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THE LINCOLNTON NEWS.
ICTi
UOLUME VII. .NUMBER 33.
It is said that diphtheria is the dead¬
liest enemy of the human race.
Missouri has just granted school suf¬
frage to women, being tW I sixteenth i ‘' State
to do so.
Secretary Blaine has assured the Span¬
ish Government that this country has no
desire to purchase Cuba.
Immigration is turning from the West'
to the South, and fortunes are being
made in the South rapidly out of min¬
erals.
Great Britain, according to Professor
Thorold Rogers, has $12,000,000,008
vested in other countries with an
return of 4* per cent.
The whipping of criminals is again
proposed in the English Parliament.
Fifty strokes for an adult offender and
twenty-five for a boy is the limit, thougli
a sentence may provide for several whip¬
pings.
Sir Charles Russell’s allusion to Amer¬
ica in his great speech before the Par¬
nell Commission, as “that great Ireland
across the seas,” is a reminder that there
are mort Iriihmeu in Ameripa than there
are in Ireland.
Mrs. Groundwater, the new Police
Judge at Cottonwood Falls, Kan., began
her administration by fining a plain
“drunk” $5 and costs. On the same
day she set a hen, made two gingham
aprons, and returned five calls.
Since the purchase of Alaska it can
be said of the United States what has
been said of England for the last century
—that the sun never sets on her
dominions. At sunset in Alaska the
next morning’s sun is an hour high in
Maine.
The regular income of John D. Rocke¬
feller, the Standard Oil magnate, is
twenty millions of dollars a year. “That
makes him the richest man in the United
States,” declares the New York Sun.
“perhaps the very richest in the world.
Hejs a Baptist.”
’
Newfoundland’s luck is as thick as hei
fogs this year, observes the Chicago Sun.
The Treasury has a surplus; the cod
fishery prospects are good, and her ships
have just come in after a fortnight’s
cruise with a million dollars’ worth of
seal fat in their holds.
Jtis said; remarks the Atlanta Consti¬
tution , that the reason why our maga¬
zines never publish any good poetry,
from unknown writers is because they art
afraid of being victimized by plagiarists.
It is a standing rule in all magazine offices
to reject good poetry unless the author
is well known.
Deer and elk are literally massacred in
Wyoming and Western Colorado by
wealthy Englishmen who come over to'
enjoy the sport. The great herds along
the “continental deer trail” are being
rapidly depleted by-this useless slaughter.
Men who .belong in the region do not
kill an animal except to use it, and will
pass' by whole herds without firing a shot.
The New Orleans Times-Democrat states
that, the Abbe Peretti, a Corsican priest,
member of many scientific and historical
societies, has written a remarkable work
called “Christopher Columbus, French¬
man,' Corsican and native of Calvi,”
maintaining that America' Mils not dis¬
covered by Christopher Columbus, the
Genoese, but by Christopher Columbus, -
thfi. Corsieqh.
Distressful snowstorms are the latest
visitations which have fallen upon Silesia.
AVheu the people are not starving to death,
exclaims the Washington Star, they are
drowned by inundation'; uiid when, the
water goes down, a ljte snoAvstori* the" co mes
to blight tbmotops gild freeze poor
cottagers in the highlands. The poet
who though! variety the very spice of
life missed a deal of pleasure by not hav¬
ing the lines of his career cast in this
Prussian pro vince.
The proprietor of the Scilly Islands is
Colonel Smith Dorrien-Smith, who holds
-a lease of all -the islands from the British
,Gov|rnment. He is virtually a King.
Should any of his tenants prove ob¬
jectionable they are shipped off to the
mainland,, ah arrangement which .insures
hfs having jhst the‘sort. Sf subjects he de
sires,. ' In all matters, civic, social and
religious his word isthe supreme authority .
It appears to cost the people of this
country about ten cents apiece to be
counted, calculates the Chicago b Herald.
The appropriation tor the census of . next
year is $6,400,000. The original appro
priation for the census begun in 1880 was
an ’ 000 ’ ooO •’ but as thie work -ptogresied
to,. ? 5
from , year to yeai .
appropriated, and the former figures do
not poitenfi a census report proportion
ally bigger than the present one. Over
40,000 enumerators will be employed in
addition to force of 1400 clerks , at ... he
a
main office in Washington.
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
IN THE DARK.
0, in the depths of midnight,
What fancies haunt the brain.
When even the sigh of the sleeper
S ° Unds like a soh of P ain
'
A sense of awe and of wonder
I may never weil define,
I or the thoughts that come in the shadows
Never come in the shine.
The old clock down in the parlor,
Like a sleepless mourner grieves,
And the seconds drip in silence
A* the min drips from the eaves.
And I think of the hands that signal
The hours there in the gloom,
And wonder what angel watchers
Wait in the darkened room.
And I think of the smiling faces
_
mil cl^fa’nswered
By the click of the opening gate.
They are not there now in the evening—
Morning or noon—not there;
Yet I know that they keep their vigil
And wait for me somewhere.
—James Whitcomb Riley.
BRIMSTONE.
The scene is the old wagon trail be¬
tween Kansas City and Denver, near the
dividing line between Kansas and Colo¬
rado; the time, the summer of 1866, when
the Plains! Indians east of the Rocky
Mountains were in general outbreak
against the whites. A large wagon train
under charge of that veteran and noted
freighter, Pete Ouray, was on its way
westward to Salt Lake City.
At that time the plains stretching be¬
tween Eastern Kansas and the Rocky
Mountains tvere a barren waste, unbroken
by abodes of civilized men save an oc¬
casional military or trading post, and the
stations of the Ben Holliday overland
stage line. Civilized men might cross and
even hunt on its dreary expanse, but it
was dians, regarded as a fit home only for In¬
The buffaloes, antelope and coyotes. fai
train had proceeded so on its
journey without misadventure. The gr
was good, and there had been no Indian
attack. Signs of the hostiles, however,
were not wanting, and some were omi
nous fore e nough. But two or three days be¬
the freighters had come up with a
wagon train which had left Kansas City a
little ahead of them.
It was a dismal sight. The mules were
gone, and the wagons a plundered wreck.
The teamsters lay about dead, all scalped
and mutilated with every freak of savage
barbarity.
All this tended to produce reflections
the reverse of cheerful in the minds of the
finders. After burying in one grave the
mangled their bodies, the teamsters returned
to wagons, and the train moved on.
But scenes even as appalling as this do
not long depress men accustomed to ever
present strong dangers. The expedition was
in men and equipment, and, to
guard against surprise by Indians, a vigi¬
lant watch was kept night and. day.
It happened that on this June dhy, af¬
ter the noonday halt, three men whose
duties did not call them to the wagon
seats lingered after the train moved on,
to let their horses graze on the luxuriant
new grass.
T hqvo coiri bnl h l lo rp beex ^ t thc ' re
two two hoises ’
were were and H a mule. , The mule,
/e/d P /ddl!- flgUle l’ 1 U l St °i- y f the
rif/ 013 °v. f FaU a
darino- ^ vn nno> / r l ’tr h ° 7'^ *
third S„tS, Gto the P' a, “'
f P peculiar
01 ',
p Brimstone had . joined . . , the expedition in ,
tms wise: A Ians:, Giscouraged-looking
Missourian brought him to the wagon
tram as it was about leaving Kansas City,
Ihe man wanted badly to sell, and of
tered the beast at a price far below his
seeming value. He showed proper vouch
ers tor his ownership, and Pete Ouray
Sought tire animal for a song.
When Pete tried to use the mule he
thought that he had paid far too much,
He first harnessed him in a team, but no
sooner dtd the traces begin to draw than
the beast tell to kicking and plunging,
ami finally tinned short round and faced
the wagon. He so mixed up the entire
eight-mule team that parts of the harness
exeused ha^ to be lrom cut iurther (o get thei^ service clear. as a draught He. was
animal, and remanded tor the time
to a naltor.
He kicked, struck aud bit at whom or
whatever was about him. There seemed
to be no bounds to the reach of his hind
tegs and Ins accuracy in locating- his:
hoots it wasjcommouiy believed that he
could lack round a corner; That he was
worse than useless? Joe Difbbs was free to
assert, cs he came limping from the cor
ial, holding his knee with both hands
and hunting for a revolver; he was vow
mg, in tlie first transports of pain and
lage^-to kill, tne malevolent brute, which
had assumed a look of extreme innocence
to lute him near enough for a telling
kick, but Lrimstone lived and kicked on
seiencij. He had a destiny to fulfil tuat
no blustering* of infuriated teamsters
could a veil.
Bigspur Bill, who claimed to be a
bronco breaker, offered to ride him. “I’ll
make a saddle mule of him, or git broke
up a trying” he said, with an air of de
termination, as ho posed heroically in
Mexican pantaloons, settoff by spurt like
rising suns.
All bauds turned to and helped, and
Brimstone, with much ado, was saddled
and bridled. Four men held him. Bill
gpt in the saddle.
“Now turn him'loose, boys,” be said,
The men at the mate’s head let go.
Brimstone s head went down to his fore
i egs , his back rounded and he went into
the air. When he came back to earth,
Bill, who had gone some feet higher, re
“**ned astride the high corral fence on
whigjh he had fallen, aud which he seemed
to prefer to his late seat in tbe saddle,
Brimstone whereat kicked for him hopefully,
Bill slipped down on the other
*Me, aud, fvrfth clanking ' spura, made
tra ^ %****$'
For atitca alter this no one undertook , ,
to handle tbs yellow mule, which lived at
ease, toiling not in the long day’s march,
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, JUNE 21, iss'.i.
except to follow leisurely the wagon to
which he was tied. Pete Ouray became
disgusted. “I don’t know what to do
with the brute,” he said. “I hate to
give up for useless a young mule with as
fine p inis as he has/ '
He made this remark to Frank Sanger,
Thetwo were looking at Brimstone, who
stood tied to a wagon, and with head erect
and a white rt leam in the corner of his eye
was A l*aten waiting for whoever might come near,
path which circled behind him
at least ten feet beyond his heels was re
hgiously followed by every one who
passed.
to ‘jSell Salt Lake him to City,” the Mormons said Frank. when we ‘-It’ll get
serve em both right.
“ s P ose 1 gi^ him to you to ride;"
‘‘Thank you for remembering me,”
said Frank, “but T doh t need Mm. The
hoife I have suits me.
“I know it, Frank, but jes' look at the
matter squat now. You know we can’t
be carrym along idle . stock this Way.
We ve got to put him to some use, and
ther s nobody with the train kin back
that brute unless it s you. Hes got the
makin’ of a mighty fine saddle animal if
you kin master him.”
“Well, Pete, to help you out, 11! try
11! ®‘
So the next morning _ Frank, with much
care and patience, got a saddle and bridle
on Brimstone, and atapropitious moment
vaulted into the saddle, where he stayed,
The mule bucked viciously, and made a
long, violent struggle, which he renewed
at intervals during that and several sue
ceeding days. Finding that he eould
not unseat his plucky rider, he at length
gave up trying, and settled info his
natural gait, a long, easy lope. His pace
was wonderfully swift and strong, and
Pete s prediction of what Brimstone eould
do under a saddle was verified.
Thereafter Frank rode the yellow mule
regularly’, and, in time, they got on terms
of mutual toleration. To be sure, Frank
SlJ ^ *° ke fP a lookout whenever
within . reach of his steed s teeth and heels,
and Brimstone made it a matter of princi
ple always to buck awhile when first
mounted for the day.
But he recognized an equally constant
tendency of his master to spare at these
times neither whip nor spur, with the
variation of a hickory club. Putting all
facts together, and not being in the least
a “fool mule, he began to regulate his
conduct so as to secure the fewest of
these attentions. Under wise handling
and firm control, the animal on the whole
improved in docility.
It was through this chain of events that
Brimstone came to be feeding by this
little party of three who loitered at mid¬
day under the blue sky, The saddles
and bridles lay where they had been
thrown down. The young men were
stretched on the curly grass enjoying rest
after long riding. The animals grazed
contentedly at the end of then- lariats.
There was no sign of danger on tbe
broad plain. Nevertheless, it were well
for the party to have borne in mind that
the swells of the rolling prairie and deep
ravines might conceal the incont eaicntly
near approach of an enemy. The train,
now a full mile distant, was all the time
drawing away from thfm.
O ne pt the reclining men looked round.
jumped . and yelled “Injuns! The others
came on to their feet at once. They
caught up the saddles and bridles, made
f° r *««• animals, and. began
(hem in haste.
T h f e were souutl reasons for doing
, for less , than mile band of
a away a
Arapahoe Indians was coming for the
P?rty at full speed, every man urging
h,S P 0Uyand ^ing his bow in readi
ness for use. evidently with the worst m
tentious.
The saddles and bridles were quickly
adjusted, and the men astride their steeds,
The horses, filled with instinctive terror
at the sight and scent of of the Indians.
leaped at the touch their riders, and
were soon galloping after the train at a
pace rivaling that of the Arapahoes.
Not so the mule. He felt well after
rest and feeding, and was in a mood for
a tussle with his rider. Perhaps he
thought he had been good over-long, and
wanted a change. At all events, as his
rider headed him toward the receding
train, he onlybrficed back with his fore
legs, lowered his head at a similar angle,
and stood stock-still, with an im
movability that gave little hope of an
start.
Frank., shouted and spurred'('.the mule
only set back the harder. He pricked
him with his hunting-knife, aud he bo
gan to buck.. When Brimstone set out
to buck tinje was,no object (0 him. So
his ridef did not urge the point. 1' The he
situation situation was was interesting interesting and and very very critical, critical.
There There were were the the Indians Indians coming coming on on like like
the the wind wind and and already already beginning beginning to to widen widen
their their line line fan-shaped, fan-shaped, to to cut cut off off tlie the hap- hap
less rider. His His two two companions companions were were a a
third third of of the the wav way to to the the train train and and safety, safety,
and, barring untoward accident, sure to
make it. And he, held to the spot by a
balking mule v?hose inaptitude to change
its mind he knew by hard experience.
He had no time to apply -his usual argu
ments.
The Indians were so near that he could
seethe paint on their faces and hear their
yells. The wind brought down to hini
their characteristic odor. Brimstone
smelled and did not at all like them; lit
even showed a symptom or two of men
ing. Then, as if in scorn of his moment
ary yacijlatjion, he set his feet more firmly
than before and stbod like a rock.
Frank thought that all was up with
him and made a desperate resolve. He
had six shots in his revolver. He would
indulge, before the end, In the brief
intense pleasure of putting a bullet
through four Brimstone's the head. Indians He and would
bestow on then
shoot himself to escape falling alive into
their hands.
Arrows began to fly. One sang past
his h^ad so close that he felt its wind,
Another eyes,’bNit passed directly in front of Brim
stone’s that consistent creature.
only; blinked and held his ground. As
'Frank was abqnt to. slip off and carry his
design into effect a third arrow whistled
and struck something' just, behind his
Evidence of grievous patn and astonish- • ,
ment appeared forthwith in the mule.
His backward laid “ars came suddenly
forward as for a moment his head faced
round with an expression of deep and
reproachful surprise. His body humped
together until it seemed as if the saddle
at the apex must go over the neck oi
crupper. Then he headed toward the
j w;agon-train, straightened out and went.
j And how he went! His first jump was
1 so sudden as nearly to leave hie rider be
j j hind on the prairie. His next was longei
and his pace kept improving all the wav.
A ii ne of dust explosions marked the spot
where his hind feet struck. As his body
lengthened in long bounds the saddle
cineli fairly swept the gra*s. and all
Frank could do was to hold on, save In¬
breath and try to keep his toes from
i striking the prairie-dog mounds.
His two companions when half-wav to
, the. train suddenly became aware that
■ Frank was not with them. Without
, stopping they looked back. They alter
ward told him that they saw something
■ coming, on the dead jump, behind them,
j It went so fast that they couldn't welk
make out whether it was a mule ora
, panther that was making such surprising
speed, but could only see that it was
! gaining headway at every leap, It o rer¬
| hauled them in no time, passed them an a
yellow streak and directly they saw. a
thousand yards ahead, a commotion
among the wagons,
In their narration somethin" is to be
allowed for the exaggerated form of ex
i I pression in vogue on the plains in that
day, and v.liich is even yet not wholly
j extinct. It is certain that the mnlewent
very fast, and in the race to the train
1 badly beat, the two good horses which
i had a long start.
, q no pursuing Indians never got nearer
: the mule than jvhen he started, and were
j quickly left far behind. They the'train, were not
numerous enough to attack and
i stopped well out of rifle range. Those
who watched froin the wagons said that
, the redskins had followed Frank but a
short distance, when they stopped and
sat motionless in amazement, watching
his mule's performance. They gathered
in a circle and remained a long time pow
wowing over the prodigy which had
manifestly impressed them as --big medi
cine.”
Frank tried to ruin in his mule
near the wagons, but could not. Fear
ing, he afterward said, that the mule in¬
tended to keep straight on to Salt Lake
City, and meant to get there that night,
he, as a last resort, pulled him into one
0 f the teams “head on” and Brimstone
came to a full stop in a tangle of
mules.
Frank kept on a dozen or fifteen yards
farther, sailing, like a frog to water, ovet
the wagon mules and describing a para¬
bola which met-the prairie with a thump,
a ricochet and a roll. He got up, shook
himself, reached behind to make sure his
revolver had not been thrown .mf.'and
walked back to his mule as cooITv as if
that were his ordinary way of dismount
j U g,
When Brimstone was finally extricated,
tbe inspiring cause of his zealous run was
fully revealed. Sticking from his hind
quarters was the long shaft and feathers
() f au arrow, the head of which was irn
bedded some three inches in the flesh. I
have to say that the mule got no sym
p a thy; on the contrary, his plight was
looked on by all hands with unconcealed
satisfaction. His past'conduct had not
endeared him to the “outfit.”
The question of getting out the arrow
i } head was not easilv met For in’the while there
were plenty of adviser- matter,
> there was no one so little in love with life
| as’to offer to J operate Hghtsonfc surgically in the vi
j cinitv of tb heels. The
! operation {, was a heroic one, as the blood
h d softe ned and loosened the deer smew
; that fastened the shaft to the barbed arrow
head so that they came apart at the first
)m n. leaving the latter in the wound.
However, as it needed to be done, Pete
Ouray and Frank set to work with ex
treme care, their instruments consisting
„f a sharp knife and a pair of pincers,
To the astonishment of all, Brimstone re- I
' ma ined i as quiet as a lamb. A cut was I
ma w ide and deep enough to allow the
a f.,. ow head to be caught with the pincers
| am | nulled our. The mule winced under
‘
thc stee l but did not kick.
The wound soon healed—there was. in
f a ,. t ,. no loss of Brimstone’s "seny/ve valuable ser
tices.- He was rather to ap
p ro kch for a time, but a rcmaSkable his
of the wound appeared in disposition
Strange to sav. this effect was a favorable
’
one . FrOm-that date on he was a differ
ent au d a better mule. It is not to be
wondered at three inches of arrow in his
haunch should have wrought painfully on
his feelings, and and tor for a a time time reversed reversed his his
usual usual habit habit of of thought: thought; but but the the gratify- gratify
fog i ug toot fact remained remained that that the the change change was was
marked m «rkcd and and permanent.—JY-wM’s permanent.— Youth's Com- Com
pinion. ^mign. i
---- — ■ ----
An Interesting Dog Show.
A most interesting dog show has just
been held in St. Petersburg, Russia,
Many members of the imperial family ex
hibited the choicest specimens of their
kennels. Specially noticed were the wolf
hohndsol'Grand Duke Peter Nicolajeviteli,
the pack of the thrown Prince, and the
magnificent sheep dogs of Prince Lichten
bergski. Prime Dolgorouki, Count
Tolstoi and Prince Wolkonski were also
prize winners. The exhibition, which
numbered 150 varieties, included some
uil rious canine specimens—the blood-shot-eyed ferocious. Persian
bull-doggish, dogsl reputed lineal descendants of
sheep of Babylon; the Fin
the lion-killing dogs Esquimaux sleigh
L m d fishing dogs, the
dogs, the Siberian wolf hounds, and
Tashkent bull-dogs. The exhibition in
eluded all arms and apparatus used in
hunting, and the various rooms were
agreeably hunting’ decorated with pictures oi
scenes, trophies and stuffed
snecimens.— pec men __r_-- Times-Demea-at.
- -
j An English paper presents statistics
showing that there arc in England and
j Wales 250 religious denominations, and
47,000 places of worship. There are
about 3,000,000 communicants, 38,000
► ministers and 170,000 other officers at
j ' cached !:iual expenditure to churches tor and the chapels. support The of the an¬
i 1 ’ ' hwch * s is a bowt ^A 000 ’ 000
•—
t * America is heavier
j Emigration to now
ban for years.
BUDGET OF FIT.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
The Flies' Picnics—A Depressing Out¬
look—Not Quite Saturated
Light Work—Tommy's In¬
terpret at ion, Eu-., Etc.
The festive flies with vigor flap
Their little wings and stare
With winkless eyes to find the chap
Whose head Is minus hair.
And when they find their Suckle** jnx-y
And They skate light upon hw head,
across his crown all day
( T atil he go** to bed.
—.V-'Ui' Toi'' Jwrval.
A DEPRESSING <l( TEOOK.
Mrs. Spriggs—“Isn't the man you are
going to marry fearfully tall;”
Miss Snappier— 'Well, yes; but I'll
take him down a peg ot two .’’—The Ac
gosy.
NOT qCITE SATURATED.
“What a lot of sweetmeats Miss Caustic
consumes 1” remarked Bjones.
“Yes,”’assented Merritt. *-Everything
is sweet with her except her temjier.”—
Judy*.
LIGHT WORK.
V
Small Boy—“Teacher, mother say- T
am too delicate to come to school a “p
more, so she got me a light employment.
Teacher—• ‘ What is it ?”
Cmi.it Small Boy ti„.- iic.it- “Selling matches. . , ..
-
>mf ‘
tommy’s interphetatton.
Sunday School Teacher—--We are told
here that the prophet rent his clothes.
Why did he do that?”
Tommy Squildig—-“P'raps he couldn't
afford to buy ’em .”—Pittsburg Chronicle. •
EMPLOYED.
“Found anything to do?”
“Yep.”
“What?”
“Soliciting.”
“What line?”
“Jobs .”—Toledo Blade.
AN EMBARRASSMENT REMOVED.
Miss Elite (rushing in)—“Oh, ma.
Clara Tiptop has eloped.”
Mrs. Elite (fervently)—-‘Thank good
ness! Now we won't have to send her
ahy wedding present.
IN STRICT CONFIDENCE.
Mr. A.—“May I confide in you; 1
have to tell vou a secret."
Mr. B.—“What is it;”
Mr. A. (looking around to -ee if any
body is listening)—“I need 8500.”
Mr. B.—"Don t fear. I will be as silent
as the grave. — Epoch.
A CLEAR CONSCIENCE. I
•■Ma.” said Bobby, “is it wrong for
little bovs to tie tin kettles to dogs'
tails?”
••Decidedly wrong, Bobby. I hope
you 11 never do such a thing as that.”
“No, indeed, ma. replied Bobby,
emphatically: “all I do is to hold
dog.”— Harper's Weekly.
A SUSPICIOUS CIRC CM STANCE.
“Did vou know that Jenkins’ had left
Bullion's’?”
“No. Is that so?"
‘‘Yes. Bullian fired him. The office
boy saw him go into a railroad office that
is selling excursion tickets to Mexico, and
Bullion thought it a suspicious circum
stance for a trusted emplove .”—Chicago
ITeraM.
EXPECTED TROUBLE.
.. ‘How much do vou gin rallv git tor a
er like this?” asked a bridegroom of the
minister who married him. -
“The law allows me a dollar."
“Well, great Scott, man. here's yer
dollar. I don't wanter to go to law bout
. . Reckon D , 111 have trouble t ,,
enougn
llow # anybo ’"' : ~ Tlme -
TttK " 1;KE * llA0KS ™ AT HK
t'hawles—■"Who is she?”
“My fiancee.”
UKawles—“Pshaw ! I thought you had
more taste. I wouldu’t marry a girl who
won- a red .lre*» xrith a green back to
»t-“
Jawdge— -It - the greenbacks in her
pocketbook 1 am tft- r. dear boy. '-Chi
rogo Journal.
.-
dangers of the gfm iubit.
Aliss De Sweet—“I’ll never touch au
other chew of irtun as long as I live.”
\ | Proud Mother—“I atu g’md to hear vou
say so , my dear ; but what has reformed
j you so suddenly /'
j j “Last evening Mr. RichfeUow proposed jaws
to me just at the-moment when my
; got stuck, so I couldn't rorh'Weeliy. say anything, and
; he went off. "—Aw
•
• sarcastic.
j Husband (after some words with his
! w jf C ) • -Well, let us drop it. I don’t
! j sav ‘ any taik more about. sensible Aud, besides, when I
j po c , t 0 to a person I
am talking.’
tyjf c (witli s sarcastic laugh)—“You
don’t alwavs do it. then.”
jj. _“I don’t.” ’
W.— “No. I sometimes hear you talk
ing " to voureelf. ’ "-rl&aton Courier.
-
__
figures don't lie.
Flan—•-I'm in love and the onlv dis
opt!r =. tllaf thf . ^, r , •
tha nI
Jack _" H ow old are you now?”
“Lm . T . eighteen. .
' n e -'.' s w
; ..wIvT ^
. make your mind easy. By the
time you ate twenty-one she’ll be only
twenty .”—Yankee Blade.
j
NO USE FOR A THERMOMETER.
: Anxious Mother—“I wish, Susan, that
I i iarefui .vhea you Mcertahi give ...............^ baby a bath you ivould be
to whether the water is
the temperature. "
at proper
Susan—“Oh, don't you worry about
StMplioi: $1.15 in Mium.
100 hot; if it turns blue, it’s too cold,and
that's all there is about it!”— Beaton
ComnumtemUk.
RESULT OI HIGHER EDUCATION.
Brown—“Where's that fiver i laid ol
the table a moment ago?"
Mrs. Brown—“You never expected to
see Jliat again, did you?”
Brown—“And why not?”
Airs. Brown—“I supposed you under
ttood enough of parliamentary practice
to know that when a bill was laid ou the
talile it \va- seldom heard of a<*ain.”—
Harper's Weekly.
a chance for his life.
Hrirnby— ; I *av\ Stiggers. how i> our
mutual friend. Lark ton. coming upi I
! !tard ' tbe ° ,iur fb2t hc was very
' ,n '
Stigsrer* (sorrotvfully)—• ‘Yes. poor
p . bad off Tlie doctors
l! ‘ n - e VCI T
have given . him up.”
Grimby—“Heaven tic praised that they
have! Now the poor fellow will have a
chance for hi- lif v."—Epoch.
THE CACTtOL'S SCIENTIST.
Professor—- If I were about to combine
elements which 1 knew by persona! ex
periment. or from well authenticated
data, were not antagonistic. I would not,
of course feel bound to use much pre¬
caution. But if I desired to blend ele
ments which I know to be not in affinity,
or of which I had a doubt, and from the
to ° hasty conjunction of which a most
^ disaster might* ensue, then_"
Studeht—--Y’ou would get your assht
ant to do it. —Broolluu Citizen.
A SIRE SIGN.
•William," -aid Mrs. Trembly, - hear
that horrid dos. Isn't it awful ;'-’ •
“Is that the same dog that kept us
awake last night;"
“I think so. It sound-unlucky.doesn't
it! S*
“Didn't you ever hear that the howling
of a dog was a sure sign of death in the
family.”
i “No. Whose family?”
“The dog's.” said Trembly in a firm
voice as he stepped out of bed and reached
for his revolver.— Men},ant Trnretire.
CPPRECIATED ABII.n r.
“Well, sir.” said an old gentleman in
diirnantlv, again. "what are vou doing; around
here I thought the delicate hint
i gave you just as you left the front door
last night would give vou to understand
that I don't like you very welL " And the
speaker looked at liis boot in a reminis
cent wav. ‘i
“It did.” said the young man.” as n
look of mingled pain and admiration came
over his face. -But I thought I would
come and ask you—"
“Ask me what?”
“If yon would like to jom our football
association ."—Merchant Traveler.
TH£ ONE .THING NEEDED.
A gentleman who was driving up Fourth
avenue the other day came to several
empty barrels in the street, and he halted
and asked of a boy who sat on the curb:
“Bay, boy. who rolled those barrels
out here?"
■Pa did. We are cleaning house,” was
the answer.
“Whose children are those out there in
the street?"
“They are ours. Ma sent 'em out to get
rid of them."
■ Is that your dog making such a fuss
in the back yard?"
-Yes. sir. We are seeing how long he
can keep it up."
• ‘And I suppo-e you lugged that ladder
out litre?"
: 4 ‘Yes, sir—-I'm playing with. it."
j W * 1! ' J ou >*<** w ** ,loia r *bout as
! J’ ou want U P bere ?"
"Yes, sir, except that I can’t pry that
letter box off the lamp post. Haven't
,£ot a crowbar in the buggy, have you? I
.i* 18 * * bfl * to b( ‘ happy. — Detroit J rce
Press.
Fate of an African King's Wife,
A beautiful voun" wife of Vmbaudiue.
an African Ivin" had in some innocent
wav boAk displeased him savs Mathers in his
on South Africa The order was
„; 3 veu to smell her out. -.md the witeli
. lK . tor< llid their horrible work. Exe
cutioners were told off and they were
sent out to the vouno wife to tell her of
. her sente nee. She dressed herself-in her
best ornamen ts. and determined to appear
before the King to sav “Good-live!" >he
had been the ruler’s piavmate ‘ and favorite
sweetheart as a child. and she ventured
to send a message to him asking jiennis
siou to sav "Good-bye" to him. The
King refused the request. Calntlv pre
paring for death the young woman disre
garded the denial, and walked to where
his “Majesty” was sitting, drinking eham
pagne. She said to him: "King. 1 have
come killing’me." to sav ‘Good-bve;’ tell me why you
are The King vouchsafed
no answer, and turned his face away.
The poor woman proceeded to bid adieu
to the other wives and girls of the mon
arch. They stood in a row. and as she
walked down in front of them she said:
“I am the first, but there will be more of
you to come after me.” Without another
word she quietly followed her execution
ers. They led her about three miles from
the kraal,’ across the Tillan River, and
j | there hanged her on a low thorn tree,
i T8e reim by which she was suspended
( being too long, her feet nearly touched
, the ground, and strangulation was com
pleted by beating the reiru with sticks,
the person of royalty being sacred to the
! common touch,
Car Axles of Vegetable Fai'cMlnent.
Prussian railways are experimenting
with axle boxes fitted with bearings of
. vegetable parchment in place compressed of brass,
; The parchment being used, is and strongly it is • thoroughly
j before
dried to prevent subsequent shrinkage.
An emulsion of water and oil, any of the
mineral oils, is used as a lubricant. Th*
i parchment soon becomes impregnated time
: with oil, and is able to go a tong
; without a renewal of lu’oricjitipp. Pieayunt. ,Supen
j , ority 0 to metal is claimed for it.—
------- — - ---——S
WARIN’ THE YOUNG UNfe.
{The old man from the foot of the stairs--a
five a. *.]
Bee-oil! Bee-ull! O, Bee-till: my graeifi*^
Air you stall sleepin’t
TV hour hand’s ereepiii*
Nearder five.
(Wal’, blamed ef this ’ere ain’t vexatious)
Don't ye hyar them cattle callin'?
An* th' red steer a-bawlin’?’ *
Come, look alive 1
Git op! Git up!
Mar aim Mar'ann! fjist hvar her snorin'
Marann! it’s behoovin'
Thet you be a-movin!
Brisk, I say! -
Hyar the kitchen stove a-rcoriir’?
The kittle’s a spillin
Ter get hisse’f billin’
It's cornin’ day.
Git opt Gitnp!
Jtde! O, Jule! Now whut is ailin' 1
You want ter rektl
Wal’I’ll be blest I
Spose them cows
LI give down milk ’ithout you pai!in'»
You mus' be goin’ crazy;
fir more like, gittin’ lazy.
Come, now, rouse,
Gitnp! Git up!
Jake : you lazy varmint: Jake! Hey, Jaka
Whut you lavin’ Tbeer fur?
You know the stock's ter keer fC-:
So. hop out!
(Thet boy iswusser’n a rock ter wake)
Don’t stop to shiver,
But jist unkiver.
An’ pop out!
Git up! Git up!
Young uns! Bee-ull! Jake! Mar'ann Jule!
tWal’ blamed my oni'ry skin!
They’ve gone ter sleep agin 1
Fur all my teUin' !i
See hyar. I kaint no time ter fool!
It's the las' warnin'.....
I'll give this- morain'. . .
I'm done yellin'!
Gitnp! Git up!
SOLUS. .
WaT whutfs th' odds—an Hour, more nrlesf
B'iieve it makes 'em stronger - '
Ter sleep a leetle longer
Thar in bed.
The time s comin’ fas’ enough. I guess.
When I’ll wish, an’ wish with waepm 1
They was back up yonder sleepin’.
Overhead,
Ter git up.
—John Boss, in the Boston Globe.
PITH AND POINT.
I .
! big He—-Miss wave—give Genevieve, there. comes a
me your hand. She—■
' "Oh. Mr. .Tones, please speak to asm
013 San J ran cisco i! arjK
She—-“How- do you suppose the apes
crack the hard, shells of the nuts they
pick?" He—"With a monkey wrench,
of course .”—Burfipytm Free Press.
Some hold it true what'er befall.
And deem it good wiiate'er beciib—
Tis better to have fished and lied
Than never to have tidied at all
: —OU City Blizzard
What a pity it is that’the old farm it
going to wreck and ruin for lack of culti
i ration, when there are so many peopls
digging tmeeler. lor fishing worms .—Merchant
Waiter—“Ahem, sir,” you have for¬
gotten to—ah! Broker—“Oh. y*s.
your tip. I had forgotten. Buy A. H.
and Q. preferred at 2b and sel’^ at 10."—
Uar>>er's Bazar.
tv hen sailing never quarrel.' for
You'll find, beyond a doubt.
A boat is not a pleasant place
To hare a falling out.
—J udge.
Mr. Brief—“Y'our uncle has directed
in his will that you shall have one cent.”
Mr. Spendthrift—“Good; kind uncle!
(In sudden alarm.) Are you sure, Mr.
Brief, it isn't a counterfeit!"— Il/ie.,er'i
Bazar.
Y'oung Mrs. Oldboy—"Dear me,
you can't think how attached 1 am to
this farm!” Miss Minnie'-Bail (thought¬
fully)—-“Y’es. you must have been at¬
tached to it, or you wouldn't hav»
married it."
Now. with lin«.-and jug, and hook,
fee the By fisher the river by the lying. brook.
Now. again, at eve behold him
Showing, By fish the a dealer sold . him —
hour lying!
— Ybuitgstoifp Telegram.
Doorplates Out of fashion.
■ -The doorplate is a thing of the past,*
said a young man whose firm carried a
full line of these out-of-date signs in
stock, to a San Francisco Chronicle young
man: “It is seldom now that we have a
call for a doorplate for a private house,
unless it is for a doctor or a dentist. I
speak of this city, of course, as the door
plate still goes in the country towns.
There the large? the doorplate the bigget
the possessors income. But here in town
the doorplate has passed into a state of
innocuous desuetude. We'still have calls
tor the plated numbers for doors, though
the numbered transom is crowding these
out. for the reason that transom numbers
arc visible at night as well as during the
day to the passers-by'. I don’t know
what we will do'with our doorplate stock.
People don't like them because they give
too good a cue to peddler, and beggars,
who can ask for the lady of house by
name and secure an audience with her.”
How Sitka Dick Was Mollified.
A big potlatch and dance was given at
Auk Village this -week for the purpose of
smoothing over the cutting affair between
Sitka Dick and a number of Auks, which
happened iu a drunken row. Sitka Dick
Came out of the affair with his nose and
face,carved into the semblance of a quar¬
tered cranberry pie, and as he considered
himself formerly quite handsome, and was
quite a dude.ke'made a demand of eighty
blankets as a remuneration for his disfig¬
urement. This, number of bankets tyas
paid over to, him, and the impressive cere
money ended with a dance 1 .— Alaska: Prte
Press.
Americans A great in falling Pans bias off been ip the noted. number There of
are now only about 3000, whilst in the
days of the third Napoleon the American
visitors numbered 16.000,