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The Summeruille News
The Official Legal Organ of Chattooga County Georgia
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A N\e—dd/, ) At Summerville GA 30747
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Our Opinion
Women In Combat?
Combat service has been approved for
female pilots in the U. S. military.
This comes after several female soldiers
died in the war with Iraq and at least one
was captured and brutalized by her
captors.
No civilized nation on the face of the
earth has ever shoved its women — even
volunteers — into combat. Not even Israel,
which may be the most threatened nation
in the world.
It is a step backward for the U.S.
military, for womanhood, and for
manhood.
All because radical feminist libbers
Keep Tomahawk Chop
Because of the complaints of a few
bozo, pseudo-Indian Marxists, Ted Turner
wants to do away with the Tomahawk
Chop during the coming baseball season.
If the Braves return to their losing
ways, he won’'t have to worry about the
Chop; it will die a natural death.
But if the Braves roar back toward a
second National League pennant, nothing
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&z l| From OQur Early Files
PAY B S
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50 YEARS AGO
The following are excerpts from the Jan. 8, 1942, edition of The Summer
ville News.
* * *
IN ACCORDANCE with the policy announced previously by the President
and the Secretary of the Navy, the Navy Department today requested
newspapers to refrain from publishing reports and rumors of enemy submarine
sinkings except in cases where they can quote specifically ‘“‘a responsible
authority of the Federal government.”
* * *
A MAN IN Richmond, Va., charged with stealing a single used tire was
given the maximum penalty for petty larceny of 12 months and a SIOO fine
today. ‘‘We are at war,” said Police Court Justice Carlton E. Jewett in impos
ing sentence, ‘‘and I don’t propose to permit people to go around stealing other
ple’s tires. Tires are gold today, and I think it is good for people in the con
g;oes of this city to know how this court feels about the theft of tires.”
% R ae
- A SOLDIER can travel the length and breadth of the country without a
cent of cash under a new plan recently adopted by the Quartermaster Corps.
The plan, through the issuance of meal tickets to small groups or individuals,
insures the soldiers plenty of food while traveling, as each ticket is good for
$1 per meal in dining cars and 75 cents in restaurants.
Thursday, January 9, 1992
have raised so much torment that it is no
longer considered ‘‘politically correct” to
oppose the sheer stupidity and barbarism
of placing women in harms way in combat.
We're against it. It is cruel. It is bar
baric. It is a step backward into the Dark
Ages. It is uncivilized. It will endanger
men as well as women.
We have nothing against women serv
ing in behind-the-lines support or supply
roles as they did in World War 11, Korea
and Vietnam.
But it is morally wrong to place them
in combat, no matter how willing some
may be to assume that role.
that Ted and his - wife, Jane Fon
da, do or say will have much bearing on
what Braves fans do in the stadium.
And the Indian Marxists who want to
spoil everybody's fun are advised to stay
out of the way of Atlanta fans. That is,
unless they want to get some first-hand ex
perience on how a scalping can mess up a
person’s whole day.
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Saga 0f A Writer
SAMUEL LANGHORNE Clemens
was an enigma in his lifetime. And that he
remains to this day. Of course, most of us
know him as Mark Twain, the author of
“Tom Sawyer” and ‘‘Huckleberry Finn.”
Meandering through accounts of his
life recently, I was struck by the ex
periences and amount of travel he had ac
cumulated by the time he was 32. He led
a life rich in the fabric and tapestry of life,
if not in fortune. That would come later.
IT IS NO surprise then that he was
able to become the most popular comedic
lecturer and author of the last part of the
19th century. His luxuriant writing style
didn’t develop overnight. In fact, his ear
ly account of an old mining camp story
about a jumping frog contest borders on
the boring today. At that time, it was
quite popular, indicating how the tastes of
many Americans has changed through the
years.
Twain penned “Tom Sawyer” rather
quickly but he took years of starting and
stopping to finish ‘“‘Huck Finn,” usually
acclaimed as his best work.
On The Funny Side
By Gary Solomon
Popcorn Heaven
ONE OF THE things I enjoyed most
during the holidays is going to the movies.
There are afternoon (read: discount)
matinees every day on which you can save
a couple of dollars, with which you can
then either buy enough popcorn to feed a
baby gnat or else add many other dollars
and buy enough to at least tide you over
until you get home and pop several pounds
of your own at a cost of around 32 cents.
And speaking of cents, let me offer two
of mine on the movie industry. During the
summer, when school is out, people take
vacation, and certain unnamed column
writers could even be tempted to slip away
from the keyboard early to see a 4:30
feature, why are there only four movies
worth seeing in three months time?
N
LAST SUMMER, for example, there
was “Terminator 2"’ (actual number ter
minated: 476), “Robin Hood, Prince of
Thieves” (or “Kevin Hood, Prince of Pan
sies”), “Thelma and Louise” (moral: It’s
okay to rob and kill if you're female), and
“City Slickers” (not only slick, but
hilarious).
Then during the holidays, when most
people have only a few days off to attend
religious services, clean house for com
pany, cook, finish buying gifts, and wrap
and mail packages, we're barraged with
four-star, two thumbs up, best ever, “If
you miss this one you may as well go home
and stick your head in the can opener”
movies.
e TR
CAN ANYONE explain why this hap
pens — other than the fact that members
of “The Academy’’ only remember movies
from the last 30 days of the year when
Viewpoint
By Tommy Toles, Editor
HE WAS A riverboat pilot on the
Mississippi River and it was a relatively
small part of his life. But many of his at
titudes and stories were formed from those
experiences, and from his own childhood
spent along the river. Twain was a
wanderer before he married the love of his
life and settled down in Connecticut.
Twain was a Presbyterian who rather
quickly lost any affinity he may have had
for “organized religion.”” He appeared to
hate the Roman Catholic Church, an at
titude that shows up in several books,
most notably, “A Connecticut Yankee in
King Arthur’s Court.” s
R e y
HIS YOUNG son died, a daughter died
of menningitis, another drowned in a
bathtub during an epileptic seizure. And
His beloved wife, Livy, died of a heart at
tack. He became bitter near the end of his
life and wrote dark diatribes against God
and religion.
And he went out as he came into this
world — just as he had predicted. He was
born when Halleys Comet passed close to
the earth in 1835, and he died when it
returned in 1910.
they vote?
But back to popcorn. I love the stuff.
I would mainline it if the husks didn’t clog
my arteries. Often I enjoy a movie with my
popcorn. Last week I decided to see *“‘Star
Trek VI: The Final Episode Until the Next
One” at a local theater.
This particular theater is owned by the
Cobb Theaters chain. Usually, the largest
bucket of popcorn there sells for around
$3, but this day a sign in the lobby herald
ed a new mammoth size for only 50 cents
more. Excitement, excitement!
Only one problem. The new mammoth
size had a name: “The Cobbster.” I cring
ed. The Cobbst;er? I-‘l‘ow eimbarrassing.
WHILE WAITING in line, I practic
ed saying it without feeling like a total
dork. “Give me The Cobbster.” “The
Cobbster, please sir.” *“A gobster of Cobb
ster.”
Nothing worked. I couldn’t say it and
maintain any sense of dignity. But I
coveted that jumbo bucket of joy.
As I reached the counter, I decided to
skirt the issue.
“Can I help you?"’ asked the young
attendant.
“I'll take the extra-large popcorn and
a Diet Coke.”
“We don’t have extra-large, sir,” he
replied. “Just small, medium, and large.”
g ‘&« 8
“THAT ONE right there,” I said, poin
ting at a large banner carrying the C-word.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t noticed a second
special also being advertised: buy a large
popcorn and drink, get a second drink free.
“Do you want the popcorn and two
360 ON THE FUNNY SIDE, page 6-A
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. “g\‘
| P Julie’s
e~ Notes
S 8 By Julie Griffis
I Can Take A Hint
I’'M BACK FROM my Christmas vacation and “final
ly” got all my Christmas presents unpacked and “‘some”’
of them even put away.
Cne gift in particular intrigued me. It was from my
cousin Sharron, who over the years has really been more
like a big sister than a cousin. Well, Sharron owns about
a zillion beauty salons, beauty shops, primp and g_o’s,
whatever you want to call them, and she obviously thinks
I have awful skin.
* * *
SO, THE DEAR sweet angel she is, gave me this skin
care stuff for Christmas. Okay, I can take a hint. I assume
she’s trying to tell me something. .
It came with two pages of directions — a daily regimen
and a twice-weekly regimen. They're not really directions.
They just tell you what's in each container. It doesn’t
necessarily tell you what to do with it, or in what order
you're supposed to do it. Two Pa*iges?
* *
THERE'S THE Elastin Milk-Almond-Oatmeal
Cleanser, the Elastin Wrinkle Creme (I can take a hint),
the Elastin Body Firmer, (another hint), the Elastin Em
bryo Mask, the Gentle Cleanser, the Oil-Control Gel, the
Hydro-tonique, the Twice-Weekly Scrub, the Instant Skin
Moisturizer, a second masque, another cream, a Collagen
Creme, a Hydro-Defense Creme, the Hydro-Complex
Fluide (French?), the Oil-Control Creme and the Sport Lo
tion (I guess that's for good sports). |
The Elastin Body Firmer, according to the bottle, is
supposed to help “tighten sagging skin on chest, breasts,
underarms, across abdomen, buttocks, and inner and outer
thighs.” I can take a hint.
* * *
NOW THE ELASTIN Embryo Mask did pique my in
terest. Remember, I'm supposed to put this stuff on my
face. The embryo part bothered me severely, and just
before I called the Right To Life people, I read the jar. Ac
tually, it's “‘a powerful regenerator to firm and tighten skin
tissue.” It “‘helps in reducing facial lines.” This is where
the embryo part comes in. “Embryo serum is derived from
chicken eggs, extracted the ninth” (not the eighth or the
10th) ““day of their evolution.” What’s the big deal about
the ninth day of evolution? They killed these poor little
baby chicks so I could put them on my face. And why not
just crack an egg over your face? I bet it would be less
expensive. And if I use this stuff, will I wake up one mor
ning with feathers?
There’s the instant Skin Moisturizer. The bottle says,
“Replaces lost moisture on contact. Use 24 hours a day.”
If I use it 24 hours a day, when am I going to have time
to put the other stuff on?
* * *
ANOTHER questionable jar contains the Hydro-
Complex Fluide. It’s a mineral-enriched serum with
“thymus spleen and hyaluronic acid,” that supposedly
maximizes the benefits of the other skin-care products. I
guess if you don’t use that one, the others don’t work as
well. But that spleen thing kind of makes my skin crawl.
Am I putting someone or something’s spleen on my face?
Where did it come from? Or is it just called a spleen but
not really a spleen? Like when you say “holy cow” and
it has nothing to do with a cow.
As I said earlier, I can take a hint. It probably wouldn’t
hurt to use this stuff, especially after all the years I've
spent lying on the beach or around the swimming pool,
without sunblock, and the several times I just crawled in
to bed without taking off my makeup. Sometimes it’s the
last thing on your mind.
* * *
AND, I GUESS it's better than getting one of those
tummy shapers or thigh trimmers for Christmas. Talk
about a hint.
Check me out in a few weeks and let me know if I look
any different. If I have zits or hives, please look the other
way and don’t say anything.
°
News Clips—-
MAY BE
Women like a strong, silent man because they think
he’s listening. — Coast Guard Magazine
WY
HAS A POINT
Some men have a reputation for truthfulness because
they can’t think fast enough. — Audubon (la.) Guide