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'Paragraphs About Men and Measures
By SAM W. SMALL
Fashion is the religion of most wo
men.
Only one American in 700 is college
bred. How lucky!
Bridge whist always seems a felony
to the woman who loses.
If we “give the Devil his dues” who
'will fall heir to our railroads?
That big auditorium in Atlanta will
be a self-heater —a regular hot-air
chamber.
The “unwritten law” is contained in
one phrase. “Put yourself in his
place.”
A Japanese war scare might open
the way to that third term for Ted
dy, all right.
Thaw says he is not insane. But
we always suspect a man who claims
to have sense.
“What is a mollycoddle?” Why, er
—ah, it’s somebody that no other word
will describe.
The Wall street panic was the twin
of the Ohio river flood —a passing out
of surplus waters.
The president, being a Red Man,
very properly spends the summer on
Sagamore Hill.
Roosevelt seems to concede that
state legislatures are, at least, “nec
essary nuisances.”
J. Pierpont Morgan may yet try to
escape on the plea that he is a rail
way paranoiac.
Certainly, prize fighting ought to be
legalized, when the prize fought for is
the people’s rights.
Now the coal man’s fancy lightly
turns to thoughts of ice—short weight
and trebled prices.
A man in Wisconsin is afflicted
with double vision, but it fools him
most on pay days.
The pro-canteen movement did not
arrive in congress. Probably it got
drunk on the road.
Taft needs “training down” again,
and is to be started off on a few more
fat reducing junkets.
President Eliot is agin football. His
rickety old joints prefer checkers in
the shade of an elm tree.
Harriman first “stood on his digni
ty.” Now, he is coming pretty near
to standing on his head.
A man in New York sold his wife
for $6. Perhaps she furnished her
buyer with the money!
The Farmers’ Union only needs to
be a union in fact to save the great
Union from many evils.
It is time to establish the fact that
a franchise is not a freebooter’s li
cense and irrevocable.
Oyster Bay has a “Square Deal”
political party, but Roosevelt has not
yet enrolled as a member.
Napoleon Harriman says, “Let me
nominate the judges of the nation and
what care 1 who makes the laws?”
President Finley at a chamber of
commerce banquet must feel like a
fox in an unguarded chicken coop.
Wall street can weather its home
made panics as long as the United
States treasury is at its command.
Piano tuners have to pay a tax in
Missouri, but why are the alleged
piano players allowed to go scott free?
Now Jerome thinks Thaw is crazy.
But if he could not prove him sane how
will he go about to prove him insane?
Foraker reminds us of Henry Clay
—because he is so different. Foraker
would rather be wrong than be pres
ident.
Try your hand planting diversified
crops. A change of arm work from
cotton chopping will do your muscles
good.
It is up to the people now to pro
vide themselves with congressmen in
1908 who will keep the reform ball a
rollin’!
As long as Uncle Lon can keep his
hand in the big treasury any sort of
sub-treasury doesn’t interest him
much.
The government issues a “special
flood bulletin” after the flood is over.
But that is an incorrigible government
habit.
There are 13 Republicans who want
to succeed Roosevelt. They should
ring in another to break the hoodoo
number.
A scientist declares that fish can
talk. One of them can —and his first
name is Stuyvesant. Out with it,
Stuyv!
It may turn out that “assisted im
migrants” will be like “assisted freed
men” —always depending on assist
ance.
The warm spell came on suddenly
and is probably a Republican invention
to melt the Fairbanks presidential
boom.
Hearst will get that recount of the
mayoralty election ballots. And it is
sometimes satisfying to know just how
you got bunkoed.
Senator Cullom says Harriman
should be in a penitentiary. He
ought to tell that to the attorney gen
eral of Illinois.
The real answer to Jerome’s 13,000
word hypothetical question as to in
sanity is that “it depends upon circum
stances.”
Stuyvesant Fish says President
Roosevelt has always been “uncer
tain.” Mr. Fish said something when
he talked that way.
Congress gave $8,000,000 for agri
culture and $177,000,000 for war pur
poses. If peace gets any victories
in this country she must keep a long
ways from the Big Stick and the
“big stiffs” of congress.
THE WEEKLY JEFFERSONIAN.
The second Douma is said to be
“Red,” but it had better not get red
headed with the czar and meet the
fate of the first one.
The Georgia legislature will face
the biggest railway lobby ever when
it meets in June. What will which
one do with the other?
Jim Hill should realize that the
common people can well afford to let
him run his railroads at cost of opera
tion, omitting dividends.
Bowdre Phinizy at least made the
Georgia railway commission suspect
that there is something rotten down
his Uncle Jake’s road.
Chancellor Day has defended the plu
tocrats until he has the mumps. No
man can long outrage nature without
having to suffer for it.
The Nicaraguans have licked the
Hondurans —something quite as im
portant and tragic as a Decatur street
riot in Atlanta.
Senator Stone predicts that we are
to have war with Japan. Perhaps
Gum Shoe Bill has been doing anoth
er reconnoitering act.
The railroads are going to fight the
Alabama rate regulation legislation.
But it takes mighty expert swimmers
to ride down a Comer.
Harriman has found out that there
is a “people” in this country. It was
quite a jar ter him when the fact hit
him on the nose.
We hope the abnormally hot weath
er over the country is not wholly due
to the sweat that Harriman is in
over railroad legislation.
Stoves have gone up—not only the
ones the servant girl pours kerosene
into, but all stoves. Five per cent is
added to their prices.
The railroads threaten to quit fur
ther construction work. Well, the peo
ple will be content to run those al
ready built —for the present.
Secretary Cortelyou can be depend
ed upon to always know when the Wall
street campaign coughers-up need our
money in their business.
The railroad magnates have con
cluded that the closer they get to the
Big Stick the less it can hurt them
when it hits them.
Speaker Cannon is coming back
from the canal, bringing his mouth
with him. We are eager to hear
what that mouth will say.
It now appears that the people of
Brownsville shot themselves up be
cause those negro troops were too
saintly to do the job.
The American Magazine relates the
history of the Atlanta riot of last year.
Even at this late day it is a surely
“newsy” article.
A city in Montana revoked the fran
chise of a gas company that gave poor
service and charged too high prices
for a mean product. This is another
insane popular attack on “business in
terests,” w© presume.
Rockefeller will not give his mill
ions. to save starving Chinamen. Per
haps he is willing, though, to sell them
oil to light their way to Heaven.
President Roosevelt has strangely
neglected the dish that Ex-Congress
man Grover is tiring his arms holding
up to the pie counter.
The anti-American boycott in Chi
na has been suppressed—probably un
til our contributions to the famine re
lief fund are received and consumed.
It is said Carmack scotched, but did
not kill, the ship subsidy bill. But
there is more than one Carmack long
talker on the people’s side of the sen
ate.
It costs s3l per capita to run the
city government of New York. But
people who like “hot times in the old
town” shouldn’t growl at the coal
bills.
A religious paper asks “Did Jesus
practice Christian Science?” Certain
ly not enough to build $2,000,000
churches and live in a “Pleasant
View” mansion.
A minister advises “take a book
with you wherever you go.” Since
“clergy rates” are abolished he will
have to take along a bigger book than
heretofore.
Boss Rues, of San Francisco, has
been indicted on 65 counts for graft
ing. Still he needs only one rascal
on the jury to give justice a pain in
the neck.
The editor who goes too often to
banquets to railroad presidents is lia
ble to come back some night with
his people’s rights halo on wrong side
foremost.
Perkins made restitution of the
money he took from trust funds to
finance Roosevelt’s election. Perhaps
that explains why he cannot be trust
ed in a cabinet position.
It ought to occur to the railway mag
nates that popular revolutions never
go backwards. Just now they should
heed their own signboards: “Stop—
Look —Listen! ”
*
The Republican governor of South
Dakota is charged with public land
frauds. It seems almost impossible to
keep a Republican from improving
his opportunities.
A Mississippi grana jury indicted
itself for violating the Sunday law.
This shows again the terrible seduc
tiveness of the soda fountain with a
wink in front reputation.
The Utah papers say Joe Blackburn
got his job on the canal by voting to
keep Smoot in the senate. We don’t
believe that charge, for Uncle Joe is
anything but a Mormon.
Nobody is asking Senator Joe Bai
ley’s opinion about anything these
days. Joe seems to be one of those
near-virgins that you read about —
“not guilty,” but?
Harriman and Rockefeller do not
agree as to what’s the matter with the
railroads. We recall that they also
have never agreed as to which of the
two should have all the roads.