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Best Wit and Humor by hamous Artists for Young and Old
— —— - - . __ Copyright. lUUB. by American-Journal-• _ Examiner.
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The Manicure Lady
Tells tke Head Barber What She Thinks of Actors
. '
By WILLIAM F. KIRK
"George,” said the Manicure Lady,
"don’t erer talk no more to me about
ladles’ hats."
"I never said much about ladles’ hats to
jou," said the Head Barber. "What’s the
big noise about?’’
"Nothing, nothing," said the Manicure
Lady, "except that It ain't only the ladies
that dresses foolish in the millinery line.
Did you pipe the green hat on the guy that
Just got bis nails did?"
"I got a flash," said the Head Barber.
"It was all to the vernal season. «But
there ain’t many of us that wears em.
Here and there an actor has one, and may
THE ACTOR'S HAT THAT STARTED THE DISCUSSION
be aome stage carpenter barks In with a i
lid of th* »an>* color, but moat of us tuei.
•tick to the black and white effects."
Some Men’s Headgear.
“I think «i»y sre awful phoney thing*,"
«Vd the Manicure Lady "The eery Idee
of a man. tlx feet tail and brewery built
t/ctides, going out Into the Bright ounllght
with one of them olive colored thing, on
hit kto.-hf' Every lime I ire one I feel like
doing the old 8* Ira La !« La go Hoo!
"The fellow that I wto telling you
about, the »•..*. that /-.at went mi. waa a
awful i.e. lie .no, eer.it* be*V fiorn
SeluerluJ. he raid, *ol he bought the
111 f *a e* Al-.lo'i guile ih.t m-eded :he
money T’fcoee get, «r» only »cr.> fy
ren that e-e greet ironrh l» dely erltl
. rtom.' ke rode ei-v a prow o* a Par.
"V-nSa*, or o ’ullss doa» woo’a l* wear
I groan I’d. eieryttelf atya !' la right
t-.t propc. - .' T dju't be'leve L.iUo IVui
wceil wtar *«i of 'an; I aoyg 'lle a
grl eo much gotd coipmou aeoot. that
S-r * Ch. ! don't knew,' oty« rhe mot*.
•If I ta.i wear eue, why can't kef
jN*pn!eia C ir*B A:fr*y.
funny sow .mi of them actors
SUREST THING Y’KNOW. _„, T .. TO „.„„,
so about six times. ‘Oh, the glorious Alps,
the glorious Alps,' he says. Every time 1
climbed them,’ he snys, ’it reminded me
of the time IlunnJbul crossed the same
lordly mountains to Join Napoleon at the
Battle of Boyne Water.’
“It’s funny, George, how much history
them actors know. I s'pose they have to
study it a lot so they ran keep posted for'
the different parts they have to pjay."
"That fellow non’t know no history,’’
said the Head Barber. "Napoleon ap<| Han
nlbal didn't live at the same tipie, and
neither of ’em ever fought at the battle
of Boynt Water. That battle was between
Orangemen and Hibernians.’’
"Of course,” sniffed the Manicure Lady,
"I ain’t »o much up in the fine arts ns
barbers, but I do hate to sit here and be
sneered at because I forgot some of the
things 1 learned when I was to Vasaar.
This gertleman that was Just In here acted
like a refined, educated man, and If
said that Napoleon and Ilanr.lbal was In
til- same fight that goes for me. The only
fights tb.it barbers know about is the owes
that Is told In the ptak papers on the little
table near the door. I don’t -are If «he
gentleman that Just bad hi* nails did wore
a greeu bat. He bad a rlgnt to wear one
if lie wanted to, didn’t he?”
"Don't take It so bard.’’ said the Head
Barber. "Who started fr.e knocking about
the green lid? Von did, didn't you? Of
course, you did, and we were doing some
freat conversing ontll i started io knock,
00l
"Women sre the If there la sr.y
hammering to be tue- want to do
because they reckon that whatever Is
wot*b fining Is worth dolr.g we l. I don’t
care If i nt.*e r aee tne ate with *lfe greet*
thatrli. Yon can have him. Jin through
mlflng In with ’be talk "
"There, r»*c-ge a there," said the Mani*
eure Lady. "He sln't totblt* ts me. You
know Just as well as I do ttet would
take a w’aole lot tn >re than an aefor to
i break up our friendship j tVi.fc asore of
sou bareheaded than of a!l tha swell ar-'
OM In the world in ail t swell gre#u
| Lata. You ran always be •tore us my ad-
I miration. Gaorta, no matter -what color
1 bar tea am 1 ... . _ _ _
Copyright. 1908, by Amerlcan-Journal-i-Examlner.
JAY JIMMIE, HAS TOUR FATHER, GOT AN GREAT 1 DO YOU Know HOW IT WORKS 7! THAT'S THE. BOY i~ ID NEVER Think,
ICECREAM FREEZER? TELL HIM LET YOU TURN IT z' ; f° Lootc AT Tou; That /
1 MR.GRAFTO WOULD LIKE v - FOR ME 1 J ° u WERE HALF SO STRONG 1 ,) f4\
( YOU MADE A FINE JOB OF IT, NOW RUN HOME WITH THE FREEZER fITUM-HOD V 'l THAT'S JUST LIKE
[ TOO' I COULDN'T HAVE DONF JIMMY, AND TELL TOUR PA L'M MUCH ljc mpvciY ct/Cu GRAFTOt ~ WE'RE
' 'J, j
_. .
TIUBR! (?t u \ At true „• ■ • - fTofit at cnns? who hu me now’ this ) 11 wh-i if it unt nisu bunw h * j ~
terjJW'/L AMD CM rHU , rfLyU u- - TO r HUHW’JIb IMAI dI'iHTJWJA " ,f
ip
T) .I. « «— U '"b
1 o-day’s Best Story
A certain gentleman who was noted as
an angler had a, poor memory as to the
weight of the fish he ha# taken.
Ou otic occasiou a fviciul who was trying
to entrap him aalred. tn a casual manner:
"1 say, 8 , what was the weight of
that big flsh you caught the other day?"
The angler turned to his servant nnd
said: “Jenkins, what did 1 say yesterday
that flsh weighed?"
"What time yesterday, air—lu the morn
lug. at dlnuer, or after supper?" waa the
reply.
BUSTED.
The*« are fJw* t*«spit? days. iniieoti,
When we come from the seaside
nooks.
Loaded down with empty shells —
And empty pockctbooks.
SORRY HE SPftKE.
fool for look!” exclaimed Jobson
on hearing that an acquaintance had
come into a fortune.
'7 don’t know about that,” replied his
wife, "You don't seem to be especially
fortunate.” —Boston J'ranseript.
THEY’RE POPULAR NOW.
’ "Bow shall I tell you? father of our
engagement s"
"He is interested in politics," suggested
the girl. ‘‘Vow'd better ffb as a notifica
tion committee and pass it off in that
way.”
SHii DIDN'T KNOW.
Reggie — Don't you think my friend
Jack an awfully modest chapt
’ Lucy—l really don't know. I hat'en't
been Immodest enough to And out.
Bachelor Sarcasnjs.
Most advocate* of peure at any prloe are
married men.
It a the easiest thing In the world for a
woman to dilve a man to drink.
The average woman Is willing to stand
up for her rights anywhere except In a
crowded car.
It'e difficult for a young man to convince
a young widow that he lovea her more
than he lotcs himself.
At the age of alateen a girl flgurea on
marrying a I’eiclval or a Reginald, hut ai
the age of twenty-six she Is willing to
marry a Bill or a Tom.
I/tieky is the man who Isn't sold when
women go to market.
It’s no wonder children are bo contrary'
Just look at their parents.
A wall flower by any othei name would
wither Just the same.
MODEST MAN.
"Look herd'’ demanded the angry
suburbanite, “ didn't you say if I p< a
you a meal you would chop some wood
down at the woodpilet Welt, what
caused you to change your minds”
“My modesty, boss," responded Bash
ful Ben at ho handed back the saw
and axe.
"Your modestyt ”
’’W.t, sir. 1 couldn't bear de sight
of so much undressed lumber,”
GRAFTO THE MONK.
) 1 0 »mK H sK) SAIOKINC, 0M THE INREE REAR SEAT)
|| 3 uul? I
Jfe/) %
Jj§
/ AfttNltOU HftPPtYou \ -
i¥ d.Uet ik
OH! PIFFLE!
NEVER AGAIN. «r r - ,c
Copyright, 1908, by Amerlcan-Journal- Examiner.
CopvrlKht, 1 nos, by Amerlcnn-Journal- Flsnmlner
ICopyrfirht. 1908 by A mrrlrnn fourns I Ibnmln'-r.