Newspaper Page Text
, , .-J-Ai" •■
The TD t 71 County Journal.
VOL. VI.
JUSTICE COURTS.
ZEBULON
W M Hartley I P
C F Bedding N P
Fourth Saturday
EPPINQER
fl S Barrett J P
First Saturday
HOLLONVILLE
J W Dunbar J P
s N P
First Saturday
DRIVEN
W J Ooggin, Justice
J P Baker, Notary
Second Saturday
JfEANSVILLE
U L Butler. Justice
R W McGintv, Notary
Fourth Friday
CONCORD
J T Beckham, Justice
Robt HMcLendon, Notary
Third Saturday
SECOND
Robt MeLert y, Jusiice
J R Sykes, Notaiy
Third Saturday
PIEDMONT
T M Allen, Justice
J L Bussey, Notary
Fourth Saturday
MOLENA
G B Rlount, Justice
E M Eppiuger, Notary
fliird Friday
BARNESVILLLB
R L Merritt, Justice
G E Huglev, Notary
Third Thursday
MILNER
P G Moere, Justice.
J*J3 Gardner, Notary
Fourth Monday
ZEBULON, GA,
z EBULON is tho very 3 inked elate. ottractiens au'i county, near hospitable on is It the situated and ali is for sides geographical the with the peonle In «cut by its nome-seeker. I*lk« healthful gently it of offers county justiee centre sloping supe* loca- anc. ot ol 11
ills and fertile valleys. Here is found every
variety of soil and scenery. One of tho hobbies
Df the town is its most oxcellent school. The
iton Atlanta to Fort and Valley, Florida has railroad, had the since effect its of coinjple infus
ing new life into the old town, and places us
within about an hour’s ride of Atlanta, the
c.yr; >ltitl of f the state.
nes vide, Milne- Concord and Molena are
hriving and prctenv*ous towns—the twofdtmei
,n the eastern portion of the county and the twe
.ntter m the western portion. There are a hall
lozen other towns in the county of much local
importance, besides sixtv-three miles of rail*
road—all sustained by a prosperous and pro
ircsslve people. It is an instance of the “sur*
rival of the fittest” that ZEBULON should hr
\hosen jis tho county site for this large and
prosperous this county. central location TU© Fik*
From read
t'ont»ly Journal is Issued weekly and
t*y move than 5,000 people, Ii is the recognized rally
county paper and to it tin e people natu tu f local
took for inf irmation on all questions o
interest.
Inquiries with reference to special advanta gei
of the towu or county will receive prompt at
tention if addressed to thi a iiaper.
PROFESSION A L CARPS.
S. N. WOODWARD
attorney at L aw,
BA RNESVILLE. - - - GA.
E. F. DUPREE.
Afiiirnrji at Law,
ZEBULON. GA.
Will practice in all the courts. Promp
attention given to all business en
trusted to him.
J. H. PHILLIPS,
Physician and Surgeon,
ZEBULON, GEORGIA.
(Next door to Judge Dupree.)
o. M. m’cowkll, J. C. HOOTKN
Mcdowell – hootex,
Physicians and Surgeons,
MOLENA, GEORGIA.
!>K. II. J. GA 11 LAND
DENTIST,
GRIFFIN, GEORGIA.
Office over Griffin Banking Company,
Teeth smoothly and permanently
filled or extracted without pain.
K. V. HAMMOND. L. CLEVELAND.
HAMMOND – CLEVELAND,
Attorneys at Law,
GIIIFFIN, GEORGIA.
W. R. TYLER.
DENTIST,
BARNES VILLE, GEORGIA
D (J BECKHAM,
Practical 1 fa tel: maker and Jeweler.
dflb
■
i
Tho Ship of Love.
Galoa that blow the ships away
Over leagues of lonesome sea,
Search the dreary deep today—
Waft Love’s wandering ship to mol
But the winds reply :
*‘We roam the sky
And we trouble and toss the sea;
And thy Love’s ship sails
Whore the black night wails,
And comes no more to thee I"
Stars, that light the soar alar,
Where the mists and moaning be;
Blend your beams in one great Star
Light Love’s wandering ship to mo!
But the stars reply
“We light the sky,
ar over the lonely son:
And thy Love’s ship dreams
Where no bright star beams,
And comes no more to thee!’’
-Thank L. Stanton, in Atlanta Constitution.
“OUR TOM.’’
BY AMY HAltDObl’H.
Tho sun, a sphere of amber glory,
had just gone majestically down be
hind the cedar-treoN on old Mount
Milton ; and Bessie Vane, washing the
tea-dishes in the little outer kitchen,
was vehemently haranguing her
brother, who sat dejectedly on the
window seat, staring hard at the glow
of yellow light which still hung* above
Mount Milton.
“If I were you, Tom,” said Bessie,
vigorously polishing up a tumbler, “I
would not be such an idiot!”
“Oh, Bessie, don’t chatter,” said
Tom, despairingly. “You mean well,
dear, but you don’t understand. It’s
no use.”
“It is!” asserted Bessie.
“I’m not good enough for her.”
“You are!” protested Bessie, red
dening angrily.
“She don’t love me.”
“Moreshame for her, then!”
“She deserves a richer, handsomer,
nobler husband than I could ever be
to her.”
“She don’t!”
“And so I’ve pretty much resolved
to give the whole matter up.”
Bessie was silent. In her estima
tion Tom was the best, bonniest, most
heroic of all the young men in the
countryside; and if Hermione Doug
las looked down upon him, Hermione
Douglas must be bereft of common
sense—that was all.
“I did think,” sadly added Tom,
“that I had some shadow of a chance
before that young foreign scoundrel
stepped in-Do Castle, or whatever
his name is. ”
“Di Casoli, ’’ corrected Bessie.
“Well, Di something or other. A
man can’t Vie expected to remember
these four-syllabled things,” growled
Tom. “But he has upset things alto
gether. I hate foreigners! I always
did 1”
“Oh, Tom,” remonstrated Bessie,
“ aren't yon a little unjust?”
“‘Unjust!’ People are unjust to
me, ain’t they?” retorted Tom, pluck
ing a solitary slender-stemmed carna
tion whose modest. petals were glim
mering in tho faint halflight, in the
window recess. “If this De Cassell
had only minded his own business and
stayed in Milan or Nice or wherever
the place is, I might have had some
show. As for his being a count, I
don’t believe he’s a count any more
than I am a convict.”
Bessie was silent as she placed the
little piles of cups, saucers and pro
serve-plates on the cupboard shelves
in due order. ’
“As for my being jealous without u
cause,” moodily added Tom, “Didn’t
George Daily himself hear her say
that she liked Italians better than any
other sort? What does that sound
like, eh?”
“Well, lie i« handsome,’’reluctantly
added Bessie.
“ ‘Handsome !’ That’s all you wo
men think of!” burst out Tom, as ho
flung himself away.
Anil the next day he announced his
intention of going to Canada.
“Oh, Tom 1” shrieked his mother.
“Isn’t this rather a sudden resolu
tion, my son?” mildly questioned his
father.
“And leave us r Tom?” faltered
Bessie, with tears in her gentle blue
eyes.
“Home is no place for me just
now,” said Tom, recklessly. “Uncle
Brian’s lumber mill will take the non
sense out of me if anything will.
Hard work and no time to think—
that is what I need. ”
Bessie said nothing more. 8he
drew a long shuddering breath, and
resolved secretly to take a decisive
course of action.
“Tom has the best right to Her
moine,” she thought. “Tom loved
Hermione long before this Count Di
Casoli ever earne to this country.
And I think Hermione lilted him.
Tom is not like other people, who con
sole themselves easily. This thing
ZEBULON, BIKE CO., GA., FRIDAY, MARCH 23, 1891.
will break Tom’s heart, I shall inter
fere, even at the risk of appearing tin*
feminine and meddlesome.”
Her resolution oneo formed Bessie
lost no time iu carrying it into effect.
That very afternoon she dressed her
self iu the pretty blue India silk dress
that was so becoming and tied on the
little hat that was wreathed around
with bine forget-me-nots and loops of
azure ribbons, and set off for the old
Douglas house, whore Count Di Oasoli
was visiting Hermione’s brothers.
She had met the count several times
before. He was, as she had told Tom,
strikingly handsome, and spoke as
good English as if ho had been born
on Massachusetts soil. He liked
America, he had told Bessie, and
thought it extremely likely that ho
should remain iu Huh country for sev
eral years. Moldy old Italian castles,
he had laughingly observed, were not
nearly so pleasant as these sunny New
England homes, and as for society, he
much preferred the clearer, brighter
atmosphere of American intellect.
“So sensible as lie is in everything,”
thought Bessie, “and vet not to see
how unjustly he is acting toward poor,
dear Tom! Oh, T can’t understand it
at all!”
Just before she leached the pretty
grounds of tho Douglas place, Bessie
came upon tho Count Di Oasoli, leis
urely seated 011 an old fallen tree, in
tently watching the pranks of a group
of gray squirrels. He sprang to his
feet in an instant.
“Miss Vane!” he cried, with bright
ening eyes. “How fortunate I am to
meet you thus! May I have the hap
piness of escorting you up to the
house?”
“No,” answered Bessie summoning
all her courage to the front, “I was
not going to visit Hermione today. I
—I came especially to see you, Mr. Di
Oasoli.”
“To wee me?” His eyes sparkled,
his cheeks deepened in its ruddy brown
color ns he looked down into her
averted face. Bessie felt as if she
could sunk through tho very ground
at his feet.
“I wanted to speak to you,” she
added, hurriedly.
“I at service, Miss Yane. ”
am your
“Would you think me very imper*
lineal if—if T wore to ask you some
questions?” sho faltered, secretly
wishing herself anywhere else in the
world than under the light of those
brilliant, searching eyes.
“I cannot think of any circum
at(l „ cefl in the wor]d undor which I
could possibly think you impertinent,
Miss Vane.”
At this Bessie blushed hotter than
ever, and resolved to strike straight at
the root of the matter and settle affairs
at once.
“Mr. Di Casoli,” she falter ed,“you
know you said yon wouldn't be of
fended; but—are you engaged to Her
mione Douglass?”
He looked at her curiously.
“No,” said he; “I have not that
honor.”
‘ ‘You promised, Mr. Di Casoli!”
pleaded poor Bessie, in agony.
“I promised what?”
“Not to be angry.”
“I am not angry, aignorina—I mean
jjj #s Vane. Speak on!”
“Because—” faltered Bessie—“I
thought—our Tom—oh, Air. Di Casoli
he loves Hermione so dearly—he has
J ove d her ever since they were child
ron together, and they were all but
engaged when—when you came hero
ttU ,i spoiled it all.”
The Count Di Casoli stroked his
silken mustache, with a puzzled ex
p r ,, ss ion of countenance,
“But—pardon—” he began—“I do
not H00 w ], a t I have to do with the
matter.”
“Are you not iu love with Hor
mione?” flatly demanded Bessie.
“Strangely as it may seem I am
not,” Di Casoli answered, with the ut
most gravity.
“Nor engaged to her?”
“No, nor engaged to her. ”
“But—but—” Bessie hesitated.
“Yes?”
The questioning, brilliant eyes
seemed to glow upon her like jewels.
“She—said she liked Italians better
than any one else. Mr. Daily heard
her—at the reception—day before yes
terday 1”
The count smiled.
“Yes,” said he, “she did sav so. j
also heard her. The remark was made
in my presence. But, unluckily for
my self-esteem, wo were talking, not of
individuals, but of bees. Her father
has just x-eeeived a few colonies of fine
Italian bees, and it was of them tlmt
we were speaking. As to the Italian
gentlemen, as compared with those of
this country, she has not yet expressed
an opinion.”
Bessie’s whole face had grown ra
diant.
“Oh, Mr. Di Casoli,’’she said, “wilj
you promise jjjc not, to fall in love with
Hermione? I’m asking a weak thing,
I know, for Hermione in ho sweet and
beautiful, and I don’t see how any man
can be with her and not love her. But
our Tom—”
“It is asking a great deal,” said Mr.
Di.Cnsoli, so solemnly that Bessie
started back and shrank within herself
like a sensitive plant at the touch of a
profaning Unger. “lean only con
sent, on one condition.”
“What is that?” murmured palpi
tating Bessie.
“That 1 may confide in you, signo
rina Bessie, even as you have confided
in mo,” said Di Cnsoli, suiting his
voice to tho confidential accent.
“Have I your consent?”
“Yen, of course,” said Bessie, won
dering what was coming next.
“I am not in love with Miss Doug
las,” confessed tho count, “because I
am in love with somebody else. If
you can use your influence with that
fair queen of my heart, to secure my
happiness, I will pledge myself sa
credly never to interfere with the sig
nor, your brother.”
“But what can I do?” questioned
Bessie.
“You can do everything!” asserted
the count. “The name of ray queen
is Bessie Vane—she stands before me
at this instant. If she will take charge
of my heart, it is safe forever. Cara mia 1
Don’t look at me with those startled
eyes. Just put your hand 111 mine,
and say; ‘Marco, I love you 1’ ”
And in faltering accents Bessie re
peated her lesson. Low as her voice
was, however, it satisfied Marco Di
Oasoli.
“That was the way it happened,”
said proud Mrs. Vaife. “It seems
the count had beau in love with Bes
aio ever since he first saw her. And
Hermoine says she would have accepted
onr Tom long ago if he bad but plucked
up courage and asked her. Is he going
to Canada? Of course not, now
why 011 earth should ho go to Canada?
But as for little blue-eyed Bess becom
ing a countess......I declare to gracious
it doesn’t seems possible?”
“Nothing is too good for Boss,”
said Our Tom, who was fully aware
of all the benefits ho bad gained from
his sister’s bravo intercession. — [The
Ledger.
Malting lnm froni'tlio (fro,
Iron-making is a kind o£ cookery on
a huge scale. The earthy impurities
must be “roasted” or melted out from
iron ore ; tho necessary carbon must
then bo properly mixed in from tho
fuel, or the unnecessary carbon burned
out. This is of manufacture. A
wronght-iron bar or plate is always ob
tained from a puddle ball, an aggrega
tion of grains of iron in a pasty, semi
fus 'd condition, interspersed with a
greater or less amount of cinder or
slug Under tho powerful action of
the rolls the grains are wielded to
gether, and a large part of the cinder
is squeezed out, but enough remains
interposed between the iron granules
to prevent them from wielding thor
oughly and forming a homogeneous
mass. The welded lumps elongate
under tho process of rolling, and the
resulting bar resembles a bunch of
iron fibres or sinews with minute par
tides of slug interspersed here anil
there. Such iron varies iu resistance
according to whether the power is
applied with or against the fibre. Steel
is the result of a fusing process. It
may be crucible, Bessemer, or open
hearth steel, but in all cases it has
been cast from a thoroughly melted
and fluid state into an ingot mould,
where it solidifies and is ready for
subsequent treatment, such us ham
mering or rolling. The slag being
lighter than the steel,it rises on top
of the melted bath, and docs not min
gle with the metal, which remains
clean and unobstructed, and, after be
ing cast iu tho mould, cools into ft
crystalline homogenous mass in which
no amount of rolling can develop a
fibre. Thus steel possesses a struct
ure more regular and compact than
wrought iron. Its resistance to strains
and stresses is more equal in all direc
tions, and its adaptability to struct
ural use is vastly increased. —[Har
pers’ Magazine.
The Bicycle as a War Horse,
So great has been the extension of
the use of the bicycle in the Belgian
array as in the other military organi
zations of the Continent, that the
minister of war at Brussels 1ms elabo
rated a scheme for tho prompt mobili
zation of the different cyclist corps.
With this object special rail
way wagons have been constructed for
the carriage of the machines. Each
wagon has a carrying capacity for
thirty bicycles and us many riders,half
the machines being hung from tho
roof and half being placed in wooden
groves on the floorings. Tiiey are so
arranged that they remain perfectly
stead j' and are not liable to injure on
the journey, — f London; News.
RATTLESNAKE MAN.
Catches Venomous Serpents for a
Livelihood.
Interesting Incidents of ft Dan
gerous Occupation.
In a wild valley at the foot of a
rocky and precipitous mountain, near
the little hamlet of Long Eddy, iu
Sullivan County. N. Y., is the homo
of John C. Geer, whose business is the
charming of rattlesnakes. This ec
centric individual who lives in this in
sulated spot is known throughout that
part of the country as “the rattlesnake
man. ” Though over sixty years of
age, he is as active almost as he wiAj
twenty years ago, and for a mount
aineer, born and reared in that untu
tored country, where people of any
kind are scarce, be possesses u rare
intelligence.
A better insight into his strange and
dangerous business cannot bo given
than by the following story, told by
himself: “I have boon engaged iu
catching rattlers at the foot of this
mountain for many years. Borne sea
sons I get from 200 to 300 of them,
many ot which I tame and ship alive
to museums of New York and other
cities. I kill a good many andoxtract
the oil, for which I find a ready sale
at from #2 to $5 an ounce. The skins
are worth from #1 to $5 each,according
to their size and condition, This
mountain back of my house is fairly
alive with rattlesnakes; thousands of
them live therein their lairs in the cre
vasses of the rocks. One day last year I
started out below my bouse, and in
two hours and a half caught twenty
two rattlers and a black snake. I
catch the snakes with a hook or snare,
and put them into a bag, in which I
bring thorn homo. Do they ever bite
mo? Well, sometimes, but very sel
dom, as I know what a rattlesnake’s
bite is, and am always very careful
how l handle them. Six or seven times
they have been too smart for me, and
have Bti'nk their fangs into my hands,
but T am alive yet, for I have an infal
lible cure for the poison. The bites
always leave a scar, though, as you
will see by tin: back of my baud.”
This hand has a number of small,
deep scars, which look like a very pro
nounced pockmark, and these, the
“rattlesnake man” declares arc the
results of the bites ho has received.
The “infallible” cure which Mr. Geer
used is compounded by himself. Oor
tuin it is ho has been called upon many
times to save people who have been
struck by the poison-laden fangs of
rattlesnakes, and his remedy has never
failed to cure.
No less weird and interesting than
the man is his rude loghouse, which is
always tho home of from a dozen t°
thirty or more of the venomous rep
tiles. These are kept in boxes, and
many of them are very tame, actually
seeming to be very fond of their mas
ter. It does not take tiro old man
long to subdue these wild creatures,
and ho often has them crawling about
tho floor while he smokes liis pipe and
meditates. Ho is fond of having vis
itors come to see his pets, though few
people can bo persuaded to entor this
den of rattlers and black snakes. This
amuses the old man, as long asssoci
ation has taken away every vestige of
fear of having them harm him, and he
thinks no more of handling the rep
tiles than if they were playful kittens
— [New York Times.
Excitements of Mexican Agriculture.
At the Casa Cainadra are two other
log houses, and in them live some
squalid, yellow-hided humaris who are
to form a little stretch of bottom-land
tiiis year. They require work steers
to do their ploughing, and Mr. Bell
has brought up half a dozen vicious
old “stags,” which are both truculent
and swift of foot. The Mexicans in
sist. that they are not able to handle
them ; and Mr. Bell orders his punch
ers into action. After a lot of riding
and yelling they are herded and
dragged into tho enclosure, where they
huddled while seven punchers sat on
their ponies at the gate. I was stand
ing at. one corner of tho corral, near
two men, when out from the midst of
the steers walked a big black bull,
which raised its head and gazed direct
ly at me. The bull had never before
in his stupid life observed a man on
foot, and I comprehended immediately
what ho would do next, so I “led out”
for the case at a rate of speed which
the boys afterwards never grew weary
of commending. No spangled torero
of the bull-ring ever put more heart
aud soul into his running than
did I in my great coat and long hunt
ing spurs. The bull made a “fo’hwn
hope” for the gate, and the gailant
punchers melted away before the
charge.
The diversion' of the ptltiohers made
the retreat of the infantry* possible,
and from an entrenched position I saw
the bulls tear over the htiijs, : witll the
punchers “rolling their tails 1 '. behind.
After an hour of swearing and haul
ing and bellowing, the six cuttle
lugged back to the pen, and the bars
put up. Tile ' punchers'cauio’ Wound
to congratulate me on my rapid recov
ery t'vom a sprained iiukkq jvhen they
happened to observe the cattle ttg%in
scouring off for tile open country.
Then there was a grunting of ponies
•as the spurs went in, some hoarse
oaths, and for the third time they tore
away after the “gentle work-oxen.”
The steers had taken the bars in their
stride. Another hour’s chase, and this
time the animals wore thrown down,
trussed up like turke/s for the baking,
and tied to posts, where they lay to
kick and bellow the night through iu
impotent rage. The punchers coiled
their ropes, lit their cigarettes and
rode off'in the gathering gloom. The
morning following the steers'were let,
up, and though wet and chilled, they
still roared defiance. For agricultural
purposes a Mexican “slug” would be
as valuable as a rhiuocero.s, or a Bangui
tiger, and 1 await with interest the re
port of the death rate at the Casa Cu
madra during spring ploughing. —
[Harper’s Magazine
A (Juror Marriage (Ic'renfony.
They have n queer betrothal custom
among tho common natives or peons
of Guatemala, which is scarcely ro
mantic for the girl. I was passing the
hut of a native on a finea or coffee
plantation one day when I saw an old
woman belaboring ha* dmtffHicr with
a good-sized stick, which slie applied
vigorously across the shoulders
and body of her beloved offspring,
who set up n wail of woe and pain,
though I fancy her teari} were quick
dried, for it was n significant event for
her. This is the way tho old lady gave
her consent to the marriage of her
daughter.
The natives receive but little cash
during the year. The priests charge
what is there considered a good sum,
for performing a marriage eerembny;
and the natives of the lower classes
dispense with it. The mother beats
the daughter, there is a feast of fn
joles and turtilla cakes and the dispen
sation of unlimited quantities of na
tive whiskey, everybody -is happy and 1
drunk, and that constitutes the ana*- •
ringe, which, singular as it may ap
pear, is regarded'and‘'(ftrserverl;‘as a
rule, faithfully.— [Goldwaite’s Geo
graphical Magazine.
When Plants Decide to Walk.
The first of a course of lectures on
locomotion and fixation in plaqts, hirI
animals was delivered at tho Royal In-.
stitution by Prof." Stewart Fnllerian,
Professor of Physiology. The leu
turer said locomotion was necessary’,
whether in plants or animals, at some
period of their lives, to prevent inju
rious overcrowding, and to enable the
one or the other to obtain such neces
saries of life as food and air. Loco
motion was in solids, in water, and in
air. The first head was subdivided
into: Creeping—the greater part of
the body usually, in contact- with itj
support; walking and runmag-x-the
body being supported 6n[ ilfid Trfoved
by, special parts; jumping—the body,
being projected suddenly . from its
support or position of.regt,;.,. olimjiing,
or prehension for locomotion by proxy
—tho organism ascending •» vertical
or overhanging support, or becoming
attached to some moving object; bur
rowing, digging, boring; 'rhabsorp
tion of hard parts/fixation. Locomo
tion in water was subdivided into
floating and swimming; and thftt in
air was also subdivided into.,passive,
actiVe,flying. —[ Westminister Gaactte.
A Bead-Letter Office Slory.
Among the curiosities in the musieiufi
is a baby Jumbo with one qf his sides
gorgeously embroidered in the Btars
and Btripes, and tho other (taunting
(he Union Jack, the two united’ by a
golden chain. It had drifted thither,.
and liuil been for several,, years, es
conced in its glass-case, when a - postal
exhibit was begged from' the ’depart
ment for a church' fair, anil for' the
first time Jumbo went out for nil air
ing. It so happened that a lady from
New Hampshire was yijjitifig Wushiug
at the time and went to the fair.
To the surprise of her friends; she
greeted Jumbo as a long lost friend.
Ten years before she had made him’
and sent him to her daughter in’ /Eng
land, who had married a man named
Link—hence the “design 'of the two
flags linked'’together. But she .dijl:
not claim her possession, and so" lie
lias never made his journey across the,
ocean.—[St. Nicholas. .’a.
A midshipman in the United Slates
navy receives pay equi valent to that of
» lieutenant in thfi British navy.
NO. 20.
When ton Mull Com•.
Pear, when,you shall 00 * 00 . again,
lteaoo sliftllniuila and part V, eh pain;
billies blossom tu the way
When' the frost was yesterday!
Stromas sing sweet by hill and plain,
Deuet- when you sbalLoome again!
•' DemvwAeii yon'shall coma again,
lloses wit If the crimapa »!uiu
Khali ('limb soft to kiss your cheek
And youPlovelieCHps shall seek!
Weeping shall the rose remain,
Hear? ’till you shall come'again!
Hear, when you shrill some again,
If tffe'A’ffltet' winds complain,
IT -bell h'Mid,tU''tn not, not hoar.
With my arms around you, dear!
Hove ahull kiss you, her in vain—
Hoar! when you shall come again I
— AtlnntaCoustltutlolfc
HUMOROUS
“ vA
After a fashion—Women
•Won’t take water—A new towel.
One good way of getting out of a
scrape is to let your beard grow.
Minister.—Tommy, what .is . happi
ness? Tommy (promptly)—It’s when
you’re eatiu’.
“Wlnit a weary' look that young
woman has. ” “Yes t she married the
man she wanted.”
She—Yam have broken tho promise
yon made me. Ho—Never mind,dear,
I’ll make you a new one.
It is with some men as it is with
some fences< they amonnt to little un
til thcy’get a gate on thorn.
Minnie—Which would you rntliei
be—awfully good or awfully beauti
ful? Mamie—I’d rather he awfully
rich. ____
He—1 want to marry a women who
I know knows more than I do. She—
'Well, if she is wise she will never let
you know it.
* ‘Say, mamma, way is it papa always
speaks of money as ‘cold cash?’ ” “i.
guess because it gives him a chill to
part with it. ”
“How do you manage to get so
many people interested in yonr wel
fare?” “Easy enough. I borrow
money of them.”
W.—How do you tell the age of a
hen? V.—By the teeth. W.-A ken
hasn’t any teeth. V.—No, but I have.
—[Chiottgo Herald.
“How did you learn that old Kicker
would make a good ‘addition to our
football team?” Dodger—I asked him
{or his daughter's hand.
Seedy inventoiG-H’vo got an ides
that’-s Vftrttr ■millions, sir ! Capitalist
—What do you want for it? Seedy
inventor—About a dollar.
Misa- Trail—I love to hear thd
birds sing. Jack Downright (warmly)
• --Sc xlo L--- They never attempt a
t pieecrbeyon d their ability.
surely must be safe to s
" Without least
the transg
That he who “gives hlms
Has lost his sell-posse*
Boston waiter (to outside barbarian,
who tucks his najtkin in his neck)-—
Pardon me, sir, but there is no sham
'poo goes with this dinner.
Footer—Do you know enough about
football to • umpire? Outeun—I did
once-; but I know enough about tho
game now not to do so again.
• . * a*r lost,
,,-“A good deed is never re.
marked the .minister, “Of course
not,” replied Mr, Townlot; “it is
placed on record as title-to the pro
perty.”
Imagine j.(i/' torturing hesitation of
the average small boy trying to decide
whether he would rather go to a real
circus or see his litt-io brother get ®
licking.
/“It is' mot. all sunshine, my boy,
marrying a brilliant woman.” “Why
not?” “Because you are always re
ferred to as Mrs. Flaring Light’s little
,husband.”
* BcffbWer- 1 -!' say, doctor, 'what’s
this swelling at the back of my neck?
Doctor' (Irish)—Oh,' it’s nothing seri- *
ous, but I should advise you to keep
.
your eye.on it. . ..
Husband—Didn’t 1 tell you that was
a secret and you wero not to tell it to
anyone'? Wife 1 —Yon told me it was a
se<iretj' but you did not say I was not
.to tejl.it to iin.youO.
Curren ' Tu’ether — Doesn’t this
weather.beat anything you ever saw?
Ole (Jy Btiug,bi1.unt : —No, sir; it does
pot! I'd have you understand, sir,
that no weather beats anything I ever -
-saw, • l
“T 'don’t think it’s the least use to _
propose her name fo the Sowing So
ciety.’" ’■“JL.kSW, .sjie’s blit a she,.won’t good worker :J|
and”—. say 3
.a, word eve* -agginst the peoplo she
•* J
,
. i
; ^‘/Bcssie^»^,uyuiy: mater*; hak.yo nr
new -Idayw.^^x-rv^.. " Hied tb-?ool'-me Ghh by one, q
mamma. He say
ing that he had two half-sisters, but I 7
guess he didn't know that 1 studied
fractions.