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4 Paragraphs About Men and Measures By SAM W. SMALL The Easter bonnet bills come in the same old styles. “If Foraker were president?’’ Gee! Don’t mention it! Foraker displays a hot desire to use Taft for a punching-bag. The panic of 1907 will be recorded in history as the ‘hot air’’ panic. By the way, where, oh, where are Parker clubs 1 and 2, of Atlanta? The damp, cold weather certainly took a fall onto the Easter bonnets. That Central American war over a mule was a Maud-lin performance. An exchange says “Wall street is waking up.’’ When did it ever sleep? The cold Easter indicates that the Fairbanks boom has made another start. Chief Justice Fuller has not yet seen his duty to resign for Bill Taft’s sake. The earth is a billion years old. Does that explain our billion dollar con gress? It is noteworthy that the plutocrats never get paranoea in favor of the people. In a few more years this government will be running a black mail service, all right. Carnegie denounces Harrimanism. Now let Harriman tell us “how Carne gie got his!” Ex-Senator Burton might do well lec turing on “From Chain-Gang to the Press-Gang.” Hearst will get the recount of the Hearst-McClellan mayoralty race. But, what else? • Maybe it will wind up in a conven tion whirlwind for Teddy and Taft — who knows? Harry Thaw seems to be sane enough to make Jerome sound like a cheap Jew’s harp. New Orleans is driving out her mos quitos. Why not her race track blood suckers, also? London claims the tallest opera sing er. What is her price at the box office window? Let everybody keep his mouth shut and his hands off and watch the race problem disappear. The question of “What’s the matter with Kansas?” is easily answered. Too many Republicans! “Silent” Smith is dead. Being that sort of a Smith he must have died from lonesomeness. We are told that it is not painful to starve to death. Still, we shoald think it a very empty pleasure. A headline “The President Talks With Hls Friends” indicates a large and extensive conversation. sake. Press-Gang.” WATSON’S WEEKLY JEFFERSON!AW. A Kansas man says he saw a rat with horns. It was probably a mem ber of the cattle trust. The Dumb Agricola of America may some day—and soon —open his mouth and say surprising things. Pierp Morgan is liberal in buying three things only—art treasures, leg islators and judges. Many of the highest flyers in New York’s “400” got broken pinions in the Wall street dam-break. Senator Allison will not stay in the senate. Cummin’s events cast their shadows before him. Maxim Gorky is reported to be dy ing of consumption. He was also af flicted with too much wives. “What is the plural of grape-fruit?” Don’t know. We never could go more than one at a time. Ben Tillman accuses Roosevelt of “sound and fury.” In plain terms that sounds like a charge of plagiarism. President Roosevelt can now hear talk about his being given a third term without throwing a tit. Wall street is now one of the red light districts. Danger signals are plen ty down that thieve’s alley. Czar Nicholas is enjoying seeing the Douma enjoy itself. It seems to be a harmless sort of Do-funny, anyhow. Why does the president appoint a waterways commission? Most of our railroads are ‘water”-ways already. We are coming to a time when the writ de lunatico will supercede the indictment, if it does not supplant it. Uncle Joe Cannon has been in Ha vana. He probably “smoked up” in every cigar factory he encountered. Marie Corelli is writing another nov el and the English critics are putting on their side-arms and fenders. Thirty-eight per cent of Indiana’s population belong to some church. But the majority are yet Republicans. “Brain storm” is nothing more than psychokinesia. What a row some folks make about a little thing like that! The famine in China is a terrible scourge. It is nearly time to partition China and nourish her many millions. Mr. Bryan says he got into politics by accident. But two terrible accidents have not sufficed to drive him out of it. Walter Wellman announces again one of his imaginary flights for the north pole. Walt is a great explorer— in his mind. April is the opening month and a good time to open red hot talks on the fellows who are overplanting their cotton crop. Miss Cash is lowa’s candidate in the Western beauty contest. She would look mighty good to us if we were one of the judges. Mayor Schmitz of San Francisco will not resign under fire. Certainly not, for even an earthquake couldn’t shake him out. Secretary Taft is the only man in the United States who can run towards both ends of Pennsylvania avenue at the same time. A magazine publishes “The Con fessions of a Juror.” We haven’t time to read it but —how much does he say he got? “The Constitution” writes eloquently about the rural mail “Box at the Gate Post” and doesn’t seem to remember who first made it possible. The Panama canal is actually being dug, but all the “diggers” connected with it are not in the steam shovel gangs, by a long shot. Tennessee republicans have endors ed Roosevelt for a third term, but he knows they can do nothing to cinch that term for him. Harriman will probably see to it that Uncle Shelby Cullom does not get the Chicago and Alton vote in Illinois any more. Nostalgia is said to prevail greatly among the canal workers on the isth mus. That’s Latin for “I-want-to-go home-to-mammy! ” Patti only sings for charity causes, now. Most of us would do our char ity work with notes instead of cash, if we could. A rain of bugs is reported from Michigan. But the reign of goldbugs in the Democratic party is past, let us hope. An Ohio preacher was arrested just after marrying his triteenth wife. A man not satisfied with twelve wives ought to be in a pen or a bug-house. Senator Culberson is willing to be nominated for president. Thank God, there is one bold man left in the Democratic party in the south! The New York World wants to know “What is a Democrat?” If anybody needs the information right badly it is the New York World. Up in Tennessee they call Carmack “the Red Planet of the South.” They couldn’t call him comet, because he don’t wear whiskers. “The man who is to manage Mr. Bryan’s next campaign” is puzzling the political guessers. Perhaps it is also worrying Mr. Bryan some. Emma Eames refuses to talk about her divorce suit. For price enough she might sing her story against her husband, Julian Story. It is evident that Secretary Cortel you is not looking for a presidency higher than that of a New York bank or trust company. Immigration Commissioner Sargent says the south must pay better wages if she wants more immigrants. In that case the wearers of cotton goods the world over must pay higher prices for the southern staple. See? The price of socks has been raised by the hosiery trust. It is just in time to put “sockless statesmen” in fashion again. A man who robbed a newly-arrived immigrant of a few dollars goes to the pen for four years. But the incident doesn’t interest Harriman, evidently. It is proposed to double the salary of the governor of Texas. As he cov ers more ground than five average gov ernors the proposition hardly looks too liberal. It is said the cotton boll weevils will be very destructive this year, and the warning leaves out of account the Wall street weevil entirely. The “business interests,” so-called, ought to study a little what part of their business depends upon the good will and votes of the farmers. The people of the south can com mand the cotton and iron markets of the world. All else they need is the wisdom to command their own power. A forgotten switch in California caused the death of only twenty-six passengers. That railroad company probably feels lucky over the incident. t Abe Rues, the San Francisco boss and grafter, always claimed to be a “business man.” Abe belongs to the same class with Harriman, Morgan, Belmont & Co. Senator Bob Taylor will use a gourd to drink from in his committee room. But he will conform to custom and use a china cup when he takes “cold tea” in the senate beanery. A Pennsylvania legislator wants a law permitting a mad subscriber to lick the editor on provocation. Every subscriber has that right now—if he can pull off the stunt. A legislator in Pennsylvania wants a law to let any one lick an editor when he wants to do so. With the amendment ‘when the editor will let him,” we favor the bill. Stuyvesant Fish complains that President Roosevelt cannot see his own errors. The trouble is that his critics get ahead of him in discovering and publishing them. Henry James, the effete novelist, has been criticising Charleston, but if the Charlestonians had kept quiet about it very few people would have discov ered the malice of James aforesaid. Carnegie says Roosevelt is the best friend the railroads have. Sure, Andy! A boy’s best friend is his mother, in spite of her slipper and the trunk straps. A Nashville judge has decided that the Tennessee legislature cannot pun ish any one for showing contempt for it. The judge is probably one of those notorious railway judges that infest Tennessee. Some people feel an inclination to “pity the poor • railroads” who never feel an impulse to go out to the cemeteries and shed a tear over the graves of the 60,000 people they have killed in ten years.