Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

Columbia Jjirnlincl. MB rtr -asr. . a —• • HARLEM. Gl ORS.I A PVIH IHIKt) *l7 >' / 111 A'/M >' Ballard «*• A.ilaluaon, I'KOI'IIIETOIU* One nationality* meal may another** poison. A* an cx|HTiinent, n company of Japanese *oldicr» wete fed on bread and soup, with an addition of l»cef at •upper, I 4 one month. At the end of that time each man find io»t in weight from three to seven imuiid*. Imagine a < •i.,|>mvof Anri i in soldier* submitting to lx* (<■ I ou rice for a month, a* an e»- p rim- tit, t tough! The Montana new«p*|>er» report that all the woo lyard* in that territory < n the Missouri river tire now controlled by Indiana, an 1 the price of the wood haa ln-en fixed nt $3 per < or I for < ttlonwood and $1 for asli, ami < tsh must be paid. Any captain whoatu mpta to get wood for lo** than there figures, or who "stand* the alt tr.gnea off," i* reported. No white man is allowed to cut ami sell wood on th" reservation. The Wool Journal says it does not kn >w u single argument in favor of sheep w ishing. The practice was inau gurate I nt an early day, mid it is a relict of oi 1 tim •*, when the wool shorn from tin- sin ni 11. k< ii th- Eastern States wt< I irg -!y ii* dupat h line. Thon it wa- !>■•«<• ity towash either Ircforc or aft-r hh'-aring, to prepare it for carding or spinning. Tho*: day* aro past, and b Ah th< ‘in-up and their owners ought to bo glad of it. It is a statement worth thinking on, •ays an ex< linnge, that “the man who pliici ■ a ton dollar advertisement in his lo< -:l paper and flutters himself that he is a IIIm tiil advertiser, will bi- surprised to learn that a yearly advertisement one column in length, in the Chicago Tribunt costa the advertiser $25,000. The New York II -raid receives for its lowest col umn $33,000, and for tha highest (334,000; and those papers, it is stated, are never at loss for advertising to till up their columns." Tin fence quasi on is one of great importance, as we have in the United htilrr (J 00 1,000 miles of fences, which have cost nearly $1,000,000,000, and have to be renewed nearly every fifteen years. It, however, interests most of tin- farmers, who havo the bulk of tlio labor to |M-rform, and cxminsi* to meet and tho timber to furnish for their con struction. The consumption of the lim it' r for this purpose interests every phil anthropist. It is reported that Ken tucky requires annually 10,000,000 of tree* to keep up her national fence, tha old Virginia rail. There is going to boa prohibition town in South Africa. An English newspaper relates that eighty emigrants, all total ulistainors, an- being sent out to Kassi iriu. Each of the number is to have 120 acres of laud and other help, and the 1 ttlc band bus been aelccted with the greatest care. If one of the most Iwautitul and richly gifted portions of South Africa be any aid to tho Mice -as i f this enterprise, tho prospects of tho <-xpedition arc virtually assured. Kaf iraria is beyond question tho moat fa vored spot in South Africa, It abounds in wood, grass mid water, nod is emi nently U'lapte.l for tin- raising of stock as well as for agriculture. It Is said that the slums of Berlin are worm' it pos-ible than either those of Paris oi Loudon, in tin- German c apital .« small number of houses am occupied by one or two families, but the great m ijority contain more Twenty five hun<ir<«si contain from 10 to 20 Io ping*, 23,000 from 20 to 30 lodging*, 10,000 over 30 lodgings cash. Seventy-five thousand of tliesu lodgings are composed of on< room only and inhabited by no fewer than 270,000 persons, which is an average of nearly four |xr-on* per room; 73,000 other lodgin ;s an- c imposed of two i xtrns iuid occupied by 300,000 in habitants, while the remaining 30,000 lodging* are formed of three rooms, in habited by 140,000 people. In tho poorer quarter the houses are so packed together as to It almost deprived of Hght. __________ An rxlmoriinarr murunj ha* be<*n tqtened in the Hur Viwque’in. in Paria. It eonfcfitulvs the ucw be ;ui quarters of M. or, and here are to be found cow bouei-a, stiecpfiddn, fowlwalks, rabbit hutches and dog kennels. They are all, moverover, hilly occupied, tin one floor >* a laboratory, w here the vaccine kou|W and preparations are made up. Above it a ninm-um, where specimen* conntxlcd with the new cure art exhibited. There are operating rooms and ro*xn* for post mortem tuv, atigatums and dissecting pur pose*. Two of tfn kcam-ls are devoted to dog* tn various interesting •Cage* of early or advanced rabbir*. "Hen cholera' it communicated, watched and cured in the fowl- house. The cattle exhibit va rious ajog'-tt of vaccination. Human be ing* have also their provided quarter. A •paciou* wa ting room i* set apart for patient*, who troop iu daily in pic turesque group.-* repr.-sent ng all nation nil ties. A Central American w riter «ay«: “The most beautiful tree 1 have ever seen ia the m ingo. It is thepe feet ideal of a trie, from 50 to Tibet iuluight, and spreading it* dark g <• in, feathery foliage over a < ireuaiferem e of 15) feet. It* shade is so den«-i that no ray of the fieri est tropical sou ever strikes the sjiot over which it st .nd* guard. It* long, drooping bough* give it the xha)xt of a huge uin irella of never-fading verdure. One tre< will bear from 3,000 to 5,000 mangoes .it a time. The fruit, which is heart or kidir-y-s!ia|e' I. weigh* from half a pound to a |hiuu<l. It has a akin like a p Hui, and is it bright golden yellow when ripe. It> flavor I* a combination of something like our plum, |x-ach, apple and grape, with a decidedly resin ous tinge. When < >oked it makes a delicious 'Central American apple sauce,’ unlike anything wo have in tho United State*." The steam whistle upon the locomotive, say* n mechanical journal, is always an object of interest. Each road lias it* series of signal*. The difference in the sound of the whistle is made by tho height of the b-11. When it is low, tho whistle is sharp. The whistle bells are regulated to somccxtcnt by the height of the locomotive*. How steam whistles are keyed: "There,” said the work man, taking down n peculiar looking casting, "is th part that rests on the plate; the steam comes up through it from the boiler At. this point is the valve. Into this dumber the steam enti-ri. Above thia is tho bell. The steam escapes around this narrow orifice nnd strike* this upper bell; the con struction is very unpin; the operation n i '-.«,iry lor tin- steam to rniike the im-chanism Whistle is just that which is requisite when y>u whistle ugain*t the blade of your knife." The Washington correspondent of the Cleveland f.’inlri-, an/l Herald say* tho foreign diplont de< at the national capital ar - better paid than our minister* ut for eign courts. Th- B.itisli minister occu pies one of the biggest houses in Wush inton, end one which has more roomi than the White House. He has nn al lowance for entertaining, and he receives a salary of $33,000 a year. The German nation owns a house there, and its min ister gets (40,000 a yenr. The Japanese ininistci receives $20,000 yearly, and he I* one o' the most valuable men in the diplomatic circles. Tho wealthiest for eign minister is the repretentative of t'liina. who always goes iilMiut in Chinese costume, and who has the reputation of being a great statesman at home. This man is Chang Yin Iluan, and his father was when he diod one of the richest men in China. Air. Huan has a half score of aluiond-eyed celestials to help him, and he pay* SII,OOO n yenr for house rent. The Turkish minister wears English clothes nnd n red fez cap when he ap pears on state occasions. He is a dark haired, dark-skinned mm, with oriental features. He lives much of the time in New York, and his salary is $40,000 yearly. Baron de Struve, the Russian minister, is put down as getting $30,000 yearly. He is a very abb’ min. —— > Two Booms al tho White House. The young wife's room is the scene of continued gayety during the hours when the President is attending to affairs of •lute. How different tho apartment which adjoins on the west I Visitors have often notic- l that the room is never opened. The curtains are tightly drawn and no one ever thinks of crossing its thre-hold. It was iuthis room that Gar field lived for months, torture ! by Assas sin GuiU-au’s bullet, while a nation hoped and prayed for a recovery that never came. Tho room is almost precisely as it was tho day when Garfield was taken from it and carried to Elberon, where ho breathed his last. President Arthur had u horror of the place. He gave orders that it rhou'd remain untouched as long os he was in the White House, and these orders were utrictly obeyed. President Cleveland has said nothing upon the topic ** yet, but it is understood that he, too, is loath to break the silence of that room which witnessed *o much suffering dur ing the long and wearis me summer months of 1881. The contrast between the two room* ia a most notable one life and dentil could furnish no stronger. —Trattllet. A Hnmorlat in the Bud. A pupil read the expression, "Arm* of these.*," in a v ry vague fashion. "What do you meat; -anything given ia charity I" "No, m'm." "Fire-arm*, perhapsf" ‘'Y.s, ni’m. ’ "Will you tell me (this rather impa tiently) any explosives frena the seal" "Shells." He was ret to the head in language. G illantry. Young Feathvrly had b-cn Imparting some information to Mr*. De Towner which tnt< rested that lady very much. "1 am quite surpr.sed, Mr. Peatherly," •he said, "to hear of this. It only shows tha*— hat—" "One is never too old to learn!" prompted Feathcrly, gallantly.— liar frtr't Ba:ar. Song of tha Harvaat, Tha glad barvast grant* u*— brars toiler for bread, Good '-hear' tho prospect i« brighter ahaad. Like magic, the plentiful eundiine and rein Have rip-no 1 our million* of a<-rm of grain: (nd the jeionait, the wolf may keep from bis door,—- There'll lei tn-eail and to spare another year more. Ho sing merrily, merrily, As we gather it in; We wilt store it away gladly, I n garner and bin. We hailed with delight, yet tempered with fear. The corn a* it grew from tt.e blivle to the l*-sf haply, though large is the surplus in store, That bread might be dearer for twelve months or more; Hut the sunshine and rain, bow they ripened the grain That waited the sickle over hillside and plain! Ho sing merrily, merrilv, -vs we gather it in; We will store it away gladly, In garner and bin. < >h, ne’er let us qu -stion the Wisdom that guide*. Our feet in green pastures, and for us pro vides; Who now, a* aforetime, His glory displays. In the Isiunty that crowns our autumnal days; D't the glad tidings echo th*-continent o’er, Thera II Ire bread and to spare another year nt ore! Ho sing merriiy, merrily, As we gather it in ; We will store it away gladly, In garner and bin. Henry S. Washburn. A HERMIT’S STORY. A rc< cut Newberne (N. C.) letter to the Philadelphia Timss gives the sub joined interesting story of a hermit’s life: In 1815, just 71 years ago, John Arm strong was born near Wilmington, in this State. He was the only son of a well-to do farmer, and received an ordinary common school education. At 20 years of age he becatn - enamored of a young woman named (.’ u ric Scott, daughter of a farmer who came from Virginia and who purchased the land adj ining the farm of Armstrong’s father. John’s love seemed to have been reciprocated, and he lived on in blissful anticipation of a happy future. For two years he was assiduous in his I attention, and the wedding day was finally decided upon. There was no happier man in the State of North Carolina than John Armstrong. The eventful day . arrived; John arose early, arrayed him self in his wedd ng suit, and, in company with a few invited guests, set out for the home of his expected bride. On the way ho was met by a colored servant, who, in a few words told him that Miss Carrie had been married at 7 o'clock that morning to a Northern gentleman by the name of Samuel O[Mlyke, and had started on a wedding journey North in a carriage. For amoment Armstrong was paralyzed with astonishment, but presently recov ering his self-possession, he looked about him upon his wondering group of sym pathetic spectators. Then, without uttering a word, he put spurs to his horse and leaving his guests still in the road, soon disappeared in the distance. He j was never seen again in the neighbor hood, and, although every effort was made to discover his whereabouts, they invariably proved futile, nnd finally the community settled down to the beilef that he had committed suicide. Years passed away and tho circum stance was forgotten. His father and mother died, and, although John was the legitimate heir to the estate, an uncle took charge of the farm until he should be found. One day during the war a Federal officer, to escape capture by a scouting party of Confederate cavalry, took refuge in a swamp. In wandering about he became bewildered and pene- J (rated still deeper into the gloomy I recesses of the groat forest. He suddenly | came face to face with a man armed with an ordinary shotgun. "Hullo, stranger! who be you?" “A soldier who has lost his way,” replied the officer, seeing that conceal ment of his position was impossible. "Not one o’ us, I guess! ’ queried the man. "No, I'm an officer in the Federal army." “Wall, stranger, I'm no killer, though I'm mighty strong agin thar Yankees. What might yer name be I" "Samuel Opdyke." The man started back and cocked his gun. “Opdyke—Opdyke—the scoun drel who married Carrie S.-ott and de stroyed my happiness." “I did marry Carrie Scott —married her because I loved her. But who are you, that you should get so excited over the matter P* "Me-—me—why, I'm John Armstrong, who courted that 'ar gal, and she vowed she loved me better than anything else in the world; but she deceived me; her heart was hollow; she was false to me and I have my revenge." And he raised his gun and pulled the trigger, and Cap tain Samuel O|»dyke fell dead at his feet. In relating this the old man—for he h meelf told the story —became terribly agitated, and rubbed hi* hands iu appar ent fiendish exultation. "Ah!" said he, "that were a moment of sweet revenge." For awxrly fifty years he has lived alone in the North Carolina forests. He deter mined, when the servant on that fatal morning brought him the startling and bitter intelligence that his would-be bride had violated her promise, to forever turn his back on humanity. The cabin in which lie live* he built himself. It i* in the gloomiest and remotest solitude of the forest, and were it not for the little garden he cultivates, thus evidencing the existence of civilization, would be a dis mal abode indeed. He endeavors to avoid the society of men as much as possible, and is exceedingly annoyed that his hid ing place has become known. H< wa* accidentally discovered by a party of hunter*. He is still vigorous for his age, and although his hair and long, flowing beard arc white as snow, he walks erect and with an elastic, buoyant ktep. When hedoe* condescend to talk he is cheerful and entertaining in his conversation, but studiously avoids any reference to the female sex. He avers that he has not seen or spoken to a woman for the past thirty years, and hm never seen n rail road cur or steamboat. He knows com paratively little of the incidents of every day life going on in the outside world. He is a constant reader of religious and scientific works and an ardent student of natural history. II: has a magnificent collection of specimens in the entomo logical world, embracing bug*, beetles butterflies. He can tell correctly tie name and habit of every insect native to the neighborhood. He is also an expert with the penknife. Since his abode has become known the boys bring him to bacco, knick-knacks, etc., in exchange for which he gives them crosses, hearts, whistles, <fcc., which he makes from beef bones. These he carves with an ordinary knife and file, though the wo-k is slow and tedious. He is contemplating mov ■ng to more secluded quarters, and it will not be surprising if some morning the boys will search for John Armstrong in vain. Baubles in Washington. "The fellow that looks like me” is the cause of no inconsiderable amusement to several men in public life. Blaine’s double lives here in 'Washington. He has the same pronounced nose, the same bulging eyes and the same whits beard, but he is not quite as -tout a* Maine’s plumed citizen. The two are very often confounded. The double is the princi pal of one of the largest private schools in this section of the country. It is no l a difficult matter to find a double for President Cleveland. Indeed several of them have turned up in Washington. The closest resemblance is found in the rotund and jolly person of Lawrence Gardner, Esq., a well-known insurance man of the District of Columbia, and the president of the Columbia Club. Mr- Gardner is frequently mistaken for the president, and so many men take off their hats when they see him that he al ways gracefully acknowledges the salu tations, not as a compliment to tho ex ecutive of the nation, but as slight testi monials to his own moral worth. There is nothing mean about Mr. Gardner, and he is willing to weai out new hats if the mistaken public thinks he ought to. During Mr. Arthur’s administration a certain officer of the army used to walk up and down Pennsylvania avenue and receive the respectful homage of those who were not intimately acquainted with the president. Strangers often followed him for several squares, fully convinced that they were escorting the president of the United States on one of his afternoon strolls. Two members of the house arc very much alike in personal appearance. They are Pat Collins of Massachusetts, and Martin Clardy of Missouri. Both are democrats, and a short distance away they are alike as two peas. To make the deception still more striking, they dress precisely alike. They wear gray suits evidently from the same piece, and their straw hats are tipped down over their eyes at precisely the same angle Even their narrow black cravats are tied uiikc, with tke long ends flying down over their shirt bosoms.— Raton Trave'- i ler. Blown Into Fame. C. B. Lewis (better known as "M. Quad”) is perhaps the most unique and genuine humorist this country has pro duced, excepting only Artemus Ward and Hosea Biglow. It is not generally known when or where he was born, nor is it a matter of much consequence, since hi* career did not begin till he was blown up, sonic 15 years ago, on an Ohio river steamboat. He is, perhaps, the only ex ample of a man who has been lifted into fame by being tossed 100 feet into the the air, and coming down, more dead than a ive, to tell the story. He did this. Standing at his printer's case, when he was so far recovered as to limp about, he put into type "How it feels to be blown up,” and the whole wst burst into laughter. That laughter made “M. Q i.i'i” f.<m u*. He was then transferred from the com|x>**ing room to the editorial de a tmeut. and ever since shortextr. cts from the Free Frees have been copied nlo everv ><>* n u throughout the coun try. — Hirper. _______ Aristotle doth affirm that the true na ture of riches doth consist in the con tented u e and enjoyment of the things we have, rather than iu the possession of them. I GREAT SALT LAKE. Difficul ties of Swimming in its Saline Waters. The *lnhap o? a Young Lxdy ’ho At tempted a Natatorial Feat. A Utah letter to the Chicago Inter- Orran say*: I did not anticipate any advantage in cither way, but I lacKed ' the moral courage to turn away and con fess I had s en Great Salt Lake without I taking a bath in its celebrated waters. Whi.e I stood on the long platform de liberating as to the style of debut most I impressive for a ’all, thin man, with a bathing suit built for one whose propor tions were lalitndinal rather than longi tudinal, un-idcal of beauty stepped from i the next dresdng room, and, conscious of her loveliness and its power of attrac ; tion, stop]>ed a moment on the stairs to survey the field before making the I I plunge. Could she swim? Like a mermaid, I'd have wagered my last nickel. She was from one of Chicago's j suburbs, and had cut the waters of Gen eva Lake like one of the finny tribe that makes their home there; she had plunged into the surf at Long Branch, and sported in the warm water of the Japan current on the Pacific coast. She was an expert swimmer, but neither mermaids nor finny tribes inhabit Great Salt Lake. It is a dead sen, where nothing in the animal or vegetable kingdom finds life. Its waters are nearly one-fourth pure salt, and its specific gravity six times greater 1 than the ocean. It is as buoyant as a rubber ball, but the beauty had not been i told all this and did not discover the true nature of her surroundings until 1 after she had made the almost fatal plunge. The water did not receive her form in a loving embrace, but repulsed her familiarity. Her body rebounded a* though it had struck a great rubber ball, her heels went into the air and then she took a header, with eyes, mouth and nostrils open wide with surprise. The water is like brine, and this dive was a terrible experience to the mermaid of the cast. She strangled and without prompt j help would have drowned. She said it was like swallowing a great gulp of lye. I profitted by the experience, and was satisfied to wade until I found it required no effort at all to float, which is the only swimming attempted in Great Salt Lake. The water is too heavy to make any progress in swimming. When Paul Boyn ton wins here he found that with his rubber suit on he could swim with great | difficulty, since the buoyancy of the water prevented his body from sinking into it enough to make a successful stroke. He met with an experience somewhat similar to the young lady men tioned, and in a little gale accidentally got some of the salt water into his mouth and nostrils. Ho strangled and was res cued by two young men in about. Leaving the lake you find in your dressing room a large pail of fresh water for another bath, without which you will present an appearance not unlike that of Lot's wife after she disobeyed the command not to look back. These baths are really in toxicating, and many invalids are here for medical aid, and Salt Lake physicians say there arc not more invigorating baths anywhere in the country. The waters of the Dead Sea hold more minerals in so lution than do those of the Great Salt Lake, but there is nothing to equal this anywhere else. It is six times more salt than the ocean, and, as I said, tastes like brine; but it looks as clear as do the waters of Lake Michigan, only a darker green when viewed as a great body. Meat and Heat. Those who would seek to lessen their suffering from the heat, if given to over indulgences at the table, must certainly practice some denial of its pleasures- In this connection it is interesting to note that many cases of sunstroke occur shortly after dinner. It were far better ■ for those in health to dispense with ani mal food entirely during the summer, or, at least, to indulge but sparingly in it There is reason to believe that the dietic value of meat is very generally over estimated. Many people consider it almost the only food capable of sustain ing nutrition and supplying muscular strength. The fallacy of this belief has ! been proved by many experiments. A discussion of this subject is not essential in this connection. In digression, it may be said that, if the American peo ple, who as a nation are noted for their eating propensities, were to more largely subsist on fish, better health wou dbe by them enjoyed and longer life pro moted. The appetite would be as well satisfied, nutrition be fully sustained, and disease less prevalent. During the • summer season, at least, fish should be largely substituted for animal food. Fresh vegetables and good, ripe fruit in moderation are essentials to a wholesome dietary. This radical change in the habits of many will not only lessen their ' sufferings from the heat, but all who ac cept of the innovation will enjov far bet ter health, and secure a certain immunity from many of the attacks peculiar to the hottest months.— Boston Herald. The blessing* of fortune era the low est; the next »ro the bodily advantages of strength and health, but the superla tive blessings, in fine, are those of the mind. CHILDREN’S COLUMN, S'.lrut Prraehrr*. Are yon weary of your labors! Docs your work seem han, to-day* "I t&il looser than my neighbors!” Grumbdng often, do you say! learn of God's m »t bumble creatures Make the bees and ants your teachers— Ilusy toilers, silent preachers And, glad hearted, workaway! XVhst the Fowl* I>id. Little Miry Dale, who lived in Lon don, hail been very ill. She win n j lle years old, bat so small of her age, y ou would tcjrc.'ly have taken her to be I seven. She had grown so pale nnd thin that | the Doctor said she must be taken away into the country or she would not get well. So her mamma had some pretty pink print frocks and a Bun-bonuet made, and took her to large farmh ollS r. Here she stayed all the summer. Hei , great delight was to feed the fowls and ■ ducks, and the little fluffy chicken-, i Oh, how pleased she was one day to find i a nest full of large bluish-looking egg* ■ which belonged to Mrs. Duck. And j now I am going to tell you something ] I am afraid you will hardly believe, and yet it is quite true. A woman was catching fowls to semi ' to market, and Mary, of course, was helping her, and thought it great fun. They struggled hard to get free; at last they fluttered and spread out their wings so much that they actually fled, taking | Mary with them, right over a low wall into a little field bsyond. Mary was not hurt, nor even much frightened, but so startled that she let go the fowls. Thoj were very much alarmed, and you may be sure took care not to be caught again that day.— Little Oicn's Own. “Pride Come* Before n Fall.—A Fable,** I A lump of clay, aud the end of a wax I candle found themselves, by some j strange chance, side by side one summer | day, on a dust-heap. "I wonder you have the assurance to lie so close to me!” said the dainty wax sneeringly; “a great, common lump of slay I and I have been on a fine lady’s, dressing-table.” “Ah!” said the clay, humbly; “we are fellow-sufferers in adversity; we must make the best we can of it. I ought, properly, to have been in yonder brick field." “AVhat a comedown for me!” moaned the candle. “It does not signify what becomes of you.” The clay wisely held his tongue. And the strangely-assorted cotnpadlons in misfortune dropped in.o silence. “I wish it was a little warmer,” said the clay to himself. “Dear me, how hot it is getting!'' grumbled the wax-candle. Presently, the sun grew hotter and hotter, and the piece of wax candle gradually melted away. But the clay only became harder ami firmer than ever. Thus it is, the hopeful and self-reliant, when tried by the heat of adversity, come out of the fire the stronger anil firmer. But the weak and worthies* pass into obscurity, nnd are no more heard of.— Astley U. Baldwin. A Fashionable Mistake. He had been to the city and wont home brimful of news. "You 'member the Smiths?” he asked his wife, ‘‘th’ Silver Crik Smiths, them as got rich on the’r gran’feythcr’s money.” Yes, she remembered them. “I seen ’em. They’re way up; live in a gran’ house on a street they call ’thave noo.’ They ride in a double kerriage and have no end of money.” She said she s’posed as much. “But, dumb sakes! ’Afandy, you wouldn’t want ter change places with hvr. I see her a minnit an’ I didn't hev the heart to speak t’ her.” She said she’d like to know why stuck up thing! “No, she ain’t, Mandy, not now. She’s bin humbled rite down to thf dust. She's as blind as a bat.” B.ind! She guessed not. "But she is. Fust, she didn’t kno me—me that's rid down hill and played tag with her when she warn’t knee-high to a turkey. Then, Mandy, tho’ her eyes were wide open, she went rite along the streets all dressed up in fine close, and a leetle mite of a dog was leading her along. He was tied to a streeng, and she had hold of tother end of the streeng. Now, Manly, how’d you like to be her?"— Detroit Free Brest. Why the Grocer Didn’t Grin. Balston, the grocer, calls upon Juckle* and, while in the drawing-room, Juckles little boy comes in and says: “You ain't got a bird like we have," (pointing at a cage). "Balston—That’s a fact, my little man. Boy—His name uster be Jim tell w" guntre trade with you, an’ since then, pa has been callin’ him Balston. Balston—Ah. and why docs he do that? Boy—Pa says he calls the bird B d'ton because he's always got such a big biH- Funny, ain’t it? Balston says that it is very funny, but he knows that when the next monthlr account i* made out somebody is going to suffer.— Arkateaw Traveller.