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[Written for the Southern Field and Fireside.] THE WIFE THAT MEETS ME AT THE DOOB' BespectfuUy inscribed, to my friend and acquain tance, of many years, llox. A. B. Meek, of Ala. I never leave my home a day, • How e'er with others it may be— But what I get, when I come back. Welcoming smile, and hearty smack, That make me love, sti 11 more and more, The wife that meets me at the door. Her dress is always neat and clean, — A pretty wife and yet not vain,— » And when she sings my favorite song, w How sure am I, the man is wrong, Who weds not—be he rich or poor— A icife to meet him at the door ! The little chickens run to meet, And pick the crumbs up at her feet; Old Towser licks her proffered hand, And frolics 'round her in the sand; There's nothing like, I’ve said before, A wife that meets one at t/ie door ! In social hall, her smiling face, In every heart wins quick a place; , The gayest lad that walks the green, ‘ Will tip his hat when she is seen, And hopes to meet, when teens are o’er, Just such a icife at h is oten door. Hal. [Written for the Southern Field and Fireside.] A TALK EN-FAMILLE. r “ My dear, don’t you think it is time Josephine was being polished off a little ?” “ Polish off Josephine 1 Mrs. Millikens, what ' on earth do you mean ?” The above question was asked by my spouse, Jemima Millikens, and the reply, somewhat indi cative of astonishment, was by myself, Joseph Millikens, Esq. As it is not my wont to address Mrs. M. in abrupt or discourteous terms, it is due to myself t as well as to her to explain how it was that my answer to her mild interrogatory savored somo ' what of both. I am waxing old, although Mrs. Millikens fre quently tells me that I look ten years younger than my age would warrant. Now, it may bo her partiality, and natural kindness of heart, that caused her to say so; still, I feel bound to de clare that such is her opinion as expressed in 1 private to me; but, at all events, lam conscious that I am growing garrulous and egotistical, and t those little failings are the sure concomitants of increase of years. I find it difficult to narrate the simplest circumstance without indulging in an episode of my personal antecedents. My friends, I am sorry to perceive, become restive when I approach my favorite topic, and to avoid inflicting the same unpleasant sensations upon t others, I will be as brief as possible in relating how it happened that I replied to Mrs. M. in the r manner above stated. It is my intention at some future day, to give the world the benefit of an autobiography; but at present I design an outline only: this I re gard as indispensable to a proper understanding of the point that I propose to elucidate. I was bom in the State of Georgia, and in the [ county of Burke, in said State—l like to bo par ticular—my native county, in my early youth, f was chiefly famous for the fertility of its soil, and the number of its ponds of stagnant water, its chief product’ons were cotton, alligators, mus i quetoes, and chills and fevers. lam happy to • say that I have outlived the three commodities last mentioned, and that here as in the rest of the world, cotton alone is King. ( At the proper age, I entered our State univer sity, and emerged therefrom, at the expiration of f four years, a wiser, if not a better man. I am rather sceptical on this point can a man bo wi ser, and yet no better? and yet as Bacon was pro i nounced the "wisest” as well as the "meanest” of mankind, I suppose the antithesis is correct; I cannot stop to argue the question now. Ire member distinctly, however, that when the ven [ erable president charged me especially to avoid gambling, drinking aud swearing, I scarcely un , derstood the nature of the vices of which the good man seemed to have such a holy horror. Now for the corollary. There was a fellow stu dent, a friend of mine, a class in advance of me, who was, at the time of my initiation into the mysteries of college life, considered the crack player at the game of “seven up.” He is now a distinguished divine of the Church, and as distinguished for his genuine piety as for r his clerical ability—l could, were it not unseem ly to do so. refer to him in proof of the fact, that before I left college, I could give him a point in the game and beat him: and as to drinking, et cetera, —but I do not like to recall these follies of my youth, and Jemima never fails, mildly to rebuke me, when I allude to them; and yet even now, a rubber of whist, and a single glass of old Bourbon —well 1 well 1 let it pass. Luckily, for me, soon after receiving my di ploma, I fell in with Miss Jemima Wilkins, and very speedily thereafter, I fell in lovo with her. , Now I honestly aver, that in my opinion, any other man must have done the same. In fact I do not see how he could have helped it. She was—but I will not attempt even, a des > cription of her person, or an enumeration of her good qualities. But for her good sense, her gen-- tlo and loving admonitions, I might have been shipwrecked upon the rocks, where so many of our Southern youth are stranded. Our main ob ! ject through life, has been I think to render each other happy, She can wind me around her fin ger, my gossiping neighbors say—be it so—l know she has wound me around her heart, and . the other is of little consequence; I deny her 1 nothing, it is true, but then she asks for nothing, that a true wife should not have, and then every • request is preferred in such away as to make it a positive pleasure to oblige her —I would not give that dear kind old heart an hour’s pain—no, not even to evade the ignominy of being thought , to be under my wife’s control. Many a poor foolish husband renders his domestic life a hell l on earth, just to prove that lie is too iudeper ' dent a gentleman, to be suspected of being gov erned by a woman, and that woman his wife. 1 Jemima’s father was a sour old planter, proud and stern —I venerate his memory however, for besides being a just man, he left us fifty negroes, and a wed stocked plantation. When, with great fear and trembling I asked her to become my wife, she replied like a sensible > woman that she was and is. “that she was per ' fectly willing, but that she knew her father would object, you are not settled in life, she said i your habits are not fixed: now I know my fa ther, and I know what is necessary for you to do, to secure his consent. You have land and } negroes, let law and medicine alone, go to work, apply yourself steadily to planting—make a good crop—he will watch you narrowly during the i yoar, at the end of it come boldly, and ask his ' consent; we are both young, and a year will soon pass.” i I followed her advice, and even as she pre dicted, so it came to pass. “You have begun well, young gentleman, ? said the old man, and bid fair to make a skilful XKX SOtfXKE&M VXS&D SMW XX&KSXXK. planter—be sober and industrious, lie a gentle- 1 man! this is all I ask for my daughter’s hus- i band. I have but two children, half of my pro perty will be yours when I die. Marry as soon as you please—live with me while I am here, I cannot spare my housekeeper, even if I lose my daughter.” His death, five years afterwards, made no change in our domestic arrangements, as we continued to inhabit the same residence. I have endeavored to follow my father-in-law’s advice, and have prospered accordingly. A good wife, good health, good crops, and a clear conscience, are about as much as a Georgian planter would ask for this side of heaven. It is true that an honest overseer, and twelve cents per pound for cotton, rather increase than diminish this bliss ful condition. Os five children bom to us, but two passed the stage of infancy—both girls. The eldest committed a fault only too common, in marrying against our wishes a handsome, dashing, dissi pated man. But little over a year had passed, and she was a widow. A few more weeks, and she was an angel, leaving us, as a consolation in our great grief, a little rose bud, clipped from its parent stem just ere decay had robbed it of its bloom and beauty. I could not well describe the affection we bear to this our little grand-child; instead of be ing removed from us a degree in consanguinity, she is, through our still living love for her dead mother, doubly endeared to us. Her custom is, when after supper she has donned her night clothes, to bow at her grand-mother’s knee, and demurely repeat the evening prayer she has been taught; she scarcely waits for the amen, before, with a skip and a jump, she is in my lap, where, frith her curly head nestled on my arm, and her soft blue eye fixed upon mine, we hold a long chat upon the events of the day. By aud by, the blue eyes close—then, as something new flits across her half dreaming recollection, they re open, then close again—a muttered word or two, the red lips gently part, and our little dar ling is in the land of dreams. God bless her, and keep her ever pure and innocent! Every one, in his daily occupations, meets with matters that vex and liarrass him more or less; and I am, I fear, a little impatient and irascible; but, with my little pet resting against my very heart, I forget all these things—nor do I believe that then an evil thought ever enters my mind; I am sure that this child exercises over me a good influence, makes me better every day, and infuses a greater veneration for all that is good and lovely. Besides this grand-child, wo have one daugh ter —the Josephine of this history. She is in her seventeenth year, and has just graduated at one of our excellent Georgia female colleges. It was a rather cool night in the month of April just passed: a cheerful fire of our famous black jack oak enlivened the room. On one side of our old fashioned ample hearth, I sat with our little cherub asleep in my arms. Op posite, as usual, was my good wife, engaged in footing a woollen sock; near her, with her little book resting on the candle stand, sat Josephine, reading; and between her and myself were two negro girls, occupied in polishing the brass fen der; for a full half hour, no word had been ut tered by any one in the room. I had about fin ished planting cotton that day, and was fully ab sorbed in a mental calculation of what would be, with a fair season, the yield of the six hundred acres devoted to the great staple. While, how ever, my mind was intent upon this important matter, my outward senses were concentrated upon the occupation of the two girls who were polishing the fender, so that when my wife ab ruptly spoke of polishing off Josephine, in the first confusion of my ideas, upon my soul, I im agined that the polishing was to be done with rotten stone and oil; and it was owing to this strange hallucination that I replied to Mrs. M. in a tone of indignant astonishment, which, as I said before, I am not in the habit of doing. When I had explained and apologised, Jemima only said: “ What an absurd idea;” and I con fess that, upon reflection, I think she was right. “ But. my dear wife, absurd as it was, are you sure that your own notions of polishing are not liable to the same charge ?” “Not at all; Josephine has finished her studies —that is, she has gone through the text books considered essential to an education. Now, what’s the use of this, if she lacks the compo sure of mind and the ease of manner necessary to impart what she knows to others? Mr. Addi son said that there “ could be no real conversa tion but between two persons;” that may do for men, but not for women—young ones espe cially, whose good qualities and accomplishments are to be displayed, if at all, in company; and to do this, they must have easy’manners, and a polished address; and I think a year spent at a finishing school at the North, would be the best way of acquiring them.” “Doubtless it would assist in enabling her to pass with less criticism, among a class, known as “fashionables,” and whose morals are too of ten as corrupt as their accomplishments are meretricious. But we have no such class among us. There may be a lame effort to ape and imitate it, in our towns : but in the country, with j the planters and farmers, who are the real no bility of the land, it is unknown. Our social system, is as unlike, as it is superior to any other I existing in the world. Its effect upon our wo men, is to create a contempt and scorn for the j frivolities which make up the lives of their sis- j ters elsewhere. A ruler of an inferior race is dignified in his sentiments ahd character as much by the contrast of condition as the exer cise of power : but the arrogance which usually j under other circumstances, attends the latter, j and the diminution of the refining emotions of j delicacy aud humanity, are with us entirely in- i hibited by the paramount influence of self in- ! terest, and a generous sense of the mutual de- ; pendence between the ruler and the ruled. — i Suppose Josephine marries, as I hope she will, j some day, a clever fellow with plenty of mules j and niggers. She becomes at once the mistress and mother I may say, of a large family, for | every negro woman regards her mistress as foster-parent at least to her ebony offspring. In infancy, in old age, in sickness, they look to her for comfort and help—and even in death she is j expected to provide the mdhns of decent burial, j They must be comfortably clothed, and it is her duty to see it done. Nothing is done vicariously • by a Southern wife. She is her own house keeper—she must superintend and direct her ; legion of houseservants. The Keys of her storerooms, her closets, of j the meat house are in her possession: the super vision of the pantry yard and the vegetable and flower garden constitute an important item in her domestic pleasures. I mention these things because they are extras, which do not fall with in the province, in other sections, of ladies who belong to what is called good society, and you can easily perceive how incompatible these duties are with the display of the accomplish ments of “ fine ladies” or at least how little op portunity offers for their exhibition.” “ Mr. Millikens, you certainly must be think ing about going back to the legislature. I didn’t I ! expect you to make a speech, when I asked you I a simple question," “ My dear Jemima. I beg your pardon, I have ! no such intention. Should I ever go, you shall ! . accompany me, hear my great speech on | ! the rights of woman.’’ “You wont go there soon then—but under- I stand me, all I mean is this—you recollect the first summer we visited the North—and you remember what tribulation I was in the whole time, lest I should transgress some law of 1 etiquette. I confess that the pleasure of the j trip was greatly’ lessened from not being familiar j with the little conventionalities in vogue among ' those who make more of such things than we do here. Now all I wish is that our daughter should be freed from the embarrassment and doubts which disturbed me." Well I admit, there is a good deal in that.— Good breeding and genuine politeness it is true consist more in an accommodating and self denying spirit, than in a graceful bend of the body, and there is more of these good qualities to be found in ten miles square in Georgia, than in the whole of New England—yet as you sav, young people should be familiar with the rules of etiquette which govern polite and polished people. The west end in London—fifth avenue in New Y ork, State street probably in Boston, [ are the recognized standard in their respective spheres, in matters of this sort, and I suppose there is much uniformity in the code to which they conform themselves. They eat and drink, dress and visit, and I reckon go to bed and sleep by rule. We do not; still there is good reason why we should know how they do these things, in ease we should ever be brought in contact with them. Now I have an idea on this sub ject, which I should like to see carried out, and wliich would obviate the difficulty you have mentioned. It is simply that a text book should be proposed, embodying the laws, rules and maxims which govern good society every where, rules of conduct for the parlour, the dinner table, the ball room, the opera, the reception and entertainment of visitors, and every em barrassing, situation in which young and inex perienced people might be placed, should be in cluded, besides this, there should be suggestions for the toilet, for preserving health, housekeep ing, cooking good tilings; this book should be adopted as a regular part of education in our female schools at least. It would accustom the scholars to govern themselves by these very rules, among themselves, and thus indelibly fix them in the mind. Don’t you think it would be a good plan?" “,I do indeed my dear, think it excellent, what is there to prevent its being done ?” “ Well I know of no good reason, I can how ever imagine one, though in my judgment a very poor one, the world has improved a good deal in some things, even within our time: for we can remember, when those who preached sermons for us on Sunday, spent their leisure hours in the agreeable recreation of hunting for witches among the old women of the vicinity. But we are still, Mrs. M., a good deal under the influence of cant. Josephine! get the dictionary, and read the definition of that word that will do, “ a whining pretension to goodness, in affected terms.” Now suppose some individual of a “devout imagination" to open a text book in one of our female colleges, at the chapter headed “ etiquette of the ball room!” Jerusalem! what groaning over the iniquities of our fallen race! The commotion excitod among the virgins at the boarding school in Pickwick, at the bare idea of a “ man upon the premises” was a mere cir cumstance to what this would be. We are, I hope and believe, my dear, good orthodox Christians, readers of the Bible, and believers in its truths, none of which conflict, in my opinion with a rational indulgence in the social and intellectual pleasures, which a wise and benefi cent creator so well fashioned us to enjoy. I think with Goethe who “ Held that a benign creator meant To bless the creature. And giving man a boon denied to brute. Loved him to exercise his laughing attribute." “ He felt that cheerfulness when unalloyed With aught immoral, Was piety on earth, in heaven enjoyed, Ac.” “ Besides, because young ladies are taught how to behave on certain occasions, it does not follow that they are compelled to give a practical illustration of this proficiency, there is no harm certainly, in knowing what is proper in a ball room, or at the opera, even admitting it wrong to go there. —But bless my soul! it’s past eleven, and I have an appointment with Scruggs at 8 o’clock in the morning, to discuss the purchase | of that tract of land, ho wishes to sell, Good night Josey!” W. —■*+*+■ [Written for the Southern Field and Fireside.] AN ESSAY I On the Office of Woman in Civilised Society. When, with a philosophical mind, we contem plate the movement of society, nothing strikes us more forcibly than the constant increase of wo man’s influence. In every successive age of the progress of our race, we see her assuming ] a higher and higher position, and contributing , powerfully to that progress. This is one of the most striking characteristics of modern civiliza ; tion, evincing a radical change for the better in j modem over ancient nations. The Jewish, I Egyptian, and Assyrian female held but a very | inferior and subordinate position. In the so cial system of the Greeks, woman was treated j with unfeigned contempt. Esteemed only for ! her personal beauty, she was regarded, not as an equal and companion, but as the slave and ! plaything of the stronger sex. Homer tells us i that all beautiful women, taken in war, were ap -1 preprinted by the victors, and carried home as ! slaves. The Roman Jurisprudence (perhaps the noblest bequest that imperial Rome has left to | posterity, and which is, in truth, an imperisha ! ble monument of human wisdom and sagacity), j is so grossly unjust to woman as to have justi fied the remark of an eminent civil lawyer, that, in this code, women are regarded, not as per sons, but merely as things: so completely were they stripped of all their rights, and held in sub jection by their proud and imperious masters, i This inequality of woman with man, shows how j one-sided were the boasted civilizations of an tiquit)’. These civilizations failed, and ancient societies crumbled, because they did not advance simultaneously in all their parts, and as a whole. Portions progressed, while other portions re mained stationary. The constituent elements of 1 sound society were thus separated. Dissolution necessarily followed. In modern times, we see little of this slavish subjection of one sex to the other. On the contrary, in all the varying so cial phenomena of life—in the education of children —in the tone and spirit of literature— in the customs and usages around us, and in leg islation also, we find incontestible proofs of the great comparative elevation of modern woman. No one can deny that this elevation has been productive of incalculable benefit to society gen erally, and to man, in particular. Female influ ence tends to preserve masculine'life from too I exclusive utilitarianism and selfishness. Man is, by nature, harsh and austere —money loving, and too addicted to its engrossing pursuit.— Woman is the incarnation of poetry. She cre i «tes around herself and her companions of our | sex, an ideal, romantic, moral atmosphere, which i prevents our daily life from degenerating into a cold, selfish, and monotonous routine. By the softness, gentleness, and purity of her nature, she tempers the violence of men, checks their cruelties and immoralities, and adds to their ; manners a polish and elegance which, without ! this influence, they would never possess. The ] Sovereign Ruler and Designer of human affairs doeth all things well, but in no one particular do we find more striking evidence of His con summate skill, than in the adaptation of the sexes to each other, and their mutual dependence. And if man, arrogant in his intellectual and physical strength, should trample the weaker sex into the dust, making of woman but a pup pet, he disarranges the plan of Providence, and entails inevitable ruin upon the whole social fabric. “Tts woman's smiles that lull onr cares to rest. Dear woman's charms, that pive to life its zest, Tis woman's hami, that smoothes affliction's bed. Wipes the cold sweat and stays the sinking head." We have now briefly considered the influence ! exerted by women on the moral progress of society. Let us advance a step farther, and in quire what inflnence the sex has had upon intellectual progress. The solution of this ques tion is attended with considerable intricacy, and here there is a large margin for difference of opinion. For in candor it must be admitted that the great works which have enlightened and delighted mankind, the most brilliant and ex quisite productions in poetry, music, sculpture and painting are the work of men. No woman has ever yet made a discovery of sufficient im portance to mark an epoch in the history of science and of human thought. From such facts before them, some men have drawn the disparaging conclusion that women have noth ing to do with the higher walks of science and literature; but that they are intended for the private paths of social and domestic life, which they are to elevate, purify and beautify by their virtuous moral influences, leaving intellectual discoveries to be exclusively followed up by the sterner and hardier sex. This we apprehend, to be the opinion of the majority of men; but there is a minority, who, whilst they do not believe that the female intellect can ever equal that of the male sex in strength and comprehen siveness of grasp, yet accord to women the power of attaining to great excellence in art and science, and in this opinion they are fortified by numerous examples. To get to the core of this much agitated question, we must remember that the psychological or mental constitution of the two sexes is very different Whilst the female mind is imaginative and ideal, man’s on the contrary seeks and prefers to deal with facts. Now no one will quarrel with the high value set upon facts; they are the basis of knowledge. But we must also remember, that there are two mental processes by which we reach the temple of Truth. One is called Induction, and the other Deduction. By the first, wo rise from facts up to general laws—by the latter, we descend from ideas already existing in the mind down to facts, these processes of reasoning are equally interesting and valuable; and any con clusion we may arrive at, must be strongly cor roborated, if it can be reached by both of these methods. Now, women are by nature deductive in their method of reasoning; the expression is of almost proverbial authority that while man toils, working a weary way to his conclusions, woman seizes hers, as by intuition. A cele brated physician, Dr. Currie of England, states in one of his letters, that when a laborer and his wife came to consult him about their ail ments, it was always from the woman, that he gained the clearest and most precise information. It is on the same principle, that when in a for eign country, and endeavoring to learn the lang uage, the women will understand you much more quickly than the men : It is by deduction that women, leaving the inductive process to men, have contributed, and are contributing in very important measure, to the progress of truth in the world. Their turn of thought, their habits of mind, their conversation, and their influence, insensibly extending over the whole surface of society,and frequently ramifying through its most intimate structure, have, more than all other things put together, conduced to develope the ideal in man, to bring forth and cultivate in the stronger and more prosaic sex those germs of imagination which exist in greater or less pro portion in the minds of all men. It is a singular and interesting fact, that most men of genius have had remarkable mothers, but not remarkable fathers. Some may say that this depends on the law of hereditary transmis sion, but then it may be asked if mental quali ties can be transmitted by the mother to her offspring, why may they not be by the father also? There is no doubt but that hereditary trans mission is engaged in the matter, but, at the same time, we must not overlook that great process of education or development which takes place, after birth, at the mother’s knee, in the course of which the habits of thought peculiar to the mo ther, as a female, act upon and modify the habits of thought peculiar to the son, as a male. We must believe that at a very early date, there is generated a peculiar sympathy between the in ductive mind of the son, and the deductive mind of the mother. The intellect of the boy, softened and elevated by the imaginative powers of the mother, is preserved from that deterioration to be feared for the understanding when left to.it self, and thus the powers of his youthful mind recoivo a mdre thorough perfect and harmonious development, than could be effected by any other means. And thus it is, that the most touching and sacred form of human love—the purest and holiest instinct of our nature, is turned into an engine for the advancement of knowledge, and the discovery of truth! In other words, while women, from social circumstances, have been de barred the right to enter the lists in proper per son as competitors with men, in the pursuit of Truth, their influence is exerted and with most telling effect, in their own unobstrusive sphere. Maternal influence over the infant, boy, and young man guides, controls, almost forms the masculine mind by which the great ends of so ciety, and the progress of our race are to be achie ved. While we aver, and set forth in due pro minence the agency of the inductive labors of men of facts in carrying on the work of human improvement, we at the same time maintain that there is a spiritual and feminine element in our minds, which often times gives us a glimpse of the future and urges us to seize troth by antici pation. The citadel of knowledge has somet : *nes been taken without stopping to sap the out works, by the intuitive operation of that feminin- element in the cultivation of our minds. It were to be wished that this could be observed more fre quently. For, vast as human knowledge seems to be, it yet, comparatively, amounts to nothing. With all our boasted acqub‘ f ' onß before us, we may still admit, with thr great Newton, that we are but infants playing on the infinite shores of Truth! In this vast outlying field then, which we and our posterity will have to traverse we really think that the imagination, and the idea, will have to play as conspicuous a part, as the understanding and the fact. Our poetry will have to sustain our logic, and we will have to fed as well as argue, in order to make progress. Those then, who wish well to the enlargement of our intellectual domain should use every le gitimate means for developing both the social and intellectual influence of woman—so that every resource of the human mind, emotional and logical, imaginative and ratiocinative, may be brought rapidly and effectually into action.— The vivid and enthusiastic powers of woman will hasten the great progress, and by constant com bination and co-operation with the matter-of-fact minds of men, will modify and ameliorate them. By this coalition of the two sexes, and by this union of different faculties, tastes and methods, we shall bo prepared to take the field for the conquest of knowledge, with a complete and thorough equipment, in obedience to that prim eval law, which in the beginning created us male and female, for our mutual assistance, and com mon advancement, and ultimate perfection. FUN, FACT, AND PHILOSOPHY. “What does cleave mean, papa?” “It means to stick together." “Does John stick wood to gether when he cleaves it ?”— ‘ Hem! it means to separate.' ‘Well, then, pa, does a man sepa rate from his wife when he cleaves to her ?’ — ‘ Don’t ask foolish questions child.’ A swell in a drawing-room wanting his ser vant, called out, “ Where is that blockhead of mine ?” A wit replied, “On your shoulders, sir.” Palpitation of the Heart.— Mr. Editor : The remedy for this uncomfortable affection, which you mentioned in your February issue, as recently recommended, viz: “Deep inspirations and subsequent holding of the breath,” I acci dentally discovered thirty years ago, and since, have always used it when necessary. I mention it not in derogation of its original ity, but in confirmation of its efficacy.—Corres pondent Southern Planter. Two hundred thousand copies of Spurgeon’s Sermons have been sold in this country. Tell not all you know; do not all you can ; believe not all you hear; spend not all you have. When Dr. Lyman Beecher was instructing a class of theological students, one of them put to him the question, “What if an atheist should say that there is as much proof of the existence of several gods, as there is of the existence of one ?” he replied, “ Don’t enter into any argu ment with him, for quite likely you may fail to convince him; but tell him, if his theory is true, and there are more gods than one, so much the worse for him P A sox of Galen, who was very angry when any joke was passed on physicians, once defend ed himself from raillery by saying, “I defy any person whom I ever attended to accuse me of ignorance, or neglect.” “ That you may do safely,” replied a wag, “ for you know, doctor, dead men tell no tales.” Some lucky chap says if there is a heaven on earth, it is on a soft couch, with your w ife on one side, and a smiling baby on the other, a clear conscience, plenty to eat and a knowledge that you are out of debt and don’t fear the printer, tailor, sheriff, or the devil. The Charleston Courier says that the late fair of the Ladies’ Calhoun Monument Association has resulted in netting the amount of six thous and and fifty dollars. Tiie Commek id Advertiser says the report of the Sickles trial sent by telegraph contained one hundred and fifty-two thousand nine hundred and forty words, and cost the Associated Press three thousand six hundred and eighty-two dol lars and twenty-nine cents. This single item gives an idea of the sums expended by this Press Association in procuring the earliest news from all parts of the country. Hear with patience, and answer with pre cision. Inattention shows contempt, and con tempt is never forgiven. • lx all arguments, let your aim be to arrive at the truth; it is a paltry conquest to silence your opponent by hard words. Value truth, how ever you come by it. Who would not pick up a jewel, though it lay in the gutter? A laughable circumstance once took place upon a trial in Lancashire, where a Mr. Wood was examined as a witness. Upon giving his name, Ottiwell Wood, the judge, addressing the reverend jierson, said, “ Pray, Mr. Wood, how do you spell your name ?” The replied: “ 0 double T, I double U, K double L, Double U, Double 0 D.” Upon w'hich the astonished lawgiver laid down his pen. saying it was the most extraordinary name he had ever met in his life, and after two or three attempts, declared he was unable to re cord it. The court was convulsed with laughter. A traveller writes from Rome that a good portion of tlie Forum, which used > to ring with the eloquence of Cicero and Hortensius, is now a cow-yard. A building for the education of horse doctors, is now going u£ in the city of New York, at a cost of forty thousand dollars. nE is happy, whose circumstances suit his temper but he is happier, who can suit his tem per to liis circumstances. However certain you may be of anything, argue with modesty, and never give your opin ion dogmatically. Laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes her. It is uncharitable to condemn 100 severely for faults, without taking into consideration the ster ling goodness which often-'® l63 mingles with and lessens them. •• Marriage reserves a pair of shears, ” says Sydney Smith, “*> joined' that they cannot be separated, oftec moving in opposite directions, yet always vanishing any one who co,mes be tween the pi-’ “ Ple«*. marm, and w hat shall I do with the bits of candles ?” “ Take them down stairs and burr them in the kitchen, Bridget.” Off she girted. At night, Bridget called the lady, and asked for a candle for the kitchen. “A candle 1 why, what did you do with those pieces you had this morning ?” “ Faith, marm, I put them in the fire, and burned them in the kitchen, as you told me this morning.” A Lover’s Conundrum. —“ Why,” said a lov er to his mistress, “are you like that king el” “ Can’t even guess.” “ Because you are some thing to a door (adore)." She cut his acquain tance immediately, w'hich, we surmise, consid erably unhinged him. If you wish that your own merit should be recognised, recognise the merit of others. $ 27