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PAGE FOUR Paragraphs About Men and Measures By SAM W. SMALL T. R. now means Tired o’ Run ning Corey and his coryphee have cala hooted. The unwritten law is frequently an unspeakable law, also. Foraker should be given credit for wanting to die a-fighting. Later on Foraker may be willing to “let well enough alone.” Senator Morgan also has his Crom well, but he has him on the run. The Gilman woman got a gilded fool and he got w r hat was left of her. The Chautauquas seem to have suc cessfully dodged ex-Senator Striped Burton. Dealers in summer goods are hav ing brain storms and taking chill cures. Taft seems to be “that Roosevelt” by another name, but not so Big Sticky. It isn’t every man that can be like Mr. Hearst and have a party of his own. Mayor Schmitz fiddled into politics and is now equally anxious to fizzle out. The public would prefer to see Taft put Foraker down and out of the sen ate. “When should an actress marry?” Why, whenever the Corey-anders bloom. We want immigrants from Missouri, with long ears and lively heels. Come on, Maud! The New York World seems to have forgotten to ask Dave Hill “Who is a Democrat?” The Philander Knox boom did not attain the proportions and pulchritude of a toy balloon. There was nothing tender in the Cor ey-Gilman combine. Both of them look plenty tough. Th© farmers of the south cannot raise pork in the west and a bank account at home. Col. George Harvey is the original Woodrow Wilson man and nobody wants his job. Secretary Bonaparte, being a pro fessional reformer, is adept in saying much and doing little. Some posthumous Ibsen manuscripts have been discovered —we hope, by the sanitary department. Foraker announces that he is in for a finish fight. Ohio can regain public confidence by finishing him. Mark Twain complains that another fellow looks like him. But no man can boa write double for Mark. What Roosevelt needs is an attorney general who can do better than “a thinking part” in his office. WATSON’S WEEKLY JEFFERSONIAN. Marion Butler as a Roosevelt ambas sador to southern independents is surely the dodgasted political limit. Mr. Bryan says no goldbug of the 1896 vintage need apply for the job in 1908. So say we, all of us! Jim Garfield’s duties as secretary of the interior include fanning the flies out of the white house tennis court. Gambler John W. Gates has left Wall street “for good,” he says. He means, with the goods. The Spanish prince has arrived. He got a royal welcome that he can read about later on. A new Georgia town is called “Hokesborough,” but Hoke doesn’t bur row. He flourishes in the open! The man in Alabama who has bought himself nine coffins must fear that he is headed for the nine hole. There are liars so hardy in this neighborhood as to claim that they have seen a May like this in other years. That Boston man who cannot yawn without dislocating his jaw will find Atlanta the town where yawning is a lost art. Roosevelt fired a gun 515 miles and hit the bull’s eye! How far is it from Washington to Foraker’s headquarters in Ohio? Judge Tom Jones of Alabama is jus tifying his appointment to the federal bench on motion of Booker Washing ton. Joe Foraker may yet conclude that a senatorship in hand is far better than a presidential delegation “in his mind.” Alfred Austin has written a fresh “Ode to Spring,” but can he collect, also, what Spring owes to the rest of us? The new heir to the throne of Spain is half-Bourbon and half-Guelph, but he yells for milk in universal vola puk. John L. Sullivan wants to fight one more battle with a man of his size. Foraker should hire him to biff Taft a few times. Secretary Loeb has grown squatty from bearing an overload of admin istration errors. No wonder he is hunt ing another job. lowa is being classed as a doubt ful state if there is to be no revis ion of the tariff to remove the shel ter of the trusts. Secretary Taft will have to borrow Secretary Root’s Canadian bearskin when he goes campaigning in the Fairbanks state. Surely Marse Henry Watterson does not mean John W. Kearns, of Indiana, when he offers to supply a dark horse tc the Democracy? Ellen Terry is to be married for the third time. Let us hope that while making third she will be able to go on to the home plate. Out in Texas they are using lady bugs to kill the destructive green bugs. Lady bugs have killed many a “green” goldbug. The Atlanta Georgian claims Sena tor Culberson as a native of Georgia. Well, Alabama was once a part of Georgia. From all reports visiting the Jim town Exposition is akin to running the gauntlet of real Indians armed with pocket-book grabhooks. The New York newspapers say “money is a drug on the market,” but that is a drug trust the government hasn’t tackled yet. Secretary Taft thinks the Jimtown show will be “all right when it is fin ished.” Probably he thinks the same way about Foraker. The Baltimore American says “ang lers and poets are born to their busi ness.” They certainly can lie in a nat ural-born way. Jan Janowski of Chicago has been legally turned into John Smith. It will not require a jawsmith now to pronounce his name. Mr. Bryan says of Mr. Hearst “we are going in the same direction.” Does he mean the way they went in St. Louis in 1904? The Farmers’ Union is growing like a green bay tree and spreading its branches into the most powerful sec tions of the nation. Uncle Henry Watterson is touting a dark horse for the Democratic nom ination. He never did fancy the Silver Gray from Nebraska. A Wagnerian revival is predicted. Possibly the discoverer has only heard some of the 1908 spellbinders rehears ing their campaign orations. Congressman Hobson insists that Hoke Smith must be named for the vice-presidency. But has Dick ever measured Hoke yet? A scientist announces that it is a real pleasure to starve. Some employ ers of labor are that kind of scientists, we have observed. A Tennessee Republican is opposed to Roosevelt for a third term. But he is not an officeholder, nor wants a job, which explains it all. Prof. Woodrow Wilson says chewing tobacco makes men think. That re mark will alienate the W. C. T. U. vote from him in a solid bunch. The King of Saxony is reported to have been hurt in a sham battle. Probably tried to ride his sword while executing a right-about-face. Dave Francis of Missouri is again mentioned for the Democratic nomina tion. Somebody must have heard Dave talking to himself. Indiana women who haven’t hitched up call themselves “unclaimed bless ings.” Which only shows what a lot of men there are who do not want what is coming to them! Bonaparte insists that his depart ment is busy as it can be —just like the clown in the circus, “Ever ready and willing to do nothing at all!” George B. Cox, the liquor boss of Ohio Republicans, refuses to be bot tle-holder in the Taft-Foraker fight. Cox is getting wise in his old days. The drug trust has been estopped by the federal government, but the drug stores still charge 50 cents for 12 cents worth of prescription stuff. A newspaper editorial says “Watch Corey Go Down!” Unless Mabelle de ceives her looks we will watch for him to go up in the air at any moment. Boies Penrose has surrendered to the Big Stick. Since Matt Quay died died his leftenant lacks the courage that the mantle of his master covered. Kentucky Republicans want one of their breed in second place on the national ticket next year. An Ohio- Kentucky ticket would look O. K. to be sure. Now it is put forth that the south is to have the vice-presidential nom ination by the Democrats. Who wants to sit upon the tailboard? Speak up, gents! Senator Bob LaFollette is once more making a holy show of the national senate before Chautauqua crowds. It sometimes pays to tell tales out of school. A Boston preacher says the negro should never have had the ballot. Who woke up that beaneater from his forty years of sleeping over the ti uth? Reformer-General Stead, of London, says he enjoyed his visit to this coun try. He had such free scope here to work his mouth without being hooted down. The New York Telegraph wants a censor for the drama. But first there should be a censor for the New York Telegraph and an order barring it from the mails. In spite of the protests of Demo cratic Governor Higgins the Republi can boss of Rhode Island still main tains his hindquarters in the state cap itol at Providence. Man,y newspapers want to know when we are to get tariff revision. Why not ask, also, when practical fly ing machines will be selling at $lO each on the installment plan? The president hesitates to assume a joint protectorate with Diaz of Mex ico over the Central American repub lics. But why this sudden modesty and caution about imperialism? All the old goldbug Democratic de serters assert their willingness to agree on a tariff reform issue in 1908. Would n’t they also agree to write the plat- • form and name the candidates? Harriman claims that some parts of his railway system are yet unwatered and unmortgaged. It is very kind of him to warn the people thus early of what is yet coming to them in the way of heavier burdens.