Newspaper Page Text
VOL. V.-NO. 44.
better days.
Better to smell the violet cool, than sip the
Bette/KrlT 'a’hidden brook, than watch a
diamond shine.
Better the love of a gentle heart, than beauty’s
Rtte r f ?he° r Slving seed, than roses in a
crowd.
Better to live in loneliness, than to bask in love
BetteHhl’fountain in the heart, than the
fountain by the way.
Better be fed by mother’s hand, than cat alone
BetterVtrnst in good than say: “My goods
my storehouse fill ’
B, t ter to be a little wise, than in knowledge to
Better to teach a child, than toil to fill perfec
tion's round.
Better to sit at a master's feet, than thrill a
listening state;
Better to suspect that thou art proud, than be
sure that thou art great.
Better to walk the real unseen, than watch the
hour’s event: , .
Better the “Well done !’’at the last, than the
air with shouting rent.
Better to have a quiet grief, than a hurrying
delight;
Better the twilight of the dawn, than the noon
day burning bright. •
Better a death when work is done, than earth’s
m t f.!'.' <• d birth; .
Better ■ Id in <tod’s great house, than the
1 .. o vi all the earth. ,
Geohoe MacDonald.
THE WAY HE PROPOSED.
Major Glinton was one of the mos‘
courageous fellows in the world, accord
ing to the men who knew him; but
when the ladies of hia acquaintance
heard this opinion, they laughed it »t*
scorn, for they considered him the mos
timid creature they had ever seen. II
was very fond of ladies’ society, the.
said, or he would not spend all his even
ings at parties or making calls; yet no
one lady, old or young, single or mai
ried, had ever known him to express hit
regard in any way that was not extreme
ly decorous and formal. Flirt? They
would as soon think of a tombstone or a
telegraph polo attempting to flirt. Most
of the Major’s maj£_ acquaintances car
ried scars on 'their hearts, as results
either of attacks more honorable that
judicious, or of sudden surprises by fail
skirmishers,, but no one could imagine
have suffered any such mis-
Jrffip. for be not only made no reconnois
sauce, but he always retired precipitately
within himself at the first flash of a pair
of eyes leveled directly at him.
The truth was that the brave Major
was not only as modest as a model
maiden, but he was painfully bashful
beside. The one desire of his life was t< ■
marry, which he was financially able to
do, but the important preliminary step
of proposing was one he had never dared
to take. Until he reached adult years
he had met scarcely any women but his
two orphaned sisters, to whom he had
hied to be a father, and upon whose
Lire purity and sweetness he had based
his ideas of womanhood. Both married
and went far from their old home, so
hey could not help Idm to gain a wife
bv disabusing him of his impression that
al women were too good for him. To
' inton nearly every woman appeared a
saint. He worshiped one after another,
■dthough only one at a time, and his
tastes were so correct that he was obliged
to change Ins divinity about once in
m three months, to avoid worshiping
mother num s wife. Whenever an old
ar healed and a delicious throbbing of
e heart told of a new dart that had
fouid its way to his heart, he vowed
t f?” 'V ? P r °P° se once, and vary
dreadful monotony of having another
an step in before him. And each time
bee-i n # USt a or a WGf> k> or
tS wtni he f< T d to ° mnch ’ or llo P ed
little I 1 T’ aQd eVery time lle waited a
httle too long-every time but one.
son heV’ 11 1* 1 ® Major met Alice Waller
bc n < !i tha \ -° her ’ too > "ouhl
She u n *V? h* B could endure,
the M‘aio? ret s’ “ aU wonien seemed to
wee? good and Bhewa «
a oi J MajOf Was BUre > ® lse why were
Sst of nl7 O ? en nnus ™Hy fond of her?
and bash tai S ?? med the most raodest
of act nt i maid< ? in his whole ®ircle
iK n i ‘i’; Xnd tl,rough theße qnal
wi J ‘ ~ eab ® tooffer him sympathy
regarded w i? 8 tha - all othei People
Bn111. 1 P^ ov °krug smiles.
liow should he propose ? Being a
nitirp lll1 ’ be ?" J’asWul nature must be far
he wJT ITe than his own, so, even if
how conii°n eere 7 e to the ordeal,
inflict S 116I 16 eDOUgh of a brute to
he loledtaJ? V p,datlon ?P° n her . if
disno-u. i * eT ’ Even w’ere she favorably
listening l° Wnrd him, he was sure that
heart in ± a P ro P° B al would put her
more <lr. a i/ < i mb^e trimult; how much
to listei T d ( u . wp rild it be. then, for her
ably dk, ° should she not be favor
lookedTr* 1 , He knew that she always
had ev.\ . llni Pleasantly; he felt that she
1 >een grateful to him one even
thron'Ji" ’t- at a Part-Y and both
Indi lb i tlmidlty ’ retired to the same
ciieli i, " coruer of a drawing-room,
other ,11 n * °f the approach of the
s how'th,, f h“’ h ff a ? lxioU8 ’ ° n me ®ting, to
This « Y. affair was a mere accident,
hon,. ,'1 _ be onl X basis of Glinton'h
e,l so n 1 hail been disappoint-
to thi-ii " ' ’” nPß that he could not bear
A* k,a failure now.
tion '' sev eral calls, with the inten
c<>urr •'"’l’l’aing, but every time his
s<, n m \i; a - d ■“ lu ’ Mrs. Walk r
the Dirk r t,Blß ter Nell, were always in
before t n ’ t courße he could not say
" "hat he dreaded to say even
3IIC Ctvgu
with a single hearer. Worse still, Miss
Nell, who was a brilliant brunette of the
irrepressible species, could not avoid
teasing him slyly at every possible op- |
portunity, and he always lost his tongue
under her onslaughts.
Then he tried to propose in writing,
md for a week of evenings he wrote
tteadily with no more satisfactory result
rhan a note to Mrs. Wallerson, in which
he intended to inclose his proposal.
Chance finally came in pity to his aid.
Miss Nell, as one of a trio of girls who
md devised a surprise party for a recent
y married friend, wrote to the Major
.bout the project and begged that he
would call and give her some assistance
mong their mutual acquaintances
mong gentlemen. As the Major read j
i r note a brilliant thought occurred to '
dm. While talking business Miss Nell '
ertainly would not endeavor to tease i
iim; his bashfulness never troubled him '
vbilo talking with ladies on any subject '
• quiring common sense, opinion and '
xccutive ability; he should therefore be
Lie to feel at ease with Miss Nell, and
vhile in that unusual condition he would
uake a confidant of her and ask her ad
ic? and assistance. He would try to
alk to her as if she were a man; it might
-e a rash experiment, but he felt equal
> almost any degree of rashness when
le thought of how many times before he
md resolv'd and failed.
So the Maj<ir went to the Wallerson
lome on the evening appointed 'by mis- j
■hicvQUß Miss Nell, with a stouter heart
han he had felt, outside of business '
ours, since the war ended. He arranged
vith the young lady to bring all his male
rinds into the surprise party, and she,
rather confused by her new view of the
Major’s character, was most effusive in
hanks, and being only twenty-three
rears of age and no older than her years
■signified, was completely astounded by
.he Major’s coolness. She could not
help betraying her curiosity; she looked
it the Major inquiringly, she dropped
into reveries, and she said to her mother,
.vho came to the door of the parlor a mo
ment about some affair stictly of a family
nature, that Mr. Glinton was entirely
different to what she had imagined him
to be.
But the Major did not know all this,
and after the business of the evening
ended he began to feel the oM familiar
cold sweat that had been his torment in
the swamps of the Chicahominey, fif
teen years before. Conversation had
dropped to the dead level of the National
Academy, the last new novel, and
Brown’s last volume of poems, all of
which were very bad. Miss Nell looked
interested, pretty and sentimental until
the Major half wished she would be her
natural self, for he had at last roused
himself to the combative state, and he
wanted to talk 'with her in the most
serious manner about her sister. At last
he made a desperate effort and said:
“Miss Wallerson, 1 called this evening
only on business, but I have for a long
time wanted to say something to you
about a matter”—
“Excuse me, just for an instant. Ma
jor,” interrupted Miss Nell, “the gas is
hissing dreadfully. Won’t you be good
enough to see which burner it is; I’m
just too short to reach any of them, I’m
sorry to say.”
The Major hastened to the rescue.
He heard a hissing noise, as of the escape
of too much gas, he could not be <md||
which of the six burners was at fault,
* Slh
he turned down one after anotlu r
the noise stopped and the parl.ir
almost dark.
“You are very kind,"-mmmured
Nell, a tslie Major resumed his s.-at
her, “the blowing of gas is
annoying to the ear. By the way,
were saying that”—
'The Major resisted a
say, “Oh, nothing of any eoijse.piemMH
and said:
“I have been long the most rt'veißp
adorer of a certain young lady who”—
“Oh, Major!” exclaimed Miss Nell;
“the idea of you being in love. Did
you”—
“Excuse me, Miss Wallerson,” said
the Major hastily, “but no one is compe
tent to pass an opinion on my condition
of mind but myself. I fully know my
own feelings, and merely wish an oppor
tunity to explain them in such manner as
may be most respectful.”
“I l>eg your pardon, Major,” said Miss
Nell, now entirely on her guard. ‘‘Please
continue, and believe no one here can
doubt your sincerity.”
The Major’s heart gave a mighty
bound; evidently this mischievous girl
suspected something and was willing to
suppress herself.
“I have long been worshiping a lady
whom I would have been glad to make
my wife,” continued the Major, “if I
had not feared that my love and what
else I had to offer her would not st em
compensation for what she ■would be
obliged to give up.”
“Your thoughtfulness does you honor,
Major,” said Miss Nell, in the kindest
way in the world.
“Thank you—thank you,” said the
Major, hastily. “Perhaps, then, yon
will understand why I speak with more
than my customary freedom. Miss Wal
lerson, I was trained in my youthful
days to such unquestioning reverence
for woman as woman that I feel almost
like a thief when I think of asking any
woman for her hand and heart.”
“Again, Major, I must say that your
thoughtfulness and delicacy do you
honor,” said Miss Nell, as demurely as
if she had never teased any one in her
life.
DALTON, GEORGIA, SATURDAY, JUNE 23, 1883.
“Thank yon—thank you,” said the
Major again. “I would' like first to ex
' plain myself, if I may trouble you for a
' moment. 1 am, 1 believe, an honorable
' man; I have a good business and a good
bank account. I want to devote both,
and my life, beside, to the service of the
sweetest woman that ever lived. I can
not expect her to love me as I love her,
for she is an angel and I am only—well,
only a man.”
“A true man,” said 'Miss Nell, still r.s
demure as a parson, “is as good as any
thing else in the world—even as good as
a true woman.”
“Do you really think so?” asked the
Major. “I must believe you against my
will, but entirely according to my incli
nation. Well, the womiui whom I love
you know very well; no one can know
i her better; she is pure, good, sweet,
I noble, tender”—
I “Majoi ? ! Major!” exclaimed Miss
Nell
I “Please don’t contradict me on this
1 particular point,” said the Major; “I
' really think I know—l am sure I do.”
“Then,” said Miss Nell, “it would be
very impolite in me to contradict, but
really”—
“Really,” said the Major, “I am
Weighing my words most carefully and
mean all I say. I want to offer her all I
am and have, under any conditions she
may impose. Don’t imagine me impul
sive or rash in this matter,” continued
the Major, extending both his hands in
his earnestness. “I mean”—
What the Major meant was never
explained, for Miss Nell, entirely in
accordance wi‘tYr“her~own idea of what
1 the excited man was trying to say, mur
mured, “Enough !” fell upon the Major’s
breast and threw her arms around the
Major’s neck.
What could the astonished man do ?
What would any gentleman do in such
circumstances ? Miss Alice tripped into
the parlor, found it dark, turned up the
gas, saw the couple and exclaimed:
“Oh, my !”
Her sister looked up into the Major's
face for a second, then dropped her brow
on his shoulder, and said:
“Oh, my !”
And the Major, looking down at the
face before him, now entirely empty of
roguishness and everything else but ten
derness, forgot all the past, placed his
arms>about the graceful figure that rest
ed on him, and said:
“Oh, my I”
And although he has been married ten
years he never has had reason to regret
his mistake.— New York J [our.
A CAIRO OSTRICH FARM.
Visit to the Breeding Enclosures Which
(Stand Beside the Virgin’s Tree.
In company with a crowd of dukes
and right honorables, who have lately
been visiting the scenes of Lord Wol
seley’s “latest and most glorious achieve
ments,” a New York Herald correspond
ent says: I •went to see the Cairo ostrich
farm. Everything in Egypt has an
archaeological setting. The village of
Tel-el-Kebir—the Big Mound—is noth
ing less than the relics of the city called
Pi-tom in the Old Testament that was
built by the Jews with bricks without
itraw.
The Cairo ostrich farm is situated
vithin a pistol shot of the famous N ir
gin’s tree, which is still standing, and
under the shade of which tradition tells
us that the Virgin with the infant Jesus
reposed when they fled into
I H H \I H *
HL-. ,i
■
the farm is desert, not because it is in
capable of cultivation, but because the
loose, pebbly sand is essential to the
well-being of the ostrich. There are at
present on the farm 120 birds of more
than a year’s growth, and of these fifteen
are female and twelve are male adults—
that is to say, they are more than three
years old. the age at which they com
mence to lay.
Twelve of the adults arc now laying
and three are engaged in hatching—one
being upon twenty-two, one upon four
teen, and one upon eleven eggs.
Strange to say, the male bird attends
more to the hatching part of the busi
ness than the female, especially in cold
or rainy weather, and in fact often under
takes the whole of that tedious duty
himself, being only relieved by his better
half at meal hours.
Mr. Wetter, the ostrich director, has
been very fortunate in his efforts to
domesticate the ostrich in Egypt. Out
of 108 birds hatched last season eighty
yearlings are now alive and healthy—a
very successful result when it is borne in
mind that during the late Arabi un
pleasantness the ostriches were much
neglected. After visiting the breeding
enclosures and those where the ypariings
were parked we were conducted to the
incubating house and to a wire cage
where this season’s birds were scami>er
ing about full of health and vigor. By
applying one of the eggs to a hole cut in
a piece of blackened cardboard and plac
ing it against the sun the ostrich farmer
: Imwi'd us a young bird which had been
meubated by artificial means ami hail
leached maturity, actually pecking at
the interior of the shell and struggling to
break out of prison.
TWO WAYS IN LIFE.
A Kommice oi tin- I.nte Governor sff'pheua’a
Else.
Tn one of the early years of the forties
Mr. Stephens, then a young man, paid
a visit to the home of Mr. Warden, in
Wairen County. There he met a flax
en-haired, blue-eyed girl of sixteen,
beautiful in face and lovely in character;
piquant, witty and gifted with a mind
rarely cultivated. An attachment grew
up, which for years did not pass the
formal bounds of friendship, but which
was sacredly .cherished by both. The
boy lover was poor in this world’s goods
—fragile in frame and harassed by sick
ness, he did not dare, to aspire to the
hand of one whom he had learned to
Jove, and yet forbore to claim. With
womanly devotion the girl read the se
cret in the yoimg man’s eyes, and true
to her heart, she could only wait and
love. One evening in 1849 a party was
given at the residence of Mr. Little, in
Crawfordsville. There the two met once
more—there they enjoyed that sweet
communion born of perfect trust—and
there Mr. Stephens found courage to
speak the words which for year- had
fought for expression, until at hist he
could no longer contain them.
“Areyou sure that there lives none
other whom you prefer to me ?” asked
the maiden timidly, hnlf-shrinkingly, yet
only too happy to feel that she was fa
vored in his eyes.
“In the whole universe there exists
not another,” said ho passiopa*'' 1 "
Thus their troth wa ß lie
day was seT for their malflK all
seemed auspicious for the lov But
clouds lowered o’er their hopes, oters
of a private natiu'e which it is not within
the domain of the public to know inter
vened and deferred the fruition of their
hopes. The one became immersed in
politics, and, racked with physical ills,
hesitated to enter a state where he feared
the happiness of the other might be
marred. The lady found her duty by
the side of an invalid mother, who long
lingered with a confining disease. Thus
the years flew by, but the plighted troth
was kept. Mr. Stephens never addressed
another, and ever kept the image of the
fair young girl in his heart. The lady
was the recipient of admiration from
many, but to all she turned a deaf ear.
They have often met since, and while
tha idea of marriage 'was abandoned,
they felt a sweet pleasure in each other’s
society. But a few weeks ago the lady
was at the mansion, and on taking leave
of her old friend, one of the chairs
tipped up, an unfavorable sign, as the
Governor remarked at the time. The
lady has for years been a resident of At
lanta,'and no one is held in more esteem
for every quality which adorns woman
hood than Miss Caroline Wilkinson.—■
Louisville Journal.
Making Him Useful.
A learned physician once declared
that the manifestations of disease were
so varied that he should not be surprised
at any symptom, however peculiar. If
that learned man is still alive, he ought
to start at once for Charlotte, N. C., to
assist in the diagnosis of a malady which
for over a month has afflicted a boy
named A.. M. Wilhelm, aged eighteen.
If an ordinary bath tub is filled with
ice-cold water and that wretched youth's
feet are placed in it, the water grows
hot so rapidly that within six minutes it
is at the boiling point. Wilhelm suffers
intense pain, and his tubs have to be
continually changed ; which is no light
task, considering that his feet raise the
temperature of the ivater at the rate of
30 degrees a minute. And yet, in the
Divine economy, even such a sad fate
as Wilhelm's has its compensations. It
is manifest that he would be invaluable
in a Russian bath establishment, for if
he can make a tub of ice water boil in
six minutes, he could convert the con
tents of a reservoir into steam within an
hour. Or he might be employed to sit
upon the tender of a locomotive with his
feet in the tank, at small expense to the
company and most agree ably to himself.
Moreover, he would find poetic justice
in the latter occupation, for his malady
is supposed to be due to a violent shak
ing administered to him by a steam en
gine, into which a full head of steam
was accidental!} turned while he was
cleaning it.
Slatistics of Metropolitnn Life.
Over one-half of the ],!>00,0(X) people
living in New York have their homes .in
tenement houses. If to this number are
added those who live in flats—which are
tenement houses of a comfortable sort—
and in the stylish apartment buildings,
and those wiio reside in the hotels, and
if a third reduction is made for those
who share a house with one or two fami
lies, the number of families who have an
entire house to themselves will be found
to.be very small indeed —not one in ten.
Some of'the statistics of Metropolitan
life are very curious. For instance, we
pay 87,000,01)0 for our amusements, and
it is supposed that our 10,000 whisky and
beer saloons gather in three times as
much money at the least, while the item
of education costs us $4,000,000. The
average of wages paid in out manufac
tories is sl2l a year—or $1.3 a day—
and if it were not above the average
paid elsewhere it would be impossible to
pay our high rents. There is a wide field
for missionary operations here, for out
of 270,496 children between the ages of
five and eighteen only 115,826 attended
Sunday school last year. Indeed, not
withstanding the efforts of public and
private churches and the work of chan->
table societies (and the amount paid out
in charity foots up over $4,000,000), a|
ragged and reckless army of JO.taX) chil-l
,Iren ran about the streets without cure
or instruction.
ORANGE COUNTY MILK.
How II Wns l-’irsl Sent in the New York
Market.
In a recent conversation with a re
porter, Thomas J. Taylor, an old milk
producer, of Florida, N. Y’., gave a short
history of the growth and method of the
milk traffic in Orange County. Ho
j said :
j “ The first milk shipped from Orange
i County to New York was in April, 1842,
, and was produced on the farm then
( owned by Philo Gregory. William L.
, Langridge worked Mr. Gregory’s farm,
and sold to Mr. Gregory tlie milk nt two
cents a quart, delivered on the ears at
Chester. It went to New York by the
passenger train in the morning, to Pier
mont, and thence by boat. The first
shipments were made in churns, which
with their contents were weighed, and
twenty cents a hundred was charged for
freight an l two shillings six pence for
cartage from the boat to the milk depot
at No. 80 Thompson street, New York.
Mr. Gregory employed a man to sell his
milk, paying him $lO a month and
board, and sold his milk at four cents
per quart. Mr. Langridgo in one year
and a half made an assignment, while
Mr. Gregory, at two cents a quart, paid
his freight, cartage, rent (which was
SSO per year for a basement room) and
help, and established a business which
has since grown to enormous propor
tions. It was soon found that two cents
a quart was a losing business, and for
many years it w:issold by the farmers at
two cents a quart for four months, three
ceAs’l.'Jji’.Wt four mqtjMj.s.anfl
a quart four months. These were the
established prices until 1801, during
which time butter sold in the early
spring and fall of the year from one
shilling and sixpence to two shillings a
pound, and dairies so” season at 16 to 20
cents. When the war broke out prices
ran wild, farmers receiving as high as
four cents in summer, six cents in
spring and fall, and eight cents in win
ter. Butter was worth from 50 cents to
75 cents at the farmer’s door. After the
war, and up to 1871, farmers sold their
milk to the dealers at the market price ;
the dealers made the price at its honest
value, and the farmers were satisfied.
In November, 1871. milk had been sell
ing during the whole month at six cents
and freight on the platform at Jersey
City. N. D. Woodhull called a meet
ing'of the milk-dealers together in Hes
ter street, New York, on the 30th of
November, and proposed the plan of
making the price five cents, saying that
no one farmer could or would contest the
price. He carried his point, and ever
since the price has been made by the
same combination, led by Mr. Woodhull
until he died.”
An Essay on Roller Skates.
The roller .skate, says Bill Nye, is a
wayward- little quadruped. It is as
frolicsome and more innocent looking
than a lamb, but for interfering with
one’s upright attitude in the community
it is perhaps the best machine that has
appeared in Salt Lake City.
One’s first feeling on standing up on a
pair of roller skates is an uncontrollable
tendency to come from together. Ono
foot may start out toward Idaho while
the other as promptly strikes out for
Arizona. The legs do not stand by each
other as legs related by blood should do,
but each shows a disposition to set up in
business alone, and leave you to take
care of yourself os best you may. The
awkwardness of this arrangement is ap
parent. While they are setting up in
dependently, there is nothing for you to
do but to sit down and await future
developments. And you have to sit
down, too, without having made any
previous preparation for it, and without
having devoted as much thought to it as
you might have done had you been con
sulted in the matter.
One of the most noticeable things as
a skating rink is the strong attraction
between the human body and the floor
of the rink. If the human body’ had
beeff coming through space for days and
days, at the rate of a million miles a
second, without stopping at eating
stations, and not excepting Sundays,
when it strikes the floor, we could un
derstand why it struck the floor with so
much violence. As it is, however, the
thing is inexplicable.
There are different kinds of falls in
vogue at the rink. There are the rear
falls, and front falls, the Cardinal Wolsey
fall, the fall one across the other, three
in a pile, and so on. There are some of
the falls that I would like to be excused
from describing. The rear fall is the
favorite. It is more frequently utilized
than any other. There are two positions
in skating, the perpendicular and the
horizontal. Advanced skaters prefer the
perpendicular, while others affect the
horizontal.
Skates are no respecters of persons.
They will lay out a minister of the
Gospel or the Mayor of the city as
readily as they will a short-coated, one
suspender boy, or a giddy girl.
When one of a man’s feet starts for
Nevada and the other for Colorado, that
does not separate him from the floor or
break up his fun. Other portions of his
body will take the place his feet have !
just vacated, with a promptness that is,
surprising. And he will find that the
fun has just begun -for the people look
ing on. ... •
The equipments for the nnk are a pair
of skates, a cushion, and a liottle of
liniment.
.. u - ■ - —‘
Arm tn A Line. —ln the town of < ame- (
ron, Steuben County, there reside fi n
farmers whose farms join each ottii'i. .
They have ten babies and tin re is only
three weeks’ difference m their ages.
sx.
TERMS: SI.OO A YEAR..
WIT AND WISDOM.
There is one thing about Munchausen,
says a Philadelphia paper, to his credit.
The Baron never tried to be a weather
prophet.
An Arkansas editor says that the stingi
est man in his town talks through his
j nose to save the wear and tear on his
false teeth.
The heading “Another Safe Robbery
on the South Side,” leads the Oil City
JW/zzard to remark that most robberies
are safe nowadays.
The question is asked us if there is
anything that will bringyouth to women ?
Yes, indeed. An income of say $20,000
will bring any number of them.
An Alabama judge has decided that a
man who puts his satchel on a seat in the
ears reserves that scat—Unless the man
who moves it is bigger than he is.
Correspondents of a daily pajier are
discussing the question, “Can a man
marry on $lO a week.” He cannot if the
girl is aware of the amount of his in
come.
A sardonic officer: “ Don’t pull mo
around so,” said the thief to the police
man, “ I have a felon upon my finger!”
“And I have my finger upon a felon,”
remarked the policeman.
A New Haven lady having noticed a
gentleman acquaintance standing in «
i fixed position in a book and paper store
■ recently, entered the store and asked
him if ho was stationery.
Telegraph wires arc so numerous on
some of tho streets of New York that
people living on a fourth floor flat can
I sift til.'.'; by merely throwing
| them against the net w?rk.
We have just received a sample copy
of a new’ song, entitled, “Put your arms
around me, dear. ” Any lady who desires
to try it can do so by calling at our office
—we mean the song, of course.
A good deal of comment has been
caused because a Georgia man broke his
back with a sneeze; but how much
more wonderful it would have been had
he broken his knees with his back !
“Why do you carry your pocketbook
in your hand?” asked a Philadelphia
husband of his young wife. “Oh.” was
the quiet reply, “ it is so light that lam
afraid it might jump out of my pocket”
The recent Congress passed a law to
prevent the importation of adulterated
teas. They should have put on a “rider”
to prevent the giving away of an unadul
terated chromo with a pound of tea.—
Norristown Herald.
St. Louis girls who go to the cooking
schools won’t permit their names to be
known. They are afraid that when their
lovers find it out they will want to marry
right off, and then they can’t have any
more fun.— Philadelphia News.
People who live remote from the sea
shore can make a good artificial clam by
rolling a piece of soap in sand and ashes
ami eating it when it is about half cool.
This is rather better than the real clam,
but it will give the inlanders an approxi
mate idea of the luxury.— Providence
Press.
Fifteen genuine Sioux Indians who
are seeing Gotham amuse the people at.
a hotel by eating with their hands and
dressing outlandishly. As they wear
silk hats they think they are civilized.
This is a very common mistake among
other people besides Indians. — Lowell
Citizen. •
“ If your boarding house should take
fire at night what would you do to get
the people out?” asked the fire marshal 1
of an experienced matron. “ Oh, there
would be no trouble about that, was
the reply ; “ I would just ring the break
fast bell', and all the boarders would-be
in the dining room in three minutes.”
“Who are those two men?” asked
Deacon Gilpin of ’Squire McGill the
other evening. “Oh, those are the men
who come to work in Jorahini’s place.
He has moved to Binghampton.” “To
work in Joralum’s place; why he was
the laziest man in Marathon !” “I know
it, and that’s the reason there’s two < f
them. It takes both of them to be ns
lazy as he was.”— Marathon Independ
ent.
A New Method of “Treating.”
A party of three or four gentlemen
who were in a hotel a few days befor t
election were invited to “take some
thing” by one of their number, says the
Middletown Press. Alter they had
taken it, and had chatted a few minutes,
another of the party solemnly suggested
that it would be well to “take som' 1 -
thing.” They accepted the invitation,
and took something again. They then
started out and in a few minutes, as
they were passing a dry gqjxls store
another of the party stopped them, ami
said: .. . ,
“Let’s go in and ‘take something.
“Why, that’s a dry goods store, said
one of the party. . „
“Well, what of it? Come in.
Tn they marched, and ranging them
selves before the counter, the gentleman
who had invited them propounded the
question:
“What will you take ?
One of the party took a box of collars,
I-mother took a clean shirt. When the
bill haxl been settled and they had
w dked out, they looked at each other
sdieepishlv, and began to see for the
first time the foolishness of the treat
ing” business. If men must treat, why
not do it in a dry goods store ?
Baked Beans.—" Let your beans sim
mer in warm water slowly, with molasses
and mustard; then put in the pork and
bake -t long time. A small green onion
adds a <1 licious flavor.’ This 1*
latest recipe for Boston “baked beans.