Newspaper Page Text
ap
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 47.
r The collapse of Boulangerism seems to
be complete.
Mining interest* are taking-front rank
Unong the-industries of Cuba. i
! There are 1,000,000 Canadians in the
United States, who have emigrated here
to remain.
They have politics ip Japan now, un¬
der the constitution, and one of the par¬
ties is called the Jijito.
: Of the 300,000 qualified voters in the
rtty of New York 14,000 pay taxes on
property and 260,000 pay rents to those
who own the property.
- A Washington correspondent of the
Utica Observer says that “there probably
never were so many women seeking office
as there are this year.”
■
! All the States and Territories of the
Union have an organized militia. Of
these, 5750 are cavalry, 5054 artillery,
and 90,133 are infantry;
,
I Suicide among German officers in
creases shockingly. During Alay twenty
three shot themselves, and the number
for June was larger still.
! The New York Sun suggests that the
true cure for the fishei'ies and seal hunt¬
ing troubles is for Canada to settle the
whole business once for all by joining the
great American Union.
finance Alinister Dublan says the frnan
ciffi outlook in Alexico was never better
,
than now. Business is' inci'easing, and
the customs receipts on imports from the
United States are greater than ever.
The Baltimore Sun states that Georgia
is fast becoming a great fruit growing
State. It is already ’recognized the
banner melon State, and the enormous
crops of peaches and pears now being
shipped will place the State in the front
ranks with these fruits. Diversified
crops are making the land more pro¬
ductive, and lauds are now becoming
profitable that formerly did not pay the
taxes.
Captain AVissmann, the German ex¬
plorer, ha’s employed norees.m AVest
Africa with the utmost success, and
claims to be the first explorer who has
tried the experiment. He thinks that a
force of mounted infantry -would be in
valuable for expeditions against the na¬
tives, as the soldiers could thus see over
the high African grass, which often con¬
ceals an enemy, and would also reach
their destination with much less fatigue
than those on foot.
Says Popular Science News: “An
absurd paragraph has been going the
rounds of the papers, stating that a
mild winter always indicates an unusual
number of thunder storms in the suc¬
ceeding summer. Thunder-storms, more
than any other meteorological phenomena,
are dependent upon local and temporary
conditions, and the unusually warm
weather of last winter will have no more
effect upon the .summer's electrical dis¬
turbances than it will upon the next
Presidential election.”
There is a strong movement for co¬
operative purchasing among the farmers
of southwestern Indiana. Everything
needed by a farmer is now purchased by
them under a contract made by their
oiganization, “The Alliance,” at a
stipulated profit for storekeepers of about
ten per cent. One of the consequences
of the new system has been, announces
the New York Tribune, that many of
tho storekeepers of Indiana have been
compelled to abandon their business or
remove to places where competition is
still free.
Lewis Alillcr, President of the Lake
Chautauqua (N. Y.) Society, s«ays that
when the society was first formed its
ground was worth about $300 an acre,
and the cottages, together with the build
ings belonging to the association, did
not amount to more than £4000 or $5000.
The value of tho Chautauqua grounds at
present is about $500,000, and there are
*• 01
valued at from $250 to $o00 each. Tho
management intends to erect permanent
buildings In the future. The first gradu¬
ating class numbered but 700, tho next
year 1500, and this year it is 3000..
The State Department at AYashington
is in receipt of a report from United
States Consul Hollis at Capo Town,
Africa, suggesting that citizens of the
United States contemplating a visit to
tho diamond diggings in that vicinity be
warned of the danger of buying diamonds
from others than licensed dealers. Tho
illicit traffic in diamonds (tho stealers
being diggers and others who liavo suc¬
ceeded in smuggling stones in the rough
from the mines) grew to such dimensions
that, in order to break it up, a law was
passed punishing the buyer of a stolen
stone with seven years’ imprisonment in
“Breakwater convict station” in company
with the vilest and lowest of criminals ql
alj races, - ■ ■■; -...... -
m
DEVOTED to THE INTEREST op LINCOLN COUNTY.
THE VOYAGE TO SLUMBERLAND.
She sails away on the sea of dreams,
This little skipper with eyes of brown.
As the firefly’s torch in the twilight gleams,
And the garnish sun goes down;
Her bark floats over the grimy town
To Slumberland and its silver sea;
The spotless folds of her slumber gown
Are no whit fairer than she.
There are angel birds in the warm, still air,
And the skipper laughs with her eyes of
brown,
As they sing to her old songs, sweet and rare,
While her bark billows np and down.
They sing of a prince of high renown,
And a princess ever so young and fair;
But where is the princess had ever a crown
Like the crown of her soft brown hair?
Cometh a storm over the silvery sea,
That ebbs on the dreamer’s land,
And the angel birds fade out to the lee
Of this singular slumber strand;
Is there a harbor by angels planned,
From all storms, whatever they be,
From the wicked faries of Slumberland
And the waves in its silvery sea?
Up, like a flash, comes the little brown bead,
And the brown eyes only see
A billowy blanket of silk outspread
On an ocean of dimity;
But it’s fearlessly the skipper will flee,
With a soft little barefoot tread,
By the chart she learned on her bended knee,
To the haven of mother’s bed.
—J. P. Bocock, in Boston Globe.
MBS. GREY’S METHODS.
BY MBS. M. A. DENNISON.
‘ You don’t believe Mrs Grey is a Chris¬
tian. I am sorry to hear you speak in
that manner of so estimable a woman.”
decidedly, ■ ‘"'Perhaps I should not have spoken so
but I think I have good
reasons for what I said.”
“But you certainly overlook the fact
of her usefulness in the church. Nobody
gives more liberally than she does. Only
last Sabbath, remember, she subscribed
fifty dollars toward our minister’s salary
and in times of conference nobody en¬
tertains more liberally than she. I think
she’s a perfect prodigy of benevolence.”
“I dare say in such matters her lib¬
erality is unstinted; but I was not think
ing of that. She is rich, I suppose—I
know she has kept that Targe store on
Alarshall street for a great many years.
Suppose we call there—it is on our way.”
The two friends, a Airs. Abdy and Mrs.
Brown, walked on together until they
came to an imposing store, where on one
side every conceivable kind of fancy
work was for sale, and on the other chil¬
dren’s garments, chiefly for boys—coats,
pants and caps—a large and costly va¬
riety. Mrs. Amy ana sirs. Brown qui¬
etly several stood .on one side, for there were
women at the latter counter—not
customers, it was evident, for they were
pale faced and shabbily dressed, A
showy looking girl with red ribbons in
her hair stood behind the counter, pick¬
ing out sorted bundles and passiug them
over to these women.
“Airs. Grey says you must take the
last batch home and make the button¬
holes over—she won’t have such work,”
said the girl approaching a tidy-looking
woman who turned a shade pale at the
asperity and supercilious manner of the
girl.
“I thought ’ they were done as good as
usual, said the woman with a tremulous
lip, “but perhaps not. Alary was very
sick, you see, and she always makes the
button-holes—she’s sick now. AVouldn’t
they possibly do?”
Airs. Brown stepped forward and
caught a sight of the button-holes. They
were good, as neatly made as she would
have wished, were the suit made for her
boy.
“No, they won’t do,” said the girl
Bharply, pushing the articles toward her.
“You can leave them—but you know
Airs. Grey’s rule—not one cent unless the
whole is done to suit her.”
“And I only get fifteen cents for the
whole,” murmured the woman with a
despairing look.”
‘ *1 m sure the button-holes are very
neatly done,” said Airs. Brown, hoping
that a word from her would have the
desired effect, “they would suit me, and
I am quite particular.”
“They wouldn’t suit a majority of Airs.
Grey’s customers,” said the girl with an
insolent side look at the impertinent
stranger as she considered her, “and this
woman is none too particular at any time.
She often has to carry her work back,
and I’d advise her to get a new pair of
spectacles if she can’t see better.
“Dear Lord!” groaned the woman
turning darkening away, a heart-broken expression
her pale, pinched features—
shrinking fication almost from sight in her morti¬
threads shining and despair; she who' had silver
amidst the daik gleam of
] cwroflhe^Sdtje^and^verty- le1 ’ ' 0Rks s *’ e yith all the rich exper;
with all the scars of a hard, long fight
Tiith temptation, privation, disease and
,01 ' row u P on ^ er > flippantly shamed by a
^*SlZf££SSSl
poor woman bad crowded out and others
had crowded in.
A good-looking, coarse woman threw
down a bundle; it was examined and
passed. The girl took from a small box
Tho one piece of money and handed it to her.
woman stared at it, nibbed her eyes
—looked with a puzzled face at the girl,
and then exclaimed:
“AYhy don’t you give me the rest of
the money?”
“That's all that’s due,” said the girl,
“make room.”
“But I tell you there were five Shirts
at twenty-five cents apiece.”
“And I tell you they were only five
cents apiece,” was the frowning reply,
twenty-five “pretty profit wo should make to give
cents for those little things."
“You deceived me, then,” cried the
woman, her anger rising, “for I distinctly
asked you if they were twenty-five cents
apiece, and you said yes. AVhy there are
four rows of stitching in tho bosom.”
“AVon’t you please to make room?”
asked the girl, impatiently.
“Not till I tell you what I think of
y o U,” c ried the W pmaD,'“for you area liar
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 27, 1839.
*nd a cheat. Thank God, I’m not de¬
pendent upon your work for my living,
and I pity them that are, that’s all. You
may cheat the poor widow and the
orphan, but you won’t cheat me again.
The girl only curled her lips, for
pale, pinched woman who had been
waiting some time now eagerly crowded
up to the counter.
“Oh, please put me In her place, I’ll
be'glad to work for anything if only I
can get it to do.” She choked down the
tears and absolutely trembled in her
eagerness (and her hunger I have no
doubt) from head to foot.
“Oh yes, you can have it—we can get
plenty to take them at that price and
thank us in the bargain,” said the girl,
heartlessly,, pulling down another bundle.
Mrs. Abdy now inquired for Mrs. Grey,
and was ushered into the show-room,
where a partly woman stepped forward
much surprised and pleased—and learn¬
ing that they had come for a call she im¬
mediately ushered them by means of a
stairway into her private parlor, a splendid
room furnished with every luxury the
heart coulil desire.
“And how are you, Mrs. Abdy—and
you Mrs. Brown? It’s a great while since
I have seen you in a church, isn’t it?”
“My children have all been ill,” re¬
plied Mrs. Brown, quietly.
“Oh! I thought something must be the
matter. If you are anything like me—I
never let trifles interfere with my church
duties. I believe I have been when oth
ers would have wrapped themselves in
flannels and gone to bed—I have that
much affection for the courts of the
Lord’s houge. And what a heavenly ser¬
mon we had last Sabbath, Mrs. Abdy.
I have thought of it all the week. I do
think we ought to be thankful to the
Lord for sending us Brother Drewson.
His words are indeed sharp as a two
edged sword.”
During a confidential tete-a-tete, Airs.
Brown managed to give a hint at what
she thought the wholesale impertinence
of the girl in the shop toward the work
people.
“Oh, Delia’s sharp,” said Mrs. Grey,
with a gratified little laugh, “that’s why
I keep her. Do you know 1 pay he r ex
tra for that very quality? . I assure you
it’s the most terrible thing to deal with
these shop women. They shirk and sham,
and tell all manner of lies to get excused,
and do their work abominably at the best.
You’ve no idea what a trying business it
is on that account. If it didn’t pay me
pretty well,” she added, complacently,
“I’d give it up to-morrow. But Delia,
dear me, she’s a perfect treasure—knows
just how to deal with that sort of people.
You sec there’s no getting along with
them I assure’you, unless you’re right up
and down with them.”
Mrs. Brown’s heart ached as she
thought of the neat,grave-lookiugwoman
with her quivering lip and silvery hair,
stabbed to the very quick by that coarse,
unfeeling creature behind thff counter.
“Is this girl—a—professor of religion ?”
asked 31ns. Brown, with some hesitation.
•‘Why, no,” replied Airs. Grey, turn¬
ing red; that’s all I have to try me. Delia
is honest and all that, but I don’t think
she has found a hope, She is with me
now, however, altogether, and I trust
that I may be the means of her salvation.
Do you believe Brother Drew will get
well?” she queried, shrewdly changing
the subject.
“Now what do you think of Airs.
Grey?” asked Airs. Brown, as the two
friends gained the street.
“I’m afraid she is sacrificing he iTeligion
on the shrine of Alazhmon,” was the re¬
ply. “I have always thought so very
highly of her, I can’t behr to change my
opinion. Still I have seen with my own
eyes and heajd with my ears what I would
not have believed as hearsay.”
“One of our church poor lives here,”
said Airs. Brown, as they turned into a
lonesome street lined with poor houses
that were, filled with poor tenants—“shall
we call upon her?” Airs. Abdy signified
that it would be pleasing to her, and they
entered the creaking door of one of the
tallest houses, where, after toiling up
three pair of wretched stairs they came
to a room in which a thin, pallid woman
sat, She making caps at the rate of sixpence.
arose with a smile, extended her
thin hand, chocked down a bard, dry
cough and as she her asked them to be seated’,
to excuse as she must go on with
her work, “for you see, I promised them
at five this afternoon, and I work for
Airs. Grey, of otir church. She’s a good
woman, I’ve no doubt—only she don’t
know by experience what the poor have
to sutler, aud that, perhaps, makes her
hard on us. But she pays mo a little
.more than she does the others."
“That’s a sad case in the other room,”
she went on, “a dreadful sad case. It’s a
Airs. Acton, a widow woman, as good a
soul as ever- I know, and she’s a poor
consumptive girl to support, Alaria
wofks in spite of her weakness all she
can; but this week she couldn’t seem to
get up strength. So Airs. Acton she had
some nice work and had to make the
button-holes herself. She’s been longer
than usual about it too, and 1 daresay ac¬
tually -wants the money to buy bread. I
went in to stay with Maria while she was
gone and the poor soul came' back com¬
pletely crushed. She threw the work
down and buret into tears. Maria was
frightened, and when hsr mother told
her that the button-holes would all have
to be picked out, it threw her into such
«,«i, w, ‘ft.
fssKwiS’zarfssr
It. cl'OomtancM-n.op.'.ot.”
y n CXchan * ed
® •
‘ ‘If I was only able to do them button
holes,” said the poor spinster, hurling
her own work,, “but by the time I’ve
done with these, my eyes’ll just be good
for nothing."
“Suppose we call upon this . poor wid
ow, ’ said Mrs. Brown, wiping the tears
from her eyes.
“Shed take it . kindly, . I’m suae,” re
plieu the poor sister, into whose hand
Mrs. Abdy slipped something as they
parted, gratit well ude rewarded that by the quick look j (
of flusluxl tljg^woinaq’s
attenuated features. *>
Knocking admitted at into a crazy door, the two
were a darkened room,
destitute of carpet, almost of any kind of
furniture save a large bedstead, on whbse
thin mattress laid a form that seemed al¬
ready prepared for the grave.
“My poor child,” whisperdft the
grieved mother, as they went forward to
look at the sleeping girl, “the doctor
says she can’t last long.”
“I saw you in Mrs. Grey’s shop,” whis¬
pered Mrs. Brown. The woman started
—a red shame painted her checks for a
moment.
“O! did you, ma’am?” she cried, bit¬
ing her lips; “did you hear how that
girl spoke to me? and I have been in bet¬
ter circumstances. While my husband
lived I had plenty—while my parents
lived I had everything O! it is bitter!”
she struggled against the tears, but they
would come; she bid her face in her
hands. .
“Give me your work,” said Mrs.
Brown gently, as soon as she could speak.
“I will pay you now—take it home and
make the button-holes myself, and then
see Airs. Grey about it. 1 am well
acquainted with her,and when she under¬
stands the ease I think it will be less
hard for you. Here is my card—send
somebody to my house to-night—I have
some little delicacies which I keep for the
sick.”
“God bless you, madam—God bless—
you—and I know He will,” cried the
grateful woman. “I said a dreadful
thing in my heart when I left Airs.
Gi'ey’s, but indeed I don't want to .feel so
even toward my oppressors. I trust He
will forgive me and open her eyes and
touch her worldly heart.”
Mrs. Brown called upon Airs. Grey
according to promise, She listened
coldly, and promised coldly to do what
she could—but oh! as ihe poor widow
had said—in spite of her profession—-her
charities—her gifts to those who needed
not—oh! that worldly heart! howit stood
in the way of many a poor soul’s wel¬
fare!
Strangely indeed upon the ears of such
must fall the words of our Lord: “Pure
religion and undefiled before God and
the Father, is to visit the orphan and the
widow in their affliction and to keep him¬
self unspotted from the world.”— Yankee
Blade.
Stories of the Shah.
Tlie Shah Of Persia, when he visited
Europe in 1873, was said to be forty-five
years of age, whence the humblest stu¬
dent of Cocker will conclude that he is
now sixty-one. AYhen he was only forty
five he wiis slim, had bright eyes,and was
a good rider. He has now taken to spec¬
tacles, and is said to be comparatively
obese, though, according to the latest re¬
ports from Berlin, he preserves “most of
the characteristics ot youth." A roman¬
tic story used to be told in reference to
his first marriage, which recalled the in¬
cidents of King Cophetua and the beggar
girl. He was riding in the country when
his bright eyes were attracted by the
beauty of a peasant girl, laboring, and
smiling as she labored in the corn field.
Her he made his wife, or, at least, one of
them; and he regarded her until her pre¬
mature death with exceptional affection:
A grandfather of Nasr-Ed-Din,when heir
apparent to a throne he never lived to as¬
cend,had British officers of rank attached
to his army in war time, and his father
was placed on the throne by similar
agency. His great grandfather Fath Ali
Shah was, during a reign of thirty-nine
years, constantly in personal communica¬
tion with Europeans, and especially with
Englishmen. Nasr-Ed-Din may be sup¬
posed, therefore, to have inherited to¬
ward us a friendly disposition; and when
once it is understood that he is to keep
clear of Herat and not in any other direc¬
tion to yield too much to Russia, there is
no reason why the best understanding
should not exist between this country and
Persia .—London Life.
. Trains Engineers Dislike to Run.
Said an old railway engineer the other
day:
“There are three kinds of trains that
I do not want to have anything to do
with. One is the pay train. You never
kuow when you will overtake the section
hands. You will be going at the rate of
forty miles an hour, away you go around
a curve, and you will dash by the boss
and hands and have to back back to
them. There is always a good deal of
talk over the wages, and much time is
taken up. The next unpleasant train to
handle is an excursion train. Every one
living along the line of road knows you
from seeing you come by every day v and
they think you know them as well. When
on a excursion they presume upon their
friendship to endeavor to ride on the
engine. No other place wijl do them.
The engineer has to refuse them, as it
would amount to docking his wages from
thirty to sixty days if they complied, as
it is positively against the rules of the
road. The persons denied the privilege
always feel hard about it, and look upon
the engineer as unaccommodating. The
last and worst of all, however, is the
officers’ train. If you run slow they Say
you are scared aud fear to ruu fast. If
you make good time they say you are
careless and reckless, and want to kill
somebody. You can’t suit them.”—
Atlanta Constitution.
The Fecundity of the Sparrow.
’»>.*>» spwrow TS&2 „
- ““ ■»«- «-*«
the S “pod,*! ol » tttTtoSS
ty-four young, twelve males and twelve
females, and that, all live, the progeny of
a single pair, would reach in ten vears
amazing total of 275,716,983,698.
the annual number of youn<*
pair to twelve, and assuming that all
five years, the total increase of a
pair in that time would be 33,614
Of course-, the actual increase of
sparrow is only a fraction of these
but it rears from four to six
a year, with four to eight birds to
brood.— New York Times.
—
The regulp army of Great Britai; n now
about 310,0 § .
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS sketches from
VARIOUS SOURCES.
The Dapper Scalper Crushed—No
Counterfeit—The Small Boy's Rot
■—One on the Doctor—Bid*
dy’s Excuse, Etc., Etc.
It was a dapper scalper,
And he stoppetb one of three:
A ticket through to Mexico,
Kalamazoo or Kokomo,
Kansas City or fit. Joe, -
Or anywhere you wish to go.
Council Bluffs or Cherokee,
Albukirk or Sauty Fee;
Give you a written guarantee
That anything you buy of me
Will carry you O. K.”
Tbe^rtrai^er mutely lingered.
Gazed mildly on that scalper
Who held him tightly there.
And when the feUow quit
To catch his breath a bit
The stranger drew a pad
In the quiet way he had,
And wrote across one end,
“rtn deaf and dumb, _ .
You would better my friend.
Or you’ll save your breath
talk yourself to death.”
Then he threw away the slip,
And he lifted up his grip
And quietly walked away.
—Chicago Herald.
NO COUNTERFEIT.
Blind Beggar (displaying half a dollar)
—“Ain’t that a sight for sore eyes?”
Deaf and Dumb Partner—“Well it is
—got the true ring, ain’t it?”— Epoch.
THE SMALL boy’s LOT.
Bobby —“Did your mother lick you
for drinking the milk?”
Little Johnnie—“Naw. I wouldn't
cry if I’d had the milk. She licked me
for spilling it .”—Hew York Sun.
ONE OX THE DOCTOR.
Doctor—“I see you turn in .your toes.
It’s a very injurious practice. Y"’ou should
place yourself under my treatment."
Merritt—“If J did, I’m afraid I d soon
turn them up.”— Ejocb.
biddy’s excuse.
Mrs. Badger—“How did you come to
break Bridget—“Shure, the saucer, Bridget?”*
mum, w'hin you cracked
it yogrsilf a wake ago, an’ Oi lit it
fall downstairs, o’ curse it bruke.”_
A T ezo York Sun.
BETTER BE A BOY.
‘•Doctor, why is it that people are
generally so much more pleased with boy
babies than with girls.”
“Nothing simpler, madam. A boy
baby never comes a miss.”
AS NEAR AS THEY CAME.
Bessie—“I think the Jahimars
dreadfully shoddy. They’re rich, but
I’m sure the family has no pedigree.”
Jennie—“No; but the old man's fast
horses have .”—New York Sun.
HARD TO TLEASE.
“AUon’t you let me have a few cents
till to-morrow, Charley?”
“Yes; here is a dime.”
“Something larger, please.”
“Certainly; hand back the dime and
take this two-cent piece.”
NEXT MORNING.
Airs. Guzzleton—“You're not a bit
superstitious, are you, John?”
Air. Guzzleton—“Why, no, my dear.
Why do Guzzleton—“You you ask?”
Airs. came home last
night if when the clock would have struck
13, it could !”—Hew York News.
PORTER AND PROPRIETOR.
Aliss Inquizio (in a ALiiden Lane store)
—“AA r ho is that handsome gentleman
with the large diamond on his scarf, who
\s lifting the box?”
Clerk—“That is our porter.”
“And who is the plain old fellow help¬
ing him?”
“Oh, he's the proprietor .”—The Jetcel
er’s Weekly.
TIIE PRESENT STYLE.
Petted Daughter—“Papa, I would like
a little money. I want to buy a box of
fancy candies.”
Indulgent Father—“All right, my
child. Here's a quarter. AYhat are you
waiting for?”
Petted Daughter—“For a little more
money, papa. The twenty-five cents
will just buy the candy. I want $1 now
to buy the box .”—Chicago Tribune.
A VERY PROPER PRESUMPTION.
Singly (visiting at the Hub)—“I sup
pose, Gerald, you will be glad when you
are old enough to wear spspenders?”
Gerald (four years Old)—“Although
outwardly I have never displayed any
aversion to appearing in the role of en
fant terrible, yet I presume that eventually
tho article of wearing apparel you refer
to will be welcomed by me in much the
same manner in whicli it is received by
west youthful miuds .”—Clothier and
Furnisher.
THE TYPO’s REVENGE.
Jack Roberts tells a funny yarn about
the rules of printing offices. It had been
posted on the bulletin board of a New
York morning paper to invariably put
the time of day in figures. This was
done to secure uniformity. Jack had de¬
parted from the rule once and been ad¬
monished by tho foreman, He said it
would never happen again. The next
night an editor, in reading over the proof
of an article, thought to improve it bv
inserting the well known line of
poetry—
“Meet me in the lane, love, at half-past
nine.”
AVell, the proof was passed over to
Jack for him to correct and this is how
it appeared the next morning:
Meet me in the lane, love, at 9:30 p. M.
There was a vacancy in the office next
day.— New York Mercury. *
A NICE SENSE OF. HONOR.
It is extremely refreshing to notice the
fine sense of honor possessed by some of
the rising generation in Virginia City;
says the Virginia City Chronicle. Last
evening fourteen, two youths, each aged about
met in the street when the fol¬
lowing dialogue took place:
“Isay, Bill, you got my knife?’*
--“No, I ain’t.” - .
“’Pon your word?”;
“’Pon me word.”
“’Pon your soul?”'
“Ton me soul.”
“Hope you may die if you have?”
“Hope I may die if I have.”
‘•You ain’t got my knife?”
“I ain’t got your knife.”
The queerist seemed to be incredulous,
but was on the point of giving it up in
despair when a bright idea occurred to
him, and he returned to the attack with:
“’Pon your honor?”
“Oh,” said the other, “now you touch
me honor; take your old knife,” and he
handed the article over.
“AVell done,” said his chum; “I alius
knowed you was a honorable chap.”—
Wasp.
A HANDKERCHIEF SPECIALIST.
The other morning, as the departing
C'unard steamship was casting off its lines
and swinging out .into the stream, an el¬
derly-looking braced business man hastily em¬
a lady who was one of the passen¬
gers, and rushed down the gang plank to
the wharf. .
loafer Going hurriedly up to a melancholy
who was watching the busy crowd,'
the gentleman drew him behind a pile of
freight, and said:
“AVant to earn a dollar?”
“You bet.”
“You see that lady In black on the
bridge therei” said the citizen. :
“Cert." ■
“Well, that’s my wife, going to Eu
rope. Now, of course, she’ll expect me
to stand here for the next twenty min¬
utes, while the steamship is backing and
filling around, so as to wave my hand¬
kerchief and watch her out of sight.
See?”
“I ketch on, boss.”
“AVell, I'm too busy to fool around
here; stock to buy, biz to attend to.
She’s a little near-sighted; - so I’ll just
hire you to wave this handkerchief, in¬
stead. It's a big one, with a red border,
and as long as she sees it she’ll think it’s
me. Come up to 202 Wall street when
they are weU off and Ill pay you.”
“S> posin she looks through a teles
scope, orsuthm ? ’
“In that case you 11 have to bury your
face in the handkerchief,and do the great
weep act.”
“That’ll be fiftv cents extra.” 1
“All right. Time is money. Look
sharp now! You can kiss p^r vour hand a
few times at. sav, one dime kiss;” and
snapping his watch the overdriven busi
ness man rushed off.
IVe print this affecting little incident
to call attention to the fact that the man
thus employed has gone into the business
i egnlarly. He is now a professional fare
weller, and business men agd others can
save valuable time, and yet give their de
parting relatives an enthusiastic send-off
by applying to the above specialist any
steamship day. Go early to avoid the
rush.
they weighed mr. fresh.
A very fresh young man has been hang
ing around Fulton Alarket of late. He
has made the boys very tired these
frigntfully ^ hot days. He is quite a joker
in his way. He likes to stop a market,
man who has a quarter section of a Texas
steer on his hack and say:
“That's a great trick, isn’t it?”
“AVIkh trick?” asks the marketman.
Then the fresh young man, with a
tantalizing smirk on his face, answers;
“Patrick.”
Yesterday afternoon Air. Fresh amused
lnmself by going around boasting . about
his weight.
* I d bet you don t weigh _ more than
lo0 o pounds, remarked of the boys,
one
“11 hat 11 you bet I don’t?” inquired
Air. Fresh, who really tipped the scales
at-twenty pounds more than that, and
who was tickled to death to have a
chance to make a little sure money.
“I'll bet you $1.” said the market
“1 hear you talk, 1 replied Air. Fresh,
putting the bone in a bystander's hand,
“Let s go over to the ferry house.”
“Pshaw!” exclaimed the market boy.
“1 wouldn’t bet a cent on those nickel
machines. If you win my money you’ll
have to get it on the square."
“But there are no scales aroundhere,”
argued Air. Fresh.
“That’s all right, young fellow,”
spoke up a strapping big marketman,
who thought nothing of putting a whole
carcass on his back. “Just leave it to
me and I’ll weigh you. I lift so many
quarters every day I can toll your weight
to a pound. Let me catch hold of youi
hands and raise you off the floor.”
As the market;boy was perfectly will
ing to settle the bet in this way, Mr.
Fresh consented. The human scales
turned his back toward Air. Fresh and
reached out his hands behind him. He
steadied himself a moment; and, secur
ing a firm hold, on Air. Fresh’s wrists,
had him spread out on his back in a mo
ment.
Just when Air. Fresh felt that he had
been held there long enough to ascertain
liis weight a whistle was heard, and a
score of market boys, all armed with bar
rel staves, swanned around the scene,
Each raised his stave in the air, and as
the humnu scales bent his back and gave
his live burden the proper tension, there
was a sound of dull, sickening thuds,
mingled with a series of shrieks, the like
of which had never been heard in the
market since the day of its construction,
AYhen Air. Fresh once moie touched
terra firms the staves and’ their wielders
hsd disappeared as mysteriously as they
came, and nothing but suppressed roars
of laughter gave evidence that the nooks
and crannies served as hiding places for
a lot of frolickers.
AVith tears in his eyes and his clothes
well dusted, Mr. Fresh sneaked away,
without as much as asking for his share
the stakes.— New York Sun.
The platform of the Indiana Prohibi¬
tionists contains ag anti-Trust plank,
Subscription: $1.25 to Advance.
- 1 ONLY ONE MOTHER.
: You have only one mother, my boy,
Whose Or heart you can gladden with joy,
cause it to ache
Till ready to break—
Bo cherish that mother, my boy.
You have pnly one mother who will
Stick to you through good and through HI
And love yog although
The world is your toe—
So care for that love never still. -
You have only one mother to pray
That in the good path you may stay;
Who for you won’t spare
* Self sacrifice
rare—
So worship that mother alway.
You have only one mother to mako
A home ever sweet for your sake;
Who toils day and night,
For you with delight—
To help her all pains ever tafev~
You have only one mother to miss
When she has departed from this.
So love and rev^ye
That mother while here,
Sometime you won’t know her dear kiss.
You have only one mother—just one.
Remember that always, my son;
None can or will do
What she has for you.
What have you for her ever done?
— II. C. Dodge, in Detroit Free Press.
PITH AND POINT.
!
Two of a kind—A yoke of oxen.
Very often the bluntest man makes the
sharpest points.
j . Can the makeT of flags be classed as
i % standard author?
j I She — “Do you dance Air. Yale?”
i Freshman—‘ ‘Only for the Sophs. ”
The King of the Cannibal Islands used
to have many domestic broils when he
cooked his servants .—Hotel Mall.
It makes an underwriter frown %
? To drain this bitter cup;
i Thftt where a ship has settled down
•f- He has totatftle up.
—Rochester Herald.
The young man who asked his sweet¬
heart for just one kiss explained after¬
ward that he accidentally forgot to men¬
tion the hundred —-Boston Courier.
Li On is the name of the manager of
the Chinese Theatrical Company in New
York. It strikes us that he ought to b«
the advance agent ..—Norristown Herald.
•• How do you like iny suit?’ said he,
The maid confessing, •
Admitted that she thought 'twould be
Improved f^othwrandFxerni.eher; by pressing.
St i ck . ?. P ln m * ls ’ .'T*. 1 ** headline
. En llsh editorial.
m “ ? I> a P<^ This is
| wha !\ a cvmcaloutsider
1 1 ^ d( f? B0 * nd that was the
, only point it contained, J ----;......
! iIea h ma they Y fLL to outshine each other as
; muc 33 please in their wearing ap
j pn re U But sifter all, it is the clothes cleanei
; is mdSt successful in taking the shine
i another man s garments,
i Emma—“So you’re engaged to young
i George Halby.” Sadie—“Yes; George
! and I came to an understanding some
weeks ago. You remember the wheat
comer in Chicago?” Emma—“To be
sure I do.” Sadie—Well, that’s the time
I got caught In the squeeze.”
Where It Would do Most Good.—
“Gentlemen,” said the candidate for
office, as he squirted a stream of tobacco
juice on the pavement below, “my char
actor is spotless.” “Then it is a pity,”
said some one in the crowd, “that you
can’t wear it for a shirt!”— Clothier and
Furnisher.
How Chameleons Fight.
As soon as the chameleons catch sight
of each other they remain perfectly still
for a moment. Then they nod theii
heads up and down three or four times,
as if to work themselves up to the right
pitch for a fight. (I’ve seen chickens do
the same thing many a time.) Then they
swell out their dewlap, or throat pouch,
until it becomes a beautiful liirht scarlet,
All this while their color is^constautly
Changing in a manner marvelous to be¬
hold. Before they saw each other both
wore a gay golden-green coat and a white
shirt bosom, tinted with green, but in an
instant this holiday attire Vanishes and
they don their fighting suits one after an
other, dark brown, light brown, olive
green, slate color, some plain, some
spotted but the puffing out of the dewlap
is the last of these preliminaries, and
now, like a flash, the tussle begins. Ami
such a tussle it is, to be sure! No fun or
play about it, only deadly earnest. 1
have Watched these Lilliputian combats
more than one; one especially I recall
between two unusually fine specimens,
regular anolis dudes, and a fair lady (I
suspect she was at the bottom of the
trouble, too) sat on a leaf Close by and
looked calmly on, ready, no doubt, to
greet the victor with sweet smile,
The antagonists seized each other by
the jaws—their teeth are very thin, just
big enough to feel rough to one’s finger
—*but they managed to hold, oh to each
other, and then their heads moved to and
fro, their long tails lashed, they advanced
and retreated up and down the stem of
the evening jesshmine, which they had
selected as their battle ground, and for
ten minutes they kept hard at it, their
dewlaps swelled like constantly beautiful scarlet
balls, their hues changing,
their whole aspect instinct with rage and
determination.
At the end of that time one of them
had lost half of his tail, but he fought
bravely on until another sharp jerk de
prived him of the remaining half. That
was the “drop and too much;” he did not
“turn tail run,” simply because he
had none to turn, but he did run as fast
as be could go, leaving the victor to
swallow the writhing stump of his tail,
which he did with evident enjoyment,
The conquered hero escaped the same
fate only by flight) for it is the fashion
among the anolis tribes to devour thqir
conquered enemy.— Philadelphia Times.
The last maize crop in the United
States was grown on a larger area than
has everbefore been planted; obtained— the total
produce was 1,968,000,000 the greatest bushels. yet
gamely,