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Three Experiments iu Drinking,
OR,
Three Eras in the Life of an Inebriate.
1 | CRIME AND EXPATIATION.
Io the central part of the gay metropo
lis Vo which we have now changed the
scene, the busy tradesmen find an avenue
to their various callings, and the beau
ittoa&f exhibit their exquisite persons
vrtrilh taking their morning airings.—
Amohg the beautiful edifices which grace
this Walk of fashion, stands one, whose
frontiis checkered with signs of various
sizes, bearing the simple inscription of
the name, and the number of the offices,
of the occupants. Into this labyrinth of
rooms, judges, lawyers, and sheriffs of
almost every rank, down to the lowest
menials of the law, might be seen passing
to gppd fro, from morn till night, followed
up hv a multitude of litigants, who had |
been led into the perplexities and vexa
tions of the craft. In an obscure portion|
of this building, is a suite of rooms which
neither sign-board nor directory pointed
ons; and here we will, for a few mo
m#ts, call the reader’s attention. On:
oaf cold, rainy evening in autumn, a tail,:
gutnt form might be seen staggering to-1
walds the main extrance of this building.
After groping his way up a long flight of
dfeirs, and through two or three narrow
enteies, he paused to rest his thin shanks
for a time, in front of a door, beneath the
wainscoting of which issued just light
sufficient to satisfy him that he had reach
ed the desired spot. A slight pressure
vof a bolt introduced him into a spacious
room, which might present to a strange
eye a very grotesque appearance. Box
|ng gloves, foils, masks, and shields, were
fantastically hung around, interspersed
Jvtth French prints, to say the least of an
pjfeeedingly indelicate appearance ; spe
i:iy|iens of minerals and conchology were
scattered here and there, and were the
anidnight lamp had clad the walls in black
drdpery were drawn strange and uncouth
shapes of bipeds and quadrupeds, attach
'd; ed to inscriptions not more easy to deci
pher than the windings of asnail in sand.
A Well-stockcd book-shelf hung in one
corner, but a whole generation could not;
have produced a more revolting appear
ance. The chinks of the embossed bind
ings were filled with furrows of dirt, andi
thd gildings had only served to catch the
lint and coal dust. Byron’s Cliilde Har*
|||o!d lay mouldering on the shelves, and
works of the bard of Avon, and the
Jieautiful songs of Burns, were falling
fast beneath the fell jaws of worms ;
Sterne, Goldsmith, and Hume were only
for the spiders to weave their nets
upon. All this depository of learning
was left for time to play with, save where ,
unlettered cur had snatched a vol- (
fijne down for purposes of desecration,
•ther to try the keen edge of his knife ,
■bon the cover, or with a leaf to give J
fight to a cigar. The person whom we ,
save introduced into this room, is George
Hapgood. He was surprised to find it
vacant, and hastening to another door, !
jAtfesed it open ; the first object that met
hisfeye, was a round table, decorated with
half-filled decanters and dirty tumblers. 1
4 pack of cards lay scattered upon the 1
||>or, —denoting the anger and disap
pointment of some unlucky adventurer 1
f iK the game. Hapgood, as if doubting
t|b evidence of his own eyes, called the (
*|mes of several of his companions, but
tl*e sound ol his own voice was echoed '
b&ck. This is very strange, said he, the
rooms both vacant at this hour ? Then f
ajiudden thought pressed upon him, and l
brreturned to the other room, and open- £
u|g a little desk, took out the log-book £
aid read as follows: Half past nine
,«;loek. Twelve of us have just gone to t
Jpowdie’s hotel to sweat; let all others
Hapgood closed the book, and t
Uptaced his steps into the street. The r
® jffaitai 3$ w?tr: 3fr tomtom U arotisr
clock just struck ten as he turned his 1
course towards Rowdie’s hotel. This 1
celebrated resort stands a little back from 1
one of the most public streets, and in or
der to conceal the various operations
within doors from the gaze of the curious, a
the landlord uniformly keeps his blinds 1
closed. As Hapgood entered the bar
room, two drunken fellows emerged forth f
into the open air. They had been drink- s
iDg to such excess as to produce a hor- t
rid nausea, which rendered it impossible 1
any longer to war against nature. The t
novice would either have been stifled with
the dense cloud of cigar smoke that hung !
over the room, or stunned with the noise i
and outcries that every moment saluted t
his ears; but the initiated salamander <
bipobs of the place basked in the smoke
without appearing to suffer the least in- S
convenience. It would require the pen
cil of Hogarth himself to do ample justice ;
to the various groups that were gathered
around the room. Some were amusing .
themselves by blowing smoke from their .
mouths in the shape of rings; others |
Uvere discussing the hardness of the times, |
and numerous matters in domestic econo- t
my. Here was one party engaged in
mutilating the various show-bills, by cut- ,
ting out letters as fancy dictated. An
other group were cudgeling their brains (
in making connundrums, for the amuse- |
ment of the company. In one corner,
a few stragglers had assembled, for the
, purpose of flipping up a copper, chalk
ing a horse, or teetotum,for liquor; and
around a table sat a group of bob-tail
modern reformers, who had worn them
selves threadbare, in going from one bar- ,
room to another to discuss the rights of !
the dear people, and rail against the aris- j
tocracy in good set terms. In short. (
most of the company were killing time
in some way. But there was still anoth- .
er class, who, to render the picture com- ,
plete, should be described distinctly.— j
:These were the hangers-on, or, as they
j were more familiarly known, the suckers,
and they belonged to a number of differ- 1
. ent grades. They were the number one
suckers, who were like sterotype plates
in a book, and almost a necessary to give
the bar-room a natural appearance, ns
tho very paper upon its walls. Then
there were the middling suckers, who al
ways popped in on cold and stormy days 1
for shelter, and called for a cigar and a
glass of water byway of patronage, but \
generally took care to eat up more than 1
the profits out of the fish and cracker 1
tray. Lastly, there were the refuse
suckers, the tag-rag and bob-tail, who
were generally introduced by the other 1
two classes, and, like them, came in to ‘
loaf away the time. But these suckers '•
were considered rather in the light of ne- 1
cessary evils, for scarcely a person came ;
to the bar for drink, but had acquaintan- 1
ces among them, and they were either '
voluntarily invited to partake, or else they ]
unhesitatingly importuned for a treat.—
The suckers took particular care to place 1
(themselves so near the bar on such occa- 1
sions, that they could always gain one or
the other of the chances to drink their ‘
neighbor’s health. Even the refuse of *
the gang generally got their skins filled
during the day, at the expense of those '
good-natured gentlemen who came in (
with full purses, and invited all the com-
pany to join them; and the rag-tag and 1
bob-tail members mingled with the rest,
to quench their raging thirst. There 1
were two occasions which were always
made jubilees by the suckers, viz: an
open house, and a raffle. In the latter *
case, it being especially provided for the 1
winner to treat the company, the suckers 1
generally fell into the drinking ranks, and 1
made the lucky man pay very dear for r
the whistle. r
But my dear sir, said Swilldown, how I
can a man with a family live in these 1
hard times, with flour at fifteen dollars a c
barrel ? Now, I am the most prudent s
man in existence, and can’t possibly, *
make both ends meet. c
g
True,—very true, replied Drinkall, a
man can’t live, now-a-days, without abso
lutely denying himself the commonnn- t ,
cessaries of life. I tell my wife she must j
keep the children on short allowances, or
we shall be obliged to give up. v
As to that matter, I have been so short tl
of flour for the last month, that our folks t
have been obliged to eat potatoes alto- n
gether, and we have to eat very sparingly k
even of them. a
The Graham system is just the thing n
these hard times.
I think I shall adopt it altogether, as e
the cheapest mode of living. But come, a
neighbor Drinkall, finish your glass. I a
AUGUSTA, GA. SATURDAY, MAY 4, 1844.
have talked so much about eating, that I
begin to feel as dry as a fish again ; so
let us take one more glass together.
With all my heart, returned Drinkall.
How much have you got charged
against me? said Drinkall to the bar
keeper.
I will see, said he, taking his slate
from the desk. Here is one, two, three,
six, seventeen, twenty-five glasses, and
that is just nine shillings; and what you
have had this evening will make up the
two dollars, to a fraction.
Drinkall took out a two dollar note;
from his pocket, which he gave the man,
requesting him, at the same time, to clear
the slate, and prepare to open a fresh ac
count.
Now, landlord, give mo my bill, said
Swilldown.
The landlord again looked at the slate,
and counted the tallies.
Let me see ; five, ten, fifteen, twenty,
and twenty more, including this evening’s
account, make just forty glasses, and per
haps you recollect there was a balance on
the old score, which will make, in all,
three dollars to a cent.
Very well, I suppose yfiu are right,
said Swilldown, so here is the money.
Let mo see, said the landlord, placing
the note in his drawer, you lost six drinks
jttiis evening, that I forgot, to charge ; that
will make thirty-seven cents more.
You are right, said Swilldown, you
never forget those trifles, aye, landlord.
But it’s the way with the world ; every
man must look out for number one.--
Well, here is the money, and now I’ve
got just change enough left to buy six
grog tickets, so you may let me have
them, and that will save the trouble of
I charging.
And these were the speculators in do
mestic economy, who starved themselves
and children at home, to gratify their
drunken appetites inthe public bar-rooms.
I hate temperance folks and temper
ance societies as bad as I do pison, said
Rednosc, there’s no kind of reason in
them. How do you s’posc a laboring
| man, like myself, who works in all kinds
of weather, can live upon cold water ?
Why, he would be as weak as a rat.
And besides, said Leathcrlungs, the
city water is so brackish and nasty that
one might as well choke to death asdrink
it. A man ought to put a little spirit in
it, just to take off the chill, and kill the
animal what do you call them?
Animalculm, you mean, continued
Mr. Mixter, and that is not all the objec
tion to the city water. Every glass you
drink, (or I should have said the temper
ance people,) contains more or less for
eign and injurious matter, that is positive
ly killing them by inches. I tested a
wine-glass full of what they call pure
water, and how much crude lime, think
you, I found in it ?
Well, I’m not very good at guessing,
replied Leatherlungs, but perhaps you
might have found a couple of ounces.
Two ounces ?—ha! ha! ha! No, not
quite so bad as that, but I actually found
fifteen grains.
Why, how you talk ! said Rednose,
with surprise. You’ll never catch me
drinking any more water at that rate; so
landlord—, but stop a moment,—gentle
men, what will you all have to drink ?
I’ll take a brandy-toddy, said Leather
lungs.
And I a gin-sling, said Mixter.
You are perfectly right, Mr. Leather
lungs, resumed Mixter; these temperance
people are killing their own cause by
their inconsistency. They will not let a
man taste the least drop of liquor, but
make him go tho whole teetotal. But
mind you, they preach one thing and
practice another. I assure you, gentle
men, upon my honor, I know several
cold water men who belong to temper
ance societies, and if they had their will
they wouldn’t let a man have one glass
of gin a day, and yet they go home and
swill down two bottles of champaigne,
each; during dinner.
And these are the chaps that want to
take away my brandy-toddy, continued
Leatherlungs, with a hiccough.
Yes, these are the men who say cold
water is the only fluid that ought to pass
into the stomach, when I know it is posi
tively injurious. Water is of too cold a
nature to drink; the chill should be ta
ken off; and a glass of liquor, occasion
ally, operates like medicine to a sick
man.
Yes, that’s a fact, said Leatherlungs
emptying his seventh glass of toddy. I
itn subject to the rheumatism ; oh, it is
iwful—it is so had that I have to jump
"out of bed three or four times a night,
i regularly; and the only medicine that
| cures me is, a glass of hot brandy-toddy, i
I begin to feel the pains coming on now. i
Here, landlord, bring me a glass of hot
toddy, immediately. I am sure it will j
jdo me a great deal of good.
* * * * *
s
The dooor is now opened, and Hap- I
good, Dashall, Highflier and others enter I
the room. But, during the lapse of time {
since we last introduced them to the rea- i
tier, they have been sadly reduced in cir- 1
cumstances; their garments have grown *
rusty, and out at the elbows. They were ■
in that happy stage of drunkenness that [
sailors call half-seas over, and bent so <
full of mischief, that they commenced '
amusing themselves by tearing down the *
play-bills that hung around the room.— <
1 The landlord used no harsher remedy '
than gentle remonstrances, for well he I
■ knew the value of such customers. So (
! strong was the force of habit in this new I
company, that they could not hold con- 1
1 verse more than ten or fifteen minutes at |
i a time without renewing their draught, i
Just as they were about recommencing
i the convivialities of the evening, a mis
erable looking being was seen to raise
: himself from a rude couch in one corner
'| of the room, and arousing from his drunk
-len lethargy, totter towards the stove. So ;
! wretched and revolting was his appear- 1
i ance, that even the meanest of the com- 1
■ jpany turned from him with disgust. His
dress was shabby and filthy beyond de
■ scription, and scarcely sufficient even to 1
* cover his miserable frame. His hair was
: long and matted, and fell in knots about
' a face horridly bloated by excessive drink
ting, besmeared with dirt, and bruised by
; frequent falls. As ho lifted his bony
- hands before tho fire, he raised his blood
; shot eyes, which, with a long, black,
• grisly beard, gave a peculiar appearance i
,of wildness to his looks. He seemed, at i
. first, to gaze oil vacancy, but soon his eye I
| fell upon one, and a sign of recognition 1
, was manifested in his countenance.
; Who is that ugly monster, George, ;
s said Hopeful.
. You mean that fellow in the corner,
said George.
, The same.
I Why, he is one of the loafers that-.
, He’s a quondam friend of George’s,
, said Highflier, interrupting him.
; I wont deny the ‘soft impeachment,’ 1
however hard it may be. He was once a
j highly respectable merchant, in Boston,
but being rather too free with his own ■
i money-bags, he failed—came here,— '
_ grew lazy, and not having, as he thought,
natural spirit sufficient to sustain him, he 1
. drank, or rather poured down, ardent. '
i But see, said Highflier, the loafer is 1
, shaping his course this way.
He thinks he’ll take advantage of me,
because 1 was once an acquaintance of 1
his; but, I’ll soon settle him, depend up- 1
, on it.
Charles Morton arose from his seat,
and staggered towards the bar; and as- >
I ter eyeing the drinkers for a few mo
ments, at a short distance, he stepped
among the group.
, So, George Hapgood, and Mr. Harry
, Highflier, because my appearance is not (
quite so genteel as your own, you would
scorn me.
Scorn such a thing as you? leave us,
wretch.
And you are the men that have fed up
on my bounty for years, and now that I .
, am a beggar, you would trample upon (
me; but you shall not. Let me be what |
I may, I am as good as either of you. ,
When I loathed the very sight of liquor. ,
you taught me how to drink it. Now I j
love it—l want it now—my lips are dry,
my throat is parched and burning; I ,
pray you, let me drink with you. ,
Begone, fool, said George, or I’ll make |
another mark upon your dirty face. |
Villain! continued Charles. George .
Hapgood, you have made me, this night, |
your deadly foe. ,
There, wretch, take that, and learn j
better manners, said George, striking j
him a severe blow. (
Charles’s face now assumed an appear- i
ance of peculiar ferocity, and raising his \
clenched fist, he made a pass at his an- a
(agonist with all his strength; but George r
evaded the blow,and Charles feliprostrate t
under its effect, upon the floor. All the s
party laughed at the drunkard, as he fell, c
Morton! said the landlord, coming r
forward, how many more times shall 1 c
be compelled to turn you out of this f
house? Come, get up, and be off, or I’ll s
scald you, said he, taking a kettle from;t
the stove. :{
[Owe Dollar a Year.
Aye, a little hot water would do him a
much good as a glass of his favorite rum
said two or three of the company laugh
ing.
The miserable man was raised from
the floor, and forcibly put into the street.
This exploit, which had created quite a
sensation among the topers, was followed
by a hearty laugh, and a general invita
tion by one of the liberal bucks, for a
drink all around. The suckers, who
were on the qui vivc for such an adven
ture, took their places among the rest, at
the bar, and waited with all the patience
in their power. There were some few
pressed into the party, who had been but
recently initiated into the habit of drink
ing, and would fain have contented them
selves with wine alone, but the old soak
ers, whose throats had been converted
into the consistency of India rubber, pro
tested so strongly against such a course
of proceding that they were obliged to
follow the general example, and change
their weak wine sangaree for whiskey
punch. The moderate drinkers made as
many wry faces at the liquor, as a child
would at a full dose of medicine. It
would indeed have been a grand subject
for a painter, to sketch the motley group
as they waited around the bar. Some of
their faces were like balls of wild-fire,
and had saturated rum enough to float a
ship. But there were, among the suck
ers, many who had been so worn down
by excess, that every fresh potation was a
nail in their coffin's lid. Among the
crowd was one who drank gin all day
long. He had just received a third letter
from some anonymous friend, warning
him in the most earnest and affectionate
terms, to refrain; that epistle had been
made the theme for sport and low ribald
ry; and yet, while the seeds of death
were sown in his body, he called lustily
for his favorite potation. There xvas
another, who, a few years ago, occupied
the situation of a head-clerk, in one of
the first mercantile houses, but he had
launched forth upon the broad ocean of
intemperance, until he had destroyed, one
by one, those rich gifts which nature had
lavished upon him; and his mind was
now left a complete wreck, and chaos.
The tears and supplications of parents
and lovely sisters had all been unavailing.
He had been recently complained of as a
common drunkard, but through the inter
cession of many of his father’s friends,
who were unwilling that the son should
bring disgrace upon the old man, the
.fudge was induced to let him go, under a
| solemn promise that he would conduct
himself better in future; and the police
reporters filled up his name with a blank;
and he was here, first and foremost
among the suckers, belching like the
fumes of a still.
See here, said Hapgood, exhibiting an
empty tumbler to his companions, I have
emptied my glass, and here you arc sip
ping yours, as though it were poison.
But, my dear boy, replied Dashall, con
sider we have been drinking every fifteen
minutes all this evening.
Well, what of that? I have been
training all the time, and what is more,
have drank three different sets of friends
drunk; and here I am now, with tho
fourth, and as sober as any of you.
This was all true; but George Hap
good had become a sort of philosophical
drunkard. He could not rest contented
for ten minutes at a time, without either
asking his friends to drink, or urging them
to invite him; hut his system was, when
he found himself going over the bay, to
watch a favorable opportunity, and dis
charge the contents of his glass upon the
floor; so that, at the breaking up, he was
generally left the most sober man in the
company. The party kept up the ca
rousal until midnight, when many of
them began to vvi.t down; and the land
lord finding he was not likely to make
any more sales to profit, began to reduce
his gas just sufficient to render darkness
visible. But the topers growing uproar
ious at this hint, he concluded the even
ing’s entertainment, by opening all his
doors, and, without any further ado, pitch
ing his customers into the street. *They
were like so many wild beasts let loose,
and amused themselves the rest of the
night, by singing songs, tearing down
booths and signs, and overturning oyster
stands. In this happy state, the Charlies
of the night pounced upon them, and
many of the number had an opportunity
of enjoying cool reflection in the narrow
precincts of a watch-house, over night,
and next day, by tho time the liquor had
evaporated, they were exposed to public
gaze in thi? police court-room.