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MRS. ARTER’S EXPERIMENT. How She Trlfd to Rival Lulu Hurst’s Electric Fea's. No genuine home-made woman will ever allow any woman to get ahead of her if she can help it. They are strange creatures in this respect, and when Mrs. Arter read the other day how Lulu Hurst could jerk the mainspring out of an umbrella by a simple touch of the band, and sling grown men about as if they were babies, she then and there made up her mind that she had just as much electricity about her as Lulu Hurst, or Lulu anybody else. Yonng Tom, who had seen Peck’s Baa Boy played here, en couraged the old lady in thinking she could twist an umbrella wild west and crooked, and the two lit on me the first thing as the proper subject to practice on. When 1 went home that night the old lady was as bright and chipper as a new girl at a base ball. Her unusual spryness al most took my breath away, but when I saw Tom dart behind the door to straighten his crooked face I knew there was some devil ment up of some sort. I didn’t seem to say anything, but kept my eyes open. After supperl began to see symptoms of theeariln quake. Tom was tip toeiug around the house trying to hide a grin, and every now and then looking at me as if I was about to sit down on a pin or something of that sort After Mrs. Arter had skinned the clothes off the baby, and |swaddled it in its gown and laid it down to sleep, she told me that she had discovered that she was a second Lulu Hurst. I thought perhaps she had made the discovery sure enough, and in less time than half a second the Arter family was rich enough to go to the exposition and live like lords the balance of our days. In that half a second I bought the finest house in town, horses, carriages, box of fine cigars and was the blooming president of a base ball club. I could almost feel my blood getting richer and richer. Then I thought this thing ought to be investigated, so I said: “Show me how, honey !” When I called her honey she knew I was half converted, I was ripe enough to call her daisy if she had just hinted it. So I got up to see the exhibition. We went out in the hallway where the noise wouldn’t wake up the baby, and Tom handed me an open umbrella to hold. “I’m ; oing to get out of the way,” said Tom, and he ran in the next room. I grip ped the hanale and held the umbrella up as if a heavy rain was blowing right against me, and then Mrs. Arter stepped up. She put her hand to her face to brush a bang from before her eyes, just as Miss Hurst does, and then she placed one finger on the handle. The very second sjie did this the umbrella wns jerked out of my hand with such force as to stagger me, but I caught it again and held on. It was all I could do to keep it from being sent to the ceiling, and then Mrs. Arter giggled a little half giggle just like Lulu does. I was satisfied now that my wife was chock-full up to the chin with electricity, and our fortune was made. I only wished she was better look ing, for I didn’t think any large and en thusiastic audience would consider my wife as good looking as Mrs. Langtry, but one thing was certain—she was electric. Sht could make an umbrella think it had been struck by lightning. Tom thought the danger was over, and he came out of the next room and put away the umbrella. Th“ chair trick was next on the prog: * ame. Now you have : o id a how mucti thinkiug was going on in mv brain while I was monkeying around with that umbrella. Hanged if I wasn’t happy —I was worse than happy; I was wild. I was wild enough to paint the sky red. Il anybody had come in and offered me S4O, 000 for my wife I would have refused it with a scornful sneer. fom put the chair in position. Fact is, Tom acted as the old lady’s manager, so to speak. ..With a little practice he’d be a first class doorkeeper for a side-show. Well, he put the chair in position, and 1 sat down in the attitude of a young man at prayer-meet ing with his girl. I told Mrs Arter that if there was any danger of the chair tilting over to touch it lightly. She promised she would. Women will promise anything, though. When I was well seated, and had worked up a becoming smile, Tom ran in the next room to avoid consequences. Awful cautious boy is Tom. He would go four blocks out of the way of a dog that was chained up. Mrs. Arter was as proud as ape mock and walked like Mary Anderson walks when she plays Juliet. I never saw a woman get so proud all of a sudden. You’d thought she was Vanderbib’s wife .to have seen her step up to where I was sitting in that chair, and before I knew whether I was in Macon or with Chinese Gordon I was on the floor. My head struck against the hall table and knocked over the lamp. The lamp ex ploded and the carpet caught fire, and the blaze ran all over the hall. I rushed out on the back porch to get water and Mrs. Arter screamed loudly enough to be heard iu Fort Valley, and the baby woke up and squalled like somebody had sat down on it, and Tom hollered for another length of hose, and the neighbors rushed in to looked at the fire and ask what was the matter, and when I got back to the see; e there were enough people in the house to run a protracted revival. The house was in danger and I dashed a bucket of water on the flames and put out the fire, leaving the crowd in the dark. Knowing that Mrs. Arter was Subject to hysterics when under great excitement, I groped my way in the dark to where she was, put my arm around her waist and kissed her as I used to forty years ago, when she had good teeth. While I was whispering reassuring words in her ear and calling her daisy and other sweet names, Tom came in the hall with another lamp, and then there was thunder to pay sure enough. I was kissing one of the neighbors I Mrs. Arter made a pass at me, and if she ever had electricity in her she had it then. When I woke up she was standing over me l with the coal-scuttle. I feebly protested against further brutality, but she gave me one lick with the scuttle just by way of a souvenir of the occasion. I pulled the last piece of coat-plaster off yesterday. The black lump on my brow still remains, and the vacancy among my upper front teeth has not been filled yet, but I have made an important discovery. I may say two important discoveries. First is, that Mrs. Arter possesses about as much elec tricity as a lamp post; and secondly, that young Tom played a trick on both of us. He had tied a fine wire to the top of the um» brella and run the wire through the wali over a pulley. When the old lady touched the handle he jerked the wire, and the um brella struck the ceiling. As to the chair THE SAVANNAH DAILY TIMES, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1885. trick, he simply detached the wire from the u übrella and hooked it on to the back of the chair We will not go the exposition. We will stay at home an 1 wonder what on earth will become of that boy. Tom Arter. THE m ■ ■ FOR 1885. ia Hcnsst mi Ftirliss Umpiptr. THE ABLEST, THE CHEAP EST, THE BEST. ACCURATE IN ITS NEWS, STEADFAST FOR THE RIGHT, UNSPARING IN THE EXPOSURE OF WRONG. To Mail Subscribers Postpaid. DAILY, exclusive c f Sunday, per year... 86 00 DAILY, including Sunday, per year 7 50 SUNDAY ONLY, per year 150 DAILY, 1 month, with or without Sunday 75 The Semi-Weekly Times. Single Copies, one year $2 50 The Weekly Times. Single Copies, one year.. 81 00 TERMS CASH IN ADVANCE. Remit in Postal Note’, or Postoffice Money Orders. We have no traveling agents. Sample copies sent ree. Address, THE NEW YORK TIMES, NEW YORK CITY. March Blizzard The United States Government Census Vol ume, 1 ust published, speaks of the “ RE MARKABLE SUCCESS” attending our “UNIQUE AND UNTIRING EFFORTS,” in pushing the American Agriculturist. It be gan the current year with a larger subscrip tion list than at any corresponding period in twelve years. The able corps of Editors, who have made the American Agriculturist a wel come visitor to thousands of Southern homes for a quarter of a century, are now bending all their energies to make the Journal, if possible, more interesting and valuable than ever to Southern readers. And you may rightly conclude that it Is Coming to Georgia, where it already has so many sub scribert? and friends, to quadruple its circula tion. For who will tail to embrace THIS UN PARA LLED OFFER ? A FAMILY CYCLOPAEDIA FREE.—Any person subscribing to the American Agri culturist (English or German) for 1885 whose subscription is promptly forwarded to us, together with the subscription price, SI 50 per year, and 15 cents extra for packing and post age on the Cyclopeedia, making $1 65 in all wil 1 receive the American Agriculturist for 1885, and be presented with the “America ■ Agriculturist Family Cyclopaedia, just out, 700 pages, 1,000 engravings. TWO MONTHS FREE—Every new sub scriber (and only new ones), who promptly forwards his subscrip lion in accordance with these conditions, can have his year’s sub scription date from March next, receiving free the numbers of the American Agri culturist for January and Februajy. TWO MAGNIFICENT EEGRAVINGS FREE.—Every such subscriber will also be presented, postpaid, with the magnificent plate Engravings “In the Meadow” and “Foes or Friends,” of which over eighty thousand have been sent for by our sub scribers. CYCLOPAEDIA, ENGRAVINGS, AND A DICTIONARY FREE.—To any one promptly forwarding us the name of a new subscriber to the American Agriculturist with §2 00, we will send Webster's Practical Dictionary, just out, 600,000 words. 1,400 illustrations, while to the new subscriber we will send the American Agriculturist for 1885, and also the Family Cyclopaedia, post free. Furthermore, on recsipt of fifteen cents extra, making §2 15 in all, 'nthis case for packing and postage we will forward the two engravings, “In the Meadows” and “Foes or Frier ds,” to the sender of the subscription, or to the sub scriber himself, as we may be directed. Men tion these oilers in writing. Send six cents (stamps), for mailing you specimen American Agriculturist; forty-page Premium List, with two hundred illustra tions, specimen pages of Cyclopaedia and Dic tionary, and full descriptions of the Engrav ings presented. CANVASSERS WANTED EVERYWHERE. Address, Publishers American Agriculturist. DAVID W. JUDD, SAM’L BURNHAM, President. Secretary. INVITATION! Call and see the handsome displ' OF Holiday Goods AT Crockery House OF JAMES S. SILVA, Lyons Block, 140 Broughton Street. The largest variety of medium priced oods for Holiday or Wedding Presents In heclty. G.R. HOHENSTEIN WM. H. PITT. HOHENSTEIN &;PITT, (Successors toJJ G. ;R. Hohenstein,) iKD CIS n No. 30% WHITAKER STJ W-Work done at the shortest notice and guaranteed at the lowest figures.; SAVANNAH DAILY TIMES 94 BRYAN STREET, Savannah, - - Georgia. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. ONE YEAR, $6 00. SIX MONTHS, 3 0. THREE MONTHS, - - - - - x so SUNDAY TIMES. ONE YEAR, ... fa 5 0. SIX MONTHS, .... . 75 FULL TELEGRAPHIC SERVICE, COMMERCIAL REPORTS OF ALL THE LARGE MARKETS. * Special attention given to the SAVANNAH MARKET. Reliable quotations of Cotton, Produce, Naval Stores and Stocks and Bonds. OUR MOTTO. The interests of Savannah, Georgia, the South, and the Country. ALL THE DEPARTMENTS ARE COMPLETE. Editorials on current topics, independent in opinion and vigorous in expression. The cream of the news from our exchanges. 2X LOCAL DEFA LET T TVI 33 ZKT U?, FRESH, SPARKLING AND NEWSY. Our JOB DEPARTMENT is stocked nth the Latest Styles of Typ« is prepared to execute orders fol Mercantile, Commercial AND RAILROAD PRINTI. Os every description, promptly and at reasonable prices. SEND FOR ESTIMATES AND SPECIMENS. A FIRST-GLASS BINDERY. BLANK BOOKS LEDGERS, DRAY BOOKS, CHECK BOOKS, RECEIPT BOOKS, Manufactured in the very best style. Binding of every description done in a superior and substantial manner. Orders by Mail promptly attended to. SAVANNAH TIMES PUBLISHING GO., B. H. RICHARDSON, President and General Manager. 94 Bryan St., - - Savannah, Ga LAND FOR SALE. Inside of the City Limits but Free from City Taxation for 8 Years. About 100 yards from Anderson street. Measures 128 feet 6 inches on the front, 122 feet 6 Inches on the rear, by 127 feet 6 inches deep. TERMS—One-fourth cash and balance In three years, with Interest at? per cent. C. H. DORSETT. AGUSTA, GEORGIA, LIBRARY BUILDI One of the Finest Institutions In the Uni ted States. Real Business transacted with Beal College Currency. Board In the city cheap. Time required from 3% to 4 months. Beautiful Diplomas awarded on completing Course in satisfactory manner. Send or Circular. For latest style fancy percale g Peccan iblrts L. Fried’s is the place. Downright Cruelty. To permit yourself and family to “Suffer!” With sickness when it can be prevented and cured so easily With Hop Bitters 11! Having experienced a great deal of “Troublel” from Indigestion, so much so that I came near losiug my lAJet My trouble always came after eating any food— However light And digestible, For two or three hours at a time I had to go through the most Excruciating pains, “And the only waj r I ever got” “Relief!” Was by throwing up all my stomach con tained. No one can conceive the pains that I had to go through, until “At last?” I was taken! “So that for three weeks I lay in bed and Could eat nothing! My sufferings were so that I called two doc tors to give me something that would stop the pain; their Efforts were no good to me. At last I heard a good deal “About your Hop Bitters ! And determined to try them.” Got a bottle—in four hours I took the con tents of One! Nextday I was out of bed, and have not seen a “Sick!” Hour, from the same cause since I have recommended it to hundreds of oth ers. You have no such “Advocate as I am.”—Geo. Kendall, Alls ton, Boston, Mass. Columbus Advocate, Texas, April 21, ’B3. Dear Editor—l have tried your Hop Bitters, a d find they are good for any complaint. The best medicine I ever nsed in my family. H. Talener, O-None genuine without a bunch of green Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile, poisonous stuff with “Hop” or “Hops” In their name. LEMONS AS*MEDICINE. They regulate the Liver, Stomach, Bowels Kidneys and Blood, and cure all Throat and Lung diseases as prepared by Dr, H. Mozley, In his Lemon Elixir and Lemon Hot Drops. LEMON ELIXI’t. Cures Indigestion, headache, malaria, kidney disease, fever, chills, loss of appetite debility and nervous prostration by regulating the Liver, Stomach, Bowels, Kidneys ami Blood. Lemon Elixir Is prepared from the fresh Juice of Lemons, combined with other veget able liver tonics, catha tics, aromatic stimu lants and blood purifiers. Fifty cents for one half pint bottle; one dollar for pint and a half bottle. Sold by druggists generally, and by all wholesale druggists. LEMON HOT DROPS. Cure all Coughs, Colds. Hoarseness, Sore Throat, Bronchitis, Pneumonia and all Throat and Lung Diseases tcept Consump tion, which disease it pa ites and greatly relieves. Price, 25 cents. by all drug gists. Prepared by Dr. H. Mozley, office UM Whitehall street, Atlanta, Ga. From a Prominent Lady. I have not been able in two years to walk or stand without suffering great pain. Since taking Dr. Mozley’s Lemon Elixir. I can walk half a mile without suffering the least incon venience. Mrs. R. H. Bloodworth, Griffin, Ga. For sale by LIPPMAN BROS., Druggists, Savannah, Ga. EVES’ l!i M® Wh it Evans & Ero. Say About Au Unauthorized Sale in Sa vannah by H. L. Schreiner. In recent advertisements we claimed Io be the Sole Authorized Agents for Evans’ 10-Cent Music, and that Mr. Schreiner had surrep tiously and underhandly obtained the small lot which he was selling under regular price and in direct violation of our rights. The follow ing letter from the Publishers shows our statement to be based on fact. Boston, Mass., Feb. 14,1885. Ludden & Bates Southern Music House : Gentlemen—We had, as we supposed, made arrangements whereby no music could be shipped by our Branches into your terri tory. The arrangement has been violated, but by whom we do not know. We are in vestigating, and will report as soon as possi ble. You may depend on our giving you full protection. We ha ve never printed a Catalogue for Mr. Schreiner, nor will we. The houses in Philadelphia, New York and other cities bear our name, and he has no doubt obtained a small lot of our music from one of these cities. Truly yours, W. A. Evans & Fro. What ay About the Matter Competition is the life of trade, and we don’t in the least object to it, when it is legi timate; but, when it degenerates into sheer piracy, through the practice of dishonorable methods, which no Dealer who duly respects himself or his calling will employ, we are certainly warranted in giving the public the facts in the case. As the Only Authorized Agents for Evans’ 10-Cent Music, we shall continue to sell it at the publishers’ regular price, lOcents per copy. We haven’t as yet got down to the level of a5-centmusic trade, and trust that we never m y so far forget ourselves and dis grace the music trade. Largs Additions io h 10c. Music Remember, that we bouerht at one purchase 40,000 copies of Evans Music, and have every piece that they publish on our shelves. Besides this we have thousands of copies ol Music from all publishers, which we sell at 10 cents per copy. And also 85,000 copies of Stoddard’s 10c. Musical Library—each number con taining three pieces of Music, making it the cheapest Music in the world. No Music House in America offers their patrons such a line of Cheap Music as we now show. Ludden & Bates MUSIC HOUSE. N. B.—Still giving away the 5-Cent Music. It’s just good enough for advertising pur poses. iimsw Renovated and dyed to look as well as new at 212 Broughton street near West Broad. GKO. R. DODGE. DRUGS AND MEDICINES IDVitK AHOyV Not that barque which spreads Its safer, the favoring gale and with every ca&xu drawing taut, sails the sea, a thing of IlteauU beauty, but that bark which comes from a cold and hastens the traveler to that port from whence there Is no return. For tht« bark use “COUGH AND LUNG BALSAM.”j- It is the best medicine ever presented for coughs, colds and hoarseness, and for four seasons has given entire satisfaction. Prioo 25 cents. Prepared only by „ DAVID PORTER, Druggirt. Corner Broughton and Habersham street* ~J. c. c. ’ J&j&nsss Chaasiag ta CLEANS CLOTHES, • Removes all Grease, Paints; Oils, Varnteh Tar, Dirt or Soils from any fabric without injury. FOR SALE BY J. R. Haitiwang-er,' Cor Broughton and Drayton streets, klsosoldby L. C. Strong and E. A. Knann To Clean Your Last Winter’s suit u t Anything Else Use “Household Cleaning Fluid.” It removes grease snots, stains, dirt, etc., from woolen, cotton, silk and laces, without injuring the most delicate fabric. Prepared only by DAVID PORTER, Druggist, Corner Broughton and Habersham street!. and livery Grray Eagle Livery and Boarding Stable, Corner Congress and Drayton. Just arrived and for sale, half car load a buggy and saddle horses. It. DeMartin & Son, Proprietors. ’ tanh Ciib, Livery S M SfflF Corner Drayton, McDonough and Hull st.' A. W. HARMON, Prop’r. Headquarters for fine Turn-Outs. Personal attention given to Boarding Horses. Tele, phone No. 205, LUMBER AND PALMETTO LOGS! 500 PALMETTO LOGS. APPLY AT D. C. BACON & CO.’S Office, 118 HAY STREET. BACON, JOHNSON & CO PLANING MILL, LUMBER AND WOOD YARD. LARGE STOCK OF] DRESSED :AND ROUGH LUMBER AT LOW PRICES IJ 43* Vegetable Crates on hand and made promptly to order. J. J. McDonough. T. B. Thompson. Ed. Bubdbtt. McDonough & co., Office: 1161 Bryan street. Yellow Pine Lumber. Lumber Yard and Planing Mill: Opposite S., F. & W. Railway Depot, Savannah, Ga. Saw Mills: Surrency. Ga., No. 6, Macon and Brunswick Railroad. Beans! Beans ! Beans! Imp wood White Spine Cucumber SEED, TOMATO, EGG PLANT, CORN, Alfulfa, Mixed Lawn and Bermuda Grass Seeds. JERUSALEM ARTICHOKES, Onion Sets, Onion Sets, A few of those Peas still on had. A fu.t line of Garden Seeds, offering by J. Gardner, Agent, 30% BULL STREET. GEO. M. HELMKEN, V ariety Bakery, Cor. South Broad and East Broad streets BREAD, CAKES and PIES ot all desorlp tlon. Wedding Parties supplied on reasonabi terms with the finest cakes. New Englan Bread a specialty. None genulu without ta label. 7