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THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 15.
England wants all the first-class,
honestly packed apples we can spare.
When North Dakota is admitted her
popular name will be • ‘the Zephyr State."
The Secretary of the Treasury is the
only member of the Cabinet who
annually reports to the HouBe of Rep¬
resentatives.
An Italian witness in a Brooklyn
Court, being asked the other day what
was an Italian brigand, replied: “All
sama cowboy your country.”
The Government has discovered a
shortage of eight cents in the accounts
of a paymaster who died in 1863, and
his bondsmen must fork over.
Pennsylvania’s troops will predomi¬
nate in the next inauguration-day
parade at Washington, as they did in
the last. It is said that 7000 Pennsyl¬
vanians will be in line.
The United States Government will
plant a cargo of lobsters along the rock
jetty off Galveston, Texas, with a view
of discovering whether the propagation
of this popular shell-fish is feasible or not
in those waters.
Within a recent week, announces the
Cincinnati Enquirer, one Chinaman mar¬
ried a French chambermaid, and another
a Massachusetts factory girl, and still
the public slumbers calmly above the
rumbling volcano.
It is not necessary to dislocate the jaw
in the effort to pronounce the name of
the Anarchist Hronek,recently sentenced
to twelve years’ imprisonment for en¬
gaging in a conspiracy to assassinate
Chicago officials. It is pronounced as if
spelled Renneck.
‘The career of the famous Little Pitts¬
burg Mine,near Leadville, Col.,furnishes
a good example of the vicissitudes of
-mining. Once stocked for $20,000,000,
and paying dividends on that vast capi¬
tal, it has recently been sold on a judg¬
ment for $20,000.
The French mint will soon replace the
# copper sous with nickels. Singularly
enough, the five and ten centime pieces
will be perforated in the center after the
manner of Chinese coin '!> This enables
them to be strung, ana counted or
handled with great ease.
“If every criminal convicted was giver
the full extent of the law,” says In¬
spector Byrnes, the famous New York
detective, “crime would decrease in five
years so that every police force could
spare half its men.” The fault, asserts
the Detroit Free Press, lies entirely with
the judges.
It appears from a report made in the
English House of Coihmons that there
are now in prison 223 children between
the ages of twelve and sixteen. One of
the most ordinary crimes for which
country magistrates punish the unlucky
little creatures is that of pulling up and
eating turnips on somebody else’s estate.
The Chinese who seem to have worked
out most social problems except that of
individual liberty, have a proverb to the
effect that whenever a man or woman is
idle in the Empire somebody else suffers,
and this, states the New York Commer¬
cial Advertiser, is one of the few availa¬
ble lessons we have yet to learn from the
Celestials.
Baltimore has adopted an ingenious
scheme of putting letter boxes On street
cars. It will at least, predicts the New
York News, add zest to the life of con¬
ductors. A lady galloping along a side
street signaling twthe conductor to stop,
and then coming aboard and dropping
a letter in the box and getting off again,
is a scene calculated to make the con¬
ductor’s heart leap with joy.
It is estimated that last year the Scuth
lost by forest fires nearly $7,500,000.
The total number of acres burned over,
according to the New Orleans Times
Democrat, was more than double the
whole area of laud under cultivation in
Louisiana, or considerably over 6,000,
000 acres. And what makes it worse,
it seems that the destruction of most of
the timber was due to carelessness oi
recklessness.
A new peril of a very acute kind hat
been added to those of the London
streets. It is that of being taken for
tho Whitechapel murderer and lynched
by the crowd. Anyone who supposes
this danger imaginary knows little of the
extent to which the inhabitants of the
slums are suffering from a combination of
terror and cupidity. They are naturally
ignorant, and excitement lias rendered
them incapable ot the slightest discrim¬
ination.
__
The Government crop returns show
that Oregon has the greatest yield of
Indian wheat of any of the States, be
ing an average of sixteen and three
tenths bushels. The Willamette Valley,
the greatest grain-producing portion of
Oregon, through which th& Oregon
Pacific Railroad runs to its terminus at
Yaquina Bay, has an average of between
twenty and twenty-five bushels to the
sere. A Targe portion of thisis now be
ing shipped to San Francisco by way of
new steamships.
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
A LYRIC.
St any one can tell you
How my song la wrought
And my melodies are caug
I will give, not sell you,
The secret, if there be one
(For I could never see one),
How my songs are wrought.
Like the blowing of the win!,
Or the flowing of the stream,
Is the music in my mind,
And the voice in my dream,—
Where many things appear,
The dimple, the tear,
And the pageant of the Year,
But nothing that is clear,
At Even and Morn
Where sadness is gladness
And sorrow unforlora,
For there Song is'born.
— R. H. Stoddard,in the Century.
DE. ORMESBY.
BY F. E, H. RAYMOND.
“When is the Berwick train due?”
“’Bout three hours, sah.”
“What? Great Scott! Any hotel
near?”
“NeSrest is Millsburgh, ’bout five
miles furder on, sah.”
The young man, in walking-costume,
threw off his knapsack impatiently,
clapped groaned. his hand to his sunburned cheek,
and Jim refrained from polish¬
ing showed the waiting-room furniture, and
a mild curiosity.
“’Pear to be sufferin’, sah.”
the “suffering? toothache I’m frantic. Never had
till lost night. Oh, Jupi¬
ter 1 Oh—my 1”
“Toothache ain’t nothin’.” -
“Ain’t it, you b'ack imp? Ever have
it?”
“Oceans o’ times—oceans o’ times.
Ain’t fur to^ say comfor’ble; but, law!
rheumatiz ’ll beat it! Ever have rheu- I
matiz, sah?” J
“No; never wish to. Say, got any
thing “Nothin’, here good for this pain?”
sah.”
IIugh Scribner uttered another groan, !
which was almost a shriek, and strode to
the door. As he opened it the wind j
dashed the autumn rain in his face. It
was a cheerless prospect.
“Any dentist in Millsburgh?”
s’pose “Tooth-dOctor, ” you mean? Dunno; : i
so.
“Here! • tossing him a quarter. “Help
me on with this strap. I’ll try for a
forceps, this racket anyhow. I’ve no will to stand
So, buttoning long.”
his jacket snugly over
his broad chest, he set out His dis
comfort goaded him to accomplish the i
“five miles furder on” very soon, and
Hughaccosted the first man he met *in *
town, asking fora dentist.
“Ain’t any such fellow here.”
This was disgusting.
“Doctor?” then he enunciated.
o’town “Yes, they’s doctors enough. All out
vention down to-day, though. Gone to con-! 1
to Boston.”
“What a forsaken region it is!”
groaned the .
sufferer.
The citizen’s pride being touched, he
walked on in silent contempt.
“I’ll find a sawbones or a blast of
powder . to blowout the thimrl”
tv uiuw our rne cningi" half
On he rushed, furious, blind with
pain, generally demorali. ed. Then he
stumbled over a bit of old plank side
walk and fell. This accident tended
neither to compose his --------- nerves nor im- '
prove his appearance, yet proved to be
of use to him.
about, Picking himself up, he glanced hastily
as every one does who meets with
a like misfortune, and in scanning the
blue-and-gilt opposite windows discovered a modest
Dentist.” sign, “G. Ormesbv.
He “Plagueon the liars, anyway!”
was across the street in an instant
ing and was face to face with a half
& tS d ^tssi h
r P r 1o P U rain
Ms a che entered° 1
boldly turned the knob and !
I** 1 * 1
parior P instead
Dainty curtains draped the windows,
a moss-like carpet covered the S floor I
luxurious .■uiuiuuogcau seats invited juriicu repose repusc ie There
was a well-filled book D00K case, a a table table
...... loaded with pretty nothings, such
as
women affect; but instruments of tortue
—none.
s&faM A young woman left her writing-desk &S;
and strong in her 5 Her face
movements.
was not pretty, but exceedingly fresh
and wholesome, lighted by bright eyes
full of intelligence. S She wore Si. a SS gray
so.., .a g od ..tl.,M, t .«d
spotless linen, and the only touch of 1
color about her was a bunch of roses stuck
in the bib of her great, snowy apron. ,
“I fear I have made a mistake. I was
The comely lips parted in a pleasant
uy“\£fi* 0nljr 01,0 in Millsburgh. ”
U “Yes, a regularly finished one. What
^sbo t r ?d b,e? Maybe 1 Ca “ r e lieV 1- it ” I
“I should , judge 1 you might B r relieve
anything.” The
smile died instantly and now
Hugh “I have—that was conscious I fie had—I had blundered thought I |
had is,
“Has Bracking it disappeared?” toothache.”
“Yes; coming up the stair.”
there was real cause for it. Has it
troubled you frequently?”
“Nevor till last night. I had been
tramping I took cold, all day though in the that wet. is I suppose
not my
habit.”
Tho clear eyes made a brief . personal
survey of her patient.
■he “A stranger, and a ‘tramp’ for fun,”‘,
.decided. “Shall I look at your
teeth?’’ ,
The young man’s cheek crimsoned,
But this alert young business woman
paid his hesitation ana blushes no heed, 1
and so promptly moved a screen which
bid bid an an orthodox orthodox dental dental chair, chair, and and a a
corner filled with the most modern equip
ments of her profession. A quiet
maid servant, who had been arranging a
stock bidden _ of fresh _ towels, came out from ___ this ! ,
torture-chamber and awaited in 1
an outer apartment her mistress’s need.
LINCOLN TON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 15 1889.
The “surgeon" turned, waiting for her
victim.
Poor fellow! he would rather have had
every tooth in his head “on a rampage”
than place himself in that chair. He
could beat an ignominious retreat, but
the consciousness that this advanced
young female would laugh at him wasn't
pleasant. He never felt himself such a
great, awkward hulk of a fellow before
His six feet of length seemed a dozen;
and his hands and f feet were something
abnormal. He was afraid he was too big
to get into that chair, and was surprised
to find that he wasn't.
The seat was so high that his head
towered far above that of his tormentor,
who deftly turned a screw and lowered
him to a convenient place.
There was no consciousness of aught
but the most humdrum matter in the
vo ce which ordered him to “Lay your
head back, if you please, and open your
mouth, wide.”
Her serene indifference restored his
composure, and he obeyed her to the
letter; indeed, so broadly did the mas
culme jaws separate, that the effect
would have been startling on one Jess
experienced than Dr. Ormesby.
But when her delicate index finger
gently lips, moved Hugh the corners could of those resist yawn- his
ing not
natural impulse. He opened his great
brown eyes, and flashed a sentimental
glance upon the face that bent over him;
but he might as well have tried to flirt
wl ‘‘L‘“ There e Sphinx. considerable inflammation,
is
but no serious trouble. Your teeth are
in fine condition.”
died Oh, you must be mistaken. I nearly
with this fellow last night. I'm sure
it ought to come out."
“indeed, it should not; it is perfectly
sound.’
The youth’s courage waxed; he looked
at her slender wrists maliciously.
“I want it taken out.”
She understood the glance, and re
sented it.
“I could not do so unprofessional an
act,” she said, moving away.
cudgeling Hugh remained his seated in the qkair,
brain for some new pre
to ‘ext his to side. bring the charming operator back
“There is a twinge on the other side,
in ‘fiat eye-tooth. Must be something
wrong there.”
The imperturable doctor examined the
healthy mouth, and shook her head,
Not once had she seemed conscious of
his admiring glance, or more curious
concerning he had his handsome identity than i
been some ancient grandsire.
There was nothing left for him to do !
slip down As he and did out from behind the j 1
screen. so, the dentist
handed him a small vial. “Bathe your
‘ ace with this lotion, occasionally, and •
‘he trouble will be cured.” j
Her tone was very quiet, but Hugh
fanciecFthe bright eyes twinkled. j
“Thank you. Now—please to tell me
your “Nothing, charge.” ■*'
of course. ” " '
"“That is scarcely business-like.” - ;
“Oh, under the circumstances, quite
so - The value of the liniment is as tri- j j
fling ‘b as the service ycu required.” Again
ftt She twinkling glanced eyelash, carelessly card j
■ at a he
offered her, introducing him upon the
staff of the Gotham lliyk-fiytr. j
“I am on a tramp-trip through this \
sec Bxc ‘ion, writing it up for our paper, j
u s e me, you are the first woman I
bave ever met i D y° ur profession. Do I
ten y cu “Not object in to being interviewed?” —j----j
the least. I shold consider it
a good advertisement.”
“Cool and shrewd,” thought Scribner,
“fi u ‘ ®fi e doesn’t seem unwomanly.”
He looked at a chair longingly, then
dubiously at his soiled garments,
Sb® smiled, and rolled it toward him,
taking “Well, another herself.
pad then,” Hugh propounded,
in hand, “how did you choose your
wo ™ e . n ;” , , ,
" “ r
anstXdSeff 0118 *“ ^ ^ **
“Allow me once more, and I will end
pointed £Z£ £ P
room.
She finished his question: “Does it
made P a ?j . her Yes, x os, beautiful-“it thank maus. God”-and ctou"—ana does pay.” her ner smile smiie
f * Her
thought thought unknown, seemed seemed happy t0 to land, wanderoff wanderoff into nt 0 80ma some
and she rose, to
terminate the interview.
There was nothing more the young
An inspiration came to him.
“I am going to ‘do’ Millsburgh and ,
its . manufactories thoroughly, shall be
so
here some time. I hope we may meet
Will JO. allow me to c.l]?"
"Should you need my professional
services, certainly; otherwise it will not
be necessary. ”
“Well snubbed for that fib 1 lying is
make iit the truth I will -do’ M.lls
out of the room as gracefully afhecould,
TsusceStiblf idfetlam 0 ! Tvlhadadoze^
Ten" can diagnose these premonitory symp- 1
toms correctly this one 11 be worse than
the toothache!
R J as - ;
The journalist lingered m . the busy
town, and fared better than his deserts.
His landlord gavehim a first class roon.
tions^m^n'ihTromm.m rt
exhausted the art of flirtation, Scribner
now began to take serious lessons in lov
ing.
The landlord’s pretty daughter was a
friend of Dr. Ormesby,and described
young woman’s devotion to her
bankrupt father and little sisters; told
she had been the idol of Vassar,and
astonished that famous feminine
by her “new departure;” and
recovering their breath, they had
applauded her filial affection, her independence and honored
“Butshe will never marry," concluded
Lucie Garrett, positively,
“What are the doctor’s objections? I
thought largely into matrimony woman’s entered perspective?” somewhat
every
“it doem’t, then! That is where men
are mistaken. _____ It used, I supposed; but
now, why, with our palettes and easels,
our little type-writers, oar titles of M.
D., our editorial chairs, we are far too
wide-awake. With, me, of course, its
different. I’m not so very strong minded,
and Paul and 1 became engaged when we
were too yonng to know any better. Ho,
I pre-ume we shall go on to the com¬
monplace Fair end.” heaved
Lucie a comical sigh.
“Confess now yon like your bondage,"
adjured the young writer. He was long
since her own, as her father’s, warm
friend.
shoulders “Well, maybe!" dainty np went the shapely
must know in I a the weak-brained shrug; “but you
was mem¬
ber of my Mass.”
for, “Then, n it’s sweet to yon to be cared
it must be so tor every wcman.
Listen," Georgette said Hugh, boldly; “I love
that Ormesby. hel| i You have found
tell out. Now, me to win her;
me her insuperableobjections to men,
and aid me to overcoiie them."
Lucie was touched; being wholly fem
mine, she was a natural match-maker
forefinger “Well, you see,” shaking her «m«n
emphatically at him, “Geor
gette hasn’t any use for your kind, ex
cept in the abstract—in her dental
chair—to torture their mouths and their
pockets. She is the bread-winner for
her family. I never heard her say
but I know how she’d feel. She couldn’t
ask any man to support her old father
and little sisters, and she wouldn’t if she
could. And when she wants a directoire
gown or a pansy bonnet she doesn’t have
to ask some grumbting man for it! She
just order sits down to her desk and sends her
and her check. That’s better than
your “Maybe; matrimony, maybe isn't it?”
nat.”
that Hugh little laid his plans more wisely aftei
talk.
that Georgette foregone Ormesby should be his wife;
besiegement was a of her conclusion; heart but his
took a new
form.
In the privacy of her own sanctum
she acknowledged to herself that she felt
that invulnerable fortress to be giving
way before his resolute attack, so long
continued. For ail the winter had sped
away, broken up by young Scribner’s
weekly visits to Millsburgh, by numer
all ous the sleighing impromptu and toboggan parties, by
gayeties which youth
and l°ve make possible. The greatest
breach was mado, of course, in an un
expected quarter.
The doctor returned to her father’s
bouse one evening at an unaccustomed
hour, to find tho old gentleman playiDg
dominoes with the audacious scribbler
who had so long disturbed her peace,
Was nothing sacred from this fellow,
who would not understand her avoidance
°‘ him? Her office, her friends’ houses,
her festivities, these were free to every
body ; but her home!
pened “Well, daughter, I’m glad you hap
home. Mr. Scribner comes in
e ycry time he is in Millsburgh, to have a
bit of a game and bring me news of the
‘own. 1 am pleased to have you meet
him at last, he has been so very kind.”
ing . Georgette stopped "short, her lips part
to utter an indignant protest; but
‘he unblushing newsmonger arose and
bowed with the obsequious gravity of a
stranger. This
was too much effrontery; and the
angry io woman fled, to work off her vex
a ‘’ ou a walk.
She did not heed the soft beauty all
about fier— the bursting buds and spring
grass, the gentle trickling of little
rBis i fl the outlying fields—till the town
was well behind her, and she stood upon
a fnnf.sriii™, foot-bridge above a. the x( Moodna, nn /i nn with
the peeping mo:>n to watch her.
“ The spring-time, the spring-time!
The only pretty ring-time!”
Nature's hour of universal love. Its
influence stole over her and melted the
obdurate heart, till there were weak and
womanish tears in the eyes which
wa ‘ched the wavelets creeping in and
ou ‘ beneath her slender resting-place.
generous
evotion to
But then, be should never know
m j;vrfS n ,^eTS,:f* ^swer": rr
voice-not the brooklet’s-made
1 be S
of «b>q»“ous pres
enee this creature?
“ 1 'See See Georgette, Georgette, mv my sweetheart! sweetheart 1 there there
a « teardrops on your eyehds. Confess,
brave “‘"7” girl, e 1 "' that the siege .““’V'TV. has been too
:a P ltulate! Klss
rae ’ y *®v? ^
put him , from her and - faced . - , him, .
nana^for , sakra?” f:;rr: 7 f
P & \„;. all a l'H our hZ !>
5e n h t lemchVng ri Hn nf a?
ro ^ ousea d ’ b ut a searcnmg look iooK at the tne
, “
y a ,? ulsl1 of y° ur OWD
, A
Then she bowed her betoTe head ^h’m and folded
her hands standing meeklv
8nd like all men and conquerors, he
^hen ^heTunf rose^b^med, there
^the^preUy S^tSS^^SSSSS Lucfe'wentftraightwZy
after the manner other kind. The other
hung out a new and glittering Dentistf” sign of
“G. Ormesby-Scribner, husband watched while
her railing and calmly
h ded his time :,j„ He wondered how Imi thf
^^"^ wou i f1 sw there crc-ikinw evontulllv in l
’ ta ee tain that ’^'eer, th
home oust tbe and his
Bunco Stecrcrs In the Metropolis.
Six bunco steerers tnay be seen any
morning hanging around the portico of
the poatoffice building. They are early
risers, itself part the of familiar their philosophy adage basing the
on about
bird and the worm. Many a greenhorn
becomes their prey. A day or two ago
one of the Astor House waiters who
prides himself on his musble saw a
countryman fall into their clutches.
Sallying forth he closed with the gang,
who, taking alarm, scattered in six
directions, leaving their victim under
the wing of his protector.— New York
Tribune.
When bees swarm the first time the
old queen goes with the swarm, leaving
the that parent usually colony the queenless, or, at least,
is case.
BUDGET OF FUN.
-
HFHOROflg SKETCHES PROM
various sources.
«... Estate—Hora.
Rations for a Cavalryman—A
lAkely Story—Oratorical
Fervor, Etc., Etc.
Said Constable Bragg to Farmer Scragg:
The com® to seize your cow, sir; ;
writ says ‘personal property,’
And what will you do now, sir?” !
^
The cow's not personal property, sir—
I’ve turned her into a meadow.”
— Timet.
Horse Rations for a Cavalryman.
“Ah, cavalier, how goes it?”
“First class, Major. I have the hunger
of a horse.”
“You don’t say so. Here, orderly,
bring a box of oats for Cavalier Bris
quard.” :
A Likely Story.
Farmer—“What are von two boys
doing Johnny—“Tommy up in that pear tree?” i
has taken a notion
to steal some pears.” j
“And what are yon doing 5 np v in the
tree?”
“I’ m trying to talk him out of the no- j
bon.”— . Sifting,.
Oratorical Fervor. i
Wife (at a political meeting)—“How
impassioned the orator is, John! Why
he is actually shedding tears, I believe. 1
I really think his words come
heart.”
from Husband—“No, the my dear, they come
stump. "-Epoch.
A Prodigious Bill.
a.s&i siu a „.n
Wife—“Did he bring the bill?”
send Husband—“Oh, that no; I guess tbey’ll
Post. up on a hand-cart.”— Washing¬ i
ton
The Baby Wouldn’t ;
Bounce. i
? a „ remarked , the small boy,
„. ’
iluza V* ‘? nn F ™*‘ b< everybody calls my
1 W * r C ln -S ba ?- V
j 0 you think , it is - funny, Will- .
ia ™ returned . h:s mother.
‘
because, when I dropped him on the
morn, “g. he didn’t bounce a
alt. Chicago News.
Had a Heart of Stone.
Miss B.—“Why is it, Mr. Smith, that
you shout gentlemen always think so much
your dinner?”
Mr. 8. (jocularly)—“Well you know
they say a man’s heart is situated in his
stomach.”
“Which explains, Isuppose, why some
men suffer so fearfully from dvspepsia.’’
—Siftings.
Fully Equipped. i
Hostess—“That young lady is a grad
uate of Vassar College, and I hgint to
introduce her to some gentleman who
won’t be afraid of her, and knows how
to talk to her.”
Friend—“Get young De Dude over
tfiere. He can talk on the different
brands of cigarettes by the hour .”—New
York Weekly.
Overdid the Thins.
“You have gone too far, John Smith.”
said Mrs. John Smith, tapping the par
lor floor. “You have treated me out
rageously “What' n
will you do?” sneered the
cautious husband
“I shall tell mother as soon as she
comes home.”
The wretched man bowed his head in
his hands and murmured: “Got both
feet in this time.”~Wra, York Sun.
Might Have Been Worse.
When Jones was at the theatre the
other evening he sat down by mistake on
his neighbor’s hat, and reduced it to a
hopeless mass of silk and pasteboard
The owner was madder than half a
dozen March hares.
“1 “Well,” calmly observed the culprit, But’
was awkward and no mistake!”
he added with self-complacent pity,
“when I think that it might have been
<„ MJ shudder.”
Not Very Much Frightened.
Escort (to Miss Penelope Waldo of
Boston, on th. lawn)- “Don’t be fright
ened, Miss Penelope, but there’s a big
green worm on your 7 skirt.”
Mr. MissPenelope Wabash. ffiould —“Oh, don’t disturb it,
I like to take it
home with me. It belongs to the species
known as the capillus capillary c»pil,
B little D ttli 8 fZll7wTJ. fellow, I shall n n prize ; It ? ar A SO S - highly,
Would you mind, Mr. Wabash, putting
it in your hat?”— New York Sun.
Would Not Give Themselves Away.
President (Debating Club)—“Well, ;
we have had some stirring speeches on
the negative side of the question of the
evening, ‘Is Marriage a appointed Failure?’ but
none of the gentlemen to
sponded.” speak on tho affirmative side have re- j
Secretary JjgfQ D (whispering)—“Their wives
ar6
the'lateness'of'the'hour^furth^ delate
is postponed. Adjourned .-Philadelphia ;
Record.
A Back Number.
A widower married a second time and
his choice of was a wealthy When lady the about bride fifty and |
years bridegroom age.
returned home from the
wedding wife his the husband, introducing the
to children, said: I
hand. “My dear children, mother kiss this lady’s
She is the new I prom¬
ised to bring you.”
After taking a square look at the new j
mother, “Pa, little Charlie said: ain’t
yon have been fooled. She
new at all!”— Siftings. 1
Brown Versus Jones.
“Mr. Brief, I want to sue Miss Jones
for breach of promise.”
“All right—but what was the prom
ise?”
“Well, you see, we were off at a picnic
in August,and Emeline was mad because
her sister had had more proposals than
vhe, and she asked me if I wouldn’t help
her out. I said I would if she would re¬
ject me; but, hang it sir, though she
promised chance not to, she accepted me the
fir *t sbe got.”- -Bator.
Showed Them ihe Door.
a t York Minster, was engaged one day
in researches in the Minster library,
when two young officers of the garrison.
on in a sight-seeing expedition, lounged
- him a ve ff £r ; ‘hey
accosted uim thus: ‘I say, old fellow,
what have you got to show us?”
^ They felt sorry, however, a moment
geKe/wfshow 8 ^
“ brary , to Others the door."— Argonaut.
Fresh From the Minstrels.
It may not be believed, but a recent
minstrel troupe got off a fresh joke.
“Harry,” said the end man, “people
are very dissatisfied in this world.”
terlocutnr. “They are, indeed,” answered the in
“les, Harry, if a man has riches he
wants health, and if a man has health he
yearns for wealth.”
“Yes, that’s the way it goes.”
“Now—now you take a fellow at sea
—awfully ‘b° side sick- -you know—leaning over
of the steamer, and all that sort
of thing. Now, that man wants the
ear ‘b- ’—Detroit Free Press.
A Financial Deal.
“Did you tell the manager what I
asked you to:” asked the barn-storming
actor, ——»---- who had — struck hard luck of a
fellow sufferer,
‘Ym. Everything.”
Tell “ him I T was tired 3 of this th'.ng?”
“Tell him I was going to quit right
bee:”
“Yes. I carried your entire message.
The manager says he doesn’t want you”to
leave him,and he'il raise your sa arc $40
8,aT su - ~ MerehatU Traveler. ,a ,lv " ce ™
A Tell-Tale Beard.
Now that cold weather is com ng and
men commence to grow a winter beard
they ought not to lose sight of the f.:ct
that often a new beard is stiff and brist
ly. The other evening two young ladies
had a couple of gentlemen callers, but
i U5 ‘ before going into the room the
eldest sister was suddenly taken w th a
most severe toothache. What to do she
did not know, but, anxious to see the
young men, and rather rhan be excused
she saturated bandaged her face with raw cotton
in laudanum, and so made her
appearance. Before long she had oc-ca
slon to go into another room with one of
‘fie young men, and on their return were
greeted with: “Why, Will, what is that
on your face?” And he,much confused,
took the cotton from his beard .—New
Tori Graphic.
Respect for Superiors.
At the club the other day they were
recounting when some reminiscences of the
war, an old general on the retired
lis ‘ ° f ‘h, e ar *ny remarked:
1 wl11 lllustrate to T ou ‘fie amount of
. flucnce ,, possessed by officers
ln over men,
an “ ‘ he “g 11 s ‘ a ‘e of discipline that pre
vailed during the first months of the
war urred . by ‘fie following incident that oc
® at ‘ he battlc of Bul1 Rua - In ‘fie
° f ,he actl °? an officer, who has
. becom prominent and well known
slnce e
throughout the country, was then in
command of a brigade on the right of
\ he llne ' Whl « ridin K over the field he
dl * c ° Tered , aaold: « concealed m a hole
th e greund, which was of just suffi
cient f dimensions to afford him shelter.
I 1 h Lf “ ls regiment, r D "- a l rode and u ? ordered t ° him ? him to join “
T lo £ ked hi ?* ful1 in
the Tace \placed a thumb upon his nose,
nnd ^®P lled :
°fi- a ° yo a old fellow! You
want th:3 hoIe vourself ' > n
-
\ A Joke pre‘‘y ° ° ld n an minstre ‘"Senuotis 1 joke is Bride. this one
;‘ bout ^ w T er ; P er ? ls a tow “ eal ‘ ed
-e^yer and the joke , requires that
there should be a railway tunnel
- ust ‘ sld the which don’t
I ‘° ° Q be there, ® but town, hap
P en a minstrel does not
be’itate to construct a tunnel or a whole
rallroad s y stera H necessary. The talk
ab ° u ‘. ma ™ a ge naturally brings up the
bebavior °f married couples on their
.here,” th. e.d
man—“yes; well you know the town of
Y ® , > the interlocutor knew
Well, there was a connle on board
Vh P JnnTi^ t "” n * 1 1ll 0 «^"* V d d b< *>
How -
did you kuow that, if the tun- .
ac , !,T£ 3dark?
vL'L , ^ sbe S av , e £^ , hea P ? “ ot
head’n‘o m to he car, r and shouted •
“Don’t care if you did,” she said,
“w-e’re remarried. married ”_ Detroit Detroit Tree Free Press. Press
English Grammar in Rhyme.
The following verses, written by Mr.
Buchanan. Librarian to the Legislative
Council of Cape Colony, Mass., form
-what is undoubtedly the shortest Eng
lish grammar published:—
i.
Three little words you often :
Are articles a, an and the.
li.
As'SkwloZg-S^^o^swing.
in.
Adjectives tell the kind of noun.
As great, small, pretty, white or brown.
IV.
instead of nouns the pronouns stand
His head, her face, your arm, my hand,
V.
Verbs tell something to be done—
To read, count, laugh, sing, jump or ran.
VI.
How things are done the adverbs tell,
As slowly, quickly, ill or well.
VIL
Conjunctions and join the words together,
As men women, wind and weather.
VIII.
The preposition stands before
The noun, as in, or through, the door.
IX.
Tbe interjection shows surprise;
As how pretty, Ahl how wise,
The whole are called nine parts of speech.
Which reading, writing, speaking tench.
Sibseriptlu : $U5 1b Htum.
MY BROTHER’S KEEPER.
Ye who have only walked through earth’s
fair places,
On whom no breath of chilling wind has
blown.
Surrounded by kind tones and smiling f&cee.
Knowing the sunny side of life n one;
Who talk about “the masses," without
doing
A single thing to help them in their pain.
Take care, lest God, in wrath, your life re¬
viewing,
Shall smite yon also with the curse of Cain!
"Am I my brother’s keeper?"—still it
soundeth
Down the long years, still children cry for
bread;
Still sin, and shame, and misery aboundeth,
And men sleep on the cold stones for abed;
While those whose lives are full of ease and
gladness,
Who have no wants that wealth can charm
away,
Write touching poems on the care ."S sad¬
ness
Of those who hanger in oar midst to-day.
Is it talk and poetry they want to lead them
To better things, to strengthen limbs that
tire?
Will poems help to warm, and clothe,
feed them,
Or serve as fuel for the scanty fire?
Men starve while ye your help are still de¬
laying.
Time flies along, so silently and fast;
tray God, ye turn before ye hear Him say.
ing:
“Ye did it not to Me,’’—too late, at last.
— Violet King, in Once a Week.
PITH AND POINT.
“In the soup”—The ladle.
Born to rule—A bookkeeper.
Always “cutting up”—The carver.
An old, well-known club man—Her¬
cules.
The rifle is not sociable, yet it seldom
goes off by itself.
No wonder the minutes fly so fast.
They are making up time.
A horse knows more than some men,
for it knows when to say neigh.
Can watches be said to be steady
when they always go with a spring?
The electric-light plant bears abund¬
antly. Its currents are continuous.
First impressions are everything, par¬
ticularly when one is collecting engrav¬
ings.
Patient—“What is the best position
in wh ehto sleep?” Doctor—“I usually
lie down.”
When corn pops it gets ghastly wh.te.
It is much the same way with bashful
young men.
A milkman and an oak-tree both flour¬
ish according to the size and condition
of their route.
Sometimes men becomes crooked in
order lo help themselves out of straight¬
ened positions .—Rochester Post-Express.
It is all very well to pay as you go,
but if you have no baggage the hotel
proprietor when would rather you would pay
you arrive .—Pittsburg Chronicle.
Little Boston girl (as the hair-brush is
reached for)—“Mamma, the consecutive
ness and the prevalency of these castiga¬
tions are slowly sapping my very life.”
- Time.
Young Lady—“If you don’t stop pay¬
ing me compliments I’ll put my hands
over my ears.” The Herr Professor—
Harper’s “Ach,MeesChones,zey are too small!”—
Bazar.
This handsome young man looks quite paol,
They are You dragging him he off to gaol,
ask what did)
Was he Captain Kidd?
No, he was merely caught rifling the maol
—Minneapolis Tribune.
little Big folks Sister—“Dick, I think it is time
were in bed.” Little Dick
(on Mr. Nicefellow's knee)—“Oh, it’s
until all right, Mamma said I should stay here
she came down stairs -’’—New York
Weekly.
Now the skater premature,
Whom the frost-bound ponds
the allure,
Dons steel again.
See how swift he glides and slick!
What!—a crash I A plank there,
Saved—but quick! stick.
stiff as any
Trot him up the lane.
—Burlington Free Press.
Maple Sugar Making.
The manufacture of maple sugar is a
paying industry when properly con¬
ducted, the profita being usually in pro¬
portion to the quality, and thus mostly
within the control of the manufacturer,
and a large bush can generally be more
economically is managed inherent than quality a small in good one.
There an
maple syrup that will sell itself, and
nothing but honey can and ever compete
8gainst maple between sweet, them. there is no real
competition Both are
sweet, but have no other property in
common. Neither is used for the sweet
alone.
made, At present including not enough maple adulterations, sugar is
enormous
to afford a pound a year to each in¬
habitant If all were made into maple
syrup there would not be half a gallon
for every family of six. Less than one
half of one per cent of the world’s sup¬
ply of sugar is reported as maple, and
the demand for pure maple is constantly
increasing. The appetite is cumulative,;
and what was once a luxury rapidlyi
comes to be considered a necessity. Pure
maple syrup is n cheap dessert at a dollar,;
or is about even a the dollar only and farm a product half, a gallon. there is onj Itj
which Only the few producer weeks can employed fix the in price.j thej
a are
manufacture, and that at a time when]
there is the least demand for work onj
the farm. Pasturage of the ground and!
fallen timber for firewood are more than'
an offset for taxes. As a rule the sugar
bush in Michigan is made up of original a
forest trees preserved commonly for the purpose.- stand in
The sugar bushes
small isolated areas exposed to the fall
effect of wind and weather. These two
causes, old age and exposure, and not
tapping are to be assigned as the true
causes of the loss of sugar trees.— New
York World.
There are several factories in North;
Carolina manufacturing pine needle!?
into useful material, one factory produce! hair and
daily daily 1500 1500 pounds pounds of of pi pine-leaf an4
curled pine straw, sold to < furniture
carriage manufacturers for fiber stuffing is alsd
cushions, chairs, etc. The
converted into carpets and mattings.