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T. A. HAVRON, Publisher. CURRENT TOPICS. Kalakaua is pronouncecr Call-a-cow-a. The Jersey Lily does not wear a jersey. General Boulanger’s daughter is about to become a nun. Mount Vernon, on the Potomac, is to have a deer park. Mr. McGarigi.e washed in Chicago but wiped in Canada. Distributing hand bills is hereafter a jail offense in Washington. A six-foot nine husband and a four-foot wife amuse Upper Neck, N. J. A gold piece of Tiberius Caesar has been found at Canterbury, Eng. New Orleans is considered the best melon market in the United States Paris will soon behold the Wild West show and our immortal Buffalo Bill. A recent Government sale of smuggled opium in Ban Francisco brought 146,500. Russell Sage has no children. His only heir is a nephew well advanced in years. The Irish liax trade is said to be in a more favorable condition than since 1881. The late John Taylor, the Mormon pres ident. left eight wives and many children. A Parisian genius has invented an “op tometer” which will detect a woman’s age. Maggie Mitchell has the finest collec tion of diamonds of any actress on the stage. Parnell w r ears several elaborate rings presented to him while he was in Kilmain ham Jail. With two or three exceptions, this year’s crop of novels is unusually barren in interest. Ex-Mator Joyce, of St. Louis, in cat ting a melon, slipped and nearly slit his son’s nose off. There are forty Jew millionaires in New York. The riches’ is Max Weil, who is rated al $8,000,000. Disinfectants are put in the watering carts in Boston by order of the Public Bafety Department. An eleven years old girl of Missaukee County, Mich., is six feet tall already and growing like a weed. A line of steamers is about to be estab lished on the Suwanee river, the Florida stream so lamed in song. IThe Treasury Department decides that waste baskets are duitable. What is now needed is a tariff on poems. There are two ministers in the Fiftieth Congress— Stewart, of Georgia, and Mc- Kinley, of New Hampshire. The fifth annual meeting of the Ameri can Forestry Congress will be held in Bpringfleld, 111., September 14, 16 and 16. Over the grave of a base-ball player in a Western town are simply his name and the words: “He Made a Clean Home-Run.” Dr. Owen, of Marine City, Mich., has in vented a hot-air process which is said to reduce the cost of salt manufacture 50 per cent. In lowa whisky is furnished in flasks which are made to imitate books, and on the back is the title “Reveries of a Bach elor.” A Maryland lady defends herself for the size of her bustle by saying that she isn’t responsible for what goes on behind her back. Mrs. Perry, widow of Commodore Perry, Iheheroof Lake Erie, is living at Btratford, Conn, in good health and spirits for an old lady. A shrewd Indian near Kansas City has become rich by real estate investments. His name is Matthias Splitlog, and he can neither read nor write. To the novel colors invented for women’s clothes of “crushed strawberry” and “whipped cream” has been added the color of “slapped baby.” A New York actress has fallen heir to a quarter of a million dollars. It is better sometimes to fall heir to a fortune than it. is to lose one’s diamonds. Jefferson Davis and General Thomas L. Clingman, of North Carolina, are the only surviving ex-Senators who left the Senate to engage in the rebellion. The Berlin Tagblatt alleges that Boulang er is intriguing with Russia to obtain con trol in France, and predicts an early state of anarchy in that country. On the Pacific Coast of Mexico and Gen tral America, there are 407 species of fishes, of these seventy-one species are found on the Atlantic Coast. John Ai.t.en, of Maine, or “Camp-meet ing John,” who is ninety-two years of age, is attending his three hundred and seventy-third camp-mceting. An interesting paper in a current peri odical is called “Books that Have Helped Me.” Strangely enough, the author does not mention the pocket-book. There is a white oak tree in Gilman, Pierce County, Wis., that is twenty-one feet in circumference. It is the largest tree in that pa t of the State. In tlio same pew in church at Des Moines, la., sit each Sabbath day two women, one of whom is the widow of four ministers, the other the widow of three ministers. A Texas editor who advertised that he would take country produce for subscrip tions, was tendered a couple of wildcats in a box, but lie indignantly drew the line at wildcats. If you were to take up all the railroads on the earth and tic them together you would have a double iron band which would wrap around this terrestial ball eight, times. O. C. Libby, a cattle dealer of Burnham, Mo., has traveled 000,000 miles by rail without meeting with an accident. He has soid $7,000,000 worth of cattle in the last few years. A year old babe fell from the fifth story of a New York tenement to the pavement below without sustaining serious injury. Now, if bridge-jumping cranks want to beat the record, let them go to New York and duplicate the baby’s leap. The first instance of bre\et promotion in our seivice was the bestowal of the brevet, rank of Major for gallant conduct during the war of 1812, in the ludiati as sault on Fort Harrison, upon Zachary Taylor, then Kirst Lieutenant of Seventh Infantry. OUR COMMERCE. Facts and Figures Prove That Cot ton is Still King. That Commodity Forms Nearly a Third of Our Kntire Exports—The Planter and Farmer Have Just Cause for Pride. Washington, Aug. 9.—l'he latest reports of the Bureau of Statistics just issued gives some interesting facts about the commerce of the year which ended June 80. It shows that we sold to our neighbors in various parts of the world last year $703,000,000 worth of our productions, or about $8,000,000 worth of sales per day, the year round. This is about $10,000,000 more than we made the preceeding year. That this is eminently an agricul tural country is easy to see from the most casual examination of the details of ex ports. Of the $703,000,000 worth of exports, $583,000,000, were agricultural products. Cotton, breadstuffs and meats are the main articles on which this $588,000,000 was raised. Cotton is still king, for that alone brought $283,000,000 into this country from abroad—3o6,ooo,ooo of it for the raw cotton, $16,000,000 for the manufactured article. Breadstuffs brought $165,000,1:00 and meats and dairy products $93,000,000. We think we are doing a good deal of manufacturing in this country, but that is a small thing beside the products of agriculture. The exports of manufac tures only amounted to $135,000,000 in value, or less than two-thirds of the value of cot ton exported, and less than the export of breadstuffs. Let the humble farmer hold up his head with just pride, for he sup plies not alone the sustenance for thi3 Nation of 60,000,000 people, but brings SI,OOO every minute of the year, day and night, of foreign money into this country in exchange of his products. Where does it come from} you ask. Let us see. Of the $216,000,000 worth of unmanufactured cotton sent abroad, $128,000,000 worth went to Great Britain, and about $5,000,000 each to France and Germany. Of the $51,003,000 worth ol Hour, $35.(XK),000 went to Great Britain and Ireland. Of the $93,000,000 worth of wheat, $48,000,000 went to Great Britain and Ire land. Of the $30,000,000 worth of corn, $13,000,000 went to the same countries. Of $165,000,000 worth of meats and dairy pro ducts, one-third went to Great Britain, and the remainder was scattered far and wide. Great Britain and Ireland are indeed our best customers in nearly all our exporta tions. In a list of twenty-five principal articles of export, Great Britain and Ire land head the list of those purchasing from us in twenty of the twenty-five ar ticles in question, and usually takes three fourths of the entire amount exported. There are a few cases in which othei countries are better customers. Carolina Crop Prospects. Columbia, S. C., Aug. 9.—Reports of 371 township correspondents to the State De partment of Agriculture covering every county, show that on August 1, cotton, which is two or three weeks earlier than last year, has a full bottom crop, and if the season continues propitious the largest crops ever produced in the State will be made. The corn crop is reported as gen erally the best ever grown. The yield will be the largest on record. Reports of a large rice crop still continue favorable. Silver Statistics. * Washington, Aug. 9.—A statement pre pared at the Treasury Department shows that the cost of silver bullion purchased by the Treasury for the coinage of silver dollars during the fiscal year ended June 30, 1887, was $34,563,615, while the cost of the bullion delivered on purchases was $84,649,343. The co9t of the silver bullion consumed in the dollar coinage during the same period was $25,349,374, and the number of silver dollars coined was $33,- 266,831. Sentenced for Life. I’outs mouth, 0., Aug. 9. —The Court gave its attention to all the McCoys to-day. The motion made by Alfred for a new trial was overruled and he was sentenced to the penitentiary for life. On motion, how ever, execution was suspended until next term of Court, which convenes October 10, to allow the Supreme Court to wrestle with the numerous questions which have been carried up. A Priest Dies from Starvation. New York, Aug. 9.—Rev. J. M. Machale, a Catholic priest, who came from Ireland to the Brooklyn diocese last November, died on Monday from starvation. He suf fered much from homesickness, and dur ing the lato hot spell he became demented and refused to eat. Yellow Fever and Smali-Pox in Havana. Washington, Aug. 9.—The Marine Hos pital Bureau is informed that small pox and yellow fever are raging in Havana, Cuba. During the month of July there were 104 deaths from yellow fever and 112 from small pox. ♦ He Cheated the Gallows. St. Loris, Aug. 9.—Jerry Pagels, the murderer of Samuel Kohn. for which murder ho was sentenced to be hanged Friday, Aug. 12, committed suicide in his coll last night by cutting the artery of his .eft arm uuovo the elbow. Pension Examiners Appointed. YT isiiinoton, Aug. 9.—Geo. M. Swaim, of Iowa; Arthur AsHolmes, of Indiana; Lucion M. Turner, of Illinois; John S. Mo- Kieruen, of Pennsylvania, and John P. Stout, vf Ohio, have been appointed spec ial examiners in the Pension Office uudor civil service rules. City Officers Arrested Wilkesbarue, Pa., Aug. 9.—The mayor, council and street commissioners were ar rested to-day on complaint of citizens for allowing stagnant water to accumulate oa the streets. TRENTON, DADE COUNTY, GA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 12. 1887. OCEAN DISASTER. Foss of a Vessel’s Crew and Passengers— The Captain Sees Sharks Devour ills Wife and Children. Albuquerque, N. M., Aug. B.—A Nogales special to the Democrat says: The sloop Sara, eighteen tons register, owned and commanded by Abraham Balarian, left Mulejo July 25, loaded with twenty tons of tanbark, consigned to Selender & Van Dettler. The vessel had on board the captain, his wife, her children, niece and Superintendent Halle, of the Baltimore copper mines at Santa Roslia, and a crew of five men. While between San Pedro and Martinez in the Gulf of California the vessel was struck by a heavy surf and capsized. All on board perished, excepting the captain and four sailors, who saved themselves by climbing on the bottom of the capsized vessel. On the second day after the acci dent the dead bodies of the captain’s wife and children rose to the surface and were eaten by sharks, while the husband and father looked on the awful sight in horror. On July 30th two of the sailors became crazy and said they were going ashore, and immediately plunged overboard. They had no soonor struck the water than sharks devoured them. The captain, one sailor and a smalf boy remained at the bottom of the vessel for eight days, sustaining life by catching turtles, that would come near them and sucking the blood. They were rescued in a most pitiable condition by the fishing sloop Refugio, and afterward transferred to the company’s steamer Kerrigan, which was sent in search of the Sara, and arrived at Guayamas last night. The captain of the Sara is men tally and physically a wreck. He says there was another small sloop, the name of which was unknown, near his vessel in the same gale, and it is supposed that she went down with all on board. Mr. Halle was a man who stood high in the community, and his loss is sadly re gretted. His age was thirty-four years, and he leaves a widow and four children in Muleto. PATENTS MUST BE SPECIFIC. A Decision That Is Meant to Protect lll ventive Gening and the Public*. W ashington, Aug. B.—The Comimssioner of Patents has rendered a decision on one of the most important questions which has recently come before the office. The decision involves the technical construc tion of claims in patents, the employ ment therein of abstract phraseol ogy, general, indefinite and vague terms, such as “means,” “mechanism”—which may be construed to so broaden and ex pand the invention that every thing in the art is covered, all future inventors are re quired to pay tribute, and the public per petually taxed. The Commissioner says that the office is required to be vigilant, that an applicant shall not obtain claims which mislead, vex and harass the gen eral public, but hold him to his distinct invention as set forth in his claims—not w hat it is capable of being expanded into by general and indefinite language. The Com missioner holds that while a patentee is at liberty to employ such language and phrases as he elects, he is required to point out his particular invention, so that the people may not be deluded, nor the in ventive genius of the public deterred or frightened from pursuits in the same art or field of invention by a patent contain ing equivocal claims which in effect would suppress all further improvement. The Dead Alive. Paducah, Ky., Aug. B.—A colored woman named Annie Watkins, apparently died here on Saturday, and was to have been buried yesterday. The body was prepared for the grave and all arrangements for the funeral made. As the neighbors were gathering for the sad .rites, the supposed corpse surprised everybody by sitting up in her coffin. The assembled mourners fled in wild confusion, greatly frightened, and refused to return. Some white wo man went to the house and assisted her, and Annie has so far recovered as to be able to participate in the emancipation celebration to-day. ■ ■ ♦ ♦ A Wild Man Captured. Oakland, 111., Aug.B.—A veritable wild man was captured by the citizens of Sar gent Township to-day. He had hair that measured over five feet in length, and from appearances it had not been combed for years. His beard was fully two feet in length, and covered all of his face. His language is unintelligible, and no trace of where he came from can be dis covered. It took the combined strength of a dozen men to hold him in order to bind his hands and feet. The citizens are a quandary what to do with their catch. Harvest Hands Scarce. St. Paul, Minn., Aug. B.—Reports from all over the country north of St. Paul, par ticularly in the vicinity of Crookston, Grand Forks, Warren and Larrimere, say that there is a great scarcity of harvest hands, and that probable injury to crops will follow unless sufficient help is ob tained at once. Farmers are offering from $2 to $2.50 per day. Fatally Hurl on His Wedding Day. Lancaster, Pa., Aug. B.—Daniel Rose, of Mount Joy, this county, fell between the cars on the Northern Central railroad, at Clark’s Ferry, this morning, and was fa tally injured. He was on his way to be married. He was taken to the Harrisburg Hospital. Aged Couple Murdered by Robbers. Lock Haven, Pa., Aug. B.—The intelli gence was received here this evening that an old man and his wife named Colby were murdered in their home on the mountains south of this city last night. The motive of the crime is supposed io have been robbery. Dairymen’s Protective League. Chicago, August B.—The dairymen of tho Fox River Valley, 111., have formed a pro tective league, and propose to raise the price of milk to twenty cents a gallon. They are losing heavily on account of the great drought. MILWAUKEE’S IIOIIKOR. Deplorable Accident at the Launch ing of a Vessel. Seven Person* Killed and a Great Many Injured. Milwaukee, Wis., Aug. 7.—By a pecu liar accident at the launching of the huge steamer William H. Wolf at Well & Da vidson’s ship-yard yesterday afternoon, seven persons were killed outright, several others fatally injured, about fifty badly hurt, and a large number of others less seriously injured. About one thousand people had gathered to witness the launch. The docks were lined, vessels crowded and every scow and lumber pile was black with spectators. Directly opposite the cradled vessel was the large coal dock of the Northwestern Fuel Company. It is a roofed dock, with huge derricks for un loading coal. Upon the roof of this coal shed a large number of people had assembled. The view from that point was a fine one, as the vessel moved directly toward the dock. As the Wolf struck the water her port bilge was buried deeply in the black water of the slip; then she recovered and rolled heavily to port. The water dis placed by her hull rose like a tidal wave and swept over the coal dock and up to ward its roof, causing a cloud of coal dust and spray. The supports of the dock were insufficient to withstand the force of the wave, and about forty feet of the shed went down with its living freight, lnstan ly the shed went down there was wild ex citement. A scene of indescribable con fusion ensued, but a few cool-headed peo ple at once set to work to rescue people thrown into the river and rescue those buried in the debris of the platform. Patrol wagons were summoned and ex press wagons turned into ambulances, and the dead and injured were carried away. Owing to the fact that many cases of injuries were not reported,the unfortun ates being hurried home in carriages by relatives and friends, it is almost impos sible to ascertain the full extent of the ac o!dent. .■-■ ♦ ♦ ■ Indian and American Wheat. London, Aug. 8. —Mr. Smeaton, Director of Agriculture of the North-west Provin ces of India, has issued a note on compe tition between Indian and American wheat. He says that India possesses means to compel America to withraw her hostile tariffs and open her markets to British industry, but is burdened by higher railway freight charges, excessive handling and apparently (though not really) inferior quality. He advises Lon don merchants to use their influence with the railways. A Murderer Suicides. Quincy, 111., Aug. 7.—Julius Albrecht, a murderer who was confined in jail await ing trial, committed suicide yesterday in his cell by cutting with a razor which he stole coieredinmate of the jail. AlbreeWris the came here a few weeks ago from Jackson, Miss., to kill his divorced wife and her husband, and in shooting at the woman’s husband, he hit and killed young Martin Currier, a son M his wife by her present husband. • —. Anxious to be Introduced. Detroit, Mich., Aug. 7.—A Free Press Eaton special says: Frank Clark was night by John Williams, and died this morning at 5 o’clock. Clark in sisted on being introduced to a young wo marjwith whom Williams attended the Salwt ion Army meeting, but being re fused, lie assaulted Williams and was shot. Both men are members of respect able families, and of generally quiet de positions. Natural Gas in Minnesota. CniCAGO, Aug. 7.—A Times special from Albert Lee, Minn., says: An investiga tion of the natural gas discovered a few miles west of here shows that three wells on different farms, lately sunk, produced a flow of gas that was immense in volume and which forced itself in the air a dis tance of from ten to fifty feet, making a roaring that was heard nearly half a mile. Discriminating Against Colored Men. Chicago, Aug. 7.—A Times special from Springfield, 111., says: S. B. Turner, editor of the State Capital, the colored paper of this city, has bad arrested the proprietors of a restaurant who refused to serve meals on Saturday to him and two colored friends. The warrants were taken out under the State civil rights law of 1885. All of the Amendments Defeated. Galveston, Tex., Aug. 7.—Returns re ceived by the Galveston News from 507 vot ing precincts in the State show a majority of 93,645 against the prohibition amend ment. and indicate that the amendment has been defeated in the whole State by over 125,000 votes. There is no doubt that all the other amendments are defeated by smaller majorities. Texas Prohibition Election. Galveston, Tex, Aug. 7.—The election returns received last night were meager aud came in slowly. Those received up to midnight did not increase the majority against the prohibition amendment con tained in yesterday’s report by over 3,000, making the total majority thus far against the amendment 73,000. Wholesale Murder. Macon, Ga., Aug. 7.—Near this city, Captain Woolfalk, his wife, six child ren and an aunt of his wife were murder ed by being beaten on the head and having their throats cut. A son by a former wife is under arrest charged with the crime. Canadian Vessels Seized. San Francisco, Aug. 7.—Four Canadian vessels a;.d one American schooner have been seized in the Behring's sea by U. S cruisers and taken to Sitka. TUfcy have been catching American seal contrary to law. A COAL OIL CAN. Four Children Fatally Horned at Etna Fa., by an Explosion. Pittsburgh, Aug. 5. —Last evening Mrs. Owen Hade, living on the Morning Side road, near Etna, Pa., left her four child ren in the house while she carried her hus band’s supper to him at the Isabella Fur nace, probably a mile away. During heF absence the oldest child, Eddie, aged eight, years, took the oil can and poured the fluid in the stove, as he had often seen his mother doing when she started the fire. An explosion followed, and the burning oil was scattered over the room, envelop ing the four children. The screams of the little ones attracted the attention of the neighbors, who came to their assistance and soon extinguished the flames. The child ren, however, were terribly burned, and the youngest, aged sixteen months, died in a short time. The others, Eddie, Sophio and Johnnie, aged eight, six and three years respectively, are still living but the physicians say they can not recover. The parents are almost crazed with grief. RACE WAR. \ Deadly Fusilade Between Whites and Blacks in Louisiana. Nacogdoches, La., Aug. s.—Last night at .he close of a concert in the suburbs of the town a deadly eacounter occurred between seven or eight white boys on the one side and ten or fifteen negroes on the other. The negroes provoked the fight by halt ing the whites and drawing their pistols. Forty or fifty shots were ex changed at very close range. Of the ne groes, Jeff Simmons was shot through tho heart; Porter Anderson was mortally wounded, Tom Thorn received a bullet in his shoulder, Levi Allison received several slight wounds. Giles Holton was the only one of the whites injured. He received a slight wound in the hip and a dangerous one in the leg. Error in History Corrected. Boston, Aug. s.—During the recent con tention of colored veterans in this city it was stated in the discussions that the first colored troops enlisted in the late war came from Massachusetts. General B. F. Butler has to-day published a letter in which he states that this is a mistake, and hemsserts that in 1862 he enlisted three regiments of colored troops in New Or leans, and had them in action a long time before colored soldiers were used else where. He writes the letter, he says, to correct an error in history. Town Destroyed by Wind. Kansas City, . —Millbrook, Graham County, twenty miles north of here, was almost destroyed, about sun down yesterday, by a straight wind com ing from slightly west of north. The place contains about five hundred inhabitants. Only one house, a residence, escaped ser ious damage. One person, a boy three years old, was killed. About twenty-five were injured. iSoffie sustained broken limbs, but only one of the injured is likely to die. No Trouble at Morehead. Louisville, Aug. 5.—A Courier-Journal special says all is now quiet at Morehead, with no prospects of immediate further trouble. Another dispatch from a respon sible party at Morehead says ths report of trouble at Morehead on Thursday, sent out from Lexington, was a canard, and that there was no disturbance or killing of the kind. The business of the Court is progressing quietly, and no trouble is an ticipated. Kalakaua Signs the New Constitution. San Francisco, Cal., Aug. 5.—A special M the Chronicle from Port Townsend says: The bark Colusa arrived from Honolulu to-day, with Hawaiian advices to July 13. King Kalakaua signed the constitution on July 10. This deprived Kalakaua of monarchial powers, and leaves only the power to draw salary and grant pardons. Ex-Premier Gibson escaped on a bark sailing from Honolulu, and is now on tho way to San Francisco. Mooney the Dynamitard. New York, Aug. 5. —The police to-day lay that Mooney, who tried to blow up the steamer Queen, is an ex-Fenian and ex member of the Clan-na-Gael, and is be lieved to have had a hand in the attempt to blow up the local Government buildings in London and the Parliament House in Quebec, besides the explosion on the steamer GuyaMdotte and the burning of the pier. ♦ -♦ Want to Settle in Canada. Ottawa, Ont., Aug. s.—Mormons from Salt Lake City are making application to the Dominion Government for homestead lands in the vicinity of Medicine Hat, Northwest Territory, with a view to form ing a settlement of the faithful. The mat ter is under consideration. ♦ » ■ - - Chicago Boodiers Sentenced. Chicago, Aug. s.—The jury in the Chi cago “boodle” cases returned a verdict of guilty in the case of each of the eleven de fendants. Seven were given two years in the penitentiary and four were fined SI,OOO. Torn to Pieces by Lightning. Knoxville, Tenn., Aug. s.—Wm, Mer ritt, a colored station hand in the employ of the East Tennessee, Virginia and Georgia road, was struck by lightning near Loudon, and torn to pieces. Wounded in a Duel. New Orleans, Aug. s.—Emil Revoire and M. Larrieu, of New Orleans, fought a duel with short swords in St. Bernard Parish. La. The latter was wounded in he breast and right arm. Ferdinand Fears the Czar. London, Aug. s.—The reports announc ing the departure of Prince Ferdinand for Bulgaria are untrue. He has so far hesi tated to make his entry into the Bulgarian capital, in spite of the obvious wish of Austria that he should do so, and will probably not now venture to brave the wrath of the Czar. VOL. IV.—NO. 25. PITH AND POINT. —As fire trieth iron, so temptation trieth man. —T. a Kempis. —Sometimes it is extremely hard to tell where frankness ends and impu dence begins. Chicago Ledger. —Education is 4 good thing when it does not directly unfit a man for work ing for a living.— N. O. Picayune. —Fruitless is sorrow for having done amiss if it issue not in the resolution to do so no more.— Bishop Horne. —lf some men knew as much as they talked there wouldn’t be any sale for the encyclopedia.— Somerville Jour nal. —A doctor says “onions are about, the best nerve remedy known.” It re quires a good deal of nerve for a so ciety girl to eat them. —Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. This is the service of a friend.—Emer son. —Blobson—“Don’t you think Simp kins is a very bright young man?” Dumpsey—“Well—yes; he would be if his cheek was polished. "-—Burlington Free Press. —There are lots of men in this wor’.d vvho are born to rule, hut the other fel low's are such a pack of ignoramuse-s that they can’t be made to realize it. —Merchant Traveler. —A great and good mind only can properly value and really comprehend the mentai and moral excellence of a great and good mind. Youth. —ln all things throughout the world the men who look for the crooked will see the crooked, and the men who look for the straight can see the straight Buskin. —“What is a masked ball?” asked an old gentleman from the country, of his niece, who was both a beauty and a wfit. “A masked ball is a charitable institution for the benefit of ladies of homely features,” she replied. —What They May Find.— Coquettes who refuse to discover True love, and mislead with a ruse, Who will not from the heart choose a lover, May find there’s no lover to choose. —Teoas Siftings. “How does it happen that there are so many old maids among the school teachers?” asked a reporter of a teacher the other day. “Because school teachers are, as a rule, women of sense; and no woman will give tip a S6O position for a $lO man,” was the reply. Cartersville (Oa.) Courant. —Minks—“Beats all what people these women are about business. I gave my wife $5 this morning to go shopping, and all she had to show for it at noon was a couple of pairs of stockings.” Jinks—“Yes, that’s the way it goes. I’ve been there. By the way, these are mighty good cigars. Minks.” Minks—“Tliey ought to be; cost me sl2 a hundred”— Omaha World. —A Boston physician tells of a case of an attack of hay fever that was ar rested by the patient breaking his leg. Hay-fever victims who go several hun dred miles from home to escape the isease should cut this out and paste it on their handkerchiefs. If breaking: a leg should fail to effect a cure in some oases, breaking the neck would be cer tain to go right to the spot. Beware of imitations.— Norristown Herald. CHESTNUTS AND RATS. An Important Class fication Prepared for Younj Lady Readers. For the benefit of a young lady read er the Globe furnishes the following classification of “rats” and “chest nuts.” CHESTNUTS. 1. An old story, which, though not heard for years, has been common property at some time in the world’s history. 2. A new story, so far as circulation is concerned, but which has been heard before. 3. Repetition of the same idea or phrase, as when your best fellow rises for the twentieth time during the even ing and says: “Well, I must be go ing,” just for the sake of getting you to ask him to stay. 4. Old songs. Old saws. Cold victuals left over from a former meaL Last year’s suit. Colds. Coughs. Squeaking doors. Weak coffee. Dried apple pie. Hard doughnuts. Baked beans. RATS. 1. The fellow who asks when your next birthday comes, for he wants to make you a present. 2. The girl who gave a party and did not invite you, because she “didn’t know you wfcre in town.” 3. The fellow who wants to take you out to ride, but all the horses are en gaged. 4. The breakfast bell in the middle of a nap. Rain beating on the roof the morning your new dress is to be finished. A letter from home that does not contain money. A walk to the post-office to find a note from an aged aunt when you expected one from “Neil.” Tight shoes. A hole in your stocking. Buttons off. A bad fit. Pimples. Can’t do as you want to. — Boston Globe