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2 knocking Down a Wife for Twenty Shil lingH. The Annual Register for 1832 gave an ’account of a singular wife sale. Joseph Thomson, a farmer, after a brief married life of three years, finding that the union was irksome, agreed with his wife to sep arate. Acting upon the prevalent notion that by puttmg his spouse up to auction, and so parting with her, the marriage bonds were legally unloosed, he came to Carlisle land by the bellman announced the sale. At noon the auction commenced in the ■presence of a large number ol persons; the 'wife, a spruce, lively damsel of about two and twenty years of age, being placed on a large oak chair, with a halter of straw round her neck. Thomson then spoke as •'follows: “Gentlemen, I have to offer to your no tice my wife, Mary Anne Thomson, other wise Williams, whom I mean to sell to the highest and fairest bidder. Gentlemen, it is her wish, as well as mine, to part for ever. She has been to me only a born ser pent. I took her for my comfort and the ;good of my home, but she became my tor mentor, a domestic curse, a night invasion and a daily devil. Gentlemen, I speak truth from my heart when I say may God deliver us from troublesome wives and frolicsome women! Avoid them as you would a mad dog, a roaring lion, a loaded .pistol, cholera morbus, Mount -Etna or any other pestilential thing in nature. Now, I have shown you the dark side of my wife, and told you of her faults and failings; I will introduce the bright and sunny side of her, and explain her qualifications and goodness. She can read novels and milk cows; she can laugh and weep with the same ■ease that you could take a glass of ale when thirsty. She can make butter and scold the maid; she can sing Moore’s melodies, and plait her frills and caps; she cannot make rum, gin or whisky, but she is a good judge of the quality from long experience in tast ing them. I therefore offer her with all her perfections and imperfections for the sum of ■SO shillings.” The sequel of the story is that after wait ing about an hour, Thompson knocked down the “lot” to one Henry Mears for :20 shillings and a Newfoundland dog, and the parties separated, being mutually iplAsed with their bargain.—All the Year •Round. What It Costs to Smoke. Hartford Times. One of our highly respected and wealthy ■citizens, now over 80 years of age, has made ■an interesting calculation as to the cost of ■the cigars he has smoked during his life ’tirne. He began to smoke when quite young, and has always used the very best ■quality of cigars. The period of his smok ing covers 67 years. He knows the amount he has expended, and calculates the sum (invested in cigars every six months, and placing it at compound interest, at 6 per cent., on the basis of the sav ings bank calculations, he finds that the total sum now amounts to $200,000. It seems like an enormous sum to have been wasted in smoke. But the gentleman who lias been a success!’! business manager and methodical in keeping his accounts, spent a igood many hours in making up his cigar ac ‘Counts, and he is satisfied that ’the sum of $600,000, including the interest ■compounded once in six months, is correc’, $He Thought He was Entitled to the Usual Percentage. Galveston News. Sam Oppenheimer was one of the passen gers on the San Saba stage that was robbed few weeks ago. “Shell out your money or off goes the top •of your head,” remarked one of the robbers, folding a pistol under Sam’s nose. “Three hundred dollars vash every cent I igot, so hellup me shiminy grashus,” ex ■claimed Sam. “Hand ’em over.” Sam did so, keeping back $6. “ What are you keeping back them $6 >for ?” mildly inquired the robber, pressing ihis pistol against Sam’s head. “Mine Gott, don’t you let a man take out 2 per cent, ven he advances money without 'securities ?” asked Sam. Making a Mash Without a Wink or Smile Either. Wife: “That’s what they call a mash, is it?” Husband smiles but says nothing. Wife: “I saw you wink at her.” Husband says nothing. Wife: “It was a mash, wasn’t it?” Husband, exultingly: “I guess so.” Wife: “Well, when I get you home I’ll Snake a mash myself, and it won’t be done ■with a wink or smile either. I’ll make it with this umbrella' I’ll make it over your ■head.” He Explains How He Got a Black Eye. St. Louis Post. “Johnnie, have you been fighting?” grave lly inquired Mrs. Muggins. “No, ma’am,” promptly answered the heir ■of the Mugginses. “John Muggins, how dare you tell me an ■untruth!” exclaimed his mother. “Where ♦did you get that black eye, sir ?” “I traded another boy two front teeth and ’a broken nose for it,” replied Johnnie as he ■Crossed the woodpile. “BOUGH ON TOOTHACHE.” Instant relief for Neuralgia, Toothache I-'aceache. Ask for “Bough on Toothache. 1.5 and 25c. Strange World This, ■And some funny people in it, too. You Siave all come in contact with some that are never satisfied. They grumble from •morning until night—we heard a man ■even grumble in bed. That man would grumble at any thing arid every thing, without reason; but this week we heard sa gentleman grumble with good reason. He bought a suit of clothes and paid a ■good old fashioned price for it, and, hap pening to come into the “Famous,” he 'was shown a suit of the same class of sgoods, and our price was $8 less than he had paid. That gentleman had good rea son to find fault, and grumbled at his bad luck; but it will be a good lesson to liim, and he will buy of the “Famous” next time. We are through taking stock, and now comes our annual clearing sale. We will sell you anything in our line at manufacturers’ cost. Our prize system lias worked charmingly, and we made •dozens of people happy by giving them We will keep it up. Call, and xve will not only give you better goods, cheaper than you can buy any where, but give a prize to every twentieth purchaser in the bargain. “Famous,” 140 Congress «.Teet. THE SAVANNAH DAILY TIMES, TUESDAY, JANUARY 20, 1885. Closing Ont! : I I have yet a large stock of goods left, and many flue articles suitable for ■.New Year OR ■ Wedding Presents! L I am bound to close out the entire stock, . and bargains can therefore be had in Gold and Silver Watches, DIAMOND GOODS, Silver Plated Ware -AN D— FITSTE JEWELRY Os every description. toij is no moi CALL AT ONCE. A. W. MEYER, _2O_BROUGHTON STREET, imwi Call and see the handsome display OF Holiday Goods AT Crockery House —OF JAMES S. SILVA, Lyons Block, 140 Broug-hton Street. tW- The largest variety of medium priced goods for Holiday or Wedding Presents in theclty. ’’ThTiTTiiTTi’iT’’"’’’ Pipe smoking ia the real test of a tobacco. It is the regal way of smoking. You get more directly at the flavor and fragrance. You take the smoke cooler, and the tonic cleanlier and saf6r. Pipe smoking is smoking reduced to a fine art. i The more the question of adulterated tobacco forces itself on the attention of smokers, the more desirable it becomes to know precisely what you are smoking. In Blackwell’s Bull Durham Smoking To ■ I bacco you have a guarantee, . always, that it is Nature’s A own unadulterated product. Its fragrance, flavor, and unsurpassed quality, are de ll rived from the soil and air. Try it, and you will be sat- 1 I ffflJl M isfied. None genuine with- UMMmF out trade-mark of the Bull. Jul All successful Fishermen and Sports men smoke Blackwell’s Bull Durham mSg Smoking Tobacco, and they enjoy it K -j GUNS -AND— CITLEKY. ROGERS’ and RUSSELL’S Fine Table Knives, Fine Carvers and Steels, in Sets. A full line of Fine Pocket Knives. A full line of Fine Scissors. ■WThe largest stock of BREECH-LOADING Guns and Kiiles Ever offered in Savannah. For sale Low by PALMER 14HLOS. 148 Congress and 151 St. Ju.ian street. COAL ’ Fresh from the Mines, PROMPTLY DELIVERED. Full and liberal weight guaranteed. Orders by mail, telephone or given to our drivers promptly attended to. Knickerbocker Ice Co., 141 BAY STREET. BEAUTIFUL ROSES, LOVELY GERANIUMS, EXQUISITE HELIOTROPES, GRAND CHINESE PRIMROSES, FINE PANSY PLANTS, Cut Flowers and artistic Designs, furnished to order at Wagner'S Nursery, Thunderbolt road, or GARDNER’S, 30J4 BULL S TREET' A Young Piano 1 ■ui Organ Factory MT.B.N.McoioßeiurnstcSa?anna!i I We are pleased to announce to our patrons that Mr. H. N. Moore, who left us in ay last to superintend the manu facture of Upright Pianos in Chickering & Son's factory at I Boston, has resigned his posi -1 tion there and is again with us, and will, in future, attend to our city tuning. His skill in his profession is so well known 1 in this community, that the bare announcement of his re- I turn is all that is needed. We have also with us Mr. E. S- Dopson, a practical Piano Maker, Repairer and Tuner, who has for many years manufactur ed Pianos in New York upon his own ac count, and has practical experience in every branch of their construction. In the line of Repairing, Regulating and Tuning Pianos, Mr. Dopson has no superior, and work entrusted to him will be done as well as any factory. The Tuning and Repairing of Church and Parlor Organs is attended to by two ex- I perienced workmen, who have had long ex perience in this class of work. Several of the largest church organs in this city are now under their charge. Still another workman is employed in Polishing and Varnishing Pianos and Or gans. In this branch, long experience has , made them perfect, and old and defaced cases are restored and made as bright as new. No patent polish is used, but the work is done precisely the same as at the actofy. I Repairs upon Small instruments, such as ■ Violins, Guitars, Accordoins, Drums, Or guinettes, Banjos, Brass Instruments, etc., etc., are done by another skilled workman, who devotes his entire time to this class of work. With this force of six Experienced Work men, a complete stock of toolsand repairing materials, with every facility that is found in any factory, and all under our direct con trol and supervision, we are prepared to execute all work entrusted to us in the best POSSIBLE MANNER, AND AT REASONABLE prices. This department of our business has never before been so completely organized, and we are now ready for all the work that the city and vicinity can offer. If more workmen are needed we will supply them. Next the Piano Factory, and that’s not far off. Ludden & Bates Music House. T ORIGINAL J? «r ;” ffhos.C.’WilUanis & Co. RICHMONO.VA. FOR SALE BY i 1 mm & sob., Comer Bryan & AberconSts. SAVANNAH, - - - GA. m inu m A Useful Trade, Easily Learned. Is I» 1f ru dt»Q ft/x In order to meetia 4 XVA’ /fj long felt want for a convenient and portable PLATING APPA RATUS, with which any one can do the finest quality ol Gold, Silver and Nickel Plating on Watches. Chains, Rings, Knives, Forks and Spoons, I have made the above low.prlced set, consisting of Tank, lined with Acid-Proof Cement, 'Three Cells of Battery that will de posit 30 penny-weights of metal a day, Hang ing Bars, Wire, Gold Solution, one quart of Silver Solution and half gallon of Nickel. Also a box of Bright Lustre, that will give the metal the bright and lustrous appearance ot finished work. Remember, these solutions are not exhausted, but will PLATE any num ber of articles if the simple Book of Instruc tions is followed. Any one can do it. A woman’s work. FOR FIFTY CENTS EXTRA will send Six Chains or Rings that can be Gold Plated and sold for Two Dollars more than the whole outfit costs. Our Book, “GOLD AND SILVER FOR THE PEO PLE," whlchoffers unrivaled Inducements to all, sent FREE. If not successful can be re turned and exchanged for MORE THAN £ TtS VALUE. REMEMBER, this is a practical outfit and 1 will warrant it, or it can be re turned at my expense. Will be sent C. O. D. if desired, upon receipt of S 1.50, balance to be collected when delivered. Next size outfit, with Tank 12x10x6, only *5.00. TRY IT. Profits, over 300 per cent. BOOK SENT FREE. Address. Frederick Lovey, 96 & 98 Fulton St., New York. 1 SAVANNAH DAILY TIMES 94 BRYAN STREET, Savannah, - - Georgia. ‘ TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. 2 ONE YEAR,S6 00. SIX MONTHS, 3 <o. { THREE MONTHS, i S o. ; SUNDAY TIMES. t ONE YEAR, ... - i Ji 50. . SIX MONTHS, .... . 75 . > 1 FULL TELEGRAPHIC SERVICE, COMMERCIAL REPORTS OF ALL THE LARGE MARKETS. 1— i Special attention given to the e I SAVANNAH MARKET. Reliable quotations of Cotton, Produce, Naval Stores and Stocks and ’ Bonds. f OUR MOTTO. The interests of Savannah, Georgia, the South, s and the Country. i s ‘ ALL THE DEPARTMENTS ARE COMPLETE. e Editorials on current topics, independent in opinion and vigorous in expression. The cream of the news from our exchanges. s -A. LOCAL > FRESH, SPARKLING AND NEWSY. r effort spared to keep the Daily Times in the front rank of Journalism, j Communications addressed to r » B. H. RICHARDSON, ! Editor and General Manager. TIMES Steam Printing Establishment. Our JOB DEPARTMENT is stocked with the Latest Styles of Type, and is prepared to execute orders for Mercantile, Commercial AND RAILROAD PRINTING! Os every description, promptly and at reasonable prices. SEND FOR ESTIMATES AND SPECIMENS. A FIRST-CLASS BINDERY. BLANK BOOKS LEDGERS, DRAY BOOKS, CHECK BOOKS, RECEIPT BOOKS, Manufactured in the very best style. Binding of every description done in a superior and substantial manner. Orders by Mail promptly attended to. SAVANNAH TIMES PUBLISHING GO., B. H. RICHARDSON, President and General Manager. 94 Bryan St., - ■ Savannah, Qa. LEGAL DIRECTORY. | T. M. NOBWOOD, Attorney and Conneelloe at Law, 111 Bay street, np stairs. W. 8. Chisholm. B. G- Ebwim. CHISHOLM * ERWIN, Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, Aberoorn street, cor. St. Julian and Bryan. Wm, Gabbabd. P. W. Mbldbim. Emtt.b Newman. GABBARD A MELDRIM, Law Offices, 135 and 137 Bay street. R. R. Richards. Wm. M. Heywabb. RICHARDS 4 HEYWARD, Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, 8 Drayton street. RUFUS B. TJESTEB. THOMAS P. RAVENEL LESTER 4 RAVENEL, Attorneys and Counsellors-at-Law, 3 Whitaker st J. B. BAUSBY, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Office, 6J Drayton street. B. A. Dbnmabk. 8. B. Adams Wm. Lbß. Gignilliat. DENMARK 4 ADAM*. Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, 105 Bay street. GEORGE A. MERCER, Law Office, Comer Drayton and Bryan streets, over Southern Bank. W. G. Chablton. W. W. Mackall, CHARLTON & MACKALL, Attorneys-at-Law. Office, corner Bull and Bay streets, Up stairs. ROBERT FALLIGANT, Law Office, 120 Bryan street, up stairs. Alex. R. Lawton. Henry C.Cunningham Alex R. Lawton, Jr. LAWTON & CUNNINGHAM, Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, Office, 114 Bryan street, up stairs. J E Wooten. A H MacDONELL WOOTEN & MACDONELL, Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, Office, 118 Bryan street. WALLACE W. FRASER, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, 118 Bryan Street ISAAC BECKETT, Attorney at Law and Conveyancer. 12 Whitaker street. HENRY MCALPIN, Attorney at Law. 'Will attend to business promptly at 135 Bay street. H. R. JACKSON. J. L. WHATLEY JACKSON 4 WHATLEY, Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, 118 Bryan Street. M. J. O’CONNOR, Attorney-at-Law, No. 3 Whitaker street. CHARLES M. TYSON, Attorney-at-Law. 7 Dryaton_street, - Cver Southern Bank. JOHN W. WILSON, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Over Southern Bsnk. F. G. DnBIGNON, Law Office, 120 Bryan street, up stairs. WM. CLIFTON, Law Office, No, 1 Bull street, up stairs. J. J. ABRAMS, Law Office, 116 Bryan street. A. MINIS, Jb. Law Office, 5 Drayton street, ». J. O’CONNOR, Law Office, 108 Biyan street. GEO. E. BEVANS, " Attorney-at-Law. Mice, corner Whitaker and Bryan street*, Up stairs. M. A. O’BYRNE, Law Office, 108 Bryan street. N. C. Law Office, No. 3 Bull street, up stairs. RICHARD F. JOHNSTON, Attorney-at-Law, No. 1 Bull street, up stairs. JOS. A. CRONK, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, ill Bay street. JOHN SULLIVAN Attorney-at-Law, 118 Bryan st. CHARLES N. WEST, Attorney-at-Law, Bryan street, over Southern Bank. W. HAMPTON WADE, Attorney-at-Law, 8. L. LAZARON, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, 101 Bay street. Philip M. Russell. B. Wayne Russeli P. M. & R. W. BUSSELL, Attorneys at Law, Northeast corner Bryan and Whitaker. CUKE FOR PILES. Mqfrsymptom of Piles is at UfiSht after getting waja! jmis i fipleasant sensation is iinm VU ■ved by an application of ile Remedy. Piles iu all forms, Itch, Salt Iheum and Ringworm can be permanently ured by the use of this great remedy. Price j(I cents. Manufactured by The Dr. Booanko Medicine 00., Piq ua, u. Sold by Osceola Butler and E. J. Kieffer.