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T. J, LUMPKIN, Editor and Proprietor. VOLUME I. ■Poetical Selections. PARTING. AV .'op not that we must part; filings are short, eternity is long. is hut one brief stage, Aif thev that say love ends with life are wrong. * I last to thine own heart’s cry— ' ■ Love can not die. ■p hat though so far away? f |£h' thoughts will tie with me, and with thee mine, ■ oi absence iias no power I'ujJ ;i>n what by nature is divine. ■ List to thine own heart’s cry— Love can not die. weep no more, my loro; ||( ng but shows thy trust in me is small. ith is by calmness proved, Jm -iiow this truth: thou cans’t not love at all ■ Unless thine own heart erv B *' Love can not die.” Bories and Sketches. AN EVEN IJET. BY A. 0. Q. ■flumborwell is the slightly old-fash ion ( and market-town of one of the west ern shires of “ merrie England.” | is a slecpy-looking place, except on “ Boar’s Head ” is the best —and nes iy only—commercial “house” in Sflmhcrweil. ■ Now, then, gentlemen, please!— tin s itp!” shouts the landlord, putting his head into the billiard-room at the clohing-time one night. Make it an even bet, and I’ll take you. Waggers!” exclaims Harry Doun ton a young man of forward and lady kilfi ng appearance. j I>one! Put down your coin, Harry! I pounds a side!” ml jUr. Waggers —another young i, square built, shock-headed, small-< l, and with a boisterous, frolicsoipe —drew out a handful of mixed gold silver coins, and counted out ten sovereigns on to the green cloth. <"> it, Waggers! Hullo, Daunton, Ire in for it! Down with your ten (!?’” cried the little crowd of men Time’s up, please gents!” this time i Perks, the pot boy, who seemed to e an instantaneous and magic appear ; among the party. would have been a difficulty to $ even at the age pf Perks. Any g between ten and forty. His voice shrill as a boy’s; his height just four eleven; face weazened and hairless; l about two sizes too large for his Mmff bandy- ' and with long, muscular arms. Bjs'o one took the slightest notice of fißrks’s admonition. Hand the stakes to Wilkins; he’ll hold them!” exclaimed several. Daunton produced a bank note fnu his pocket-book, and dropped it among the gold. What’s it all about?” asked a tall man, with the most “refereeish” look tf the party, stepping forward, and gathering up the money with a jquite usc 1-to-it sort of way. chorus of explanations followed, with which Perks’s shrill “Time’s up, mingled to no purpose. ne at a time!” expostulated Wil kii the tall man. “Now, Hien, Wag- Rers!” Well,” commenced that individual Daunton has just bet me even mcpiey—you bold the stakes—that to morrow— not being market-day, and we; ther permitting—he ivill set off from door below at midday, and proceed ing on the left-hand side half a mile d(n n the street —that is to say, as far <yvn as Dowsell’s pump—kiss every woman he meets on liis own side! Eh, Hrrv?” B‘That’s it!” returned Mr. Daunton, confidently. “ You’ll be there, Wilkins, tolsee all’s square?” nodded, and made a note in *h fly-leaf of his betting book. 0l Iv Now ’ ti m e’s up!” the lights went out, BN the party followed, scampering and I* * * * * * Vhy did Mr. Waggers rise next morn with the worm that precedes the !y bird, and make such an untimely t to the “Institute for Aged and ; pectable Females,” that was situated ‘ositc Dowsell’s pump? NVell, that’s a good ’un!” ejaculated Paine Scaremale, when lie had gone. [<• says whoevcr’ll have a drop of gin dy this cold day, with a rusk to help !<>wn, let ’em come up to the 1 Boar’s a d about twelve o’clock. He’s a u lonian! I’m on!” ame Scaremale was a raw, bony llan , Past the prime of life, but with ■f un ” rnu scles in good condition yet, Hvl a very virago for modesty. It is s * le had married a man; but the ° r t goes, he only survived it two nths. lit side of the front entrance to the ■■>oars Head.” ■ N°w, then, Daunton; it’s twelve!” Bd A ilkins, returning his watch to his ket. “ There are deuced few people h| sight!” H ; Ail right,” said Harry; “ but you ■Hows— only Waggers and Wilkins to mindl” ■ A murmur of assent came from the few if 10 had gathered round to see the start, li! there’s Perks?” shouted AVaggers. |j|| <T °t half a day’s leave sir,” said the landlord, coming forward, ■Waggers drew him aside, and some ls penng took place. ■ All right sir,” nodded the landlord, ■a n they had finished. “ I’ll see they ff 1 Aas they comes in, sir, and put it to your account.” start, the unabashed Harry on the left hand side; Messrs, aggers and Wilkins followed on the oilier. Harry was in luck. Looking down the long street, there scarcely seemed a dozen folks in sight altogether. First he met a young shop girl, who received his salute with a blush and a stare; tlieh a fresli-colored farmer’s wife, who declared “ the young man must be mad; but, there! after all ;” then an aged, stout gentleman with his charming daughter, who shrank from him in vain, while her paternal relative could do nothing but snort, and vociferate empty threats after the liencft speeding rogue; then he surprised cook and housemaid outside their front door, who only laughed and asked for another, which they didn’t get; then it was a girl of about fourteen, whom he kissed to make sure, spilling some of the milk she carried, which he stayed to toss her a shilling for; then a young man with his sleek corpulent mamma, who considered her self insulted, while her son pulled ex citedly at a few' straw hairs, (carefully designated by their owner a moustache), and fitted an eyeglass into his eye to see who it was, turning afterwards to liis af fronted parent, and remarking, “ Vewy stwange!” Then he chanced upon a sour, angu lar-looking spinster,'Who had never been kissed before in her life, and rather liked it, but managed to get her open hand sharply on his ears nevertheless; and then, heartily enjoying the fun, and taking by surprise—or, giving rather— what he wanted, without word or com ment, he came upon a show that caused him much consternation. There, filing out of the “ Institute,” came in pairs, three, and little knots, the good, frequently venerable, but always ugly, widows and spinsters of Slumber well. It was a terrible sight to him, and he groaned; but looking over the way and noting the infinite relish and mirth of his two followers, lie nerved himself and sped forward. “ After all,” lie argued. “ they’re all old, and can’t show fight or run. *lt only wants cheek.” Down on the first batch. One 'after the other he caught them dexterously by the shoulders, and plumped them one— anywhere! Still on he urged, not miss ing any, first making a pounce against the wall; then, with a bound, across the path into the road, and on to one whose old legs were warily trying to dodge him; and now, two at a tihie, with an arm round each neck. It was for ail the world like a big fox among a Inure flock of gefcse; sYtch a cackling, such a hissing, such a liubhnb was never heard before. He had only another twenty yards further to go. But they kept pressing up in front of him, and closing all round him; he was getting bewildered as to which be had kissed. Things were be coming serious! He could hear two fits of sustained laughter, convulsing two male somebodies over the road. He wouldn’t give in! He made a dash at a big, bony woman! “Scra-ash!” and there was a long, smarting scratch down liis face. “ Would ye, now?” inquired Dame Scaremale, trying to repeat the applica tion, as he backed away from her. A dozen hands were uplifted now, each garnished with formidable-looking nails, and he was getting hemned in. He wasn’t beaten yet, with that laughter ringing in his ears; but plunged and bounced, till suddenly a little old woman, with a very large head, in a very large bonnet, sprang forward with a shrill shriek, and locked a pair of long lithe arms round his neck with the grip of a Gorgon, if the ancient supposition was that their grips were throttling. It was no use; down he went! Then rose the cry, “To the pump! Put him under the pump!” Half dragged, half carried, in the midst of the petticoat mob; the little old woman, looking like the antiquated witch of fairy-lore, and Dame Scare male, being the prime movers. Appealing vainly for rescue and as sistance, lie was ignominiously placed under the pump, and not till lie was drenched and half drowned did they all scamper off, and leave him to liis bitter reflections, and two friends. That evening there was a supper at the “ Boar’s Head,” to which some dozen nearly were*seated. Waggers “stood” it, having been declared the winner of the bet. Harry Daunton had been duly chaffed and laughed at, and having somewhat recovered his temper—though not his whole skin —consented to act as “ vice,” while Mr. Wilkins took the “upper end.” “ I say, Daunton,” exclaimed the president, “wasn’t that big woman a Tartar? Let’s drink to her!” “ By Jove, Wilkins, it’s all very well to laugh; I wish you’d been there!” “So I was; but could hardly see for laughing.” “That big woman,” put in Waggers, “is Dame Scaremale, supposed to be the strongest woman in Slumberwcll, though she is turned sixty.” “Iso she isn’t, then! I’d like to know who that little old woman, with the big head was? Gad! if ever I meet her alone, not all the chivalry in male human nature shall save her shrivelled old carcass!” There was a giggle behind his chair. He turned, but only saw Berks. “ What are you making that noise for?” he queried. A roar went up around the table. “ Well, I don’t see what you’re all laughing at,” he said, returning to hi3 supper It was “turning out time” again be fore they departed, very jovial and lolicking. Neither Messrs. Daunton nor Waggers could have identified, with any of certainty, which was the little old woman, and which big Dame Scaremale, in their then happy frame of i mind. RISING FAWN, DADE COUNTY, GEORGIA, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1879. “Faithful to the Right, JF earless J gainst the Wrong." English Girls Fifty Years ago. [London Standard.] The English girls in the old country houses a generation ago, had a merry, genuine unaffected smile. When a guest dropped in unexpectedly they were clearly delighted to see him, and not in the least ashamed of it. They'showed an evident desire to please, without a trace of an a riere pernee. Tall, well developed, in the height of good health, with bloom upon the cheek and w T ith brilliant eyes, they were irresistibly charming. But it was the merry laugh that dwelt so long in the memory—a laugh from the heart in the joyousness of youth. They joined freely in the con versation, but they did not thrust them selves fonvard; and not a hint was breathed of those social scandals which now form the staple of fashionable gossip. They w r ere well acquainted with household duties, and had not learned to regard them as menial. At table the mistress would suggest that tea w f as hardly strong enough for a man, and that a nip of brandy might improve it; and after the old-time late afternoon tea, all the girls would draw around the fire, and when pipes w r ere produced, would ask the visitor to smoke; and even if he declined on account of the ladies, it was pleasant to be asked. As the conversation ran on, each of the girls ‘candidly avowed her opinions upon such topics as were started, blushing a little when she w r as asked to give her reasons; and there was individ uality displayed that gave zest and in terest to the talk. This was not so many years ago; but now when one calls at such a country-house, liow different is the reception? The servant show: the visitor into a drawing-room furnished in the modern style, and takes the name up stairs. By-and-by the ladies enter in morning costume; not a stray curl al lowed to wander from its stern bands; nature rigidly repressed; decorum, “ society” in every flounce and trimming. A touch of the bell, and decanters of port and sherry are produced, and wine is presentedorran electro-salver, together with sweet biscuits—it being the correct thing to sip one glass and crack one bis cuit. The conversation is so insipid, so entirely confined to the merest plati tudes, that it becomes a relief to escape. The girls still have good constitutions and rosy looks, but they worry about it in secret, and wish they could appear thin and white and more “ ladylike.” They have suppressed the slightest ap proach to animation. They read the so called social. -journals and absorb the gos sip, tittle-tattle and personalities. The guest departs chilled and depressed. What a comfort when he can turn a cor ner behind the hedge, and can thrust hia bauds into liis pockets and whistle. A Young Lady’s Long Swim. A Lake Geneva (Wisconsin) dispatch , to the Chicago Tiibune, of August 28, 1 says: “The most remarkable event of the season occurred on the lake yester day. Miss Mamie Minier, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. H. S. Minier, and grand daughter of Judge Ayer, of Harvard, Illinois, a briglit-eyed brunette of sweet sixteen, performed the unparalleled feat of swimming from Harvard Park across the lake to Camp Collie, a distance of nearly two miles, in less than half an hour, winning a wager from her father, the ladies natatorial championship of the United States, and numerous souve nirs presented by admiring friends. This naiad queen was accompanied by a gentleman swimmer and by boats con taining the judges and spectators. There was no time limit to the performance; Miss Minier did not hurry, but moved through the water with easy grace, tak ing a regulation stroke, occasionally changing position for relief, now on one side, now on the other; then listlessly floating for rest; again swimming with face up, sword and arms folded on her breast. The heroine of this adventure was only slightly exhausted by such an extraordinary feat of skill and endur ance. She was clad in an elegant bath ing costume, ala Dieppe, which allowed full and free movement to her magnifi cently rounded arms and voluptuous physique. Miss Minier has been some what celebrated around the lake during the summer for her skill in aquatic sports, and she was determined to close the season with a grand effort which would eclipse all her companions, and she has thus met with admiring success. Height of Storms. Prof. Loomis, in his investigations of the phenomena of storms, has ascertained that atmospheric disturbances during storms do not generally extend more than about a mile above the sea level as they pass over New England. Frorn observa tions made at the sea level, as at Port land, simultaneously with observations at the summit of Mt. AVashington, it is found that during the passage of storms the usual system of circulating winds docs not, in a majority of instances, ex tend to a height of six thousand feet. The more violent the movement, how ever, the greater is the height attained by the disturbance. Another fact of in terest is that the disturbance on the ap proach of a storm is felt at the surface sooner than at considerable elevations. Prof. Loomis says that “ when, during the progress of ail area of low pressure, the system of circulating winds reaches the summit of Mt. AVashington, the change of wind to the east quarter usually begins at the surface stations eleven hours sooner than it does on the summit of that mountain.” It thus ap pears that only in the lower portions of the atmosphere do the great storm move ments occur, and they are first felt at or near the earth’s surface. Dr. Clason had a case of triplets 4n the past week. Mother and littles ones are doing famously, but the Tatlier is not expected to recover. —Danbury News. Relating His Experience. [Louisville Courier-Journal.J Two gentlemen met upon the street yesterday close to a reporter of the Courier-Journal, who takes the liberty of giving their conversation publicity as it may throw some light on Memphis. The first gentleman was very much surprised at seeing the second, and said: “ Where in the world did you come from?” “Memphis.” “ I thought you were dead?” “ Yes, those Howards reported me dead last year, and I am still so re corded.” “ How is Memphis?” “It is given over to the thieves.” “ The fever does not seem to be so fatal this year?” “ No; it isn’t the regular Yellow Jack. When a man dies now his body crumbles to pieces almost as soon as it is placed in the coffin. Last year the body would remain in a dried up condition for two or three days. We had the kind of fever we are now having all last win ter. Whenever a fire was kindled in a house where the disease had been it broke out and the inmates died.” “You must have had some sad ex periences ?” “ Yes; my wife and children died last year and I was reported dead. No sooner was this report originated than the thieves began to pillage the house. I was sitting up with my dead when they broke open the door. Two or three empty coffins were in the house, and I determined to frighten the thieves off. I had no weapons, so I got in one of the coffins and lay there still as death. The thieves pushed open the door and came in with lights. I raised myself stiffiy up in the coffin and tried to make my face as ghastly as possible. When the burglars saw me they imagined they saw an apparition. They dropped all their plunder, and turned and fled like wilci^’ Burdette’s Night Thoughts. ' Burlington Hawkeye.] Dos’fc judge a man by his clothes. Can y i tell what the circus is going to be liki by looking at the Italian sunset pictures on the fence. Do you value a turkey for its plumage. And isn’t the skin of the mink the most, and, indeed, the only valuable part of him? There be men, fair to look upon, who wander up and down this country, and sit in the codes places on the hotel piazzas, who are ar; yed in tine linens and cardinal socks, and who have to hold thdp hjgpi over their scarf pin when sec the moonlight, who, unal|!flsted and unprompted, do not possess the discre tion to come in when it rains, and don’t know enough to punch a hole in the snow with an umbrella —new, soft snow at that; without any crust on it. Now and then, son, before you are are as old as Methuselah, meet a man who wears a hat that is %nrth twice as much as the head it On the other hand, don’t fall into thF error of believ ing that all the goodness, and honesty, and intelligence m the world goes about in shreds and pa tl lies. We have seen a tramp dressed irP more rags than you could rake out of the family rag-bag, and more dirt and hair on him than would suffice to protect a horse, who would step up to the front door and demand three kinds of cake, half a pie, and then steal every movable thing in the yard, kill the dog, choke up the pump with sand, tramp on the pansy bed and girdle the cherry trees because lie couldn’t carry them away. Good clothes or bad are never an infallible index to a man that is in them. Failures from Overdoing. The story is current in the neighbor hood of Concord, that Emerson and Hawthorne, and Alcott, and Thoreau, and others, once formed a social club for evening conversations. It was natur ally expected that the interviews of these literary giants would be occasions of rare enjoyment. But the club proved a wretched failure, and survived only two meetings. The great men couldn’t unbend for easy and familiar talk, and opened their lips only for oracular utter ances. John Stuart Mill tells of a similar fail ure in a debating club in London. It was composed of the most brilliant young men in the city, Macaulay, ThirlwaU (the historian), Wilberforce, afterwards Bishop of Oxford, the brothers Bulwer, the three brothers Yilliers, Charles Thomson, and others who afterwards won eminence in Parliament. Great expecta tions were excited, and the first meeting was crowded, a large number of men in public life coming to hear the young orators. A noted Oxford speaker opened the discussion. He attempted so high a flight that he failed utterly, and sat down with extreme chagrin. Others fol lowed with similar aims, only to fail in the same way. Not a single speaker was successful. The audience went away disgusted, and the young men were so mortified that a second meeting was never attempted. Had they been content to speak in a natural way, they might have formed a very successful society. They were over burdened with the weight of their repu tation and the expectation of the public. An Undecided Witness. At a legal investigation of a liquor seizure the judge asked an unwilling witness: “ AVhat was in the barrel you had?” The reply was: “AVell, your Honor, it was marked ‘whisky’ on one end of the barrel and * Pat Duffy ’ on the other, so tfiat I can’t say whether it was whisky or Pat Duffy was in the barrel, being as I am on my oath.” Old Mining Camps. [Eureka Sentinel.] An old mining camp in the growing hours of dusk has an air of the most peaceful acquiescence with the ways of Providence. There- is nothing else like it in the universe. The sleepiest fisher village which ever clung to black cliffs above the lazy breakers and the white shore will rouse when shoals of herring fill the bay, or when the winter storms come with their wild rage bearing some doomed ship on the foaming rocks; the sleepiest village of the valley grows, though slowly, by increase in the value of lands, and the drift of improvements in the community. But the old min ing camp is a mystery to the thoughtful inquirer. If a man moves away, there his house stands and rots into a pile of kindling-wood. Yonder was a pretty garden on the slope, but the progress of the mines has cut the water clitches, which, now cannot reach it, and so it is neglected and barren. Here is a build ing-solid brick walls, iron shutters, door which would withstand a seige; it was a bank once, where exchanges could be had on London, Hamburg and all tlie great centers of trade; now it is plas tered over with red paper signs and oc cupied by a score of narrow-lidded, yel low Chinese. Yet there are quiet, shaded cottages and the most lovely of homes in almost every one of these old mining camps. Take a little turn apart from the decaying business center of the town, and you will find wliat would de light the most care-hardened traveler. Quiet men sitting on the doorsteps and watching that last quiver of sunlight in the pines which is so eternally new and glorious; fair women, in summer gar ments of white, standing by fragrant pillars of roses; chubby-faced children, full of healthy merriment, slipping in and out among the trees, or playing on the terraced bit of grass plot beside the grape trellis. Ah! we have at last found out the charm of many a mountain town which cynical tourists delight to deny. There are abiding places and homes of men here, also, eve# as in the fairest of valleys. • Make Haste to Grow Rich. Commenting on the evidences of re renewed prosperity, which it thinks the country does not more than half appre ciate, the New York Herald closes a very sensible article with the following con servative advice: “ Whoever has managed to lay by a little money has now the opportunity to fling it away in speculation. On every hand citizens are invited to become sud denly wealthy by putting their means in mining and other speculative ventures. We advise everybody to steer clear of such things. There is, no doubt, money to be made in mines, but it will be pocketed not by the credoulous public, but by the gentlemen who dispose of stock to A, B and C as a special favor. The public never gets rich by gambl ing. The haste to be rich brought sor row and suffering to hundreds of thou sands in the past ten years, and plunged the country into the dreary abyss out of which it is just now emerging. Another such fever of speculation would send us to a yet lower deep, and leave us there to flounder. “ There is still an abundance of legiti mate and safe securities in which men can invest their means with a cer tainty of a moderate but constant ror turn. There will presently be an in creasing number of legitimate new entei prises, many of which, resting for their value on real services to the country, will also be safe. There is land, farming and city real estate, both now low in price, alid the last to feel the impetus of a rise; judicious and careful investments in real estate at present prices are pretty certain to bring handsome profits by and by. All these are real tilings—not fan cies. They are property sure to rise in value with the growth of Hie dtintry, and having a substantive vlmielßey are safe for investors. But we counsel and urge everybody to avoid fancy and wild cat investments promising large divi dends and sudden fortunes. There is nothing in them but loss.” Not in the Bills. The Omaha Herald gives this decsrip tion of a decidedly animated scene which, though not on the house bills, was en acted on the stage at Denver, Colorado, not a great while ago: “ The play was Buffalo Bill’s. There are several ‘pic tures ’ as the profession terms them— tableaux, the spectators call them — during the play. One of these is the Mountain Meadow massacre, which is il luminated and intensified by all the glory and glare of red and blue lire. Some one surreptitiously mingled a quan tity of red pepper with the material for producing tinted flame, and the result was somewhat surprising, and created consternation among the temporary corpses. The mixture, instead of burn ing with serene halo, went on a tear, sputtered, flashed, splashed, sparkled, hissed, crackled and flew in fiery, blis tering showers over the hands and faces c>f the boys who held the pans, and over those of the dead, whose vitality was re stored in a miraculously natural manner. One of the murdered women, who lay prone upon her back with her head hor ribly gashed and a yawning bleeding slit across her beautiful throat —dead as a door nail —was svflashed, and revived with startling sudc®ness. She howled, groaned, and flopped over, exclaiming: ‘Oh! Oh! My God! My eyes are burned out! I’ll die!’ Other corpses writhed, rolled, flupped, howled, and groaned. An immoderate amount of profanity bubbled from resurrected lips, and resur rected lungs poured out vast volumes of hard, hoarse coughs as the curtain cut the sight from the auditorium. (Several of die stage people suffered many small, blisters, but none were seriously i k " TERMS : SI.OO prAnnum. In Advnc. NUMBER 50. Clipped Paragraphs. A foot note—Sole. The wasp is a stem-winder. Curs to mankind— The dog-days. Bred on the waters —Mosquitoes. Cole steal — Hooking a lump of ice. Cottoxades a man to dress cheaply. Sighed tracks—Wrinkles on the fore head. Absolutely false—A set of artificial teeth. A dyixg bequest is almost a dead give away. Book-keeping in one lesson — Never lend them. • A fixed fact—One that gets in a woman’s head. The length of a lady’s train should never be under a foot. “ His profession! What is his prosea eion?” “ Madame, he pedals music.” Why is anything that is unsuitable like a dumb person? Because it won’t answer. Ax Erie girl calls her fellow, who is a member of the Michigan crew, her even ing’s tar. Editors get one important item of subsistence at a low price—they get bored for nothing. “ I am like a calendar,” said a cheerful old man of four score; “ my days are all numbered.” “Most people neglect the eye,” says a writer. Prize-fighters don’t. They always go right for it. Why are good resolutions like a squal ling babe at church? Because they should be carried out. A lady joking about her nose, said: “I had nothing to do shaping it.” It was a birthday present. It is hoped that the uninitiated do not think that the quoins used by print ers are made of gold or silver —they are only wood. Although man is the only animal that can be induced to drink liquor, beef occasionally gets corned.— Philadelphia Chronicle-Herald. The young man who wrote and asked his girl to accept a “ bucket” of flowers, became a little pale when she said she wooden ware it. Ax exchange says that the individual who “ stole a march,” has been put in the same cell with “procrastination,, the thief of time.” She was plump and beautiful, and he was wildly fond of her. She hated him, but, woman-like, she tried to catch him. And yet what was he?—A flea„ N A Virginia judge holds that a hus band cannot be slandered by his wife. They are one in the eyes of the law, and she has a right to slander either half. "Have I not my son,” said an indul gent father, “given you every advan tage?” “ O yes, but I couldn’t think of taking advantage of you, father,” replied the young scapegrace. “ What quantities of dried grasses you keep here, Miss Stebbins? Nice room for a donkey to get into?” “ Make your self at home,” she responded, with sweet gravity. Under her window he sang of the stars, And likened them to her eyes. Miles away she sped on the ears, With the tinner wlio’d won the prize. It is a mournful comment on human vanity to see the mourners looking back on turning a corner, to ee if the length of the procession is worthy of the corpse. —Saturday Night. It ij singular that men will go playing sweet to other men’s wives, when there are so many billions of accomplishes spinsters only waiting to conjugate the verb “ amo, ainavi,” in Massachusetts. “ Professor, the carriage is ready,” cried a porter, protruding his head through a hotel office door in Boston. Thirty-seven men instantly jumped to their feet and bowed.— Oil City Derrick. Lord Holland told of a man ternark able for absence of mind, \vho, dining once at some sort of shabby repast, fancied himself in his own house, and began to apologize for the wretchedness of the dinner. “ You seem sad and dejected to-night, Claude, dear.” “Yes, darling; men of my emotional nature are easily affected either by the smiles or frowns of fortune.” His washerwoman had discharged him.— Andrews’ Bazar. The Boston Transcript wants a per sonal pronoun of a common gender, and the Post suggests Drmarywalker. This will be apt to engender trouble between “ He, she, it and the Postman.”— N. Y. Commercial Advertiser. “ The milis of the gods grind slowly.” This is all because the hands are paid by the day. Will the gods never learn that it is to their interest to let out work by contract?— St. Louis Republican. Oxe reason why men restore lost wal lets to their owners is because they were seen to pick them up. A dark night and a fat wallet would have given even old Ben Franklin a close shave. The best burglar alarm is to have' a marriageable young lady in the house. When the burglar comes along that way he sees a dim light in the parlor; and he’s human. He wouldn’t disturb the sentimental symphony that’s going on within. It’s booty—not beauty—that he’s after. Mormonism received something of a check a month ago in northeast Georg- : A by the killing of one of the saint j > or bishops, sent there to gather i* disci ples. Now the disease has brM en 011 1 in Clay and Carolina. the people there have tako~ lC * 111 band the most decided .manner, ordering the preachers to leave for Salt Lake within thirty days.