Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS.
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 49.
New York wants imprisonment for debt
ibolished.
Sensational rumors of a general die
armament pervade European diplomatic
circles.
The battle against the desecration of
the Sabbath continues to rage furiously
in England.
Property along the proposed route of
the Nicaragua Canal is advancing in value
very rapidly.,
Daniel Drawbaugh, of Pennsylvania,
lias resolved to carry his claim of being
the discoverer of the telephone before
Congress.
The steady rise of workingmen’s wages
now going on in Great Britain is so gen
eral, declares the New Orleans Picayune,
as to attract attention.
Buenos Ayres, Argentine Republic,
and the surrounding pampas seem just
now an earthly paradise for horse fanciers
and horse breeders, where money is lit¬
erally no object, so long as the right ani¬
mal be secured by its means.
The preachers took a very prominent
part iu the constitution making in South
Dakota. In the convention were six
preachers (three Methodists and three
Coiigregationalists) and they were nearly
all chairmen of important committees.
There was a recent case to confirm the
rule of the English law that persons get¬
ting their hands crushed by the slam¬
ming of railway carriage doors cannot re¬
cover damages. The doois areftneant to
be shut, and passengers must look out foi
them.
The English language is' pervading the
earth. Most of the large cities of Eu¬
rope, and many small ones, now have
their English newspaper. Nice, Dres¬
den, Munich, Berlin, Paris, Rome, Na¬
ples, Geneva and many others have one
or two.
i Says the Chicago Times: “We are
largely indebted to Grass, Gall, Hairy
Chin, Red Fish, and Four Clams for the
signing of the treaty filching 11,000,000
acres of land from the Indians. These
braves talked the common herd into
letting their hold their "
go on reserva
tion.”
A quarter of a century ago most of our
paper was manufactured abroad. Now
we manufacture for our own markets, im¬
port hardly any, and export some to Aus¬
tralia, Mexico and South America.
Thriving towns have sprung up in con¬
nection with this industry in different
States, and our farmers are thus able to
sell vegetables and other farm products
nearer home.
An eminent cartographer declares that
the map of Africa is changed by every
mail. Fresh geographical news from the
Dark Continent twice made necessary
changes of parts of the great globe of the
Paris Exhibition during its construction,
and two years ago. some Belgian map
makers were five times compelled to take
from tbe press a large map of the Congo
State for additions and corrections.
Who ever heard of a cheese mine? Yet
one has been discovered at Palmyra, Wis.
It isn’t precisely a mine; in fact, being a
large quantity of cheese which was bur¬
ied many years ago beneath a factory and
there in some manner forgotten. It has
just been discovered and the valuable
product is being quarried out by the
present owners of the factory.
Spokane Falls, Washington, is recover¬
ing rapidly from the effects of the great
fire. The chief baker of the city resumed
business the day after the fire. Having
no sign, he hoisted a pitchfork above the
ridgepole of the “shack” he was living
in, with a loaf of bread stuck on each
tine. A tea merchant resumed business
with similar expedition, although his en¬
tire outfit consisted only of two or three
packages of tea, two or three sacks of
coffee, a table, a mill and a pair of scales.
! The Now York Sun thinks that the
ambition for self-improvement is indicated
very forcibly by the circumstances that
the population of Chautauqua, N. Y., or¬
dinarily 300,is increased during the season
of study to 18,000 or 20,000, tho great
majority of them, according to the New
York Tribune's correspondent, being stu¬
dents. Besides these, something like
100,000 persons are pursuing the home
course of study and reading established
and supervised by the Chautauqua Assem
bly.” __________
The Legislature of Minnesota has lost
patience with “one Willard Glazier,”
whose distressing attentions to the
Father of Waters as sole discoverer of
the fountain-head are well known. It
has passed*au act fixing the name of Elk
Lake, situated in Beitrami County, and
warning all publishers that “no edition
of any school geography, published sub¬
sequently to January 1, 1890,” which
gives Glazier’s name to that lake, or any
name but Elk, “shall be used in the
schools of this State.”
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
A, SONG OF DAYS.
0 radiant summer day,
Whose air, sweet air, steals on from flower
to flower!
Couldst thou not yield one hour
Whence the glad heart says “This alone is
; May?”
O passionate earthly love,
Whose tremulous pulse beats on to life’s
"■ best boon,
Couldst thou not give one noon,
One noon of noons, all other bliss above?
O solemn human life,
Whose nobler longings bid all conflicts
cease!
Grant us one day’s deep peace
Beyond the utmost rumor of all strife.
For if no joy can stay,
Ret it at least yield one consummate bloom,
Or else there is no room
To And delight in love, or life, or May.
ROMANCE OF A TINTYPE
BY CHARLOTTE ROGERS.
Two young ladies were seated on the
porch of the “States” at Saratoga. Each
had tipped her parasol over her nose at
just the right angle to cast a becoming
shadow and neither was at all interested
in the book she held before her.
closed Presently one of them, Miss Benton,
her book and yawned—not a man
was in sight. Then she got up and
shook out all the little frills and ribbons
on her gown while Miss Miller watched
her with lazy interest.
minutes,” /‘I Gave been she wishing for the last ten
said, when the ribbons
were adjusted to her liking, “that there
was some way of preserving our good
times. To condense and can them, for
instance, as we do peaches. Now, this
summer has been perfect; but it has gone
almost as completely as if it had never
been.
4 ‘How delightful, ” she went on dream¬
ily, “it would be to reproduce it some
winter evening, as one does the
peaches.”
“As far as I can make out,” said Miss
Miller, “you want to eat your cake and
keep it too.”
“I have nothing left of the summer but
memories,” continued Miss Benton, pa¬
ing. thetically, “and they are so unsatisfy¬
”
“Do you mean to say,” cried her
friend, leaning forward with tragically
mock earnestness, “that you haven’t____ even
a without tintype? No girl ever leSst passes a summer
“Come,” collecting at one tintype.” "with
she said, springing up
sudden energy, as Miss Benton shook her
head, “we’ll go at once and have ours
taken. " I’ll give you mine and you shall
give me yours. I couldn’t bear to think,
when I part from you to-morrow, that I
had left you without the comfort of a
tintype.”
So they sauntered slowly up the street,
till stopping to look in the shop windows,
boards they came to a kind of tent made of
and canvass.
On the outside of it hung a frame
filled with tintypes of all the people who,
during themselves the summer, had sighed to see
as others saw them. Miss
Miller stopped to inspect these with
interest.
likenesses,” “They look like they might be good
she said, “only the people
seem to have been very bad subjects.
They backwoods.” are evidently excursionists from the
When she entered, after an exhaustive
survey of the productions of art outside,
she found that Judith had already made
arrangements with the young woman in
charge to take their pictures.
The young woman produced a young
man with very thin legs and a very large
head, which made him strongly resemble
a carricature, who in turn produced a
camera and seated them in front of it.
‘ ‘Look pleasant, ” persuasively. ‘ ‘Don’t
move,” threateningly.
Then he pulled off a little lid, walked
leisurely to the door, ran back suddenly
to clap the lid on and say with a flourish:
“That’ll do, ladies; that’s all.”
They got up feeling dazed and waited
till the' young man returned from the
next room. He came in on a run, as if
he had been a long distance, and pre¬
sented them with four pieces of tin,
from which they gazed fixedly back at
themselves.
Miss Benton looked rather pensive, as
if she was still thinking of the unpre¬
served summer, but Judith was seated
with her head to one side and a defiant
expression that, for a tintype, was won¬
derfully captivating.
They expressed themselves as well
pleased; each bought one and walked off,
leaving the other two on the counter.
When they reached the hotel Miss
Miller wrote on the back of hers: “To
Katherine Benton, from Judith Miller,
August, 1888.” Miss Benton wrote a
similar but reversed inscription on hers;
then they exchanged pictures an'd next
day parted with many promises to visit
each other during the winter.
The morning they left, the tintype man
coming into his shop found their pictures
on the counter and remarking that they
were good specimens went outside and
abstracted two of the excursionits from
the frame. The void thus made he filled
with Miss Miller and Miss Benton.
Mr. Stephen Howard had been spend¬
ing a month canoeing among the Thou¬
sand Islands. Business called him back
to New York, but he had still a few days
to spare, and he determined to spend
them at Saratoga.
He was rather a fine-looking specimen
of humanity, with a comfortable income
and plenty of brains. Partly Bohemian
inriiis tastes and partly a society man—
a combination, his lady friends declared,
which made him extremely interesting.
The proper thing to do at Saratoga is
to go before breakfast to the spring you
consider the least disagreeable, or the
most beneficial, and imbibe.
If you are a constant patron of this
place of many waters you will have your
favorite spring, which you are willing to
maintain with your life, is superior to
all the others. Conversation never flags
at Saratoga for this reason. Each one is
fighting HowwsL for his or her being favorite. habitue,
Mr. n.ot a fol.-
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA. FRIDAY. OCTOBER 11, 1889.
lowed the crowd, and then strolled up
the street to look about him.
In due time he came to the board
tent and the frame of tintypes. He
stopped to look at them and began
whimsically wondering if they appeared
as pictures, commonplace in real life ae. in their
or where they came from, what
were their histories, where they had gone
to.
As his eyes traveled slowly down the
frame he started to find Katherine Ben¬
ton gazing pensively back at him.
“How in the world,” he murmured,
addressing here? the pictures, “did you get
You and your friend in your
stylish atttre spoil the monotonous effect
produced by your neighbors. I like to
see things harmonious, and I will rescue
you, Miss BentoD, from your present
conspicuous position.” _
On coming out of the shop he met
some friends, slipped the tintypes into his
pocket and thought no more about them
till he was seated in the train next dav.
After he had read the morning papers,
tried to take a nap and been disturbed by,
the baby, in the next seat behind pound¬
ing him on the head, he dug his hands
moodily into his pockets and looked
straight before him.
Something with a sharp edge cut his
finger; then he remembered the tintypes.
“It’s very good for Katherine,” he re¬
flected, “I’ll ask her to let me keep it
I see her. I wonder who the other
girl is—she’s remarkably pretty.”
The face was full of possibilities and
he went on building up a history for it
till suddenly aroused from his reverie by
an exciting conversation carried on be¬
hind him in piercing whispers.
The baby had long since disappeared
and two ladies had taken its place.
“Good heavens! Betty, where do you
suppose he got it. I never laid eyes on
the creature before in my life, and there
he sits gazing at my picture as if wc were
old friends.”
At this nothing short of a superhuman
efiort prevented Mr. Howard from turning
round. With wonderful self-control he
remained quiet and waited for further
developments.
Betty murmured something soothing
and then the irate maiden began again:
“I wish I could get a good look at
him. _ He looks like a gentleman, doesn’t
he, Bett?—at least his back does. But
the idea of a strange man having my pic¬
ture is simply unbearable.”
“I should think it would be the fact
you minded,” Betty mildly suggested,
“not the idea. Besides, he need never
know it is your picture unless you talk so
loud he hears you.”
“I suppose they imagine I’m deaf,”
thought Mr. Howard.
‘ ‘Betty, I must thick get a good look at him.
I’ll tie on this blue veil to walk
down the car to get some water.”
A short pause and then a young lady of
medium height and good figure walked
sedately past. After she was again seated
she delivered her opinion.
“He’s not exactly good-looking,Betty,
but evidently a gentleman.”
Both were silent for about ten min¬
utes and then his fair unknown began
again:
“This veil is simply suffocating; I
must take it off. Betty, I’m going to put
these shawls and bags up in the rack—
they’re in the Way.”
“Now,” thought Mr. Stephen Howard.
“Now’s my chance.”
He stood up at the same instant she
did and offered his assistance.
She accepted his help without a word
and he was careful to show no signs of
recognition.
After that she held a long conversation
with Betty too low for him to catch, but
he heard her order the luggage to be sent
to the Windsor Hotel and he had seen
for himself that the tintype in no way
did her justice—also that the name on
her bag was Miller.
As soon as Mr. Howard reached his
room he sat down to think out the situa¬
tion. Obviously the thing for him to do
was to return the tintype.
But how? To^Jje sure, now that he
knew her name ne could leave it at the
hotel for her; but then he was distinctly
conscious of a desire to give it to her
himself.
After a while this desire changed and
he felt he would much rather know her
and ask her to let him keep it.
This he determined to do, and after
hard thought sent the following tele¬
gram to Miss Benton, whose journeying,
he discovered while at Saratoga, had
taken her to Newport:
To Miss Katherine Benton, Riggs Cottage,
Newport— Telegraph immediately
me Miss an introduction
to your friend Miller. Will write*ex
planation. Stephen Howard.
Bo nine o’ciock he received this un¬
swer:
ToMr. Stephen Howard, Union Club, New
Miss MiUer^allow me to present my friend,
Mr. Stephen Howard.
Katherine Benton.
Armed with this telegram and the tin¬
type he at once started for the Widsor.
The whole affair had been so like an
adventure and so out of the common run
that he almost dreaded to meet the girl
for fear she would spoil all by proving
stupid or uninteresting.
She came in almost immediately with
his card and the telegram in her hand.
Of course she had no idea that Mr.
Stephen Howard was the man who had
possession of her picture, and, as she
said afterward, it seemed as if she stood
before him for a week gasping and say¬
ing: “Well!”
In reality it was not five minutes be¬
fore they were both laughing and ex¬
plaining and interrupting each other to
wonder at the strange course of events
that had brought them together.
“And the telegram,” she said, “was
such a clever idea. Where did you get
it?”
“That’s a very unkind remark,” here
plied. “Don’t you think I look capable
of originating ‘such a clever idea?’
Evidently you don’t know me. That
stroke of genius was evolved from my
inner consciousness. 1 wanted to know
you. Something had to be done at once,
for you might leave town at. any moment.
I rose to the emergency aud telegraphed.”
Before lie left he found that she e*.
pected to be in town a week. She and het
aunt (presumably “Betty”) were waiting
for some friends with whom they were
going to White Sulphur. That her home
was in Washington, and it was not till
he reached his room that he remembered
he had not returned the tintype.
He sat up till late that night writing
to Miss Benton.
Dear Katherine— I am firmly convinced
you should have been a soldier. You possess
the very quality to make you shine in the
profession I of arms—prompt obedience.
can never sufficiently thank you for the
way you answered my telegram have and I fully
appreciate the effort it must cost you
not to have first wired: “Why do you want
to know Miss Miller? When did you hear of
her?” and a host of other questions.
You see virture is always rewarded in the
end, so I am writing at the very first mo¬
ment and in the middle of the night to grati
fy Tho your curiosity.
and while day after you left Saratoga I arrived,
with ladyship—in strolling about tintype. came face to face
You your a a"
other unfortunates were hung out with specimens frame full of
as of the high
class of work done within the establishment.
together Having pleased an idea with that you would position not be al¬
your if you
knew of it, I rescued you and also one who
seemed On to be a kindred "spirit.
the train next day while gazing in rapt
admiration at yourself and K. S., I became
suddenly aware from certain indignant
sounds behind me that no less a person than
the original kindred spirit had the next seat
back.
I at once saw in this remarkable coinci¬
dence the finger of fate. The finger most em¬
phatically By pointed toward what an introduction.
careful attention to was said be¬
hind me, I found that her name was Miller
and her destination the Windsor.
As soon as I arrived I sent you that remark¬
able telegram, and there, my dear Katherine,
you have tho whole story up to date.
No 1 The childlike simplicity of my nature
will allow mo to conceal nothing, I have
just spent two hours with her and I find her
as the novels say, “all my fondest fancy
painted,” pretty or in plain English, an extremely
and attractive girl.
Farewell. Now that I have given - you
enough I material to build up a wonderful ro¬
mance will leave you to its construction.
Blame Only don’t blame me if it never comes true.
your kindred spirit. Yours truly,
Stephen Howard.
The next afternoon he took her driv¬
ing and he never remembered enjoying a
drive so much. He told her the names
of the people they passed and what they
were noted for. Mostly men who were
so rich they were obliged to stay in town
all summer to look after their money.
He noticed that all of them looked ad¬
miringly at the girl beside him, and it
pleased him—he felt as if her beauty, in
some way, reflected great credit on him¬
self.
He made some excuse to see her every
night and often in the daytime. The
few New Yorkers she knew were out of
town, so he had her all to himself.
Alas, that good times should- end so
quickly! One night when he.Galled he
found his week of bliss was over. Aunt
Betty informed him their friendf had ar¬
rived and they were to start Tot- the
“White” in the morning. She hoped
they would have the pleasure of seeing
him in Washington next winter, which
hope her niece.demurely echoed.
Next day Mr. Howard found the city
exceedingly hot and stupid.
He left undone that which he ought to
have done, and spent the morning at the
club trying to extract amusement from
the other loungers.
About seven o’clock a brilliant idea
occurred to him—
“By Jove!” he exclaimed, “I’ve for¬
gotten to give her that tintype.”
Two days after her arrival at the 4 ‘White”
Miss Miller was standing on the hotel
piazza, when she saw Stephen Howard,
her embodied thought as it happened,
slowly sauntering toward her with the
air of having been there all summer.
She fully expected him to say, “Why,
when did you come?” just as first arri¬
vals always do to later ones. He only
shook hands, however, and said “good
morning,” as if his being there was the
most natural thing in the world and re¬
quired no explanation.
“Do you spend all your time planning
surprises of various kinds for your
friends,” she asked, “or am I specially
favored?”
“Now that is a very pretty compli¬
ment delicately conveyed,” he answered
with a laugh. “I assure you, Miss Mil¬
ler, I appreciate it. It’s not every day I
get told my presence is a special favor.”
“I don’t think I meant to convey any
such impression. Would you like me to
show you some of the beauties of the
place, now that you are here?”
“If you mean the beauties of nature—
the inanimate—nothing I should like
better.”
Nevertheless, by the time they bad
reached the extreme end of the lawn they
sat down by mutual consent under one of
the trees.
“It is pretty here,” she remarked. “It
seems a pity to go any further.”
A long silence followed, broken only
by the sounds from the hotel, softened
by the distance to a murmur.
“Miss Miller,” he began abruptly,
“I came down here to bring you back
your tintype.” him in smiling
She looked at astonish¬
ment.
“That was very kind of you, but
couldn’t you have mailed it? I am sorry
you thought it necessary to take so much
trouble.”
Miss Miller, like the rest of her sex,
was more or less of a hypocrite.
He had laid the picture on the grass
before him aud she held out her hand
for it. He took no notice of the action.
“I wonder if you would give it to me,”
he said, “if I asked you for it? But
I’m afraid the picture wouldn’t satisfy
me now that I have known the original.
I would like the picture as a surety of
the reality. Do you think, Miss Miller,
there is any chance of my longings evei
being gratified? May I keep the pic¬
ture?”
They were in full sight from the ho¬
tel, so from all appearances they might
have been discussing the weather. But
that night Katherine Benton at Newport
received another startling telegram. It
read as follows:
Congratulate original of tintype. me. Lucky fellow. Have
won
8. Howard.
“Disgusting!” exclaimed Miss Benton
as she tossed it from her. “He actually
counted the words,”— Tort Mercury.
BUDGET OF FUN~
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A Tuneful Tragedy—Of Gentle Dis¬
position—A Long, Long, Weary
Day—A Close Shave—Silence
is Golden, Etc., Etc.
Silvery Lily-throated. noted,
Ctary-eyed Charming and golden-haired,
The Anna,
All the singer’s soprano, hearts ensnared.
Long Sought the tenor
Sought to win her.
to win her for his bride.
And the basso,
With love’s lasso.
Oft to snare the maiden tried.
Tlie demeanor
Of the tenor
To the basso fri
And the basso
As he was so
Much in love grew frigid too.
Anna smiled on
Both, which piled on
To the mutual hatred fuel,
Bo to win her
Bass and tenor
Swore they’d Sght a vocal duel.
Shrieked the tenor, -
Like a Vennor
Cyclone howling Sang o'er the plain,
To so high he
outvie the
Bass, he split his head in twain.
Growled the basso
Till he was so
Low to hear him was a treat,
Lower still he
Went until he
Split the soles of both his feet.
Charming The Anna,
Mourned week soprano. both her fellows,
a for
Then wed the
Man who fed the
Wind into the organ bellows.
—Boston Courier.
OP GENTLE DISPOSITION.
, Lady , (to tramp)—“Poor man! You
must have broken off many dear ties in
your past life.”
Tramp— 4 ‘No, marm, I stepped on 'em
tenderly. ”— Epoch.
A LONG, LONG, WEARY DAY.
Gus—“What’s the matter, Jack?
You look all worn out.”
Jack—“I’ve been visiting a young
couple with their first baby."— Sew York
Weekly.
A CLOSE SHAVE.
Customer (in barber shop)—“Is the
boss in?”
Apnrentice—“No, sir. He is at home
sick.”
Customer—“Anything Apprentice—“Well, serious?"
I shaved him yes¬
terday and the doctor says he is very
weak from loss of blood .”—Lowell Citi¬
zen
SILENCE IS GOLDEN,
“Yes,” said Fenderson, “my new book
has received golden opinions from all
sorts of people.”
Fogg—“Why, I thought the press of
the countrv had been entirelv silent about
it.”
Fenderson—“That’s what I said. Si
lence is golden, vou know .”—Boston
Transcript.
THE AVERAGE MAN.
Wife—“You missed the baby greatly
while we were away, didn't you?”
Husband—“Y*es; couldn’t sleep at all
for a while, till I put a saw horse and
wheelbarrow in the bed, and hired a man
to play an accordion in the room nights."
—Memphis Avalanche.
A CHEAP CURE FOR HUNGER.
“I wish you would help me a little,”
said the tramp. “I haven’t eaten any¬
thing for two days.”
“H’m!” returned old Grinder. “I'm
opposed to giving money promiscuously
on the street, but if you take this string
and tie it round you tightiy you won’t
feel so empty.”
CAUTIOUS.
“Ted—“Are you going to call on that
heiress this evening?”
Ned—“No; not with this terrible
cold?”
Ted—“What difference does that
make?”
Ned—“Why, my boy, in these days an
heiress isn't to be sneezed at.”— Harper's
Bazar.
ABLE TO PROTECT HIMSELF.
There stood in the dock a big, burly
artisan, a regular Hercules in point of
stature, brought up o» a charge of assault
with intent to do grievous bodily harm.
“Prisoner,” said the Judge, “have
you engaged any one to defend want'any vou?”
“What’s that? I don’t one.
Come on, any half-dozen of you !”—Her
Amsterdammer.
\
W
A CRUEL GIRL.* •
Mistress (a very kind-hearted one)—
4 ‘Did you drown the kittens as I di¬
rected, Marie?”
Marie—“Oui, madame.”
“Did you warm the water?”
“Non, madame."
“What! Do you mean to tell me that
you drowned those poor little kittens in
ice-cold water? You cruel girl!”
AN ACTIVE SENSE.
Teacher—“How do we tell if anything
is sweet or sour?”
Pupil—“By Teacher—“And the sense of taste.”
how do you distin¬
guish colors?”
Pupil—“Bv the sense of touch.”
Teachfer—“You can’t feel colors, can
you?”
Pupil—“Yes; don’t you sometimes feel
blue ?”—Omaha World-Herald.
pride’s fall.
•ramp— 1 ‘Please, mum, I uiu’t had no
food lev three days. Can you give me
something to. eat?”
Mrs. Slimdiet #7 (haughtily)— 1 ‘My terms
for booi'd are a week-”
ing Tramp (straightening up)—“Begpard
fer troublin’ ye, I didn’t know this
was a boardin’-house. I ain’t hungry
’nough ter eat boardin’-house vittles.
Good-day, mum .”—Sew Tort Weekly.
INTERESTED IS CIS .JOURNEY. "
“So, Sir. Hankinson, you are going on
a tour of the world?”
“Yes, Miss Whitesmith.”
“And will you promise to write to me
from every country you may visit.”
“Promise? Ah, you know not how I
will value the privilege. And you will
really care to hear from me?”
“Yes. I am collecting the postage
stamps of all countries .”—London Tid¬
bits.
- r
PINK OP POLITENESS. x
Polite Gentleman (to lady in front, at
the concert)—“I beg your pardon, mad¬
am, but won’t you be kind enough to
press that flower on top of vour hat, just
a little?”
Ladv—“Cc-rtainlv. There. Will that
do?”
“Yes, thank you. Now I can see the
leading lady’s bangs very nicely. I wa3
wondering what color her hair was.”—
Sew Tort Weekly.
A BETTER SCHEME.
“May I have the pleasure of accom¬
panying you on the straw ride, Miss
Greene,” said the young man, hopefully;
“your mother is going to chaperone the
party.”
She hesitated a minute before answer
ing.
“Don’t you think,” she replied at
length, 4 -that if mamma is going as chap¬
erone it would be muck nicer to sit on the
front piazza while mamma is away?”—
Boston Beacon.
WESTERN RAILROADING.
“Speedwell!” yelled the Western rail¬
way superintendent to his assistant, “I
see by these dispatches that the overland
fiver No. 2 is snow-bound at North
Fork."
“Y"es, sir,” was the brisk reply. “I’ve
ordered out the snow-plows.”
“Very good. Telegraph the crew that
as soon as they open the road I want
them to carry a train load of snow to
South Pass and dump it on the track.
The rails there are melting with the
heat .”—Sew York Weekly.
HE WAS ENGAGED.
Fond Lover—“Is your pa in, Addle?”
Gentle Maiden—“Yes, but you may
come in.”
F. L.—“I don’t think he likes me,
and he might-”
G. M.—“There’s no need of being
afraid: he is engaged.”
F. L.—“Engaged is he?”
G. M.—“Yes. He stayed out till after
12 last night and went off this morning
without giving ma a chance to talk to
him. She is talking to him now, and he
won’t be in this part of the house for the
next three hours. Come right in.”—
Boston Courier.
VINDICATION OF HIS HONOR.
A couple of good natured Frenchmen
got into a quarrel and challenged each
other to fight. On the morning of the
duel the 7 aud tlleir seconds tramped
through the woods to the fatal spot, when
one of the duellists, the challenging party,
tripped and fell. His second helped him
to his feet.
“I hope you are not hurt?” said the
other duellist.
“I’m not much hurt; I only bumped
my nose on the ground.”
“Does it bleed?”
“Yes, a little.”
‘ ‘Heaven be praised! Blood flows, and
my honor is vindicated. Give me your
hand, old boy ? - ’—London Tid-Bits.
A GENTLE HINT.
George was a bashful lover, He
scarcely dared to touch his lady’s hand.
He loved her well and she was worthy
of his affection, for she was modest, in¬
telligent, sweet and loveable; but, like
all good women, she yearned for the re¬
spectful caresses that are the evidences of
a pure affection. She however yearned
in vain. George worshipped her. He
might kiss the hem of her garmet, but to
kiss her lips or cheek, the very audacity
of tbe thought made him tremble,
They sat together by the sea looking
out upon the track of the moon’s light
which white winged yachts were crossing
now and then:
“ It was a witching hour, delight.” a scene
For love and calm
Suddenly she moved slightly away
from him.
“Please, George, don't do that,” she
said.
“What? he asked m genuine surprise,
“Oh! you needn’t tell me,” she re
plied. “You were waist, just going to put
3 'our arm around my and were go
ia g to try and kiss me.”
“Dear Arabella-”
“Oh! you needn’t tell me no; you
were going to do it. Well, after all, I
suppose you aie not to blame. It is just
what a lover would do to his sweetheart,
and I suppose I must not be offended if
you do it.”
And George grasped the situation and
did exactly what Arabella grinned supposed he
would do, and the moon and the
stars winked and the wavelets laughed,
and a mosquito that was about to alight
ou the maiden’s cheek flew away and set¬
tled on the nose of a widow who was
sitting near the • band stand .—Boston
. Courier.
Over 300 Ways of Changing a Quarter.
Very few people know how many
different ways there are of changing a
quarter of a dollar. According to a
Philadelphia man who had more leisure
than business on his hands, there are 315
whys of changing that piece of money.
The pieces used are the 20-cent piece,
10-cent piece, 5-cent piece, 3-cent piece,
2-cent piece and the 1-cent piece. To
make all the changes without using the
same coin twice would require 1233
1-cent pieces, 614 twos, 378 threes, 184
fives, 59 tens and 9 twenties, making
2584 pieces, worth #53.75.— Sew Tort
World.
Sabseriptioo: $1.25 is Adiance.
WELL, I DECLARE I
Old Silas lived threescore and ten
Of years, to him one long surprise;
To ways of women and of men,
To ways of fleas, and fools, and flies,
To reptiles crawling on the ground.
To swift birds flying through the air.
Wide mouthed, but one comment be found •
“Well, I declare!”
It was the same from morn till night, t
From night till mom, and everywhere: -
When life was dark, when life was bright,
"When doctors told him have a care.
When preachers preached with all their
might,
When judge and jury bade him swear,
Surprised he answered, wrong or right .
“Well, I declare!”
When some one said the earth was round,
And others said the earth was flat,
The disputants he would confound
By saying nothing but just that.
When he was told, Oh, this is hot!
It seemed to take him unaware,
And he would gasp out as if shot;
“Well, I declarer’
One summer day old Silas died,
And friends sad tears above him shed;
He passed beyond the great divide
That parts the living from the dead;
But from the blue and tender skies,
Down through the sun-lit summer air,
A whisper came of glad surprise;
•‘Well, I declare!”
—Galveston Sews.
PITH AND POINT.
A glaring fraud—A glass eye.
A pie plant—A pie manufactory.
“He owes everything he has tome.”
4 ‘That’s bad. He owes a great more
than he has tome.”— Harper's Bazar.
Visitor at Medical College—“Where
did those skeletons come from?” Young
Doctor—“We raised them.”— Epoch.
The man who invented the cow-catcher
never got a cent for it. And yet it has
given lots of men a lift .—Sew Tort Sews.
The rich bug, now with haughty smile,
Will boast what he's of Paris seen;
The poor potato bug, meanwhile,
Will feel that he's of Paris green.
— Sew York Sun.
Wife (tearful)—“You’ve broken the
promise you made me!” Husband (kiss¬
ing her)—“Nevermind, my dear, don’t
cry; 1’U make you another.”— Munsey's
Weekly.
Old Lady—“I hope, my dear, you
never conceal anything from your hus¬
band.” Young Wife—“Oh, no; noth
ing but my thoughts .”—Sew York
Weekly.
“Dear,” said a physician’s wife as they
sat in church, “there is Mrs. Goldberg
sitting in a draught.” “Never mind,”
said her husband, “I will cash that draft
later on .”—Washington Capital.
Shall strangers in the Northern land
Defy England the sign of star and stripe?
Shall pluck with ruthless hand
Our sealskin sacques before they're ripe?
— Washington Capital.
“We are all worms!” exclaimed the
preacher in his sermon. Little Bobby,
who was listening attentively, that's whispered
!o his mother—“Then why the
great big whale swallowed Jonah, isn't
t ?”—Portland Press. , A .
Money in the Porpois /y
Recent reports have come from around
tbout Quebec of a new business enter¬
prise for the catching of the porpoise.
In a section of the gulf where they are
very plentiful colossal nets are to be
spread for their capture.
The porpoise has been often caught be¬
fore. Capitalists have coralled him in
quantities while disporting himself near
Wilmington, Del., for instance. But to
those same capitalists he has ever proved
much of a white elephant. Commercial¬
ly he has been unsuccessful, and it is
pleasing to note t%at he is so far appre¬
ciated to-day that a band of moneyed men
ire again to push him forward. It is a
difficult thing to find a porpoise man in
this city. In the business world the por¬
poise is out. But a fish oil mau thus
speaks of him:
“The catching of the porpoise,” he
said, “is something that has never paid.
When dead he is useful in certain ways,
but never sufficiently so. Under bis skin
is a layer of fat—the blubber—which is
made into an ordinary fish oil, such as
menhaden, selling at twenty-five cents oil a
gallon. The only really valuable
about him is within the jawbone. That
oil is very fine. It sells at from $3 to $4
a gallon, and, when carefully refined,
very much higher. But, of course, pe
porpoise there is a very small quantity of
that. Of the ordinary oil about ten por
poises are needed for a barrelful. It is
used for the same purposes that other fish
oils are—lubricating, the curing of leath¬
er and the lighting of mines. But,” he
concluded, “the amount of porpoise oil
actually used is so small that we oil me
take it into consideration at all. ”
never
The porpoise's hide is regularly tanned
for boot and shoe use. It is too wet and
oily a leather to become a material for
bags, pocketbooks and the like. Cut
into strips for shoestrings it has metwith
some favor. But otherwise it is not
wanted. Recently a man in the Swamp,
who used to be in the porpoise business,
said: “Don’t talk porpoise tome, sir,
there is nothing in them nowadays.
Years ago we thought there was going to
be, but no. In my stock now I hav ■
several thousand porpoise hides that I
would be glad to sell, but nobody wants
them. If this new company is going to
capture them by net it will have a job on
its hands. For the porpoise is a wriggler
and the porpoise is very strong, and the
net will have to be made of the heaviest
wire and porpoise tightly heie woven referred together.”. to is just
The
the plain, ordinary porpoise, such as one
may see not far from here, and even at
times in New York Bay itself. There is
another kind of porpoise known as the
“white whale,” from twelve to fourteen
feet long, of a kalsomine whiteness from
tip of tail to head. But he is, strictly
speaking, an Arctic porpoise, and sel¬
dom, if ever, gets as far south as the
Gulf of Bt. Lawrence. The ordinary
species is but half the length, and even
less, of the “white whale.”— Mail and
JSsprw.