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THE LINCOLNTON NEWS Z - VOLUME VII. NUMBER 23. T. Jay Gould is said to have control of more than two hundred thousand of railroad. Mr. Oberly, Commissioner of Indian Affairs, thinks that Indians should be trained to labor. Louisiana furnishes alone oiie-seveftth of our sugar. Her crop in 1388 was 850, 000,000 pounds. ... ” Boston still leads all other Titles in this country in the magnitude of its transactions in wool. ! 1 " i The debt of the Dominion of Canada increased last year from $227,314,775 to $234,513,358. There was an increase in the co 8 t of .nearly every branch of the public service. Plymouth Church, in Brooklyn, paid Henry Ward Beecher a salary of $20, OJO. It pays his successor $10,000, and at the end of last year had but $23 left in the- treasury. . Among the names suggested as substi¬ tutes for ‘North and South Dakota we note particularly the following: Ogalala, Ponka, Sanona, Pembiua, An¬ kara, Hedatsa, Tsanti, Arnati. The Frovidence Journal tlrnks that Communism as a remedy for Boulaugcr i*ffi» recommended by General Cluseret, would be to the French like taking the smallpox tp escape a tertian aguo. * The Congressional Committee ap pointed to investigate immigration has reported it as a matter of prime neces •ity that no idiot should be admitted from abroad into the United Slates. Philadelphia, which by the census of 1880 had but thirty per cent, of foreign bora mechanics, now complains that _ foreigners so overrun her building trades that American 1 103-8 have no chance of entering them. The length of the Alississippi River has always been placed at 4100 miles, but civil engineers familiar with the stream say that it has shortened itself o er 400 miles in twenty years, and will do as well in the twenty to come. The number of people immigrating into England yearly, varies considerably. The figureB'for the five years ending 1887 show a yearly average during that period of 118,082. Of the immigrants in 1887 85,475 Were of English origin. During the past year-the net-gain of new churches in the United States was 6434; of minister, 4505, and of members, 774,881. On an average, therefore, seventeen churches were gained each day, twelve ministers and 2120 members. New railroads built last year footed up all the way from 6900 to 7300 miles, ac¬ cording tp various authorities. The higher figure is nearer the mark and probably 7500 would .be the correct amPUftt. • This is. pretty good for an off year.,-' - " ' - • ’ .During the last fifteen years the excess of births oyer deaths has been seven times greater in Germany than in France. The contrast becomes greater when it is added that; while few Frenchmen emi¬ grate, as many as 4,000,000 Germans have removed to the United States since : mo. ■ ■ - , Governor Foraker, of Ohio, recently commuted the death sentence of a fe¬ male "murderer' to life imprisonment. He was influenced by a Judge who wrote to'him that death would be too good for the woman,, and that imprisonment for life was the only thing that would- pun¬ ish her With proper severity. Hamilton .Wilicbx in his latest publi¬ cation. ’“Freedom’s Conquest,” asserts that woman suffrage how exists to a greater or less extent in over one hun¬ dred regions ''of the world, covering fourteen millions of square miles and comprising a population of nearly three hundred millions. ■ A monument is to J>e erected on the spot'in ’th? forest oflEpinbuse where stood the oak tree in which ’Gambetta and AL Spuller flighted from their bal¬ loon, in their esoape from Paris to Tours during the Franco-German war. The tree itself was recently cut do .vn by the owner, who has no regard for relics. The New York World, in a recent _ . editorial on the saloons of that city, says that it is difficult to believe the facts in regard to the number of liquor shops in New York. It comes to the conclusion that “saloon keeping is tho chief in¬ dustry of the City of New Y’ork as com¬ pared with any other specific business.” The annual mortality caused in this country by that' form of tuberculosis called cdhsumpfiotr is estimated to be 180,000. The (oncurrent testimony of prominent pKysicians, veterinarians and bacteriologists is to the -'effect that this terrible mortality can.be largely decreased by preventing the sale of the beef of tuber¬ culous cattle and themiIk'of tuberculous cows. The careful sanitary inspection of all herds for the purpose of eradictlng this ditease is re juired, asserts the New Ifojrk Timh for the protection of the people. DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OP LINCOLN COUNTY. H S 8TA town, - From Shasta town to Radding town "'-I'iHH’ dead ’ Their Drops dusty terries up an^down grass-grown trails. Their Silent mines Are wrapped in chapparel and vines; Twixt Redding and sweet tS&l Shasta town. The quail pipes pleasantly. The hare That Leaps careless below o’er the golden oat The grows the water moat; lizard basks in sunlight there. The brown hawk swims tbe perfumed aif Unfrightened through the lifelong day; And now and then a enrious bear Comes shuffling down the ditch by night, And leaves some wide, long tracks in clay So human-like, so stealthy Tight, Where one lone cabin still stoops down ’Twixt Redding and sweet Shasta town. That great graveyard of hopes! of men Who sought for hidden veins oi gold; Of young men suddenly grown old— Of old men dead, despairing when The gold was jusc within their hoid! That storied land, whereon the light Of other days gleams faintly still; Somollke the halo of a hill That lifts above the falling night; That warm, red, rich, and human land. That flesh-red soil, that warm red sand, Where one gray miner miner still still sits sits down! down! Twixt Redding and sweet Shasta town! ‘I know the vein is here!’’ he said; For twenty years, for thirty years! While far away fell tears on tears From wife and-babe who mourned him dead. No gold! no gold! And he grew old And crept to toil with bended head, Amid a graveyard-of his dead. Still seeking for that vein of gold. Tbeifr lo, came laughing down the years A sweet grandchild! Between his tears He laughed. He set her by the door The while he toiled his day’s toil o’er, He held her chubby cheeks between His hard palms, laughed; and laughing cried You should have seen, have heard and seen His boyish joy, his stout old pride, When toil was done and be sat down At night, below . sweet Shasta town! At last his strength was gone. “No more! I mine no more. I plant me now A vine and tig-tree; worn and old, I seek no more my vein of gold. These But, oh, 1 sigh to give it o’er: It thirty years of toil! somehow And seems the so hard; but now, no more.” so old man set him down To plant, by pleasant Shasta town. And it was pleasant: piped the quail The full year through. The chipmunk stole, His whiskered nose and tossv tail Full buried m the sugar-bowl. And purple grapes and grapes of gold ' Swung sweet as milk. White orange-trees Grew brown with ia*ien honey-bees. Oh! it was pleasant up and down That vine-set hijl of Shasta town! And then, that cloud-burst cams! Ah, me! That torn ditch there! The mellow land Rolled seaward like a rope of sand, Nor left one leafy vine octree Of that Eden nestling down Below fcbat moat; by Shasta.town! * * * * * * * The old man sat his cabin’s sill, His gray head bowed upon his knee. J.he chi d went forth, sang pleasantly, Where burst the ditch the day before, And picked some pebbles from the hill. The o.d man moaned, moaned o’er and o’er; Must “My babe fold is dowerless, and I Ah, me! what my helpless hands and die! On and curse comes ever down me mine at Shasta town!” “Good Grandpa, see!” the glad child said, And soleaned softly to his side, ind ,ner,i° ]d 5 “*,? *° not'S bn?L< he . a ' 1 ’ -”Good Grandm de 8 I’ve found a peck of orange seeds! ’ I searched the hill for vine or tree; Nofcone!—not even oats or weeds; But, oh, such heaps of orangese=ds! That “Come, Godis good Grandpa! Now once vou said ' That good. So this may teach we must plant each seed, and each No^ g eo^rrandn»° ra ? ffe ' treo ’ , d ‘h'n'lh 11 °r r Iike t0 thi3 The The child thrust her full hands in ’ his. Hesprang^ sprang upright as of old. ’T is gold for you, sweet babe, ’t is gold! Yea, God is good; we plant again!” So one old miner still sits down By pleasant, sunlight Shasta town. —Joaquin Mit er, in St. Nicholas. A MISCHIEF MAKER . bx Helen forrest graves. “How d’ye do, Eliza?” said Aunt Maria Prendergast. “I’ve come to make make you a visit.” And when Aunt Mail! said she had come to make anybody a visdshe meant Mrs Maverick’s face fell. She was theory one of°ho 8 p\tafity who‘are°“visited” nature proxerbia!, and natural S as a con ST” «”'»*» "* JgejtP not cousins only tw'ce removed! Mrs for the sake of change of air; Cousin Hobart SSthSd I'arlow Maveri“k trom the hoSkd\fs West had headquarters during the autumn, and the two Misses Aubrey had stayed with Cousin Elba, because they did not know where else to stay, until their oft adv “ tlse “, ent3 10 th f P a P ers 8h8pe , ° f gltUa ‘ And no sooner was the coast clear,and Mrs. Maverick beginning to think of fall cleaning, Prendergast than down dropped 1 Aunt Maria on her “I knowed you’d be glad to see me,” said Aunt Maria. “It’s quite a sights sDell since I was here last, and IVe got of things to tell ye. llain’t cleaned house yet? Well, I’ll help ye Wasn’t it lucky I happened along just now? Makin’ soft toap to-day? I know a capital taught new receipt It that don’t ( rlando Jenks’s wife me. never fail to bring the soap. look Red cow sick? I’ll just step out and at her. Our folks always kept cows, and Mary Jenks is married to a cow doctor. I don’t doubt but that I can think of somethin to help Mrs. Maverick Alftveriek- gasped woqnorl and »nil grew »r»«r pale* r,«io Everybody Prendergast'e.“help” , knew what Aunt Maria amounted to. She was a disturbing element in everything. had pa-sed Her ofliciousness into adage. and per sistency required an She more waiting on than a baby, anything. and never Whatever was quite done, satisfied she with al was ways knew somebody in the nevt town ship who could have done it better. And as for gossip, her tongue formed a house, regular which electric Edison chain himself trom could house to not have surpassed. husband ain’t home,” said “So your Aunt Maria, drinking the tea which Mrs. LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 1889. M aT «fick, according to her special re quest, had left off work to make for her. “It’s queer bow late he’s around the place. I hope he ain’t took to bangin’ abaout saloons. Men are so unaccounta '. 1 ve alwa y s thanked Providence for givin’ . me strength to hold out against all Offers of merridge. A Single woman’s so sort o’ independent, you know. And Ellen’s been sacked by Tommy Morton! No? There wasn’t never no engage mcnt? Well, it does beat all how folks will talk. ^ I was told it was all cut and dried, cake, down to the plums in the weddm’ When Angelina Foster come along, and Tom just threw Ellen over for the sake of a prettier face. Does Ellen look like a jilted girl? Well, no, I can’t say she does,” with a sidelong glance at the green back-yard outside, where Ellen worked. was hanging “But out clothes, folks singing dread- as she some have a ful smart way of hidin’ their feelm’s. “And so the mortgage is goin’ to be foreclosed on the farm? No? Well, bkatb what I understand from Lawyer Hollister 8 wife. She’s been cleanin’the lawyer’s office while he was goin speechin fortheelection,andmeandshe, we read a lot ’o the papers. ’Tain’t mo7gage I do declare: a U e pS Folks offa JjgSi W*L and was sayin’ you om! te IheYcutttn’off 1 'his fubscri^ons your own sewin’ and housework, and it was this you was savin’ up for. “Eh? Edgar has paid the missionary bo.w srs* folk will tall And how’s Martin?” “Martin is very ^Maverick’s well,” said a cheerful voice, as Mrs. eldest son came in, at the sound of his own name. “How do you do, Aunt Maria?” Aunt “Middlin’—pretty middlin’,” said Maria, elevating a morsel of broiled chicken on the end of her fork and view ing it first on this side and then on that, “I’m afeard, Eliza, you’ll have to give this ’ere another touch o’ the girdiion. It’s a little rare, and I like things well done. Well, Martin,” as the discouraged housekeeper second retired to give herself a don’t toasting before the fire, “you seem to take it much to heart.” “Take what to heart, Aunt Maria!” “Lucy Weed’s nsw beau.” Martin Maverick colored even beneath the thick coat of sunburn that Hd browned his handsome lace. He binys lip. Aunt “I Maria,” don’t think he. I under.fcfM W fu. T said ’ U H“ 0W it? UWl 1 aweek MnL to W dS ’ « T comeover to e ^ y^ ,w G9 UCy *, Kr0wa ? notlon ,- awfu °J j ’ 4 • , Y aBd W h£ Y ? f’ J Yf ey n Pf r ' mvielf ssu Hal T» 1 S»t eePy ' 1 f° 0 k l? bl0ndes . don’t deny that Lucy!s an up-and down beauty. She’ll fade a* she grows older - them yellow haired women always do but I reckon she s bound to make a £? 0< ^ 38 dreadful pleased about it, and of course its her duty to make the best market she can. v.he sa-gettin ready forhim to come and Ca “ p6t ^ Wltb 1 ’. Ule ™ r “ ^"» 1 ^TS ht a on ncw ablack 8tor , e k , Vt papered the SnrW tacked muslm r ^ all r ot ! a “ curtmgs to the withers. A\ eeds folks is awfu itasty. “ e ?. ERza, this is cooked to a T now. Q SUC Jlf f pmkle, have i1 % r ^,?; Woo “ tershlr ? j® .partial goodfor 1 to dvspepsy” relishes with my victuals. Its - haTe !et 80 ol ? a fr i® nd “ as W mv « know of lhl8 8udden Annt Marti v inclTned e , “Blue eved gals is to be treacherous, ” said she. “It's their na '“L dunno s they can he!Ip it. ^ou-J-ou did not tell me his name,” , hazarded Martin, with attempt at a va n nonchalance ■nr Maria, -^ e mi though U d J I t ^ asked i her Sald Aun and i down. Blondes dieadful up is secretive. -mfrninti d ““ 1 baVe rr° d wltb L^ P C k e3 , ' Vf yCal ,’ k ,za ’ T H 8 eTB cowcumber | ain’t overly;sou r . t. But Isays '“iwS’ Sf ! 3 7 ]’ ‘t e s a lavs ^ best to ^ be ’ “Vof I-^worc^ ^JesTkughed^in my fli PP ant ’ Blue " ® * e ’ > artU ‘ Mavenckhad left the im ‘ M arla 13 *> n o'M gossip Goto r NTj i cIn’t can t do uo that mar, Elfen juien. No iso rnan man with wim « L Ible J “ lv crealurls " e “ Women Martin are unaccoun ” said sa,d lartln trvin« smile ’ ’' ’ y ° to ‘ ^ Into Te r 0 Ellen’s eyes. “Oh, Martin .” she cried, tenderly deceiv/me! ca r in f h T’ cannot make ™ £ ifohV o^ft^’tfh ^“shal^nevw hll Seated* ea to Lucy Weed anainsho § lou’U^ treated vou you like like this' this. Bnt But you 11 go demn’her nr\,7n Sear’d?”” 3UdSe ^ Con 1 ill nothing more * to j do with •*». her 1 . u And . - even the sister who . nearest was to his heart dared plead no more, when tm^averKksbrow. ff”’ 'he,gathering sternness on Mar Tboda >- 8 w f nt by ’ and tb ?7* eka - and Aullt . Uaria T l rendergast still brooded, healthstone! ° ! CP ’ ° VP1 ° avenc And d one ° beautiful 1 1 dav ud in November Tame th g d 013 ' e n d n d atalf I Weed ^ fair alli t sfatelv white lily, Ellen sprang ,* up A from her work. , L cr c ; led ed _<< oh, h dar. dar J ’ e 0 mv my *1“* VV ’ here . , be? said .. r Lucy. ‘W hy is doe3 ha-not write to me? What has Happened! “Can you ask, Lucy?” faltered Ellen, “1 can ask,” said Lucy, “and I do! Haven’t I a right? I am as true to him as I ever was. I have done nothing to forfeit his good opinion/’’ . At the sound of her words, Martin came out from the ad oining room, “Lucy,” said he, stern and grave as an avenging this. angel, Is “you might have spared me there any necessity for tor Wiring further? ‘ back mo Go to your new sweetheart. Be satisfied with Lis al legiance!” “I have had sweetheart but never any spoke the you, Martin I" bravely girl. visit “No?” where bitterly. you preparing “Then so brief for awhile whose ago?” shrilly "Y'ouknowyou was, Lucy Weed!” uttered Aunt Maria Prendergast, w ho had hurried into the room, and now gtoo d peering under Martin Maverick’s “I seen it with mj own eyes and heard it with my own ears. A new st0 re carpet, and wall-paper at thirty cents a roll and—” “Yes,” said Lucy Weed, her velvet blue eyes sparkling; “for my lovee - ms heart’s king! I wanted to receive him w i t h the best I had. It was you, Mar tin. Ellen had written to me that you were coming to see me when the leaves turned red—that you would surprise me. And oh, I was so happy r in the anticipa tion of you com i ng! » Martin turned to hiB sister. “Lllen ga id he, “did you betray my ge Cre t?” Ellen colored to the very roots of her jj a j r “Oh, Martin,” said she, “I had for *>«« it, Yes, I did; I wanted Lucy .*»^“ hof- k ® f tbought-indeed, I did that this Mar ‘ a 1™*^ *% * £he “Dear burst Martin,” intotears she sobbed, “will you . m gone up to Martin and slipped her arm l nto hl8 ’ wlth renewed brightness m her “ace; “for my sake, Ellen, he will Was happy-oh, >* not so happy “ e P'fasurej 1-until for this I was last s k^ow Luc *- came. satT Martin, fervently, “you . know ver ? well that there is nothing 7°? can a8k of me tbat 1 won 1 g rant > 888 „ “Unless , , what?” , her blue eyes spark- , bog wnh sweet defiance, bldes8 J ou “ k me to “J i,e £unt „ Maria Prendergast said to our wedding.” that, ‘ No,” Lucy, “I won’t arte She 13 a m'schief-making, meddling old cr0 "®’. and 111 have n OD e ° f her at ! wedding, or any croaked one else’s.” , , I La “ ma! Aunt Marta.” beerd sucb Ulk ln llfe be * But, nevertheless, .. , Aunt . Maria left the ** ^ ** there,” calculatin’ she! “Andrew to vnend the winter said I’ve got to hire board at thrse dollars and a ha f a week. I wouldn’t ’a believed .hem Mavericks would have gone back on me like that. But it was all Lucy Weed’s d ™g- Them light-complected, blue eyed women can’t never be depended »■>”-«■*» -vw. ; _ . Antipjiftn ffabif. ! xhe new coal-tar product antipyrin already started a vice of its own. g j n g U i ar compound was discovered by a German chemist, and on account of jts remarkable qualities is now used the -world over. Ithasthepowerofreduc ing the temperature ; of the body J by sev eral degrces and s0 is of vast utility in treating fevers and feverish stages of many diseases. It does its work by de p generally ress i n g the action of the heart, and when employed by physicians j neutralize fc j g accompanied with digitalis to its influence in the latterre g f ard Women use it partly because it n akes the complexion beautifully clear ric- ZZsftZ W *52 habit, like all others, grows upon the person who practices it. It does harm, however, from the first. With women ' wfth Start th^ha^l* 88 ^ ceases the tendency } to a terrible ex tcnt Besides tbese result3 ail tipyriD cxerts a which peculiar is influence upon the bloodj the not yet thoroughly understood by faculty. It seems to nnder g 0 SO when me decompos.tion absorbed by the or break j ng do wn system, developing unknown the blood compounds,"which either attack itself or else powerfully ” anglia which iaflu6 nce i the the nerves vital func- and contro York Tetter. Stanley’s Labors on-the Congo, j A railroad has been planned to carry the five tnousand miles of navigable SZ. d »S» 7S?. SSS^UTS state, founded bv Stanley’s friend, Leo s ®uth of the great bend of the river and contains an area of one million five hun ! dred and eight thousand square miles; its-population S' more than forty-two 1° / es tldeS collected fr0 ? the African trade are ivory, - palm-oil, foodf ™nkeV^ hln^notmus iverf S^and^hHes tSs ^“V^ toughfwith^S and and other s^ g « colored beads ’ b / ass copper wire, cotton cloth ’ CU ' ery ; guns : ammunition, and a.great vanetv of articles known as <‘notions” or “trade-goods.” The basil of all buying and trade; selling all in the Conge E reeState is free nations that part i f jp a ted in the Berlin Congo Confer ence have right to trade and barter and establish posts within the boundaries oi that territory, vast and rich, made ... cessible through the labors of Stanley, —St. Mchohtt. Chinese Nuptial Preparations, The preparations for the imperial wed. ding go on uninterruptedly of the Han-lin at Peking, Thirty oflicials hanging scrolls Academy are copying and out poetical of au spicious inscriptions, to b« hung * lft pairs; ‘ and twenty operatives ol the t ot com e in every his belt, morning, the esc* with his passport to pal ace t0 decorate the walls. The courl - n ters are also hard at work at tht munshm, or door iosses, for which paper, paint, etc., have been issiied to them by order of the Board of Revenue from tht Color C.ronide. Department.—Am Franeisc i ‘ ___ The Farmers 1'oice ssys: "Don’t kill the old hen.” The boarding house board ers’ voice echoes the sentiment. A naval engagement—Popping thi pestioa at sea.—f V»w, . BUDGET DUDULI OF vl FUN A Ulv« ----------- HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VABIOUS SOURCES. feigns of the Season — Misappre¬ hension— Mnsicai Item—A Con¬ siderate Judge—Put in a Different Light, Ete., Etc, ^ When the water s'owly freezes In the pump, When the merry winter breeze is On the jump, When the people of this section Get And a purplish complexion, the mercury's direction Isa-s!ump; When the merchant dons his great Rubber boots, And the school-boy on his skate Executes Most astonishing gyrations. Elephantine demonstrations, When in full blast are the nation’s Boggan chutes; When the attic room doth grow When Quite too airy, the streets because of snow Become glary— Then ’tis very safe to say That ’tis not the month of May, But the blizzanlously gay February. —Harper s Bazar. Misapprehension. hSjTi !';* 0 ““‘ “It would be more dangerous w to fish e " > ” ie4 y _ Mnsicai Item. “One of these dollars is a counterfeit, ma’am.” j- ..e 1 . ..a hear how clear the genuine sounds. That’s tenor. Notice when I tap the other one. That's base. Siftings. A Considerate Judge. Judge-“Aliss, how old are you?” Witness—“Well, I’m thirty ” “Thirty what”’ “Weil, between thirty and forty.” “I’ll put your age down at thirty l0 “ “*■** Pnt in a Different Light In the garden. “Are you bird not like ashamed, cousin, to kill a pretty that;” “But, my deal girl, I thought it would look so well in your hat.” “True, I didn’t thiDk of that! It’s exactlv the same shade of gray. You are very kind \"-*udge. An Excellent Dressmaker. Miss Travis “Don’t you think my ncwdxesajsoosneet for anything?’ Miss Debm.th-“Oh lovely-exquis make [ A a beanpole binnnl 6 look graceful l”-Bur- T ld ling ton Free I res. „ ’T Drill n -u c Sergeant—“1 . say, .Schmidt, 1 . ^ v have ^ 0 U aD * dea 01 bow sb)w and £ tupid you " are j ‘ Private Schmidt—“I don’t know.” “Of course you don t, but let me tell you that an Egyptian mummy is frisky compared with you. ’ Not At All. De Smith—“Don't you think Aliss De Collete is a splendid creature?” Travis—“les. all but her eyes. They aren’t exactly the same color.” De Smith—“You ought to overlook a little fault like that.” Travis—“I can’t. She’s a foot taller than I am.”— Burlington Free'Press. Practically Unanimous. secession of " 0 ^ oft he Statw waTbein discussed in a little company one evem J 3 . do “How the ladies feet about it?” asked one gentleman of another “Oh,” replied the person addressed “the ladies are for union to a man”’— ' Harper. It Had Been the Rounds. Miss Clara-- ,, T Is that ,, , a new ring you have on, Ethel. It strikes me 1 have seen it before.’ Aliss Ethel (blushing) Yes, Clara; young Air. Paperwate presented it to me last night. I have accepted him;” Aliss Clara “Oh, indeed' I’m so glad. Accept my best wishes. I thought that ring looked strangely fa miliar.”— Lite. The Mother’s Joke. Afother—“I would not put too much faith in Aliss Pert, John.” Son—“Why not? She’s all right.” Mother—“Don’t you think she's a little weathercock?” flighty, apt to change, like a Son—“No. What makes you think she’s like a weathercock?” Alother—“Because she’s a little vain.” —Boston Courier. „ * 1 ™ dn 1 Ad . ert , s< First , Tradesman ® J, How , s \ business . with you, Smith: ■ Second Tradesman (dejectedly) . “Pretty Tradesman—“I poor. haven’t l-irst see you got any sign up.” Second Tradesman— ‘ No; I don’t be lieve in signs. Goods speak for them selves.” First Tradesman—“No, they don’t, It’s my opinion, Smith, that, with re spect to a sign, you have either got to put up or shut up .”—Burlington Free Press. E ^ ,t Suited. r Landlady- . Does the turliey suit you, Mr..McGinnis. . “Carder— It is excellent, Mrs. Hash well. I do believe that cook of vours could roast a side of so.e-leather and make it tender and palatable. This is (feeling confusedly that he has made a blunder), I mean, of course, tender enough particular, for me. know. I m I not—an—at all you can--or—worry ; down^ ’ we * 1, any sort of cooking. Airs. Hash (icily)—Thank _ ., Mr. you, McGinnis I Chicago Tribune. r - 7 - Th© _ „ Nothin® witnlt. size to ao Magistrate sir, (to complainant)—“Do that this woman’s baby you mean to say, &r%^i5?SSSW. j Co®pUinant-“Ye* Magistrate—“And the your honor ” weigh than fourteen baby doesn» about more the smallest pounds; it’s specimen of hu¬ manity I ever saw! A baby that size can’t make any noise.” get Complainant—“Judge, married and have you ought to a few babies your¬ self; it would broaden your intellect and give legal you importance information that might be even of to you.”— Epch. Supposed a Case A small boy entered a Fourteenth avenue grocery the other day and asked the proprietor to trust him to two cents’ worth of candy. “I don’t know you,” was the reply. “But I live jUSt two blocks down.” “Bat what made you suppose I’d trust you?” because “I supposed so you’ve got two barrels of kerosene out doors and I could have bored gimlet holes in both of them last night without anybody knowing The grocer compromised by trusting the boy to a cent’s worth of candy and rolling Free the barrels into his shed .—Detroit Prese. He Admitted She Was Right. He was seated across the room. denly “George,” she said “if a fire were sud¬ to break out in the house what ™? aldbe J our first impulse, do you s>s uouffilo J ii. l ?S5r,^4uS. *i extinguish .‘f.'rrj'i the flames.” «* <fi a were to break out now, for instance, wouldn’t you lose valuable time in reach¬ ing me from away across the room “I don’t know but what I would,” said George, as he changed his seat. -*•*» Salary No Object. Young Woman (at intelligence office) —“Any situations open to- day.” . Manager-“Yes. Eecond There is a fine Open “* ‘ or a S‘ rl 1Q a f od famll y ” a ^ T 1 ght ' And J ou get TOUr board fr ee, - k: ?, ow ’ and tW0 afterD00Q3 oS ever ? '__ dL«,r. w ' , U .... , ... ^er * Manager—“Let me see. H’m. Yes, Grindem A Hardface,the dealers in green hiaes and tanners’ supplies, in the base¬ ment this side of the docks on Dingy Row, want an assistant bookkeeper. Salary small, of course-” Young Woman (excitedly)—“Never mind the salary. Giva me a note to the firm!"— Chicago Tribune. Both , n Hard Llick This story opens on the third floor of a chair t ^ i t0 find won f s t0 express his undyin hem devotion, haw, and bad already be f and below! when a voice came rom the floor . lyIi6S Candlewick,” it said “I love h yeu passionately—madly: and a11 dark bid me but °P e - t’ne colors of my life w }y change!” This was a bonanza for the young man above. “Miss Clara, darling,” he said, tremu louslv, “them's my sentiments.” Then another voice came from below: “No, Air. Goatee, I cannot bid you hope; I love another.” “And them’s mine, Air. Alorris,” re¬ marked Aliss Claia.— Harper's Bazar. Brains Always Win. Stranger—“Beg pardon, madam, for kind calling «“°ugh you to the door, tell but will you that be to me who i ignorant, house vulgar, commonplace woman in the across the way is?” Airs. Gabb—“That’s Mrs. Stuckup.” 1 0Q me “ ber ber ln tb fuUlre ° name ' s How / af ' aot <tld ,t° suc waste -a a bo time P e ' lpfcKiAr , lessly lornrvrpnt ignorant wnmnn woman get rr*t. nn t.nis this vf»rr very on res P e ctable street, I wonder?” “I'm . sure I don't know. I called on ber once > but she nem returned it, and that ended our acquaintance, you may be sure the odious thing.” “I should say so. Why, that woman wouldn’t know a lady fr°m an orang outang; she wouldn’t know a bright spoon from a black one. It’s an actual fact that it isn't five minutes since she said she had never heard of the Skihigh silver polish; and when I even went to the trouble to brighten a spoon for her she said it looked just the same. Never saw such ignorance. I suppose you have always used the Skihigh polish, of course. You have the bright, cheery, beautiful appearance of ladies who do, but perhaps your supply is most out, and in that case-” “I believe it is. I’ll take a package.” “It comes in cans, madam. One dollar, please. Thanks .”—Philadelphia Record. A Dependent Citizen. The following true story is told of a well known member of the bar in Alle¬ gany County, New Y’ork, than whom there never lived a gentlier, kindlier spirit. With his scholarly attainments jj and profound ssed the knowledge simple, dependent of legal lore e p 0sge na ture of a child, and, it may be added, a child’s utter guilelessness and /aith in his kind. His wife, fortunately for the worldly success of the marked pair," was shrewd and her practical in a degree; upon strong independence heavily, of character Judge (3 -leaned except within the domain of his profession, his where, singn- cu piously enough, and infallible. opinions were In the do Jarly prompt and social circles, however, he rnestic deferred to Mrs. C- in the simplest matters, and so hahitual had this state 0 f things become that it did not occur t ° ^ther of them that there was any thing unusual in it. From donning his w i D ter flannels to leading a card at the w hist table he never pretended to act without “Helen’s” sanction and advice. But one day he showed his condition 0 f men tal servitude in a really astonish ing ache, way. He was suffering from tooth and his wife sent him to the vil ] a ge dentist for relief. Obediently he went, mouth got into preliminary the chair, and opened his for the examination, “Which tooth is it aches, Judge?” in the dentist, poising the forceps, There was a moment’s hesitation; then Judge and sat up from his reclining po looking innocently at the said, in all good faith: “Well, k ”"‘ ™ s ° in idftm. THE OLD CHURCH. The Albany (0a.) Fains says: The follow¬ ing lines by an unknown author was found written on ths crumbling walls of the old Blandford church o: Petersburg, Va., In 1S41. The church was built in 1735. As far as the -Veic .5 and Advertiser can leant, tbey have never appeared in print, but their beauty The and patbos df serve preservation. circumstances of their coming to light, and the fact that they are still anonymous, reminds one of the beautiful lines found at¬ tached to a skeleton in thfe British Museum, and which every effort was made to find the author, without avail: Thou art crumbling to the dust, old pile Thou art hastening to thy fall. And around thee in thy loneliness Clings the ivy to the wall. The worshippers are scattered now Who knelt before thy shrine, And silence reigns where anthems rose In days of “Auld Lang Syne.” And sadly sighs the wandering wind Where oft in years gone by. Prayers rose from many hearts to Him, The highest of the high. The tramp of many a busy foot That sought thy aisles is o’er, And many a weary heart around Is still—forever more. How doth ambition’s hope take wing, How droops the spirit now: We hear the distant city's din; The dead are mute below. The sun that shone upon their paths. Now guilds their lonely graves; The zephyr which one fanned their brows The grass above them waves. Oh! could we call the many back Who’ve gathered here in vain— Who’ve careless roved where we do now, Who’ll never meet again. How would our very souls be stirred To meet the earnest gaze Of the lovely and the beautiful, The light of other days. / P1TII AND POINT. Cut glass—Glaziers. Always raising cane—Cuban planters. Pays in the long run—A successful play. Some of the candidates for missions will get them, while others will get omissions. —PiXtsLurg Chronivle. When some men draw up a note they have to draw it up as small as possible before any one will take it .—Si tings. Perhaps the most potential letter of the alphabet is “n,” because it can make a man of ma .—Bin hampt-m Republican. Four hunters fire simultaneously at a rabbit that keeps on running, and they ask altogether: “I wonder who missed that time] Explorer Stanley has evidently found himself. He should now tie a string around his little finger, so as to remem¬ ber where he is .—Roctiest r Post. The man who conld if be would but won’t Bsstow on his wife a dime, Is the man who would if he could but can’t Get married a second time. — Time. The man who was caught carrying away the planks of the sidewalk for fire¬ wood excused himself on the ground that his doctor had ordered him to take a walk every day .—BMon Courier. Oh, to sit by the stove with A maiden trim and neat! Marriage But may be a failure courtship's hours are sweet! —Boston Courier. ‘Poor little boy,’’she said sympatheti¬ cally to the one-armed urchin, “Did you lose your little arm?” “No'm,” he replied, tearfully, “I picked it up after the smash-up,and dad,he had it buried.” — Time. fond Aspiring of Author—“Of course Miss you Whip- are perly poetry, Whipperly—“Aly are you not. maid is, ■" Aliss 1 believe; but let us talk of something entries for serious; tell me all about the the dog show.”— Life. THEY COME HIGH. The roses that bloom in the winter May be within reach oi the rich, But they're rather too high for the fellow Who's neither a wizard nor witch. —Netc York Journal. She—“Don’t you think you had bet¬ ter get a shine? Your shoes are very dingy.” He—“Why, they don’t need it; they are patent leather.” She—“The patent must it renewed have expired; .”—London you TiJ-Bits. had bet¬ ter get “Fortune knocks once at each man’s door.” Th s we’re inclined to doubt; Or if she ever knocked at ours ”1 We certainly were out. —Boston Courier. The Telocity of Elevators. Few persons have any idea of tha speed of an elevator. An ordinary guess wouldn’t probably come within half a mile a minute of being right. Some' elevators run as always slowly as eighty conductor feet a minute. You ask the about elevators of this kind, and he tells you apologetically and that that they’re the old thiDg is worn in out, that will soon going cake. to get a new one take the The average speed of elevators is about 225 feet a minute. This includes or¬ dinary stoppages. The elevators in the Equitable basement Building have a run building, of 185 feet from to top of and it takes twenty seconds to make that run without stops. In a day of nine hours these elevators run over ten miles. Ti^e elevators in the ’Western Union Telegraph BuildiDg, and in Al¬ drich Court are exceedingly lively. They have developed a speed of 500 feet a minute. That is going pretty fast. A person with a weak stomach would be unwise to ride downin.an elevator mak¬ ing that speed. It would upset bis cal¬ culation ,—New York Press. Man’s Dual Death. According kinds to the Medical News, there and are cellular, two and of death, somatic both must occur before* man is completely dead. When the former takes place without the latter there is a chance of reviving the patient, A man has been resuscitated after re¬ mainiDg half an hour at the botton of a stream. A man who died from Indian hemp poisoning was recalled to life after many hours’ hard and apparently hope less work. These cases of resuscitation occurred in warm weather or in a warm room where cellular life might, reasonably be expected death. to continue The some time is after that somatic inference many deaths occur that might be pre vented by extra work on the part of the physicians, Goes off mad—The dog. with hydro Jffiohis, ______