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T. J, LUMPKIN, Editor and Proprietor. VOLUME 11. Horace Greeley's daughters have an offer of SIO,OOO for the tract of land in Virginia, once supposed to be aluu* worthless, for which the great journalist paid SIO,OOO. The largest block of granite ever quarried in New England, has beggi taken out at Woodbury,* Vermont, ft was 230 feet long, 13 to 18 feet deep, 15 feet wide, weighed 4,080 tons, and re fpiired 673 wedges with 50 pounds of powder to start iL i • irv . _ s The South will raise this Veflr about s,ooo,ooobales of cotton, 200,0i)0 hogs /leads of sugar, and very nearly 600,J 000,000 pounds of tobacco. This will be a half million more bajes qf cotton, twice as much sugar, and 12,00*0,000 more pounds of tobacco than she ever raised before. The owners of the Great Eastern have at last determined to convert the great ship into a meat-carying trader between London and Texas. The requisite alter ations, which include new boilers, wil involve an outlay of £100,000; but as the vessel can carry 2,000 head of cattle or 36,000 sheep the speculation should prove remunerative. , , According to Signor Florelli, the superintendent of the excavations at Pompeii, the complete excavation of that ancient city will take some seventy years or more, and will cost about $1,000,000. A yearly subvention of sixty thousand francs is voted by the state while about half that sum is’annually realized from the money paid by visitors on entering. The erection of the colossal head of Liberty’ designed by Bertholdi for the New York roadstead is making rapid pro gress at the back of the Palais de l’ln dustrie, and the public will shortly be aide to visit its interior. Thanks to the success of the Franco-American lottery, the whole of the monument will be com pleted in loss than two years, and, before its departure for its transatlantic destin ation will lie put together temporarily for inspection by the Parisians. The height of the monument, it may be remarked, will be about that of the Vendome Col ” limn. The Mexican volcano Orizaba, 17,300 feet above the sea level, has been ascended by M. Athalza, a resident in Pueblo. Thirteen persons accompanied him, one of whom died at the top from rarefac tion of the air, and another a few days afterward from erysipelas, caused by the reflection of the sun on the snow. Sev eral thousands steps had to be cut in the snow to gain the summit, and the expe dition occupied four days, one of which was a blank owing to rain and snow. Baron Muller,' in 1859 first made the ascent, andjie has'had very few succes. sors. The infiltration system of salting beef by filling the blood vessels with brine is attracting considerable attention in Aus tralia, In some recent experiments at Brisbane bullocks were treated as follows: At the instant ofj killing the animal’s heart was laid bare and incisions were made in both ventricles. Into the orifice of the left ventricle a pipe was inserted, and a stream of weak brine was forced through the blood vessels, washing out all the blood. Pressure was obtained by having the brine in an elevated tank. Af ter the expulsion of the blood the right ventricle was closed by a clamp, and stronger brine was forced in until all the blood vessels were full. In this way the distribution of the briue through every part of the meat is said to be complete and the curing perfect. It is proposed to send to the Sydney Exhibition a whole bullock thtis preserved France is a happy country. While every other nation in Europe is bemoan ing over deficits and financial difficulties, her revenue is pouring in and exceeding the estimates by large sums. The returns for the month of Septendier have just been made up, an>l they show that the receipts exceed the estimates by 14,000,. 000 francs. The total sum received dur ing the first nine months of the present year exceeds the estimates by 108,000,- 000 francs. So that, if France continues to progress financially during the next quarter of 1879 in the same ratio as site has done during the past three quarters, at the end site will find herself the pos sessor oi a surplus of between $20,000,- 000 and $30,000,000 —a sum nearly as large as the deficit which Lord Beacons field’s government have created for their successors to wipe ofl". Fortune, never tired of favoring the fliide (County (Cnzettc. Irish, hat bestowed upon them another distinction. In the hands of one of their ra£e is at last the largest diamond. One Mn‘O’Flaherty has found, we are told, at the Cape Fields, no tiny gem, but a huge mass of brightness weighing one hundred and fifty carats, and promising jjo boa very mineof wealth. The largest every |anwn before when cut proved only to weigh one hundred ay(l eighteen and a half carats; the KonM-rtoor does not boast of more than two-thirds that irishman, whose claim is, it seems, m the very middle of the diamond mud, hhs3 vj-ilietTy’ -lifted this largs and brillartt rionc front tire eartli and. tqYeu it down to the Cape. jHe is said to have three courses open to.him— he can dispose of it at once to speculators on tie spot; or, bringing it to England, lie onto sell it to be cut; or he may have it cut at his own expense, and take -his chntree-of a colossal fortune or compara tively-little. hOUTHEBN NEWS ITEMS. P~ - > They tre praying for rain in northern and northwestern Texas. Potatoes weighing four ;uyl a quarter pounds are common in Georgia. An extehsivd VeVlyal -ft iri progress in the.Jjfethydist Church at Brinvnsvilly,/j'enn. Ex-Gov. James D. Porter is iooming up again in Tennessee as a probable Demo cratic candidate for governor. The rice crop of South Carolina for the year is estimated at 44,000' tierces, and that of Georgia at 26,000 tierces. Wild tea grows in abundance lin Arkansas county, Arkansas, und the people will discard the Chinese article. The Arkansas Gazette proclaims that there is no yellow fever in Little Hock and that there has been none there this season. The re-union of Gen. Cook’s Georgia brigade, during the Geogia State fair, is all the talk with all the veterans of that com mand. For the week ending the 9th there were 4,267 bales of cotton received at Selma, Ala., against 5,203 bales received the same week last year. The Kaufman (Tex.) Times says that fiftv-six public free schools have been organ ized in that county for the present year, edu cating 1,943 children. Tin- Wilmington (N. G.) Star calls up on the h:gi.-]i*uire of the SLUe to puss an aer Tor tile enconfagerncut in Sheep rais ing. which can he mademostprotitable there. Texas owes $5,200,000, of.which $1,600,- 000 belongs to the school fund, and is in bonds held in the State Treasury. The inter est on the public debt amounts "to $4000,000 a year. Selma (Ala.) Argus: Mr. IV. D C’hipley has taken charge of the Pensacola and Selma railroad (.formerly Selina and Gulf) as general manager and will have his head quarters in this city. The San Diego Messenger says the small pox is on the decline. Very few cases have developed the past w r eek. ’J he disease is on the decline in other places in Western Texas bordering on tiie Rio Grande. Esquire Martin, of Miuden, La., has held the office of justice of the peace there for thirty-four years, and has never had an appeal taken from a decision made by him. lie is, in fact, a notable pub. func. Knoxville (Tenn.) Tribune: All ad journed meeting of the Tennessee Medical society will be held on the 17th of November, for the purpose of perfecting arrangements for the meeting of the Public Health Associ ation, which occurs in Nashville on the 18th. Memphis Avalanche: Numerous cases of absolute poverty and starvation are brought to notice every day. As an instance of the fact we are informed that about fifty applica tions were made to Dr. Porter yesterday for rations. Memphis Avalanche: It is said that a negro fisherman, after saving a portion of the freight floating by the city from the wrecked steamer Katie Kountz, was forced to “divie” with one of the river pickets to avoid arrest. A case for military investigation. Seventy-four pupils are educated at the Sam Houston Normal School at Huntsville, Texas, free of charge, to become teachers in the public schools. The Legislature has ap propriated $14,000 for this purpose, and the Peabody fund gives $6,000 more,making $20,- 000 a year for this great and beneficent work. Petersburg Index-Appeal: Mr. Hugh Stuart, whose efforts in England and Ire land in behalf of the immigration to the val ley last spring are well remembered, has sold seventy-five acres of his farm, near Staunton, to Mr. 11. D. de Bruyn, of Russia, at $47.50 per acre. Clarksville (Tenn.) Tobacco Leaf: The scholastic population of the entire State, as reported, is 448,917, and the total amount of school money is apportioned is $71,924.14. the warrants for this fund will not he issued until January 1, at which time the interest matures. The warrants will also be cashed at that time. Tennessee expends annually 699,513. Columbus (Ga.) Enquirer-Sun: We mentioned yesterday that the Georgia Legis lature had reduced taxation about 339,000 dollars in two years in the aggregate. We misunderstood. That amount is the saving of only one fiscal year. For the two which are provided for the amount will he double that sum. It pays to have such GenerahAs semblies. The Georgia Legislature was in session 150 days, and the expenditure amounted to ovir one hundred and fifty thousand dollar* In the House, 1,029 bills were introduced, sno in the Senate 219. Over 300 resolutions were likewise introduced. Of the 1,248 hills, not over 148 were, passed, leaving 900 consigned to the waste-basket. Of the 900, fully 609 were killed on the second reading. Baltimore Sun : The total armed and equipped infantry force of Maryland is not over 830 men. <>i' these the Fifth Regiment infantry, 525 men, is in Baltimore city, two infantry companies in Baltimore county, 145 men; one in Anne Arundel, sixty-five "men; one in Cecil, sixty men, and one in Queen Anne’s county, sixty-four men. There is besides a cavalry force of about 200 men, one company being each in Baltimore City, Worcester, Hartford and Anne Arundel counties. New"< fi'lcans Democrat: Probably at no time since the war lias there been a great RISING FAWN, DADE COUNTY, GEORGIA. THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6. 1879. “ Faithful to the Right, fearless Against the Wrong.” er Remand in this city for skilled labor than at present. House carpenters, painters, brick masons, cistern makers, slaters, and, indeed, competent workmen in all the trades are in demand. In every portion of the city old buildings are being renovated and improved and new building* are being erected. In every district the work of repairing is going oti with ah eukrgyaHu activity which recall the preparation of ante-bellum days for our fall trade. Gainesville (Fla.) Sun: We notice litre a eommon practice of selling And ship ping cotton seed. This is sending out of the country one of the best" enriehers of the soil, Every bushel not used for seed should be spread upon Ut farming lands its a fertilizer. With a liberal use of cotton seed on ordinary land, the enhancement of its productive ca pacity will be The best lands can be improved and the poorest lands can be made tdd#astouishingly. AV T c advise our farm ers to save their cotton seed and enrich their lands witft fhcni, and try for a harvest next year that will largely make up for the deficit of this. I be i Baldwin and Han cock counties', Ga., is receiving the proper at tention of the authorities. A Sparta tele gram to tlie AugnffiA Ghronicle says: The people ol Hancock are determined to protect white and black from outrage, and our able and fearless Judge, *l3. 11. Pottle, is deter mined to assert tiie majqsty qf the law throughout his circuit. Rest assured, the people of Hancock are fully aroused in the cause of law* and right. To go into- further particulars might defeat the end which every good eitizefe wishe* to see attained. There are not more than a dozen men jn tha band and the troYihle is personal, not political. The most recent frrtits of Southern in ventive genius have received letters patent ae follow*: Louisiana, G. Jacquet & Cos:, NetV Orleans, trade mark for smoking and chew ing tobacco, '‘Currency;” Alfred W. J. Mason, New Orleaus, .construction of privy and other vaults; J. Auguste Leßlanc, New Orleans, rain water cut-off. Florida—S. S. Meyer, Hawlrinsville, fruit gatherer; Toledo &. Bai raneo, Key West, trade mark for cigars, i “Progress ” Tex^s— H. K. Neeflhan, Dengson City, post hole diggers; A. Tv. Lee, Galveston, reissue, profess of redudug aspbaltum to a liquid. Spanish patent—Alejandro P. DePo lailura, New Orleans, curing tobacco. IVilnyugtqn, (N. G.lijtor: As .North. Carolina is, for the present, committed to the policy of pardoning criminals through the Chief Executive, there is one change that might be made, and probably with satisfacto ry results. A law might be passed that, in trials of murder, whenever a recommenda tion of mercy is made by the jury, this shall commute the sentence of the court to impris onment for life in the penitentiary. Years ago J udge Hall, of Georgia, drew a bill of this kind. It was passed by the legislature. During the last session a great ciamor was mßile to repeal it, but in vain. It is claimed by Ihose that have watched its workings that it is an excellent law and is beneficial. Charlotte, (N. C.) Democrat: The col ot m' flu-L. protracted meet ings in the eastern counties, imiv n mode of worship on of raising money. They call it “storming Jericho,” They form a ring and walk around a table at which the Bishop sits. As they march, singing and slioutine, they have to put money in his hat. When they go round for the seventh time a horn is blown, and at this signal they all fall down and lie as if dead, when at another given sig nal they all rise and go through the same cer emony. The latter part is called the “Wow ing oi' Gabriel’s horn,” or the Sudgment day. In this part of the state they have “holy walks” and “cake walks,” and enjoy them seives generally in a “highfalutin” manner, sometimes to tiie annoyance of persons who want to sleep. Concerning the proposed Florida ship canal. Mr. Aspinwall, who represents the French capitalists interested in the work, says: “All that is wanted now is a charter from the legislature, the difficulty in this respeet lying in the fact that the Florida leg islature does not meet until January, 1881. They ask, therefore, that the Governor shall call an extra session of the legislature, Gov ernor Drew is now in New York, and on be ing questioned on the subject said that his people were in favor of the canal, and if the report which the engineers have now gone over to Paris to make to their principals is satisfactory—which he will know in a few davs—and if it be shown to •him that the money will be forthcoming, he will call an extra session of the legislature to consider the grant of the charter. j MISCELLANEOUS. r The dowry of the future queen of Bpain has been paid into the National Bank at Vienna. The sum is 20,000,000f, 0rj54,000,- 000. The oldest minister in New England, Rev. Dr. Moses, of Portsmouth, N. H., has pleached sixty-five years. He is ninety-six years old. Hon. Peleg Sprague, of Maine, the old est living congressman, is now eighty-five years old, and entirely blind. He served his first term in 1825-27. Senator Thurman, of Ohio, is by birth a Virginian. He was elected to the senate ten years ago as successor of Ben Wade, and is now sixty-six years of age. His term ex pires in March 1881. In anew melodrama at theSurry Thea ter, London, a Thames boatmai rows into sight and uncovers a man pained to repre sent a corpse just taken from tie river. The audience goes wild delight. The English think of ighting the mouth of the Thames with theelectrio light. Two buoys lighted with gas at present make the night entrance to that rive:sate. At no former period lnu the lottery been so nourishing in Borne, wiere there are no fewer than eghty-nine >ffives ready to take in the hard earned pitanees of the people. No where else is tin institution so demoralizing as among the Renans, who are wedded to old games, and wio, in order to play at the “lotto,” will sell.th last mattress oft' their beds, the shirt off heir backs, or starve, beg, steal or stab. If a person swallows an poißon what ever, or has fallen into eo.vulsions from having overloaded the somach, an in stantaneous remedy, most efficient and applicable in a large nmnbr of cases, is a heaping tcaspoonful ofcommon salt and as much ground mstard, stirred rapidly in a teaenpful o water, warm or cola, and swallowed intantly. It is scarcely down before it bgins to come up, bringing with it the imaining con tents of the stomach; an lest there be any remnant of the pson, however small, let the white of a egg or a tea spoonful of strong coffee b swallowed as soon as the stomach is uiet, because these very common artiles nullify a large number of virulent >oisons. SMOKING AND THE TEETH. An Fngllah Sciential Think* that tha Latter are Benefited by the Habit. At a recent meeting of the Odontologi cai Society of Great Britain, Mr. Hep burn read a paper on the result of his investigations on the subject of the ef fect of smoking on the teeth. He con siders that the direct action of nicotine Xn the teeth is decidedly beneficial. alkalinity of the smoke must neces sarily neutralize any acid secretion which may be present in the oral cavity, and the antiseptic property of the nico tine tends to arrest putrefactive changes in carious cavities. In addition, he is inclined to believe that the dark deposit on the teeth of some habitual smokers is lately composed of the carbon with which tobacco smoke is impregnated. It Is this carbon which is deposited on the back part of the throat and lining membrane of the bronchial tubes, and w*th whatever disastrous effect it may act in these situations, he thinks we are justified, from what we know of its anti septic properties, in concluding that its action upon the teeth must be beneficial. Moreover, this deposit takes place ex actly in those positions where caries are most likely to arise and on those sur faces of the teeth which escape the or dinary cleansing action of tne brush. It is found mterstitially in all minute depressions, and filling the fissures on tiie coronal surfaces. It may be re moved with scaling instruments frbm the surface of the enamel, but where it is deposited on dentine this structure be comes impregnated and stained. In deed, it is only when the enamel is faulty, and there is access to the dentine, uiut any true discoloration of the tooth takes place; but it is remarkable, he says, how the stain will penetrate even through minute cracks, provided the necessary attention to cleanliness be not exercised. Thevstaining power of to bacco oil may be seen when a deposit has taken place on the porous surface of tartar collected on the posterior surface of the inferior incisors. In this situa tion a shiny ebony appearance is occa sionally produced. That tobacco is oapable of allaying, to some extent, the Jain of toothache, is, he thinks, true, its fleet being due not only to its nar cotizing power, but also to its direct ac tion upon the exposed nerve; and he is inclined to attribute the fact of the comparatively rare occurrence of the toothache amongst sailors, in great meas ure, to their habit of chewing. He has been struck, in the case two smokers whoJKve come un der his notice, by tliApparent ten _ dency which exists toward the gradual production- of complete necrosis of carious teeth, and the various stages of death of thn pulp, and death of the per iosteum tilling place without pain or discomfort to the patient. This condi tion may, of course, be brought about by a variety confluences; but in these special cases he *Liclined to think that the presence of nllotine in the mouth has actecl jmwerfully. The experience of other speakers, in the subsequent discussion, alpeared to corroborate that of Mr. Hepburn. Tlic Romance of Penny Postage. [Kw Tork Pott.j It is strange, but true, that a love af fair should have developed the present system of postage stamps. But “iove rules the camp, the court, the bar,” and why not the post office? Sir, Rowland Hill, whose death was announced re cently, when on one of his philanthropic and discovery tours through England, stopped one evening at a north country inn. While sitting with other travelers warming himself at the kitchen fire, the postman brought in the mail. Among othei persons who received a letter was a kitchen lassie. She took the letter from the carrier, turned it over and over in her hands, looking wistfully at it all the time, and at last handed it back to the postman, remarking: “I have no money to pay the postage on a letter from India.” Rowland Hill stepped for ward and said: “ I will pay the postage rather than have you deprived of the pleasure of a letter,” and handed her the required sum, which she received with evident gratitude and surprise. After she left the kitchen another traveler said: “That is her game; she knew all that was in that letter from certain marks that was on the outside. It was from a sweetheart in India, and before he went off they agreed upon some sign by which she was to learn if he was well, prosperous and when coming home, and when a letter is brought to her she ex amines the outside and knows all that she w r ants to, but makes that excuse in re turning it. Mr. Hill went in search of the girl and by adroit questioning, found his fellow traveler’s guess to be correct. The girl also show ed him how she deciphered the signs, telling him at the same time that she was too poor to pay the post age, and that was the reason she and hef lover had agreed upon this plan. From these facts Mr. Hilt inferred that the Government must annually be de frauded by such artifices of large sums, and he began planning a system of stamps which would secure to the Gov ernment a certain postal revenue. The present postal system is the result. Missouri's Educational Interests. Missouri has 8,092 school-houses, or an average of 71 to the county. The at tendance upon these schools amounts to 448,033. tier school property is valued at $8,321*,390, and her School Fund at $7,278.04(5.80. She has forty-nine col leges and seminaries, five Normal Schools, and she spends annually $3,424,408.55 t 4 pay and maintain an army of teachers numbering 11,208. Those who’ work can take care of themselves. A kind Providence must provide for loafers. Aji Arkansas Romance. About twenty miles from Waldron there lives an old man named Wayne. Aside from a hale,, old-style wife, there belongs to the family a beautiful girl i namea Lulu. A few months ago, while the old man and lady were away from home, a young Indian named \Vambo called at the house and asked for a drink of water. Lhht invited him into the house, where he remained in conversa sation for some time after he had re ceived the aqueous fluid. The Indian had been well educated, and his hand some face and manly form bnmediately awakened witjiin Lulu’s bosom a senti mental interest, while Wambo, was pierced, as thoHgb by an arrow of his ancient fathers, with a thrill of love. He pressed the maiden’s liana when he left, and said that he would return. True to his promise, he returned on the following Sunday. The old lady and gentleman had gone to church. Another conversa tion ensued, and when the young Indian left he pressed the maiden’s hand with even more ardor than had characterized his first visit. This time he did not leave without remarking that he would return. A week elapsed before the girl saw him again. This time the old peo- Ele were at home, and, though thte girl ad not spoken to her parents in regard to the Indian, a suspicion was immedi ately awakened. However, the Indian and the girl spoke to each other senti mentally ; so much so that an engage ment of marriage was the result, the young Indian promising to come after the girl on the following night. The girl knew that her father would be bit terly opposed to the union, and warned her lover. -Next night, while the moon was shining, while the foliage was wav ing, the feet of the Indian brushed the dew from the grass. On his shoulder he bore a light ladder. Placing the ladder on the ground, he ascended to a window and peered into a room. In another in stant ho was tumbling to the ground. The old gentleman had discovered the plot, and, arming liinqydf with a club, stood in the window. The slndian was not very badly hurt, and he had not more than gained his feet when the girl rushed from a down-stairs room and joined him. Then the two began a flight through the woods, among the bushes, over the rocks. Afraid to shoot, the old man ran as rapidly as his long-used legs would allow him. In attempting to climb a ledge of rocks the young lauy’s dress caught and held her fast. In trembling haste her lover tried to disen gage her, but the old gentleman was upbn tnem. “If you love me, leave!”said the girl. The Indian dashed away, and in an other moment the girl’s father stood be side her. She was marched back home. She is still there, but the young Indian, by no means slow, may make an out break at any moment. Imports and Exports. A special from Washington says: “The Bureau of Statistics lias received all the reports from Collectors of Cus toms concerning the imports and exports of the last fiscal year, ending June 30, 1879, which show the balance of trade in favor of the United States to be nearly $265,000,000, as against $257,000,- 000 the previous year. The total value of exports were $710,000,000, and im ports $445,000,000. Nearly $5,000,000 more of coin and bullion was exported last year than imported. For the first nine months the imports were greater than the exports, hut in the last three months the exports have increased very largely, turning the balance. There was more sugar imported than any other sin gle article of merchandise, although the amount was over two millions less than the previous year. The next article in amount of importation was coffee, which also fell oft’ about two million dollars’ worth. Imports of tjm fjftofftwoper cent, during the year, nut tP imports of fancy articles, silks, diamonds and other luxuries increased. The imports of fancy china and earthenware also increased largely. The largest in-, crease in exportation was of wheat, which went up from $96,000,000 in 1878 to $130,000,000 in 1879. The exports of wheat flour increased ten per cent., horned cattle about sixty per ur.i. i: n about thirty-three percent., and tobacco about ten per cent. The exports of pro visions were about the same,'but the ex ports of cotton and oil fell off.” A Conceited Lover Jilted. I Lonoke (Ark.) Democrat.] Tuesday morning, Mr. W. D. Bowers obtained a license to marry Miss Leonora E. Powell; later in the day, Mr. J. T. Allison applied for and secured a license to marry the same young lady. He was informed that the first license had been issued, and it is said that he left in hot haste for the house of his expected bride. We have not yet heard which one was made happy. The young lady referred to- -Miss Leonora E. Powell - is the second daugh ter of B. C. Powell, who lives some four miles southeast of Austin, is a rather fascinating lady, was somewhat of a belle, but was never thought to be a co quette. But the young gent who arrived just one hour too late, no doubt flunks she would come under that head. It seems that the one she didn’t marry, liad more than made his boast that no woman in Pnerica could “jilt” him. .So the fair Leonora put her wits together to undeceive the young gent, they being engaged at the time. She had but recently formed the acquaintance of the gentleman she subsequently married; and as he had made a proposal of mar riage, she determined to accept bis propo sition at their next interview, which -be did, appointing the same day on which she was to have been led to the altar by her first loves —but one hour earlier for the ceremony to be performed. TERMS sr.oo |serAnnum, in Advance, NUMBER I. A DRAMA IN THRKK ACTS. This SimiU Jl Wesson pistol suit*; Here, shopman, lake your pay; I'll always keep it, ir, at home; 'Tis handy, aa yon say. ACT 11. “ O Johnny, here’s pa’s little guni Let’s play to war we 30: ' You be the Rebel—halt, nr I— banal ’Twas loaded l. Oh dear 1 oht” ACT 111. My friends, the way* of Providence Are past our finite ken; The Lord doth give, doth take away. We bless his name. Amen.* •The reader will notice that the pistol has no plaee hs this act. WAIFS AND WHIMS. Rifle practice—picking pockets. A colored sentinel is a blackguard. The barometer isa great storms center. The peel of the first belle was a fig leaf. Light literature—a bank book w’th do balance. is nothing quite so rash as the measles. The plum harvest is at hand and the plumbers are having full crops. Why is a glass of fresh lager like & mad dog? Because it froths at the mouth. Lb is all very well to talk about “plow ing the water,” but they often use hose fpr water. i f q It is strange, wonderfully strange, that a cup of tea was never yet spilled ou a dirty table-cloth. “ I’ll join you presently,” said a min ister to a young couple, as ho went for the thurch key. *, A .'girl went back on her bow-legged beau because she didn’t like to walta in brackets. The joker who intimated that he had some “nuts to crack,” must have meant jest nuts. THEY don’t call them “ soft” young men now; the distressfully polite thing is tosay, “ They are the down of society. ’Tis passing strange that amid all the mistakes of tiie world, nobody ever passed a quarter for a twenty-cent piece. A Philadelphia barber refused to color Bob ingersoll’s mustache, on the pica that it never should be said of him “ that he dyed an infidel.” When his wife asks him for a dollar or two for current demands, he smiles sweetly and 6ays, “True love, darling, seeks no change.” We believe that if an angel should call into the sanctum of the average scissors fiend, that he would clip its wings and pass them off as his own. You might as well back a mule up against a beehive and tell him not to kick, as to tell a woman about a wedding and not set her under jaw in motion. A man who had a pig to sell led it into market, “ Because,” he said, “ a lead pig was heavier than the flesh and blood kind.”*' The proper form for a will nowdays will read: “To the respective attorneys of my children I give my entire estate and worldly goods of all description. Personally to the children and to my beloved wife I give all that remains.” Edison has not patented it yet, but people are traveling from Boston to New York by telephone—at least they come by sound. “What is heaven’s best gift toman?” asked a young lady on Sunday night, smiling sweetly on her male companion. “ A boss,” replied the young man, with prudence. Experience teaches many things, prominent among which, to a man, is that it is safer to run your chance with a balky mule than to dictate to s woman on wash-day. While Charles Harris, of Texas, was being hanged, a very large crowd sang “ Sweet By-and-By. Mr. Harris’s last words were, “ For heaven’s sake swing me off! I ought to have been out of this two hours ago.” MissMadeup Oldgal: “ Yes, I love the old oak; it is associated with so many hours spent beneath its shade. It carries me back to my childhood, when —when” Young Foodie: “ When you —er —planted it?” The Rev. Mr. was once called upon to marry a man to his fourth wife. As he approached the couple he said: “ Please to rise.”* The man wiggled about in his chair a moment and finally spoke: “ We’ve usually sot!” The young girl who sings for company in the front parlor, “ You must wake, and call me early, mother dear,” is the creature who expects her mother to make the fire, get the milk, and bring her breakfast up to her room. “ Yes, mamma, I took three lumps of sugar out of thecupboard,”savs the little* girl, contritely. “That was very naughty indeed; but as you have confessed it, I shall forgive you. Go and sin no more.” “Then give me the other lump—l only took two.” Skirts are to be gathered to the waist this winter, says tne fashion journals. Hevinas! are we going to have mud waist deep! —[Miss Addie Boyd. No, no, that means the waist of the youug men, and includes the youug woman in the skirt. Hf. had jus! landed from a three years’ whaling voyage, and overcome by his joyful reception, found himself before the police court “ Your honor,” he said, plaintively, “I’m a simple sailor, lowly born.” “ Thirty days for the drunk, gix months for ‘ Pinafore,’ ” was the ringing sentence; and the poor tar, bewildered, was dragged to his dungeon cell, and deprived of telephonic com munication.