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TEN MUTT ISN’T QUITE IN EDISON’S CLASS - - BY “BUD" FISHER i j " say, jeFp, I'Me coADe \ j u>ot to tivy nr out i rr y 1 y , AGRHAT DI«,COV<ePCt THAT VwlL.l_ So X PlVeX>Opf\ j <-> X . l ' L< *° <N Tne / MAKfcU* MILLIONAIRES* I've IN TH£ NEYT RjOQ(*\ I'Ll. POT L TUR ‘ N OCNI ( DIS>COVJSR£D AN Otu THAT \ THI% OIL ON y AU AKm __ C WIMT - X WON'T TUR.N ; EL6C.TR.Ie ITT HAR.NUjeiS. we CAN >w__ J ENOUGH To K <U. TO <J l PUT IT ONI A N\AN SeNTeNtec To / " 'V ENOUGH -SoTOU CAN! \7 Hg eLe CTRJC CHAttt. AND L6.T Hp«T| jlfltj j j ' ij~ VJEUU? j/" IT “DON'T AR.E. TOU | i r WOR.K V^lVlf R.eadv ~A ' / l \ vMeuu. v 1 % ? %?, — fsfr- COPYRIGHT 1914- EY THE. oTAP C-g. A Christmas Editorial By Charles Dickens —From “A Christmas Carol” Mnrlty wiu dead; to begin with. There Is no doubt whatever about that. The register of hi* burial was signed by the Clergyman, the clerk, the undertaken and the chief mourn er Scrooge signed It; and Scrooge's name was rood upon 'Change for any thing he chose to put hla hand to. Old Marley waa as dead a* a door nail. Scrooge knew he was dead ? Of course he did. How could It be other wise? Scrooge and he were iwrtnera for 1 don't know how many yeara Scrooge was hla aole executor. Ills sole administrator, his sole assign, his sol* residuary legatee, his sole friend and sole mourner. Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a aqtteM lng. wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! External heat and cold had little In fluence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, nor wintry weather chill hint. No wind that blew was more hitler than he, no falling snow was more Intent upon tt* purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to h: v* him. The heaviest rain, and snow, and hall, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him In only one respect. They often "came down” handsomely and Scrooge never did. On a certain Christmas eve. after Scrooge hail gtowled at his neph ew for Inviting him to dinner and wishing him a Merry Christmas, growled at two gentlrmen for asking hint to give something to the poor, and growled at hi* un derpaid clerk. Boh Cralchlt, father of Tiny Tim. for begging leave to spend Christmas Pay at home, he went to the chambers once occu pied by his dead partner and him self. now by himself alone Just as he wss shout to go to bed there was a clanking of chalna and Into the room, right through the panels of the door, which was locked and bolted, came the ghost of Marley. "Mercy! Presdful apparition, why do you trouble me '" cried Scrooge "Why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?" "It Is required of every man." the ghost returned, "that the spirit with in him should walk abroad among hla fallow-men and travel for and wide: and If that aplrlt goes not forth In life. It I* condemned to do so after death. 1 cannot rest. I cannot stay I cannot linger Hnvwhrre. My spirit never walked beyond our counting house- mark me In life, my spirit never roved beyond the narrow limits of our money -changing hole: and weary Journeys lie before me'" “Seven year* dead." mused Scrooge “and traveling all the time!" "Oh! captive, hound and double Ironed," cried phantom, "not to know that age* of Incessant lat>or by Im mortal creature* for this earth must pass Into eternity before the good of which It Is susceptible Is all develop ed Not to know that any Christian spirit working kindly In It* little sphere whatever It may be will find Its mortal life too short for Its vast means of usefulness Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunity mis used; Vet such was I! Such was 1! "But you were always a good man of business, Jacob," faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to him self. "Business!" cried the ghost, wring ing Us hands again. "Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, for bearance and benevolence, were all my business. The dealings of my trade were hut a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my busi ness!" Scrooge was very much dismayed to hear the specter going on at this rate, and began to quake exceedingly. "Hear me!" cried the ghost. "My time Is nearlj gone.” “I mu here tonight to warn you that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate A chance and hope of procuring, Ebenexer.” "You were always a good friend to me," said Scrooge. "Thank'ee!” "Vou will he haunted." resumed the ghost, "by three spirits. - ' The first of the three spirits was the lihosl of Christmas l'aat, which took Scrooge hack to the days of his boyhood and youth, showing hint their Joys and their lost opportunities. The second was the Ghost of Christmas Present. It took Scrooge to the homes of his underpaid clerk and the nephew who had wished him a Merry Christmas, and showed him Just how these kept the high day, and Just how they regarded the growling part ner of the dead Marley. The third was the Ghost of Christ nine Yet to Come, and by the time It come Scrooge had re solved to change his mode of Uf*. "Spirit"' he cried, tight clutching at Its robe, "hear me! I am not the man 1 was V will not he the man I must have been but for thta Inter course •'flood spirit," he pursued. "Your nature Intercedes for me, and pities me Assures me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown tne by an altered life' "1 will honor Christmas In my heart and try to keep It all the year. 1 will live In the past, the present and the future. The spirit of all three shall strive within me I will not shut out the lessons that they teach." Holding up his hands In one last prayer to have his fate reversed, h* saw an alteration In the Phantom's hi od and dress It shrunk, collapsed and dwindled down Into a bed post Yes. and the bedpost waa hla own. The bed was his own. the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the time before hint was hi* own, to make amends In! "1 will live In the past, the present and the future!" Scrooge repeated aa he scrambled out of bed. "The spirits ot all three shall strive within me." He was so fluttered and so glom- Ing with his good Intentions that his broken voice would scarcely answer to Ids call He had been sobbing vio lently In his conflict with the spirit, and his face was wet with tears "I don't know what to do’" cried Scrooge, laughing and crying In the same breath. "I ant as light as a feather. I am as happy as an angel. I am as merry as a schoohoy. 1 am as giddy as a drunken man A Merry Christmas to everybody! A Happy New Year to all the world! Hallo, here! Whoop! Hallo!" Really, for a man who had been mil of practice for so many years, It was a splendid laugh, a most lllus trloiis laugh. The father of a long long line of brilliant laughs! "I dent know what day of the month It is,” said Scrooge. "I don't know how long I've been among the spirits. I don’t know anything. I’m quite s haby. Never mind, 1 don’t care. I'd rather he a baby. Halo! Whoop! Hallo, here!” He was checked in his transports by the churches ringing out the Inst il st peals he had ever heard. Clash, clang, hnmmar, ding, dong, hell! Bell, dong, ding, hammer, clang, clash! Oh, glorious, glorious! Running to the window, he opened It and put out his head. No fog, no mist; clear, bright; Jovial, stirring, cold: cold, piping for the Mood to dance to; golden sunlight; heavenly sky; sweet fresh alp; merry hells. Oh, glorious! Glorious! “What’s today?" cried Scrooge, rail ing downward to a hoy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered In to look about him. "Eh?" returned the hoy. "What’s today, my fine fellow?" "Today?" replied the boy. "Why Christmas Pay.” "It's Christmas Pay!" said Scrooge to himself. "I haven't missed it. The spirits have don* it all In one night. They can do anything they ’.lke. Of course they can. Of course they can. Hallo, my fine fellow!” "Hallo!” returned the boy. "Po you know the poulrterer’s In the next street but one, at the corner?" Scrooge Inquired. "I should hope I did," replied the lad. "An Intelligent boy!" said Scrooge "A remarkable hoy! Po you know whether they've sold the prize turkey that was hanging up there? Not the little prize turkey; the hlg one?” "What, the one as big as nte?" re turned the boy. "What a delightful hoy! said Scrooge. “It's a pleasure to talk to him. Yes, tny buck!" "It’s hanging there now,” replied the hoy. “It Is?" said Scrooge. “Go and buv It." "Walker!" exclaimed the boy. "No, no," said Scrooge: "I am In earnest. Go and buy It and tell 'em to bring It hero that 1 may give them the direction where to take It. Come hack with the man. and I'll give you a shilling. Come hack with him In less thnn five minutes, and I'll give you half-a-crown'” The boy was off like a shot. He must have had a steady hand at a trigger who could have got a shot off half so fast. "I'll send It to Boh Cratchlt's!" whispered Scrooge, rubbing his hands and splitting with a laugh. "He sh'n't know who sends It. It's twice the site of Tiny Tim .” The hand In which he wrote the address was not a steady one, hut write it he did, somehow, and went downstairs to open the street door, ready for the coming of the poulter er's man. tt was a turkey. He could never have stood upon his legs, that bird. THE AUGUSTA HERALD, AUGUSTA, GA. He would have snapped ’em short off in a minute, like sticks of sealing wax. "Why, it's impossible to carry that to Cadmen town,” said Scrooge. “You must have a cab." The chuckle with which he said this, and the chuckle with which he paid for the turkey, and the chuckle with which he paid for the cab, and the chuckle with which he recompens ed the hoy, were only to be exceeded by the chuckle with which he sat down breathless In his chair again and chuckled till he cried. Shaving was not an easy task, for his hand continued to shake very much; and shaving requires attention, even when you don't dance while you are at it. But if he had cut the end of his nose off, he would have put a piece of sticking plaster over It and been quite satisfied He dressed himself “all in his best,” and at last got out Into the strepts. The people were by this time pouring forth as he had sepn them with the ghost of Christmas Present; and. wnlklng with his hands behind him Scrooge regard ed every' one with a delightful smile. He looked so Irresistibly plensnnt, in a word that three or four good-humored fellows said, "Good morning, sir! A Merry Christmas to you!” And Scrooge said often afterward that of alt the blithe sounds he had ever heard, those yvere the blithest In his ears. Ho had not cone far, whon, com ing on toward him, ho beheld one of the portly gentlemen who had walked Into his counting house the day be fore It sent a pang across his heart to think how this old gentleman would look upon him whon they met; but lie knew what path lay straight before him. and he took it. "My dear sir." said Scrooge, quick ening his pace and taking the old gentleman by both his hands. "How do you do? I hope you succeeded yesterday. Tt was very kind of you. A Merry Christmas to you, sir!" “Mr. Scrooge?” "Yes," said Scrooge. “That is my name, and I fear it may not be pleas ant to you. Allow tne to ask your pardon. And will you have the good ness —here Scrooge whispered in his ear. "laird bless you!" cried the gentle man, as if his breath were gone. "My • ear Mr. Scrooge, are you serious?” "If you please," said Scrooge. "Not a farthing less. A great many back payments are included in it. I assure you. Will you l do me that favor?’ "My dear sir." said th > other, shak ink hands with him. “I don’t know what to say to such munifi—" "Don’t say anything, please," re torted Scrooge. "Come and see me. Will you come and see me?" "I will!" cried the old gentleman. And it was clear he meant to do It. "Thank'ee," said Scrooge. "1 am much obliged to you. 1 thank you fifty times Bless you!" He went to church and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and fro. and patted chil dren on the head, and questioned beg gars. and looked down into the kitch ens of houses and up to the windows; and found that everything could yield him pleasure He had never dreamed that any walk—that anything—could give him so much happiness In the afternoon he turned his steps toward his nephew's house. He passed the door a doten times before he had the courage to go up and knock. But he made a dash, and did it. "Is your master at home, my dear?” said Scrooge to the girl. “Nice girl' Very!” "Yes, sir.” “Where is he, my love?” said Scrooge. "He’s in the dining room, sir. along with mistress. I'll show you upstairs, if you please.” "Thank’ee. He knows me,” said Scrooge, with his hand already on the dining room lock. "I’ll go in here, my dear.” He turned it gently and slided his face in, round the door. They were looking at the table (which was spread out in great array); for these young housekeepers are always nevrous on such points, and like to see that every thing is right. “Fred!” said Scrooge. "Why, bless my soul!" cried Fred. “Who's that?” ‘‘lt’s I. Y’our Uncle Scrooge. I have come to dinner. Will you let me in, Fred ?” I-et him in! It is a mercy he didn't shake his arm off. He was at home in five minutes.. Wonderful pany, wonderful games, wonderful unanim ity, wonderful happiness! But lie was early at the office next morning. Oh, he was early there, if he could only be there first, and catch Bob Catchit coming late! That was the thing he had set his heart upon. And he did it; yes, he did! The clock struck nine. No Bob. A quar ter past. No Bob. He was fully eighteen minutes and a half behind his time. Scrooge sat with his door yvide open, that he might see him come in. His hat was off before he opened the door; his comforter too. He was on his stool in a Jiffy, driving away with his pen as if he were trying to overtake !) o'clock. "Hallo!" growled Scrooge, in his ac customed voice as near as he could feign it. “What do you mean by coining here at this time of day?” "1 am very sorry, sir,” said Bob. "I am behind my time.” "You are?" repeated Scrooge. "Y'es, I think you are. Step this way, sir, if you please.” "It’s only once a year, sir, pleaded Boh. "It shall not be repeated. 1 was making r. ther merry yesterday, sir.” "Now. i'll tell you what, my friend,” said Scrooge. “I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer. And therefor.,” he continued, leaping from his stool and giving Bob such a dig in the waistcoat that he staggered hack, "and therefore I am about to raise your salary!" Bob trembled, and got a little nearer to the ruler. He had a momentary Idea of knocking Scrooge down with it; holding him. and calling to the people In the court for help and a strait-waistcoat. “A Merry Christmas. Boh!" said Scrooge, with an earnestness that could not be mistaken, as he clap ped him on the back. "A merrier Christmas. Bob, my good fellow, than 1 have given you for many a year! I’ll - raise your salary, and endeavor to usstst your struggling family; and we will discuss your affairs this very afternoon, over a Christmas bowl of smoking Mshop, Bob’ Make up the fires, and buy another coal scuttle be fore you "dot another I." Bob Ctatchit!" Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all. and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim. who did not die, he sax a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town or borough in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the al teration in him, but lie let them laugh and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and, knowing that such as these would be blind, anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins as have malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed; and that was quite enough for him. He had no further intercourse with spirits, but lived upon the total ab stinence principle, ever afterward; and ti was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowl edge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One! Before Shopping Read Herald Ads Consider Me If you have unduly delayed your purchasing of Christmas gifts be patient with those who have to minister to your needs fUESDAY, DECEMBER 22. CHRISTMAS SUGGESTIONS A box of Fine Cigars, Meerschaum or French Briar Pipe. Fine Amber Cigar or Cigarette Hold er, Cigar or Cigarette Case Will Make a Most Acceptable as Well as Appreciative Christmas Gift for Your Gentlemen Friends. Cigars of highest qual ity ianging from $1 per box upwards. Some of our well-known brands: Optimo, Sanchez & Haya, Tadema, La Profercncia, Santa ella, San Felice, La Folwin, Cinco, C. H. S. Careful Attention Given Instruc tions Regarding Deliveries. Ladies Specially Invited to Call. Burdell - Cooper Tobacco Co. 718 BROAD ST. PHONE 23 ARE YOU MOVING? JF you are moving this season be sure to give us at least ten days’ notice so your telephone may be moved promptly. Call at the office to day and sign an order for the move. Southern Bell Telephone Sc Telegraph Company