Newspaper Page Text
At
T wo - Bar
Ranch
• The Manager Got His Instruc¬
tions and Obeyed Them
By DONALD ALLEN
W
• Copyright, IKK), by Associated L,lt
” erary Fresa.
A mauager, a housekeeper, a cook
and twenty-six cowboys made up the
complement ut the Two-bar ranch, ami
every one except the manager was la
boring under suppressed excitement.
No orders had been promulgated, but
the Saturday afternoon had been de¬
voted by unanimous consent toward
washing up, combing hair and bring¬
ing out white shirts and red neckties.
Two weeks previously old Jim Brad¬
shaw, foreman, who was supposed to
be deep In the confidence of the man¬
ager, had said to the storekeeper on
Lame Calf creek:
“Tom, old Two-Bar Is coming right
to the front In a business way."
"As to how?”
“Going to have a telephone line over
to the rnilroad.”
"That ain’t so much.”
“Going to fit up nn office for the
manager with desks and chairs, same
as a New York broker’s office."
“Nothing to brag of."
“Going to have a typewriting ma¬
chine."
“Lots of folks got ’em.”
“And now hold your breath, you old
swindler, while I tell you the rest.
We're going to have a girl to run the
machine.”
"No-o-o!”
“It’s a fact. Coming from Chicago.
Smnrter’n chain lightning. She’s go¬
ing to be stenographer and type¬
writer. Yes, sir, she is, and no other
blamed ranch for a hundred miles
around has got one. Old Two-Bar is
ahead on the game.”
“Well?” queried the storekeeper nft
er a long pause.
“Well, I’m here to give you a tip.
If you haven't got two dozen white
shirts in stock, send for them quicker
than lightning. Send for red neck
ties. Send for silk handkerchiefs.
Send for real cloth collars, and send
for perfumery and toilet soap.”
“Why?”
"Why, you galoot? Because every
man on our ranch Is going to come
loping over here and Inquire for them
very things and isn't going to worry
about prices either. Because why?
Because every man Is going to fall in
love with that girl before site gets
within a mile of the ranch and is
going to dress up and let her see what
a Jitn dandy lie is. There can't but
one man marry her, and the rest of
the gang will shoot him.”
it was a tip.. The shirts and other
things were sent for, and the boys
loped over. Forty-nine cent white
shirts went for a dollar and a half
and no questions asked. Perfumery
and hair oil met with a firm market.
Bed neckties were in great demand.
And now the great day bad finally
arrived. Old Tom had been sent over
to the railroad with the buckboard to
bring back the young woman and her
trunk. Every man had volunteered to
make the trip, and when Old Tom had
been selected the gang gathered
around him. and Its spokesman said:
“There’s got to be a square deal or
bloodshed—no flirting or soft talk to
get ahead of the rest of us. You’ve
got an old woman down on the Brazos,
Tom. and if you don’t own up to that
girl that you have off comes your
scalp.”
Four hours later the buckboard was
sighted with a fleldgiass. Fifteeu
minutes after the announcement il
could be made out with the naked eye.
While It was still a mile away the
cowboys formed in double line along
the road to the house. At half a mile
they removed their bats and puffed
out their shirt fronts. At twenty rods
their red neckties blushed furiously.
And now Old Torn, having the dig¬
nity of a Roman senator, drove the
vehicle between the lines, and the
veiled lady bowed right and left as
every man bent his head and scraped
his right foot. Nothing further could
have been desired by the most criti¬
cal.
"And what does she look like?” was
demanded of Old Tom as he reached
the stables, where they waited for
him.
"Boys, she’s cute. She’s a looker.
She’s going to set hearts afire and
cause forty different murders. You
might just as well go into convention
and resolve that every galoot of you
Is golug to fall head over heels in
love with her at first sight.”
Old Tom’s prediction was fulfilled.
Every man as he got sight of Miss
Glazier fell In love with her or thought
he did. In a week discipline was lax:
in a fortnight there was none at all.
Every cowboy on the ranch wanted to
sit around looking pretty, and the
Chinese cook didn’t have time to wash
half the white shirts awaking him.
Old ’r<ia..®ta£ffie$L*eS manager
complained, "But TBIhgs
sixes and sevens. Few of the men
could make an errand at the office. It
was only while the typist was walk
ing out that they had sight of her.
Three or four got up the nerve to ap
proaeb her. and the bearing and Ian
gunge of all of them were alike. They
bowed and scraped and cleared their
throats and said:
“Good evening, inarm. I’m hoping I
see you well. marm. I'm hoping this
country appeals to you. I’m hoping
you won't mind the galoots a-peeping
at you from behind the bunkhouse and
the stables and showing what their
bringing up has been. I’m hoping that
you may decide to consider to settle
down among us after finding a de¬
voted husband—one perfectly willing
to die for you any time of day or
nigbt,”
And Miss Glazier would smile arid
blush and reply that she liked the
country and the people and the cattle
and the wolves and jack rabbits, and
the man would back away bowing to
the ground to assert to his comrades
in wailing that he had made an Im¬
pression and to be called a liar for the
statement
Cowboys came from other ranches,
but were run off as fast as they ap¬
peared. Travelers rode out of their
way, but were discouraged. At the
end of three months the Two-Bar
ranch had the reputation of being at
loose ends, and the manager's quarter¬
ly report elicited the following reply
from eastern stockholders:
“Not at all satisfactory. What Is
the matter out there?”
“I have a stenographer and typist,”
was telegraphed back.
“Then discharge or marry her.” were
the instructions.
■ The manager was a man of action
He had never discharged a stenogra¬
pher from his employ, and lie was not
going to begin then—not if Miss Gla¬
zier would accept him and the other
alternative. She blushed and sold she
would, but wanted to go back to Chi
eago for a couple of weeks to see her
mother.
The ineu got hold of the news an
hour later—that is, Old Tom told them
separately and collectively that any of
them who wanted to bid the angel
goodby would find her in the office
awaiting them. It was white shirts
and red neckties again; It was more
hair oil and perfumery. They said
nothing to each other, but they read
each other’s thoughts, if a husband
could keep that poor girl at Two-Bar
she should have one. ft was Old Tom
who lined them up and sent in the
first man. The first man had his
speech all ready. So dkl the second,
the third and down to the last, and
those speeches were all alike. They
began with a bow and a kick and a
lump in the throat, and proceeded:
“I hears, marm—I hears that you are
going away for to dwell in our midst
no more."
“Yes. I am going back to Chicago,"
“During your stay here, marm, you
may have observed—you may have tak¬
en notice that l have cast my eyes on
you as often as possible, and that with
the greatest possible respect. It lias
beeu a case of love on my part, ami 1
am now here to offer you my hand and
heart and promise to do everything in
my power to make you happy. I'm
rough, but I’m tender. 1 ain’t educat¬
ed, but I’ll never ask for a divorce.”
And the reply each one received was
the same:
“I feel honored, but must tell you
that 1 am to marry the manager oti
my return.”
And when the last had filed in and
filed out Old Tom suddenly broke
forth:
’’Now, you crosseyed, lop shouldered,
knockkneed gang of galoots, the turtle¬
doves have got through cooing. Cupid's
got a hustle on him. and if you don’t
hustle around and bring Two-Bar back
to her pristine glory I’ll turn loose and
bury the whole of you in one grave!”
Knew All Their Tricks.
“Gentlemen,” said Frederick the
Great ”1 am entirely dissatisfied with
the cavalry. The regiments are com¬
pletely out of hand; there is no ac¬
curacy, no order; the tnen ride like
tailors. I beg that this may not occur
again and that each of you will pay
more attention to his duty, but 1 kuow
how things go on. You think I am not
up to your dodges, but I know them all
and will recapitulate them.
“When the season for riding drill
comes on the captain sends for the
sergeant roa .for and says.; ’J havfc jui
Loans on Farms
I am prepared to negotiate
promptly live year loans on
improved farms anywhere in
Southwest Georgia. Low rate
of interest, payable annually.
Principal payable annually or
at the end of five years as you
choose. Less red tape and
quicker service than you can
get anywhere. Can lend 40%
of value of lands. Bring old
deeds for examination when
calling.
R. C. RELI , Cairo, Qa.
appointmeffTTins morning at —. xeu
the first lieutenant to take the rides.’
So the sergeant major goes to the
senior subaltern and gives him the
message, and the latter says; ‘What!
The captain will be away? Then i am
off hunting. Tell the second lieutenant
to take the men.’ And the second lieu¬
tenant. who is probably still in bed.
says; ’What, both of them away? Then
I will stay where 1 am. 1 was up till
3 this morning at a dance. Tell the
cornet 1 am ill and he must take the
rides.’ Finally the cornet remarks:
‘Look here, sergeant major, what Is
the good of my standing out there in
the cold? You know all about it much
better than I do. You go and take
them.’ And so it goes, and what must
be the end of it ail? What can 1 hope
to do with such cavalry before the
enemy?”—“History of Frederick the
Great.”
His Head For Trifles.
They were sitting in the gloaming,
planning the home to be—at least, she
was planning. George merely listen¬
ed, pondered, listened and sighed.
"And we’ll have one of those lovely
velvety Turkey carpets for the dining
room, George!” she cooed.
“Ob. my pet,” be lilted, "what a
trouble the crumbs and cigarette ashes
would be on a Turkey carpet. I
can’t bear the thought of my sweet¬
heart brushing and brushing, and
making those dear, sweet little bands
rough like the hands of any common
housemaid!”
“What a head you have for trifles,
dear!” she lowed softly.
“Tell you what we’ll do, dear!"
cackled George. “We’ll toss for it!
Tails for the Turkey carpet, heads for
linoleum!”
Clink! And the linoleum had it.
“How lucky!” murmured George as
he picked up the double headed pen¬
ny. “How lucky it is to have a head
for trifles—two heads, in fact!"—Lon¬
don Tit-Bits.
The Yeager Family.
Once in a lifetime a remedy is discov¬
ered that is so productive of good results
that a whole family eau enre itself of
many tilings. Mrs. J. M. Yeager, of
Beirne, Ark., and her entire family suf
fered terribly from malaria, constipa
tion and stomach trouble generally,
she writes they were all cured with Dr.
Caldwell’s Syrup Pepsin.
she is glad to have us tell our readers
about it. The remedy is
guaranteed to do what is c laimed, and
if you want to try it before buying, send
your address for a free sample bottle to
Pepsin Syrup Co., 11!) Caldwell Bldg.,
Mouticello, 111. It is sold by
Drug Co. at 50c and 11 » bottle.
Some Repartee.
We heard this one at a garage yes¬
terday :
"You’re a hum driver,” says one
chauffeur.
"Say.” says the other, “what I know
about automobiles would fill a libra¬
ry”
"Yes, and what you don’t know
about ’em would fill a morgue.”—
Cleveland Lender.
Pure Single and Bose Comb,
Rhode Island Red eggs at #1.00
for 15.—Mrs. Susie C. Crocker.
P. P. P.
blood, JP. create P- *rilt n good purify appetsteand and vitalize give your
whole system tone and strength. your
A prominent railroad superintendent at
Savannah, sia, and suffering with Malaria, Dyspep¬
Rheumatism says: ‘ Aftertaking
V. P. P. he never felt so well in his life, and
feels feds as H.S if if he could ennlil live live forever, fniwnw if if he Vi.* could
always git P. P. P."
If you are tired out from over-work and
close coufl&emeut, cake
p. p. p.
If you are feeling badly in the spring
and out of sorts, take
p. p. p.
•' your digestive organs need toning up,
^
P. P. P.
If von suffer with headache, indigestion,
debility and weakness, take
p. P. p.
If you suffer with nervous prostration,
nerves unstrung and a general let down
of the system, take
p. p. p.
For Blood Poison. Rheumatisra, Scrof
ula, Complaints, Old Sores, take is, Malaria, . Chronic Female
p. p. p.
Prickly Ash, Poke Root
and Potassium.
The beet blood purifier in the world.
r. v. LirpMAN,
Savannah. - . Georgia.
Spence Drug Company.
■ ;
!
j !
j
S
I Buggies
Wagons
OF ALL KINDS!
I have a full carload of
|H high Harness, grade all of Buggies and ||
new up-to
date styles. One and two
horse wagons of all makes.
n* I want your trade.
iii!
Cash or Credit—Prices Right.
I also carry a full line of
<m b est ma kes of Coffins,
|y Caskets and Burial Robes.
Hearse and carriages furn
j||j ished at lowest prices.
j j j G. W. SWINDLE
j In Edwards Hotel Building
I
j j iiMmiii
i
I
j
;
When
the Children
go to Sehool
You have a feeling of secur¬
ity if there are telephones in the community. As a
means of protection the telephone is of inestima¬
ble value in rural districts. In widely separated dis¬
tricts neighbors can communicate quickly with
each other and with the nearest town.
Under the plan of die Bell System any farmer
can secure telephone service at low cost
For information write to nearest Bell Tele¬
phone Manager, or address
Farmers* Line Department
SOUTHERN BELL TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH CO.
80 SOUTH PRYOR STREET, ATLANTA, GA.
(
A Misprint.
The misprinting of a single letter oc¬
casionally lands a newspaper into an
alarming statement. Witness the ac¬
count of a public meeting addressed
by Disraeli when, according to a Lon¬
don journal, “the crowd reut the alt
with their snouts.”
Foley’s Honey and Tar cures coughs
quickly strengthens the lungs and ex
pells colds. Get tlie genuine in a yel¬
low package. Spence Drug Co.
Poisonous Fi»h.
Poisonous fish are rare here, but
common in the tropics. A Japanese
fish, fugu, has deadly poisonous roe.
Roe of pike aud meat of sturgeons are
poisonous when spawning. The bile
and liver of many fish are poison. But
most fish poison is due to decay.
FOR SALE
Cut over pine lands, specially
adapted for farming, good for cot¬
ton, corn, fruits and vegetables, in
Santa Iiosa County, Fla. Health¬
ful climate, excellent water, good
people. Price #5 to $10 per acre,
in 40-acre tracts and up. Terms:
$1.00 per acre down, and $1.00 per
acre per year until paid for. For
further particulars, address
J. A. Chaffin & Co.,
Milton, Fla,
Oak Trees.
Oak trees live 1,500 years, and the
j wood times sell and for bark much of a single 13,000. tree at
as as