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2 THE ATLANTA HERALD. JOSIAH CARTER, I J. C. McMICHAEL, Editor. | Businegs Manager. Published by the Herald Newspaper Co. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION: Daily, one year, 96.00; six months, >1.00; three months, 75 cents; one month, 25 cents; one week, six cents; delivered in the oity by carrier or sent by mail postage tree. h ntered at the Atlanta Postojhce as second-class mail matter. Office No, 67 South Broad Street. No Light, No Money. The couhty commissioners move in a mysterious way. They met today and so far changed their order for an election as to make it on the 16th of May, a day on which the people will vote on the $182,000 water bond issue. But the esteemed commissioners r would not say where the jail or the reformatory or the court house would -Z. be located, nor give any other informa tion than that they would spend $50,000 on the reformatory and a SIOO,OOO on the jail and $450,000 on the court house. Well, the people say, “If you can’t trust us in this matter we will not trust you.” So the commissioners are a little premature in apportioning the money. They figure like the fellow who said, “When I catch this rat and two more I will have three.” After a while the commissioners will learn to take the people into their confidence and then we will have a new court house. ><■»>< The Big Man and the Little Men. Just at this time President Cleve land has our profound sympathy. He is in the midst of a political hub bub of the most furious character, and our own state is one of the chief par ticipants. We wish we could rescue Mr. Cleve land from this disgraceful turmoil, but he will not even know that |he has so much as our good wishes, for he is so hemmed in by hungry office seekers that the outside world cannot reach him. The president is a wise and patriotic man, with broad ideas, well considered plans and is earnestly seeking to further the interests of his countrymen. He has a deep sense of the responsibility that rests upon him and is consecrated to his task. He is far above the jeal ousies of small politicians and abso lutely free from their selfishness. And yet Mr. Cleveland is the vic tim of the trickeries of the politicians for in many things he must rely on tell him. If he gets the trujth be by accident. He will a man an jpce ton the score of ?ess and 10, he wifl be simply pay yi.. / » debt for a politician, or he will refuse another man an office and be settling the score of a jealous par tisan. Out of the fujy will come a few fel lows with jobs, a good many fellows with disappointment and bitterness, and there will be nothing in it all of special profit or pride to the people. We wish Grover Cleveland could / know Georgia as she is, and not as she appears when presented by the horde of small men and wire pullers who are using him to pull the chest nuts out of the fire. Are Carlisle and Gresham Pout ing? The New York Herald in a Wash ington dispatch of a column’s length says Carlisle and Gresham are grow ing restive under the restraints put upon them by the president. . Below are extracts from The Herald’s telegram: There is considerable trouble ahead for the new administration. It is nearing the rocks of discord. There are very distinct and alarming rumblings of discontent among the members of Mr. Cleveland’s official household. As yet, however, there has been no open breach between the president and any member of the cabinet. The trouble has been caused by Mr. Cleveland’s determination to take indi ual charge and direction of every branch of the government. Men like John G. Carlisle and Walter Q. Gresham did not like this. Friends of both these gentlemen tell me they had quite de cided views as to the policy they should pursue in directing these important branches of the government. The very broad intimatiorf, therefore, that has been given them by Mr. Cleveland that he de sired to be consulted in all matters before any action was taken has both surprised and pained them. The president is deter mined to run the administration single handed, using the members of the cabinet simply as instruments to carry out his will. There is still another source of annoy- RM ance to members of the cabinet, particu larly to Secretary GreshaM and Secretary Carlisle. It is the unusual powers given by Mr. Cleveland to CoIoneLvLAMONT. Heretofore the portfolio of war has not • been regarded as by any means the most important, but there can be no doubt that its present head will have more influence at the white house than all the rest of the cabinet combined. A good illustration of this feeding was told me today. An intimate lady friend called on Mrs. Carlisle in search of em ployment. She wanted a clerkship in the treasury department, and felt shat if any one could secure one Mrs. Carlisle could. Mrs. Carlisle told her: “I am sorry, but it cannot be done. Mr. Carlisle has no places except those with very small salaries attached at his disposal. All appointments are made from the white house. In fact, I may say that John is nothing more than one of the president’s clerks. If it were to be done over again I can assure you John would remain in the senate.” Very likely there is some truth in the above, but not enough to hurt. Gresham and Carlisle have known Mr. Cleveland long enough to under stand his ways. He is president and never has been and never will be a -figure head. The Sketch Book. Recently, four prisoners confined in Ful ton county jail set fire to the roof in order to effect their escape. This looks like arson,but it seems it isn’t, so the law says. If a man sets fire to a house in the city he is guilty of arson, and if convicted is punished with death or imprisonment for life. The same law applies to dwelling houses in the country. The difference between a fire in a jail and one in a residence is this: The prison ers, frequently numbering as many as one hundred, have no opportunity to escape except by one door, while the family in a dwelling house has every opportunity to get safely and quickly out by at least one of the many doors or windows. The supreme court has held that a pris oner cannot be indicted for arson if he uses fire as a means of attempting or effecting his escape, and the four prisoners were tried by Judge Westmoreland for defacing a public building. This seems hardly (just, but such is the case. According to the law these men were no more culpable than if they had written their names on the court house walls or knocked a piece of plastering from the capitol. Had the fire not been promptly dis covered it would have gained headway quickly and possibly many lives lost. It does seem that this matter should have the attention of the lawmakers of this state and some provision be made to at least give the one who endangers hun dreds of lives the same medicine that is given to one who jeopardizes a few. The jail officials have quite an aesthetic boarder i n the person of George Roberts. His cell is decorated in away quite out of place amid its gloomy surroundings. Fair faces of famous actresses look at you from the whitewashed walls, and the ceiling is covered with artistically arranged Japanese napkins. The cruel iron bars are hidden from view with highly colored pictures, while the rays of light through the narrow window are softened and tinged by colored papers. The county should employ George to ex ercise his skill and taste on the entire building. An order was issued last week by the ordinary which changed Judge Blood worth’s courtroom to the building adjoin ing. The contractors were slow in finishing the new rooms, and the judge was some what exercised about the matter as the time for holding court approached. If the change of quarters was not made by the date ordered by the ordiuary a question would arise about the legality of the acts of the court held in the old place. The work was finished late on the even ing of the last day of grace, and that night the judge and his bailiffs were engaged until a late hour in making the transfer. When the work of moving was finished there still remained a few hours to spare before the day named in the order. Why don’t some of our public-spirited citizens, who desire an everlasting monu ment to their memory, build a tower on Fort Walker, at Grant park? The place is admirably adapted for an observatory. A building of granite sixty feet high placed in the center of the old fort would be the greatest attraction of the park. The view from the top would he grand and embrace many miles of as pretty scenery as' can be found in the state. Let us have a tower by all means. It is doubtful if the proprietor of a Mitchell street restaurant ever carefully studied the sign that adorns the western wall of his place of business. In modest letters at the top of the wall is the announcement that the building is occupied by a first class restaurant, while immediately below in colors the meuit of a dyspepsia cure are set forth. Speaking of signs, there’s one at the jail which contains a warning it would be well for every one to heed. On the big white fence where it can not fail to be seen are these words: “Posted—The public is warned to keep out.” What has become of the big fountain to be erected on Marietta street? BASEBALL This week. Atlanta vs. Chicago. Brave Up, Men. tj Ju few&'p Am If the ladies insist on wearing crinoline, there is no reason why they should have it all their own way.—Truth. A Good Flan. Mr. Micawber— l wish I knew some nice easy way to make money. Mrs. Micawber —Well, my dear, you might get your life insured and then die.— New York Weekly. Dixie Baking Powder. Absolutely none better. DAMAGED SHOES =FOR sale== AT YOUR OWN PRICE ! Having several hundred pairs of damaged and sample shoes on hand, we will offer same AT YOUR OWN PRICE for ten days. We also show the best $3.00, $4.00, $6.00 and $6.00 Men’s Shoes on the market. John M. Moore Shoe Co., RETAIL STORE, NO. 2 WHITEHALL. ~>“Wear Southern-Made Shoes.”< THE HERALD, ATLANTA, GEORGIA. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5, 1893. A SLANDERi Mr. Hoke Smith Is Not Colonel Dink Botts, of Lumpkin. The New York Sun pretends to have discovered that Secretary Hoke Smith and Colonel Dink Botts are one and the same—a sort of Dr. Jekyel and Mr. Hyde—the grand transformation scene taking place every day at sp. m. The Sun’s story is as follows: The Portrait of a Slaiestnaa. The secretary leaned back until the great armchair creaked. The cheese sandwich lay untasted before him, but from time to time he sipped absent mindedly at a glass of American ginger ale. A little traveler’s clock on his desk struck 1. He started, and a series of shudders seemed to run up and down his seventy-two inches of massive bulk, like bubbles in a glass of champagne. With a sort of convulsive backward twitch of his head he looked up at the portrait hung over his desk, a full-length figure in oils of a portly, middle-aged man with a genuine Lumpkin county smile on his face. “Great Scott!” cried the secretary, shaking bis fist at the chipper counte nance of the portrait, “how much lon ger can this go on without detection? First it didn’t come until 6 o’clock, yesterday it was only 5 :30 o’clock, and today I feel as though it might come at any moment. If it could only be put off until after dark; but no, here are the days getting longer and longer, and the Thing coming a little earlier every day. What if some of the watch men or charwomen ” Here the secretary struck che desk a ringing blow, and laughed the kind of laugh that is not good to hear. “O, haven’t I had a good time since I left Atlanta,” he cried. “I don’t mind working like a roustabout, but it’s enough to break up any man’s nerves to go through what I have to every day. Well, there’s no way out of it. I may as well go to work while I can. Perhaps I may have four hours yet, but that horrible feel ing in my head ..tells me that the Thing’s going to come early today. What is it, Jerry?” “Colonel Munk Irish and' Major Buck Whilkins, sir, to see about Colo nel Hightower Sweat’s appointment.” “Show them in, Jerry.” Jerry shows them in. “Good morning, colonel; good morn ing, major. Glad to see you. Haven’t reached Colonel Sweat’s name yet, but shall try to get down to it this after noon. His papers are all right. I see you are interested in that portrait, Colonel Irish. Natural, isn’t it?” “About the best I ever see, Colonel Smith, unless ’twas the red cow that was painted on the sides of old Shack Muffletrib’s butcher cart down in the valley. Poor old Shack! He might have been postmaster at the Creek if he’d lived.” “Well, the’re a few of us left yet, Colonel,” said the secretary pleasantly. • “Well, we didn’t want you to be lonely, Mr. Secretary. We came on to see Mr. Botts ” “Never mind about Mr. Botts now, gentleman. If you will call around about 5 o’clock I think I can tell you just how Colonel Sweat’s case stands.” At 4:50 o’clock Colonel Munk Irish and Major Buck Whilkins were again ushered into £the secretary’s private office. He was still busy writing at his desk, and asked them to be seated. Colonel Irish had been going about the city without a cab for most of the day, and he dropped into a doze. Major Buck Whilkins, always vigilant, fixed his eyes upon the back of the secre tary’s head. After studying that for a few minutes his eye was caught by what seemed to be' little tremulous waves of motion running across the canvass of the portrait. Colonel Buck Whilkins knew Washington whisky, and he was prepared to receive sur prise parties without emotion; but when, after various little preliminary gurgles, the clock struck 5, it occurred to the major that something was hap pening. From the figure at the desk came a low but dreadful groan; from the portrait an exultant and tumultu ous whoop. The floor shook as the great portrait, frame and all, jumped down. Major Buck Whilkins, in spite of the instinct of calmness natural to a man familiar with the wine of the country and its ingenious optical illusions, breathed hard and felt at once a tightening and a quickening of the heart. He felt the need of companionship and the strength of numbers, and he kicked vainly but instinctively at the shins of Colonel Munk Irish, whose upturned nose was droning a magnificent hymn to sleep. Alone was Colonel Buck Whilkins obliged to see a figure in a guilt frame, and weighing perhaps two hundred and seventy pounds, pour out a little cordial glass of the contents of a corking big demijohn which the painter had depicted inZthe right-hand corner. The secretary started up, fell back, waved his hands, but feebly for so athletic a man. He seemed under a spell. He made a little resistance to the portion offered him, but his physical, an,d apparently his mental agony, was extreme. It was only for a moment, however, like the gasps of a man taking laughing gas. S&He sank back. Tenderly the Portrait Man put the frame around him. The secretary’s form and features seemed to undergo some sudden and subtiliz ing change, at once fading, and bright ening. His eyes looked straight at Major Buck Whilkins, who shifted his position in Vain. His face gained color, an ethereal smile hovered on his lips, a certain affected attitude was observable in him. It was all done in a moment; too quick for Major Buck Whilkins or any other man to describe. “But when I saw the fellow with whiskers hang up the secretary on the wall in the gold frame,” said the major at the Metropolitan that evening, “I just give a good yell, and ran as fast as I could, leaving Munk there.” After this speech the major was moss un justly put to bed by his friends, and filled with' bromide and eromatic spirits of ammonial > 1/- '• It was dusk wi\en Colonel Irish woke up. It was not so dark, however, that he could not see who handed to him Colonel Hightower Sweaty ap pointment. “What, you here, Colonel Botts? Why, I must have been asleep. Where’s the secretary?” “Oh, he asked me/to give you this; I’m helping him a little about the ap pointments, you see. Good evening, colonel.” ' ; “We waited for you until 8 o’clock last night, Mr. Smith,” said the Hon. John Allen, of Mississippi. “Why did you want us to eat our dinner cbld?” “Well, I’m very sorry, but I had an appointment at the department with Mr. Botts last night, and he kept me late.” AT CONEY' ISLAND. Corbett A srrees to Meet Mitohell There. From the New York World. . The Corbett-Mitchell match is tied as far as the champion is cuff 1 cerned. Even if the New Orleans clubs should raise Judge Newton’s bid, Corbett says he will stick by his agree ment with the Coney Islander. Law* yer Hummel expects a cable from Mitchell today, and if the latter is sat isfied with a $40,000 purse, which is almost a certainty, the northern makqr of matches will within twenty-four hours have a paper in his possession which $20,000 would not buy. This same paper is valuable as it is, but with the signature of Mitchell’s repre sentative underneath that of Corbett it will naturally become more precious.\ Corbett admits that his talk of $75,000 and all that sort of thing was more or less for effect. “I knew perfectly well that the purse would not be as great as Jim confessed yesterday afternoorf, “but I wanted to see what the clubs’ would do. It was ■my intention th rest for a week at Mount Clemens, but I thought by coming on to iNew York I could fix up the match and,h» done with it. It looked, up to ttie eleventh hour, as though nothing would be done, but Newton’s figures satisfied me and I signed.” “Had you heard nothing froth the Crescent City Athletic club?” asked a World reporter. “Not a word,” Jim replied, “save what appeared in the newspapers? f expected Charley Noel on here, but as he showed no disposition to try for the' match, I considered that he wasn’t anxious to have the fight in New Or leans. He may go on and bid now, but the match is a fixed thing unless they cable Mitchell a better offer. When the Englishman left he declared that I could have the privilege of naming the club, with the promise that it should be the club offering the best induce ments. Accordingly I signed wUtu Newton.” Corbett left at 5 :15 o’clock, p. m., for Montreal in company with Mrs. Cor bett and Manager Brady. He will not see New York again for eight months, and it was principally on this account that he wished to settle the question of a battle-ground. Lawyer Hummel is in favor of Coney Island, and will sign for Mitchell the moment he receives word from the English pugilist. . sls, $lB and S2O solicp oak* this week at Snook & Son. I T\ TA will secure lodgings \ l IOP lIQV in P leasant neighbor lip £ Udj hood, convenient and J within easy access of the grounds during the World’s Fair. Dates are now being made for the months of May and June. Parties of six or more will be met 10 or 15 miles out from city and escorted to house. As dates are being rapidly taken up those desiring to secure pleasant quarters would do well to apply at once. Address, F. W. Brown,! 373 W. Van Buren street, Chicago, 111. BASEBALL This week. ?? Atlanta vs. Chicago. Did He Understand? He was seated across the room. “George,” she said, “if afire were to sud denly break out ip the house what would be your first impulse do you think?” “Well, my first thought would be for you of course. I would get you to a place of safety and then do what I could to extin guish the flames.” “It would be very nice of you my dear to think of me first, but if a fire were to break out now for instance, wouldn’t you lose valuable time in running across the room ?” —Exchange. —•« ", Not Much! - 1 Mrs. Billus—John, you smell awfully of tobacco! Why don’t you quit smoking the vile, horrid, nasty stuff? Mr. Billus (righteously indignant)—lf you think, Maria, I’m going to pay more than 40 cents a pound for my smoking to bacco just to please a woman thas’s no judge and couldn’t tell the difference to save her life, you’re going to be xnost beau tifully left, madam. —Chicago Tribune. In Cash. Manager (t o popular leading man)—What salary do you expect? Leading Man—l must have a contract for S7OO a week. Manager—That’s understood, but how much actual cash do you want for your services? ' Leading Man—Thirty dollars a week.— New York Herald. Generous. Wholesale Merchant—We will give your boy a chance, sir, to learn the business, but the first year he will not receive any salary. Father of the Boy (dubiously)—rWhat will he get the second year? Merchant—Veil, if he is faithful. And apt the second y< .r, we will double what he gets the first.—Texas Siftings. i Bwes KMMHHiiIMKpij AS ffIMT Sfflfi MEDICINE A FIRST-CLASS LAXATIVE. Just What You Need at This Season of the Year. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact that there is no remedy that can compare with that standard and carefully prepared remedy, Gold sjtiith’s “Laxative Prune Syrup.” It is a most delicious fruit syrup, pleas ant tp the taste and efficient in action, 1 especially adapted to those who are not very regular and vigorous, and who do not care to take active cathartic purges, but who need a mild and effi cient laxative, but which at the same <fme fills every requirement necessary It this season of the year. | Under its action the liver is relieved from engorgement and a cure will fol low in all cases of constipation, bilious Jpiarrhoea, headache, nervousness, drowsiness, jaundice, fever, and all the ailments that follow a dormant liver or impaired digestion. It regulates ‘the stomach, increases the appetite, ' insures refreshing sleep, and wards off numerous’spring and summer diseases. Every one at this season of the year needs an apperient, and there is none better, cheaper, or more pleasant to the taste than “Laxative Pruhe Syrup.” If people as a rule, also children sub ject to the diseases of the season, would use this syrup, they would find their health improved, and save expensive doctor’s bills, as well as much suffering. Price 34 cents per large bottle, at Jacobs’ Pharmacy, corner Peachtree and Marietta streets. Have Laxative Prune Syrup handy to use when your liver becomes dor mant, or your bowels constipated. In this respect “An ounce of preventive is worth a pound of cure.” Realistic. !• - 5 I .1. I 'mi I T'iA iswwii iSr 3^^/ * I ■ ii. ■* ha&j 111. a> j oiQp «i B list jssuii ,@W ,llglb I®U ’ —Life. What It Was. A London newspaper relates that a few days ago Queen Victoria was greatly charmed with a piece of music performed by the band playing in public at Osborne and sent one of her attendants to learn the name of the piece. The attendant came back and reported with some embarrass ment that it was entitled “Come Where the Booze is Cheaper.”—Argonaut. A Surprise. First Mature Maiden—Mr. Smith looks quite young and jaunty since his marriage, doesn’t he? Second Mature Maiden —Yes, so he does. He looks almost as young as he did when I refused him. He was 25 then. First Mature Maiden—lndeed! I had no idea he was 50. —Truth. Skeptical. “They are going to try the minister for heresy,” said Deaoop Potter by. “How so?” asked the sinner. “W’y, we had a pound party for his bene fit a couple of weeks ago, and what did he do but have a pair of scales and weitffi ev ery thing that was brought in.”f A ONCE MIGHTY MAN. THE “SHIP’S WRITER” WAS AT ONE * TIME A VERY GREAT POWER. A Legend of the American Navy Treating of a Common Seaman Who Surprised a Whole Man-of-war From the Bluejack ets to the August Admiral. The new pay table regulating the emolu ments of the enlisted men in the United States navy shows some very interesting things. Among others, it illustrates how the mighty have fallen. Time was when that person known as “ship’s writer” was a man of considerable importance on ship board, and one whose worth received recog nition in a high rate of pay. To the crew the first lieutenant is regarded as the pow er behind the throne, but in many cases his writer was a power that was greater than the throne itself. The monthly requisitions for money are made out by him, and it was a part of his duty to see that none of the men obtained more than their conduct entitled them to. The pay of all those who serve in the navy is of course regulated by a higher author ity, but the commanding officer of a ship always lays down certain rules which must be observed by the men if they want to draw from the paymaster their full month ly allowance. Nearly every man-of-war’s man has some reminiscence to relate of the writers with whom he has served. One of these tells of how an ancient bluejacket once presented himself, cap in hand, at the writer’s office. That individual, it appears, was busy at the time, and after an ineffectual attempt to gain a hearing the man went forward. He made another effort and again failed. A third time he tried it, only to be sharply told by the writer to go forward, as he did not have time to talk to him. He only went as far forward as the main mast, the place where all grievances on the part of the crew are carried. The officer of the watch, who was silently pacing the quarter deck, soon observed the quiet figure standing at attention near the mast, and on approaching him asked what was the trouble. “I would like to speak to the first lieu tenant,” said the man carrying his hand to his cap. “What do you want to speak to the first lieutenant about?” inquired the officer, somewhat nettled that the nature of the complaint had not been disclosed to him. “Well, sir, it is an important matter, and I would like to see the executive person ally about it.” The officer hesitated a moment, and then remembering that the navy regulations pro vide that no audience with the executive officer must be denied stalked off, knocked on the door of the executive and told him there was a man at the mast who wished to see him. The executive walked forward, and after returning the salute of the man was astonished to learn that he simply wanted his permission to speak to the cap tain. “What in the name of creation do you want to see the captain about?” asked the dumfounded officer as he hastily recalled the punishments he had caused to be in flicted without his superior’s authority. “Oh, it’s merely a private matter, sir,” was the reassuring response, “but it is a very important one to me, and I would like to speak to the captain abou ” “But can’t I settle it?” as’ . the execu tive after satisfying himaelf that he had not exceeded his authority and wishing to save his commander annoyance. “Tell me what’s the trouble, and I will lay the case before him.” “No, sir,” persisted the man. “I want to see the captain personally.” After that there was nothing more for the executive to do but to send the orderly to the captain with the message that there was a man at the mast who wanted to speak to him.' It was an unusual request, and that officer did not know what £o make of it. However, he came out of the cabin and walked to the mast, accompanied by the executive and the officer of the deck. “What is it you want, my man?” he in quired as the seaman carried his hand to his cap. “If you please, sir,” replied the latter, “I would like your permission to speak to the admiral.” “What the deuce—what do you want to see the admiral about?” gasped the aston ished commander. “Well, sir, it is an important matter, and he is the only man who can decide it, and I ask your permission to speak to him.” The trio of officers paced the quarter deck in silence for a few minutes. What the man wanted none of them could im agine. The captain said he had never heard of such a request being made before, and the officer of the deck, fresh from the na val academy, admitted that he never had either. After hearing how the man had gone through the regular and prescribed channels to gain an audience with the ad miral the captain concluded that it was best to notify the admiral that there was a man at the mast who had asked to speak to him. Admirals are not easily accessible, and the request was such a singular one to come from such a source that the admiral could hardly credit it when the orderly de livered the message. The captain was sent for, but he assured his superior that the man was not crazy, and that he had made a formal request to speak to him. he couldn’t say what he wanted to see him about. The man seemed to think that it was a matter of such importance that only the admiral should hear it. The gray bearded officer arose from- his chair, donned his uniform—for it would not do for him to appear upon the deck of his flagship except in the prescribed uni form of the day—and then, after drawing on his gloves, he sent word to the captain that he was ready to see the man. The captain came on deck, and accompanied by the first lieutenant and officer of the deck the two proceeded to the mast, where the figure of the seaman was outlined against a group of his wondering companions, who had assembled in the gangway, curious to know what it all meant. “Well, what’s the trouble with you?” asked the admiral as the man touched his cap and stood at attention. “If you please, sir,” replied the seaman, “I would like permission to speak to the ship’s writer.” The result of the Interview the legend does not tell, but it is melancholy to note in the new navy pay table that the services of the individual with whom the story deals are now valued at only $35 a month;—New York Times. A Good Case. The young fellow about the Jefferson avenue merchant’s store had. grown from bad to worse, and at last his employer had an open row with him. “What are you going to do about it?” asked the youth insolently. “I’ll Are you,” said the irate merchant. “You do and I’ll have you arrested.” The merchant gasped. “Have me arrested?’* he exclaimed. “What for?” “For firing in the city limits without a permit,” and the merchant risked it then and there.—Detroit Free Press. Two Extremes. Employment Agent—What was the mat ter with youi last place? Domestic —The couple had only been married a month, an I cudn’t stand th’ love makin. ; Agent—Well, here’s a chance in a house where the couple have been married 10 years. Domestic —That’s too long. I likes peace an quiet.—New York Weekly. Minister to the Court of St. James. We have been tendered the appointment by Mr. Cleveland of Minister to the Court of St. James, but we think we can serve the public ... to a better advantage by remaining at our same stand, a ; . 222 Marietta Street, And offering bargains, such as have run the populace wild. Last Saturday night we epn templated a rush for our $lO Easter suits, but the jam far exceeded our expectations, and a great many had to go away without being waited on; so, for This Week Only We shall sell another limited lot of the same clothing at the same price. We desire to give a pointer to all wanting a handsome Spring suit to Come at Once Or the Opportunity May Be Gone. The limited amount of suits we have set aside may be picked over to such an extent that you cannot get one to fit you. Remember $lB Suits for $lO For This Week Only. Time and tide waits for no man, neither will such bargains. The lame, the halt, the deaf, the blind, the long, the short, the poor, the rich, will all take advantage of these prices and you will be left out in the cold. UNION CLOTHING HOUSE, 222 Marietta Street. S. M. ROGOWSKIE, Proprietor. ONIC I’RICE Wed and Sat CHIMMIE FADDEN. He Uses His East Side Dialect to Describe a Scrapping Match. “Say, if I ever gets old ’nough t’ know wots good fer me, I’ll go inter de freak shows as de snug wot dissevered Harlem. I alius upsets de'growler jess when it’s full, an dat’s why I ain’t stuck <A vneself. See? “Everyting up t’ our house was runnin slick as er ambulance, an tings was comin my way so fast I comes near breakin me neck er dodgin ’em. Dat’s good ’nough fer a mug like me, ain’t it? Sure. “Well, lemme tell ye. I was out in de barn teachin de coachman’s kid dat new song, an was jess tellin ’im I’d give ’im one more chanst t’ sing it right er I’d tump ’im, when in comes ’is wiskers wider mug wot comes from Boston t’ visit us. Say, I was on t’ dat mug when ’e was t’ our house before, an I puts ’im up fer a sporty boy. See? “Well, he comes out dere t’ look at er boss wot ’is wiskers got fer Miss Fannie t’ try fer a saddle boss; ’cause ’e knows a 'boss, dat Boston mug, when ’e sees one. I fetches de boss outter de stall an was hold in ’im while dey was pipin ’im off. All of er suddint dat Boston mug says t’ ’is wiskers, ’e says. ‘Don’t yuse know any slugging match onfer t’night?’ says ’e. “Wid dat ’is wiskers sent de coachman’s kid erway, an ’e shut de door, an be says t’ me, says ’e, ‘Chames,’ ’e says, ‘Chames, me friend from Boston is er studint er human nature,’ ’e says, like dat. ‘An if yuse are onto a boxin match anywhere t’night,’ ’e says, ‘p’raps yuse could bring us dere wid out Miss Fannie knowin it.' Dat’s wot he says. See? Jollyin me. See? Say, I taut I’d die ’cause 1 couldn’t laugh, butj I says, sober as er judge in de Tombs, I says, ‘De Roseleaf Social, Outin and Life Savin club has er scrap on t’night,’ says I, ‘an I could git yuse in dere fer a plunk each,’ says I. “I knowed de tickets was only 25 cents, but I taut as ’is wiskers was jollyin me I’d jolly ’im. See? “Den de Boston mug ’e says, sober as me, says ’e, ‘Yuse go an fix tings, an we’ll meet ye after dinner,’ says ’e, an ’e coughs up er fiver. Dat’s straight; er clean, green fiver. ’E’s er dead sport, dat mug. “Well, I tole ’em where t’ meet me at 9 o’clock, an I made er sneak down t’ de Bowrey t’ fix tings wid me friend, de bar keep, wot’s de president of de Roseleafs. When I tole de barkeep dat de swell gents wasgoin t’ meet me in ’is place,’e never charged me nottin fer de tickets. “Well, at 9 o’clock dey comes chasin up t’ de door in er back, an, hully gee! who’d ye tink was wid ’em? Mr. Burton, de mug wot’s Miss Fannie’s felly! Sure. Mr. Bur ton, ’e says, when dey chases in de place, says ’e, ‘Good evenin, Mr. Fadden,’ ’e says, as perlite as dat.’ ‘Good evenin, Mr. Fadden.’ See? Dat was because ’e was tryin t’ string de crowd dere an make ’em tink de swells wasn’t no swells, but was friends er mine wot was coachmen or but lers, er mugs like dat. See? Say, dat’s where dey was farmers. De crowd dere was dead on t’ onct. Dere ain’t nobody can string dose Roseleafs. Dey all live on de Bowrey. But me friend, de barkeep, ’e gives de gang one look, an when ’e done dat dey knowed der business. Dey never took no notice er de swells, cause de bar keep ’e runs dat gang. See? “Den me friend, do barkeep, ’e tips us de wink, and we makes er sneak after ’im t’ de back room, where de scrappin'was. “Say, yuse would die ter see de sporty boy from Boston jolly up de game. ’E wasn’t in de back room er minute ’fore ’e knowed all de mugs’ names, an ’e chipped in fer de purse fer de first scrap, an ’e was near runnin de show. ’ls wiskers was kind er cranky, like ’e taut sometin wrong was goin ter happen, an kep’ ’is eye on de door All de time. Well, der was two mixed ale fedderweights sluggin each odder fer de first purse, when ’is wiskers, all of er sud dint, near fell offien de chair, an ’e groans, ‘De perlicel’ “Dat’s wot dey was, sure ’nough, de cops. Dey comes in dqi front door an de back door, an dere was er cop at de window. De gang was near paralyzed. Say, I w&s tjftkiu wot AJiss Fannie, wiquld " “De first ting de sporty boy said was t’ tell me t’ fix de cops, an ’e shoved er wad in ma fist. I knowed de cop wot was bossin da raid, an I knowed dere was no flxin ’im dat way. But I collared de wad, jess for luck, an went over and wispers t’ de cop. ‘Do yuse know Senator Burton?’ I wispers. Sure,’ says ’e. / “ ‘Weil, date ’im.A T says..noddinl t/ MisS Fannie’s felly. “De cop looks over an says, says’e, ’Hully gee!’ ’e says,.‘dat’s straight. Wot’s he doiu here?’ “ ‘ ’E’s wider couple er members,’ I says, ’’vestigatin de slums,’ says I. “Say, I give ’im de cold bluff so straight dat it went. See? “De cop says, ‘Sneak ’em. outer here quick,’ ’e says, an ’e gives de tip V de cop on de door, while I chases out wid de tree swells. De hack was outside, eu dey all jumps ih, an I jumps on de box wid de driver. All de way up t’ de club I heard ’em laughing inside, an when I got down t’ open de door for ’em ’is wiskers was tellin ’em not t’ give ’im erway t’ Miss Fannie. “Den ’is wiskers says t’ me, ‘Chames,’ ’® says, ‘yuse go home an keep yer mout shut,* ’e says. “ ‘Yes sir,’ I says, an hands back de wad t’ de sporty boy. “ ’E looks at it an den at me, an ’e says, ‘Wot’s dis? Didn’t ye use it!’ says ’e. “ ‘No,’ says I. ‘I squared it wid de sen« ator’s pull,’ I says. “When I tells ’em how I done it, dey all gives me er great jolly, and de Boston mnjJ gives me back de wad and says, ‘Chames,! let dis be er lesson t’ yuse,’ ’e says, ‘an nev-f er lead no innocent gents from Boston t’ da Bowrey no more,’ ’e says, an dey all chases in de club. “Say, wot de ye tink dere was in dat wad? Dere was 50 plunks! Dat’s straight—sQ good plunks. “De nex’ day I gives me friend de bar- , keep 25 plunks, cause dat’s wot de judged fined ’im, an I was feelin pretty -good till .jj got home, and den, bully gee! de ducnZU; she jumped on me wid bote feet. “Say, wot de yetink? Dewhole garnet, give t’ Miss Fannie by ’er ijet dude wdß heard it at de club. De dude meets MiJ| Fannie on de street, an goes an tells ’er whole fool yarn, an she pretendin all <K| time dat she didn’t care, so de dude couldnß have no laugh on Mr. Burton an ’is whiß| kers. Ain’t she er turrowbred! “Well, Miss Fannie sent fer me, anß| gives ’er a great song an de gents was only waitin t’ do de slurt® and never meant t’ see no scrappin. W dat de duchess gives me er wink wot msfl| me want t’ laugh hard dat dere y®.- weeps in me eyes, an Miss Fannie tinkijH was cryin quit jawin me, and 1 chases wid de duchess after me. She jumped® me some, more an ’fore she let go I ha®| cough up dat 25 plunks t’ ’er. “Say, I ain’t playin in no luck trouble wid me is I don’t fer me. I had t’ go and chip in sporty boy wanted to see er scrap. “De next time dat Boston mug tackl® me like dat I’ll give’im er scrap’stid dB fetohin ’im t’ one. See?”—New York Sui® ilc Might Then. Fond Mother —Here’s something about ■ baby whose head measures 25 inches in ciiH cumference. Is there any danger of ouH darling being so deformed? Skeptical T •Jher —No, dear, not unless tin? kid could understand and believe all tho things you say to him. —Pittsburg Bulletin. Not Enough Boom. Mrs. Crinoline (a few months hence)— The stolid selfishness of men in street cars is disgusting. Her Husband—What’s happened? < , , I Mrs. Crinoline—l entered a crowded streeH car today, and only two men got up.—Nev® York Week!} j® Her Exclamation. Servant—Step this way, Mr. Whizz. ■ Caller—Mr. What? My name is Jones. ® Servant Your pardon, sir. When ■ handed your egrd to Miss Mollie, she saidß “G. Whizz! Show him in.”—Bingham toj® Leader.