Newspaper Page Text
Mnu - Goutj Smrur.
J. E. MERCER, - Proprietor.
LEARY. - : GEORGIA..
GENERAL NEWS.
Sixty bushels of peach stones were
received at Hawthorne, Fla., last week,
which will be planted out for a nursery.
The oldest man in Pike county, Ala.,
is said to be Thomas Grimes, of Spring
Hill. He is 100 years old.
During the year no less than 18,086
homesteads have been entered in Florida.
A NEW hotel, costing $500,000, is to be
built in New Orleans before tho Exposi¬
tion opens.
It is estimated, so says the Palatka
Herald, that five hundred thousand alli¬
gators wore killed in Florida last year.
By the census of 1880 there were iu
Alabama 1,335 physicians and surgeons,
798 lawyers, 1,214 clergymen, and 74
journalists.
A deposit of marl has been discover¬
ed on the Conecuh river, in Alabama,
which promises to bo valuable for com¬
pounding with other elements ns a ferti¬
lizer.
Two cypress troes have recently been
«ut in Sumpter county, Fla. From one
33,000 shingles were made, and from the
other 37,000 shingles and 6,100 clap¬
boards wore made.
Wolves are so plentiful in the Black
Mountains of North Carolina that they
are poisoned with strychnine, and their
depredations render farming and sheep-
raising very uncertain.
A Gum tree in Florida was fired the
©tlier day, and the occupants summarily
evicted were a swarm of bats, followed
by fiying-sqnjiTols, scroech-owls, various
other night birds, two coons and one
’opossum.
It is probable that a telegraph line will
be built from tho cable of the Western
Union Company through the Everglades
to Jupiter Inlet, on the eastern coast of
Florida. A survey of the country is to
be made as early as possible.
Pbnraoola Commercial: The moss
crop of this Stato is worth more than the
cotton, and can be put on tho market
with very little exponee. The demand
exceeds the supply, and there is not a
county in the State in which tho product
is not now going to [waste.
The dogs at tho Louisville bench show
were valued at $250,000. Fortunately
for the dog raising industry, they are
exempted from taxation. The same
value in sheep would be annually taxed
about $2,500. Verily, the dogs are hav-
ing their day.
Leeds is spoken of as the next mining
and manufacturing town iu Alabama. Its
situation is excellent, being iu the bosom
of the great mineral sources, with plenty
of water power around, and a fine itrac-
ing climate. Several wideawake _ men _
are already at work developing the place.
Mississippi has $7,000,000 invested in
manufacturing industries, a gain of 100
per cent, iu five years, and Alabama has
$5,000,000 in the iron production. Tho
last South Carolina legislature chartered
nine new cotton factories with an ffXee
gate capital of $1,725,000, and
years 275,139 spindles have been added
to the manufacturing capacitv of tho
Carolinas, Alabama and Georgia
A Machine for picking cotton has,
the Charleston News says, been satisfac-
torily tested in Sumpture, South Carolina-
Its capacity is two hundred pounds pei
hour. The cost of picking the late crop
by hand was $50,000,000, or nt the rate
of $7 per bale. The cost of picking by
machine will be $1 per bale. It is esti¬
mated that r third of the crop has been
left in tho field in seasons past because of
lack of hands. Tho machine will remedy
this.
Montgomery Advertiser and Mai!:
The number of persons who emigrated
to Texas and other portions of the West
and are returning home is astonishing,
On one of the north-bound trains of (lie
M. and M. road a few nights ago, eighty
of the passengers, and on another suc¬
ceeding, sixty were returning from Texas
to their former homes in Alabama and
adjoining States. Most of them were
former citizens of this State.
The original seal of the Confederate
States, which is of massive silver, is still
in the hands of an ex-Confederate sol¬
dier, who treasures it carefully. It con¬
sists of a device representing an eques¬
trian portrait of Washington (after the
statue which surmounts his monument
in the Capital Square at Richmond), sur¬
rounded with a wreath composed of the
principal agricultural products of the
Confederacy (cotton, tobacco, sugar¬
cane, com, wheat), and having around it
the words. “The Confederate States of
America, Twenty-second February,
Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-two,” with
the following motto: “Deo Yindice.”—
The Confederate monument at Magnolia
Cemateiy to the memory of the dead
who fell in defense of Charleston bears
on one of its faces an enlarged represen¬
tation of the great seal of the Confede¬
rate States.
EWTUKIAL aOITS.
Germany has 500 mill* for the manu-
facture of wood pulp. Such a degree of
perfection haa been attained in the treat¬
ment that jeven fbr the better qualities
ot paper the wood pulp ia aubatituted
for pulp made from raga. It constitutes
75 per cent of the paper stock used
throughout Germany.
New YpA. t t^oprktS|15,482for mi^
sionary work in Bulgaria and Turkey Ja^
$34,000 for Mexico, and §35,048 for
pan. The total appropriations for for-
ci S n minions is $370,898. The appro-
priatious for domestic missions are ■
Arizona, $8,000 ; Black Hills, $3,600,
and Dakota $13,525.
Large fortunes arc rare iu Switzerland
and the salaries of public functionaries
are very modest.- Tho president of the
confederation receives for his services
only $3,000 a year: few judges receive
more than $1,250, and there is probably
no bank manager in the country with a
salary of more than twice that amount,
A man with an income of $2,500 is con-
sidered very well off indeed, and to have
$5,000 a year is to bo “passing rich.”
General Wright, chief of enginees,
wants in the next fiscal year $30,730,485^
for use on the rivers and harbors. And
even this sum does not include the work
under the direction of tho Mississipp
river commission. He proposes to
pend $90,000 in Charleston harbor,
$135,000 on the Savannan river, and
$50,000 in Cumberland sound. The es¬
timates for tho Atlantic cost are for car¬
rying on operations on 145 of the 151
improvements in progress. They pro-
vide for the completion within the com-
iug fiscal year of 75 of them.
While the men and boys of America
were drinking eight gallons apiece of
beer aud whiskey Inst year they did not
exhaust tho stock of the manufacturers
in this country. They exported over
5,000,000 gallons of spirits and supplied
Europe with 235,000,000 pounds of to¬
bacco. The tobacco went almost entirely
to England, France aud Germany, while
the liquor found its way over almost tho
entire area of the civilized world. Iu
spite of the fact that we used 75,000,000
gallons of our owu whiskey in tho past
year, there were imported 8,000,000 gal-
Ions of spirits of various sorts, which,
by the way, is more than we exported in
the year. It is proper to add, that the
intornal r « v enue tax collected upon this
wllisky > beer and tobacco during tho
pftat flscal year was $110,000,000. ami
tliat the ild, ‘ rnaI revenue system, since
ds ^ uce I , ^ <m 1863, has brought into
tho tmumr y a total of $3,087,370,125,05.
--
An adroit reasoner once wrote an essay
on tea ns a cause of cri i. e in which he
contended tlmt this mild beverage wrick-
odmore nerves and ruined more eonsti-
* ;udo113 * bau ftd dl ° various terms of
alcohol combined. The consumption of
toa is increaaiu K ra l ,illl y and tea drinking
is becoming more aud more of a social
custome in England and America. Sugar
is going out of favor at fashionable Ame-
. . .. . 1 7°T “ ... 'T*
T ®^ nd The French '"'I dnnk their tea
gr ‘
T 7 T- * help themselves a «gar
thelr ^ erB - lhe Asians, who
8 °t many of onr social customs for us,
* >refer lemon ' Vltb botb bot and cold tea
a,ul seldom 1180 BUgar ' The luxur ^ of
tea drmkiug is said to be offered in its
“ost tempting form in Russia. Tlicir
best brand costs ten dollars a pound aid
its proper preparation for the table is one
of the national fine arts.
Some startling facts are disclosed in
tho report of the commissioners of
internal revenue. Last year the tobacco
factories in this country used 11,653,339
pounds of licorice in fixing their goods
for the market Besides this they used
11,257,1 (XI pounds of sugar to make the
stuff teste good. The total amount of
tobacco manufactured in the United
States last year was 110,000,000 pounds.
So that it is fair to conclude that ten per
cent, of the tobacco chewed by free
American citilens, is licorice and another
ten per cent, sugar. New Jersey takes
the lead in the manufacture of tobacco,
with Missouri a close second. North
Carolina third, and New Y or k fourth.
In the manufacture of cigars New York
leads the list, having 3,893 factories and
making a miilion cigars a year. The to¬
bacco factories and importers supply for
every male person in the country ten
pounds of chewing tobacco, three and a
half pounds of smoking tobacco, two
hundred and fifty cigars, and half a
pound of snuff. The whiskey showing
is still worse. Every male person in the
country coHld have had six gallons a
piece last year if the quantity ceonsmn-
ed had been ebually divided, while there
was enough malt liquor destroyed to
furnish every man, woman and child
with ten gallons each, The delightful
luxuries, while they regaled the Ameri-
can voter, paid the treasury $140,000,000.
__ 0
One ungrateful man does an injury tc
all who stand in need of aid.
LATER NEWS.
Immense <lamagt«fas been done by a t< r-
nado in Oxford, Franklin and other
of Maine. Millions of trees were blown
many bcm-ei and barns destroyed,
unroofed and railroad bridges moved
their foundations. Thelo-ses aggregate
dreds of thousands of dollars. •
The sum of 1 150,000 has been raised by sub.
scription for the purpose of establishing
general Unitarian headquarters in Boston
and immediate steps will be taken to purchase
an eligible sight and erect a suitable buil ling.
At the Prospect Fair grounds, Brooklyn
the bay gelding Frank, with running mate,
trotted a mile in 39)8).j, thus beating 2:10X>
the best record, which was made by Maud S.
without mate.
John Wakfin, of Cleveland, bit a dollar
that he could drink fifteen glasses of whisk}
in fifteen minutes, aud won the wager, but
lost his life
Trinity cathedral, one of the most impos¬
ing Episcopal buildings in the country, was
coils: crated at Omaha. Neb., by the founder,
Bishop Clarkson, assisted by Lord Bishop
Sweetman, of Toronto, Bishop Garrett, of
Texas, and other clergymen.
The National league, for the suppression
of polygamy, in session at Cleveland, adopted
an address to the country denouncing Mor¬
mon practices and urgently requesting “thaj
petitions bo circulated in every city, town
and school district in the United States, ask¬
ing Congress to submit to the legislatures of
the various States an amendment to the con¬
stitution 2 >rohibiting polygamy.”
During the recent heavy storm the barge
Milwaukee was lost with her crew of seven
men in Lake Ontario.
Tiik annual report of General Merritt, su.
permit a lent of the West Point Military
academy, says that on September 1, 1883,
there were at tho a a lemy fifty-five pro¬
fessors and commissioned officers and 311
cadets. There were no death! during the
year among the cadets, officers or soldiers.
'The average cost of subsisting each cadet
during the last year was 817.93 per month.
Tho general tone and discipline of the cadets
are good, although the practice of hazing hai
not yet been en tiiely broken up.
Gold in paying quantities has bosn found
in tho province of Quebec.
Senor Juan Valera, a distinguished
Spanish novelist and formerly minister to
Portugal, has bean appointed successor to the
late Senor Barca, who kille 1 himself in New
York, as Spain’s diplomatic representative in
ho United States.
Tehee men were killed and five others in¬
by the explosion of the boiler attached
a saw mill in Jackson township, Penn.
A colored man 112 years old died a few
ago in Boston.
A convention called by the United States
of agricu ture to consider tho
diseases of domestic animals met
Chicago. Government inspection of "all
and dead meat exported, and of ex¬
hog products, was advocated.
A boiler in the works of tho Coal Bluff
company, at Fontnnet, Ind., ex-
1 killing one man instantly, fatally
two others and seriously scalding
more.
Very cold weather is reported from the
the thermometer varying from
to forty degre.s below zero.
John Smith, a colored man, was hanged a*
Md., for the murder ofawhite man
Harden ; aud on the sime day Perry
also colored, suffered a similar penalty
Union, S. C , for arson.
A fire at Columbus, Miss., destroyed a
with 2,000 bales of cotton, causing
loss of $100,000.
Secretary Teller has made an important
concerning pensions to dependent
mothers whose sons wero kille l in the late
war. The statute, says the secretary, was
enacted to give dependent relatives some
compensation for the damage they had sus¬
tained by the loss of the person on whom they
did in fact depend or might, depend for their
support, and lie decides that in all ordinary
cases a mother is entitled ti a [tension.
During the past fiscal year the expenses of
the United Staten diplomatic service aggre¬
gated $381,072. Thee insular service returned
fees amounting to $'914,839, and expended
$*70,390 in salaries and other expenses, show¬
ing that this service is net only self-sustain¬
ing, eut has paid into the treasury a revenue
amounting to $44,519.
supposing a case.
It was an ingenious witness that turned
the laugh upon the genial County At-
tomey of Androscoggin County, Maine
at court recently. The case was the
Philip Atkins case
“Now, sir,’’said the County Attorney,
holding up a gold chain, “what would
you have thought if you had seen such a
chain as that around the respondent’s
neck?”
“Well, I can’t say. I didn’t see any
sucli chain.”
‘ ‘Well, if you had ?”
“I can’t say; never see any such chain
on Atkins’s neck.”
• “Yes,” replied the Attorney; “but let
us suppose a case. Suppose, for in¬
stance, that you had seen this chain
around Philip Atkius’s neck; what
would you have thought, knowing At-
aius, as you do?”
The court-r.oom was very quiet. The
witness drawled perceptibly as he re¬
plied:
“Well, I suppose if I had seen it, I
should have thought that he had a gold
chain around his neck.”
The Judge relasped, and the audience
exploded, aud the prosecution lost the
point .—Lewiston Journal.
THE RIGHT OF CONQUEST.
“Why do you make such a facein tak¬
ing mediciue?” asked a wife of her hus¬
band. “You pour it down Tommy.” than
“Yes, because I am stronger
Tommy. If Tommy were stronger than
I, be would doubtless pour it down me.”
—Arkansaw Traveller.
Dropped Out. —It appears by a lecture
of Mr. Laughton, delivered at Greenwich
recently, that the old Royal George, she
whose sudden careening, just with as hundreds was
ready to start on a cruise
of men on board, has been the subject of
verse and romance, realJv went down
liecause she was rotten, and the unusual
weight in her hold caused her bottom to
drop out, on which she filled and sank
RAILKOAD I IS ASTER
I'iffht Person* Kil’e.1 by a Frightful
A (iilent in IlllMni*.
A dispatch from Streatcr, Ill., gives tin
'ollowing particulars of a terrible railread
accident, by which eight passengers,
dinga lady and her daughter and a minis'er,
were killed, and seven oth r persons injured:
The Chicago. Burlington and Quincy mail
train from Chicago wa; due here at a
quarter to 1 P. M. It was within three miles
of the city when it.was signaled iding ballast to stop along by a
switchman who was un'.o
the track from a train of Hat cars
atfached to the switch engme-
The pas-enger train back stepped. flag and
the rear brakeman went, to any¬
thing that might b : folto wing the passenger
ti aiu, hut he had not gat mors than one or
two car lengths when an extra freight train
rounded the curve and was down ujkjii them
in an instant. The freght engine. No. 211.
.truck the rear pas-enger coach and com¬
pletely telescope 1 it. There were about
(.wenty persons in the car and few escaped
without injury. The engine completely im¬
peded itself in the car. the i assengers being
thrown forward, and then its boiler exploded
and one piece of its head was forced entirely
through the car. said that the train
One of the passengers
had just barely stopped when the collision
occurred. “1 heard,” said he, “a terrible
crash as the endue struck the car. The ex¬
plosion immedately followe i, filling 1 did tuecar
with sham and boiling water. not
hear a single cry for at least n minute, when
I discovered that the two ladies sit ing in
front of me were struggling in the agonies of
death. They were calling for asdstonce, but
there was no help for them, as they perished
almost instantly from the inhalation of
(.team,”
The switch engine that was unloading and the
ballast came at once into this city, gath-
?ring up a relief corps started with a caboose
ma two dot tors for the scene of»the accident.
Meanwhile all that could wounded possibly and be dying done
for the assistance of the
and t are of the dead was done.
Domestic Kecipcs.
A delicious way to prepare baked
apples for tea is to cut out the core be¬
fore baking. When ready to send to
the table fill the space left in the apple
with sweet cream with a little powdered
sugar in it. Quinces are also excellent
prepared in the same way. > In these
butter may take the place of cream if
more convenient.
A delicious hot sauce for puddings is
made of six tablespoonfuls of sugar, two
of butter, and one egg; beat the butter,
sugar, and the yolk of the egg together,
then add the white beaten to a froth;
lastly stir in a teacupful of boiling wa-
ter and a teaspoonfu) of vanilla.
One way to economize and to produce
excellent results in cooking is to use suet
in place of butter or lard. For many
purposes it is better than either of these.
Some people who object decidedly to
cakes fried in lard relish them when suet
is used for frying. Beef balls are very
nice fried in suet. Round steak can lie
used for these. Chop the meat fine, sea¬
son well with pepper and salt and any
herb you may choose, shape them like
fiat balls with your hands, dip in egg and
fine cracker or bread crumbs, and fry in
the hot suet. *
Fried Tomatoes.— Have ready over
the fire a frying-kettle half full of fat, or
a large frying-pan containing butter
enough to cover the bottom to the depth
of an inch; peel half a dozen firm toma¬
toes of medium size, and cut them in
slices about quarter of an inch thick;
put into a bowl quarter of a pound of
llou'r, half level teaspoonful of salt,
quarter of a saltspoonful of pepper, the
yolk of one raw egg, a teaspoonful of
salad oil or melted batter, and sufficient
cold water to make a batter thick enough
to hold a drop from the mixing spoon
for an instant on its surface; beat the
white of the egg to a stiff froth and mix
it lightly into the batter; when the fat
is smoking hot dip the slices of tomato
into the batter, put them into the hot
fat, and quickly fry them brown; when
they are brown take them from the fat
with a skimmer, lay them free for them a moment
on brown paper to from
grease, and then serve them hot.
City of Mexico.
Newcomers in the city of Mexico are
surprised on finding so many of the con¬
veniences common to large cities at
home, such as the telephone, tho elec-
)rie. light, a police force, and an excel¬
lent street ear service. The electric
tights are ou the tops of iron rods run-
nmg up from the gas lamp posts. The
police are far more soldierly than the
regular army of the country. They
wear a blue flannel suit, the coat but-
toned up, and their cap has a covering
of white, which, with the standing linen
f°!* belts ar > on 15 one alwa side ys immaculate. they carry a club In their and
0,1 <bo other a Iar £ e revolver. If one
"’ isl 'es to see a policeman he has only
f0 tbe nearest corner, and he will
8Ureiy “ Ud him landing there, for he
l,as no beat to walk over. The speed at
which . street cam go is astonishing.
dnsh al ? n S as fast as mules can
l ,n ‘* them, and as they approach a cor-
ner * he driver gives a loud toot ou a horn
JV* * bo l )Ur Pose of warning people at
tbc crossing to get out of the way.
THE FARMER AND THE TELEPHONE.
The Saginaw (Mich.) Courier says:—
A [ farmer stepped into a grocery sell
house here and wanted to a
load of apples. The buyer for the firm
was at the telephone, and the financial
man told the farmer to wait a moment,
aud as the buyer turned from the tele¬
phone the man of cash, who nudge, was busy, and
attracted his attention by a
pointed to the apples. He went out
with the farmer and asked him what bis
apples were worth. The farmer went
down into his pocket, and bushel pulled basket out a
dollar, and pointed to the
on the load. The buyer said, “That’s too
much. I’ll give you 75 cents.” The
farmer shook his head and flourished
the dollar. He was told it was too
much, and that he must take something
less. He took out a scrap of paper and
wrote 85 cents and $1, and then by mo¬
tions indicated that he would take 85
cents for one lot and $1 for the others.
The buyer said, “All right, but why his
don’t you talk ?” The farmer found
tongue, and replied: “ Why, ain’t you
deaf?” “ Not that anybody knows of.”
“ What did you have that tube to your
ear then for ?” and the man from the
rural districts learned about the tele¬
phone.
Fools will otten maze success where
prudent people fail.
IMPORTANT TIME CHANGE-
Change* in the Time by tvh'ch the
Huilruad* of the Country are
Hun.
The changes made on Sunday, November 18,
in the time by which about all the railroads in
the country are run, cannot be brought about,
at the best, without considerable friction,
says the Scientific American. In Boston, for
instance, there is no little opposition to the
putting of clocks and watches back some
seventeen minutes, as will be necessary under
the new provision for “Eastern standard”
time, but orders have been issued for many of
the pi.b ic clocks in that city to be so regu¬
lated, and, as the whole railroad system of
the Eastern States will be controlled by
this standard, the prevailing opinion seems
to be that the innovation will be generally
accepted. There may be some who will at
first carry the two kinds of time, the “stand¬
ard” and the true, as can be rea watch: lily done by
having two minute hands on a this is
now frequently practiced to keep both New
York and Boston time, by those who travel
much between the two cities. In New York
city, where the change required calls for
putting back the true time only four min¬
utes, there will probably standard, be less opposition to
the adoption of the new but it may
be readily conceived that great confusion
will inevitably be caused wherever it is at-
tempte i to use the two kinds of time simul¬
taneously. adoption of the plan there will
By the only four new standards of time
practically be the country, instead of forty-
nine, throughout -nt. The time-tables of
as at pres will be many
of the ra’Jroads also have to facilitate changed, the
as well as the clocks, in order to
making of connections between lines affected
over considerable distances east and west.
The following list of changes Allen, has, therefore,
been furnished by Mr. W. F. secretary
of the railroad conventions which decided
upon the adoption of the clock new standard, be the
letter t' denoting that the is to set
ahead, and the letters that it is to be set
back: Fe, of
Atchison, Topeka, an l Santa east
Dodge City, clocks only, 9 minutes, f.
Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe, west of
Dodge City, clocks and schedules, 51 minutes.
s.
1 ’ h clocks antl ,
Boston Hoosac Tunnel and Western, both
clocks and schedules, 4 minutes, s.
Boston and Albany, clocks only 10 min-
ut ®?- s -,. (Eastern division), clocks
Canadian Facific
° Delaware and ^Hudson Canal Company,
clocks only, 4 minutes, s. and Western, both
Delaware, Lackawanna,
docks an 1 schedules, 4 minutes, s.
brtMm.S552& clocks
Freehold and New York, both aud
schedules, 4 minutes, Connecticut s. Western, clocks
Hartford and
only, Lake 4 minutes, Shore and s. Michigan Southern, both
clocks and schedules. 28 minutes, s.
Lehigh Valley, clocks only, 1 minute, f.
Louisville and Nashville, clocks only 18
minute«, s . Pacific, clocks, schedules at St.
Missouri
Louis only, 8 minutes, s. Western, clocks
New York, Lake Erie, and
only, 4 minuses, York Central s. and Hudson River,
New
clocks only. 4 minutes, s.
New York City and Northern, clocks only,
4 minut es, s.
New York and New England tchedu (east of 14 Con¬
necticut), both clocks and es, min¬
utes, s. New England (in Connecti¬
New York and
cut), both clocks and New schedules, York division, 4 minutes, both s.
Pennsylvania, schedules, 1 minute, f.
clocks and
Pennsylvania, all divisions except New
Yoik. c.ocks only, and 1 minute, Reading, f. both clocks
and Philadelphia schedule-, 1 minute, f.
clocks Rome, Watertown, 4 minutes, and, Ogdens'nirg,
only, s.
Gambling Legally Defined.
The Supreme Court of Michigan holds
pools selling on games of base ball to be
gambling within the meaning of the
statutes of that State against the keeping
gaming rooms. The fact that games
upou which the wagers are laid do not
take place in the room, but at a distance,
is unimportant. of billiards
“Betting upon played a game in New York,”
which is being
says Judge Cooley, “can as readily be
carried on in a distant city as iu the very
room where the playing is going on; and
if the latter be.” is a gaming room so must
the other
The court considers it to be gaming or
gambling to bet upon any game, al¬
though the game may be perfectly inno¬
cent and there may be no wager between
the players themelves. Batting is thus
equivalent to gambling whenever the
bet is to be determined by the result of
a game, but there may be betting which
is uot gaming, as for example, in the
case of an election wager. Horse races,
however, as well as dog fights, footraces
and coc b fights have been held to be
games within the tenns of the English
atatut e ™ the sub3ect, passed in the
tune of Queen Anne, which is the basis
of much of the American legislation.
it Was Was There J here.
Judge David Davis was once making
a deposit at a Washington bank and
stood counting a large pile of voZ money at
a desk. A well-dressed man
stepped up and, with a bow and a smile
said: “Judge, you have dropped a bill. ”
Sure enough there lav a clean, depositor^ crisp
genuine two-dollar bill at the
“Thank you,” blandlv answered
tho judge, placing his ponderous right
boot over the bill on the floor and calmly
resuming his counting. The sharper
taken aback by the coolness of the pro-
ceeding, disappeared and the judge was
$2 ahead by the transaction.
Pensions.—I n the United States the
average value of a pension is about $105.
The average date when arrears begin to
accrue is 1864. The number of unset-
tied claims now pending which involve
arrears is 148,813. In addition, 95,692
claims are pending which will not in-
volve arrears. The present annual
charge for pensions is $32,000,000. If
half the pending claims are allowed,
this will be increased to $84,836,565. If
no further claims are received, the an-
nual charge will of course diminish
slowly at present, but very rapidly in a
few years.
A , Guy „ Hoopm.—Mr. _ wr Edwin ■ Booth, -D i,
when told that a guy hooter was a
regular attache© of a girl s baseball nine,
and ^as lured to make boisterous]y
funny remarks in order to excite the
crowd to laughter, said that it was a
good idea for the comedians “Put a
good infectious laughter into an audi-
eilce said he and it would be a tre-
mendeus help to a lareial performance.’*
THE JOKER’S BUDGET.
WHAT Wl FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS.
SHE GOT IT.
“There,” called out a woman who was
a passenger on a Bay City train leaving
Detroit a day or two ago. “I’ve went
and gone and left my satchel in the
depot! Somebody call the conductor I”
A benevolent man with a bald head
and a double chin volunteered his ser¬
vices, and after a time the conductor was
brought in.
“Cau’t you stop and run back ?” asked
the woman.
“No, ma’am, but I’ll telegraph What to is
have your baggage sent on.
it?”
“A satchel. ”
“Very well,” he said as he began to
write. “It’s and an old the ,8atchel look broken, with one of
handle off,
eource.”
“Y-yes, sir; but it’s none of your
business if it is. You don’t buy my
satchels 1”
“No, ma’am—of course not. Let’s
see ! I’ll telegraph them to open it. The
first thing on top is a .blustered night-cap.” “J
“S'posin’ ’tis!” she up.
gueia there is no law- agin wearing night¬
caps I”
“No, ma’am; and the next thing which is a
pair of black woolen stockings
have been darned in the heels. What
next ?”
‘The next thing is that if any mem in
this ’ere State of Michigan dares to open
that satchel and go to pawing over the
contents I’ll make a corpse of him !” she
exclaimed, as she untied her bonnet.
“Bat I must telegraph.” black satchel
“Then you call it a kind¬
er busted in on one side aud kinder
busted all to Goshen by and" you railroad
wretches on both ends, let it go at
thnt •' 1 Wt have « pawed over.”
madam > 3’°^—”
Not another word, she said, as her
spectacles danced on lier nose. “Do as
I tell you, and if they can’t find it I’ll
come back aud stir things np and bounce
tlU tbey ’ d think it’s a bad
y ® al i 01 hurricanes. Just say a busted
black satchel, and add that if it comes
along with the other handle pulled off
flicker!”
The busted black satchel left on the
next train .—Detroit Free Press.
ON THE WRONG BACK.
An invalid gentleman and his wife had
engaged a berth in a Pullman car on a
certain railway. Toward midnight the
patient awoke with a severe pain in his
back, and asked his wife to apply a mus¬
tard plaster as quickly as possible. His
better half at cnce gut the plaster ready
and then ran to the other end of the car¬
riage to warm it at the lamp and make
it draw all the better. Returning to her
sick husband the little woman unfortu¬
nately went to the wrong bed, which hap¬
pened to be occupied by a stout asleep. German
wine merchant, who was fast She
quickly drew the curtain, lifted the bed¬
clothes, and in a twinkle clapped the
plaster on the traveler’s back. At that
moment the sick husband called out
from the berth: “Mary, what a long
time you are !” Now the poor woman
first became aware of her terrible mis¬
take. Hurrying to her husband she told
him in a whisper of what she had done.
The poor sufferer could not help laugh-
mg in spite of his pain, and he laughed
until his pain had left him. Then all
was still for awhile, until suddenly loud
crijs and imprecations were heard pro-
ceedingfrom the wine traveler. “Herr-
gotsmUlionendonnerwetter back ! What Himmel- is it
that I have got on my ?
mel-bouabemgranateii - elemenis-donner-
und Hagslwetter! Whew, how it burns!
Water! Fire! Ah! Oh! my back !
The bed is on fire ! Thunder and light-
ning! Water! my back!” We draw
a veil over the rest of the story .—Port
Jervis Union.
plantation philosophy.
De reason dat we thinks dat our mud-
ders coulcTbeat anybody cookin’ is be¬
cause we kain’t carry de boy’s appertit©
inter ole age. When my wife says,
“Doan yer think yer’d better do so an’
so,” I commences ter argy wid her, but
when she says, “Go an’ do so an’ so,” I
hus’les den an’ dar. I knowed one man
what was so good dat he wouldn’t pull a
steer outen de ditch on Sunday, He
was arterward sont ter de penitentiary fur
stealing a horse on Tuesday. De baby
is more ap’ ter die deu de man; de little
apple is more ap’ ter fall dan de well
grone one; de ole man is more ap’ ter
die den de young man, fur de ripe apple
ls al - ers rea( j v ter (j ra p_ it is a mighty
g£fh stiw‘W am t good ^ fur yer. t0(>
?®v P *1 6 K • - m , ora 5 ^ ap , be deuwlle seed by n
l ™ d ? r d f bush - Once a man
t r ] p ul lt he dl< ? n de offi c ? whafc
e< ? n ^ ominate d f u r . an , dat he
hiZ h Z ° m dat I had voted
° become aroun an raised a
d Ti WheU 'i can J rdate
ten* det be i. doan want de office, I
f?wL n > ot — 7 “ZiT 1 liar.— 1 hafi a mi fibty
spicion dat he s a Arkansaw
traveler.
ONE OP LINCOLN S STORIES.
lather ^ ec ^ s e tary nature Lincoln to enable has enough him to of make his
g°°d stories and to tell them well. When
le was to Chicago with Arthur he, with
? number of ether gentlemen, was en-
an after-dinner chat, when he told
story, illustrative of the craze in
Chicago for entering the plea of self¬
defense: Three men quarreled iu a room
above a saloon, when one of them fell
dead from heart disease. The others
w ? re fearful that they would be charged
wl tA murder, so one went to the saloon
and enticed the bartender out, while the
other carried the corpse down and placed
it in a chair with its head on a table as
lf sleeping off a drank. Wbenthebar-
tender returned the two men took a
drink, chair saying the drunken man in the
would pay for it, and went away,
The bartender soon shook his customer
and demanded his pay. The corpse fell
over on the floor, and as the bartender
stood trembling with fear, the two men
returned with an officer. The bartender,
anticipating his arrest, quickly said ’
“ He struck me first.”