Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

Haig t’Bunty Tinas. TRENTON, GEORGIA. We pay $1,000,000 a year to the exjua tng surgeons in the pension service. The trust fever is spreading in Europe, notwithstanding the disastrous ending of the copper syndicate. Belgium is the only European country that has attempted to collect through its censuses the statistics of industry. The Troy (N. Y.) Press is satisfied that at least five billion dollars in gold and sil ver lie at the bottom of the different oceans. Train wreckers have a rough time in Mexico. The Government has them quietly shot, without any newspaper notoriety. Twenty years hence, predicts the De troit Free Press, no him tax will be able to discover a wild elephant on any portion of this glob*. ■ _._jrx 1 — Gold and silver discoveries goby nines: California, gold, 1549; Pike’s Peak, 1859; Nevada, 1869; Leadville, 1879. WTiere is the bonanza of 1889? A phase of benevolent work, which has come into public notice with especial prominence lately, notes the New Orleans Picayune , is the progress of town and city hospitals. The New York Methodist Conference passed a resolution deploring ilia custom of raising money for church and charitable purposes by fairs, bazaars, festivals, sup pers, pleasure parties and similar means of misleading or injurious tendency. Ceylon people aro interested in a rivalry as to who shall find the highest palm tree. An English railroad builder named Can trell made the first record of 110 feet, but Mr. Paton-Cray has just shown a palm 117 feet hight and takes the medal. The British naval programme for the future is colossal. In addition to the thirty-eight war ships of one kind or another now in construction, seventy more are to be laid down at a cost of $110,000,000, making 501 war ships by 1894. Of all the races of mankind that migrate to this country, the Italians care the least about becoming the owners of land. Few the far West to enter upon the work of tilling the soil, to live in cabins built by their own hands, and to “grow up with the country.” The Khalifa of Khartoum has kindly presented the Governor of Suakin with the head of Ras Alula, the great Abyssinian General, for a foot ball, announces the Chicago News. It is by such little court esies a 3 these that the people of the Orient have attained a lasting reputation for politeness. London has become recognized as the great clearing house for all European thieves who operate on a large scale. The proceeds for any great robbery com mitted in Europe, which it is intended to restore through negotiations, are always sent to be delivered in London, and there is as yet no legal way to put a stop to the traffic. Three countries in Europe look to their royal nurseries for the future occupants of their thrones. Alexander of Servia is •;hirteen, Princess Wilhelmine Helene of tolhe Netherlands is nine, and Alphouso DK 11. of Spain but three years of age. Hrhcre is something almost pathetic, ob serves the New York Voice, in the interest with which, in the turmoil of political strifes at this age of the world, national lives arc bound up in these children. The people of Rutland, Vt., tried the Australian system of voting at their last village district election, and a local paper reports that “over 150 votes had to be rejected owing to irregularity, while there was much grumbling before the day was over and some contested offices will result. This failure was due to no defect in the method, but to ignorance and the elimination of the element of secrecy— the voters being allowed to help and ad vise each other in the matter of erasures. When the practice of cremation was introduced here a few years ago, remark? the New York Sun, its advocates believed that it would soon supersede the custom /if burial. But it has not grown in favor as they supposed it would grow. The subject has just been brought under de bate in the King's County Medical Society, and cremation was strongly advocated by some of its members; but it is now evi dent that the popular feeling against the practice is*"of a kind that cannot be over come in this genet ation. The crematory is tooked upon as a pagan institution, not to be introduced into Christian countries. TIME KOMUON CHOMJ, TheJ&nppalnmnocVs stately tide, aglow with fwase* light, Ohom sweeping down between the hills that kenned its gathering might. From true side rose the Stafford slopes, and on the other shore ■Hie Spetteylvania meadows lay, with oak groves scattered o'er. Husbvd were the sounds of busy day; the brooding air was hushed. Save for the rapid-flowing stream that chanted as it rushed. O’er naead and gently sloping hills, on either side the stream, The white tents of the soldiers caught the sun’s departing beam — On Spottsylvania’s slopes the Blue; on Staf ford’s hills the Gray; Between them, like an unsheathed sword, the glittering river lay. Hark! Suddenly a Union band far down the stream sends forth The strains of “Hail, Columbia,” the paean of the North. The tents are parted; silent throngs of sol diers, worn and grim, Stand forth upon the dusky slopes to hear the martial hymn. So cleai - and quiet was the night that to the farthest bound Of either camp was borne the swell of sweet, triumphant sound. And when the last note died away, from dis tant post to post A shout, like thunder of the tide, rolled through the Federal host. Then straightway from the other shore there rose an answering strain. “Bonnie Blue Flag” cam# floating down the slope and o’er the plain. And then the Boys in Gray sent back our cheer across the tide— A mighty shout then rent the air and echoed far and wide. “Star-spangled Banner,” we replied they answered, “Boys in Gray,” While cheer on cheer rolled through the dusk, and faintly died away. Deeply the gloom had gathered round, and all the stars had come, When the Union band began to play the notes of “Home, Sweet Home.” Slowly and softly breathed the chords, and utter silence fell Over the valley and the hills—on Blue and Gray as well. Now swelling and now sinking low, now tremulous, now strong. The leader’3 cornet played the air of the beautiful old song; And, rich and mellow, horn and bass joined in the flowing chords, So voice-like that they scarcely lacked the charm of spoken words. Then what a cheer from both the hosts, with faces to the stars! And tears were shed and prayers were said upon the field of Mars. The Southern band caught up the strain; and we, who could sing, sang. Oh, what a glorious hymn of home across the river rang! We thought of loved ones faraway, of scenes we’d left behind — The low-roofed farm-house ’ueath the elm that murmured in the wind; The children standing by the gate, the dear wife at upuu oia barn floor. Oh! loud and long the cheer we raised, when silence fell again, And died away among the hills the dear familiar strain. Then to our cots of straw we stole, and dreamed the livelong night Of far-off hamlets in the hills, peace-walled, and still, and white. —James Buckham, in Harper’s Weekly. THE MAVERICK SILVER, • BY S. A. WEISS. It was a stormy November evening, with a high wind and a pouring rain— such an evening as makes people ap preciato the luxury of a pleasant home fireside. The Misses Maverick felt very comfort able as they sat in cushioned chairs, one on each side of the glowing fire, while between them the little tea-table gleamed with polished silver which reflected back the dancing blaze. No plated ware was this, but, as the ladies often boasted, solid sterling silver which had belonged to their grandfather; and having nothing else to show in token of what the Mavericks had been in their day, they prized this battered silver service above all things. As Miss Maverick often observed, she would pre fer to lose the housg over their heads, though it had been left them by an aunt, than part with one of those worn spoons engraven with the Maverick monogram. “Alice seems very long about the tea,” observed Miss Maverick, glancing at the clock. “I am almost sorry I allowed Nancy to go to her sister's. It is incon venient, and I never feel safe without her, in case of illness or accident. She hasn’t been long with us, but I think she’s to be trusted.” “She is certainly sufficiently out spoken,” said Miss Myra, nodding her little gray curls. “What do you think she said to me to-day? ‘Miss Myra,’ says she, ‘if that young doctor's too poor to support Miss Alice, as I heerd ye say, couldn’t ye let ’em have the rooms across the hall that's no use to anbodv but the mice, and that ’ud save ’em their rent?’ says she.” Miss Myra laughed a little, timid laugh, while she glanced half-wistfully at her sister, But she, stiff and erect, gazed into the fire. “Nancy must be taught to know, her place,” she said, sternly. “And as to Alice, I have already said that I will never consent to her marrying Doctor Darrel. Think of our bringing up that child, educating aud clothing her, in the hope that she would make a match worthy of a M&verick, and the first thing that we know she wants to throw herself away on a poor doctor—the son of a plain farmer —who has nothing' to depend upon but his practice, if he ever gets one.” “He may succeed in time,” said Miss Myra, who rarely ventured to differ from her more strong minded sister. “They say he’s clever, and people seem to like him. I would not be surprised if he and Alice marry at last.” “In that case they know what they have to expect of us!” returned Miss Maverick, grimly. “I will give the house to be an orphan asylum, and leave the silver and everything else -to the Home for Decayed Gentlewomen. It will be better there than with common crockery on Farmer Darrel’s table.” At this moment Alice entered, bearing the tea tray, an office which she had taken upon herself in order that Nancy might have liberty to visit her sister. She was a slight girl, with a fair, sweet face, and a gentle, appealing look, con trasting with Miss Maverick’s determinsd expression. She did not look happy. How could she, when she knew that to give herself to the man she loved would be to estrange from her the only relatives from whom she had found kindness and affection? Alice poured out the tea, and the ladies had just helped themselves to toast and marmalade, when Miss Myra gave a slight scream and pointed to the window opposite which she was seated. There between the curtains appeared a man’s face, and as they looked he nodded and beckoned. “For heaven’s sake, Alice,” said Miss Maverick,startled, “see who it is and what he wants!” The girl raised the sash slightly, but be fore she could speak, the man—who was leaning over from the porch—stooped and said, in a low and hurried voice; “Don’t be alarmed. lama policeman, and come to let you know that there are burglars on your premises. Let us in quietly, so as not to alarm.” Miss Myra sank pale and trembling on a sofa. Her sister, seizing a lamp in one hand and with the other firmly clutching Alice’s arm, went to the hall door and quickly unlocked it. Two *ien stepped in—one a dapper anfl well-dressed little man, and the other tall and stalwart, wearing a rough overcoat with a large cape. The moment he passed the threshold, he turned - the key and withrdew it from the lock. “They won’t escape by tills way,” he muttered, and cautiously followed the ladies into the room they had just left. Here he opened his overcoat, displaying a policeman’s shield and uniform, and again buttoned it. “I am Sergeant Angus,” he said, speak ing in the same low and cautious tone. “This gentleman—Mr. Martin—has just informed me that he saw two men enter your house awhile ago— —” •‘By the cellar window in the side yard,” replied Mr. Martin, who looked a little timid and uneasy. Sergeant Angus nodded and again ad dressed Miss Maverick: “It is possible the servants may have let them in.’ ( “Oh, dear, no! We have only one— our cook—and she was sent for an hour ago to see a sick relative.” The Sergeant smiled—a peculiar smile. •‘That’s an old trick, taking oneself out of the way to avoid suspicion. I will warrant, ma’am, tiy—rvant has a hand posted her accomplices. It is just there that we can best trap them. I have a man at the rear and will let him in.” Miss Maverick and alarmed out of h«(kelf-posse4Rsn. “I w<Ml never have dreamed it of Nancy. ®mt it’s the silver they’re after. Part of it is here, as you see, and the rest in the closet of my room, locked in an old leather trunk. I would'nt lose it for the world. Oh—” “Pray be quiet, ma’am!” said the Sergeant, almost authoritatively, “or they will hear you and take the alarm, which is your room?” “The one over this—” “Hist!” He held up his hand and listened. “I think I hear a sound overhead. They are probably at the closet. Now, ladies, whatever happens, keep perfectly quiet. Mr. Martin will stay by you, if you object to being left alone.” He examined a pistol which he took from beneath his coat, then softly left the room. Mr. Martin looked around. “Hadn’t you better put that silver out, of the way,” he suggested, “and any valuables that you have within reach?” “Certainly. Why didn’t I think of it?” said Miss Maverick, all of a tremble. And while Alice attended Miss Myra with vinegar and water, the elder sister, with Mr. Martin’s assistance, tied up the silver in a table-cover and thrust it out of sight under the valence of the big, chintz-covered sofa. Then she opened a writing desk, and took out a roll of bills, which she thrust deep down into her pocket—adding to them her own and Miss Myra’s mourning breastpins and rings. Next, she seized upon the family Bible and various photographs which hung above the mantle-piece, and with her treasures thus secured, stood rigid and alert, prepared for the worst. Ten minutes of dead silence ensued. Then they heard a step, heavy but cau tious, coming down the stairs. It crossed the hall, and entered the room next that in which they were. A moment after there was a sound of a muffled voice. Mr. Martin started up, and hastily motioning to the ladies to follow, glided out of the room. In her fright, Miss Maverick forgot even the precious silver under the sofa, and laden with the rest of her treasures, while Alice supported the limp and trembling form of Miss Myra, stumbled out into the pitch-dark hall. At the moment, some one rushed past them. Miss Maverick was pushed rudely against the wall, and fell, while a rough hand grasped her throat. “I’ve got you, you villain! Hare, An gus, lend us a hand! Why, hang it!” as he seized" Miss Maverick s false front hair, which came off in his hand, “it’s a wo man!” Then there was a scuffle, a sound of ; running feet down the cellar stairs, a i confused noise outside, pistol shots—and i, Mira Maverick, in the midst of her books and photographs, fainted dead away U the darkness. When she came to herself she was lying on the chintz sofa, with Alice kneeling beside her, bathing her hands in cam phor, while Doctor Darrel bent over her, stanching a slight wound on her fore head. Close by Nancy was ministering to Miss Myra, and indignantly discoursing: “ ’Twas jist one o’ their cunnin’ tricks, Miss Myra—bad luck so ’em! To think o’ me bein’ cheated into goin’ off a mile an’ more through wind an’ rain, to see my dyin’ sister an’ she dancin’ at the wed din’ !” “Where am I?” said Mis# Maverick, feebly. “Safe in your own house, my dear madam,” answered the doctor, cheer fully. And Alice looked half-timidly from him to her aunt. “The silver!” gasped the latter, with a sudden remembrance. 1 ‘lt is safe, also. We were in the alley, on the watch for the rogues, and they were compelled to drop the silver in or der to escape.” Miss Maverick rolled her eyes upward in a silent, but fervent, thanksgiving. Then she put her hand to her pocket, and her expression instantly changed. No pocket was there, but a great hole where it had been cut clean out—no doubt when she was knocked down and choked. “It was the fellow they called Martin,” explained the doctor. “He and his com panion—the pretended policeman—were the burglars. They both escaped, though Martin dodged a good while before he would drop the silver which he had helped to hide under the sofa. As for the contents of the pocket, he got off with that. Miss Maverick was too thankful at the recovery of her precious silver to take much to heart the loss of the money and other things. “Who gave the alarm?” she inquired, feebly. “I did, Aunty,” Alice said, with a blush. “The hall door was locked, but I broke one of the side lights and called for help, and Doctor Darrel, who was just entering his office, heard me.” “She called him by liis name,” said Nancy, excitedly, “an’ lucky ’twas he heerd her, for there wasn't a livin’ soul on the street but him and me. An’ he was over like a flash: an’ when she told him there were burglars, he rim for his pistils, and sent his boy fiyin’ for the per lice, and the first thing there was a crowd. An’ it’s him, mum, you’ve to thank for savin’ your lives, an’ the silver, an’ the house from bein’ burnt over your head, likelyri’ Mis- Maverick made no reply; but on the following day she pondered these things in her mind, and came to a con clusion. “Myra,” she said, “that Doctor Darrel is a very nice young man, after all.” “I always said so.” “And he was certainly the means of saving the silver, and was very kind to us.” “He certainly was; and you—we had » • - -J! t i-i “Burglars may make another attempt. I think we need a protector. ” “Undoubtedly we do.” “If he should marry Alice—” said Miss Maverick, thoughtfully. “They say he is a rising man, and his family very re spectable, though only farmers —” “Yes,” said Miss Myra, eagerly. “The house is large enough for us all; and it is a good thing to have a doctor in the family—and the silver would be safe.” Whereat Nancy, who overheard the whole from an adjoining room, danced a soft and silent dance of satisfaction and triumph—all for Miss Alice's sake. The silver shone very brightly on Alice’s wedding night, and the Misses Maverick have never since been troubled by burglars. —Saturday Night. Where Cars Are Run With Sails. I was looking at some models in the National Museum of curious cars used in the early days of railroading in this coun try, when Mr. Watkins, the curator, pointed out one particular one that had a mast and sail. Experiments with such cars were made on the Baltimore and, Ohio and on the South Carolina road. It was then a serious question whether the motive power on railroads would be sail, horse or steam. The steam locomotive ; was still looked upon as an experiment.' ! Sail cars are used to-day on a Guano rail road on the island of Malden, in the South Pacific. They are, in fact, used nearer home than that, for railroad men at Barne- - gat Beach, when the wind is favorable, -frequently ride over the road on construc tion cars—sloop-rigged. “The wind baa a good deal to do with railroading even to day,” Mr. Watkins said. If you go to the bureau of intelligence at the Broad street station, Philadelphia, and ask whether some train, say from New York, is likely to be on time, you may be in-, formed that it is likely to be four or five! minutes late, because there is a strong wind from the west. Winds make con-( siderable difference in the running time of trains. —Philadelphia Telegraph. The Coaling of Ocean Steamers. Talking the other day with a manager of one of our transatlantic lines he told a New York Star reporter some curious things about the coaling of ocean steamers and the work and men on board of the big ships. It appears that as time goes on the daily consumption of coal increases on all the Atlantic steamers, which must make the voyage now in seven days or under if they would hold their own and attract cus tom. To do this a vessel must burn from 200 to 300 tons of coal daily, making this item of expense over SISOO every twenty fours, requiring more men to handle it and taking up additional room in the hold of the ship. The Umbria burns twelve tons of coal per hour, and on every vessel of her size the journals and bearings of the machinery require 130 gallons of lubricat ing oil per day. The Cunard Line em ploys 4500 hands, including 1100 of a shore gang, 900 stewards, thirty-foui captains and 146 officers. HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS. wholesomt?ness ok bold food. Cold food, says the Boston Journal qf Health , is much more easily kept on a sen sitive stomach than hot; so, in cases where it is rejected in the ordinary warm or hot form, it had better be tried as near ly frozen as may be taken. In many fev ers this would be a decided advantage. Milk may be administered in a frozen state, often with a positive advantage. The Sanitary Era adds, from frequent in stances, that ice-cream suits admirably some conditions where hardly any other food is acceptable. CLEANING FINE LACES. To rub fine laces while washing them is ruinous. The following is the best method of doing them up: A thick blanket of soft rags is sewed around a bottle, and on this the lac# is pinned. The bottle is then placed in a bath of soapy, warm water; after soaking for twenty minutes it is boiled for some time and allowed to cool. It is dipped in sev eral baths of clear wat#r until all the soap seems to be removed. The lace is then taken off the bottle, and, after the water is gently pressed out, it is hung up to dry. When still slightly damp it is placed on a hair cushion covered with flannel and fastened with laoepins. This demands skill and patience. A pin is placed through each loop and a twist is given be fore the pin is fastened. When quite flij the lace is sponged with a weak soiutioh of gum arabic, which gives a new ap pearance when cry. ; — Brooklyn Citifen. TO PUT A GLOSS ON WOODWOBK. For gloss or enamel finish on smoothly dressed woodwork, now in favor, as good authority as Decorator and Furnisher glvei the following directions: It is done bj first putting on a good ground of white lead paint flatted and finely rubbed down with sandpaper. Then put into the paint some white copal varnish, sufficient tc leave an eggshell gloss when dry, being very careful that it is smoothly applied and laid off finely, leaving no runs oi strong brush marks. Then apply varnish alone, with just enough paint to cover it. This last coat must be flowed on the work, not rubbed out or brushed like the pre vious coats, but left on thicker or in greater body, evenly brushed out, so as not to be thicker in one place than another. Zinc white of the best quality, broken up thick with turpentine and strained very fine, should be used for the last two coats. Enamel finish, to retain its pure white, should be made with zinc ground in var nish for the purpose,the first coat thinned with turpentine, the last with good copal varnish. HOUSE CLEANING SUGGESTIONS. In cleaning bed chambers all furniture should be moved, pictures and ornaments taken from the walls and carpets taken up. Bare walls, if hard finished, should be wiped down and papered over, cleaned off with a dry cloth: Paints should be washed; windows washed and polished, floors wiped off with hot wateT, and rinsed with strong brine. In washing t.i-iyipc very ly■* <■!ur nlwuiLi be used, and after drying thoroughly, they should be sprinkled with benzine to de stroy vermin and moths. Carpets should be freed from dust before putting down. If spots of greese or dirt still remain, they can be removed with hot water and pearline. When bed chambers are in order, the parlor and dining-room should be cleaned in the same way, and then the kitchens, where special care should be taken. All the baiting pans, tin ware and crockery utensils should be put in boil ing water, and then scoured. The walk should be white-washed and floors scrubbed; sinks and dishes should be cleaned with carbolic acid and hot water. After the house has been cleaned from attic to cellar, the yard and out-build ings should undergo the same process, all rubbish and dirt being liauled from the premises, and lime and carbolic acid freely used to cleanse and purify. salads. Many delicacies aud healthful salads may be made from vegetables, says Mrs. E. R. Parker in the Courier-Journal, which are particularly appetizing and acceptable al this time of the year, when the appetite requires tempting. Asparagus Salad—Boil two large bunches of asparagus in hot water, drain, cut off the tops, throw in cold water, and stand half an hour. Then dry carefully, put in a salad dish and pour over a dress ing made of a tablespoonful of vinegar, then a tablespoonful of olive oil, a little pepper and salt. Set on ice. Lettuce Salad—Wash crisp eentei leaves of lettuce, and dry. Break or teai the leaves to pieces with a silver fork. Make dressing of half a pint of milk, tablespoonful of butter, yolks of three eggs, two tablespoonfuls of corn starch, two tabiespoonfuls of vinegar, with pepper and salt. Pour over the lettuce and serve immediately. Celery Salad—Cut the stalks of white celery into pieces half an inch long. Ta every pint allow half a pint of mayon naise dressing. Dust the celery lightly with salt and pepper, mix with the dress ing and heap on a cold dish; garnish witii celery liones. Kale Salid—Strip from the stalks the inside leaves of tender kale, lay on a dish; sprinkle with pepper and salt and pour over a dressing of raw egg, three table spoonsful of thick sweet cream, two of lemon juice and a teaspoonful <*f mustard; beat all together. Onion Salad—Cut up a dozen young spring onions, season with salt and pepper. Take a tablespoouful of vinegar and three of salad oil, mix and pour over the onions, then place a layer of hard boiled eggs on the edge of the dish. Spinach Salad—Take two dozen heads of spinach, put on a salad dish, season with salt and pepper. Set on ice. Take the yolks of three hard boiled .eggs, mash fine, add mustard, salt, pepper, with a tablespoonful of melted butter, mix them thc-oughly and then with vinegar pour over the spinach. Garnish with hard boiled eggs sliced. Dandelion, cresses, turnip tops and mustard all make excellent salads pre oared as lettuce salad. BOW THEY RIDE. Pace, pace, pace— That’s the way the ladies ride, Foot htmg down the pony’s side—• Pace, pace, pace, Pacing gently into town To buy a bonnet and a gown; Pacing up the narrow street, Smiling at the folks they meet-* That’s the way the ladies ride, Foot hung down the pony’s side— Pace, pace, pace. Trot, trot, trot— That’s the way the gentlemen ride. O’er the horse’s back astride— Trot, trot, trot. Riding after fox and hound, Leaping o’er the meadow's bound, Trotting through the woods in spring, Where the little wild birds sing— That’s the way the gentlemen ride, O’er the horse’s back astride— Trot, trot, trot. Rock, rock, rock— That’s they way the sailors ride Rock and reel from side to side— Rock, rock, rock. Jack Tar thinks he’s on the seas. Tossing in a northern breeze; Thinks that he must veer and tack. When he mounts a horse’s back; Rocking east and rocking west, Jack Tar rides, dressed in his best— Rock, rock, rock. Sleep, sleep, sleep— That’s the way boy Ned will rid» Floating on the slumber tide— Sleep, sleep, sleep. Out upon the drowsy sea, Where the sweet dream-blossoms be, Far away to Sleepy Isles Sails boy Ned. “Good-night,” he smiles; Sinking down in pillows deep, Little Ned is fast asleep— Sleep, sleep, sleep. —Anne M. Libby. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Apparent ingenuousness is frequently genuine ingeniousness. “So you are a jail-bird, eh? What did did they put you in for?” “Robin.” It is when the Young Idea first begins to shoot that a little learning is a danger ous thing. Although baseball is termed the noble game, a third of the men engaged in each nine are basemen.— Graphic. It is a wise child that goes out of the room to laugh when the old man mashes his thumb.— Terre Haute Express. Customer —“Say, waiter, this shad tastes very fishy.” Waiter —“Yes, sah; ihads is fish, sah.”— Philadelphia Hecord. I cannot sing the old songs. As I have been requested; When last I tried to warble them The Mayor had me arrested. —Nebraska State Journal. “I wasn’t exactly mad about it,” said fllithersby, discussing his ejectiou from & theatre, “but I was somewhat put out.” — Harper's Bazar. “Why do they call them spar buoys?” the asked the purser. “O,” said he, “I “Alack,” he said, “here is a bill, Bat where’s the cash -*-ith which to pay it? “Alack,” he said again, foicr, o tij It was a lack that made him jf —Merchant apavder. Fond Mother—“ You must remw,b er Emeline, that fine feathers don’t make line bird.” Daughter—“ True, mamma, but they do make awfully pretty hats.” Time. Scene: A lonely spot on a dark night. “Would the gentleman be so kind as to assist a poor man? Beside this revolver, I have nothing in this wide world. ” — Boston Gazette. Rose (at the cafe) —“Let’s see. We’ve ordered Irish potatoes, haven’t wc? What can we have to match them?” Emily— “Ah, yes! Waiter, a pat of butter, please.” Amateur Hubert—“Kelud, five moons were seen to-night, four fixed aDd the other did whirl.” Muffled voice from the audience—“ Did jcver—hie—try bro mide ?”— Pittsburg Dispatch. A gallant young man, under festal circumstances, referred to one member of the sex he eulogized as ‘ ‘a delectable dear, so sweet that honey would blush in her presence, and treacle stand appalled.” You’ll find it true if you’ll observe, Although the finding out may pain ye, ’Tis sometimes hard to draw the line ’Twixt larceny and kleptomania. —Merchant Traveler. “My dear, was that a hymn you were singing to Lord Fitz de Grey last night?” asked the fond father on Monday morn ing. “Oh, yes, papa; it was ‘When I Can Read My Title Clear. ’ ” — A T ew York Sun. Mr. Jess Wadae (to his bride) —‘ ‘Please pass me the sugar, sweetness!” (Looks up in some confusion as the waitress hands him the sugar bowl with unusual alacrity. Suppressed laughter from the ether boarders!. — Judge. A Western college has a school for journalism in it. “John,kill that editorial on ‘The Whatness of the Where,’ and cut down ‘A Lunar Myth,’ so that we can give half a column to ‘the .Esthetics of Canine Contests.’ ” —Merchant Traveler. Papa (that is to be) —“You make a draft of your plans after marriage, George, and submit it tome.” George—“l thought I’d leave that to your generosity, sir. About fifty thousand will do, though. I’ll draw when we get to Paris.” —Chicago Journal. A man fell overboard near Havana, and a lawyer jumped into the water to rescue him just as a shark started to seize the poor fellow. The shark reached the man first and swallowed him, but the lawyer tv as the quicker, for he succededed in getting the man's boots and pocket book before he disappeared from sight.—-AT. Y. Mercury. The Cuban soldiers and bandits vie noth each other in deeds of atrocity. At Guantanamo, while looking for kidnap pers, the authorities butchered nine per sons. South Carolina devotes a wtsek annual ly to tree-planting.