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Dafle Cony Ties. TRENTON, GEORGIA. During the year 1888 nearly 700 per sons disappeared in Philadelphia, a largo percentage of whom were never heard of. There were a greater number of lynch ings in this country last year than there had been in any previous year since 1880, except 1884. The New York Herald doubts if it is good policy for any American tourist to go to Cuba, as lawlessness is rife and Americans are hated. i The City of Mexico is full of tramps, and the anti-American papers satirically refer to them as “prominent Americans visiting the Capital.” The Cleveland Plain Dealer is prepared to see spectacle makers grow rich out of the next generation, as so many school children are obliged to wear glasses. The Legislature of Ohio will be asked to pass a law prohibiting any minister of the Gospel from being present at an exe cution as the spiritual adviser of the con demned. Boston’s January dividends amounted to $12,500,000, a million and a half more than those distributed in Philadelphia. On an even distribution this would give every Bostonian S3O, and every Philadel phian sll, - The Bermuda Islands are at last to be connected by telegraph with the re mainder of civili/.ation. A line from there to Halifax, 750 miles in length, will be begun in the spring, and the British Government will pay a subsidy of $60,000 per year. The Chinese Immigration Bureau of San Francisco, which has for a long timo been doing a large business evading the law and helping Mongolians to land in this country, has finally shut up shop. It would seem, infers the Chicago News, as though the chinks in the tence had finally been stopped up. It has been noted iu the Chicago Times as a strange coincidence that Ellis Phelan, an ex-Confcderate soldier, was elected Judge of Probate in Waterbury, Conn., at the last election, and on the same day a Union veteran was chosen a member of the Alabama Legislature in the same district where Phelan formerly lived. A recent judicial ruling upon the question, When is a man drunk, is: “When consciousness becomes modified in any degree whatever through the influence of alcohol, and when, or as long as, no exercise of independent nervous force is adequate to restore it to a normal state, the man so affected is drunk.” With the first of this year Germany abandoned the old pound weight and adopted the metric system in its entirety. America, which set the example of the metric system in her decimal coinage, still lingers behind, says the New York Telegram, in adopting this convenient and logical progression of weights and measures. Cremation societies are being aug mented in this country by women of the better clase, who are joining them rapidly. In New York, Brooklyn and Boston particularly there are a great many well-known women enrolled among the cremationists, and the movement is endorsed by a sti 1 greater number who have not taken pains to become mem bers. The Michigan cattle breeders propose to ask the Legislature to enact that all meat supplied to State institutions shall be from animals fattened and killed in Michigan. They also ask for a meat inf spection law, which shall provide that all cattle killed for consumption within towev of more than 3000 inhabitants shall first have been inspected alive and on foot. During 1888 the number of failures in the United States was 10,500, against 9740 in 1887. But the aggregate liabili ties of the parties failing in 1888, where about ten per cent, less than in 1887, while the aggregate assets of the failing traders are only four per cent, smaller. This gain in the ratio of assets certainly “indicates increased healthfulness in commercial conditions,’’ as a leading au thority on the subject puts it. The livery of the coachman of Count d’Arco Valley, the German Minister at Washington, is creating a sensation in that city. Gold and lace seem to be the principal part of it. A double row of silk buttons runs down the front, while rows of gilt cord are swung across the breast and fastened upon the right side, from which depends a sword. The tall t>lue hat is decorated with a plume and cockade of German colors. No one seems to know what the sword is for, unless it is to “cut behind’’ at the small boys, whose republican irreverence causes them to “steal a ride” on the gor geous equipage. It is proposed to make a new county for Connecticut from the Sixth and Twentieth Senatorial districts. The same suggested iS “Waterbury” County, ind it would include eighteen towns, with an aggregate wealth of $22,458,093. It has been discovered by the New York Tribune that the grave of William Penn is in a sadly neglected condition. There is not even a mound above it, and jnly a flimsy slab of stone stuck in the ground, at the head or foot— no one can tell which. The Friends do not approve af the erection of elaborate and costly monuments, but there surely could be no abjection to some more definite and per manent marking of such an interesting ipot. ' The Duke of Edinburgh has won for fiimself the distinction of being perhaps the only man who ever despatched a ship on a journey to fetch a trunk. The oc casion was the recent trip of the Duke and Duchess to Greece, and the trunk, which contained a part of the Duchess’s wardrobe, was accidently left at Malta. Instead of telegraphing to have the next steamer bring along the missing baggage, the Duke sent one of the vessels of the squadron after it. Says the Washington Star: “Phila delphia statistics show that the suicides of the city during the past year reached the astonishing number of 99, more than three times as many as the homicides. The quiet and self-restrained people of the City of Brotherly Love destroy thei 1 own lives rather than those ot theii neighbors. Perhaps the monotony ol life and of residence architecture causes them to grow weary, oh, so weary, and to wish that they were dead.” The combined Vanderbilt wealth, ac iording to the New York World, amounts to $274,000,000, and the estimated in come from it per annum is $13,861,400. No other single family in the world is so rich. If kept intact the total fortune will at the end of twenty-five years almost reach $1,000,000,000, and this result will be attained by the simple arithmetical progression of compound interest. The rapid increase of the Van derbilt millions clearly shows how money begets money. The inventive genius who got up the drop-a quarter-into-the-slot-and-take-an opera-glass device, which has been in troduced into one of the New York theatres, has received a bad setback at the outset. A busy newspaper has in terviewed the doctors on the subject. One of them says: “It is certain that contagious diseases of the eye can aud will be transmitted from png, person tc another by the use, as proposed, of these opera-glasses.’’ Several other physicians concur in this opinion. Vice-President-elect Morton’s place at Ehinebeck, on the Hudson, was origi nally purchased from the Indians in I 1686 by Gerrit Aartsen, Arrie Roosa, I and Jan Elting. In 1702 it was sold tc Hendrick Heermance, the son-in-law of Aartsen, who left it to his son-in-law, Jacobus Kip. It remained in the Kip family until 1814, when it was sold tc Maturin Livingston. It passed through several other hands, until it was pur chased by William Kelley, of New York, who added a thousand acres to it, spent a fortune on it, and whose heirs at his death sold it at a sacrifice to Mr. Morton. Mr. Morton has also spent s fortune in improving it, and it will be, when completed, one of the costliesl places in the United States. The St. Louis Qlobe-Democrat de clares that “the introduction of leprosy into the United States must be stopped and the terrible diseu&i stamped out at once, or it will be the most unmanage able of all epidemics that visited our laud. There is no longer any question of its being communicable. The lepers have invaded British Columbia, and had such free access to the Indians that the whole race of red men is in fected. The antagonism to Chinese im migration will be more widespread than sver, and will be based on something be fides race prejudice. It would be far better to stop quarantining against yellow fever and smallpox, for while the lattei till more quickly, leprosy devours its victims with a living death. When will our authorities get aroused to appreciate the danger that is coming upon us!” One-fifth of the immigration to this port from Europe last year, observes the New York Sun, was from two countries which have only recently begun to con - tribute to our population—ltaly and Russia. The report from Castle Garden shows that out of 383,030 immigrants for the year 43,683 were Italians and 32,- 937 were Russians. The immigration from these two countries was as high as that from Germany,and the immigration from Italy alone was just about equal tc that from Ireland. We are informed that very nearly the whole body of im migrants classified as “Russians” be longed to the Hebrew race, and that they find life here so much more desirable than they found it under the Czar, ol Russia that they are encouraging their brethren whom they left behind them tc follow their example in coming tc America. There are several interesting features :n the Castle Garden report fo7 the pa?* \EoTtSrtL)A.Y. My friend, hespoke of a woman face; It puzzled me, and I paused to think, He told of her eyes and mouth, the trace Of prayer on her brow, and quick as wink I said: “Oh yes, but you wrong her years. She's only a child, with faiths and fours That childhood fit. I tell thee nay; She was a girl just yesterday.” “The years are Swift and sure, I trow,' (Quoth he). “Vou speak of the long */ Once I strolled in a garden spot, And every flower upraised a hex, (So it seemed), for they, I wot, Were mates of mine; each b!oom and bed, Their hours for sleep, their marry mood, The lives and deaths of the whole sweet brood, Were known to me; it was my To visit them hut yesterday. Spake oue red rose, in a language low: “VVe savv you last in the Eng ago.” Entering under tUe lintel wide, I saw the room; ’twas aT the same; The oaken press and the shelves aside, The window small for the sunset flame, The book 1 loved on the table large; I opo’d and lo! in the yellow marge The leaf I placed was shrunk and gray, I swear it was green but yesterday. Then a voice stole out of the sunset glow: “You lived here, man, in the long ago.” Tis the same old tale, though it come 3 to me By a hundred paths of pain and glee, Till I guess the truth at last, and know That yesterday is the long ago. —Richard R. Burton, in Harper's Weekly. DORA'S SISTER. “I do hope you’ll like her, Burton,” said Dora, leaning toward her handsome youug brother-in-law, with her pretty eyes bright with eagerness; “and 1 don’t know how you can help it. Every body does. And 1 don’t think you’ll find her gawky. I know you’ve always thought me rather provincial, Burton', dear ” “No, no,” her brother-in-law inter posed. “Oh, yes, you have; and I know I am. But Lucy’s ever so much nicer than I am. She’s prettier in the first place ” “Impossible:” said Burton, gallantly. “And then,'’ said pretty Mrs. Salkeld, earnestly, “she's awful-ly bright. iShe’s been away at boarding-school for four years. She hasn’t stayed in Gordon Centre as I did, you know, till Alfred came and took me away. And she’s al ways so stylish, and . Well, wait till you see her. 1 know you’ll like her, Burton.” “I m certain of it, Dora,” Burton de clared, reassuringly. Mrs. Salkeld rose lingeringly, in re sponse to a small cry from the nursery. “Sarah never can find the pins in that little blessing when he cries, and I know they’re there. She’s coming to-morrow, you know, Burton. You’ll come right around to see her, won’t you? Ever so many have promised to call.” ‘ I’ll come immediately after break fast,” Burton re joined. His sister-in-law laughed as she went through the but she looked bskdc at him with seriousness. I* would not have been hard for a keen observer to guess that she was not with out a timid ambition concerning her brother-in-law and her sister Lucy— timid, because Mjrton was, iu the es timatAn of his wife, as nearly a pet»t being, morally, mentally and as had ever existed—the one person who enjoyed an equal distinction being her husband. If it had been any girl but Lucy, she was sure such a thing would never have entered her head. But Lucy! She smiled with sisterly fondnesses she rum maged among the baby’s flannels for the offending pin. Dora s brother-in-law called promptly at eleven o’clock the next morning. He was a good-natured and conscientious young gentleman, and he would have disappointed Dora on no account. But his mood, a 3 he rang the bell and pulled off a glove, was not an especally eager one. He was too polite to form ulate his feelings, even to himself: but had he done so, the fact would have been clear that he ? didn’t expect much from Lora’s sister. A pretty girl she might be; Dora was pretty. But a girl fresh from Gordon Centre, though she had had four years at a country boarding school! The young man raised his brows, with a slight smile. Nothing, however, should prevent his doing his utmost for Dora’s sister. His good breeding did not even allow his dubious smile to remain. He looked seriously expectant when the door opened. “Mrs. Salkeld is just gone out. Her dressmaker’s little boy is worse, and she wept dpwn to see him,” the servunt ex plained. “Miss Trumbull is in?” Burton queried. “Yes, sir; Miss Trumbull came this morning.” Burton gave the girl his card, put his hat and overcoat on the rack, and took ■ a seat in the parlor. It was some twenty minutes before Dora’s sister came down. Burton was deep in the latest maga zine when the door at last admitted her. She came in with a sweeping rustle of draperies, a beaming smile aud a warm greeting. “Mr. Salkeld, ain’t it? Burton. I come pretty near saying. Dora she al- 1 ways calls you Burton, and it was jest on the end o’ my tongue. Well, I’m real glad to see you. Dora she’s told me all about you, but hearing about folks ain’t like seeing ’em.” She shook hands warmly, rolled an ; ottoman in front of the largest chair with a strong push, sat down with her feet on the stool, and smiled yet more broadly. “Well, I’m awful glad to get here. I’ve been coming for 1 don’t know how long, but I hain’t seemed to get round to it; and so last week I savs to pa: ‘lf I'm going up to Dora’s, I’m jest going to go.’ And pa says all right, to fix up and go, then; and ma and I jest went right round and put things together what I needed, and pa took me down to the cars Monday morning, and here I be. I ain’t a bit used up, neither; ma, she said I would be.” She laughed quite heartily, tapping the arm of her chair and fingering the bow ol ribbon on top of her head. Burton murmured something in re ponse—he did not know what. He sat stiffened in the attitude of polite defer ence which he had assumed, quite motion'ess. He felt no desire to smile; he was too much shocked and appalled for that. Good heavens! this was far worse than anything he had imagined. His head fairly buzzed; he sat staring at Dora’s sister in utter blankness. “Pretty big place you’ve got here, hain’t you?” Miss Trumbull proceeded, her cordiality unaffected by his silence. “Considerable bigger’n Gordon Centre, I guess. I hain’t never b’en in cities much, and I get kind o’ turned round in ’em. I don’t know as I should like it living here. It’s *o kind o’ lonesome, j meeting so many people you ain’t i acquainted with. Why, in Gordon Centre there ain't anybody in town you don’t know; and if you do see a stranger, | it ain’t very hard to find out who ’tis.” j Burton gasped. Was it possible that Dora could have believed what she had : said about her sister? Yes; he reflected j that Dora had not seen her before for some time, and her fondness for her, and her good tempered admiration of every body, had done the rest. Burton gazed at her. Her clothes did not fit: she had a string of beads on, and a blue bow aud a breast-pin at her neck, and red ribbons on her hair. Pretty? Yes, she was undeniably pretty; that he admitted freely. But stylish, and not provincial? What could Dora have been thinking of? The young man passed his hand across his forehead weakly. '"“I s’pose I’d have be’nhere long ago,” Dora’s sister went on, serenely, “if I hadn’t be’n off to school. Dora, she’s told you I’ve be’n to boarding-school for four years, I s’pose? ’Most all the Gor don Centre girls get along with what learning they can get to home, and I think myself it’s plenty. But pa, he thought different, and ma joined in with i him. She’most generally does. I don’t know as I learnt much. The East Low ville Seminary don’t amount to so terri j ble much. East Lowville ain’t so big as ; Gordon Centre: but pa’s satisfied, I s’pose. Ever be’n out our way?” “I have never had that pleasure,” Burton contrived to say. “Well, it’s a real likely place, Gordon j Centre is, if it ain’t so big as some. There’s considerable going on ’most all the year. There’d be’n two sociables the week before I come away, and there was going to he a warm-sugar party that night, I hated to miss it. Do you have much going on here?” Burton took out his watch and dazedly consulted it. “We have no sociables uor warm sugar parties,” heiesponded, grimly. And then he rose. “I am sorry to be obliged to go; but I have an engagement at twelve,” he said, bowing. 1 He would have retired without further ceremony, but Dora’s sister intercepted him with outstretched hand. “Goodness! you hain’t be’n here above fifteen minutes,” she said, regretfully. “Well, comein again—drop in anytime. I don’ know jest how long I’ll be here— long as Dora’ll keep me, 1 s’pose.” She talked on with friendly confi dence, accompanying him to the door, and standing by while he put on his hat and overcoat. He was aware, as he went rapidly down the street, that she was standing in the doorway and watching his de parture. He spent the rest of the day in trying to forget Dora’s sister, but he found it not altogether possible; he had been too deeply astonished and horrified. He had not expected much, he reflected somewhat wrathfully over a cigar in his office; but what he had found. And Dora’s description! Surely love —and sisterly love particularly—was blind. He was glad it was the night of the Gills’s reception. If anything was calcu lated to remove unpleasant impressions, it was one of the Gills’s receptions. He wondered, with a qualm, whether Alfred and Dora would go—and take Miss Trumbull. Of course they had cards. Well, at least he could keep a safe dis tance. Almost the first person he saw, as he entered the Gills’s spacious but crowded rooms, was his sister-in-law. She greeted him eagerly. “We were so afraid you wouldn’t be here. I do want Lu yto have a good time, and it will be so much nicer to have somebody she knows. You’ll take her out for the first set, won’t you? un less she’s engaged.” “Miss Trumbull is here?” said Burton, wretchedly. “Why, yes, of course,” Dora rejoined, briskly. There she is. Doesn’t she look lovely? And she’s taking so well! Mr. Sanford has been with her ever since we came, and ho never looks at a girl. But I don’t want him to get the first set, Burton dear. Do hurry!” She took his arm, led him over to the group she had been watching, and tripped away. The group was composed of one young lady and six gentlemen; and the young lady was Dora’s sister. t-he smiled on Burton graciously, and went on talking to Mr. Sanford, who looked radiant, bestowing an occasional smile upon one of the other five young men, who in turn looked happy. She wore a charmingly-fashioned, perfectly-fitting, and wonderfully pretty gown, and she looked dazzliuglv p etty herself. Her sole ornament was a bunch of roses at her corsage. She wafted her black gauze fan, and sparkled acros* it in all the glory of black eyes, white teeth and pink cheeks. “Oh, I don’t know that 1 am prepared to admit that, Mr. Sanford,” she was saying, with a light laugh. “I’m aware of the vanity and shallowness of society in general; but I don’t admit that every individual composing society is vain or shallow. I believe that a good share ot the pleasure-seekers—those who seem mere pleasure seekers—are as serious at heart as the cynics and pedants who hold aloof. I believe that a certain amount of social gaiety is necessary to one’s happiness—yes, and welfare. Emerson owns its value. Don't you remember that passage in his ‘Culture’ ” The orchestra in the next room struck up at the next moment. Miss Trumbull looked at her opponent brightly. “Now. Mr. Banlord. you will dance this quadrille as gaily as any of us, and it won’t prove your unworthinesseither. We shall see your theories confuted in practice.” She laughed mischievously. Mr. Sanford, with an enraptured smile, eagerly offered his arm; so did the other live young men, frantically. But Burton quietly intercepted them all. He placed Miss Trumbull’s hand within his elbow, with a firmness which was not to be ignored, and bore hei away. He did not take her to the danc ! ing-room; he led her to a sofa in a dim corner of the deserted hall, and sat down beside her. “Well?” he said, simply. Miss Trumbull put her fan to There was silence for a space. “I—l don’t know what made me dc it,” Dora’s sister murmured, with a queei mixture of apology and defiance m hei soft voice, and with her eyes cast down. “Only—Dora had told me all about you—” “So you remarked this morning,’’Bur ton interposed, with an attempt at stern ness. • ‘ Dora’s sister laughed guiltily. “And I got the idea—l don’t know how; she didn’t say-so,and I don’t think now that it is so—that you were—well, ‘proud and haughty,’ as the novels say: and when she begged me to be just as nice as I could, because you were so particulai and talked so much about how—how nice you are,” said Miss Trumbull, with a blush, “why, it mfde me feel contrary right away, and that ridiculous idea occurred to me, and—and I did it.” The corner was dim; but he saw quite plainly the pretty repentance and plead ing in her eyes; and Dora’s sister saw a full forgiveness in his. They laughed together, somewhat shyly. “Where did you get the—the things?” he queried, gazmg at her perfect attire. “Oh, the dress was Dora’s—she’s so much stouter.you know—and the beads are the baby’s, and I hunted all through my boxes for the ribbons 1 That’s what took me so long.” “And the East Lowville Seminary— you ribbed about that?” Burton ques tioned, moving nearer toiler. “Yes. Madame Bcauce ‘finished me. And you fibbed about your engagement at twelve?” “tes,” Burton confessed, inwardly wondering how he could have done it. How pretty she was! “Then we’re even!” said Dora’s sister, laughing with sweet gaiety, as she took his arm for a quiet promenade. Dora’s doubts and anxious question ings were speedily calmed. Her irre proachable brother-in law not only liked her pretty sister exceedingly, but her pretty sister liked him—so much so that a gay wedding at Gordon Centre that fall p r oduced another Mrs. Salkeld.— Saturday Night. Pet Animals Spread Disease. “The spread of diphtheria which has been so great lately,” remarked a West Side physician, “is largely attributed tc a carelessness that is crim’nal when the virulent nature of the distemper is con sidered. It is the experience of most physicians that almost all sickness comes from the ignorance or willful careless ness of the people, but iri no case is this so bad as in that of diphtheria, because of its extremely infectious character. Once diphtheria is knowi to exist the greatest precaution should be taken to prevent its spread, but instead of that nothing is done until all the children in a whole tenement house, or in fact in a whole block, are infected, tr at least en dangered, as was the case down on Tenth avenue lately. Pet animals are a common and con stant source of the spread of this distem per. Cats and dogs are permitted to be around and even to drink/the milk left by a child suffering froVn diphtheria. These animals take the disease and then go out and spread it amo: g their fellow animals, which in turn ca rry it into the houses where they belong. 1 have known several cases where a cat caught it in this manner and infected all the cats in the neighborhood, and wa j the cause of numbers of deaths of humjnn beings, for children will play with (cats and pet them if they appear sick. ( When in that condition a cat or other pet animal is more inclined than at other times to crawl up on people to get sympathy.and this makes the danger all the greater. A remarkable case of this kind occurred in my own house a few years ago. A little girl residing in the house con tracted scarlet fever aud died. During her illness a pet alligator was around, and soon after the child’s death the ani mal took sick and also died. A couple of medical students who were stopping in the hou=e made a post mortem exami nation of the alligator and found all the symptoms of death from scarlet fever. I made an examination myself, and there was no doubt whatever that the creature had caught the fever from the child, and had died of it. I know of no more pro lific agency in the spread of diseases of this kind than the household pets—the dogs and cats—of which some people are so fond.”— New York Mercury. Wonderful Are the Arabians. A wonderful people and m’ghty are the Arabians. How much we are in debted to them for the tires of Divine truth they caused to be infused into Euro pean literature in the seventh century. Much we may yet learn from their strict system of hygiene. Probably they are the best looking race on earth. If not descendants of Og. King of ancient Bas han —said by historians to have meas ured eleven feet six inches in height, and whose bedstead of iron was nine cubits and a span—equal to thirteen feet six inches —they come very close neigh bors to his proportions. Broad shouldered, tall, six, six and a half, seven and seven feet two inches -the average height being from five feet six and one-half inches to five feet nine and one-half inches tall. Dwarfs are unknown in Arabia. The life of that people is one of plainness and simplicity. Their food is mostly vegetable, often only one meal a day, taken at sundown. Washing the body in cold water is a specialty for health, winter and summer. They have no poor, no insane asylums or hospitals; and prisons are so few that thousands don't know of them. They are united as one man. and their unfortified coun try is uuconquerable as a result. They are said to be in possession of the spot where the Garden of Eden once stood, where herbs of a life giving nature grow and rare balsams for internal and exter nal use are found. Lettuce with them is highly prized, and if our people should eat more of it we should need less drugs. Everything is done in the name of Allah —God—the Most High and Merciful Lord, and for a semi-barbaric race I doubt not their happiness is to be coveted. D.troit Free Press. THE MAIDEN. There’s a poem in the lily With its lowly-bending head; There's a poem in the sunset With its brilliant tinge of red There’s a poem in the forest. In the lofty mountain wall; But the poem of the maiden Is the sweetest of them all. She is tall or she is slender With the lily’s face of white; She is lovely as the painting Made by sunset’s ro\v light; She is noble as the forest, As the lofty mountain wall; Ah, the maiden, of all nature; Is the sweetest gem of all! Let the cynic rant on fashion And its catalogue of whims; Let him teil of the flirtations At the church between the hymn*; Let him point at coquettes’ costumes In the operatic stall, Yet, the maiden, notwithstanding, Is the sweetest gem of all. Win, llosea Ballou, in dournalist. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Harmless “White Caps”—Nurses. Regular “old timers”—Dutch clocks. Well watched—A jeweler’s window. A bad scrape—An amateur’s violin solo. Schnapp judgment—Deciding a bet of the drinks. Down in a coal mine—A young miner’s first moustache. When the flakes begin to dance, look out for a snowball. Rolling stock —Cattle on board a steamship in a storm. The rain of terror —For a lady with no umbrella aud a new bonuet. A burglar who was recently prostrated with lockjaw cured him elf by picking the lock. A little girl’s view of it; “Minerva was the Goddess of Wisdom ; she never married.” The clarion notes of the rooster if written, would, no doubt, be divided by crow-bars.— Merchant Trace Ur. A parrot will talk on the least provo cation, but a crow seldom opens its mouth without caws. —New York World. You’ll write it us sure as fate. But don’t find fault or pine, But scratch witb care tire And make it 8.1. —Merchant Traveler. We sometimes say “out of sight out of mind, but we do not necessarily imply that a blind man is insane.— N. w York News. A.—“ The crop of young doctors m New York is going to be very large this year.” B. “Yes, but what will the harvest be?”— Siftings. Nature uses a great many quills with which to make a goose, but a man can make a goose of himself with only one. Orchard and Garden. “John, you are not listening to a word lam saying!” “Why, my dear, iam all ears.” “1 know you are, and that makes it all the more provoking.” A “deaf mute” church has been dedi cated in Philadelphia. A fellow could snore all through the service aud disturb nobody.— Danse il e Breeze. A young man who becomes em barrassed when he calls on a certain young lady, says she gives him the shake every time he goes to see her. The stores are now crowded no longer, The salesgirls get rest and grow stronger, While prices of gifts have so dwindled That some of us feel we’ve been swindled. Boston Budget. A Chicago clergyman who married three couple's on the cars the other day resents the suggestion that he allow himself to be patented as a car coupler. Chicago Post. Miss Parcutalstem (age thirty-five)— “So you are going to get married at last, Pauline?” Pauline—“ Yes, dear, I should think it was about time; you know I’m twenty-four.”— Life. “What is your fortune, my ancient maid?” ‘ My wealth is my fortune, sir,” she said. “Can I marry you, my pretty maid?” “If you are as wealthy, sir,” she said. New Yor , Sun. Wife —“Shall I put your diamond studs in your shirt, dear;” Husband— “ What on earth are you thinking of ? Do you want to ruin me! 1 have a meet ing with my creditors this morning.” — Jewelers' Weekly. Ethel ito her betrothed) —“Do learn to skate, George. I'm sure you would look lovely on ice.” George (a young and rising undertaken—“ Look lovely on ice, would I? Thank you. No hurry about it.”— Sijtings. Y'outhful Innocence: “One of you boys has been stealing raisins again; I have found the seeds on the floor. Which one of you was it?” Tommy— “lt wasn’t me. I swallowed the seed in mine. — Scranton Truth. “ Is marriage a failure:” he asked of a maid Who clung pretty close to his side; “ I’m sure I can’t tell, sir,” the young lady said— “ Until you have made me your bride!” —New York World. Jeweler —“The inscription you wish to have engraved on the inside of this ring, if I understand you, is ‘Marcellus to Irene.’ ” Young Man (with some em barrassment) —“Yes, that’s right. But —er —don't cut the ‘lrene’ deep.”—Chi cago Tribune. The Professor having given out as subject for an essay “The L'se of Navi gation,”! one of the students concluded his production with the somewhat novel statement: “And thus we may say: ‘The ship is the camel of the sea.’”— Faegende Blaetter. A Collin on Her Back. A very dignified lady of fifty, looking like a Duchess, strode through Union Square, New York. “That lady,” said one who knew her,carries a coffin on her back. She is a Berliner, and in her youth she had two lovers, both of whom she encouraged. Her fickleness brought on rivalry between them, ami at last one sent a challenge to the other. They fought a duel, iu which the younger of them was killed, and it is the shadow of this coffin that she carries through the streets of New York. After a time she married the rival who slew her lover, but in a short time he died under dramatic circumstances. She subsequently be came the wife of yet another man, who brought her to New York, where they are well known to many who do not know the record of her career.”