun ntt
immediate exodus of tills gentry to Camp
Mitchell, The-recruiting officer lias since
been beseiged by a motley crowd of mokes
anxious to enlist in defense of tbe govern
ment. They nre of all sizes and
conuitions, from the lightest
the blackest in color, front
the runtiest to tho gigantic in stature, and
from lie stalwart to the lame and the blind
in physical qualifications. They are Impor
tunate in their demands and life baa almost
ceased to be worth living to the courteous
officer whose lot it is to deal with the candi
dates. One of his chief means of settling the
ambitionsof the dusky warrion is to intimate
that their services are Immediately
required in the blizzardy northwest to chase
the savage Indian That usually cools the ar
dor of tbe applicant. The darkies are after
money, clothes, and three square meala a day,
and do not hanker after blood. As yet there
have been but few appHcantsfrom among the
whites and it is probable that but a small
batch of recruits will be obtained at thia sta
tion.
_ A Catting Scrape.
Prom tho Waynesboro Herald.
On last Friday just at tbe break of day, two
negroes, Melton Fuloher and John Grant,
had a serious difficulty on the Miller Rock;
creek piece, which canto near proving a "blac!.
Friday" to the latter. It seems that John
became desperately enamored of tbe charms
oi Melton's wile, and in Ilia absence of Melton
sought an opjiorliinity to unburden his heavy
heart and ponr into her yielding
ear the wild ravings of his grande
passiono. The fair dame soothed and
nattered by such eloquent and earnest pros
testations of undying devotion, unwiaoly
permitted the hapless swain to linger till the
dawn of day. Melton having arrived at tho
bouse of his wife a few hours previous, com
prehended tbe situation, and took- his stand
with unsheathed razor at the door, where
silently and grimly he awaited the egress of
the unsuspecting John. Finally the intruder
came forth and that razor entered upon its
bloody work with jealous vengeance. At
last accounts John was improving but badly
mutilated.
Throwing Stones ata Squirrel,
from the Atn.tlcua Republican.
On Sunday mornings. K. Holley was walk
ing along tbe pnbllc road, going homo from a
neighboring house when he saw a squirrel run
up a tree, He could not resist tbe tempta
tion, and stooping down lie picket! up a
email stone, throwing it at the squirrel. Bc-
ratiier old, in recovering his equilibrium,
ell and broke his right arm at the wrist.
He went borne, and with the assistance of Iain
wife, sot the broken bones, splintered and
bandaged it, and is nowwulkingarouid medi
tating on the criminality of violating the
Sabbath in the lightest form.
A Buddy in Black.
Prom tho Warrenton Clipper.
A detective led Into town a sable scion of
the “brother in black,” on Friday, and Sher
iff Sbnrley provided for him comfortable
quarters in tho county jail. Tite offender,
although not more than twelve years of ago,
has develojied a tendency teward criminality
that is in keeping with tbo record of his race.
Tbe crime with which this young rascal has
distinguished himself le that of hurling a
atone through a Window In one of the coach
es of the fast train, whllo it was in transit be
tween Camak and Thomson. If tbo law
against vagrancy was enforced as it should lie
in the state of Georgia, the dockota of tbe
different courts would not be oTerrun to such
an extent with pettjr cases.
Jumped a Dos.
Prom the Bjrlranla Tuiepbone.
On Saturday lost, we are Informed that a
party of young men went deer hunting in the
neighborhood of No. U. Central railroad, in
this county, and jumped a full grown doe
early in tne morning. The pack chased tbe
deer for tome hours in tbe forenoon, and all
the doge gave up the race except one young
hound, named Killbuck, a very appropriate
name by the way, owned by Mr Alexander
Barber. This dog hung on until about two
o'clock in tbe afternoon when lie overhauled
and killed tbe deer in the presence of several
darkle* and on* wblt* man. This is lb* first
instance we bare ever known of a deer being
run down end caught by a dog, anti that is
certainly the beat dog on record. HU master
says he does not care whether he gets a shot
or not, he U bound to get the deer.
An Old Man.
Prom the Perry Journal.
For a genuine etay-at-home kind of man
we think the subject of the following beate
anything on record: Mr. J. E. Jones, of
Snow. Dooly county, who was in -our office
Tuesday morning, told us of a man in hU
neighborhood who is seventy six years of age,
and who has never In the whole course of hU
life spent but one night from under the root
of the house in which he was born, and that
on that occasion he didn't sleep a week. Now
trot out your stay-at-home men and see who
can beat this.
Translated lor tbe Tlmes-Dcmoerat.
[Tho slmplo beauty of the French phrase, fsiro
dodo—familiar to all New Orleans mothers—defies
translation. We havo no English expressions capa
ble of rendering 1L "Fall dodo, mon bebe:’’ (go
to sleep, my baby) Is a more infantile, caressing
phraso than anything in our lullaby songs. The
wholestory which follows U founded on this pret
ty Idiom; and the translator has deemed It best to
leave tho idiom itself In (he origins!.—T.j
THE INVITATION TO SLEEP.
I.
Prom Le Figaro's "Conlcsde’Eie."
When he was quite a little boy—tong, long ago—
at home with his good fsther and mother. It used
to bo the hsppieet hour of the whole dsjr, Just be
fore bed-time.
Dtunerwssover-mamma, alter wiping the oil
cloth cover with a napkin, brought in a ball cup of
coflee; father was the only ono In the family who
took coffee, not aa a luxury, nor for greediness, but
because ho had to sit up vory late writing. And
while tho good men was swoetontug his Mocha,
with a single lump of sugar, mind! while all the
family were seated at tho round table, mamma (a
plump Utile body of forty,ilUl quite attractlve.cou-
tinually casting upon her husband quiet glancca.
Intelligently affectionate, like thoee oi a faithful
dog), mamma would bring the work basket. Tho
three slaters, horn lu three successive years,
much roaembled each other-ohaately oretty, tholr
dresses all out from tho snmo piece of goods, their
hair honestly smoothed down in browf bands like
that of dowerlesa girls who can never marry. Tn-y
would commence to hem handkcrchlela, while he.
tho urchin, tne youngest, the Hcnjamln of the fam
ily. tat upon his high chair—mule still higher for
him by a Koyaumout quarto illblo placed upon the
seat, so that ho could build a castle of cards upon
tho table.
In the long days of summer they used to llgnt
tbo lamp as late as possslble; and thruugh the open
window ooe could see tho stormy sky of sultry evo*
-'tgi, with wrathful looking clouds, aud right
.- dust the furnace of the sunset, the dome of tho
Invalldea all sheathed with gold.
Aa It la vey bad (or digestion to aet to work writ
ing Immediately alter dlnnor, (her used to make
papa talk a llttlo. ao as to delay tbe moment when
he ahould begin his evening labor—copies of notes,
accounts, etc, (at aix sous the sheet), fur a certain
city con tractor. The poor man, naturally Inclined
to romantlo revery and possessing literary tastes,
who in his ttndenldays Used to bymopbflhellenle
odea, had come to this pass at last, having lost all
hope of obtai ning oven a good position aa clerk,
and employed all his evenings in copying such
technical jargon as, “taking off and putting on
ek," "giving free play to tho catch," etc.
Hut ho would allow himsolf to forget all this for a
momi-nt, while gosalpleg with Ms wllo aud
daughters.
They chatted pleasantly, for they ware almost
perfectly happy In that household. A dealer iu
pictures of saints and angels, who kept a shop In
tho 1'iAco Hatut Sulploe, had offered the eldest glr)
—tali Fanny—whoso blond, curia were tho admira
tion of all the rapons of the salon Carre—fifty
francs for her pastel ropy of tbo Viorgoau Counln
vert, Tho second daughter, Lcontine, had been
drumming away all day at her Mcnuet do llocche
Utils , ,
cloak sbo had seen In a dressmaker's window In
Kuudu Had
“Louise, my child,” cried tho lather, “you are
building caaucsln Hpaln!"
And Uiojr laughed.
lint mamma began to talk seriously. II pspa
liouhl get that llulo extra allowance, she hail no
ticed at the f'odt Balm Thomas establishment, a
flue tumploolmorluo—“aulcoeolor and Just tho
right width tor your wlutcrdretsea,M(sdemolselles.’
And aheaddrd, gravely: “Ills all wool!”—Just aa
cotton had - rn-vei existed and at If so many
thousand negroes bad not beon kept in slavery on
account of It.
Suddenly—It was almost dark in tho mom—papa
saw that bis little hoy had fallen sound asleep wtih
lilt head on Ills arm, amid tbo fallen ruins of tho
last castle of cards.
“Alii ahl" cried tho good matt merrily, “ao
tbe Dustman haa been here,"
What an exuulslta ni- mcut! Ho will never for-
sisters pressed In turn upon bit drowsy forchetd;
then with a delicious sensation as of fainting
away, he let his Utile head fall upon his mother's
shoulder, acd vaguely heard a sweet voice—oh! to
tweet, and so caresalug! murmur In big ear.
-Malulcnant II a'aalt domain dodo!”
Twenty years later he was an unpublished poet,
a rhyming student; and he was on a county pleasure
trip with his little Maria—who resembled ohe of
Corrt-glo'a madonnas, aud might have been taken
for an Knglblt girl.
On Ibolrarrlva), after leaving the public convey
ance and p'aclng their baggase In a chamber of tho
Inn, they had both laughed a good deal at the
framed brevet of the fencing master, the bouquet
of orange flowers under a glass shade, the great big
boat-shaped bed, and the wall-paper on wltlch was
reproduced ad Infinitum a nabob smoking hit
“ “ —“ olephant, But when
. w looking out upon tho
real country, and had gazed at tho
'oreal,allhamldand
trees, they uttered a
his month, and received that notice, he did not
want to goto the funeral. Why attend the funeral
of aman he despised f What was the good of such
hypocrisy! It was a literary “comrade,” a con
frere—lior ridiculous the word!—but an unscru
pulous fellow, a venal scribbler. Nevertheless he
„ h,m * uy h . ar , m Quite the contra-
ZL* !Jn,' 0 ,'L‘.S. aype W?!! 1 , [nlcrcl1 - )u«t for pure
Journalist had Mama showed him a
SS2s lh 7iifSi.W 4 ? hl ? , blush 10 think of-had
praised him with tact, and had oven warmly do-
i*eneeded a defender. If they
—- *—*-
meet*
!T’ ills ,5?,“ 11,1 “SalpiylSan?“that ‘funeral’
if” owed that much politenesslo the dead man. at
a I events.
And on that sloppy, rainy November morning,
he shaved and dressed earlier than usna), break!
fasted In haste—the eggs were not fresh, phew!—
look a cab which smelt of wet dog, and got rate to
ehurcb, when tho funeral service wa« nearly over.
o”es,armet! Presenlez. armes!" and the roll
of muffleddrums fell upon bisear.
What! soldiers? Ah, yes! It It true; thore is a
cross of honor on the catafalque. The deceased
had obtained that err ssln the sllmcaof political In
trigue, with which »ome female names were scan
dalously mixed up. And the poet, as he bowed
own at the olevatlon, felt ashamed of the crimson
ribbon that hung at bis own breast.
But since he came he might as well remain to
the end The absolution Is given. He follows the
rest In line, aprtukles a little, holy water, re-enters
his cab, and tho funeral procession moves through
tho boulevards toward the cemetery. Tncre the
eternal and lugubrious comedy of death
Is repeated; tho mournora. who have been laughiog
■it tha wavahaot tug night’s scandal, now assume
„ - . preialon of countenance, the
ridiculous orator Ilea ilko a quack In bit funeral
oration, worded especially for the purposo of
B uffing himself. Ho haa enough of this farce.
le foresees that at the exit he mntt again shako
hands with those whose touch lsadtshouortohtm.
Ho slips aside before the end, and after concealing
himself a moment behind a magnificent monu*
men t erected to the memory of a dry-goods mer
chant, hurrlcsaway by in uafrequcntccfpath.
It has ceased to min, but the sooty sky. the dead
leaves In the mud, tho black trees dripping
the tombs, the unhealthy, epidemical wind a
os It pastes—all are t
But
ghastly]
denljr an Inexpressible jadne* falls upon tho
jonxer young, that ho lino longer strong, that his
life Is lull of troubles and vexations, and that bis
so called "envied reputation," his paper-glory is
nothing, absolutely nothing I Ho says to himself
that when he Shalt bo laid in tho ground, soon, the
same will lie done for him at for that worthless man;
there will ho the same rattling of rifle-butts upon
tho pavement, the same' Indifferent mourners
loki ;g In their hacks, the same grotesque orator
jn his white cravat littering absurdities with the
atrical emotion, while a complaisant friend holds
t umbrella over him.
And he la ao saturated with sadness and disgust
that ho wishes he were already dead, and that It
weroal) over—forever. Ob! howgood It would be
to sleep!
then. In the murmuring of the sobblngwind
tat bends tbe cypresses, he fancies that be hears—
aa In response to hit ghastly wish—those words
which recall to him the best momenta of his life—
tho words uttered only by his beloved mother, and
tbe dear woman who loved him most of all:
“Malntenant, 11 a’aglt do lain dodo!”
Fra is cots Coffee.
AN AVANT COURIER.
going lotted, leavlug tho w
nightingales mlgbl awake It
And they wen ao happy, s
routing, and bemuse that beastly thing money,
always difficult to obtsltt. Hut at last they were
ilo to buy themselves tha luxury ol leisure and
se air. They had ealan artichokes a la polrnde
A Heavy Pull.
From the Bnmler Bepublican.
A school teacher, not far front America*,
went bird bunting last week, and finding a
good tree, took * aland, l’retty soon * num
ber of dove* were perched in the branches
right over hia head. He took a good aim,
pulled the trigger on the right hand aide,
when both barrels went off. Tire rebound
was so heavy that tbe school teacher was
thrown over, and the seat of bis pants knocked
out. This it a feet as told by Ed Littleton.
An Egg Within en Egg.
From theCuthbert Appeal.
Mrs. Ellington brought ua a few days aince
tbe greturn curiosity we ever saw in tbe way
ot a hen’s egg. It was of usual size and shape
except acros* and neer the tsjiering end ol
the egg wee * miniature egg, shoal the size of
a man’s thumb, stuck bard and fast. That
hen evidently hail a scrap left, and intended
retiring from businea end thus disjMsed of
her last remnant.
A waitt*Sqolrr«l.
Prom tha Hartwall Hun.
'A few days ago we saw ourfirat whitetqnir-
rel—or rather, iu hide. Mr. L. J. King
brought it to thia office. He ays there were
three on bia place, and ha intended catching
and taming them, but a negro shot this one.
It wo* perfectly white all over, and the tail
would make a beautlful plume for a lady’s
bat Lewis can be want* to propagate tbe
breed If poaibfe.
thuilasm they kitted each other fairly upon
mouth In the full presence of that beautiful nature.
Aud lor two days, two excessively warm Juno
days—while the atmosphere was heavy ss that of a
vapor bath, but tllxhtlr cooled by occasional .bow
ers—they lived tzere, wandering through tho
woods horn morning to evening, and always before
.... —- windows open that the
them.
, ao happy, that they had
forgotten all their paaft'and It seemed that they
‘ ’ its jived In that rustlo chamber. Hhe had
tho charm of a home—tho pretty blonde!—
a throwing her pa “
bed, when they b
. romenadesand by placing tier coquolUsh
a rlM-ttohat un top of the glass shade which coveted
te faded bouquot oforango flowers
Ho hid loved others, but be was tho first ha had
really loved—the only ono he eould have loved with
■rich ntiiw abandonment of self—with titcb thor-
ugh ronUdetico cntlo, silent, affectionate, and
o dainty, with eyes so tenderly mischievous! He
.raa mad with love of her, Intoxicated with the per
fume of her presence, with her pretty childish talk,
with the wise and an re II lllo pouting of her mouth
when the was pensive. And she loved him so In
nocently In morn that If ha were obliged to be ab
aent from her even for two days, sbo would write
him—Ina big clumsy hand-such adorable letters,
full of sentiment and bad a),o!!lug!
It was a long time aince he had first proposed to
make thia country trip; and for a long lime he had
not been able to do It Why? Because liberty Isa
rare thing, and bemuse tbal beastly thing money,
leap 1 *
able
undert'beif.weraorefed wjthnasiurUam 'flowers,
thnr hid drank rlgloglet, which rasped their
throats at it went down; they bad slept In country
sheets, peasants’ sheets, very white and veiycoane;
they had run at hazard among the thickets, where
■ho had gathered and eaten blackberries and wdd
strawberries, and where, like one of Tbeocritns’a
shepherds, orad-y-goods clerk on a Hunday stroll,
he had cut bia Initials and those of Maria upon tbe
white hark of the blrcbtree with hla penknife.
But the sweetest moment of all those sweet boon
—the moment ol which the memory will recalls
tender smile lo hla aged lips, forty or fifty years
la’er, when he shall be dragging hla Invalid’s cane
over the sand of Fettle Providence—was about 11
o’clock on the eve of Utelr departure.
As it was raining in torrents they had been sit
ting up lap! In-fore the great fireplace In fbe kitchen
—he, drying hit heavy hunting boots, sbs arrang
ing tha bunch of wild flowers which she wanted
tolmng back to Pails. Then Ihey had gona up
•rain la Utelr room, where they chatted for awhile,
aud laughed to hear the Innkeeper dragging hla
lame 1 g after him through the ball nrtqr to ctoslog
tha shutters, At last all was bushed; IBS rain bad
ceased,- and they suddenly fait ibenuelv.a wrapped
about with the great silence and the deep solitude
of a country night.
Without a word aha took the aolltary candle and
placed It on the mantle place, before tnedlngy and
fly specked mirror, and commenced
ber nlgbt toilette. He, sitting In
the great arm-chair, with fealfcromed. watched bar,
drowsy with contentment and fatigue.
Hbe had doffed bardreaa and it'
tha satin corset which clasped I
and was lilting ber somewhat sleuoer arm-grace
fully above bar bead to unfasten her hair, when she
■aw In the glass her beloved smiling at ber; and lu
tbe glass she returned bis smite.
How ha loved bar at that moment! He already
anticipated tbe dainty pleasure of tbe good-night
klas, with her arms around hia neck In lira laven
der-perfumed bed.—the pleasure of slumbering on
tha Innocent heart which beat only for him.
Aud then It was tbat. self divining hla thought,
•be came to seat herself upon hla knees, pul hat
pretty bare arms around him; and, with bar Cue
aweef eyes, hall-closed by sleep, looking cloeelr Into
hie own. she said to him, ooexlngly a- sehlld that
want, tu be rocked to alnmber, In a voice faint with
drowhlwek*:—
—'•Malntenant, II i'hU <tore dodol”
To-day ho U old. this writer of lore stories, ihla
merchant of dreams. Uis hair Is grisly, wrinkle*
have gathered about hla eyes, hia ttomoch is weak
—he la a broken down man, aa they aay.
This morning when he awoke, with a ba-1 taste la
Tha Doing* or m Sharper In Mirletfe-k Good Open*
fag for* Ulrcn*.
Several citizens of the highly respectable town of
Marietta are tearing their hair on account of tho
doings of a well dressed stranger who swooped
down on the quiet city like a wolf on the fold.
Several days ago a man who gave his attao as
E. M. Stephen* appeared in Marietta, and annouuc-
that ho was the avant courier
Robinson's circus. Do prepared
to bill tho town and contracted with a carpenter to
put up a number of bill boards. Ho was lionized
by soveral prominent citizens who had an eyo to
praspcctlre "comps." Onedaya councilman was
riding tho showman out and they came to a llulo
bridge.
"Let me look at this,” remarked the avant cou
rier as ho alighted from the buggy and examined
tbe bridgo.
"That bridge." he remarked with a critical eye,
will not hold tho elephant up. We have tho big
gest elephant on tho road ”
Thu councilman promptly hau tho bridgo braced
»that Jumbo might p»uw lu safety.
Tho khowmen struck tho bank for 9230, struck
tho carponter for $20 and stuck the butcher who
was to furnish the meat for tho aulmaLs. Ho then
quietly withdrew, and tho people are now tearing
their hair because he wont como back. In tho
meantime there is a good opening fora .circus lu
Miirlcllii, with cviTtlilm: r< n!> including men!
for tho animals and a bridgo for tho big olephant
to go over.
A GOOD MAN DEAD.
If ever a roan left this earth with tho certainty
of going to a hotter world, that man lies dead In
that room theta.','
This was tho remark of an old school frhtd
Dr. M. J. Ely, at tho funoral of tho latter on yes
terday. And a truo remark It was, too. A gcutlo
Christian man, Who took all things uncomplain-
lngly—who was lust, quick in his sympathies, and
this was Dr. Ely.
Ho had boon a citizen of Atlanta but a few weeks.
And yi t bo was beloved by nil mon who knew him.
A largo crowd gathered at his rcsldenco to drop a
tear over his hlor and follow his remains to tho
grave. The Knights of Pythias and tho physlcl ms
of Atlanta took charge of tho funoral services. Dr.
Ely's father, hla two brothers and Mr w. it Mom
of Augusta, Ills brother In law, were present To
them and to 'ho bereaved and desolatewlfo and the
aihcrlcf.8 children wo extend our hoanlost syo pa*
hies. _
Offiffi *1 lh« llllle
From the Nashville Banner.
Tho proprietors of Tai Atlanta Cowrmvnov
will this week begin the erection of a bandrome
building for tho paper. Tho structure will bo five
stories high, of pressed brick aud granite, and will
bo supplied with all the conveniences of a first
class printing establishment. Til* Constitution Is
not only ore of tbe beat butalso ono ot tho moat suc
cessful newspapers in the south, and Is to be con
gratulated upon the progress it Is making and the
prosperity it enjoys.
Olveras In Ue«rglN,
From tho New York Evening Post.
The most Important of tho acts of tho last Geor
gia legislature vetoed by Governor McDaniel was
the divoroe bill. The constitutional convention
lengthened the time In which a dlvorco coull bo
procured, and thus established the policy of tho
state on this point. Tho legislature attempted to
shorten the process again. Tbo veto puts tho law
ba* k toltaconbtltiiUonal statu*, and makes ihu di
vorce procos a tedious and public one In Goorala
Hsstag la a Sew Ann UoUege.
Nr.w Brunswick, N. J.. October 9.-Walter
Brodieof Genecsee, New York, treahmaa at Rutger
college, was hazed recently by six masked students.
His clothing was stripped from his bodv, and he
was smeared with Ur and subjected to other inde
cent treatment. At a meeting of tho faculty to
day, the students who did the hazing were expcll-
ed. _
Death Freia Nerve** Shecki
Special to The Constitution.
Nashville, Tenn., October O.-t-A singular death
occurred to-day ina as mill A aplla ter from the
end of a log flew off, striking William Allen in the
side, and cauMug insUnt death. There wai no
bruise, nor did (be splinter enter bh flesh at all.
The coroner's Jury returned a verdict of death from
nervous shock, _
Tha Ilcst Hraeisg.
From the Athens Chronicle.
Thk ATLANTA ConstitutioN of Sunday was a six
teen page numberand filled with tho beat reading.
This great paper will compare with any paper iu the
country for vim and enterprise.
BROTHER BLAINE AND HIS BOOK.
Far away in freezing Maine
Hrother Blaine
Finds an ever new delight
When he aft* him down to write,
Working m a quiet nook
At nu book.
Strong and active 2s your brain,
Brother Naina,
And a boat of public men
Know that you can wield the pen-
Best of all that Boston man,
Mulligan.
What If you ahould now In soolh
i fll ihu tru li.
Fully printing all you know,
Hparlng neither friend or foe?
Men? T whai discordant cxfea
All the riotous days of Grant,
Hayes's cant,
Garfield's weak and tricky ways—
Blame would leave no room for praise
-New York Sun