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I foL 38
Secretary of State Lansing and j
The Professor.
Those of you who have been interested m
what was happening will remember, that Pro¬
fessor Woodrow Wilson was elected President on
a platform which riveted him to one term.
This idea was a pet thought of Willie, the
incessant orator who talked Nebraska to death,
and who now 7 has the State of Florida on its last
legs.
William was most anxious to be President, for
just one term: “Lead, kindly light, one step enough
for me/”
Those were the sentiments of William; and he
wrote- them into the Baltimore platform of 1912;
and no doubt, they rontributed materially to the
stolen vote in California which put the Professor
on ns.
After having been put on us by the Califoypri
Knights of Columbus, the Professor put William
on us.
Indeed, William was made Secretary of State,
the American Premier; and he, began to function
at Squaw meetings anl County Pairs, worse than
ever.
When the Premier of England or France or
Germany put in a call for William, over the Long
Distance Telephone, the answer was, that the
American Premier had just left the State Depart¬
ment, to address a Squaw assemblage in Boston,
or a cattle show-down, at Leesburg, Virginia.
(Net results: $75. more wealth for William,
and considerable complexity in our Department
of State.)
Finally—as it was rumored—Bryan told the
Professor something on McAdoo, and the Profess¬
or became alarmed at Bryan's detective inclina¬
tions; and things got so balled up, that William
resigned—carrying away with him the Govern¬
ment's table, on which grape juice had conquered,
»hd peace treaties had been signed with all the
foreign nations which have, ever since, been light¬
ing one another, like the Very Devil.
As William parted from the Professor, Wil¬
liam said to Jhis one-termer, “ God Bless you /”
The One-termer fervently clasped William's
hand, and said, u God Bless you.”
WilMam then went home, and he hardly got
his back hair smoothed down, before McAdoo ap¬
peared.
Mae had come over to say Goodbye to Wil
Jiam.
They met like twin-brothers who had not seen
each other in many years.
I will not repeat the pious things that Mar
said to William, and that William said to Mac,
lest I be accused of irreverence.
Having been accused of cvcryeliing else. !
■ want to save myself from that.
As soon as William had seen to the crating
of the purloined tabic—whose destination was
Eairview, Nebraska,—he rushed off, to attend
other peaceable assemblage, of squaws, in Vermont.
(Result: $75. more for William.)
Then came Mr. Lansing, a man of culture
and intelligence, but not robust.
Robert Lansing became the American Fra¬
inier; and through his unintentional instrumental¬
ity, somebody at the White House has exhumed
the Constitution of the United Statees.
If Mr. Lansing had never done anything else,
his future fame would be assured.
He didn’t go to do it, but he did refresh the
memory of Somebody, at the White House,
that there is, actually-, a Constitution of the
United States.
“Praise God from whom all blessings flow!”
(Mr. Lansing, help yourself to the Table, and
send the bill to me:
I will buy one to put in its place, just as Bry¬
an did.)
Mr. Lansing has been a most patient Premier.
He allowed the President to usurp his place
at the Peace Conference.
He allowed the President to ignore him in
Paris.
He made no proteest, when Col. House and
Buzzard Baruch steered the Bleak-minded Presi¬
dent into all those amazing complications.
He was not permitted to know anything, or to
do anything, while the Premiers of Italy, France,
and England were remaking maps and .stirring
»p wars all over the globe.
Ho told Mr. Bullitt that (he American peo¬
ple would never accept the League if they knew
what it let them in for.
Bullitt’s testimony was hushed up. but lie
never was confronted with an impeaching witness.
Lansing refused to contradict Bullitt.
And that is why Lansing is now dismissed.
Mr. Bullitt had been sent, by Woodrow Wil
son and the three Premiers, to Russia, in order
that they might learn the truth about the Russian
situation.
Bullitt went, investigated, made a favorable
report—and was cold-shouldered,
Bullitt reported that the Soviet Government
of Russia was well established; and that it was
(Continued on Page Four.)
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Price $2.00 Per Year
HOW DOES THIS PLATFORM SUIT
YOU?
(1) Unconditional rejection of the League of
Nations: immediate peace with Germany, by
joint resolution.
(2) Peace with Russia, and recognition al
Soviet Republic.
(3) Immediate return to our traditional pol¬
icy of non-interventiou in foreign entanglements
and wars.
(I) Reassertion, in strongest terms, of per¬
sonal civil liberties set forth in the Amendments
to U. S. Constitutionjrpecifically removing from
Congressional jurisdiction the subjects of free
speech, free press, free assmeblage, free petition
for redress of grievances.
These subjects belong to the States.
(5) An act of Congress making it a felony
for any Attorney-General, Solicitor, District At¬
torney, Judge, Mayor, Governor, or other person
acting as an officer of the law, or a self-appointed
Guardian of law and order, to arrest or cause-to
be arrested, any person who is not either in the
actual commission of a statutory crime, or whose
arrest is not ordered in a legal warrant, issued
upon the affidavit of a citizen of one of the States
of this Union.
(6) The violent searching of the person, of
personal belongings, whether by an officer, or oth¬
erwise, to be made a felony, private dwellings
not to be entered, or searched except by due pro¬
cess of law..
(T) The enjoining of labor unions, or of any
individual, or any association of individuals, from
the use of their own money to be made, legal
cause for the automatic suspension of any Federal
Judge from his office, and a felony in the case of
the lawyer who demanded such a criminal pro¬
cess of court.
(8) No weekly, daily, monthly, quartrly, or
annual publication; and no book, pamphlet, leaf¬
let, or printed speech, to bp excluded from the
mails, except after case made against the pub¬
lisher, in the jurisdiction in which he resides, and
after a verdict against him by a jury of his peers.
Any violation of this law, by the Act of the
Postmaster General, to be punished as a felony,
after warrant sworn out by the publisher;
ment bv the Grand Jury of the County wherein
is located the Postoffice where the mailing was
done; and a verdict of guilty by a jury of the
vicinage in which the crime against freedom of the
press was remitted.
( 0 ) By re-enactment of the law of 1798, re¬
quiring the President's official acts to be performed
at the seat of the Government, and declaring hie
office vacant , whenever he leaves this country,
even though he goes abroad on an American ves¬
sel of any kind.
(10) The absolute and immediate abolition
of the antiquated “franking” privilege, which al¬
lows officials to send millions of tons of junk
through the mails, without paying postage.
(II) The immediate dismissal from office
of Emmett Scott, the negro Secretary of War;
and of the negro Judge of the Washington City
Court, Robert Terrill; and the negro Census ta¬
kers who have intruded into the homes of white
people, with all the offensiveness natural to the
negro officials whom Wilson has been so- inordi¬
nately fond of appointing.
He promised them social equality, and he is
trying to keep the alliance intact.
(T2) No intervention in Mexico, whose Pres¬
ident Madero, was foully murdered, in conse¬
quence of a plot perfected at the American Em¬
bassy in Mexico City.
Let the greedy Wall Street Capitalists fight
England itself is an Island, with a thorn in
its side — Iceland.
Therefore her local situation is weak: if Ire¬
land establishes her independence, Englau's local
situation will be almost untenable, since it is cer¬
tain that the Pope will then openly recognize the
Sinn Fein Republic.
The Lloyd George ministry recognizes this;
and that, perhaps, is the reason why England
keeps an envoy at the Vatican, for the first twa¬
in nearly 4.00 years.
With strange lack of foresight, the ministries
of King George IV., William IV., and Queen
Victoria, encouraged the growth of Prussia.
This was especially true of the Queen, whore
German leanings were very strong , she herself
being a German , married to a German.
She approved the rape of Denmark, when
Prussia tore away from that, country the Duchies
of Schleswig and Holstein)
She saw no menace to iho future of England,
when Prussia made war upon Austria and took
Harlem, Qa., Monday, February 23, 1320.
the Mexicans, if they are so determined to .pos¬
sess the mineral wealth of that, harassed Republic.
(13) Election of IT. S. Judges and District
Attorneys by the people.
(14) The suppression by law of any organi¬
zation of Army and Naval officers which arrogates
to itself tire sovereignty of the States, and of the
Federal Government, in passing judgment upon 7
what constitutes loyalty, what constitutes treason,
who measures up to patriotism, and who shall be
allowed to address a peaceable assemblage of the
people, anywhere, and any time.
Such an organization of Army officers, secretly
trying men who are not to lie heard, and whom
the statutes are amply able to punish for any
crime, is necessarily un-A meriaan, presumptions,
offensive , and a dangerous secret clan.
Its true purpose is to promote militarism,
which is irreconcilable with democracy and true
Americanism.
(15) No cpjmpurj.orv military service en¬
training. No further criminal .sacrifice of tjie
lives of our best -younj^inen in foreign ware.
(16) Immediate repeal of the war laws,
which made our Republic a One Man Autocracy,
and which has done immeasurable damage ?o our
national interests.
(17) The immediate, unconditional repeal of
the infamous Espionage Act-, the Lever Act, the
Conscription Act, and the monstrous legislation
which subordinates every American’s right to live
here, to the whims of the Attorney-General and
the trusts, who mean to establish a nation-wide sys¬
tem of forced lalxir.
(18) Independence to the Philipine Islands,
and the immediate withdrawal of our troops.
(19) A Jaw to penalize future loans of public
money to foreign governments, and appropriations
of funds to feed and clothe foreign peoples.
(20) A law setting forth the right of work¬
men, everywhere, to strike, by agreement or other¬
wise; we say that “the law” as laid down by
Judge Anderson, Attorney-General Palmer, and
the voluble ex-President Taft, is not law of any
sort, a-nd that they lsnow it.
(21) .Government ownership of railroads.
(22) The immediate removal of custom-house
duties upon such necessaries of life as clothing,
shoes, hats, farming implements, tools of trade,
wagons, wire of all kinds, nails of all kinds, food
of all kinds, lumber of all kinds, shingles of all
kinds, tin vessels of all kinds, ironware, etc.
That is the only way to reduce the cost of
living,
(23) A.law to punish, as a traitor to his
country. Any President, Senator, or Congressman
who shall sign, circulate, advocate or vote for any
foreign scheme which seeks the surrender of onr
national independence and national resources to
a King of England, and a heaven-descended Mika¬
do of Japan, and a negro State where they still
worship Mumbo Jumbo, and another negro State,
where they cook and eat negro children.
(24) We stand for the Americanism of our
Revolutionary forefathers; for the Americanism
as expressed in the Declaration of Independence,
the Constitution of the, United States and its
Amendments.
We denounce, As assassins of the Supreme
Charter of our liberties, the recreant Englishman
and hi.s satellites, in the Cabinet, in the Senate,
and in the realm of journalism, those who are so
determined to reduce our great Republic to the
status of a British Colony, and who declare that
they will spend American billions of dollars, if necessary, to
bribe the voters at the coming election.
ENGLAND AND THE LEAGUE.
from her the leadership of the Germanic States.
Yet the Duke do Mornv, on his deathbed,
had warned his half-brother, Napoleon III., “Sire,
beware of Prussia!" 1
So complete "was the fatuous blindness of the
English ministers, that Lord Salisbury gave up
Heligoland, the English rock-island, near the Ger¬
man coast—win se possession during the Great
War would have been of incalculable advantage
to the Allies.
In truth, the German monarchs of England
then hail the same favoritism with Germany that
the Englishman, Woodrow Wilson, has for Eng¬
land.
Not until the young egomaniac, Kaiser Wil¬
liam II. grossly wronged his English mother, did
he arouse in his Kinsman, King Edward VII. of
England a deep distrust and hatred.
I could, without much difficulty, truce the
Gyrman hostility to the British, and the British
animosity against Germany, to the family quarrel,
(Continued on Page Three.)
Issued Weekly
Has The State of Georgia a
Democratic “Governess?”
Since the. morning stars sang, together at the
birth of a new world, nothing comparable to the
present'situation has ever been knnwvi.
There is no book, either of travel, history,
or fiction that foreshadows or fancies any such
fantastic wor 1 d -compliea t ion.
The wildest romance of t.he Arabian Nights
seems a prosaic actuality.
Don Quixote's fight with the windmills, is
re-fought in our presence: Alice in Wonderland
has become a companion piece to “Marv had a
little lamb;” and even Mrs. John K. Ottley fads,
now. to fatigue our righteous indignation.
(She merely stimulates attention.)
Mrs. John K. is the bright lady who beseiged
the Georgia Legislature for an appropriation of
$10,000, in order that she might meander around
in the mountain counties of North Georgia, and
teach the natives how to fry Hitters.
As her husband is a very rich and most gen¬
tlemanlike banker, 1 wondered why he did not
finance his wife's culinary campaign.
At present, the bright lady runs political er¬
rands for Clark Howell.
Mrs. Gttlev has caused a rueus in the Federa¬
tion of Womens? Clubs in Georgia, by slipping in
a “rider” at the Convention in Macon, endorsing
the present Democratic administration.
One of the Articles in the ('(institution of the
Federations, especially stipulates that the Federa¬
tion will not identify itself with any political par¬
ty, whatever.
Where are those four old rascals who shut
the doors in the, face of all other Peacemakers, and
made a peace that created hell on earth?
The Italian, Orlando, went .into oblivion, long
ago.
The. Frenchman, Clemeneeau, get beat for
President; and lias stepped from the sublime to
the ridiculous, by visiting the Turks.
The Welchman, who represented England at
the Peace Council—which instigatetd 49 wars—
is doing his level best to tell the English voters
more lies, than he told them in the campaign of
December 1918.
As to President Wilson, we must “pause”,
" Hike off your shoes and wash your finds,'Tie 3 '
fore entering the sacred precincts.
Don’t obliterate the tracks of Dr. Grayson.
Carefully avoid the path trodden by Senators
Fall and Hitchcock
Excuse yourself from seating your pantaloons
iii the same chair that was occupied hv the Prince
of Wales, the King of the Belgians, and the Queen
of Sheba.
The seats of the mighty are not.fqr you: go
off and sit on your heels, you low-down riff-raff,
rag-tag. and bob-tail!
We have a constitutional system which em¬
braces, as it were, a Secretary of State.
If we should happen to have no Vice-Presi¬
dent, this Secretary becomes our President, in
case the elected President fails to “function.”
If nobody knows what has become of onr
President: and he, for seven months, fails to
“function;” and our esteemed Vice-President is
also disabled, or refuses to function, the Secretary
of State should function.
(I hope my admired friend, Mrs. Ottley, is
perusing this.
She, once told me, that she was called “the
Tom Watson of Atlanta.”
That was a complimentary nickname, but she
is not living up to it.)
We have no President: we have no Yice-Presi
dent.
We seem to have quite a number of Medicine
Men.
When Grayson it is fails (o "take," we call in
another Medicine Man from Philadelphia.
When all mankind grows wearv of the Penn¬
sylvania liar, we call for a Bostonian; and next
for a New Jersey specialist, and you can get any
thing you can pay for, in New Jersey.
WJien interest is about frazzled out. and a
Democratic caucus, by a vote of 106 to J7, virtually
says “we are sick and tired of being ordered here
and there by the Grand Viziers,” Somebody sends
a hurry-call for a Baltimore Big Medicine.
If it wasn’t so tragic, it would be comic.
A Balimore Medicine Man, of whose existence
we have heretofore been happily unconscious, roars
and yells his way to the front page of all the daily
Hoot Toots—utterly ignoring the copyrighted
rights of William Howard Taft—and this Medi¬
cine Man from Baltimore roars to us the gladsome
news, that Woodrow Wilson's mind has not been
at any time, impaired by the nervouso collapse, by
gladular complications, by paralysis, by blood
clot on the brain, by thrombosis, by neuritis, or
anything whatsoever.
This Baltimore Strong Drug is named Hugh
(Continued on Pagu Four.)
Mo. 21.