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LUMPKIN &. JORDAN, Editors and Proprietors VOLUME 11. _ln financial circles abroad the fol lowing classification is made of the finan i -ial condition of three States: Chili is |f“)or, has few debts and pays promptly. Peru, notwithstanding its rich mines, is poor, with a big debt, which it promises to pay but never does. Bolivia is also poor, has a large debt, promises nothing and' pays less. ne eminent journalist, Emile do Gi * l,1 > speaking “in the name of three m dons of illegitimates that exist in Prance, and to the number of which e does not conceal the fact that he be -1 ngs,” argues that illegitimacy is an er ror of the law and not a disgrace of the person. He depicts the family of the j:uturc thus: First, the mother, a dow ager, ami adminstering her own fortune irFvirtue of the regime of the separation Oi. goods, which is to become the legal regime of France; second, equality of t-'O children before the mother and be fi a the law. In order to approach this ideal he thinks the institution of divorce '"ust be introduced, but only as a pro visional means. t ■ a . > The country need not be alarmed at the great influx of bills in Congress. Nearly all of them will go quietly to their long sleep in the pigeon holes of tlm committee rooms. Almost every ci. gressman has a number of eonstitu en is who think they have a call to take a nd in national legislation. As the ob nate and. unappreciative people .will not send these amateur law-makers to congress, they have no resource hut to T "'.pare bills embodying their erudite < iceptions and send them to- “our mem r,” -with a request that he present mm. The obliging member complies, nit lias no further interest in the matter. This is why so many unwise measures n v o offered. Jt is a sort of Ventilation * that does no great harm, while it makes many persons happy. _ 1 TIIE night before thanksgiving ail old :o iple in Mercury, Massachusetts, were itc.dby u stranger, whom the mother \t last recognized as her son. More than fteen years before he was with Cushing the exploit against the ram Albemare, id never being heard of afterward, was supposed to have been killed. Ho was struck by a piece of a torpedo, and was taken ashore in the Confederate boats. After his wound was healed he was set at liberty, knowing nothing of his name or home. Finally he took employment with an ex-corffedcrate surgeon, who opened the wound and lifted or trepanned the skull. His condition so improved at the end of a year that his memory re turned and he went home to his thanksgiving dinner as though nothing had happened. Official whippings are continued regularly at Newcastle, Delaware, and arc regarded as a matter of course by the 1 ssidents-, though strangers are sometimes shocked by the sight. On the last whip ping day five convicted thieves were .punished. The first was a German, who was not severely lashed, and he talked away smiling. The next was a miserable tramp, who bore the ordeal without flinching. Two negroes who came next, writhed and muttered under pain of severe blows. The fifth was a Pfeoy of fifteen. He was so frightened •that it was necessary to force him to the post, and at the first blow he desperately freed himself by pulling his hands out of the staples. A handkerchief was used to fasten him, but he got loose again before the prescribed twenty blows were com pleted and pathetically begged the sheriff not to strike so hard.' SOUTHERN NEWS. Six newspapers are published at Bris- Tenn. fid is more plentiful than greenbacks . igusta, Ga. Columbia, S. C., wants to be made a 3ignal service station. •Coal from Richmond county, Ga., is soon to be put upon the market. Some negroes in Lowndes county, Ala., have been arrested for counterfeiting sil ver. Atlanta, Ga., will have a fair for the public library next month, to last a week or -r+oje. a fine lump coal is selling in i He, Tenn., at ten cents per bushel, dtmVred. Fifty locomotives and over five hun dred cars are in use on the AVestern & Atlanta railroad. The question that concerns the south ern planters is: “ Shall we see fifteen cent cotton ?” Dallas, Texas, is crowded with negroes on their way to Kansas, who stop there for supplies. Col. Alfred Rhett has bpen appointed by the governor chief stale constable of South Carolina. pranges sell on the streets of Lake fly, r la., at from fifty cents to one dol lar per hundred. RISING FAWN, HA DK COUNTY, GEORGIA. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 25, 1879. —— Rockdale county, Ga., fias" fflton Tip favor of prohibition,wild becoming- popular in-tile sfcaA*.' • *- 1 Tlie upgmes held a q* Foi-sytll, Ga., Saturday*to-roanar -the feasibility of emigrating .to KaysiM- The state authorities of Tgxe* •riia’f'fp sent out detectives tSNvatch how* lire, bell-punch is mug by wloqrSptef >|r£." .There are already for the position of partment M’ agriculture, q£ WtAa'lftlbn distributed in the streanjs of West Vtr srinia by th<f fish commisricfner of- that* State. McMinville (\Tenn.) New Rra-: Tho celebrated Duektown copper jollies .\Vero sold at public sale a lew US the. sum ofU"o, There were Only live deaths at J;g;k sonville, Fla., duriijg No ve hi tier, ami of that nuuiher was a colored womuy said to bo 12fj years old.. The peanut crop of Vi ruin hi, Tenues*, see and North Carolum-is-estimated af about 1,885,000 lmshcls--aii increase of 500,000 bushels over laeUypar. •~-■ "• " Thirty-five gm’houses have been de stroy cl Ijy./uc in IJHrgiJi. and A-labuma, with an estimated lot-s >n machinely and cotton of soo’,oo Greejiville, S. C., had a disastrous fire property in the building worth $16,500. The, liquor jJefiJelM of G a} vfiston j To aft, who were comnctM of violating the Sun day law, Imre been *hfeed out under the county convict act at tfie rate of two dollars and a half per month. T A H Hr. Edmond -Strudwick, a prominent physician of Hillsboro, N. C., aged sev enty-eight years, accidentally a few drops of belladonna, add died be fore a remedy could lie hail. Near Lexington, Va.,a few days since, a farmer named Gillespie was killed by a negro named Mitchell, Who had brim at- j tending his farm. The arose over the division of the ‘crop. s ' Tlic byard of aldermen of Richmond, Va., has rejected tlie eotiiihit to submit to the voters j>£ that city the question of voting a subscription of $750,- 000 to the proposed James River Valley railroad. The munbei-of Methodist ikurrhqg in Orange -county, Fin., has bccn-iiicioHsed' from seven in 1875, to thii-fy.Ovo in the present year, an average of seven churches a year. Other denominations have also largely increased. Nashville American: An average of forty car-loads of freight arrive here daily over the Evansville railroad. This does not include thirty car-loads.of coal, which are received every day from Southern Kentucky. The bell-punch register has come'to bo regarded in Texas as a mere farce. In Houston one leading saloon which regis tered over 1,300 on the malt register for October, shows onlvnineteen glasses of beer sold during November. Montgomery Advertiser: Another Ala bama lady lias entered tlie field of liiftri-* onics in search of fame and Miss Louise Clarke. She has recently read to delighted audiences in Atlanta, and will soon begin a regular tour of the southern.cities. . • - Lexington (Vn.) Gazette : - The police of this pjaee are .now dressed ii> Ml uni form, in very respect similar -.to that worn by the Philadelphia police. * Their' new overcoats wire mmlo'iu Philadel phia by the contractors who supply the police of that city. A prominent agent at Memphis who! has kept up with the reaction following the exodus furnishes statistics showing that 8,000 persons have returned j'rpm Texas during the nine days endirtgGnn- > day last. A large, pgr cent of this class return to east Tennessee and Virginia. Col. John B. Palmer has resigned the presidency of the Charlotte, Columbia it Augusta railroad, a position he has held for many years. He will he suc ceeded by Associate Justice Haskyll, who retires from the Supreme Court or South Carolina to accept the position. Charleston (S. C.) News: The hjlLto regulate the sale of patent medicines, now before -tlic general .assembly, pro poses to make it unlawful to sell in this state any medicine the combination of which is unknown, unless an accurate formula of the component parts be at tached to it. A young lady at Jackson, Tenm, was entertaining a gentleman friend the other evening, when lie offered her an insult. She at once drew a pistol,* compelled him to kneel on the floor and remain un til her mother cams in and heard the whole affair, aftyj; which she allowed him to sneak off. Galveston (Tex.) News: A, young gentleman of this city had the pleasure of eating an oyster that harbored within its shell eighty-five little pearls. They were exhibited at the News office, and range in size from a mustard seed to a small pea. The oyster came with a ship ment from ludianola. Nearly one million pounds of Jeaf to bacco was seized at New' Orleans a few days since by revenue officials for an al leged violation of the revenue law, in converting leaf tobacco by hydraulic pressure into a form which is believed by the officials to be manufactured to bacco, and therefore Jjable to a tax of sixteen cents per pound. Lyncldiurg (Va.) News: In a suit pending in the corporation court between G. and 8., iff was found noee-sary ta have the deposition of Airs. AT., of 'fyyViie-see. A process was accordingly is.-fued.to “anv commissioner, justice or notary public” to take said deposition. The process y Faithful Ift tkv Iliffht, JbeMrletti J&ainst the Wrotiff.” ‘wa; placed in th& iymds p£ a qcgpp eojw sfetbWwlio piaderne Tolfowrng• return:’ .Mhis Aritpess is sick in bade Chile one Wake ole. —* Miyitgninlry„(Ala.) Advertiser: On i ijdijJhjf last jlm tu|Acmr court'- room wq* ithp.sttim.ofjan event that has never he-* Tore in our state. On that day introduced cijiraftembra 'trPf f.rWm death of ex-Chier Justice E. id ex-Associate Justice Xy u*ah*? s*i*>lis, both of Mobile. It lias Wm hsfox4 Aavuex-judgp of the supreme frTurl was fflwmly anpouuaed ©a Ule.same ijay, • T*433BEs (Ttx.) Herald : The Sahctmca gathering here again, audit ftVh?q>6ro<j that they are holdiligdArk lantfbii! meetings. This fact was brought to: light; byj Mr. William BifeITiTTTTTTr, a prominent ihuLrespectaljlc farmer of Na lifHPSI county* A-dnMig \if the’-cm r in 'siau'di of hi* wile, she having preceded witji the avowed ]nuqJofc of .joining tlie baridt He an old man, and she is rep fesenii|t af oeing a rather young woman. M < jup his ! r : Wc - sold more cot ThursdiF- than any *mevio.iis d#v in ( the fitstory of Memphis. , We have ,noW thedm-gost. itoejt-. pn iuuifl cvyr h4d at one time, and rtTfv' loeeitits a -week ago last Mondaw were n n-eorfi The receipt* of the past usix wftcfcT are' 40,000 baleslaljead of last ye. arc close to i-eceipts of, \vp.f lasj, I when nothing <>b>truewPMME6vVltMp ►of Um staple at jipy'.time during the sea son. Fourteen ) * n Frenchman ,-emei Bosseti-was JirtpifiMMKtt’ at. Rich* | monel, Vn.jfos and soon after made lis escape, kwiviiig - try. He left a wife in Virginia, who, lifter for fecvei'al }_’cars, married airaiiiaifi 1 ! finally married a third timo. (tallya few days since Bos sett appeared in his old nt‘igMxniu>od,tp : flnd.liitdlc living ha yßif>. with smother. Shp was arrested wir Tflgamy at the'in stance of Biisett and now in jail await ing trial, j- * i *{ A Reverse of Fortnue. . When Roberf Stephenson wa^rcsid ing in Columbia and on the point of re turning hoinc, ;|e arrived at of Cartagena, we:-ied And waiting for a vhip, atid while “sitting one day in a targd; bare, comfortless public room of the miserable hotel-nt which he put up, he observed, two stranf ert whom he at seitoived to be English. One of ’the sirangdrs Was Vtatfb gad:it man, shrunken and hoflow-iooking, shabbily dressed, and apparently’poverty-stricken. On making inquiry, he found it was Trevethick, the builder of the first rail way locrimotivc! He was returning home from the gold mines of Peru penni less. He had left England in 1816, with powerful steam-engines, intended for the drainage and working of the Pe ruvian mines/ lie met with almost a royal reception on his landing at Lima. A guard pf honor was appointed to at tend him, and, it, was even proposed to erect a statueot Don Ricardo Trevethick in solid silver. It was given forth in Cornwall that his emoluments amounted to £IOO,OOO a year, and that he was mak ing sr'gfgnn tic fortune-.- Great, there fore* was Robert B:ephenson’s surprise to find this pfltent Ricardo in the inu at tagma, reduced almost to his last ‘shillnTVTTmd unable to proceed farther. He had indeed realized the truth of the Spanish proverb that Vh silver mine brings misery; a gold nSne mi in.” He. amt fife friend had lost everything in tliciv jeufney across tbc & edi nfry from Peru. TlicyJihd forded r-enijpnd Pan dered throng* forests, Jjpving-all their 1 baggage behind them, and had reached thus far with little nrmro"'than the ! clothes on their backs. Almost fyeVnly precious me tab'“saved by Trcv'etiiick was a pair of silver spurs, which.lie took back with him to tMfnvtall. Robert Stephcn rsou lent liinFfSO to Tnable him to reach England; and; though he was afterward heard of as an inventor there, he had no further part in tho triumph of the locomotive. y Building a Church. Brother Gardner stated that he was in receipt of .vapcrsonal letter from a col ored man in Indiana,-asking the club to contribute fiaancial aid to assist him and Tour other colored men in bunding a church. “I favors de church,” ex plained the 'president, “but afore I make any Contribution to de cause, I want to he sartfin that those five culled men can't do all de prayin’ that am necessary right at home. If devCan’t, find fftust have a ckprcli, will dey pay their pew rent? Dat’s de stick. Some men will clan off a doc tab’s bill; some will hang off when dey owe a butcher; oders will w r alk a mile roun to keep away from the grocery what doy got trusted for a codfish; but de sixty y’ars I has put in on dis earf lieV taught me dat de man who am Yeadyto come right down wid pew rent when it am due, hez yet to be born. I know fokses in dis townqwho hav’ been ’ trablin’ to'rds heaven for ffe last twenty, y’ars, prayin’ in a voice loud ’miff to shake de plasterin’ yet in debt to the church for pe w rent lilt dey crji't reckon up de riggers.” . ® Deciding a Bet- There waa a discussion among a party of miners, at Leadville, as to.pliyaicul ef fects of hangiug. Edwards declared that, on a wager of *5, he would permit his compnnions to draw 7 him up from the bottom of a shaft‘by a ; rope tied around his neck. His. belief was that, .by throwing head far back tho pres | sure of the rope would bgwholly on tho back of his neck, and consequently he ffouldj not be choked at all. His calcu lation proved erroneous, for he was nearly dead when he reached the surface, i and it was with great difficulty that his ■ fife was saved. the two mutFi. 1 ' j - BT JULIA DOBH. i Al? We two will t.iul In the shadow here, To st'O t ho hride M she passes by; Ring soft and, low, rfns lend at*! eleer, ife ehlmtftg hells that swing on high! Look! look! ahocomes! The air grow*sweet With the fragrant breath of the orange blooms, And the tlow.-ra she treSds beneath ly.r feet Ule In * fit of rare perfumes 1. Bhe comes! the comes! The happy hells With theh Joyousclamor fill tli§ air, While the prat orAn dies and swells, Scaring to’ rembiing heights of prayer ate her robes of silken sheen, And £' * ‘ ttrl s that gleam on her hoS#m- r low i But, ra: g-sce of her royal mien, ii er Iw. „ gold, ami her cheek's young glow Dainty ml fair ns a folded rase, Freslt ns a violet dewy stVfwf, Chaste as f. lily, site hardly knows - Thr.t thiijt arg rough paths fueuthar_leet. For love ha shielded her; honor kept" Watch be-i<!o her by night and day, And evtl oul from her sight hath crept, r . Trailing jlow length far away. ( - 4 - Now In her perfect womatthfail, Juxell tho wealth of her matoilless charms, and , K-a4 , '‘ul, pur--airljjiaiil, f She weld*hcijiell to her lovers arms. Hark i’itow iuMlant voices ring! I/O I a sU/cl- so M in the shadow here, W hiio us the guy bells swing, I oalcE tl.o gleam of & happy tear! J v The fageart is qver. Como with me " To the other aido of the town, I pray,. * . ? J Ere gods dowu in thodaxlieuing sea, Atal night faljs'around us, chill and gray. Iltlhe dim ehuteh porch an hour ago, We waited the bride’* fair face to See; Now life In sa sadder light to abow, , v -A dark*© picture for you and me. No need toseelofor the- shadow here: Thwe are shadows lurking everywhere; These stre -ts in-the brightest day are drear, And bhwk as the blackness of despair. But t his is the Souse. Take heed, my friend, The stairs aro rAiSO, tho way is dim; And ifp the llights, us we still asdend, CFoep srealthy phantoms dark and grim. * . Enter tUjchanfber.. * Day by day. Alone in this chill and ghostly room, A uiiild—woman—which is it, pray ? '* Despairingly waif? for the Hour of doom! ' Ah! as she wrings her hands so pale, Ng glooui of a' wedding ring you soe; There is ifbthing to tell. You know the tale— God help her new in her misery 1 I dare not judge her. I only know That lore was to her a siu uud a snare, While to the bride of an hour agp It brought all blessings its hands could tsar! I only know that, to one it came Laden with honor, and joy, and peace: Itagiits to the other were woo and shame, And a burning jaih-that shall never cease! I only know that the 9001 of one Has been a pearl in a golden cpte; That of the other a pebble thrown Idly down in a wayside place. Where all day long strange footsteps trod, And the bold, bright sun drahk up thkriew! Yet both were women. O riglitaous God, Thou (pxly canst judge but-gecn tho two! M£UE; THE PAUPER. by r. DcroxT, Durinw the “ Reitffi of Terror’YFfli, France tnere were many deeds of performed, even by women, noble examples of affection exhibited. The very streets of Paris were deluged with human blood, but near the guillo tine it ran in gushiii^orrents. One dark morning an unusual number of the aristocracy .had been marched forth, and countless rolled from th& block. . . A gaping multitude by, and with shouts rent the air as the aristoc racy werq thusbutelmred. ’ Am,,. mbßd multitude that dreary morning, wereMwo females. One of them was plainly "ul, while a cloak was thrown around her, with which she kept her feature* nearly concealed. But a close observation would betray the fact that the woman had been weep ing. ) * - Her eyes were iDflamed and red, and she gazed eagerly upon the platform, while a shudder passed over her frame as each shock of the glittering knife severed the head from the body of some one,,who had been unfortunate enough to fall under the ban of the leaders. The face of the woman was very beau tiful, and she waa young—certainly not more than sixteen or eighteen years of The other female was quite different in character. Her face was fair, but there was a brazen expression about it. She was clad in rags, and as each head fell she would dance, and in various ways express her delight, and then ex claim: “ There falls another aristocrat, who refused me charity when I humbly sued to him?” Each expression of the kind would create a laugh from those who heard her. But any thoughtful person must wonder how one so young could have become so depraved. The first female watched this creature for a few moments, and then, pressing her way to her side, she laid her hand upon the shoulder of the wretch, ana whispered: “ Would you like to become rich at once?” The female in rags turned about with a look of surprise, burst into a loud laugh, and replied: “Of course I would,” “ Follow me, and you shall be.” “ Enough. Lead on.” It was with considerable difficulty th*t the females extricated themselves from the crowd; but they did so at length, and then the first female asked of tli6 other: What shall I call you?” , ** Oh! I’m called Pauper Marie.” “ You live by begging?” Yes; but what’s your name, and what do-you want ?** “ My name is Marie, the same as your own.” “ Are you an aristocrat?” “It does not matter. If you know where we can tind a room lead mo to it, and you shall have gold.” The pauper led the way into a narrow and filthy street, and then down into a cellar, and into a dark and filthy room. The other female could not hut feel a sickening sensation creep over her, but she recovered herself. After contom- plating for a time the apartment and what it contained, she asked: “ Are you well known in Paris?” “ Yes. Everybody knows Marie the .Pauper.”, 4 “ Are yon known to Robespierre! If *o, I want to Tnakc a bargain with you.” “ I am. What do you want?” “ You see my clothing is better than your own, and I wish to exchange with yon., I want you to consent to remain Lere, and not to show yourself at all for a short time, or until I come to you again. As recompense for aiding me I will give you a thousand francs, and when I come back I will give you a thousand more. As security for my re turn take this ring. The lady drew a. diamond ring from her linger and gave it to the pauper. Thefa she* handed her her purse contain ing gold. The girl appeared a little puzzled and asked: “ Well, what arc you going to do with my, dress, “ I want to put it on and go where I first met you.” “ Ob, I understand now. You want to see i/he chopping go on, and you are afraid you will be taken for an aristocrat if you wear that dress. You want to represent.me.” . * r Yes, I want to look as near like you ipj possible.” “ Well, that won’t be very difficult. Your hair and eyes, and even your is like mine. Your face is too white, though. But you can alter that with a little dirt.” They changed dresses, and soon the young, rich and noble Marie de Nantes was clad in the rags of Marie, the Pauper oi Paris. The history of Marie de Nantes was a sad one. Her father and two brothers had fallen victims to tne remorseless fiends of the Revolution, and a third aud last brother had been seized. But vf his xate she was ignorant, although Bhe expected that it would be similar to that of her other relatives. He had been torn from her side but a few before. 4 After the exchange had been made till pauper looked on the stockingless and shoeless feet and ankles of the lady, and said: “That will never do. Your feet are too white and delicate. Let me arrange matters.” Ia few moments Nlario waa pro pa raA and in tlio filth and rags she emerged Cnto the street. She now took her course back toward ;e guillotine and at length reached the square where the bloody work -was still going on. Gradually she forced her way through the crowd, and nearer and nearer she came to the scaffold. She even forced a Laugh at several re marks she heard around her, but those laughs sounded strangely. She now stood within a few feet of the platform. . She swept it with her eyes. Her brother was not there. The cry was now raised: “Here comes another batch.” , Her heart fluttered violently, and she felt a faintness come over her ns she heard the tramp of the doomed men ap proaching. The crowd opened as the body of men passed. Marie gazed among them. A low cry escaped her. Her bother was there. But he walked proudly and fearlessly forward, and ascended tho very steps which led to the block. Up to this time the itrength of poor Marie bad failed her, and she was unable to put her resolve into execution. But now a sister’s love swelled up in her breast, and she recovered her strength. She sprang forward, bursting through the line of guards and ran up the stops. (trapping her brother by she cried: “AVhat does this mean? It is only the aristocracy that are to die.” “Away woman!” exclaimed one of the executioners. “No. I will not away until you tell me why my brother is here, and thus bound.” “ Your brother?” was the echo. “ Yes, this is my brother.” “ Well, who are you?” “I am Marie. Don’t you know me?” “The Pauper?” “Ay!” “ But this is not your brother?” “It is. Ask him —ask him!” Young Antonio de Nantes had turned a scornful gaze upon the nnfiden, but a light passed at once across his face, and be mumuved: " Uh, my sister!” “Is this your brother?” asked Ro bespierre of the supposed pauper, ad vancing near her. “ It is.” “ But his name is down differently.” “ Then mistaken. He is my brother. Ask him.” “ Does Marie speak the truth?” asked Robespierre. “ She does,” was the brother’s reply. “And you are not De Nantes?” “ I tell vou 1 am her brother.” . “ Why did you not toll us this be fore?” '' “I attempted to speak, but was si lenced.” f “ But you might* have declared your self.” “ You would not have believed me.” “ But your dress?” “It belongs to an aristocrat. Per haps to him for whom I was mistaken.” Robespierre advanced close to young Nantes and gized earnestly into his face. Then he aproached Marie, and TfRMS : si.oo porAanwn, i NUMBER 8. looked steadily into her eyes for a short time. It was a moment of trial for the poor girl. She trembled in spite of her efforts to be calm. She almost felt that she was lost, when the human fiend, whose word was law, turned and said: “ Release the man.” The chains were instantly removed, and Antonio de Nantes walked down from the scaffold, followed by his sister, while the shouts of those around rent the air, for they supposed it was a commoner who had thus been saved. The young man worked his way through the crowd as rapidly as possi ble, leading Marie. They had scarcely escaped it. before the poor girl, fainted, from the intensity of her feelings. The brother scarcely knew what to do but a hand was laid on his arm, and a voice said: “ Bring her to my room again. She will be safe there.” The brother conveyed her to the apart ment of the pauper, and asked of her: “Have you seen the female before?” “Yes, I know all about it,” returned the pauper. “ She borrowed my clothes to save her lover. She has done it and I am glad.” Before the noble sister returned to consciousness, the brother had learned all. When she did so they both sought se cure quarters, after rewarding the beg gar-girl as had been promised. “ Do you think Robespierre was really decided?” asked Marie ae Nan tea “ I think not,” returned the brother. “Then why he did he order your re lease?” “He saw your plan. He admired your courage. Could a fiend have done less?” “ Perhaps this was the case. But if so it was a deed of mercy, and the only one that man ever did.” “ You are right.” IVAII'S AND WHIMS. The dance for drunkards —the reeL “ Government pap”—the Father ol his Country. Next to nothing—a girl walking with the average dandy. “A”is ago ahead letter. You often hear of a leading industry. You’ll always find a good looking glass. “ Tfif. fairest of the fair.” is not al ways the chairman of the awarding committee. The worst of dying bv poison is that you never can tell exactly where your stomach belongs. A new song is entitled “ My Love She is a Kitten.” Kittens scratch like the mischief, and so perhaps does his love. Now is the season of the year when the scissor-editor sharpens his shears and smashes up his crediting machine. Adolphus: Yes; if she is continually casting sheep’s eyes at ewe it would be perfectly safe to say that her eyes are lambent. The New York papers announce the marriage of Air. Watson to Miss Watson. My! Watsons ought to follow this union. The naughty boy that Bticks pins in his family pew must feel that there is a painful necessity for a religious uprising among his relatives. A man never realizes how frail he is until he bursts a suspender* button from his pants among a group of ladies, and finds himself slowly falling to pieces. A deaf man can get out of a crowd as soon as any one when a collection is to be taken up, and yet the fact has al ways puzzled philosophers. Grace Greenwood, they say, has embraced spiritualism. Bet you a dol lar spiritualism didn’t reciprocate.—Bur dette. It is a malicious woman who will slyly put long hairs on a man’s coat just to make his wife jealous.— Henry Ward Beecher. They are proving so popular that a fellow ir. this city thinks of starting alone association with a young lady of his acquaintance. — Sadie Stone. The last cabbage remaining unsold is like the most important man in a hotel dining-room; it is a head-waiter. Send up the saure kraut, please. “If I punish you,” said mamma to her little girl, “ you don’t suppose that I do so for my pleasure, do you?” “ TLen, whose pleasure is it for, mamma?” The Graphic says that no really good man will seek a rich wife. Too true; the rich wives are all reserved for the— ahem—clergy.— N. Y. Commercial Ad vertiser. The hardest work many a man has done this fall has been to sit on a nail keg in a country grocery store and tell what a powerful man his grandfather was to husk corn. The most courageous are frequently embarrassed while addressing a multitude from a platform, and the thing is all the more demoralizing if they happen to be standing on a trap-door. Man’s inhumanity to woman makes countless thousands crawl out of a warm bed to kindle the fire these cool morn ings, while they roll over and take an other snooze. “ I never argy agin a success,” says Josh Billings. “ When I see a rattle snake’s head sticking out of a hole, I bear off to the left and say to mieelf, that hole belongs to that snaik.” AViif.n a tramp was offered his dinner if he would wield thesevthe for an hour, he soliloquized: “To dine—no mower. Ay! there’s the grub.”— Hackensack : Jtepullican.